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Transgaf: 'cause boys will be girls (and vice versa)

I

iirate

Member
Does anyone have any advice related to coming out at your workplace if you're just starting and socially transitioned in the past? I'm presenting as my identified gender already, and I'm two days on the job, but I never legally changed my given name(the name is gender neutral, but uses the masculine spelling) or sex marker. I'm in Texas, but I know that my employers has protections in place for trans employees. Weight gain from the last year + being off of my meds for that time means that I'm more visible than I was at my last job as well.

All of the information I can find mostly has to do with disclosing before the hiring process or before transitioning on the job(which is something I already did at my last job). How should I contact HR at this point, and is there much reason to?

Nesotenso said:
I had a question about the definitions of the terms 'transgender' and 'transsexual'.

It seems confusing because they seem to overlap.

Is this link right about the differences?

http://www.diffen.com/difference/Transgender_vs_Transsexual

If transgender is an umbrella term, are they interchangeable? Or are there cases where I should refer to someone as transsexual and not transgender?
Click to expand...

Transsexual is a more specific term, and transgender is a general(umbrella) term for a bunch of different identities. Unless you know that the person identifies specifically as transsexual, then transgender is a much, much safer/better default.
 
B

Butterfly Witch

Member
Nesotenso said:
I had a question about the definitions of the terms 'transgender' and 'transsexual'.

It seems confusing because they seem to overlap.

Is this link right about the differences?

http://www.diffen.com/difference/Transgender_vs_Transsexual

If transgender is an umbrella term, are they interchangeable? Or are there cases where I should refer to someone as transsexual and not transgender?
Click to expand...

Transsexual as a term has mostly been discarded and goes unused in comparison with transgender. They are basically identical, depending on how one defines transgender.

I don't like transsexual because, in my mind, it doesn't accommodate for the fact that gender is non-binary and some transgender women would rather keep their genitalia instead of seeking SRS/GRS and vice versa. In my opinion, transsexual just isn't nearly as useful as a term as transgender. We're all different and we all express ourselves differently and have different levels of dysphoria. Only we know exactly what steps we need to take to become who we want to be, be it HRT or whatever other surgeries. It also fails to take into account people who are pre-transition or mid-transition.

If I identify as a woman but am pre-transition, am I less of a woman than the one person who has enough luck, blessings and privilege to afford all the bells and whistles?
 
M

mollipen

Member
iirate said:
Does anyone have any advice related to coming out at your workplace if you're just starting and socially transitioned in the past? I'm presenting as my identified gender already, and I'm two days on the job, but I never legally changed my given name(the name is gender neutral, but uses the masculine spelling) or sex marker. I'm in Texas, but I know that my employers has protections in place for trans employees. Weight gain from the last year + being off of my meds for that time means that I'm more visible than I was at my last job as well.

All of the information I can find mostly has to do with disclosing before the hiring process or before transitioning on the job(which is something I already did at my last job). How should I contact HR at this point, and is there much reason to?
Click to expand...

Just to be clear: why do you want to come out at work? Are there times you'll need to use your legal name instead of your new name, and you want to cut off any confusion? Is your presentation one that might cause confusion, and you want to nip any in the bud?

I would assume–and I'm saying this having no experience in a situation where I needed an HR department, or one even existed—is that HR would be the best place to start. If you do feel like you need to come out about your situation, I'd do it with them first, and see what recommendations they have for how to handle it. But, again, that's me imagining what I'd not, not what I've actually done.
 
I

iirate

Member
shidoshi said:
Just to be clear: why do you want to come out at work? Are there times you'll need to use your legal name instead of your new name, and you want to cut off any confusion? Is your presentation one that might cause confusion, and you want to nip any in the bud?
Click to expand...

Both. I'm in a call center and will be required to give customers my legal name. I'm also worried about my presentation at the moment. I'd like to use my chosen name rather than my legal one at work as well, if possible. I haven't had any problems with pronouns or restroom use or anything, but the only other place I've worked since transition was the place I publicly transitioned at, so this is a little new to me. I also just wasn't sure if there were any potential issues with not disclosing that I may have missed.

I would assume–and I'm saying this having no experience in a situation where I needed an HR department, or one even existed—is that HR would be the best place to start. If you do feel like you need to come out about your situation, I'd do it with them first, and see what recommendations they have for how to handle it. But, again, that's me imagining what I'd not, not what I've actually done.
Click to expand...

I'd definitely write HR first, but I was partially fishing for opinions on whether I should even bother at this point or not.
 
A

Alchemy

Member
shidoshi said:
HEY ALCHEMY YOU DORK! See, I knew I wasn't wrong!

From the California's DMV checklist of requirements for name changes—VERY FIRST ITEM:
Click to expand...

Huh... no one said crap about that to me at any point. Well this will be interesting!

This is what I was following, and it doesn't state that the DMV needs to check your social... but maybe it is outdated? :| The stuff it does mention is what I did though, and no one asked about my social directly.
http://transgenderlawcenter.org/issues/id/changing-your-legal-identification-in-california
 
M

mollipen

Member
According to the Cali DMV site, it's going to kickback an error, and you'll get something in the mail saying you won't get your ID until the issue is fixed. I'd go to The SSA soon as you can to get it taken care of - should be an easy change with them.

And ALWAYS consult the government site as well, and have that be your main source of info. Things can change that trans-related sites might not be updated on.
 
A

Alchemy

Member
shidoshi said:
According to the Cali DMV site, it's going to kickback an error, and you'll get something in the mail saying you won't get your ID until the issue is fixed. I'd go to The SSA soon as you can to get it taken care of - should be an easy change with them.

And ALWAYS consult the government site as well, and have that be your main source of info. Things can change that trans-related sites might not be updated on.
Click to expand...

Welp I know where I'm going tomorrow XD
 
S

Sabucin

Member
I have a question to anyone who can explain it to me.

You see, there is a Netflix series called "Sense8" and in this show appears a lesbian couple. In the beggining that's pretty normal, right? The aspect that I cannot understand completely is that one of the girls in that relationship is a trasgender (he was born as a boy and he became a girl).

The story of this girl says that she always felt that something wasn't right inside her, despite the fact that she had a masculine physique (I think that every trasgender may feel in that way, right?).

Anyway, my question is: Why a boy who feels himself as a girl could possible be attracted by... girls? I mean, in this situation shouldn't be better stay as a man and find a woman to love?

To clarify, I'm not judging, complaining or arguing about this, I just want to understand in a physological point of view this situation. I have plenty gay friends of both genres so basically any doubt about gay people has been solved.

I don't have any trasgender friend or someone to ask for it.

PS: My doubt is with all due respect and it is not something homophobic whatsoever, again.. it is purely a physological/mental search of understanding

PS 2: Sorry if my redaction could be confusing sometimes, English is not my native language.
 
M

mollipen

Member
Sabucin said:
I have a question to anyone who can explain it to me.
Click to expand...

Sure! Also, to clarify, since English isn't your first language, somebody is "transgender", not "a transgender". Transgender is an adjective, not a noun.


Anyway, my question is: Why a boy who feels himself as a girl could possible be attracted by... girls? I mean, in this situation shouldn't be better stay as a man and find a woman to love?
Click to expand...

The problem is you're thinking of everything in terms of "who I want to sleep with". Being transgender is about "who I am". First question is, am I a man or a woman? Next question is, am I attracted to men or women?

So, that's the part you seem to be having a problem with. In your example, if they stay a man, then they still don't feel like themselves, because they feel like a woman, not a man. It doesn't matter who they date or sleep with.

Why are some men attracted to other men? Or women attracted to women? That's just how life is. If a transgender woman should just stay a man so that he can date a women, then if a woman likes other women, should she become a man? Of course not, because that's not how she feels.

So, just remember that "who am I?" and "who do I like?" are two totally separate questions.
 
S

Sabucin

Member
shidoshi said:
Sure! Also, to clarify, since English isn't your first language, somebody is "transgender", not "a transgender". Transgender is an adjective, not a noun.




The problem is you're thinking of everything in terms of "who I want to sleep with". Being transgender is about "who I am". First question is, am I a man or a woman? Next question is, am I attracted to men or women?

So, that's the part you seem to be having a problem with. In your example, if they stay a man, then they still don't feel like themselves, because they feel like a woman, not a man. It doesn't matter who they date or sleep with.

Why are some men attracted to other men? Or women attracted to women? That's just how life is. If a transgender woman should just stay a man so that he can date a women, then if a woman likes other women, should she become a man? Of course not, because that's not how she feels.

So, just remember that "who am I?" and "who do I like?" are two totally separate questions.
Click to expand...

Thank you so much for your response shidoshi! It was so damn obvious that now I feel kinda embarrased LOL!
 
D

Dai101

Banned
shidoshi said:
Nonono. I was just plotting things, that's all. My devilishness didn't translate how I thought it would, I guess.
Click to expand...

oh...... OH!! That kind of "mean" I should have guessed XD

(sometimes is hard to really get what one was really trying to say in writen form)
 
Dr. Buni

Dr. Buni

Member
So I was here training my voice, absolutely sure only me and my dog were home, when I hear a noise and then notice my dad hadn't left yet.

XD god the embarrassment was real
 
P

Platy

Member
Sabucin said:
Thank you so much for your response shidoshi! It was so damn obvious that now I feel kinda embarrased LOL!
Click to expand...

Sorry, but I always picture people asking these things to have sex EVERYTIME. Like the only thing they do is have sex. Their entire identity is "I have sex" xD
 
A

Alchemy

Member
shidoshi said:
HEY ALCHEMY YOU DORK! See, I knew I wasn't wrong!

From the California's DMV checklist of requirements for name changes—VERY FIRST ITEM:
Click to expand...

Got my social security stuff fixed, the woman there said the DMV usually kicks people over to social security first if they notice stuff is wonky... so I have no clue at this point. Just gotta wait for stuff in the mail.

Also venting: Social Security office was only open from 9am to 12pm today... 3 hours.... what the crap?! Think I need to chug coffee, power nap, and shoot space wizards to wake up T.T
 
S

sploatee

formerly Oynox Slider
Alchemy said:
Got my social security stuff fixed, the woman there said the DMV usually kicks people over to social security first if they notice stuff is wonky... so I have no clue at this point. Just gotta wait for stuff in the mail.

Also venting: Social Security office was only open from 9am to 12pm today... 3 hours.... what the crap?! Think I need to chug coffee, power nap, and shoot space wizards to wake up T.T
Click to expand...


Space...wizards?
 
M

mollipen

Member
Alchemy said:
Also venting: Social Security office was only open from 9am to 12pm today... 3 hours.... what the crap?! Think I need to chug coffee, power nap, and shoot space wizards to wake up T.T
Click to expand...

I'm going to attempt my court appointment, the Social Security office, and the DMV all in the same day.

Some would say that such things cannot be done—but those people weren't me.
 
A

Alchemy

Member
shidoshi said:
I'm going to attempt my court appointment, the Social Security office, and the DMV all in the same day.

Some would say that such things cannot be done—but those people weren't me.
Click to expand...

You are a crazy lady, but good luck! The Winnetka DMV took me like three hours to get through, and another 1.5 hours for Social Security. My court hearing was at 8:30, but I didn't get out of there until like 10 after waiting for the judge and getting copies of stuff. Depending on the day you go and the hours of your local offices... might be cutting it a bit tight!
 
M

mollipen

Member
Alchemy said:
The Winnetka DMV took me like three hours to get through
Click to expand...

There's part of your problem! Never use that DMV. It's right in the middle of the valley, so it attracts a wider amount of people. I'm trying to decide if I'm daring enough to make an appointment beforehand or not, and risk potentially not being able to make it in the end.
 
A

Alchemy

Member
shidoshi said:
There's part of your problem! Never use that DMV. It's right in the middle of the valley, so it attracts a wider amount of people. I'm trying to decide if I'm daring enough to make an appointment beforehand or not, and risk potentially not being able to make it in the end.
Click to expand...

I had no idea until I showed up T.T
 
D

Dai101

Banned
Sabucin said:
Wrong thread LOL!
Click to expand...

f7nQEi3.jpg
 
M

Mononoke

Banned
Amalthea said:
Yeah, they all come here "accidentally".
Click to expand...

I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to bump the thread. I promise I'll be more careful next time. I wish I could do something to make this right. I'm so so sorry. :(

This thread is incredible, and so is this community and I'm really sorry for not being more careful. I'm an idiot. It won't happen again.
 
A

Amalthea

Banned
Mononoke said:
I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to bump the thread. I promise I'll be more careful next time. I wish I could do something to make this right. I'm so so sorry. :(

This thread is incredible, and so is this community and I'm really sorry for not being more careful. I'm an idiot. It won't happen again.
Click to expand...
I'm not angry. I meant that ironic. ;P
 
Jawmuncher

Jawmuncher

Member
Mononoke said:
I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to bump the thread. I promise I'll be more careful next time. I wish I could do something to make this right. I'm so so sorry. :(

This thread is incredible, and so is this community and I'm really sorry for not being more careful. I'm an idiot. It won't happen again.
Click to expand...

It's not that big of a deal I assure you. Thread had been quiet for awhile anyway.
 
M

Mononoke

Banned
Amalthea said:
I'm not angry. I meant that ironic. ;P
Click to expand...

Oh okay. Sorry again guys. I'll be more careful for now on.

As a side note, I just wanted to say, you guys are so amazing. I have nothing but respect for this community. You guys are such a big inspiration to me. *hugs*
 
S

sploatee

formerly Oynox Slider
Platy said:
On a unrelated note, Trainsgaf : 'cause steam will be movement (and vice versa) is scared with all the hormone questions
Click to expand...

Amazing!

Mononoke said:
Oh okay. Sorry again guys. I'll be more careful for now on.

As a side note, I just wanted to say, you guys are so amazing. I have nothing but respect for this community. You guys are such a big inspiration to me. *hugs*
Click to expand...


Mononoke said:
I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to bump the thread. I promise I'll be more careful next time. I wish I could do something to make this right. I'm so so sorry. :(

This thread is incredible, and so is this community and I'm really sorry for not being more careful. I'm an idiot. It won't happen again.
Click to expand...

Dude chill! it's ok

Damn cisnormative hetero agenda stealing our posts
 
S

sploatee

formerly Oynox Slider
Just wondering...

Which trans people do you look up to?

Being in my relatively early 30s, the fact that there's now all these media-present trans folk is kind of mind boggling. It's happened so quickly.

For me - I think Laverne Cox is awesome. There's a British girl called Munroe Bergdorf who rocks. There's also a shit hot lawyer and general icon here in the UK called Stephen Whittle.

The main trans media presence is this girl called Paris Lees but I find her a bit too full of herself.

What about you?
 
E

Erin S Kittens

Member
sploatee said:
Just wondering...

Which trans people do you look up to?

Being in my relatively early 30s, the fact that there's now all these media-present trans folk is kind of mind boggling. It's happened so quickly.

For me - I think Laverne Cox is awesome. There's a British girl called Munroe Bergdorf who rocks. There's also a shit hot lawyer and general icon here in the UK called Stephen Whittle.

The main trans media presence is this girl called Paris Lees but I find her a bit too full of herself.

What about you?
Click to expand...

My faves are Sylvia Rivera, Marsha P. Johnson, Leslie Feinberg, Mya Hall, and Kylie Brooks. :)
 
W

walkmetothelake

Banned
sploatee said:
Just wondering...

Which trans people do you look up to?

Being in my relatively early 30s, the fact that there's now all these media-present trans folk is kind of mind boggling. It's happened so quickly.

For me - I think Laverne Cox is awesome. There's a British girl called Munroe Bergdorf who rocks. There's also a shit hot lawyer and general icon here in the UK called Stephen Whittle.

The main trans media presence is this girl called Paris Lees but I find her a bit too full of herself.

What about you?
Click to expand...

Laura Jane Grace from Against Me!. Transitioning while in a relatively big band and public industry was and still is really brave and inspiring.

The album Transgender Dysphoria Blues along with my reaction while listening to it was a big push towards seriously thinking about my gender and such.
 
P

Platy

Member
I REALLY hope they cut Don Corneo quest in FF7 HD... there is no way that modern japan don't make it ridiculously offensive in hd
 
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