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Transgaf: 'cause boys will be girls (and vice versa)
- Thread starter lexi
- Start date
GraveRobberX
Platinum Trophy: Learned to Shit While Upright Again.
So Trans-GAF, I've started a Convo with a beautiful transsexual lady through of all places, craigslist
She and I have texted and gotten to know each other
I'm going through some medical issues at the moment, but she's ok with it
I told her I was inexperienced with someone like her and she said she will help through for my first time
So I come to T-GAF for pointers to make the experience more comfortable for me and her
She and I have texted and gotten to know each other
I'm going through some medical issues at the moment, but she's ok with it
I told her I was inexperienced with someone like her and she said she will help through for my first time
So I come to T-GAF for pointers to make the experience more comfortable for me and her
Jawmuncher
Member
Surprised no one showed up yet to give some insight. Just bumping the thread since I can't help here.
Some of the stuff here seems good. At the same time a bit of it to me just seems like common sense though
http://www.theblot.com/13-rules-dating-transgender-woman-7725623
Butterfly Witch
Member
Can't be online all the time
Hey we're basically everywhere
Honestly I don't think anyone is going to be able to tell you how to proceed other than her. She's the one who knows what she's comfortable with and what is going to be off limits. We're just people like anyone else so as long as you're not intentionally rude or mean she can help you along the way. Don't make assumptions and when in doubt ask her
If you have any specific questions then please ask away but as a general rule just treat her like any other woman because that's what she is.
The truth is that the key to any relationship is "Communication, communication, communication". Don't be afraid of asking questions
I'll post my reply later once I get home!
TheAbsolution
Member
I saw that NYT posted this video on their Youtube page. I think it's pretty cool and wanted to share.
https://youtu.be/NqUba1ryxjk
https://youtu.be/NqUba1ryxjk
GraveRobberX
Platinum Trophy: Learned to Shit While Upright Again.
Thanks for the post ladies (hopefully I'm right on all accounts for those that quoted me, apologise if not)
I really am eager, I find transsexual females now more feminine than genetic females
(Does help they have an extra equipment which makes them feel more complete)
I really am eager, I find transsexual females now more feminine than genetic females
(Does help they have an extra equipment which makes them feel more complete)
you can start by completly avoiding this
Butterfly Witch
Member
As I said, we're just women. There's nothing special about us that requires special handling nor do we have hidden stingers anywhere.
What's the difference between a trans woman and a cis woman in dating? Nothing.
Avoid making her feel like you're handling a live hand grenade or like she's somehow any different from any other woman. It's that simple.
Okay, my thoughts.
Don't go the "they're extra feminine" route. That's not true. Some are, some aren't. People are people, and people in every social group out there show a wide range between each other.
Be ready to have people call you a "chaser". Whatever on that. Every one of us has preferences, physical traits that really turn on on, "types" we'd like to have sex with, etc. The problem is when you see trans women as only being good for sex, or will have sex with one but won't have a relationship with one.
Go into the date like you would with any other girl, because that's how we want to be treated. If you wouldn't do something on a day with a non-trans girl, don't do it with her. If you would, then do it. (Unless those things you'd do are creepy / illegal / immoral.)
Don't bring up anything about her trans-ness until you know how comfortable she is in wanting to talk about it. Some trans girls don't want to even think about or be reminded of that. Some are willing to say a few things, at the right time and in the right place. Some are totally up for answering questions and telling you about their history. Don't treat her like she's some lab experiment, or like she's someone there to teach you about a part of the world you maybe don't understand fully.
Have interest in her beyond her being a girl with an extra bit.
If you have sex, make sure you know the boundaries. There's this mentality sometimes that if you're trans, that means you're a porn star, or you're kinky, or whatever. Find out what she is or isn't okay with. Make sure you clearly define the kinds of things you'd want. A little talking beforehand will probably go a long way to providing for a more enjoyable, pleasing, comfortable experience for both of you.
Establish what you want early on: just a friend, a one-tim date, somebody to make see more than once, girlfriend, sex partner, whatever. Trans people are in a weird place in life where they can feel like everyone either just seems them as something to fulfill a fetish, or something to be totally avoided. Don't make her think you want something more if you don't.
Understand that there is no "average" when it comes to trans girls. We're all different. So anything I could say on what I'd be like on a date could be totally different for her. Same with everyone else on this forum. She's a human being like anyone else, so the only way to really get to know what kind of person she is is by going out with her and learning.
Edit: Oh, and be aware that it's quite likely she won't be able to get a full erection, if that's something you're concerned about. While it is possible to have a hormone regiment that helps you to keep the ability to get full erections, if your concern is progress not penis that's something that absolutely suffers. I think trans girls in porn have to take Viagra or whatnot to get the kind of impressiveness they're showing off.
GraveRobberX
Platinum Trophy: Learned to Shit While Upright Again.
Thanks for the awesome response shidoshi
I will treat her fairly, trying the friendship to relationship stage
Not in it for the smash and grab scenario, I understand transsexual need to be treated equal
I'm seeing her for her first and her personality, if it works we move forward
I really want a relationship foremost, not in it for the kink or try it and just leave
I have read stories of girls being used as sexual objects and not being cared for as a person with feelings, trust me I really want a meaning relationship, he'll if sex isn't on the table at least I have someone to care for and hopefully it's reciprocated
I'm surprised they're not skinny jeans =D
I will treat her fairly, trying the friendship to relationship stage
Not in it for the smash and grab scenario, I understand transsexual need to be treated equal
I'm seeing her for her first and her personality, if it works we move forward
I really want a relationship foremost, not in it for the kink or try it and just leave
I have read stories of girls being used as sexual objects and not being cared for as a person with feelings, trust me I really want a meaning relationship, he'll if sex isn't on the table at least I have someone to care for and hopefully it's reciprocated
I'm surprised they're not skinny jeans =D
Hi everyone. I think shidoshi got it right!
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Has anyone any experience of genital hair removal? After eight plus years of transition I'm finally nearly there but the one NHS surgeon in the UK requires that all hair be removed from the donor site first. I've had 5 sessions of (eye-wateringly painful) laser down there but have been told that I'll now need some electrolysis to remove white hairs left behind. I've had electrolysis on my face way back when I began physical transition in 2005 and it was just awful. Has anyone been on a similar position to me? I'm dreading the pain.
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Has anyone any experience of genital hair removal? After eight plus years of transition I'm finally nearly there but the one NHS surgeon in the UK requires that all hair be removed from the donor site first. I've had 5 sessions of (eye-wateringly painful) laser down there but have been told that I'll now need some electrolysis to remove white hairs left behind. I've had electrolysis on my face way back when I began physical transition in 2005 and it was just awful. Has anyone been on a similar position to me? I'm dreading the pain.
It's currently mandatory for NHS (publicly-funded) surgery, owing to the only active surgeon requiring it of all his patients.
Last week had obamacare, gay marriage and all those stuff, but the main subjet on John Oliver's Last Week Tonight was ... transgender rights ! =D
Nothing omfg for us but yay
Nothing omfg for us but yay
I always guessed that a completely free health care system might bring stuff like that. To think that sometimes I dream of living in the UK...
Obviously no surgeon wants to put hairy skin into a body cavity like the vaginal one but a self- respecting doc should be able to do this with any normally hairy genitals.
It's a risk management thing. They apparently had one patient who had some hair growth inside the vagina which couldn't be fixed no matter what. So ever since then they've required it.
I'm grateful that it's 'free' but it's definitely some of the worst pain I've ever had in my life.
Bureaucracy... -_-
But yeah, I'd never even get electrolysis down there either without at least local anesthesia.
In case anyone is curious, my face is over in the Faces thread.
Those redhead curls are soooooo cute!!
BTW, Amalthea you look great in that dress
/perv
GraveRobberX
Platinum Trophy: Learned to Shit While Upright Again.
Holy FUCK shidoshi, your eyes, GODDAMN!, they're amazing looking
Yep. Apparently the anaesthesia doesn't work down there. Good times are coming!
Lovely pic btw!
Lovely pic!
Y'all can get a pic of me in about say 10 years. Or Maybe when I get my next tattoo.
Wow, are your eyes really that green? You look like Merida from Brave, wich I find wonderful. Love her and the film too, no matter what the Pixar snobs say.
Why do you two suddenly bring up my pic too? XD
And about "anaesthesia down there"; that might be less about that it's not possible but more about what a mess it'd causes if you stunned the nerve control there.
And I bet you look lovely too. Don't be shy
Yup, that's my real eye color! I've never seen Brave, which I feel ashamed for, because it's got what is pretty much a Disney "princess" made specifically for me. *laughs* Especially my crazy curly hair.
...I may have to leave this thread for a while. *shivers*
Sorry I'm pretty blunt about medical stuff.
You should've seen me after the OP talking with my surgeon about burn-victims (there was a local journal that wrote about his attempts to save a young man who climbed up a train so I asked him about that).
My way of medical talk usually helps me fend of people who get too nosy about my surgical status. XD kehehe
You should've seen me after the OP talking with my surgeon about burn-victims (there was a local journal that wrote about his attempts to save a young man who climbed up a train so I asked him about that).
My way of medical talk usually helps me fend of people who get too nosy about my surgical status. XD kehehe
Wow, are your eyes really that green? You look like Merida from Brave, wich I find wonderful. Love her and the film too, no matter what the Pixar snobs say.
Why do you two suddenly bring up my pic too? XD
And about "anaesthesia down there"; that might be less about that it's not possible but more about what a mess it'd causes if you stunned the nerve control there.
And I bet you look lovely too. Don't be shy
Sorry I'm too shy! I think there might be a photo on GAF somewhere from my last tattoo but otherwise you'll have to wait for a year or ten.
Yeah you're probably right about the nerve endings. Sigh.
Just wear those outside!
Look, okay... I am a full supported of trans acceptance, but I am NOT a supporter of wearing-pajamas-out-in-society acceptance. Keep that disgusting debauchery out of this thread!
Bigot!
Princess Viola
Member
I wore pajamas to the grocery store today!
Jawmuncher
Member
Pajama pants can be fine it's all just depends on the situation. You can tell when it's someone doing something quick or someone who just doesn't care most of the time. Over here with how cold it got, I would keep my pajama pants and throw my jeans over before I went out lol.
Dr. Buni
Member
But they are so comfy~
I agree. I am a firm believer in only wearing those pants inside. I don't have anything against people who do but it's my personal opinion that it's wrong and not cool. Please don't call me a bigot for merely expressing my personal opinion. Hate the wearing of those pants outside but not the pants wearer.
Wait... You aren't taking our pajama talk seriously, are you?
With no context, your post is confusing.
Rajack
Member
Sorry it has nothing to do with that, I'm departing for personal (and painful) reasons. I left the IRC room weeks ago because of drama that is nobody's fault and I'm beginning to feel less and less like TransGAF is home anymore, especially with Lexi gone forever. She's like a sister to me.
Butterfly Witch
Member
Yesterday I lost a good friend.
I heard the news early morning that she had potentially taken her own life and very soon afterwards we got official confirmation that she had passed away at the young age of 21.
These have been a very rough couple of days, dealing with the loss of a great friend like her. She had the deck stacked against her from the very beginning but she still fought hard and was never afraid to take a stand for what she believed, her friends and loved ones. She took charge and was very passionate about equality for all and was never afraid to call people out on their bigotry.
On a personal level she helped me to cope with a lot of my own issues and we quickly bonded and became friends. We shared a lot of our burdens, tears, laughs and many good times. I was blessed with getting to know her, befriending her and being a part of her life. I am the woman I am today in no small part thanks to her.
I will forever cherish our memories, feelings, emotions and conversations.
I hope you have found peace at last dear friend but make no mistake, you will be missed forever.
http://www.rockpapershotgun.com/2015/07/04/rest-in-peace-sophiabutler/
I heard the news early morning that she had potentially taken her own life and very soon afterwards we got official confirmation that she had passed away at the young age of 21.
These have been a very rough couple of days, dealing with the loss of a great friend like her. She had the deck stacked against her from the very beginning but she still fought hard and was never afraid to take a stand for what she believed, her friends and loved ones. She took charge and was very passionate about equality for all and was never afraid to call people out on their bigotry.
On a personal level she helped me to cope with a lot of my own issues and we quickly bonded and became friends. We shared a lot of our burdens, tears, laughs and many good times. I was blessed with getting to know her, befriending her and being a part of her life. I am the woman I am today in no small part thanks to her.
I will forever cherish our memories, feelings, emotions and conversations.
I hope you have found peace at last dear friend but make no mistake, you will be missed forever.
http://www.rockpapershotgun.com/2015/07/04/rest-in-peace-sophiabutler/
Erin S Kittens
Member
"The disappeared have piled high, hands up if you know what I mean" (Los Viejos, by Peter Peter Hughes) always seems applicable to our community I just spent most of the last week with a lover who was mourning the death of one of her partners.
During the week, some friends invited us to go swimming in a nice river out in nature. I hadn't packed for swimming, so I asked her if she had a swimsuit I could borrow for the day. She handed me a string bikini :x. I figured I may as well... (link description: sexy chubby trans woman in a string bikini, potentially nsfw)
I just spent most of the last week with a lover who was mourning the death of one of her partners. During the week, some friends invited us to go swimming in a nice river out in nature. I hadn't packed for swimming, so I asked her if she had a swimsuit I could borrow for the day. She handed me a string bikini :x. I figured I may as well... (link description: sexy chubby trans woman in a string bikini, potentially nsfw)
Hiyas, TransGAF, been a long time.
I see there are lots of new posters here and that we've lost most of the old crew from when I posted more. So, hello to all the new folks, and I hope all who've left are doing well.
I stopped posting way back when simply because I had to pull away. I lost my job and insurance, but now I feel I'm at a place mentally where if I don't transition I'll end up dead. Since re-closeting I've gained 90 pounds. I'm depressed as all hell.
I just, I dunno. The job I'm at currently is a small business. They don't even have a sexual harassment policy let alone any policies protecting LGBT people. But despite that I find myself unable to stop thinking about transition. The other manager here knows about me, and she recommends that I don't transition here. And for some reason I feel like "manning up" for work and transitioning outside the work place would somehow be more emotionally difficult than not transitioning at this point in time.
Gah, I dunno why I'm posting this livejournal BS here. Except that I don't feel like I have anywhere else I could get it out. Anyways, thanks for reading. Ainsley out.
I see there are lots of new posters here and that we've lost most of the old crew from when I posted more. So, hello to all the new folks, and I hope all who've left are doing well.
I stopped posting way back when simply because I had to pull away. I lost my job and insurance, but now I feel I'm at a place mentally where if I don't transition I'll end up dead. Since re-closeting I've gained 90 pounds. I'm depressed as all hell.
I just, I dunno. The job I'm at currently is a small business. They don't even have a sexual harassment policy let alone any policies protecting LGBT people. But despite that I find myself unable to stop thinking about transition. The other manager here knows about me, and she recommends that I don't transition here. And for some reason I feel like "manning up" for work and transitioning outside the work place would somehow be more emotionally difficult than not transitioning at this point in time.
Gah, I dunno why I'm posting this livejournal BS here. Except that I don't feel like I have anywhere else I could get it out. Anyways, thanks for reading. Ainsley out.
Yeah I'm kinda stuck where I am it seems. I've been applying to jobs since about day three here. And I started my third year just last week.
I mean, I suppose I could start outside of work. But the idea of that kind of personal dissonance between work life and life kinda scares me.
I mean, I suppose I could start outside of work. But the idea of that kind of personal dissonance between work life and life kinda scares me.
Were you playing Splatoon with Jose Otero? I watched the IGN review of the game (thinking of getting it just so my poor Wii U gets some use) and I saw a shidoshi in a game in the footage.
Dr. Buni
Member
Hello (and good luck), Cetra! I am at the same place as you (if I don't transition I will very likely end up dead sooner than later). So I hope you get to find a better job with LGBT protecting policies as soon as possible.
I also need to find a job that isn't going to throw me away the moment I come out as a trans. The good thing is that my therapist knows of certain jobs that have policies protecting people like us and he is willing to help me find one. I only hope it doesn't take too long because I feel like I already spent far too much time figuring out my feelings.
I also need to find a job that isn't going to throw me away the moment I come out as a trans. The good thing is that my therapist knows of certain jobs that have policies protecting people like us and he is willing to help me find one. I only hope it doesn't take too long because I feel like I already spent far too much time figuring out my feelings.
It's heartbreaking to see members of my community staying closeted because it's the only way to find work, but it's definitely a reflection of where we are as a society. I've just heard from someone who knows two people who have recently de-transitioned because they were unable to find work as their authentic selves. Ugh.
Best wishes to everyone stuck in a related situation. The unfortunate truth is that anti-discrimination policies will only get you so far if the people you work with and for are uncomfortable they'll find a way to work you out of the job one way or another. There are companies out there that make an effort to see beyond the surface discomfort many people feel when interacting with someone they know is transgender. In most of the cases I'm familiar with it's a highly specialized role where qualifications matter far more than superficial attributes.
It seems like we're making progress every year so hopefully these roles won't be quite so rare in just a few more years. When I grew up I never even imagined I'd have the opportunity to live openly as myself. It took decades of social progress before my risk tolerance finally met the arc of justice and I took the leap.
Best wishes to everyone stuck in a related situation. The unfortunate truth is that anti-discrimination policies will only get you so far if the people you work with and for are uncomfortable they'll find a way to work you out of the job one way or another. There are companies out there that make an effort to see beyond the surface discomfort many people feel when interacting with someone they know is transgender. In most of the cases I'm familiar with it's a highly specialized role where qualifications matter far more than superficial attributes.
It seems like we're making progress every year so hopefully these roles won't be quite so rare in just a few more years. When I grew up I never even imagined I'd have the opportunity to live openly as myself. It took decades of social progress before my risk tolerance finally met the arc of justice and I took the leap.