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Transgaf: 'cause boys will be girls (and vice versa)
- Thread starter lexi
- Start date
Erin S Kittens
Member
No. Gross
. We went to Pernaldes Falls, way out in nowhere west of Austin. There was a rushing river and all kinds of people around. It was wonderful fun <3I saw my mom briefly last week. We argued a bit. I ended up cutting off contact with her, telling her that the only way we would communicate is if I called her myself. I had previously blocked her on my phone, and realized that even though she can't call me, she can still leave voice mails, so if something urgent happens, I can still follow up with her.
I was pretty fucked up a couple weeks ago because of some stuff she's said... and I feel like I should feel more relieved because of this... but I sorta feel neutral about it.
I was pretty fucked up a couple weeks ago because of some stuff she's said... and I feel like I should feel more relieved because of this... but I sorta feel neutral about it.
Erin S Kittens
Member
We tried Hamilton Pool first, but it was full to capacity and there was a no swimming warning due to high bacteria levels
fuck that alligator!
You will find a few in the 200 pages
Been more than a year since the last one posted sadly
If you have any doubts, I know a few dudes that I can ask .... You can stay !
Sometimes the problem as WAS that a few appeared, saw nobody and went away ... And the lurkers didn't see them ( or imagined they were girls) and didn't posted either ...
BRING IN THE DUDES !
...where is my milkshake?
Sometimes the problem as WAS that a few appeared, saw nobody and went away ... And the lurkers didn't see them ( or imagined they were girls) and didn't posted either ...
BRING IN THE DUDES !
...where is my milkshake?
I guess in the yard, damn right
I said something kinda harsh, not terrible, just blunt, and now she doesn't wanna talk to me. has to make everything about her. She's going through some real shit, but she could see a therapist whenever she wants--it's literally a phone call away for her, she has shit set up for it--but she won't. so I have one bad time, I make one mistake, and it's like, fuck me. she can't even be there for me (before I made the blunt comment), she KNEW I was having a fucking bad time. Then she pulls her shit anyway with not talking to me.
I'm so fuckng sick of it and I have no one else. so fucking sick of everything being about her. can't say one thing without her guilt tripping over everything. I can't relax or take my mind off shit.
I'm so fuckng sick of it and I have no one else. so fucking sick of everything being about her. can't say one thing without her guilt tripping over everything. I can't relax or take my mind off shit.
It kind of is cause I was having problems with that subject but she couldn't really help. Didn't hold it against her but snapped anyway and it's just all hard to deal with. Sorry, really don't have anyone to talk to now.
Just a friend, only friend I got.
I don't really know what to say right now with the gender issues. Like I wish I could just not have issues in the first place but I feel like I'm one of those who's probably just trans and in denial. But I can't deal with that, I would lose everything. And I can't see anyone about it. I ask my friend for help, just to talk about dumb shit or whatever to distract me after getting borderline triggered (if not literally triggered then close enough) and she couldn't, and I don't hold that against her, but then she pushes me later on when she knows I'm having problems and then makes it about her and won't talk to me now.
If I go to the mental health thread I feel like I have to hold myself back cause I'm scared of transphobia. So I'm here and I literally don't know where to start. So many problems seem to go back to my gender and I just wish I could feel comfortable in my own skin. I'm sorry if any of this is inappropriate, I just don't know anymore.
I wish I was just "crazy" for whatever reason so I could get over my gender problems and I wouldn't have to become ftm; that my feelings/problems are from some other source other than being the wrong gender. Is that actually possible or is it just all denial on my part? In case this comes out wrong I'm absolutely not saying trans folk are crazy. I'm really, really not. I'm wondering if I have issues in my head that make me think I'm trans when that's not the case. I'd rather just deal with that, 'cause otherwise I have no family... and I have enough issues getting a career without throwing gender into it. Also have enough issues making any kind of friends, or dating.
Dr. Buni
Member
You are welcomed to talk about your problems here. That is the purpose of the thread, I think.
Also, I think it is definitely possible that you are not ftm, though in my case I was just in denial, trying to make excuses, etc. I didn't want to be trans because it isn't easy to live as one.
I have issues with making friends and getting a career as well, but a big part of the issue comes from the fact I still live in a misgendered body. Maybe it is the same for you, maybe not.
I can't really relate to women. I relate to men but can't make friends with them. I hate having breasts. I don't mind part of my genitals but I can't stand being emotional. It feels like I'm just the lesser gender... I only think that about myself, not about other women. I wish so badly I wasn't so emotional. Periods are really hard, even with birth control, which I've had problems with all this year. (Sorry if this subject troubles anyone, I really am.) I wish I could just not have a period but I feel like every doctor's gonna tell me "lol too bad." Supposed to suffer for the rest of my life for literally no reason, cause I don't want kids... But everyone--everyone--tells me I'm supposed to change my mind and that pregnancy isn't a big deal. Everyone wants kids! Obviously I don't know what I'm talking about. But I don't mind, like...masturbating? I don't think I'd mind sex, at least without penetration. Can't really talk about penetration when I'm a virgin. But I don't feel like "oh man I need a dick."
The emotion stuff is the hardest. I get men have mood swings too. They cry too and all that shit even though society gives them crap for it. But it feels a lot different with men. It was so hard just telling my doctor, when she gave me Yaz, that it made me suicidal, despite the fact Yaz had so much controversy about that. Every time I try to talk about the emotional problems it feels like no one fucking cares. That doctor left but I haven't been back to the place; last time I saw a doctor it was at my college, not my regular doctor / place, because I had to change my pills asap. So I dunno if a new doctor would make me feel better. I don't think it will, cause it feels like I'm supposed to deal with having a period.
Everything else I could suck up, but the emotion / period stuff? For the rest of my life? Fuck. And that I'm magically supposed to want to make babies... even though I'm twenty-five. Think I'd have magically changed my mind by now.
The emotion stuff is the hardest. I get men have mood swings too. They cry too and all that shit even though society gives them crap for it. But it feels a lot different with men. It was so hard just telling my doctor, when she gave me Yaz, that it made me suicidal, despite the fact Yaz had so much controversy about that. Every time I try to talk about the emotional problems it feels like no one fucking cares. That doctor left but I haven't been back to the place; last time I saw a doctor it was at my college, not my regular doctor / place, because I had to change my pills asap. So I dunno if a new doctor would make me feel better. I don't think it will, cause it feels like I'm supposed to deal with having a period.
Everything else I could suck up, but the emotion / period stuff? For the rest of my life? Fuck. And that I'm magically supposed to want to make babies... even though I'm twenty-five. Think I'd have magically changed my mind by now.
You sound like a lot like me. Those minor things that most guys (or women in your case) should be fine with or is normal for them just drive you nuts. Some things I could suck up and deal and other things were just oddly much worse. Even down to the mastrubation stuff we're pretty similar. I felt pretty confused because stuff most trans woman despised I could say "meh it's not that bad for me I guess"
Now I can't say if you're trans or not obviously but you just sound a lot like me before I started transitioning. I'm only like halfway through it and my quality of life has improved so much. Everything about day to day life is just better now. The stuff that I thought I was fine with or that I could suck it up for was really bothering so much more than I would have admitted back then. Lol, I remember I used to wear nothing but sweatshirts and sweatpants because I HATED the gross coarse hair covering my body. It's like the weirdest thing to get bugged by the most but it was, lol. I knew woman have hair too but there was just something about that kind of hair that screamed wrong. I'd have also told you I could deal with it back then and was perfectly fine.
Again only you could decide if you're trans or not but both being in denial and being bothered by the weirdest aspects aren't really that uncommon at all. Just gotta sit down and figure it out.
Now I can't say if you're trans or not obviously but you just sound a lot like me before I started transitioning. I'm only like halfway through it and my quality of life has improved so much. Everything about day to day life is just better now. The stuff that I thought I was fine with or that I could suck it up for was really bothering so much more than I would have admitted back then. Lol, I remember I used to wear nothing but sweatshirts and sweatpants because I HATED the gross coarse hair covering my body. It's like the weirdest thing to get bugged by the most but it was, lol. I knew woman have hair too but there was just something about that kind of hair that screamed wrong. I'd have also told you I could deal with it back then and was perfectly fine.
Again only you could decide if you're trans or not but both being in denial and being bothered by the weirdest aspects aren't really that uncommon at all. Just gotta sit down and figure it out.
Butterfly Witch
Member
Welcome Tomita,
I don't know exactly what you've been through and what you go through but I can tell you about my own experiences.
The only person who truly knows you is yourself, we have that unfiltered and overwhelming connection to ourselves and we get to experience it first hand. I'm not here to tell you that your feelings are wrong or how you should feel, only you truly know that.
Having said that, I can relate to some of your experiences. I too have had people yell at me until they're blue because they know so much better who I am or who I need to be "when I grow up". In reality I've never wanted to have children and right now I can't ever again and I'm happy about that. People's opinions can be helpful and often insightful but once it crosses the line of "I know how to live your life better than you" then it's destructive.
Your issues are very real and you need to find medical professionals that are willing to listen to YOU and YOUR issues. In the end, you're paying them and they should help you solve your issues and reach a balance, not tell you what to do. I know you've probably seen a few different doctors but unfortunately sometimes it takes time and multiple tries to find the one doctor that truly listens to you. I should know, I had to move across the ocean and I have to drive 300 miles both ways every time I want to see them.
I was your age when I finally decided to follow up on what was eating me up and I have to say I'm a much healthier and happier person than I've ever been. It's okay to know what you and and if you don't want to have children then that's 100% okay
If you'd like, I can provide you with some resources, support group even, just let me know
I don't know where you live but have you tried the Depo-Provera shot? It's supposed to stop periods altogether over time or at least make them a lot lighter and more manageable.
If you'd like, I can provide you with some resources, support group even, just let me know
I don't know where you live but have you tried the Depo-Provera shot? It's supposed to stop periods altogether over time or at least make them a lot lighter and more manageable.
Thanks for your comment--and you too, Anura. I don't have anyone to talk to and I'm in a really bad spot right now, so if you have some resources, I'd be really appreciative?
Past few days I've started taking basically a steroid to help with a sinus issue, and uh... felt suicidal since yesterday. Not trying to start drama, sorry. Wondering if the meds are doing it. I won't do anything to hurt myself but I'll have to do some research to see what's up. Like I've never heard of someone feeling suicidal cause of steroids so it's kind of weird...idk. Sorry.
I've heard about the shot but haven't tried it. I get a knee jerk reaction when I hear people complain about bad side effects... but anecdotal info is anecdotal and I should do some research to really see how common it is. Not sure how the costs are either. What makes this more difficult is I still live with my parents and I use their insurance. My mother hates birth control and thinks all hormones screw up your body. (Haha she'd hate the fact I'm taking steroids for my sinus issue too but it was prescribed for two weeks only as a diagnosis thing so I didn't tell her.) I'm worried what will happen if she knows I start using a shot instead.
But yeah, I should do some research on that. Thanks for "reminding me", because when I think of what else I can do with this problem I can only think of those inserts like Mirena IUD which scare the fuck out of me, or doing the "hardcore" route of getting surgery, hysterectomy... which isn't a reality because docs will insist I have kids first. I hear so many horror stories about those inserts, I know I just said "anecdotal isn't fact" but...oh man, nope. Unless there's a better one on the market I'm not aware of. I'll just look into it when I look into the shot stuff. Just want to get in a better head space first. Again, I'm really thankful for the advice/insight.
Butterfly Witch
Member
Tomita I don't know how old you are or what country you're from but if you're a legal adult then you have medical confidentiality and your parents cannot access your medical information without your explicit consent.
Honestly hysterectomies are a mess and a half, they just have too many possible complications and doctors are getting less and less into the habit of doing them unless medically necessary. There are other safer and a lot less intrusive ways to stop your menstruating cycles.
I've PM'ed you some information regarding a channel where people will always be there to listen to you and provide you with information that you may need.
Hang in there, it gets better okay?
IceDoesntHelp
Banned
Butterfly Witch
Member
Sorry for taking a while to reply, I did get your PM and I thank you.
fyi I know hysterectomies are messy but there's a chance I have endometriosis which makes life even funner and my mom had the same and got an hysterectomy for it. So that is always an "option" in my head even though they won't test for endo unless you get a complication or....you have children.
still in a bad spot but when I can feel better I'll do the research like I said, thank you again.
Trans singularity
Dr. Buni
Member
You are probably just hot
You won the lottery your name is all over the news and you don't know ? xD
Also, you know that now you need to send us pics, right ?
Boost of self-confidence can (trans)engender a lot of positive attention!
Rajack
Member
General depression, dysphoria, paranoia, a whole mess of negative thoughts, emotions, and impulses. Plus my mother keeps contaminating my food with gluten which is triggering my celiac something fierce.
*Hugs Rajack* Hang in there friend.
cook separately as much as you can. and you're moving in the right direction already with treatment. keep pushing forward.
Boost of self-confidence can (trans)engender a lot of positive attention!
What are those emotcon gifs? I've been seeing them everywhere.
Are there any local trans support groups where you live?
Android18a
Member
Whelp, looks like I'm being made redundant at my workplace (the one with the homophobic UKIP supporting staff). Seriously thinking about going back to Uni as a mature student (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJZpQEuVA3U with this course).
What's that got to do with this thread? Well, it kinda deals with one of the big things holding me back - my work. If I go back to Uni I know there's LGBT support groups there, and an art course would be a great change of pace and give me a chance to find myself.
I might yet find myself in a position to transition! =0 Hoping I can get signed up on this course for starting in September, but not sure on the process of signing up yet! Would definitely attend 'en-femme' at least part time though
The bad news is that I've got no money because the company is broke and I'm struggling with bills and rent...
What's that got to do with this thread? Well, it kinda deals with one of the big things holding me back - my work. If I go back to Uni I know there's LGBT support groups there, and an art course would be a great change of pace and give me a chance to find myself.
I might yet find myself in a position to transition! =0 Hoping I can get signed up on this course for starting in September, but not sure on the process of signing up yet! Would definitely attend 'en-femme' at least part time though
The bad news is that I've got no money because the company is broke and I'm struggling with bills and rent...
WaffleTaco
Wants to outlaw technological innovation.
Redacted
I love you too xD
Bleh this is how I feel, with different genders. Everyone 100% treats me like a girl. Besides dressing in a kind of "tomboy" way and being ¯\_(ツ
_/¯ about what I'd call "feminine habits" (fussing about make up, clothes, hair, etc) in conversation, no one, no one, is ever like "Oh yeah, Tomita's so masculine/boyish!" Never even "tomboy" beyond the clothes thing! I must act like the most submissive chick in the entire fucking world. And I look five years younger than I am, and I act like a dumbass most of the time, so it just compounds everything. One time someone online said I "sounded like a guy", but that's honestly bullshit, because you really can't tell someone's gender from their writing. That's a 100% bullshit myth is my understanding. So how am I supposed to be trans when, despite trying, I still act pretty much 100% feminine? Or am I just thinking about it too much? I honestly don't think I am. I think me going down the transsexual route is a fucking delusion on my part.The most I can say is my sister thought I was a lesbian for a while and probably thinks I'm being "delusional" about being bisexual, and I'm just totally lesbo. Except no, I really am bisexual. My dad might wonder if I'm lesbian too? Not sure. My mom is fucked up and has fucking problems. She asked me why I cared so much about LGBT rights so I had to admit to her I was bisexual, and she shoved me back in the closet. She constantly emphasizes to me that I will TOTALLY get a husband and make grandbabies whenever the subject comes up, I think as a response to me "coming out." (And no, I never told dad about my sexuality, I honestly don't know if my mom would blab to him, but he's not fucked up like my mom and I don't want to ruin our relationship in case he's a surprise homophobe, bleh.)
tl;dr I get "lesbian" points from my family but I highly doubt that counts and also my mother and sister are fucking terrible and abusive so that's not exactly a confidence boost.
Ok i was joking with the "I love you too" to see if people notice that the quoted part was ridiculously transphobic but I guess I have to be more clear.
"truly female" or "truly male" is ridiculous.
Even if you are a girl and you scratch your balls or you are a man who groom your nails with pink ponyes, you ARE A FUKING TRUE FEMALE OR TRUE MALE because GENDER EXPRESSION HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE GENDER YOU ARE
Tomita : pathriarchy has fucke you up. The fact that society acepts more unisex clothing to women on society really fucks the transition start for ftm dudes. Binders and T are your friend, since "ah she is not shaving she is like one of those crazy man hater feminists" don't go as far as "omfg where did your boobs go why you have a beard" =P
Also, gym is good for hiding more girly features.
Waffle :
Life makes no sense, get over it
"truly female" or "truly male" is ridiculous.
Even if you are a girl and you scratch your balls or you are a man who groom your nails with pink ponyes, you ARE A FUKING TRUE FEMALE OR TRUE MALE because GENDER EXPRESSION HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE GENDER YOU ARE
Tomita : pathriarchy has fucke you up. The fact that society acepts more unisex clothing to women on society really fucks the transition start for ftm dudes. Binders and T are your friend, since "ah she is not shaving she is like one of those crazy man hater feminists" don't go as far as "omfg where did your boobs go why you have a beard" =P
Also, gym is good for hiding more girly features.
Waffle :
Life makes no sense, get over it