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Transgaf: 'cause boys will be girls (and vice versa)
- Thread starter lexi
- Start date
I guess I think I'm just not to the extent of wanting to be a woman, even though I'd like to change. I'd love to be beautiful and a woman if I could be, but I realize even if I change I'm not going to have ovaries and I'll still always have my masculine features, which I will notice, and so I'd then need acceptance of a different sort.
I feel like I'm condemned,and I really hate how manly, ugly I'm getting as I grow older.
Butterfly Witch
Member
Please bear in mind that most women are not beautiful. Tons of cis women are "ugly" and don't even pass if the same standards were applied to them.
Hormones can't really help you with that, they'll feminize you to a certain degree but being pretty or even passing is a tremendous privilege.
Ultimately you need to do what will make you more comfortable with yourself and your body and not what society expects of you, that's just conforming to shitty standards.
I'm honestly not sure what you mean about "with everyone changing sex" since even if you are trans it does not imply that you have to have SRS to be a woman. You either are a woman or you're not.
Everyone wants to be beautiful ... but nobody want to expend their economies on plastic surgery, only eat healthy food, goes to the gym regularly, spend money on the beauty saloon and become a makeup goddess.
Being trans has nothing to do with being beautiful, that is called good genes or lots of money and dedication =P
It is about feeling good with what you have.
Also, why people want ovaries ? I have a friend who took almost 10 years to get an endometriosis diagnosis and she spend all those 10 years in insane pain with people telling her that it was normal and now she is just in "regular pain"
Edit : yeah that "everyone changing sex" means what ? 2 famous trans people in the media ?
Because it is still dificult as fuck to get actual prescriptions of hormones and everything related to actualy doing SRS
Being trans has nothing to do with being beautiful, that is called good genes or lots of money and dedication =P
It is about feeling good with what you have.
Also, why people want ovaries ? I have a friend who took almost 10 years to get an endometriosis diagnosis and she spend all those 10 years in insane pain with people telling her that it was normal and now she is just in "regular pain"
Edit : yeah that "everyone changing sex" means what ? 2 famous trans people in the media ?
Because it is still dificult as fuck to get actual prescriptions of hormones and everything related to actualy doing SRS
It DOES feel like there's more transgender people online, but I attribute a lot of that to growing awareness and acceptance; these people were here decades ago or their predecessors but didn't have the nerve to open up for one reason or another (nevermind that many likely had conflicting feelings and I question how many people neatly fall into one end or the other of the binary anyway.)
I'd view the lack of ovaries thing in two ways: an organ to facilitate proper hormone levels (if functioning correctly, of course) so as to not require outside aid, and to allow you to reproduce. And I have to admit one of the biggest reasons I shut out the idea of transitioning is that I didn't want to close off the door for having children (though admittedly the idea of getting pregnant is mortifying anyway.) But with my low testosterone levels who knows if I could have kids anyway?
I'd view the lack of ovaries thing in two ways: an organ to facilitate proper hormone levels (if functioning correctly, of course) so as to not require outside aid, and to allow you to reproduce. And I have to admit one of the biggest reasons I shut out the idea of transitioning is that I didn't want to close off the door for having children (though admittedly the idea of getting pregnant is mortifying anyway.) But with my low testosterone levels who knows if I could have kids anyway?
Butterfly Witch
Member
Even with unlimited funds and access to the best surgeons it's still very much genetic lottery dependent. There's a reason a lot of celebrities end up looking inhuman after doing some plastic surgeries, not to mention that the results are only mostly predictable, shit goes wrong all the time.
Genetic lottery can help here but the important part is to raise awareness and to combat this notion that is so ingrained in standard beauty culture. Not every woman needs to be 5'2, petite, skinny, white, long hair, pert nose, C cup breasts goddess, those truly are the exception much like Micheal Phelps is to swimming. If the argument goes "if I can't be Micheal Phelps then I won't even bother learning how to swim" then you need to check some expectations to be sure, for your own sake.
As far as ovaries go, I think it also boils down to a lot of "biology experts" and arguments that if you don't have them then you're not "a real woman" but that argument has a freight train of ignorance right behind it. Personally, having ovaries would mean that I wouldn't have to do weekly intramuscular shots for the rest of my life and that would be nice to say the least.
I think that people don't realize just how little can change in a dozen years. Trans care, while laughable at best, has taken huge strides. Just a couple of decades ago we're talking about taking hormones from horse's pee (PreMareIn = Pregnant Mare Urin) and these days estradiol pills are much cheaper and easier to find.
Stuff like the internet has certainly helped a lot as well in spreading knowledge and awareness but also in being able to call some shit out that just wasn't possible before. It also helps that these days we have a lot more people under the trans umbrella such as gender non-conforming or even gender fluid.
The truth is, the more trans people are out there living life, the more awareness is raised daily, especially for those who don't pass. There may also be something to say about how a couple of decades ago or less transition was all about stealth and these days it's a lot more acceptable to break gender roles and gender normative.
AppleSeason
Member
Well, having my body produce its own hormones would be nice, instead of having suboptimal levels thanks to an edo that goes by the "safe minimum". I'm pretty tired of having to take three pills of E every day to prevent my body from going full menopausic. Shots are not sold / prescribed here (and after the crackdown on online pharmacies I have no way of importing them), and it will take years until subdermal E implants become a common treatment.
Also, I tend to think about that worst case scenario after SRS in which I can't obtain hrt anymore. Healthcare stops funding my treatment, I stop being able to afford them or we go full Mad Max in a few years.
Yesterday I bought my first post-BA push-up bra, 9 months later. It is really uncomfortable, given how my breasts don't have a lot of mobility due to being kept in place by the muscles. Pretty much I'm feeling like the money I was going to put into a macbook will end going to a implant upgrade after SRS. I don't think or even talk about the disappointing results of going with healthcare and I thought I had finally moved on, but it still gets me mad from time to time, even though I don't hate the implants as much as during the first months.
Oh, and one little thing. I was reading Chett's dilation instructions for the first years until I stumbled upon this:
C'mon, no, please no. I thought that after the first intensive three months it would be just 50-60 minutes in the moning and another time before bedtime, but 100 minutes? I have no possible way of doing that and get to work on time unless I get up at 4:00 AM to dilate and I sleep nothing.
Other transwomen recently operated with him tell me that the schedule he proposes is a bit over the top and after the first three months you don't need that much.
AppleSeason
Member
Quite surprised about how much a good haircut can do to my selfsteem and passability:
This will disappear in 4 days when I wash it, but... it makes me think that more than voice training or make up, this is what I should concentrate my efforts into.
This will disappear in 4 days when I wash it, but... it makes me think that more than voice training or make up, this is what I should concentrate my efforts into.
AppleSeason
Member
...I wish I had straight hair. *sigh*
Bird nest club too?
They told me that if I was not going to straight it, use the diffuser and curls foam, but avoid like the plague leaving it dry on its own. But from what I can see, my hairdrier can be blamed partially on my unsuccesful attempts to straighten it. I'm going to need to invest on something decent with separate controls for heat and power. Mine starts smelling like burn if I try to use the maximum setting.. Who knows, maybe after bangkok.
My hair is just SUPER OMG CURLY, which means I have to buy expensive product, can't use a hairdryer period, have to give it extra time to air dry, should do my best to avoid wind and the outside world, am screwed if there's and level of humidity, and so on.
I love it the five days a month that things all align, but otherwise I've always been more partial to straight hair. (And, of course, I constantly get women who have straight hair telling me how much they wish I had my hair. *heh*)
I love it the five days a month that things all align, but otherwise I've always been more partial to straight hair. (And, of course, I constantly get women who have straight hair telling me how much they wish I had my hair. *heh*)
tearsofash
Member
Did anyone go to gender odyssey this year?
Reminds me of how I've heard more than a few times that many women wish they could have my hair. It's usually a mess and sticks up more than I like but it is wavy and a nice brown I guess. I'd prefer straight hair but better this than wildly curvy.
I haven't actually done transitioning or experimenting, just running in circles in my head (and delaying a haircut though I've always been averse to that.) I do plan to reject testosterone in favor of trying to work out more and see what I can do with my diet to lose weight, if I'm to see how I feel with more testosterone I'd rather try bringing it up naturally, assuming they don't find a different cause for it to be low.
AppleSeason
Member
Ugh. Are you kidding me?
http://www.dailydot.com/layer8/thai-government-tracking-foreigners-sim-card/
I think that pretty much as the last time, my phone is going to stay on the hotel. And if they pull this, they will just be tracking me going from the hotel to tesco every three days...
http://www.dailydot.com/layer8/thai-government-tracking-foreigners-sim-card/
I think that pretty much as the last time, my phone is going to stay on the hotel. And if they pull this, they will just be tracking me going from the hotel to tesco every three days...
A Link to the Past
Banned
Ah, that sounds a bit creepy :S
Makes me worry about the broader ramifications admittedly with a military oriented constitution. :/
AppleSeason
Member
Apparently in any place with free wi-fi they may ask for your passport or ID, so most probably WiFi is being monitored already (and since the hotel needs my passport...)
Looks like I will be using Tor a lot, even if all my interaction will internet will mostly be daily updates on how I heal and skyping with friends.
Looks like I will be using Tor a lot, even if all my interaction will internet will mostly be daily updates on how I heal and skyping with friends.
R
Rösti
Unconfirmed Member
Very nice hairstyle I think. And you got quite long hair too, so you can easily experiment. Maybe something vintage, like a finger wave?Quite surprised about how much a good haircut can do to my selfsteem and passability:
This will disappear in 4 days when I wash it, but... it makes me think that more than voice training or make up, this is what I should concentrate my efforts into.
AppleSeason
Member
Rösti;213177459 said:
Low density and clean temples, unfortunately. That hairdo was arranged to cover for it, so what you can do with it it's incredibly limited. Looks good the day I'm out of the saloon, then it's the old frizzy mess of always. I may invest in a decent hair dryier and a smaller brush. I've noticed that definitely, I don't have the best tools to pull something close to what they did.
AppleSeason
Member
Actually, I managed to `put my bangs in position today. I think more or less I have found the trick, although I can only do straight shapes. Need to find how they curved it at the right angle.
https://www.yahoo.com/news/bombing-thai-seaside-resort-town-kills-1-injures-185543131.html
Damn, I hope these things won't escalate. I'm paranoid already about having to go through France to reach my destination.
https://www.yahoo.com/news/bombing-thai-seaside-resort-town-kills-1-injures-185543131.html
Damn, I hope these things won't escalate. I'm paranoid already about having to go through France to reach my destination.
InfiniteNine
Rolling Girl
Well this took way too long.
Well this took way too long.
Grats!
Looking very nice, Apple!
And oh geez.....stay safe in Thailand! Hope whatever is going on over there deescalates.
What's that?
Android18a
Member
Okay, this week has been a biggie for me.
I attended my sister's wedding a few weeks ago, and seeing her so happy and living her dreams made me step up my own life.
So on Tuesday I spoke to my GP again, and have asked for referral to the Nottingham gender clinic here in the UK, where my partner currently goes.
I changed my name on Facebook and I have come out to everyone I know - parents, colleagues and all. They're all in the picture. I have nothing to hide anymore, I've decided to just do this damned thing that I've wanted to do for decades (see me on the first page of this very thread).
So yeah, everyone has been really lovely and supportive, even my parents who 16 years ago forbade me from even dressing have pledged to support and help me So I'm really happy right now even though I'm a long way off from my goal still.
At this point I want to lose weight - I'm currently a UK size 18 and I'm unhappy with that. And I really need to either have my face lasered or find the right products and techniques to hide my facial shadow as I have quite dark, fast growing facial hair. Those are my two biggest hurdles to overcome now.
Feeling pretty positive at this point. Hopefully now I can move on and get this thing done.
I attended my sister's wedding a few weeks ago, and seeing her so happy and living her dreams made me step up my own life.
So on Tuesday I spoke to my GP again, and have asked for referral to the Nottingham gender clinic here in the UK, where my partner currently goes.
I changed my name on Facebook and I have come out to everyone I know - parents, colleagues and all. They're all in the picture. I have nothing to hide anymore, I've decided to just do this damned thing that I've wanted to do for decades (see me on the first page of this very thread
). So yeah, everyone has been really lovely and supportive, even my parents who 16 years ago forbade me from even dressing have pledged to support and help me
So I'm really happy right now even though I'm a long way off from my goal still.At this point I want to lose weight - I'm currently a UK size 18 and I'm unhappy with that. And I really need to either have my face lasered or find the right products and techniques to hide my facial shadow as I have quite dark, fast growing facial hair. Those are my two biggest hurdles to overcome now.
Feeling pretty positive at this point. Hopefully now I can move on and get this thing done.
tearsofash
Member
It was a convention mostly for trans and nonbinary folk in Seattle. Also for their families and cis partners. Lots of kid friendly programming alongside the general stuff as well.
Terrorblot
Member
Recovering from surgery suuuuuuucks
I wanna do thiiiiiiings
Anyway, I passed out and puked and generally didn't do that great in the hospital but the surgery itself went by no problem. Don't really feel different yet, but we'll see when my T levels actually go down. Mostly I'm just like "it's done, one step closer to the body I want."
I wanna do thiiiiiiings
Anyway, I passed out and puked and generally didn't do that great in the hospital but the surgery itself went by no problem. Don't really feel different yet, but we'll see when my T levels actually go down. Mostly I'm just like "it's done, one step closer to the body I want."
Lee Chaolan
Member
Our Pride parade was Cancelled because of the damn RNC.
How Excellent of your Brother to turn around for you!
AppleSeason
Member
Less than 4 months left for SRS. I have booked the blood tests and x-rays (need to be done between 6 and 3 weeks before surgery), so not a lot left to do. I also have enough comfortable and easy to wear clothes now for the stay in Bangkok.
I'm starting to feel something similar to genital dysphoria or so i think. I Won't even masturbate or even watch porn since I don't want to think about my genitalia at the moment. So it may be a good moment to stop the P. My libido is pretty decent right now, but totally not helping.
PS: Hooked to Persona 4, which helps me with keeping the head busy... Until Naoto appeared. I sorta feel like he should be injecting T in-game and be an FTM character instead of a "reverse crossdresser". Apart from that, looks like I will have beaten the game Before September ends, so I will have to think about other stuff to bring there.
I'm starting to feel something similar to genital dysphoria or so i think. I Won't even masturbate or even watch porn since I don't want to think about my genitalia at the moment. So it may be a good moment to stop the P. My libido is pretty decent right now, but totally not helping.
PS: Hooked to Persona 4, which helps me with keeping the head busy... Until Naoto appeared. I sorta feel like he should be injecting T in-game and be an FTM character instead of a "reverse crossdresser". Apart from that, looks like I will have beaten the game Before September ends, so I will have to think about other stuff to bring there.
Butterfly Witch
Member
Why not?
Beards and women are far from being mutually exclusive. If they identify as a woman then sure.
My surgery referral to Brighton was finalized on Wednesday. I'll be heading in for a physical assessment in a few months (Likely around 6 or so) before going in proper a few weeks later. The only delay at this point will be if I need hair removal before the surgery.
The current informal arrangement at work is to take my maximum paid sick leave allowance for 2017 (4 weeks, iirc), then work from home for the remaining recovery period.
The current informal arrangement at work is to take my maximum paid sick leave allowance for 2017 (4 weeks, iirc), then work from home for the remaining recovery period.
I expected a bigger discussion, good to know what people here are awesome xD
Lots of trans people from the local group shitting on the idea with a "you must be this girly to be a trans woman" attitude that only defeats the whole self identification idea =/
Here is some awesome religious iconographi that looks like "jesus in a dress" for the unknown :
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wilgefortis
Definitely. I mean, there already are bearded cis women out there(bearded trans women are valid as well of course), and more and more people(in the US at least) are eschewing the binary altogether, and they've gotta pee too.
I expected a bigger discussion, good to know what people here are awesome xD
Lots of trans people from the local group shitting on the idea with a "you must be this girly to be a trans woman" attitude that only defeats the whole self identification idea =/
Here is some awesome religious iconographi that looks like "jesus in a dress" for the unknown :
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wilgefortis
I'm sure if you want a more heated convo, you can get one by making a thread in OT. XD
Some people just really want beards. Seems like the usual "as long as no actual harassment happens" thing should apply.
Butterfly Witch
Member
Then they're assholes and transphobes.
No such thing as "trans enough" or "girl enough" or whatever. Imagine if such standards were applied to cis people. It's not like facial laser hair removal was created for trans women, they were developed for cis women.
Well, that is kind of where we get toxic masculinity from, on the male side of things anyway. It's not exactly the same thing admittedly (I can't imagine many adults actually chasing a man who isn't perfectly macho out of a men's bathroom) but this sort of nonsense is part of why transphobia's even a thing.
Butterfly Witch
Member
Not just that but the whole shit with standard beauty culture.
THIS IS WHAT A WOMAN LOOKS LIKE SO YOU HAVE TO LOOK LIKE THIS OR ELSE YOU'RE BAD AND UGLY AND BAD LOL!!!
Then we get girls with anorexia, bulimia and all kinds of other self harming tendencies because they're not like these photoshopped women on magazines or the ones that win the genetic lottery.
AppleSeason
Member
Had Lunch with my parents at their home. So apparently they have gotten used at last to me coming on a skirt and showing cleavage (push-up + implants, they were too small on ther own), but they still use my old name when they think I can't hear them. I'm not going to make a fuss about it or get angry, I have enough things to worry about right now and I need to keep my spirit high.
Definitely genital dysphoria, I've never felt like this in years. As in looking down and seeing it as an alien malformed part of my body.
Definitely genital dysphoria, I've never felt like this in years. As in looking down and seeing it as an alien malformed part of my body.
Got prescribed testosterone supplements due to my low levels without bloodwork revealing any other cause.
I suppose how I feel will be the best litmus test I can get in regards to gender identity!
EDIT: Not covered, would be $600 out of pocket, pharmacy working with doctor on that. Yeah, don't care $600 worth to see how I'd feel.
I suppose how I feel will be the best litmus test I can get in regards to gender identity!
EDIT: Not covered, would be $600 out of pocket, pharmacy working with doctor on that. Yeah, don't care $600 worth to see how I'd feel.
...I made a youtube channel with some friends that shows me.
A youtube channel with a trans person playing games .... WHAT COULD GO WRONG ? xD
Warning :Contains me. Also on a language you people will not understand anything =P
A youtube channel with a trans person playing games .... WHAT COULD GO WRONG ? xD
Warning :Contains me. Also on a language you people will not understand anything =P
It is tough to put yourself out there on youtube and you did a great job!
People cared enoght about me to comment <3
Sorry for being outside the beauty standards ... but it is cute that he puts me one the same beauty standards of any women !
So this dude is actualy favoring my womeness and by contrast, agreeing that there are some hot trans women ! =D
Sorry for being outside the beauty standards ... but it is cute that he puts me one the same beauty standards of any women !
So this dude is actualy favoring my womeness and by contrast, agreeing that there are some hot trans women ! =D
AppleSeason
Member
Feeling like a parody of a woman, a bad imitation and a joke, as usual. "Unpassable tranny" mood. Not helping while being fat and feeling bloated. I don't even want to meet new people and let them see that I'm not even close to my profile pictures. There's also a festival in the city and I don't even want to go outside and see so many young girls reminding me of how far away I am from reality. Or other trans who started much earlier and attained passability in 6 months of HRT while I kept getting insults until FFS and I still take shit and misgendered whenever somebody clocks me.
Also, peaking at genital dysphoria. Even when in the morning with less bloating I see myself a bit. Not sure if trying to go outside today or locking myself at home.
High dysphoria days suck. And being stuck in the not being passable for life is like a fucking curse. Soon we will be a relic of the past, but I can't but feel robbed of the life I never had and I will never have.
Also, peaking at genital dysphoria. Even when in the morning with less bloating I see myself a bit. Not sure if trying to go outside today or locking myself at home.
High dysphoria days suck. And being stuck in the not being passable for life is like a fucking curse. Soon we will be a relic of the past, but I can't but feel robbed of the life I never had and I will never have.
Team Alucard
Banned
For me, that's honestly the worst part.
I mean all of human history has been an agonizing, miserable shitshow for trans people, yet we had to be born just before things began to change. So not only do we have to endure the same awful bullshit from society (or life in the closet in my case) as every trans person before us, we also have to watch the next generation live their lives the way they were meant too. Spending their childhood, adolescence, and twenties as their true selves, and developing near-indistinguishable from a cis women by virtue of avoiding male puberty. I should probably be happy for them, but I'm not. I just feel pure rage, misery, bitterness, jealousy, and regret. I am angry, not at the them, but at the fact that my only crime was being born 10 years too early.
AppleSeason
Member
It's even more depressing that whenever trans appear on the news, it's always about how the healthcare (in my country) is making advancements towards treating transexuality more early every time. But for the ones who started around the late twenties / early thirties it's like we barely exist to the news, and unless extremely lucky we are beyong being fully normal. HRT is mostly innefective (someboy who starts in the early twenties usually seems to be able to pass quite fast. In my age bracket is is as if I had never taken HRT, except for my limp dick), we have endured a lot of damage from Testosterone, and we get even less support (Everybody telling me that it's to late and I should go on with living as a male). From the GIC directly telling me that they preferred to work with younger patients and I was not their optimal one to always getting clocked even in the best photos. But while newer generations are going to have it easier and with more passability they will endure even less transphobia, we are going to be even more of a minority. An early trans is considered correct, but everybody seems to think that transition past an age is undesirable.
It's funny how in less than 4 months I will stop having genital dysphoria and most probably my vagina will be the most close to cis part of my body (in appearance at least), but as for the rest... I was thinking about getting a MBP after SRS fpr studying, but now I am considering how much therapy hours with a decent therapist can that money pay. Since passability and accepting my situation are beyond my possibilities, trying to fix my mind is the only choice I have. I have asked for a quotation on the remaining FFS procedures I decided to skip (All the jaw and chin shape that is really making me look genuinely male but cost as much as SRS), but I'm not sure if I will ever be able to afford it.
So stuck at home today. Grinding at Persona 4 Golden, and hoping that this bout depression will pass, as I have a meetup tomorrow and I promised I would go, plus an all day hiking in group on sunday.
It's funny how in less than 4 months I will stop having genital dysphoria and most probably my vagina will be the most close to cis part of my body (in appearance at least), but as for the rest... I was thinking about getting a MBP after SRS fpr studying, but now I am considering how much therapy hours with a decent therapist can that money pay. Since passability and accepting my situation are beyond my possibilities, trying to fix my mind is the only choice I have. I have asked for a quotation on the remaining FFS procedures I decided to skip (All the jaw and chin shape that is really making me look genuinely male but cost as much as SRS), but I'm not sure if I will ever be able to afford it.
So stuck at home today. Grinding at Persona 4 Golden, and hoping that this bout depression will pass, as I have a meetup tomorrow and I promised I would go, plus an all day hiking in group on sunday.