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[lexi]

Looking back I could have just given that guy my mobile and told him over the phone later (and 99.99% most likely have met an awkward silence followed by a rapid "gotta go"). I guess the situation just never occurred before and I wasn't ready.

Anyway he was probably an ex-con serial rapist. I'm better off.

You can't always assume the worst. You are in a position where this kind of thing is actually happening, and it bothers me that I'm so jealous by it.

I was out shopping earlier and was approached from behind by a sales girl 'Can I help you hon?' but then upon seeing me makes an awkward face and 'Oh'. To her credit she was really sweet and helped me out a ton, but regardless... I deal with this every waking moment that I'm out and about, I think we should all be thankful for what we currently have, we all have our strengths and weaknesses.

This came off more whiny then I had wanted, but I guess 90% of my posts end up doing that. I think you are just immensely lucky and seem to be forgetting all the great things you have going for you.

 

[mollipen]

You can't always assume the worst. You are in a position where this kind of thing is actually happening, and it bothers me that I'm so jealous by it.

We should come up with some sort of official chart that lists the order of who is jealous of who in this thread for most to least. *laughs*

 

[Alfarif]

Well, now... I've yet to play a Korean MMO where I actually enjoyed the game. But man oh man do I love their character design.

What game is that from? My problem with Korean MMOs (are we really getting into this discussion in this thread!?) isn't that the few models don't have crazy amounts of details, it's that you have about 5 total choices for ANYTHING. That, and you can't actually customize it. It's all completely stock. Way too limited for my tastes.

What I'd love is something like EVE but for full body. I've always been really impressed with their facial customization software.

Nothing remarkable to remark upon. Maybe I have a little more energy. I feel like I should be doing something. My friends are going be in town in about a week for spring break, so I'm excited.

Spring Break... I remember those days... of sitting at home doing nothing.

Alf pic

Oh god. I knew this was going to happen.

Anyway he was probably an ex-con serial rapist. I'm better off.

Girl, you are crazy. Men are falling in love with you in this thread and all over GAF and you think someone there won't also! Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffft!

You can't always assume the worst. You are in a position where this kind of thing is actually happening, and it bothers me that I'm so jealous by it.

-.- What do you have to be jealous of? You both are smokin'!

 

[Cetra]

We should come up with some sort of official chart that lists the order of who is jealous of who in this thread for most to least. *laughs*

Eh, I don't get the whole jealousy thing. I mean, I understand where it stems from but... I dunno. If I get any kind of vibe personally from the thread it's being proud. Proud of all the little steps we're all taking in our lives to be the people we want to be.

Months ago before I found TransGAF the only "trans community" I interacted with was the vloggers on YouTube. I found myself constantly envious of a lot women there. For various reasons. Some for looks, some for their courage, some for their views. It was one such vlogger I messaged with a long whine about being jealous of younger TGs. The reply I got back completely changed my views.

That's funny that you're jealous of younger transitioners - why not be jealous of natal women, or super-hot natal women, or super-hot RICH natal women? LOL. Being jealous of younger trans women is like having stage 4 cancer and being jealous of the chick in the bed next to you who has stage 3 cancer. You've BOTH got cancer.

Anyway, you know what I think? I think there's zero point in making up these fantasy versions of what our lives might have been had we made different choices and getting all depressed over how those fantasies compare to our realities. We're transitioning NOW, things are improving right NOW, and the future is looking bright. Stay positive, count your blessings, look forward to what's coming!

And that's pretty much it. So yeah, I'm proud of everyone here. TG or not. The people that aren't have shown me that world really isn't as full of cruel people as I allow myself to believe, in fact the cruel ones it seems are just a vocal majority. To my fellow transitioners you've allowed me to feel that I'm not alone. And that gives me strength. Every time one us crosses another milestone or takes another step, however small it may seem, towards being the people we want to be it feels me with a pride.

Before this thread I'd almost completely closeted myself, again. Never to come back out. Because I'd decided transition was an unreachable goal for me. Then I find this thread. And all the amazing people and posts full of optimism, determination, and wisdom and it's made it all seem possible again.

So yeah, I'm proud. Of each and every one of us. And for the first time in a long time, myself. And I have all of you to thank for it. Much <3 TransGAF.

 

[Alfarif]

Ainsley's <3

I'm getting misty over here!

Spoiler

NO THAT IS NOT MY NEW NAME LEXI!

 

[lexi]

Great post, Ains. So easy to lose sight of the big picture sometimes. I think maybe it's a coping mechanism, and an annoying one at that.

I'll try to be quiet from now on.

 

[Jamie xxoo]

It was one such vlogger I messaged with a long whine about being jealous of younger TGs. The reply I got back completely changed my views.

LOL That vlogger was me! I wrote that! That was you? LOL.

I feel SO much better today after doing that vid last night where I wallowed in my self-pity. Sometimes you need to say your negative scripts out loud to hear how stupid they are and get rid of them. I have to make a follow-up vid to say that I was being silly for all the people who commented and bought into that crap. But first, I really need to get to the shops!

 

[Alfarif]

Great post, Ains. So easy to lose sight of the big picture sometimes. I think maybe it's a coping mechanism, and an annoying one at that.

I'll try to be quiet from now on.

If you are quiet, I will have to choke and die on a chocolate egg. Waaaaaaaaaaaah!

 

[Cetra]

LOL That vlogger was me! I wrote that! That was you? LOL.

I feel SO much better today after doing that vid last night where I wallowed in my self-pity. Sometimes you need to say your negative scripts out loud to hear how stupid they are and get rid of them. I have to make a follow-up vid to say that I was being silly for all the people who commented and bought into that crap. But first, I really need to get to the shops!

Aye, that was me. Didn't wanna drop a name without permission. :lol

And yeah, I'm not saying don't vent. Venting is awesome, but do vent. Don't allow those jealous (or other negative type stuff) feelings fester. Don't allow yourself to buy into them. It won't do you any good. =)

 

[NewGamePlus]

LOL That vlogger was me! I wrote that! That was you? LOL.

And it all comes full circle. I don't think it's necessarily wrong to be jealous, but yeah, you definitely have to remember how far you've come. Dwelling on what if's won't get you anywhere.

Spoiler

NO THAT IS NOT MY NEW NAME LEXI!

Don't be silly Ariel. We know Misty's not your name.

 

[Jamie xxoo]

Aye, that was me. Didn't wanna drop a name without permission. :lol

And yeah, I'm not saying don't vent. Venting is awesome, but do vent. Don't allow those jealous (or other negative type stuff) feelings fester. Don't allow yourself to buy into them. It won't do you any good. =)

Yeah, I think sometimes you need to expose your silliness to see it for what it is or it does, it just eats away at you.

 

[Alfarif]

Don't be silly Ariel. We know Misty's not your name.

:lol

I just want you ladies to know that you're all beautiful people, and we're all proud of the steps you're taking. So many people choose never to grow into their skin, and you all are doing one of the hardest things anyone could do, and for that, I applaud you. I like this thread, because I get to see examples of strength every day, and that makes me really happy. I'm so glad I've gotten to know all of you!

 

[Cetra]

And it all comes full circle. I don't think it's necessarily wrong to be jealous, but yeah, you definitely have to remember how far you've come. Dwelling on what if's won't get you anywhere.


Don't be silly Ariel. We know Misty's not your name.

:lol :lol :lol :lol Busted!

 

[Alfarif]

:lol :lol :lol :lol Busted!

I love that name. Next lifetime. :lol

 

[NewGamePlus]

Psh, you just like it because the mermaid is a redhead.

 

[Alfarif]

Nothing wrong with that! But it's a really pretty name, too.

 

[lexi]

Misty from Pokemon is also a redhead. Just saying.

 

[Alfarif]

Waaaaay too young.

Speaking of which, what kinds of guys/girls are you into? How do you think this has changed over the course of your transition?

Spoiler

I'm pretty slick with turning the tables and taking the attention off of me, huh?

 

[lexi]

Well if a guy is taller then me that's a BIG plus. I'm fairly lax on everything else. I do kinda have a thing for thin, effeminate guys, but yeah, pretty lax.

Btw I decided to give this Chatroulette thing a go and I think it's hilarious. I could not stop laughing at some of the reactions I appeared to be getting.

 

[NewGamePlus]

Honestly, I'm attracted the most to tomboys and feminine guys. That's got to say something weird about me, but I'm not going to bother to figure out what. :lol

 

[SuperAngelo64]

What game is that from? My problem with Korean MMOs (are we really getting into this discussion in this thread!?) isn't that the few models don't have crazy amounts of details, it's that you have about 5 total choices for ANYTHING.

It's from Aion. Which has hands-down the best customization of any MMO. You can change every detail about the face, height..everything (even down to the length of arms and legs). You can even wear whatever you want, in a sense. For example, if you play a melee class but want to wear an awesome mage cloak, you can wear plate armor but swap the look to look like whatever item you want. Plus you can but dyes to change the colors of your clothes/armor.

I also don't know how you haven't heard of it. It's the second most subscribed MMO in the world.

 

[Alfarif]

It's from Aion. Which has hands-down the best customization of any MMO. You can change every detail about the face, height..everything. You can even wear whatever you want, in a sense. For example, if you play a melee class but want to wear an awesome mage cloak, you can wear plate armor but swap the look to look like whatever item you want.

I also don't know how you haven't heard of it. It's the second most subscribed MMO in the world.

Ah, I remember being told it was a total customization whore of a game. Basically the next step of what needed to happen. I know nothing abuot the gameplay.

I've heard of it, I just haven't bothered LOOKING at it. Nothing really holds me like WoW, and I'm burnt out on that right now anyway. That and, if they don't have a Mac client, I'm not really interested in installing Windows on my machine to play it.

Btw I decided to give this Chatroulette thing a go and I think it's hilarious. I could not stop laughing at some of the reactions I appeared to be getting.

I love how the first guy is so enchanted with you. It's like he's completely in love. How did that conversations go? More pics!

 

[Cetra]

Great smile, Lexi.

 

[lexi]

That particular conversation was hilarious cause he hardly said anything, he just had a goofy look on his face

Here's another one, just a shirtless guy, better then somebody straight out masturbating.

 

[Alfarif]

I am seriously going to have to try this one day. But I'm going to have to print out some big eyes and a top hat and wear that while on it. Because just me would be really freakin' boring. It would crack me up if suddenly Lexi appeared. I would dance with a bunch of Cadbury Cremes around me.

 

[Cetra]

I am seriously going to have to try this one day. But I'm gonig to have to pring out some big eyes and a top hat and wear that while on it. Because just me would be really freakin' boring. It would crack me up if suddenly Lexi appeared. I would dancing with a bunch of Cadbury Cremes around me.

*poof* A wild Lexi appears! ! !

:lol :lol Sorry, a co-worker was just over here geeking out over her Pokemon and that's the first thing that popped into my head when I read that post.

 

[Rctdaemon]

Btw I decided to give this Chatroulette thing a go and I think it's hilarious. I could not stop laughing at some of the reactions I appeared to be getting.

You look so cute when you grin like that.

 

[Android18a]

^ Haha that guy looks dumbstruck at Lexi's gorgeousness!

 

[Alfarif]

I agree, Android, but this:

Is even better. Such a sly smile. She's like "Why hello thar."

 

[Alfarif]

I just saw this on CNN.com:

Her Name was Steven

I won't be able to watch, but is anyone going to check it out?

 

[Cetra]

I really wish I could be at home to see that. It looks like it will be pretty decent. I've tried finding other times it'll run but I'm not having any luck. Eh, here's to hoping it'll be released on DVD at some point.

 

[lexi]

New avatar get! <3

This will be a much more permanent addition I'm thinking :3

Thank youuu Jessica!

 

[Android18a]

You iz most welcome innit.

*browses asos.com for a nightie*

 

[Jamie xxoo]

New avatar get! <3

Awesome!

 

[Android18a]

Also new avatar get. Yay for a new graphics tablet <3

 

[lexi]

That's exactly how I imagine you would look as a cartoon, Jess.

 

[Cetra]

Those are quite the spiffy keen avatars!

 

[Android18a]

I'd like to thank Lexi for being my Tech Support Lady.

 

[Jamie xxoo]

LOL I sense weekly webcomic.

 

[Alfarif]

I could get with this.

Please let there be a weekly comic strip staring the two of you. That would be beyond awesome. :lol :lol

 

[Hop]

Honestly, I'm attracted the most to tomboys and feminine guys. That's got to say something weird about me, but I'm not going to bother to figure out what. :lol

At least we're both weird, then.

 

[Jamie xxoo]

My previous partners were a personal trainer, and before that an army officer, so you can probably imagine the type of guys I go for.

 

[Alfarif]

My previous partners were a personal trainer, and before that an army officer, so you can probably imagine the type of guys I go for.

I'm striking out all over the place here. I'm neither feminine in body nor am I buff. :lol :lol

 

[Android18a]

My previous partners were a personal trainer, and before that an army officer, so you can probably imagine the type of guys I go for.

Hot ;D Gotta love a guy with a bit of muscle on him!

 

[NewGamePlus]

I'm striking out all over the place here. I'm neither feminine in body nor am I buff. :lol :lol

Says the guy who's wife browses this thread. Also, I actually lean a lot more towards women. I wonder if that might start to switch in the near future.

 

[mollipen]

Eh, I don't get the whole jealousy thing.

To be serious on this subject for a moment... I think, by nature, there may be some jealousy in us directed at others in the thread, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing. Jealousy is a natural human emotion, and while it can destroy you if you let it, it can also help push you in the direction you want to go because it helps you understand what things in life you really want.

Far more than that, however, you're absolutely right: this thread has been less about "OMG that bitch is doing better than me at all of this" and more about trying to support one another in dealing with this all. As Jamie said in her response to you, we're all in a situation we wish we weren't in, so the best thing we can do is understand that, support each other, and hopefully get through it all without feeling like we have to do it alone.

I'm sure that already, each of us has taken something from this thread, and it really is wonderful to hear what it's done for you. It can be funny to think of just how much a little thread on a random message forum can mean to somebody, but that's one of the amazing things about communication.

So, really, I don't think jealousy among any of us has ever really been an honest issue, but I also don't think we should feel ashamed of ourselves if that emotion does crop up from time to time. It's natural, and it is going to; being forced to understand it when it appears and deal with it in a constructive way is just one of the many positive aspects this thread can have.

 

[lexi]

Okay, I think I'm getting addicted to Chatroulette, probably because it's the biggest ego inflation tool ever.

I have not had a single person recoil in horror and they all take me at face value, and by that I mean asking to see my boobs.

 

[Android18a]

To be serious on this subject for a moment... I think, by nature, there may be some jealousy in us directed at others in the thread, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing. Jealousy is a natural human emotion, and while it can destroy you if you let it, it can also help push you in the direction you want to go because it helps you understand what things in life you really want.

Far more than that, however, you're absolutely right: this thread has been less about "OMG that bitch is doing better than me at all of this" and more about trying to support one another in dealing with this all. As Jamie said in her response to you, we're all in a situation we wish we weren't in, so the best thing we can do is understand that, support each other, and hopefully get through it all without feeling like we have to do it alone.

I'm sure that already, each of us has taken something from this thread, and it really is wonderful to hear what it's done for you. It can be funny to think of just how much a little thread on a random message forum can mean to somebody, but that's one of the amazing things about communication.

So, really, I don't think jealousy among any of us has ever really been an honest issue, but I also don't think we should feel ashamed of ourselves if that emotion does crop up from time to time. It's natural, and it is going to; being forced to understand it when it appears and deal with it in a constructive way is just one of the many positive aspects this thread can have.

I agree, Shidoshi. Any jealousy here is of the "wow, she's doing so well, that gives me encouragement to go further myself" or "I have a new goal to aim for!" variety, rather than the negative "I hate her because she's better than me" variety.

And Lexi, watch out for perverts =)

 

[mollipen]

Well, except for the jealousy I feel over the fact that I swear some of you have some super secret non-GAF chat fun going on that I'm not a part of. *laughs*

 

[lexi]

It's just MSN and gossip back and forth. You're free to join in on that, I'll PM you my MSN / email.