Thunder Monkey
Banned
YOU'RE THE ONE THAT MADE THE JOKE EASY TO GRAB!Dead Man said:
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Transgaf: 'cause boys will be girls (and vice versa)
- Thread starter lexi
- Start date
Thunder Monkey
Banned
Just like a Canadian cop, I blame the victim.Dead Man said:
Phoenician_Viking
Banned
I just wanted to say, that i support this thread.
EatChildren
Currently polling second in Australia's federal election (first in the Gold Coast), this feral may one day be your Bogan King.
I forgot to mention this, but I watched a doco about a week ago called Transsexual in Iran, and it was really heartbreaking.
A vast majority of parents will completely disown their children if they come out as transexual, and unless they have surgery it's impossible (and often dangerous) to allign themselves with the female gender. As with a lot of countries like that, homosexuality is too banned and heavily punished, so they cant even have relationships.
However, the government strangely funds the operations for a sex change, and upon have the surgery they can they begin having relationships with men.
It forces transsexuals into a position of either living thier lives misserably and never being able to have a relationship, else suffer severe punishment, or conforming to the government surgery program and dramatically shifting their lives, not necessarily for the better. The problem is a lot of transsexuals, after surgery, are forced into lives of prostitution, as they are disowned by their family, shunned by society, and struggle to make a living.
The doco followed two women; one who had immense support from her family, and the other who was disowned. Both were obviously living hard, but the one who had support could continue her relationship after surgery, and at the very least seemed somewhat happy in life, thanks to her mother spending time with her and treating her like the human being she is (though this took time). The other, however, basically had her life ruined by the surgery. Her entire family refused to have any contact with her, so she lost the people she loved, and she was forced into a life of prostitution. She broke down on camera when asked about her life, and said she would have never had the surgery had she known it would be like this, and was utterly devoid of any hope she'd find love and happiness for the rest of her life.
I'm pretty sure it was titled 'Transsexual in Iran', so give it a Google and have a watch.
A vast majority of parents will completely disown their children if they come out as transexual, and unless they have surgery it's impossible (and often dangerous) to allign themselves with the female gender. As with a lot of countries like that, homosexuality is too banned and heavily punished, so they cant even have relationships.
However, the government strangely funds the operations for a sex change, and upon have the surgery they can they begin having relationships with men.
It forces transsexuals into a position of either living thier lives misserably and never being able to have a relationship, else suffer severe punishment, or conforming to the government surgery program and dramatically shifting their lives, not necessarily for the better. The problem is a lot of transsexuals, after surgery, are forced into lives of prostitution, as they are disowned by their family, shunned by society, and struggle to make a living.
The doco followed two women; one who had immense support from her family, and the other who was disowned. Both were obviously living hard, but the one who had support could continue her relationship after surgery, and at the very least seemed somewhat happy in life, thanks to her mother spending time with her and treating her like the human being she is (though this took time). The other, however, basically had her life ruined by the surgery. Her entire family refused to have any contact with her, so she lost the people she loved, and she was forced into a life of prostitution. She broke down on camera when asked about her life, and said she would have never had the surgery had she known it would be like this, and was utterly devoid of any hope she'd find love and happiness for the rest of her life.
I'm pretty sure it was titled 'Transsexual in Iran', so give it a Google and have a watch.
Thunder Monkey
Banned
Your avatar makes me hate you with violent passion.Beam said:
It also made me try to squish my monitor.
Fucking spiders.
Phoenician_Viking
Banned
I did not mean anything by that. I was just voicing support. I fixed it.Dead Man said:
Edit: I just realized i used the wrong word. It was not my intention at all. I am sorry if it offended anyone.
I am sorry, i just got mixed up. Please forgive me. I did not mean anything by it
All good, the trans members of GAF are all pretty good natured, as far as I can tell anyway, so they can probably answer any questions about things like that.Beam said:I did not mean anything by that. I was just voicing support. I fix it.
I am sorry, i just got mixed up. Please forgive me. I did not mean anything by it
firehawk12
Subete no aware
tearsofash
Member
II CETRA II said:
You're the fourth gaffer I've met since I've joined that's from TN also! I think there's a conspiracy afoot.
It indeed a small world. Or... Is it really just one huge state-spanning conspiracy? We may never know!
Just finished "transsexual in Iran" and on the one hand, I'm envious that the government is totally okay with treating transgendered patients. But it seems the treatment they are almost certain to receive from their families if they go through with surgery completely outweigh the positives over there. It really as EatChildren said, heartbreaking.
Just finished "transsexual in Iran" and on the one hand, I'm envious that the government is totally okay with treating transgendered patients. But it seems the treatment they are almost certain to receive from their families if they go through with surgery completely outweigh the positives over there. It really as EatChildren said, heartbreaking.
Instigator
Banned
What's Transgaf's take on Lady Gaga's Born this Way?
Awesome? Catchy, but can't take a pop song seriously? Just a bad song no matter the message?
Awesome? Catchy, but can't take a pop song seriously? Just a bad song no matter the message?
EatChildren
Currently polling second in Australia's federal election (first in the Gold Coast), this feral may one day be your Bogan King.
The government is only okay with the surgery as it seems like a workaround for all the out shit they have to go through. In the long run the society they live in prevents them from living with options, even if it seems like they do have a good option in surgery, as there is zero support (and even criminal persecution) for living without the surgery, and no promise of a good life should to chose to go through with it.
Doomed if you do, doomed if you dont.
Doomed if you do, doomed if you dont.
Instigator said:
I adore it. I find it to be rather empowering. I listen to it almost every day on the way to work. Makes for a good way to squeeze in some voice practice.
EatChildren said:
Aye, this much is certain. Another part I found kind of shocking is amount of misinformation coming from the surgeon. "No one ever regrets the surgery". I know of many who have gotten GRS and lived to regret it. There were more bits of bad info from him throughout the show but that's one that stuck out the most.
The scene that really go to me the most was when another documentary film maker was at the clinic and got into heated exchange with a trans woman there. Telling her what she was and wasn't and how she believed the trans-woman didn't want surgery because she didn't really know who she was. I mean, can you imagine?
And then she went on the surgery even though she didn't really want it because that was the only way society would recognize her as a woman, even if they ostracized her in doing so. If anything is did demonstrate the tremendous courage of the trans community in Iran. And at the same time shined light on a some real darkness as well.
Stellares said:
They all wish to be women, it's just that in one case she didn't believe the surgery was right on religious grounds. She said at one point she didn't wish to "Change God's work". Can't really argue with that.
Myself I'm of the same mind but more for medical reasons. I want nothing more than to be a woman and to be accepted within society as such, but I'm wary of the surgery for many reasons. Not the least of which are the risks involved, as well as the function of the genitals after surgery. I've heard that many trans women don't have a problem with function after surgery, but I've also heard from many for whom surgery made the simple act of peeing difficult and sometimes rather messy.
As much as I hate having a penis, I'd rather have a functioning penis than a non-functioning vagina. And honestly, if my ultimate goal is to be accepted in day to day life as a female, then I think Facial Feminization Surgery is much more worthwhile investment.
Well that serves me right for using wikipedia.
Anyways, I don't agree with that statement. Tons of people change "god's work", but suddenly that changes when it comes to SRS. I consider my penis to be just as much as a defect than a tumor or other problem.
I am slightly nervous about the possible consequences of the procedure, but I still would love to have the procedure done. I can't feel comfortable with my body with that thing.
Anyways, I don't agree with that statement. Tons of people change "god's work", but suddenly that changes when it comes to SRS. I consider my penis to be just as much as a defect than a tumor or other problem.
I am slightly nervous about the possible consequences of the procedure, but I still would love to have the procedure done. I can't feel comfortable with my body with that thing.
I don't agree with it either, to be frank. But, as deeply personal as the issue of being transgendered inherently is I can't say I fault her for that train of thought.
But I'm right there with you, I too consider my penis to be severe birth defect. But I just can't imagine swapping it for something else that isn't guaranteed to work. I know nowadays there are plenty of surgeons around the world who perform the surgery so well that those risks are quite low, but the risk is still there.
Gonna get a little super-personal here, but I'm a virgin. Say I go through with the surgery and find someone I trust and love enough to have a sexual relationship with. What if it turns out my brand spanking new vagina can't produce an orgasm? I know this penis, as much as I despise it can.
I dunno, just one of the many things I think about. Which is probably a good thing, since one should never take surgery lightly. I'm not saying surgery is off the table with me. I just don't see it as some ultimate self-defining thing. Now, if we lived in a society that walked around everyday greeting each other by crotch grabbing I'd probably sing a much different tune. But we don't, people "clock" people based on their face and body language. Not what's between their legs. At least... not at first.
But I'm right there with you, I too consider my penis to be severe birth defect. But I just can't imagine swapping it for something else that isn't guaranteed to work. I know nowadays there are plenty of surgeons around the world who perform the surgery so well that those risks are quite low, but the risk is still there.
Gonna get a little super-personal here, but I'm a virgin. Say I go through with the surgery and find someone I trust and love enough to have a sexual relationship with. What if it turns out my brand spanking new vagina can't produce an orgasm? I know this penis, as much as I despise it can.
I dunno, just one of the many things I think about. Which is probably a good thing, since one should never take surgery lightly. I'm not saying surgery is off the table with me. I just don't see it as some ultimate self-defining thing. Now, if we lived in a society that walked around everyday greeting each other by crotch grabbing I'd probably sing a much different tune. But we don't, people "clock" people based on their face and body language. Not what's between their legs. At least... not at first.
krypt0nian
Banned
Thunder Monkey said:
I love the monkey! XOXO. And I love every member of transGAF. *hugs*
Thunder Monkey
Banned
And he tolerates your presence.krypt0nian said:
*air of superiority*
krypt0nian
Banned
Thunder Monkey said:
It's all I can ask for now. You'll learn to love me.
*leaves the room, bowing and scraping*
krypt0nian
Banned
lexi said:
I am so thankful for TransGAF & GayGAF. There are no words. <3
What an amazing group of people.
Thunder Monkey
Banned
I will walk with you.krypt0nian said:
Continue to bow and you may gain my honor.
II CETRA II said:
It's funny, because I've had the same thing happen recently - getting pegged by people as female when I wasn't even trying. I even had a security guard look directly at me for a minute or so and then direct me to the women's bathroom. *laughs* I think a great deal of it is my hair being longer + having a new style for it has greatly changed my usual appearance.
And yeah... it's awesome, and then it really sucks. You want it to happen more and more, and you want that to be the norm not the exception.
Since EatChildren asked, my situation has been one of very little progress, but a lot of that is my fault. Lost my job last year, and then worrying about a job got piled on to trying to sort myself and my home life out. I was really gung-ho about getting myself into a new job and not letting it all get to me, but it didn't take long of getting absolutely no responses to applications I had submitted to get me to feeling like crap. I'd never been on unemployment before, and had been working since high school, so I didn't feel guilty that I needed to go onto it for a bit; however, having that safety net allowed me the benefit of feeling sorry for myself and still having money coming in.
So, that's what happened, and I found myself basically... existing. Wife would drag me out of our apartment every now and then, but as I have no real friends here in LA beyond casual acquaintances, it was easy for me to just sit in my apartment avoiding the world or anything to do with it.
I really hate thinking how much time I wasted, but there's nothing I can do now to chance that. I'm back working, I'm trying to get other stuff in my life done, I'm trying to get back to figuring out what the hell I'm going to do. I'm trying to find some sort of social life, but lord that's tough to do (at least for me). I really do wish I knew somebody here that I could connect with as friends, because then it'd be harder to allow myself to just sit at home wallowing in self-pity.
II CETRA II said:
There is, of course, also the possibility that mentally you disconnect with that part of you so much that it ends up you hate sex because you can't get any pleasure from it.
Instigator said:
I appreciate the message, but can't stand the song. I think it's the first Gaga single that I haven't loved (or at least quite liked).
Anyhow, welcome to Stellares and tearsofash. If there's one piece of advice I can give, it is that meeting and talking to other people who are trans can really be a good thing, but try to make friends with those that you have other things in common with as well. When I first started dealing with all of this, I was kind of like "I need to be part of the trans community!" I then came to find that that was absolutely not what I should do, because I was meeting a lot of people I had nothing to relate to with other than this one issue. I felt a little out of place, and the fact that all of my interactions with them was trans-related drama got to be too much to deal with very quickly. At times I almost felt like these groups that were supposed to be there for support were possibly doing me more harm than good.
It's one (of many) reasons I'm very grateful that my close friend back home all were very accepting of me when I told them about this. I understand the attraction of hiding yourself away in a community of people who are all like you and understand you, but I think it's more important for me not to do that. If I can become friends with other people who are trans on a real level (and I think I have), that's great, but I don't want to feel like that's the only type of friend I'm supposed to have now.
I really wish I could create topics now. It is a historic instance in Pakistan.
http://tribune.com.pk/story/136426/sc-pushes-to-implement-orders-for-eunuchs-rights/
http://tribune.com.pk/story/136426/sc-pushes-to-implement-orders-for-eunuchs-rights/
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
Zapages said:
A eunuch is not the same as a transgendered person though...
FleaTheMagician
Member
Checking in and Subscribing. I hope this thread is still active. I could use a forum like this.
It's not really super active. Maybe that can be changed, it really pattered out after keeping a brisk pace for quite a while.
I for one became more private, I pretty much used to broadcast every other thought in this thread and it all just became white noise.
If anyone has a subject to raise or questions they'd like to see answered, I'm definitely down for that.
I for one became more private, I pretty much used to broadcast every other thought in this thread and it all just became white noise.
If anyone has a subject to raise or questions they'd like to see answered, I'm definitely down for that.
Master Milk
Member
I've got something that I hope isn't insensitive or anything.lexi said:If anyone has a subject to raise or questions they'd like to see answered, I'm definitely down for that.
So, yesterday I was reading Bra Girl, a manga where the main character is a girl with a penis. The whole story is basically about her getting a boyfriend. The main point of conflict should be obvious.
That got me thinking to how I'd react in that kind of situation, if a girl I liked was suddenly like "I've got a dick, sorry for hiding it." I guess that situation assumes a lot of things, but I think I know how I'd handle it.
So, my question for the people here is, how do you handle relationships? From what I understand, a lot of people don't go through with the surgeries, so I thought maybe this was a relevant question.
FleaTheMagician
Member
Master Milk. I assume it's different for everyone, so these are my own personal thoughts on this.
I am super shy in real life, I don't get out much, and when I do I usually keep to myself. Of the 4 girls that I have dated, 3 of them have been trans girls that I have met on the internet. I'm not a 'chaser' or anything, it just happens that I have MUCH more in common with them than other girls. So anyways, by the time we meet, and hang out, and eventually start dating, we already know all about eachother.
I am super shy in real life, I don't get out much, and when I do I usually keep to myself. Of the 4 girls that I have dated, 3 of them have been trans girls that I have met on the internet. I'm not a 'chaser' or anything, it just happens that I have MUCH more in common with them than other girls. So anyways, by the time we meet, and hang out, and eventually start dating, we already know all about eachother.
With relationships I ensure that the guy knows before we have any intimate contact. There's a sweet spot when telling someone, I've found. If it's the first thing you tell them then all bets are off, he may eventually give you the whole 'I'm fine with that, you're so brave' schtick, or just bail out altogether.
If you wait a little bit and get to know them they're more inclined to see you as an actual person, not totally defined and encapsulated by your trans-ness.
This only applies to relationships for me. I don't feel I need to tell other people in my life, it's just 100% easier being a woman to people than being a transwoman is.
If you wait a little bit and get to know them they're more inclined to see you as an actual person, not totally defined and encapsulated by your trans-ness.
This only applies to relationships for me. I don't feel I need to tell other people in my life, it's just 100% easier being a woman to people than being a transwoman is.
I'm glad to see there is still something of a community here. I'm still sort of stuck in the middle deciding how to deal with my identity issues. I've heard in this very thread to not transition unless you are sure it is something you want. On the other hand, I've also been heard of many people that regret waiting so long.
It's now been well past the half year mark since I started feeling this way, and I wouldn't consider myself suicidal about it, and there have even been many days where I decided not to worry about it, and just forget the whole thing. That has proven impossible; not a day has gone by where this hasn't been at the front of my thoughts. One thing that really bites is its effect on potential relationships; I befriended a girl last semester, and I felt there was a mutual interest, but I couldn't bring myself to make a move due to these issues. Maybe that's me over-thinking things(never!), but I can't stand the thought of getting into a potentially long term relationship with someone until at the very least I know what I want.
Even then, I worry that I may not have the mental fortitude to face such changes. On top of all of that, I have no health insurance to speak of, and I'm a poor-ass college student. At the very least, I'm working again, and plan on putting some money away. Argh!
It's now been well past the half year mark since I started feeling this way, and I wouldn't consider myself suicidal about it, and there have even been many days where I decided not to worry about it, and just forget the whole thing. That has proven impossible; not a day has gone by where this hasn't been at the front of my thoughts. One thing that really bites is its effect on potential relationships; I befriended a girl last semester, and I felt there was a mutual interest, but I couldn't bring myself to make a move due to these issues. Maybe that's me over-thinking things(never!), but I can't stand the thought of getting into a potentially long term relationship with someone until at the very least I know what I want.
Even then, I worry that I may not have the mental fortitude to face such changes. On top of all of that, I have no health insurance to speak of, and I'm a poor-ass college student. At the very least, I'm working again, and plan on putting some money away. Argh!
Master Milk said:
I was wondering if "Bra Girl" was a different name for the manga I know as "No Bra", which is also a trans-related manga. But nope, it's not, thus I have a new title to check out! *heh*
I have a friend who is fully transitioned except for that last step (I'm not sure if she's going to go the SRS route or not), and she's currently trying her hand at OK Cupid. At first, she put the fact that she's transgender in her profile, but then she took it out. She was getting a lot of responses where it was tough to judge how serious they were, so she decided to avoid that drama until she actually found somebody she might click with.
Speaking hypothetically for myself, I'd go the route that lexi does. Wouldn't say anything right away, because that's not really their business at that point. If there's a genuine feeling that things may go further (or that I want them to), I'd tell them at that point and hope they don't totally freak out. I mean, best case scenario is for them to know right from the start, and still have interest in you beyond that one aspect, but you know.
FleaTheMagician said:
I've come to have a bit different opinion on chasers than many others in the trans community may have, and again it's easy for me to think whatever I want when it's all hypothetical - so, I'm not saying I'm 100% right or anything. But, I think some people are quick to label others as "chasers" when it isn't really fair. Sure, there are some guys who only want to mount a transgirl because she's trans, and when that's over with they're done with you. However, I think for other guys (and girls, to be fair), it's an attraction and that's that. Everybody has a particular type of person they're attracted to, and there's nothing wrong with that. The problem comes in when you're only interested in somebody because of one aspect, versus having an initial attraction to them possibly because of that aspect but then getting to like them beyond that.
I mean, let's be honest: a vast amount of relationships are started because of some initial spark of attraction. If you met your wife because she's a redhead, and you're hot for redheads, but your relationship has grown far beyond that, that's great. If the only reason you're married to her is the fetish, that isn't fair to her.
So, if a guy is attracted to transgirls and wants to date one, more power to him I say. It's when it gets creepy and he sees her as a fetish and not a real person that I start to get bothered by it.
PhoenixDark
Banned
shidoshi said:
Have you ever been in a situation where you told someone and they freaked out? I don't know how I'd respond initially, but after time I could get past any early shock if I liked the person.
Gaborn said:
You're 100% correct; and I don't want to whine about it, but that has been easier said than done. I moved in with a new roommate two months ago, and I told him several months ago. He said that if I ever needed to talk about it, he'd listen. Even with an open invitation, I haven't been able to bring it up.
My college does have allow for (I believe) 5 free counseling sessions a year. Maybe soon I'll be able to work up the courage to set up an appointment. It all seems so ridiculous to me; how can I make any major changes when I'm afraid to even talk about them?
iirate said:
It should be at your own pace. It's great that you were able to tell your roommate though, I'm sure that took a lot of courage. I think you need to remember that no matter what, if you choose to change it's for you, and if you choose NOT to it's for you.
Anything you want to do will still be open to you either way, all you're thinking about is well, changing a pronoun. That's what it comes down to really. (excluding romantic relationships) I'm not TG so I never had exactly the same issues, though I guess as a gay man the issues were sort of similar, but my understanding is it is a long slow process to decide whether this is right for you. The fact that you were able to tell your roommate two months ago is a step, and whether you tell other people are all steps. Also something to consider, you could probably ask your room mate to go with you to your first counseling session if it would make you more comfortable.
Again though, at your own pace, and in your own time.
crowphoenix
Banned
Hey, don't worry. Everyone's nervous the first time they have to talk to someone about that. Hell, I remember being terrified the first time I went to my therapist. I was so scared that the first thing I did was blurted it all out. Didn't even say hi.iirate said:
Just take things at a pace you feel comfortable with.
There's no need to rush yourself. If you don't feel you're ready then give it some time. When you feel ready you should definitely set up an appointment. For me I didn't have the luxury of preparing myself as I was forced into it when I was about 17 because my parents thought I was becoming suicidal.iirate said:
Thanks for the replies everybody. I have spoken to people about it before; my (former) best friend, as well as his girlfriend and a couple of other friends I know, but I had a falling out with the best friend and aforementioned girlfriend late last year, and a couple of moves since last Summer as well as my own antisocial tendencies have put some distance between the other two friends and myself. I guess that's why I'm so frustrated; I've taken that first step already in the past, and I guess I've regressed a bit.
You're all right though, I do not need to rush anything. Thanks.
You're all right though, I do not need to rush anything. Thanks.
InfiniteNine
Rolling Girl
Hi everyone, I'm a bit too shy to really say much right now but I thought I'd come and introduce myself since I plan to eventually post and ask some questions in here. Still curious and trying some things so I'm a bit nervous about saying anything yet.