Femmeworth
Banned
My parents are both Christian too. :\ Your dad sounds like a really tough sell, unlike mine. Approaching your mother first definitely sounds like a good idea.
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Transgaf: 'cause boys will be girls (and vice versa)
- Thread starter lexi
- Start date
Amibguous Cad
Member
I went out dressed for the first time this weekend!
It was just to the mailbox and back, but still!
To be honest, I still don't know whether I'm trans or not. In a perfect world, I'd start hormones tomorrow, but society is pretty terrible to trans people. I think my GID is minor enough that I can manage being a crossdressing queer boy, but I have to admit that I'm dressing and changing my presentation (shaving especially) a lot more than I used to. It wouldn't surprise me if I was transitioning in a few years, but I guess I'm just not ready to take that step yet.
Did anyone here go through a similar experience, or was it different for you?
It was just to the mailbox and back, but still!
To be honest, I still don't know whether I'm trans or not. In a perfect world, I'd start hormones tomorrow, but society is pretty terrible to trans people. I think my GID is minor enough that I can manage being a crossdressing queer boy, but I have to admit that I'm dressing and changing my presentation (shaving especially) a lot more than I used to. It wouldn't surprise me if I was transitioning in a few years, but I guess I'm just not ready to take that step yet.
Did anyone here go through a similar experience, or was it different for you?
IceDoesntHelp
Banned
He's impossible, so when he finds out he'll be disappointed in me for the rest of my life. But things come with consequences. So we're basically opposites d: Does your mum accept you now, or did you just recently come out?
Sorry for asking questions d:
CHEEZMO
Obsidian fan
That's what I always thought you were!
I never knew you [might] have GID/be Trans.
Amibguous Cad
Member
CHEEZMO;36003822 said:
That's what I always thought you were!
I never knew you [might] have GID/be Trans.
I don't know either, man, I'm just trying to figure this thing out.
CHEEZMO
Obsidian fan
Well good luck - I hope you can make sense of things
I'm sorry, but:
Hilarious to me right now.
I made that joke ages ago
CHEEZMO;36004044 said:Well good luck - I hope you can make sense of things
I made that joke ages ago
Don't care, funny now
Cad, I actually had a therapist try to suggest the opposite for me, that I should just be a crossdressing queer boy instead of a girl. ....There are many reasons he was not worth talking to. :/ But it really just comes down to what you're actually comfortable with; if you don't want to transition, don't, if you do, do.
Femmeworth
Banned
My parents have known for a while now. Since I'm not transitioning at the moment, it doesn't come up much. I don't think my mom quite understands it conceptually, rather than is against it. She's unfortunately the ignorant type. She thought Obama was going to be the anti-Christ. -_-
IceDoesntHelp
Banned
I have a small feeling my mum already knows, but I guess I'll find out tomorrow. Ahh, I can see that. That's weird. Haha. Any long term plans on when you're hoping to start, or are you too busy looking for a job?
I really didn't want to go all livejournal on you kind folks, but I'm sort of freaking out about my current situation and I figured that I'd look for advice.
Basically, my job situation sort of blows. I am able to pay my bills, and will be able to afford HRT very soon, but little else. I have no health coverage what-so-ever, and most importantly, I feel like a sellout working in the American pizza industry while being a staunch supporter of animal rights and a vegan.
HOWEVER, my boss likes me, so do my co-workers, the job itself is easy, I work hard, and I just learned that my aforementioned boss wants to train me as his assistant. I'd receive a significant pay raise along with more hours, and most importantly, I feel like my current job is a safe place to transition.
That last point is a real kicker, especially considering that I live in Texas. Currently, the main conflict is my desire to move forward with transitioning and my own personal ethics. I've told myself for a long time that I only do this work because I need a stable job to survive, and now that I have the additional expenses of transitioning to worry about I feel that pull even more strongly, but the truth is that I COULD find another job, and I instead feel like I'm compromising who I am by playing safe at this one.
Finally, I found out last week that my current roommate will be moving away when our lease expires in June, which gives me the opportunity to leave Texas that I have been looking for. I feel like my decision should be easy, and I should just move away and try my luck somewhere that I don't feel terrible, but actually making that move just seems impossible right now. I feel like I currently have to choose between two very important aspects of myself: my desire to transition and no longer live in secrecy and my own ethical code. Even typing this out, I know that there's no easy answer that anyone will be able to give me, but I guess I just need to let these things out, anyways.
Sigh.
Good luck!
Basically, my job situation sort of blows. I am able to pay my bills, and will be able to afford HRT very soon, but little else. I have no health coverage what-so-ever, and most importantly, I feel like a sellout working in the American pizza industry while being a staunch supporter of animal rights and a vegan.
HOWEVER, my boss likes me, so do my co-workers, the job itself is easy, I work hard, and I just learned that my aforementioned boss wants to train me as his assistant. I'd receive a significant pay raise along with more hours, and most importantly, I feel like my current job is a safe place to transition.
That last point is a real kicker, especially considering that I live in Texas. Currently, the main conflict is my desire to move forward with transitioning and my own personal ethics. I've told myself for a long time that I only do this work because I need a stable job to survive, and now that I have the additional expenses of transitioning to worry about I feel that pull even more strongly, but the truth is that I COULD find another job, and I instead feel like I'm compromising who I am by playing safe at this one.
Finally, I found out last week that my current roommate will be moving away when our lease expires in June, which gives me the opportunity to leave Texas that I have been looking for. I feel like my decision should be easy, and I should just move away and try my luck somewhere that I don't feel terrible, but actually making that move just seems impossible right now. I feel like I currently have to choose between two very important aspects of myself: my desire to transition and no longer live in secrecy and my own ethical code. Even typing this out, I know that there's no easy answer that anyone will be able to give me, but I guess I just need to let these things out, anyways.
Sigh.
Good luck!
If you work for a national chain, you could look into getting a job at another location. I have a friend who worked at Whole Foods and they were happy to work with him to move from Texas to California. That obviously doesn't help with everything, but being in a different place physically can be a good start towards being in a different place mentally. If you relocated you could start looking for another job in the area using your current employer as sort of a financial home base.
I dunno, it just seems like a way to worry about things individually instead of all at once.
I dunno, it just seems like a way to worry about things individually instead of all at once.
I understand the issues you might have with your job, but I would say that (a) working in a place that sells meat, and working in a place that directly slaughters/processes that meat is very different, (b) right now is a tough time to find new jobs, and (c) while sticking to your ethics is important, I think my first goal would be transitioningespecially if you feel like your current job would support you in doing so.
You don't know how supportive your new job would be in terms of your transitioning, and trying to find a job in the middle of doing so could be really hard. If I were in your situation and had a job I might disagree with, but one where I felt comfortable enough to start transitioning, I'd stick in that job for now.
NewGamePlus
Member
Just wondering
I'm vegan too. I think I've noticed at least 3 or 4 of us in this thread have mentioned or alluded to (coughironandb12deficiencycough) being veg*n. So, just how many of us are there?
I'm vegan too. I think I've noticed at least 3 or 4 of us in this thread have mentioned or alluded to (coughironandb12deficiencycough) being veg*n. So, just how many of us are there?
I got a friend who has a gf who is transgendered. - he loves her deeply but she wants more from him. tell me if this is gonna work out cause this is what he did for her - paid half her rent twice, paid her mom's co-pay (a half of it) bought her 900 dollars worth of stuff (including a couch bag, a new iphone and sneakers) and she complains he is not committed to her. She still wants him to buy makeup (which men dont do as far as i know) and perfume and they still havent really gone out for a date yet...
so what is my friend doing wrong if she is saying hes not comitting to her?
so what is my friend doing wrong if she is saying hes not comitting to her?
NewGamePlus
Member
What does any of that have to do with being trans?
he thought that she was going to have his back and he her back. thats all he wanted.
IceDoesntHelp
Banned
So I told my mum, almost puked from how nervous I was though.
She seemed to be pretty neutral about it. She basically said just live out how you want to.
She doesn't quite understand (even though I explained it to her) why I'd want to be a female.
She also asked if there was anything she could do to change me :/
So, I'm not sure how to feel.
Thinking about it, that's the hardest thing I've ever done.
She seemed to be pretty neutral about it. She basically said just live out how you want to.
She doesn't quite understand (even though I explained it to her) why I'd want to be a female.
She also asked if there was anything she could do to change me :/
So, I'm not sure how to feel.
Thinking about it, that's the hardest thing I've ever done.
NewGamePlus
Member
So nothing. Got it.
No seriously, why'd you ask this here and not in one of the relationship threads? I don't really see how being trans factors into that at all.
But I guess if you want a real answer then I would say relationships are more complex than some financial partnership. Even if he is paying for stuff she still might feel like he's not fully committed if he's neglecting her emotionally. That's just a hypothetical of course, I don't actually know anything about the relationship except for what you just posted. The easiest way to figure out what is bothering her is for one of you to ask her. You know, communication and what not.
IceDoesntHelp said:
Congratulations, it's a big first step. It's definitely hard for many people to understand at first, but if it makes you noticeably happier then those whom care about you will come to embrace it.
IceDoesntHelp
Banned
Thanks. It sure does seem that way, I don't know why I thought it would be easy for people to accept :/ I sure do hope so. Just making plans to go on hormones makes me so happy!
Also, I can't choose a name. Its between Amy, Sydney and Kairi. Anyone willing to give their two cents?
NewGamePlus
Member
Names are always an interesting topic. Something you may or may not want to take into account is how popular a name was when you were born. For instance, Amy was more popular two decades ago than it is now, while Sydney only gained popularity ten years ago. Presumably, I don't actually know how old you are but, you would have been more likely to have been named Amy. Though both names are common enough that you'll probably never get any perplexed reactions.
Ethnic names, I think, are a different beast. Do you have one now? Keep in mind, you'll constantly have to repeat it and clarify spelling. Some people might even have adverse reactions to finding out you named yourself if it's something "weird."
Also, don't go with Kairi if you just like Kingdom Hearts, because I hate Kingdom Hearts.
IceDoesntHelp
Banned
I'm currently 19, people keep saying Amy fits me the best, so I'll probably just stick with Amy.
Haha, I personally think Kairi is a pretty name, but Kingdom Hearts is how I found out about the name.
(Note that my suggestions are based on personal preference, so feel free to disagree entirely.)
I would skip Sydney. I tend to feel like androgynous names, or closely androgynous ones, make the question of "is that a boy or girl?" more prominent at a point in life when you don't really want that. ...Unless you do want that.
Of the two remaining- Amy is common, ordinary, uneventful, perfect to blend in. It's safely female, so no issues there. Kairi is a little more uncommon, and it's in that "constantly respelling" class of names. Say it out loud and you can get a bunch of viable spellings (Kari, Carrie, etc). Worth keeping in mind. (My therapist thinks I'm Zo; I keep having to tell him, it's Zoe, that's what it's supposed to be, the other spellings are the weird ones.)
Also worth thinking about- what's your nationality and heritage? Amy has a pretty safe Anglo-Saxon feel. Kairi does as well, but it has a different feel to it that I can't exactly pin down. I'd suggest looking up etymologies on any names you plan to use; just focus on national origin, don't worry about meaning. Nobody gives a crap if your name means "tranquility".
But your name should loosely fit both your background and presentation; you don't need an Asian name if you're Japanese-American but raised strongly on the American half. But if you're American and white don't even try Asian.Getting into overanalyzing territory, phonetics. Thinking about myself and my coworkers, we all have three- or four-syllable names, and the vowel sounds are generally distinct, and they all sound normal. I currently have ah-uh/eh-oh; my female name has oh-ee/ah-uh. (I even managed to keep it up for my middle name, to have oh-ee/aye-ee/ah-uh.) A little repetition on unstressed syllables works, but too much stressed repetition feels artificial or sing-song-y. Amy goes a-ee, Kairi goes eh-ee (unless you pronounce it kaye-ree). Mind your last name more than your middle name in deciding the pattern.
If you care enough for you family that you plan to keep your current last name, you can win brownie points with your parents by finding out what female name they were considering for you and using that, either as a first name or middle name. This is assuming they had one and can remember it. It can go a long way in emphasizing to them that you're still their child, just you're now their daughter.
IceDoesntHelp
Banned
That's not likely possible. I'm adopted, I haven't seen or talked to my birth mum in over a decade. Though I do plan on changing my last name, and that's where it gets difficult haha.
Thank you for sharing your opinion though! Interesting read that's for sure
I think I'm going to go with Amy.
NewGamePlus
Member
You know, people say that a lot but I don't know if it's actually true. I have an androgynous name and I really think people categorize you long before they even hear your name. Then again, I've apparently had an easy transition and I do, in fact, like invoking the "is that a boy or girl" question (just never happens anymore). So what do I know?
And maybe hate was a strong word for KH, but seriously, so overrated.
And that point, more than any of the others, was why I put the little "personal preference" disclaimer up. I don't like invoking the question, so I don't like androgynous names, and anecdotally I don't find a lot of transwomen like invoking the question overall. But if you do, yea, an androgynous name is actually a good idea.
From what I understand, this is possible, but it wouldn't be automatic. The chain I work for is national, but I work for a franchise within the chain. If I did transfer, I would lose some of the advantages that currently keep me at my work place, but I do agree that it is something to consider, and is probably the best course if I do decide to move.
Thanks for the input. To clarify a little, I actually dislike selling meat more than I mind handling it. I don't care for either, but one is a direct promotion of something that I don't agree with, while the other is "merely" disgusting. Anyways, I think you're right, and your reasoning is what has kept me at this job for the last several years, but I guess it's becoming harder to reconcile this particular conflict.
Haha, I have no clue, but that's pretty funny.
Ooh, I like Sydney, so I'd place my vote there (although I highly doubt you're going to choose a name by popular vote). I don't have a lot of advice here, as the name I picked out ended up breaking more rules than it adhered to (doesn't share a first letter with my boyname, wasn't too common at my time of birth, although it is "normal" enough that I don't think it would raise any eyebrows).
For a time, I tried finding a name that would keep my initials intact, but nothing really clicked. My boyname itself was completely androgynous, but keeping it was a no-go. Then, I considered Ariel for a while, mostly because of some slightly clever wordplay involving it and my boyname, but ultimately, I decided that I just didn't like the name. I took a break from searching, and then last summer, I found the name I was looking for: Audrey. Haven't looked back since.
Kairi is from Kingdom Hearts? Yeah, I have to echo your statement.
NewGamePlus
Member
Yeeeaaah, I'm strange. But my point was I'm not actually entirely sure androgynous names help facilitate that.
IceDoesntHelp
Banned
Yeah, same for me. But I just don't have any names I like that start with an R. Rachel/Rachael isn't a name I like at all and I can't seem to think of any other names that start with an R that I'd like.
Yep, I had to deal with the dreaded 'R' as well. Rachael was definitely not the name for me. I do like Ramona or Robin, but neither one felt right.
IceDoesntHelp
Banned
Awful letter to have really. Only one I really like is Rosaline, but I like Amy and Sydney far more..
Yep - she's all I think of when I hear that name (probably because I know no Ramonas IRL).
I'm ony a lurker around here but in my opinion Amy is a nice name.
In b4 avatar quote
IceDoesntHelp
Banned
I'm ony a lurker around here but in my opinion Amy is a nice name.
In b4 avatar quote
Haha. I think so too, and that the name I'm going with. Been thinking about it. Amy is perfect! Thanks for the opinions everyone
I guess your right... ill let him know. Thanks. Yall the best posters here for real.
IceDoesntHelp
Banned
Just out of curiosity, is anyone else here from Ontario, or is it just me?
Huge first step, and I'm proud of you for being strong enough to do itjust remember that that's only the beginning, not the end. When I started telling people, the feeling I had was kind of like "I get this over with, and that's that", but it really isn't. Your mother will still need to process what she's been told, and how she feels a week, a month, or a year later could be totally different than how she feels now (for good or bad).
My opinion is don't ask anybody's opinion. *laughs* Really, to me, the most important thing is that you find something that you like and feel an attachment to. What people call you is huge, and something as simple as a name will go a long way in helping you to connect with the new you.
I may sound like a dirty hippie saying this, but I didn't choose my nameit chose me. I never would have expected to decide on the name that I did, but I found myself using that name more and more and feeling a connection to it. Had I sat down with a list and just tried to pick one, I'd have driven myself crazy (as I love girl's names, and love creating character ideas around particular names).
It isn't like a message forum handle, where you can change it once you get bored of it or grow out of ityou're picking the name that will identify you going forward as people get re-acquainted with you. So, it's something to not take lightly, and it really needs to be something that you yourself feel a tie to, not just what we (or anybody else) might like or suggest.
IceDoesntHelp
Banned
Thanks! It took a lot. Alright, thanks for letting me know, that'll help me quite a bit knowing that information.
Haha, I just like knowing peoples opinions when I get stuck d:
Some of the best writing I've seen going towards names. I'll think about the name for a bit longer, but I think I'll be going with Amy, as its a name I've been thinking about using for the past 4 years (yep I'm a slow one).
Just to be clear, I have nothing against asking for opinions on your name choices, just wanted to clarify that I think the final decision has to come from you and you only. I mean, hell, with me, I had more than one person telling me that they didn't like the spelling of the name I chose. *laughs*
You can't let comments like that sway you if it's what you really want.
You can't let comments like that sway you if it's what you really want.
IceDoesntHelp
Banned
I must ask, how do you girls get rid of arm hair? Its the one thing I've been avoiding, but I need to get rid of it.
InfiniteNine
Rolling Girl
I use an epilator on my hands and just shave the rest off with a razor myself~1
This may seem sort of odd, but I actually don't mind my arm hair. Hopefully it'll lighten up and/or thin out a little with hormones, but unlike the rest of my body hair, I actually sort of like it.
alysonwheel
Member
An epilator or wax is good since you don't get that sharp stubbly effect when it grows back. After a while on hormones you'll find your body hair becomes softer and much less dense.
IceDoesntHelp
Banned
I think my arm hair is too thick :/ Out of all the body hair, arm hair is the one I dislike the least, but I just hate body hair in general, even on men. I find it gross, and disgusting.
So basically an epilator and/or wax. Which one is more painful? haha.
My midwestern hometown of Omaha, Nebraska has now approved an ordinance that protects LGBT residents from discrimination in the workplace—even while keeping the protection for "gender identity" (which was a bit of a controversial part of the ordinance).
Very, very proud of you Omaha.
Very, very proud of you Omaha.
Have you considered you may be a lesbian?
A man with hair in the right spots is delicious.Way to go Omaha!
alysonwheel
Member
They're both horrible in their own special way. Waxing is like ripping off huge plasters so it's at least quick, but it's probably more expensive in the long run than just buying a reasonable quality epilator and just dealing with it. Having a hot bath or shower right before, and getting one of those epilators with an ice pack attached can help a lot (although I never use the one on mine any more since my leg hair is too sparse to cause much pain).
Have you considered you may be a lesbian?
I gotta agree with the lady above: body hair on men is a bit nasty, really.