Oohhh... New page. I'm going to repost my parody on entertainment. Our fellow Uncharted fans have to wake up to something good tomorrow...
------------------------------------
Know what? I got a great idea for Uncharted 2. They should have Nate and Elena return as the leading characters, but wait something's wrong with Sully. Sully shoots Nate. Oh my God the horror. Nate tells Elena to never forget him. Elena runs off and than becomes the main character for Uncharted 2, dethroning Assassin's Creed for biggest twist in a video game. Later when federal law enforcement comes to inspect the crime, Nate's body is gone, and with it the necklace he had cherished so much. It is there that Elena gathers her courage and vows to find the necklace at all costs. She would get to the bottom of this and find why the necklace was so important to Sully.
As she journeys to the north through the artic tundras of Canada, hot on the trails of her lover's murderer, she begins to have these abnormal dreams. In the dreams, she is alone: all alone and crying. Crying crying crying. Then out of the corner of her eye, she sees him. She sees Nate. She gets up in a hurry, but it is already too late. He fades back into the shadows. He is gone again, and she is alone once more. She cries. Then, in the blink of an eye as if shot out from the Heavens themselves a burst of light engulfs all: shining through the darkness. Nate is there. He is back, and he stands there scared. He trembles and looks around, seeking for comfort. Elena rushes up and tries to grab his hands. She passes through him. He continues to stare, looking for that comfort. It is then that she realizes that the light was coming from her. It was radiating from her body outward. She finally understood. He was alive. He's not dead. She began to fall from her dream. The light closing back up into her womb.
She had learned all she needed to know. Nate was still alive, and she was going to rescue him. She decided a change of attire would reflect this mood. She quickly grabbed various materials and sewed herself a dress like none other. It was blue, with white frills. She even decided to grab a microphone and sing about Real Emotion to penguins and wild beasts of the night. They would all feel her amazing voice and cease what they were doing as if in a trance. She then took out her pistol and shot them all. She even justified that it was necessary to finding Nate. She continued to travel for miles and miles, and eventually reached the coast. Where was she supposed to go now.
She collapsed. She sat on the ground for what must have been hours, and then realized she had wasted too much time. She then proceeded to rewind time back to where she first encountered the coast, all the while the noise of film being rewound echoed in her ears. All of a sudden she could make a noise out of it, "PIGS BLOOD"; more rewinding, "ROCKS!" She stopped. She resumed time and decided to head west. "Why do you choose west?" Elena turned around. Across from her was a girl in a blue dress with white frills and blonde hair. She looked familiar. "Nate always loved Rocks. East is full of vivaciously vigor vigrants who try to oppose their government with wands. Nate never was one for politics." The other gave an exasperating sigh, "EAST! The far east." Elena smiled, "I don't wish to fall off World's End. The only other place to go is West. Believe it!"
With that said, Elena continued her journey west. She met cowboys and buffalo and more cowboys and buffalo... and long stretches of land with nothing to do.
Finally, she reached the end. She could see the lapping waters rush up onto the shore. She even thought she saw a bottle wash up ashore. She thought it had a note in it, but thought she would be invading peoples privacy if she read them now. She turned around to have one last look at the land she was about to leave behind. Dust rolled in the distance. She looked down at her watch. It read 3:10. She let out a sigh and turned to meet the waters. "This should only take 60 seconds." She waded out into the waters, and looked up. A wave. It crashed down upon her body. She felt an instant surge of pain. She let out a whelp. And then as if a ton of bricks left her, she let go. SPLOOSH! Her eyes wide, she looked down and snatched the baby dangling by its umbilical cord. Holding him by his heel, she trudged through the rest of the knee deep waters and found herself in Alaska. She turned back around and saw an inconvenient truth begin to overtake the land.
She ran and ran. Ran, ran, and ran. Soon it was dark, and she couldn't find anybody, "Anybody?!?" To her disbelief, far into the darkness, she heard something move. A cry pierced the night as invisible nightwalkers jumped roof to roof watching her. She passed by a forklift. She thought she saw someone in there with a shotgun, but wasn't for sure. She went into one of the houses in town, and was encountered by the villagers. "You come from the beyond?" Elena met their gazes, "Look I don't know what you guys are talking about, just shoot 'em in the head. It works for me. Now if you'll excuse me." She went upstairs and opened the window. With the baby in her hands, she thrust him out of the window to get better light. The moon was not able to offer much, but it was enough. She inspected the boy and found him to be of weak build. She discarded him: absorbed into the abyss with a sickening thud. She left the house then, but, out of the corner of her eye, she saw him. It was Nate. She walked up to him. It seemed he was hunched over something. SMUCK SMUCK SMUCK. She looked down and saw pieces of the umbilical cord she had cut when she was upstairs. GASP!
Nate began to get up, ready to meet his next meal. Elena wide-eyed, began to back up. She fled. She fled for what must have been days. Weeks even. She tried to count how many but couldn't get past 23. She found an abandoned factory, and walked in. It was dark in here, but only for a while. Suddenly, the lights were turned on. She let out a shriek. There were 88 nightwalkers surrounding her. But she didn't have a weapon to fight them with. Use the heart. Its your only hope. She turned around and found a key that was wedged in between some gears. She pulled it out. "Without a heart, you guys have nothing. I know that the kingdom is light!" Then it goes all black and white and she slices and dices. She also chucks a few ninja stars. Eventually she kills them all except for one. She pulls the lone survivor over to where she found the key. "Where's Sully!!!" "I don't know," the figure responds. She slams his head against the revolving gears. "WHERE'S SULLY!!!" He couldn't take it this time, "He's waiting for you. He's in the..." A dart soars in and punctures the fighter's neck. As he breathes his last breaths, he says, "You can save him. Just sacrifice yourself and the magic will be broken."
Elena hesitates, and then goes upstairs to the rafters. At the top, Sully waits. He has the ring of power. The energy in the place seems to rise. He has mutated eyes and a heart that pumps outside of his body. He has become a monster now. Instead of fingers, he has tendrils: big; large ones. He seems to think he is perfect. Just then, a new person appears. Behind Elena, storms in Nate. He looks at Elena, transfixed and unwavering. He frowns and tears pour out from his blood drenched eyes. Elena rushes over to him. Sully sees what is going on and sends his tendrils flying towards Nate. Elena is one step ahead of him, though, and throws herself in front of him. The tentacles drive through her. Nate stands there aghast. Elena, by the force of the blow, is sent hurdling off the rafters and lands on a stone table. Symbols light up and she begins to heal up. Nate, because of her sacrifice, is free of his barbaric bonds and pulls out uzis from under his shirt. He shoots at Sully sending hundreds of bullets his way. Some kick-a$$ music starts playing and they start shooting at eachother from behind cover: Nate dodging stuff, and Sully trying to avoid all the whizzing bullets. Eventually, Nate shoots off one of his tentacles and then sees a bunch of explosive barrels. He shoots them and the resulting explosion shakes the Earth. A blinding white light engulfs the world.
Nate and Elena are together again. They are on a purple shore, looking at a big egg hovering above the water with weird orange globs floating over to it. Nate says, "I don't want to be a part of that. I want to be with you." Elena holds her stomache which now has bandages around it, "You are so f*(c)ked up." They hug, and kiss. Then they are sent back into the world, and are congradulated by a bunch of random people, including Naughty Dog. And so they lived happily ever after.
The End. Or is it? Uncharted 3 lives.
------------------------------------
Know what? I got a great idea for Uncharted 2. They should have Nate and Elena return as the leading characters, but wait something's wrong with Sully. Sully shoots Nate. Oh my God the horror. Nate tells Elena to never forget him. Elena runs off and than becomes the main character for Uncharted 2, dethroning Assassin's Creed for biggest twist in a video game. Later when federal law enforcement comes to inspect the crime, Nate's body is gone, and with it the necklace he had cherished so much. It is there that Elena gathers her courage and vows to find the necklace at all costs. She would get to the bottom of this and find why the necklace was so important to Sully.
As she journeys to the north through the artic tundras of Canada, hot on the trails of her lover's murderer, she begins to have these abnormal dreams. In the dreams, she is alone: all alone and crying. Crying crying crying. Then out of the corner of her eye, she sees him. She sees Nate. She gets up in a hurry, but it is already too late. He fades back into the shadows. He is gone again, and she is alone once more. She cries. Then, in the blink of an eye as if shot out from the Heavens themselves a burst of light engulfs all: shining through the darkness. Nate is there. He is back, and he stands there scared. He trembles and looks around, seeking for comfort. Elena rushes up and tries to grab his hands. She passes through him. He continues to stare, looking for that comfort. It is then that she realizes that the light was coming from her. It was radiating from her body outward. She finally understood. He was alive. He's not dead. She began to fall from her dream. The light closing back up into her womb.
She had learned all she needed to know. Nate was still alive, and she was going to rescue him. She decided a change of attire would reflect this mood. She quickly grabbed various materials and sewed herself a dress like none other. It was blue, with white frills. She even decided to grab a microphone and sing about Real Emotion to penguins and wild beasts of the night. They would all feel her amazing voice and cease what they were doing as if in a trance. She then took out her pistol and shot them all. She even justified that it was necessary to finding Nate. She continued to travel for miles and miles, and eventually reached the coast. Where was she supposed to go now.
She collapsed. She sat on the ground for what must have been hours, and then realized she had wasted too much time. She then proceeded to rewind time back to where she first encountered the coast, all the while the noise of film being rewound echoed in her ears. All of a sudden she could make a noise out of it, "PIGS BLOOD"; more rewinding, "ROCKS!" She stopped. She resumed time and decided to head west. "Why do you choose west?" Elena turned around. Across from her was a girl in a blue dress with white frills and blonde hair. She looked familiar. "Nate always loved Rocks. East is full of vivaciously vigor vigrants who try to oppose their government with wands. Nate never was one for politics." The other gave an exasperating sigh, "EAST! The far east." Elena smiled, "I don't wish to fall off World's End. The only other place to go is West. Believe it!"
With that said, Elena continued her journey west. She met cowboys and buffalo and more cowboys and buffalo... and long stretches of land with nothing to do.
Finally, she reached the end. She could see the lapping waters rush up onto the shore. She even thought she saw a bottle wash up ashore. She thought it had a note in it, but thought she would be invading peoples privacy if she read them now. She turned around to have one last look at the land she was about to leave behind. Dust rolled in the distance. She looked down at her watch. It read 3:10. She let out a sigh and turned to meet the waters. "This should only take 60 seconds." She waded out into the waters, and looked up. A wave. It crashed down upon her body. She felt an instant surge of pain. She let out a whelp. And then as if a ton of bricks left her, she let go. SPLOOSH! Her eyes wide, she looked down and snatched the baby dangling by its umbilical cord. Holding him by his heel, she trudged through the rest of the knee deep waters and found herself in Alaska. She turned back around and saw an inconvenient truth begin to overtake the land.She ran and ran. Ran, ran, and ran. Soon it was dark, and she couldn't find anybody, "Anybody?!?" To her disbelief, far into the darkness, she heard something move. A cry pierced the night as invisible nightwalkers jumped roof to roof watching her. She passed by a forklift. She thought she saw someone in there with a shotgun, but wasn't for sure. She went into one of the houses in town, and was encountered by the villagers. "You come from the beyond?" Elena met their gazes, "Look I don't know what you guys are talking about, just shoot 'em in the head. It works for me. Now if you'll excuse me." She went upstairs and opened the window. With the baby in her hands, she thrust him out of the window to get better light. The moon was not able to offer much, but it was enough. She inspected the boy and found him to be of weak build. She discarded him: absorbed into the abyss with a sickening thud. She left the house then, but, out of the corner of her eye, she saw him. It was Nate. She walked up to him. It seemed he was hunched over something. SMUCK SMUCK SMUCK. She looked down and saw pieces of the umbilical cord she had cut when she was upstairs. GASP!
Nate began to get up, ready to meet his next meal. Elena wide-eyed, began to back up. She fled. She fled for what must have been days. Weeks even. She tried to count how many but couldn't get past 23. She found an abandoned factory, and walked in. It was dark in here, but only for a while. Suddenly, the lights were turned on. She let out a shriek. There were 88 nightwalkers surrounding her. But she didn't have a weapon to fight them with. Use the heart. Its your only hope. She turned around and found a key that was wedged in between some gears. She pulled it out. "Without a heart, you guys have nothing. I know that the kingdom is light!" Then it goes all black and white and she slices and dices. She also chucks a few ninja stars. Eventually she kills them all except for one. She pulls the lone survivor over to where she found the key. "Where's Sully!!!" "I don't know," the figure responds. She slams his head against the revolving gears. "WHERE'S SULLY!!!" He couldn't take it this time, "He's waiting for you. He's in the..." A dart soars in and punctures the fighter's neck. As he breathes his last breaths, he says, "You can save him. Just sacrifice yourself and the magic will be broken."
Elena hesitates, and then goes upstairs to the rafters. At the top, Sully waits. He has the ring of power. The energy in the place seems to rise. He has mutated eyes and a heart that pumps outside of his body. He has become a monster now. Instead of fingers, he has tendrils: big; large ones. He seems to think he is perfect. Just then, a new person appears. Behind Elena, storms in Nate. He looks at Elena, transfixed and unwavering. He frowns and tears pour out from his blood drenched eyes. Elena rushes over to him. Sully sees what is going on and sends his tendrils flying towards Nate. Elena is one step ahead of him, though, and throws herself in front of him. The tentacles drive through her. Nate stands there aghast. Elena, by the force of the blow, is sent hurdling off the rafters and lands on a stone table. Symbols light up and she begins to heal up. Nate, because of her sacrifice, is free of his barbaric bonds and pulls out uzis from under his shirt. He shoots at Sully sending hundreds of bullets his way. Some kick-a$$ music starts playing and they start shooting at eachother from behind cover: Nate dodging stuff, and Sully trying to avoid all the whizzing bullets. Eventually, Nate shoots off one of his tentacles and then sees a bunch of explosive barrels. He shoots them and the resulting explosion shakes the Earth. A blinding white light engulfs the world.
Nate and Elena are together again. They are on a purple shore, looking at a big egg hovering above the water with weird orange globs floating over to it. Nate says, "I don't want to be a part of that. I want to be with you." Elena holds her stomache which now has bandages around it, "You are so f*(c)ked up." They hug, and kiss. Then they are sent back into the world, and are congradulated by a bunch of random people, including Naughty Dog. And so they lived happily ever after.
The End. Or is it? Uncharted 3 lives.
