So, I have been big pretty much my whole life. The past few years has really taken a toll on my body. I transitioned from a retail job where I was on my feet for 6-8 hours each shift, walking around, helping customers, pushing in carts, to an office job. Even though the retail work wasn't a lot of exercise, it was still a hell of a lot more movement than I get sitting on my ass 8 hours a day in the office. I was maintaining around ~300 lbs back then. I have ballooned up to just above 400.
I really hate my work sometimes, but it is a paycheck. I work in a small office where there is constant backstabbing and general bullshit. People depend on me to get things done while my coworker in the same department is allowed to live life easy and gets a free pass. Needless to say, my work stresses me the hell out. I know it isn't an excuse, but it I am so mentally drained by the time I get home all I want to do is relax on the couch. I have been trying to find someplace else to work, but my pickings are slim to none. I wouldn't mind going back to retail or a job working with the public, but the pay is so low that I couldn't afford to go back. Blaming my health on work probably isn't fair, there are millions of people out there who work in an office and maintain a healthy lifestyle. I am sure there is something deep down in me that is causing me to be unhappy with parts of my life. A lot of my clothing I can't even wear anymore, so I end up cycling through a handful of shirts and pants getting by because fat people clothes are expensive as all get out. It is too easy to stay in a daily routine where life passes me by, and I don't realize the damage I am doing to my own body.
It was a rough realization when I looked at myself in the mirror and saw what I have done to myself. I got married about 6 months ago, and I hate looking at myself in those pictures. It is supposed to be one of the happiest times of my life. I enjoyed the wedding, but how can it be a happy memory if I can't even look at myself? I broke down about a month ago and for the first time in a long, long time, I cried. I envisioned myself to be one of those people who needs help getting my socks on, getting dressed, have trouble moving around, etc. I don't have difficulty dressing myself right now, but I can easily see it get to that point if I don't change my diet and my sedentary lifestyle. I really never thought I would get to a point like this in my life, but here I am.
Before my marriage, I tried a low carb diet, it worked well and I lost ~15 pounds. I fell off of the diet after a good two months, and I am back to square one. I tend to have bad days and just say fuck it, and get pizza or some other unhealthy food to make me feel better. I will probably try to go back to that and try hard to stay on it.
I'll try to keep you guys posted with my progress, even if I end up just talking to myself.