What are some of the weirdest things you've done or had happen to you during sex?
- Thread starter Exodust
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lord that's nasty
oh god. this is the worst. happened to me when my girlfriend ate some jalapenos and we didn't think it through. the burning was unreal and it took us a few minutes to realize why my dick was on fire.
I can't believe no one quoted this. Hands down the worst in the thread ( although competition is fierce)
I hadn't laughed that hard in a while, thanks.
Crimsonlink
Member
I have laughed so hard thanks to this. I literally cannot stop laughing while quoting this post.
Crimsonclaw111
Member
One time my girlfriend had koolaid or something before she blew me, then when I came she spit it out and it came out red.
I'm very colorful.
I'm very colorful.
blitzkrieg184
Neo Member
Car bj from a girl and her cousin when I was driving them home. They were fun.
Spikematic
Member
Yeah, I'm definitely way to vanilla for just about everything in here. Doubt I'll be able to eat breakfast now, I legitimately feel queasy, even though I'm positive most of those are made up stories. No one to blame but myself I suppose... 
Afa
Member
Count Dookkake
Member
This has got to be a scary and confusing thread for forever alone GAF.
Or make sure you only date gaffers.
Jeff Albertson
Member
Lost my virginity on a beach in Greece very late at night.
It was awkward as hell in general for the short time it lasted, then her mum and dad walked past, I feared for my life then her dad gave me the thumbs up and told me he just got some!
It was awkward as hell in general for the short time it lasted, then her mum and dad walked past, I feared for my life then her dad gave me the thumbs up and told me he just got some!
I dunno man, I think they've seen worse in their vita collection.
Man, if someone as utterly fucked up as me can be in a relationship with and fuck a hot Brazilian chick then absolutely no one one GAF should be "forever alone." You know that "who's more fucked up?" scene in Deadpool? We've totally done that and both easily topped the fuckedupness said there.
Nah, Vita smut is pretty tame.
Shuggananas
Banned
It would be if the girls didn't look 12.
Anyyyyyyyyway,
While trying to do that "use your mouth to apply a condom" trick, one girl ended up not only break the condom with her teeth, but some of my dick skin too.
Suffice to say, we didn't bang.
How about instead of accusing anyone of stealth bragging you actually try to contribute?
What is this image? All I see is vbulletin logo. I've seen this a few times around gaf already.that's some stealth bragging if I've ever seen any
Count Dookkake
Member
Yeah, that a dude who is almost 40 has had sex is definitely bragging.
oh oh oh i remember now when i tried anal with my first gf. i must have blocked this from my memory or something. in the moment i realised you really have to prepare for this. i went straight in with spit, not lube and plugged it for a few mins. once i pulled out i was surfing in a high tide of shit particles. she saw and burst into tears while i ran for the shower to scrub for eternity
Alcotholic
Banned
I dislocated my shoulder having sex once.
Otherwise my sex life is pretty normal.
Otherwise my sex life is pretty normal.
Why would it?
The day after my 22nd birthday I felt pretty damn shit. I had a terrible year behind me, lots of people in my life that were with me for years had left me and I was still chasing after a girl I had romantic feelings for but who never wanted anything to do with me. I also hadn't had sex for 2 years at that point.
So I went out into the city, had a few drinks (but didn't get drunk) and headed into the red light district. I wasn't really 100% sure about sleeping with a prostitute but I at least wanted to look around. So I walk past the windows, the prostitutes start trying to get me to join them and I say "fuck it,why not" and go into the window of a beautiful black lady.
We talk business and get down to it and as we just start, she says "let me put my legs up on your shoulders baby" and just like, pulls them up. I wasn't prepared for that and my arm is in the way of her leg,she tries to move around it quickly and BAM hits me in the side of my head with her high heels.
I'm all "wtf happened?" and she just becomes SO worried and concerned all "omg i am so sorry oh god are you ok omg i am sorry really!" and tries to like, check out my head if she hurt me or something. to do that she pulls away from me and wants to sit up and as she does I move forward and she basically knees me in my erection.
I get the wind taken out of me and just fall over grabbing my junk as she now becomes almost panicked and tries to help me,comfort me,say she is sorry all at the same time.
Needless to say, ther was no more sexy times then. Instead she made us both drinks, kept asking if I was ok and then we talked for like an hour and she listened to my troubles (which in retrospect were barely worth mentioning). She even wanted to give me my money back, but I said she should keep it, she earned it for being my shrink that night (and I joked she'd beat me up again if I took it). She sent me on my way with a kiss and told me to keep my head up and funnily enough that encounter changed my gloomy outlook overnight and things started going well from then on out.
Sounds like a scene from Sexy Frasier
Taco_Human
Member
Just posting to find this thread in my history for later. I do have some stories, nothing outrageous that hasn't been mentioned but I'll add them later.
Good question. Just kinda weird that queefing happened cause before that I only had it happen during fucking.
Spoiled Milk
Banned
Dai Kaiju
Member
This.
DrGonzo615
Banned
Maybe Im just not that kinky but none of that shit sounds brag-worthy to me.
industrian
will gently cradle you as time slowly ticks away.
This has brought back a lot of memories of living in student accommodation in Yorkhill.
Shia_Labeouf
Banned
Nonononononononononononononononononononononononononono. lmao
Sheriff_Battlesnake
Banned
I as asked to deliver a closed fist punch once.
Same girl also banged me at her parent's party in the pool. Like... mostly only when no one was outside, but people were coming in and out. She just wrapper her legs around my waist and we were making out then *bloop* she'd just stick it in. Idk why I would allow that with some more years on me, but at the time I was pretty happy about it.
Mmm. I've had sex while I was out of town with someone and we were at a party sleeping on the floor. Another friend was a couple feet away and we had quiet floor sex, attempting to not disturb anyone.
I'm sure toe + mouth and ass + tongue isn't all that weird in a thread about weird sex.
Uhm. I had sex with a very very very attractive woman from Tinder once. I believe she had lost all her hair as a young child and I noticed she wore a wig while we were getting down. That was an odd way to find out. I didn't bring it up, but she mentioned it later so it's not like it was some super secret, but an atypical way to realize it.
Same girl also banged me at her parent's party in the pool. Like... mostly only when no one was outside, but people were coming in and out. She just wrapper her legs around my waist and we were making out then *bloop* she'd just stick it in. Idk why I would allow that with some more years on me, but at the time I was pretty happy about it.
Mmm. I've had sex while I was out of town with someone and we were at a party sleeping on the floor. Another friend was a couple feet away and we had quiet floor sex, attempting to not disturb anyone.
I'm sure toe + mouth and ass + tongue isn't all that weird in a thread about weird sex.
Uhm. I had sex with a very very very attractive woman from Tinder once. I believe she had lost all her hair as a young child and I noticed she wore a wig while we were getting down. That was an odd way to find out. I didn't bring it up, but she mentioned it later so it's not like it was some super secret, but an atypical way to realize it.
Messofanego
Banned
Stick what in?
OniBarubary
Banned
You see, when a man and a woman like each other...in a pool...with those whacky foam noodles nearby...
Sheriff_Battlesnake
Banned
Stop, I'm at work! I can't be laughing like that.
First: I'm glad you're all right.
Second: I feel a kinda bad for the girl.
Third: This story is fucking hilarious.
Not necessarily a weird sex act, but still a kind of weird (& nasty) thing that happened. A one night fling, I went down on a girl to do some preliminary work and it literally tasted like puke. It was nasty. I didn't want to be rude so I didn't stop immediately but I tried to be done with that part of the act as fast as possible, more finger play than usually. I was a bit drunk & horny and hadn't had any in a while so I still went through with the non-oral part of it, as hard as it was to continue (at first) when I only had the taste of puke in my mouth.
To this day, I have (luckily) never confronted anything similar. Still gives me the shivers and a lump in my throat.
To this day, I have (luckily) never confronted anything similar. Still gives me the shivers and a lump in my throat.
Sheriff_Battlesnake
Banned
I feel bad for the girl but she should own up to come of the blame! Slapping her thighs sounds to me like desperate gasps for air that she was refusing to respond to!
I'd be so overwhelmingly apologetic even if it wasn't my fault. But then again I have a steep failure complex so ໒( ⊡ _ ⊡ )७
BKatastrophe
Member
Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name...
That's the part that really got me
Wow! No words. Just.... Wow.
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