What are some of the weirdest things you've done or had happen to you during sex?

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creatchee said:
I had a girl in doggy on the wooden floor of my friends' fraternity house when we were both drunk. I had seen this move in a porno where the guy grabs both of the girl's wrists behind her back and kind of suspension-fucks her, so I thought I'd try it. Worked pretty well and felt damned good because I had added leverage and she was really leaning down and hanging there. Drunken Me decides to switch up and put my hands on her hips. Unfortunately, I didn't tell her and she faceplanted on the wood. She yells "WHAT THE FUCK??!!" and donkey kicks me in the chest, knocking me over and hyperextending my knee. She turns on the light and her nose is covered in blood. She put her hand up to it, saw the blood that came off onto her fingers, and kicked me several times while I was floundering on the ground in my own pain.

Never tried that move again.
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BURNING SPIRIT said:
Love to the eat ass even on a sloppy slump buster, turned out to be a mistake once as I got a clump of something off my toungue,that felt like wet Kitty litter. Spat it Out and kept the show going. Im so fucking gross.
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....aaaaaaaaaand I gagged.
 
I got pegged by a MtF girl once. That's about it. Oh, she also liked it when I masturbated upside down so that the cum would drip into my mouth.
 
Hooked up with a girl one time. She asked for anal, but when I got about an inch in she freaked out, then said "sorry last time I did anal it was when my ex-husband raped me". Talk about boner killer. First and only time I've ever pretended to orgasm so I could GTFO of there.
 
my wife and i were having sex on the couch when i felt a weird wet sensation on my butt cheek only to turn around and see my dog there licking me.
 
One time (and the last time) I had sex in the shower. Because of the heat and humidity, I ended up losing consciousness, hitting my head on the faucet and having a seizure.
 
creatchee said:
I had a girl in doggy on the wooden floor of my friends' fraternity house when we were both drunk. I had seen this move in a porno where the guy grabs both of the girl's wrists behind her back and kind of suspension-fucks her, so I thought I'd try it. Worked pretty well and felt damned good because I had added leverage and she was really leaning down and hanging there. Drunken Me decides to switch up and put my hands on her hips. Unfortunately, I didn't tell her and she faceplanted on the wood. She yells "WHAT THE FUCK??!!" and donkey kicks me in the chest, knocking me over and hyperextending my knee. She turns on the light and her nose is covered in blood. She put her hand up to it, saw the blood that came off onto her fingers, and kicked me several times while I was floundering on the ground in my own pain.

Never tried that move again.
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:lol

This thread is amazing.
 
Pulled a girl at the club, I just wanted a one night stand. We get to her appartment, start making out, she wants to have a smoke before we do the deed. So we go outside, she lives on the ground floor, there is a quite tall wooden wall there so it's this kind of enclosed outside area that belongs to the appartment.

So we are outside, she's smoking, asking me what I want for breakfast and so on, me being deadly afraid of commitment, I start to get wierded out. In my drunken mind this girl wants a relationship. I'm starting to think it's time to get out of there but she pulls downs my pants and starts giving me head. We go in, she rips her clothes of throwing them on the ground, I stand there folding my clothes into a neat pile so I can find them later to make a quick getaway.

When we're almost done fucking I'm freaking out more and more, so I come up with a plan. So I cum in her hair, it's alot, she freaks out and runs in to the bathroom, I spring in to action, pull my underwear on, run outside I climb/jump the wooden fence with no idea what's on the other side, I brace for the landing, but there is a fucking bike stand on the other side and me and my clothes land ass first on an bike. Hurts like hell, but I'm just a little bruised so I get up and start walking away while getting dressed. Then I realise, my sneakers, I forgot my fucking shoes.

I never saw those sneakers again.
 
I was fooling around with my GF at a friends 21st

As we were getting to the good bit (both our pants were off), said friend bursts into the room with 2 other people in tow and takes a picture while shouting SUPRISE. The picture she took was all balls and ass.

I have never seen another human being go from excited to disgusted so fast. Worst part was I was so distracted I didnt even stop. Poor girl. Probably why she doesnt invite us over any more

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Hjod said:
Pulled a girl at the club, I just wanted a one night stand. We get to her appartment, start making out, she wants to have a smoke before we do the deed. So we go outside, she lives on the ground floor, there is a quite tall wooden wall there so it's this kind of enclosed outside area that belongs to the appartment.

So we are outside, she's smoking, asking me what I want for breakfast and so on, me being deadly afraid of commitment, I start to get wierded out. In my drunken mind this girl wants a relationship. I'm starting to think it's time to get out of there but she pulls downs my pants and starts giving me head. We go in, she rips her clothes of throwing them on the ground, I stand there folding my clothes into a neat pile so I can find them later to make a quick getaway.

When we're almost done fucking I'm freaking out more and more, so I come up with a plan. So I cum in her hair, it's alot, she freaks out and runs in to the bathroom, I spring in to action, pull my underwear on, run outside I climb/jump the wooden fence with no idea what's on the other side, I brace for the landing, but there is a fucking bike stand on the other side and me and my clothes land ass first on an bike. Hurts like hell, but I'm just a little bruised so I get up and start walking away while getting dressed. Then I realise, my sneakers, I forgot my fucking shoes.

I never saw those sneakers again.
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bro she just wanted to make you some scrambled eggs.
 
-Doggy in the back seat of my car. Was about to finish and pushed a little too hard and she hit her head pretty damn hard avians the door.

-once had a dog put his wet nose in my ass crack freakkng me the fuck out and finishing immediately

-the premature thing that happens to Jim in American Pie happened to 17yr old me. Never believed it was possible.

-my wife's dog (Jack Russel) ate the condom (unused). Just swallowed it whole. I didn't get any that night and she pooped it out 3 days later.
 
Nothing crazy but when me n the bf started dating it would always happen one of our many I'll-just-show-up friends would call/text 'I'm here!' and once walked in RIGHT after. Scarred her lol. But one time he answered a call during and I had to cover my mouth n not laugh whilst getting busy.
 
I dunno about "weird," but this is all I got.

My gf and I had been partying hard on a certain substance for a couple of days. As was often the case when we did this, when we came down she got extremely horny but I was absolutely wiped out. On this particular occasion I just needed to sleep, but she wouldn't take no for an answer. Laying in bed on my back, I said "If you can get me up, you can do whatever you want. But I can't move, I gotta sleep..." She went to work and apparently was able to do the trick. Meanwhile I dozed off. She rode me until she was satisfied, and then she leaned forward to cuddle. This caused her to pussy fart, with me still inside her. It must have been a big one, because it startled the hell out of me and I shot straight up out of bed; we bonked heads super hard and both had minor lumps on our foreheads the next day.
 
Hjod said:
Pulled a girl at the club, I just wanted a one night stand. We get to her appartment, start making out, she wants to have a smoke before we do the deed. So we go outside, she lives on the ground floor, there is a quite tall wooden wall there so it's this kind of enclosed outside area that belongs to the appartment.

So we are outside, she's smoking, asking me what I want for breakfast and so on, me being deadly afraid of commitment, I start to get wierded out. In my drunken mind this girl wants a relationship. I'm starting to think it's time to get out of there but she pulls downs my pants and starts giving me head. We go in, she rips her clothes of throwing them on the ground, I stand there folding my clothes into a neat pile so I can find them later to make a quick getaway.

When we're almost done fucking I'm freaking out more and more, so I come up with a plan. So I cum in her hair, it's alot, she freaks out and runs in to the bathroom, I spring in to action, pull my underwear on, run outside I climb/jump the wooden fence with no idea what's on the other side, I brace for the landing, but there is a fucking bike stand on the other side and me and my clothes land ass first on an bike. Hurts like hell, but I'm just a little bruised so I get up and start walking away while getting dressed. Then I realise, my sneakers, I forgot my fucking shoes.

I never saw those sneakers again.
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Did she take the front door with her into the bathroom too?
 
my left testicle regularly goes up into my abdomen when I'm on top and I have to stop, rearrange my ball back into place then continue on.

It's really offputting
 
Dazzler said:
my left testicle regularly goes up into my abdomen when I'm on top and I have to stop, rearrange my ball back into place then continue on.

It's really offputting
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lol this happens to me too

my ex would always ask me to do 'the thing' where i'd poke my left ball up into my body. it looked funny but is also uncomfortable. i fear one day it'll get lost in my body
 
Granadier said:
Did she take the front door with her into the bathroom too?
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The door to the outside was in the bedroom, it was closer and I was drunk, I didn't need to run past the bathroom when I took the route I took, and she wouldn't notice me darting. This made the most sense at the time.
 
My girl said she wanted to fake wrestle with me one time before we boned. She gets turned on by horseplay and shit. When she said she wanted to wrestle I thought she meant literally so I cut a quick promo while she looked at me and I put her in a headlock and said some shit about Wrestlemania.

Still fucked.
 
Zombine said:
My girl said she wanted to fake wrestle with me one time before we boned. She gets turned on by horseplay and shit. When she said she wanted to wrestle I thought she meant literally so I cut a quick promo while she looked at me and I put her in a headlock and said some shit about Wrestlemania.

Still fucked.
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You're a goddam hero.
 
Finale Fireworker said:
I was with my new girlfriend and we had only recently professed our love for each other. I had my forehead on her forehead and things were really, really nice. Then I lifted my head up and there was blood all over her face. She had one eye closed and her lips pursed to keep it from going into her mouth. It was horrific.

I had gotten a bloody nose and bled, copiously, all over her. Including in her open eye. ("My vision just went totally red, it was so scary!") I was mortified and humiliated, but she laughed about it. She got up and cleaned up and I just sat on the bed with tissues in my nose thinking she was probably going to leave me now, despite our recent confessions.

When she came back, she told me not to worry about it. I said, "but I bled in your EYE."

And she said, "but we're in love!"

We're still together. It's been three and a half years. We still have sex, too!
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What's this cute story doing here in the land of poops, blood, and jizz? Hahahah.

But seriously, that's really adorable. You two seem like a really cute couple :)
 
A teenage sweetheart loved to give me head in the back of their family car while her mum drove us to their farm. Come to think of it the living room with the mum in the kitchen was instant hand/headjobs with this girl too. Shit was weird but who am I to say no?

A little more context; dark nights, long drives, empty roads and a redhead girl.
 
I have gotten 2 nosebleeds during sex.

The first time I didnt notice it and we were in a funky position and she liked to be bit so I was biting her, not hard, but I got a nosebleed and for some reason didn't feel it, so when I got up I thought that I bit her so hard that she was bleeding... Luckily she was not and it was just blood gushing from my nose. She was surprsingly cool with it.


The next time was with a different girl where this time I felt the nosebleed coming and me coming at the same time. It was weird.. to say the least. No blood got on this girl though thankfully
 
Finale Fireworker said:
I was with my new girlfriend and we had only recently professed our love for each other. I had my forehead on her forehead and things were really, really nice. Then I lifted my head up and there was blood all over her face. She had one eye closed and her lips pursed to keep it from going into her mouth. It was horrific.

I had gotten a bloody nose and bled, copiously, all over her. Including in her open eye. ("My vision just went totally red, it was so scary!") I was mortified and humiliated, but she laughed about it. She got up and cleaned up and I just sat on the bed with tissues in my nose thinking she was probably going to leave me now, despite our recent confessions.

When she came back, she told me not to worry about it. I said, "but I bled in your EYE."

And she said, "but we're in love!"

We're still together. It's been three and a half years. We still have sex, too!
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I came here to laugh, not to feel.
 
She got on her knees and begged me to cum on her face and titties. I thought I was going to cum, but as I screamed/moaned I pissed all over her face and titties. That moan turned into me laughing at her.

I felt bad, but damn I was surprised. She looked surprised too. later she told me at first she thought I just came the biggest load she's ever seen. Only to have reality come crashing down to a laugh track
 
Finale Fireworker said:
I was with my new girlfriend and we had only recently professed our love for each other. I had my forehead on her forehead and things were really, really nice. Then I lifted my head up and there was blood all over her face. She had one eye closed and her lips pursed to keep it from going into her mouth. It was horrific.

I had gotten a bloody nose and bled, copiously, all over her. Including in her open eye. ("My vision just went totally red, it was so scary!") I was mortified and humiliated, but she laughed about it. She got up and cleaned up and I just sat on the bed with tissues in my nose thinking she was probably going to leave me now, despite our recent confessions.

When she came back, she told me not to worry about it. I said, "but I bled in your EYE."

And she said, "but we're in love!"

We're still together. It's been three and a half years. We still have sex, too!
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Aww, you manstrated on her. Literally.
 
Exodust said:
At the age of 17, I was dating this very depressed cutter. During the deed she asked if she cut herself a little if I would suck and drink some of her blood. Thought about it, didn't really have a problem with it, and did it.
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It's was the opposite in my case. She had a taste of my blood. She moaned when she tasted it. Was kinda hot. The deed happened after.

Majority of people don't care for that but if both people are clean then I say why not.
 
I once....and this other time i...sorry i got nothing.
Great thread tho, thanks to all the gaffers sharing horror, fun and even some cute stories.
 
John Rabbit said:
bro she just wanted to make you some scrambled eggs.
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Zombine said:
My girl said she wanted to fake wrestle with me one time before we boned. She gets turned on by horseplay and shit. When she said she wanted to wrestle I thought she meant literally so I cut a quick promo while she looked at me and I put her in a headlock and said some shit about Wrestlemania.

Still fucked.
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Ahh the classic "Cream in her Crop" promo!
 
Even though it's been mentioned, for posterity

Shun said:
You win. We were curious if we could ferment daikon or cucumber by using our sexual fluids and our internal body pressure. Enjoyed oral intercourse while both were plugged in.

Cooked and ate the vegetable with rice the following morning.

Someone else go next.
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I have quite a few moments... But I feel like GAF doesn't want to hear any more about my sex life lol.

Some of these posts are great! XD
 
egruntz said:
I have quite a few moments... But I feel like GAF doesn't want to hear any more about my sex life lol.
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This is a judgement free zone, breh. Don't mind those guys who do drive by "y'all are too weird" posts. Bond with us.

I've had a girl queef on my face a ton while going down on her and it did nothing to deter me from continuing to eat dat pussy.
 
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