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What NOT to do at E3 FAQ

Milkman

Member
Feel free to add. I'm sure some of you have ideas, but I'm just going to kickstart this little thing.

1) Don't be European.

2) If you must be European, and you are European at an editor's day, like Capcom's, please don't:

a) Waste valuable open-forum Q&A time with the developers asking stuff that's found on the fact sheet resting 12" (you may need to convert inches to metrics) under your chin. Sample: "Ehhhhh.... 'ow many..... ehhhhh playeurs does eet support?"

3) Do not wear bandanas to any press conference, in particular, the Nintendo press conference.

4) Do not butcher the Japanese language by asking questions in what you assume to be the Japanese language. This wastes valuable time when there are translators in striking distance of the interviewee.

5) Since approximately 80% of the people hogging the closed doors to the Nintendo conference don't actually have any legitimate reason to be there, you should:

a) Bathe that morning.
b) Leave the Devil May Cry 2 t-shirts neatly folded in your bureau at home.
c) See FAQ bullet-point number 4.

6) Do not bring wire cutters to the Sony/Nintendo/Microsoft booths in the hopes of stealing a controller from as-yet unreleased systems.

7) Do not pay $12 for a slice of pizza or a hamburger at the Galaxy Cafe.

8) Don't wear your media badge in Kentia Hall. You will be forced to play Korean ass-punching games and Deer Hunter knock-offs.

9) Don't crowd the Sony press booth saying "I should be on the list." If you didn't get your wristband in the mail, you're not getting into the Sony Party.
 
Based on recent media behavior, I've been thinking that Europe doesn't deserve the next generation of gaming. :P

BigBoss said:
DO NOT bring your kids to E3!

This means you, Peter Molyneux! You goddamned European!
 
11) Do stop by the Nyko booth if you have a press badge. Very often, they'll be having a lame "party" at the end of the day where you can score a free beer (or six) and some food. Getting tipsy in the LACC, priceless.

12) Steal all of the free magazines from the Ziff-Davis booth. Especially the $10 specials. Why not?
 
Wellington said:
:0

10) DON'T hit on booth babes when you know you have no shot. You're wasting the time they can be talking to me.

morganwebb.gif
 
do not:

15. accumulate bags full of giveaway tchochke garbage. in the sober light of day, you'll find that you don't even want a frisbee embossed with the xenogears logo.

16. tell the angry young cretin behind you that "[he'll] live" when he wants you to get off a game demo you've just picked up. it's true: he will live. but neither this fact nor the sheer ridiculousness of arguing, about a demo kiosk, at e3, is an adequate deterrent for some people.
 
E3's going to feel like one big-ass arcade to me - except with games I'll actually want to play. (Bizzzzurn.) I so fucking hate demos, though. I'm far more amused and content just watching other people checking shit out. You fine folk can play the games. Just let me 'lax and chill and talk to my peeps.
 
Wellington said:
:0

10) DON'T hit on booth babes when you know you have no shot. You're wasting the time they can be talking to me.
"He looks hungover."

"Yeah."
 
drohne said:
do not:

15. accumulate bags full of giveaway tchochke garbage. in the sober light of day, you'll find that you don't even want a frisbee embossed with the xenogears logo.
.

but someone on ebay will want it. Hoard it boys. Sell it and buy a DS!
 
Milkman said:
8) Don't wear your media badge in Kentia Hall. You will be forced to play Korean ass-punching games and Deer Hunter knock-offs.


SOrry, but if you go down to kentia hall at all, you deserve what you get.
 
Regarding Kentia Hall Deer Hunter knockoffs, this is 100% true. I found one that required the player to kill a bald eagle. Yeah, our endangered NATIONAL BIRD. What were those crazy Koreans thinking?
 
17. Visit Gazunta and play the game he is showing off, convincing his bosses it was worth sending him to E3.

Edit: Mosaic, Ferricide, Fowler, Skip, Exxy, John_tv, Argyle, Marty, EVERYONE ELSE from #vidgames IM LOOKING AT YOU!!!!
 
Odnetnin said:
but someone on ebay will want it. Hoard it boys. Sell it and buy a DS!
Ugh. How about buying a box of flaming crap instead?

Also:

18. Start weird rumors about Nintendo in Folder's prescence. Check the internet later that night from your hotel room and laugh at what's on spong.
 
that booth with the classic coin-ops made kentia hall THE ROCKINEST HALL IN ALL OF E3 last year. i'd be happy to loiter there and play donkey kong through the whole damn show.

i'm realizing that i misspelled "tchotchke." oh the shame.
 
Raoul Duke said:
Ugh. How about buying a box of flaming crap instead?

Stop trying to be drinky. It's not working.
 
Milkman said:
3) Do not wear bandanas to any press conference, in particular, the Nintendo press conference.

4) Do not butcher the Japanese language by asking questions in what you assume to be the Japanese language. This wastes valuable time when there are translators in striking distance of the interviewee.

Are these rules due to the Nintendojo guy? The one that had the Karate Kid headband and asked Miyamoto how he liked working at Nintendo in mangled Japanese? Wish I could see a video of that again. :lol
 
pilonv1 said:
What's wrong with being European?
there's something genetic about europeans that causes them to ask the most retarded questions at press events. or maybe it's cultural. i do not know. i don't have anything against europeans in any other context, but ...

besides the "ask the obvious" stated above, there's also the "totally off the wall, long, and confusing question that once translated into japanese makes no sense, and once the response is translated back into english makes even less" that i am so not a fan of.
 
Kentia Hall is a hella fun place to hang out during the day if you're press. You're treated like a fucking king down there. Just don't get trapped by their booth girls :lol

I'll make sure to come by and visit Gazunta, just need to know what booth =P.
 
) If somehow you manage to finagle your way into a roundtable developer interview at Nintendo even though you are from some random fan site nobody has ever heard of, do not stand up and ask Miyamoto if your favorite Pokemon is in the new version.
 
20) If you see a guy in a tall green hat, say hi. I'll have gold chocolate coins for you.

21) Don't leave the hall for food. All that's around are very shady taco places that use a non-descript meat. Just buckle down and buy the expensive pizza and curly fries or bring a sack lunch. That said:

22) Eat at a FUCKING WEIRD time. Anything between 11AM-1PM will equal a crowded lunch hall with no seats.
 
Oh yeah.

23) Do not act like a doofus when you meet any celebrity especially if you're wearing a press badge, you make the rest of us look like asshats and we already have the Europeans for that.
 
Shouta said:
Kentia Hall is a hella fun place to hang out during the day if you're press. You're treated like a fucking king down there. Just don't get trapped by their booth girls :lol

I'll make sure to come by and visit Gazunta, just need to know what booth =P.

Yay!

I still don't know all the details, or even if I'm allowed to say yet anyway :)
 
Shouta said:
I'll make sure to come by and visit Gazunta, just need to know what booth =P.
gaz has a booth? OMG OMG OMG
i heard he was coming, but i didn't realize he'd be at a booth. in kentia no less!? stupendous!
 
ferricide said:
there's something genetic about europeans that causes them to ask the most retarded questions at press events. or maybe it's cultural. i do not know. i don't have anything against europeans in any other context, but ...

besides the "ask the obvious" stated above, there's also the "totally off the wall, long, and confusing question that once translated into japanese makes no sense, and once the response is translated back into english makes even less" that i am so not a fan of.

My favorite such questions that I can recall are (and I am paraphrasing of course)

Gran Turismo 3/4 (I forget) Press Conference:
"Why is the title of this game in italian [or some other romance language]" ?

Konami Press Conference (in reference to Boktai):
This one is actually a clever question imo.
"But, what if you live in Sweden and it is dark for several months of the year?"
 
ara said:
My favorite such questions that I can recall are (and I am paraphrasing of course)
the worst one was at squenix at TGS when some dude asked nomura what their office is like. this got a blank stare from the translator. so he went on to explain something about since KH is so lively and colorful and creative, their work process and office must be very interesting. in broken english. for like, 5 minutes. and then the translator was like "ummm" and started relaying it and had to stop and get clarification when nomura was like o_O. and eventually the result of this like, 10 minute escapade into retardation was "it's a normal office. we have desks and cubes."

...

DIE
 
Oh, how could I forget?

4) Do not butcher the Japanese language by asking questions in what you assume to be the Japanese language. This wastes valuable time when there are translators in striking distance of the interviewee.
a) If you do this, do not, the next day, approach a random moustachioed Japanese man, assume that he is Sakaguchi, and ask him for an autograph.
b) If you do THIS, do not do it in front of writers from a Japanese game magazine who will write up an amusing sidebar calling you an idiot.
 
Milkman said:
3) Do not wear bandanas to any press conference, in particular, the Nintendo press conference.

4) Do not butcher the Japanese language by asking questions in what you assume to be the Japanese language. This wastes valuable time when there are translators in striking distance of the interviewee.

Hah! I started writing for Nintendojo right in the middle of all that shit. The bandanas actually got the guys a lot of "positive" attention (EGM and the like). But yeah, poor Nathan and his day of infamy in blowing the first question in the press conference Q&A.

But I hope someday he can finally live it down. I'm surprised to see it come up again like 4 years later.
 
If you're press, you could probably get a blowjob from the Booth babes they have down there in Kentia Hall for press coverage =P.
 
Juice said:
But I hope someday he can finally live it down. I'm surprised to see it come up again like 4 years later.

And will still be remembered 40 from now. That was the most entertaining thing I've seen in nearly ten years of E3!
 
Juice said:
Hah! I started writing for Nintendojo right in the middle of all that shit. The bandanas actually got the guys a lot of positive attention (EGM and the like). But yeah, poor Nathan and his day of infamy in blowing the first question in the press conference Q&A.

But I hope someday he can finally live it down. I'm surprised to see it come up again like 4 years later.

It might have gone down smoother if he didn't take what might have been the 5 longest minutes in the universe to squeeze that shit out. Nevermind that Miyamoto didn't understand a fucking thing he said, but there was time for like....2 questions afterwards. Yeah.... no thanks.

As for Europeans, basically what Ferricide said. They seem to have this desire to act knowledgeable in a public forum, and yet end up doing exactly the opposite. They also have a tendency to offer opinions and statements ill-disguised as questions, usually taking significants amounts of time to do so. Usually every North American editor in the room is like "Oh shit no, not the German guy! Auuugh! He picked the German guy!"
 
JackFrost2012 said:
And will still be remembered 40 from now. That was the most entertaining thing I've seen in nearly ten years of E3! :)

Yeah, right after my post, I went-a-hunting through my old server and it appears I still have the video of it.

はらきり GET!
 
Shouta said:
If you're press, you could probably get a blowjob from the Booth babes they have down there in Kentia Hall for press coverage =P.
Tried it. Didn't work. Case pending.
 
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