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[BananaPancake]

How important is for a guy to be able to drive when trying to get in a relationship/maintaining a relationship?

I don't think it's important or relevant at all. I've never dated a guy that drove and it's never been a hindrance. We would always just walk places, take a bus or private taxi.

I don't drive either by the way.

Asked a girl out
Got turned down
We're both okay with it although we see each other quite often

I've had problems with each one of those steps before, so I kinda consider this a small win.

Congrats, glad things worked out better for you this time .

 

[Quick]

It's been a couple of days since I emailed this girl I met at speed dating. She left me her info, so I'd like to think there's at least some interest.

I forgot to mention on my initial email that I'm on Facebook as well. Not sure if I should send her another one just to tell her that.

 

[Coda]

It's been a couple of days since I emailed this girl I met at speed dating. She left me her info, so I'd like to think there's at least some interest.

I forgot to mention on my initial email that I'm on Facebook as well. Not sure if I should send her another one just to tell her that.

I wouldn't send her a second email, it will make you seem desperate. Just wait it out, too bad you didn't get her number. They're a lot more reliable in terms of people actually checking them than email these days.

 

[Quick]

I wouldn't send her a second email, it will make you seem desperate. Just wait it out, too bad you didn't get her number. They're a lot more reliable in terms of people actually checking them than email these days.

I figured as much. But, damn it. I'll give it a week before I move on.

 

[freshair]

It's been a week since my break-up.

I've got a date tomorrow and 2 more lined up.

Working on a 4th, but she wants to talk a bit more through Tinder first. I'm probably just filling a void, but it feels nice to have options and suitors.

 

[Royal_Phalanx]

Are you asking for advice on how to make close male friendships (which everyone needs, imo) or reinforcement that you won't be forever alone?

I intended to ask for advice on both, really (and I know this reply comes really late, I'm sorry).

Got some good advice so far, now I have another question. If I end up getting anywhere with a girl, should you tell her that you're a virgin (at the age of 23) before the possibility of sex? The standard advice given elsewhere is don't bring it up as it's a huge turnoff, or to tell her so the experience for both of you would be much better. Wonder what your take on this dilemma is.

 

[Etrian Oddity]

I intended to ask for advice on both, really (and I know this reply comes really late, I'm sorry).

Got some good advice so far, now I have another question. If I end up getting anywhere with a girl, should you tell her that you're a virgin (at the age of 23) before the possibility of sex? The standard advice given elsewhere is don't bring it up as it's a huge turnoff, or to tell her so the experience for both of you would be much better. Wonder what your take on this dilemma is.

Never.

Never.

Never.

Admit to a woman you are a male virgin. The risk outweighs the reward.

 

[Salamando]

I intended to ask for advice on both, really (and I know this reply comes really late, I'm sorry).

Got some good advice so far, now I have another question. If I end up getting anywhere with a girl, should you tell her that you're a virgin (at the age of 23) before the possibility of sex? The standard advice given elsewhere is don't bring it up as it's a huge turnoff, or to tell her so the experience for both of you would be much better. Wonder what your take on this dilemma is.

Don't advertise it beforehand. Learn female anatomy and how to use your fingers/tongue so that they don't care after.

 

[Astral]

So I think I might have a thing for a coworker, but of course she has a boyfriend. Now that I feel like I like her, I'm kind of afraid to get close to her because I may end up liking her even more, which would be hopeless since she's taken. I'm not sure what to do. It feels weird. Should I just let it be? Anyone ever been in a similar situation?

 

[ZackieChan]

So I think I might have a thing for a coworker, but of course she has a boyfriend. Now that I feel like I like her, I'm kind of afraid to get close to her because I may end up liking her even more, which would be hopeless since she's taken. I'm not sure what to do. It feels weird. Should I just let it be? Anyone ever been in a similar situation?

I've pined away for unavailable girls all my life. Find someone else and save yourself a ton of heartache. If you're involved with someone else, you'll be better-equipped to be closer to her as a friend.

 

[Max]

So I think I might have a thing for a coworker, but of course she has a boyfriend. Now that I feel like I like her, I'm kind of afraid to get close to her because I may end up liking her even more, which would be hopeless since she's taken. I'm not sure what to do. It feels weird. Should I just let it be? Anyone ever been in a similar situation?

Just be friends?

Don't, under any circumstance, date a coworker.

 

[Astral]

Just be friends?

Don't, under any circumstance, date a coworker.

That's the thing. I feel like if I become even just a friend, I'll catch more feelings, so I guess I have to be just a coworker. That also kinda sucks though because we have a lot in common. Damn I really need to meet new people.

 

[ZackieChan]

That's the thing. I feel like if I become even just a friend, I'll catch more feelings, so I guess I have to be just a coworker. That also kinda sucks though because we have a lot in common. Damn I really need to meet new people.

Then don't be friends if you can't handle it. This is the "fedora" or "friendzone" attitude and it is not good.

Yes, you need to meet new people.

 

[Nastrodamous]

Got stood up tonight, wasn't even that upset(I don't know why this doesn't upset me anymore). Just left got some food went home and worked on my Android app.
Approach more tomorrow.

 

[stn]

Sorry to hear that! I personally think you should contact the person and let them that what they did was rude and inconsiderate. You don't have to swear at them or anything, just calmly explain that what they did was wrong. At least make them feel like shit. Then, hang up after you've said your part.

 

[AnathemicOne]

So I got to talk with the same girl that I mentioned earlier in the thread.

Met a girl on Monday on my first day of classes due to one of my friends. Said friend brought up my story of getting drunk at Vegas and wanted to me to re-tell it to said girl. What an excellent icebreaker...

Had a nice/fun conversation regarding anime, Japanese culture, Korea, food, and both surprisingly aiming for the same career of being able to teach English in Japan. Managed to get her FB as well.

However, I did get a number off a friend of her's; we were making jokes on how we should text her for some silly shit. He assumed I already had it to which I told him I didn't, so he gave it to me regardless.

Not sure if I made the right move here but I joined in the silly texting and first introduced myself that I "stole her number" off said friend.

 

[Roberto Larcos]

Had a great first date with a girl, she says she likes me, talks to me a fair bit....

But she's said no to 3 second dates now. I asked her whether she wants to go out again, she said yes. I said after the second no that if she doesn't want to, it's fine, no hard feelings - but she insists she wants to.

What do?

 

[Shuggananas]

Ask her to pick a time and a place

edit : lol give her some time, chill out

 

[Roberto Larcos]

Ask her to pick a time and a place

Done.

Reason given was shitty anyway. Brad Pitt rule means this probably ain't going anywhere.

 

[n64coder]

Had a great first date with a girl, she says she likes me, talks to me a fair bit....

But she's said no to 3 second dates now. I asked her whether she wants to go out again, she said yes. I said after the second no that if she doesn't want to, it's fine, no hard feelings - but she insists she wants to.

What do?

Tell her to contact you with a date/time/place when she's ready for a second date. In the meantime, start looking for other girls.

 

[Roberto Larcos]

Tell her to contact you with a date/time/place when she's ready for a second date. In the meantime, start looking for other girls.

Already doing, which is why I don't care all that much to be honest. Have another date set up for Friday.

 

[Roberto Larcos]

Well that was bizarre.

She said she didn't want to call it a date. I asked why, since that's what I wanted (and what she agreed to in the past). Apparently she didn't know our meeting before was a date (had lunch, went to a park, ended up kissing), and doesn't want to date anyone right now (had suggested we go to a place because it's 'really romantic there'). Said she wasn't interested in that way (literally said she likes me 2 days ago).

I'm half scratching my head, half laughing. Can't be assed to even bring it up, won't change the decision, won't do any good.

Onwards and upwards.

 

[ZackieChan]

You've got the right attitude about this, at least. Other gaffers can learn from you, I hope.

 

[Astral]

Well that was bizarre.

She said she didn't want to call it a date. I asked why, since that's what I wanted (and what she agreed to in the past). Apparently she didn't know our meeting before was a date (had lunch, went to a park, ended up kissing), and doesn't want to date anyone right now (had suggested we go to a place because it's 'really romantic there'). Said she wasn't interested in that way (literally said she likes me 2 days ago).

I'm half scratching my head, half laughing. Can't be assed to even bring it up, won't change the decision, won't do any good.

Onwards and upwards.

Lol what? Time to dip.

 

[luckyboyceo]

Anyone here believe there's any truth to the idea that some women (and men) are just SO incredibly attractive that they're not approached nearly as much as people marginally less attractive than them? That they're too intimidating, maybe?

This has been a hot debate amongst me and my group of friends recently. I can see the reasoning but I'm not sure I buy it. Thoughts?

 

[AcridMeat]

You're part of the upper echelon of hotties though. I think it's more prevalent when we're younger and less confident. In terms of women not being approached? I don't think so. Maybe not enough by people they want to be approached by, but who's to say, that's unique to the individual.

 

[Shuggananas]

I don't think that's a thing.

4th date with the same girl yesterday, watched pulp fiction and slept together.. kinda I guess. Didn't go further than foreplay as she told me she'd never done that before, so I guess I gotta bring more stuff for next time

 

[Astral]

I was crushing on so many girls yesterday, including random ones. Maybe I'm finally getting over my ex. Finding out if a girl has a boyfriend feels so awkward.

 

[Kopite]

I was crushing on so many girls yesterday, including random ones. Maybe I'm finally getting over my ex. Finding out if a girl has a boyfriend feels so awkward.

Ask her about hobbies and then as a matter-of-factly ask her if she does this/goes there with her boyfriend.

 

[Pasta_Soup]

Ask her about hobbies and then as a matter-of-factly ask her if she does this/goes there with her boyfriend.

Or just ask her out and she'll tell you straight up if she's already in a relationship or if she's just not interested. Then all intentions are clear from the get go. Indirect stuff like this is never as effective.

 

[luckyboyceo]

Ask her about hobbies and then as a matter-of-factly ask her if she does this/goes there with her boyfriend.

Terrible advice. For the love of god, don't ever do this.

Just ask her out. If she has one, she'll tell you. It's really not that big of a deal, and it's certainly better than looking like a creep. Besides, technically she's not saying no because she doesn't want to go out with you, she's saying no because she can't. Should be a lesser blow to your ego than her just flat out saying no (or tell yourself this, anyway).

 

[Astral]

Terrible advice. For the love of god, don't ever do this.

Just ask her out. If she has one, she'll tell you. It's really not that big of a deal, and it's certainly better than looking like a creep. Besides, technically she's not saying no because she doesn't want to go out with you, she's saying no because she can't. Should be a lesser blow to your ego than her just flat out saying no (or tell yourself this, anyway).

Yeah this is how I usually do it anyway.

 

[freshair]

Going on a date tonight with a girl from Bumble. 🙌

 

[gaiages]

Going on a date tonight with a girl from Bumble. 🙌

Bumble? I feel like I'm missing a joke here, but what's that?

 

[Astral]

Bumble? I feel like I'm missing a joke here, but what's that?

A dating app for iPhones. I think it's the one where girls have to be the first to message.

 

[Salamando]

A dating app for iPhones. I think it's the one where girls have to be the first to message.

That's...far less interesting than what I came up with. I thought he got himself a yeti as a wingman. His tagline - "Let's bounce"

 

[gaiages]

That's...far less interesting than what I came up with. I thought he got himself a yeti as a wingman. His tagline - "Let's bounce"

And I was thinking it was some weird football dating app, since Bumble rhymes with fumble and he used a "goal" emote, lol

 

[Jokab]

Girl who is going away for half a year has been acting weird the last two weeks, seemingly not wanting to see me. Met her briefly today and she pretty much said she doesn't want to see me anymore because it will make leaving in a few weeks so much more difficult. She also encouraged me to see other people when she was away. When I said I had no plans to, she flat out told me we had no future together even after she got back. I was taken aback by this because she had hinted about some LDR thing many times. While the thing about our future might have been something she just told me to not make me wait for her, because she may feel weird about, it doesn't really matter. On to the next. Damn, really liked this one :/ (and for once, a girl genuinely liked me back, if only for a short while) If I'm not involved in anything when she gets back though, I'll definitely hit her and up and see how she feels. Not holding my breath though.

 

[Tcab96]

Know I don't post here at all, but I needed somewhere to vent. Don't have many (any) friends, so that wasn't an option. This seemed like as good a place as any.

There was this girl I was really interested in. We talked a ton and began to really like each other. I wanted to be in a relationship with her, but she said she wanted to work on being happy with herself. That she just wanted to be friends.

That's fine, but that wasn't what I wanted. I didn't want to keep hanging out with her under false pretenses. That didn't seem fair to her. So I called off our friendship.

Couple months later I text her, thinking I'm over her, and she tells me she has a boyfriend. Saying she felt that she could grow with him, and that they hung out a lot.

I'm pissed at the world right now. I'm pissed at her because I feel like she lied, but I trust she didn't and that she told the complete truth. I understand she doesn't deserve my anger, but I'm still pissed. Primarily at myself.

I'm pissed at myself because I feel like if I just hung out with her more instead of calling off our friendship, we might be together. Maybe not. She said she was happy. I told her I hoped she stayed happy with him. Don't plan on talking to her again.

I feel like I fucked up.

 

[vicissitudes]

Know I don't post here at all, but I needed somewhere to vent. Don't have many (any) friends, so that wasn't an option. This seemed like as good a place as any.

There was this girl I was really interested in. We talked a ton and began to really like each other. I wanted to be in a relationship with her, but she said she wanted to work on being happy with herself. That she just wanted to be friends.

Translation: I don't want to be in a relationship with you. I'll be friends with you though, if that placates you at all.

I'm pissed at the world right now. I'm pissed at her because I feel like she lied, but I trust she didn't and that she told the complete truth. I understand she doesn't deserve my anger, but I'm still pissed. Primarily at myself.

Not sure where she lied. Seemed pretty clear to me.

I'm pissed at myself because I feel like if I just hung out with her more instead of calling off our friendship, we might be together. Maybe not. She said she was happy. I told her I hoped she stayed happy with him. Don't plan on talking to her again.

I feel like I fucked up.

Nope, she already ruled you out as relationship material. More time wouldn't have changed that.

Here's a good dating rule to live by: it's much easier to get it right with a new girl than to fix what's broken with the current girl. Much easier to get a new girl attracted to you than trying to attract a girl who has already decided she's not into you. Much easier to get a new girlfriend instead of chasing after an ex. Etc.

 

[Tcab96]

Not sure where she lied. Seemed pretty clear to me.

She said she wasn't interested in a relationship. With anyone. Not two months later and she's in a relationship.

She can certainly change her mind, and I feel like she's always been honest with me, but I just feel like shit about the whole thing. I'm just pissed.

Here's a good dating rule to live by: it's much easier to get it right with a new girl than to fix what's broken with the current girl. Much easier to get a new girl attracted to you than trying to attract a girl who has already decided she's not into you. Much easier to get a new girlfriend instead of chasing after an ex. Etc.

Thanks for the advice.

 

[stn]

Everything vicissitudes said is correct. She wanted a relationship, just not with you. She just didn't want to tell you that.

 

[Ron Mexico]

Here's a good dating rule to live by: it's much easier to get it right with a new girl than to fix what's broken with the current girl.

Absolutely positively spot on. I'm another of those who doesn't post a lot (really if at all), but it took me a long long time to get this through my skull. Married and later divorced the broken one because I wouldn't admit it to myself but I was trying to be the "fixer". As you can see, it didn't work.

Dated my old manager from my first job at Blockbuster after I got divorced. I was 19 then and thought she walked on water. I was 33(?) when we got back in touch. Turns out what I wanted at 19 and what I wanted at 33 are two VERY different things. She too I thought I could "fix". Different issues, same intensity if that makes sense Didn't work that time either.

Took some time away from dating to work on myself (I sound like every advice thread now). Met that someone almost a year later. Totally outside my usual MO. Divorced with no kids, like myself. The biggest difference? She's not one that needs "fixing". She had her rough times, especially around her divorce, but she acknowledged she needed to help herself and went out and did it. Is she perfect? God no. Neither am I. What we do though is make a hell of a team. Feels more like a partnership than anything else I've ever had.

So I guess the moral of the story is this-- I've lurked for a long while on here, read all kinds of situations, read all kinds of advice. At 35, I'm not exactly the elder statesman, but someone who's been there. Every single time something doesn't go according to plan, it's a learning experience. Most of these failed relationships ended before ever getting married. Mine didn't. And you know what? It still could have been a lot worse. Could have had kids. Even if we did, THAT could have been worse. Just keep learning. Keep growing.

And when you see a nugget of advice like the quote above, take it to heart.

 

[Tcab96]

Everything vicissitudes said is correct. She wanted a relationship, just not with you. She just didn't want to tell you that.

That might be what hurts the most. What really grinds my gears. That I thought we had something, her confirming we had something, but then basically saying I wasn't good enough and going for the other guy.

Shit stings and I can't stop thinking about it.

 

[1871]

Girl who is going away for half a year has been acting weird the last two weeks, seemingly not wanting to see me. Met her briefly today and she pretty much said she doesn't want to see me anymore because it will make leaving in a few weeks so much more difficult. She also encouraged me to see other people when she was away. When I said I had no plans to, she flat out told me we had no future together even after she got back. I was taken aback by this because she had hinted about some LDR thing many times. While the thing about our future might have been something she just told me to not make me wait for her, because she may feel weird about, it doesn't really matter. On to the next. Damn, really liked this one :/ (and for once, a girl genuinely liked me back, if only for a short while) If I'm not involved in anything when she gets back though, I'll definitely hit her and up and see how she feels. Not holding my breath though.

She was trying to let you down easy. You have to accept her decision. She asked you not to pursue her.

 

[Quick]

It's been a couple of days since I emailed this girl I met at speed dating. She left me her info, so I'd like to think there's at least some interest.

I forgot to mention on my initial email that I'm on Facebook as well. Not sure if I should send her another one just to tell her that.

It's almost a week now since I sent her an email, and still no response. That's pretty much it for her, I guess.

 

[PflargBlarg]

That might be what hurts the most. What really grinds my gears. That I thought we had something, her confirming we had something, but then basically saying I wasn't good enough and going for the other guy.

Shit stings and I can't stop thinking about it.

I don't want to be overly dramatic, but you're on the cusp of being the worst kind of guy.

Get it through your head that she doesn't owe you anything. You thought it would maybe go somewhere and you were wrong. She let you down easy, which I suppose is vaguely annoying as opposed to straight saying no, but it happens.

Let it go and don't be a weirdo around her if you bump into her.

 

[Tcab96]

I don't want to be overly dramatic, but you're on the cusp of being the worst kind of guy.

Get it through your head that she doesn't owe you anything. You thought it would maybe go somewhere and you were wrong. She let you down easy, which I suppose is vaguely annoying as opposed to straight saying no, but it happens.

Let it go and don't be a weirdo around her if you bump into her.

Don't understand how I'm on the cusp of being the worst kind of guy.

I was merely expressing my frustration and annoyance of this whole situation. I already know she doesn't owe me anything. Am I not supposed to express the feelings of rejection I'm experiencing regarding this situation?

 

[luckyboyceo]

Here's a good dating rule to live by: it's much easier to get it right with a new girl than to fix what's broken with the current girl.

Yo real talk, this is the truest shit I've seen in this thread. Should be in the OP.

Don't understand how I'm on the cusp of being the worst kind of guy.

I was merely expressing my frustration and annoyance of this whole situation. I already know she doesn't owe me anything. Am I not supposed to express the feelings of rejection I'm experiencing regarding this situation?

It may have felt like an insult, but Worm was just trying to give you some advice so that you don't end up feeling the same frustration if/when this happens again in the future.

Sorry to hear things didn't work out like you had hoped, but worrying about her new relationship isn't going to do anything but keep you down.

 

[vicissitudes]

She said she wasn't interested in a relationship. With anyone. Not two months later and she's in a relationship.

She can certainly change her mind, and I feel like she's always been honest with me, but I just feel like shit about the whole thing. I'm just pissed.

Thanks for the advice.

Ah, okay. You can basically separate girls into two categories: those who are actively looking for a relationship, and those who aren't. I've had plenty of female friends who were in the second category. They just got out of a long relationship and "just want to be single for a while." So they're not looking. But, they won't say no to a relationship if the right guy came along. You weren't the right guy for this particular girl. Not a big deal. It happens.

Don't understand how I'm on the cusp of being the worst kind of guy.

I was merely expressing my frustration and annoyance of this whole situation. I already know she doesn't owe me anything. Am I not supposed to express the feelings of rejection I'm experiencing regarding this situation?

Nah, what you're feeling is totally normal. Happens to us all.

The most common advice you'll see is "work on yourself" which I elaborate to "improve certain aspects of yourself so you're more attractive to women". But even the most attractive guys face constant rejection. It's just part of dating.

.

Great story; thanks for sharing.