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[gaiages]

Welp, i'll try, guess it won't kill me.



Oh don't get me wrong, i agree with you and i actually wasn't speaking about sex, more about lack of "skills" due to only having flirts that led nowhere for a very, very long time.
Actually, compared to many friends who are in a similar situation, i got much more chances and many more stories, but again, got nothing from them.
Which as of now doesn't make me angry, or frustrated or sad, just tired i guess, but then i find someone interesting and find myself split in two...

Well, in order for things to go somewhere, you have to take the initiative! Make moves! Flirting is vague and flighty--it's way, way too easy to be read the wrong way, or not be picked up on at all. You need to be more confident, and more assertive with what you want!

Trying to ask out this girl (even as only a 1-on-1 friendly get together, which I don't usually recommend, I usually say go straight to the dates) is a good first step towards getting some dating experience.

 

[Sami+]

You'd be surprised at how little of a deal it is to ask someone out on a coffee date or whatever, honestly. You don't need to see if she's interested before you ask or wait til the "right moment", just do it. She'll probably say yes tbh.

 

[Daria]

Well i texted her when i was working yesterday at 12p, finally got a reply around 9p saying she has dance rehearsal all weekend and that her show opens Wednesday so she's crazy busy. I said ok and told her I'm sure she'll do good in her show next week to which she went ghost afterward. oh well, i tried.

my buddy and i ran into his cousin last night again in town so I'm sure we'll all get together again sometime in the winter months as a big group like Halloween. ill let her figure out how to deal with the awkwardness when i walk through the door

 

[TerminalDogma]

Hey guys, I came here for advice months back (and I've lurked for years, since Combine times). I hadn't been in a relationship (or really even on a date) since like 2007. Started up OKCupid/POF/Tinder back in February and I went on a decent amount of dates pretty steadily. I'd say about 10 total, until I met someone in June. It was pretty great, but didn't last. We broke up about a month ago now, and I think I'm ready to jump back into the dating scene (we weren't together very long, but it was my first relationship in years and I needed some time to get over it, I suppose.)

I first wanted to say that everyone who comes here for advice, listen to what these guys (and gals) are telling you. It works. Seriously. I'd also recommend people who are a little too nervous to ask anyone out in day to day life to try online dating. If anything just to get over that initial hump of talking to girls and asking them out. I've messaged and spoke with so many women at this point that I no longer have a fear of asking someone out. I haven't met anyone offline ye that I'd want to ask out, but that fear is gone. Just message some girls online, meet up for coffee/tea. That's it, don't do anything else. Go in with the attitude that you are just meeting up to MEET someone, just to see if you and their personality vibe well together. If they do, GREAT! Move onto a second date. Out of all the dates I've been on this year, only two I actually wanted a second date from. One of which I went on to have a relationship with. It's no big deal if nothing comes from the first date. At least you got out and met someone, and interacted with them. You'll learn from each date.

I also wanted to see if anyone was interested in critiquing my OKC profile. I used to have a longer one, but honestly I noticed I got far more dates from Tinder and POF where I barely had a profile. Both Tinder and POF I just have the opening two paragraphs from my OKC as my entire profile. I probably need work with my pictures, I understand they aren't the best, but let me know if any of them are outright horrible and what could be worked on. Hell, that goes for my whole profile in general. https://www.okcupid.com/profile/PatG_26?cf=profile That is the link, please let me know if I linked it wrong.

Thanks Dating-GAF! You helped a whole lot throughout the years, not just with dating, but with helping me crawl out of my mostly shy shell. There were other factors, as well, but these threads were always good to read and help with that.

 

[Psychoward]

So I've been seeing this girl for about a month and a half, she's incredibly attractive and nice to me, the sex is good as well and I enjoy hanging out with her but I don't really see much more of a connection than that. She also likes to go out and drink a lot more than I'd like and we haven't been on too many traditional dates. Sometimes when she's been drunk she's said she's loved me as well. I'm a freshman in college, should I break this off or give it more time?


Just some random details:

I've gotten annoyed because she doesn't want to go to a doctor about birth control until the winter break and refused to give me a reason why, I don't have too much of a solid friend group yet so I'd be worried about not really having anyone to hang out with if I did dump her. And then possibly the biggest thing and something I'm still kicking myself over, messed around with a guy over the weekend cause college yolo I was interested what it would be like. I ended up hating it and left after 5 minutes and told her about upfront the same day and said I'd understand if she wanted to dump me but she gave me a second chance but I just feel so bad about it and think maybe leaving her would be for the best. Last night she got the drunkest I've ever seen her and kept asking me why I did it and the only reason she stuck with me was because she liked me so much, that wrecked me.

 

[Sami+]

So I've been seeing this girl for about a month and a half, she's incredibly attractive and nice to me, the sex is good as well and I enjoy hanging out with her but I don't really see much more of a connection than that. She also likes to go out and drink a lot more than I'd like and we haven't been on too many traditional dates. Sometimes when she's been drunk she's said she's loved me as well. I'm a freshman in college, should I break this off or give it more time?


Just some random details:

I've gotten annoyed because she doesn't want to go to a doctor about birth control until the winter break and refused to give me a reason why, I don't have too much of a solid friend group yet so I'd be worried about not really having anyone to hang out with if I did dump her. And then possibly the biggest thing and something I'm still kicking myself over, messed around with a guy over the weekend cause college yolo I was interested what it would be like. I ended up hating it and left after 5 minutes and told her about upfront the same day and said I'd understand if she wanted to dump me but she gave me a second chance but I just feel so bad about it and think maybe leaving her would be for the best. Last night she got the drunkest I've ever seen her and kept asking me why I did it and the only reason she stuck with me was because she liked me so much, that wrecked me.

I mean if you're not feeling it you're not feeling it man. No point in delaying the inevitable. If I'm being honest it's a bit odd that you'd be upset with her for drinking more than you'd like but then turn around and cheat on her with a guy because "yolo" but whatever, it's your life lol.

Seems like she likes you a lot more than you like her so there's not much point in keeping it going.

 

[Dryk]

So I've been seeing this girl for about a month and a half, she's incredibly attractive and nice to me, the sex is good as well and I enjoy hanging out with her but I don't really see much more of a connection than that. She also likes to go out and drink a lot more than I'd like and we haven't been on too many traditional dates. Sometimes when she's been drunk she's said she's loved me as well. I'm a freshman in college, should I break this off or give it more time?

Just tell her the truth

 

[Philippo]

I remember your thread from a while back. Take that as a learning experience. If I remember correctly, there were a lot of things you could have done differently to affect the outcome in your favor. Making mistakes is human, but only a fool makes the same mistake twice.

Mistakes like? I honestly don't remember what exactly went wrong, i guess you could say things like trying to kiss her or what not, but i'm too shy to fix those kind of things.

Well, in order for things to go somewhere, you have to take the initiative! Make moves! Flirting is vague and flighty--it's way, way too easy to be read the wrong way, or not be picked up on at all. You need to be more confident, and more assertive with what you want!

Trying to ask out this girl (even as only a 1-on-1 friendly get together, which I don't usually recommend, I usually say go straight to the dates) is a good first step towards getting some dating experience.

Yeah i should become a bit more confident, but even after all these dates from the last year, i only get less and less instead...

 

[Etrian Oddity]

You'd be surprised at how little of a deal it is to ask someone out on a coffee date or whatever, honestly. You don't need to see if she's interested before you ask or wait til the "right moment", just do it. She'll probably say yes tbh.

Of course, a girl saying yes or giving you her number is meaningless. She could just as easily be doing it to let you down easy.

Spoiler

Sorry, gotta be the realistic cynical voice in here.

I've returned to a very fitness-oriented lifestyle. I give myself 2 cheat days a week, then the rest I eat super clean and go to the gym. Trying to feel better about myself and raise my confidence, and slim down. My body does not lose weight easily, and my face is not very handsome. I need to be as slim as I can to get a chance with girls. :\

 

[Sami+]

Of course, a girl saying yes or giving you her number is meaningless. She could just as easily be doing it to let you down easy.

Spoiler

Sorry, gotta be the realistic cynical voice in here.

I've returned to a very fitness-oriented lifestyle. I give myself 2 cheat days a week, then the rest I eat super clean and go to the gym. Trying to feel better about myself and raise my confidence, and slim down. My body does not lose weight easily, and my face is not very handsome. I need to be as slim as I can to get a chance with girls. :

Sure, but that's no reason not to try. I know for a fact nothing would have ever happened with the girl I'm seeing now if I hadn't made the first move.

 

[Pasta_Soup]

Of course, a girl saying yes or giving you her number is meaningless. She could just as easily be doing it to let you down easy.

Spoiler

Sorry, gotta be the realistic cynical voice in here.

What's realistic is that asking someone for their number or out for coffee is the go-to first step necessary to move forward in building a romantic relationship. If she let's you down... okay? Not a big deal. You made an attempt - and you can feel good about doing so, and learn something from it for the next time. Just move forward. Approaching the situation with this mind set will just make it even harder. Just take the chance - you only have something to gain.

Anyone anywhere can let you down. That shouldn't discourage you from seeking happiness. Can't really find it unless you look.

 

[Toothless]

Actually, looks like this won't work out. I don't know why people can't just tell me when I ask them out if they're already in a relationship but whatever. This was a good experience for me anyway, and she'll be a good friend anyway.

 

[bluethree]

EDIT sorry wrong thread

 

[ZackieChan]

EDIT sorry wrong thread

Did you just make out with a Japanese schoolgirl in a bar, or something?

 

[Sami+]

Did you just make out with a Japanese schoolgirl in a bar, or something?

Could YOU resist??????

 

[ZackieChan]

Could YOU resist??????

No comment.

In other news, I just arrived in China this morning. Maybe I can get some free drinks at the clubs this week

 

[bluethree]

Nah, I'm about to have a date with a hot mid-20s English speaker though

 

[Sami+]

No comment.

In other news, I just arrived in China this morning. Maybe I can get some free drinks at the clubs this week

LOL

and swag man, that sounds like a fun time. Rock on lol

 

[bluethree]

that girl I just had a date with was amazing, holy shit. beautiful, smart, very tall and pretty blunt for a Japanese girl. Trying not to get my hopes up but that'll be pretty hard.

Seems to be the sort of girl to want to take things slowly though (had some resistance when I put my arm around her, not like she freaked out but more like "not yet"). A few things that kinda rubbed me the wrong way (she's uncomfortable with even the slightest silence, and as a quiet person that kinda thing bugs the shit out of me) but I had a great time overall. She lives 2 hours away though.

Even if it doesnt work out I am very much looking forward to getting a job elsewhere in Japan. There are like no girls like this where I live :/

 

[Philippo]

that girl I just had a date with was amazing, holy shit. beautiful, smart, very tall and pretty blunt for a Japanese girl. Trying not to get my hopes up but that'll be pretty hard.

Seems to be the sort of girl to want to take things slowly though (had some resistance when I put my arm around her, not like she freaked out but more like "not yet"). A few things that kinda rubbed me the wrong way (she's uncomfortable with even the slightest silence, and as a quiet person that kinda thing bugs the shit out of me) but I had a great time overall. She lives 2 hours away though.

Even if it doesnt work out I am very much looking forward to getting a job elsewhere in Japan. There are like no girls like this where I live :/

Geographical details pls.

Just because i study japanese, n-not because i want girls or anything...

 

[ZackieChan]

You need to get into a city, brother! I had a blast living in Tokyo.

 

[hydrophilic attack]

Well I suck. Didn't have the balls to ask out the girl I've been singing with for a couple of months. We had the concert today and I probably won't see her again.

One reason I didn't ask her out is bad timing. In a couple of weeks I will go to the other side of the World to work for a month. Bad time to start dating someone.

 

[bluethree]

Well I suck. Didn't have the balls to ask out the girl I've been singing with for a couple of months. We had the concert today and I probably won't see her again.

One reason I didn't ask her out is bad timing. In a couple of weeks I will go to the other side of the World to work for a month. Bad time to start dating someone.

if you were going away for longer I'd understand, but a month, bleh who cares. Whenever I postpone asking someone out, I just end up finding a new excuse later. Sometimes we just have to deal with imperfect situations and timing.

 

[MattyG]

just wanted to hop in here and recommend "Modern Romance" by Aziz Ansari. I've been listening to the audio book on my work commute, and it does a fantastic job talking about the the dating scene of today, comparing it to the dating scenes of years past and discussing the impact of smart phones and online dating.

After binge watching Master of None, I really want to read this or listen to it.

 

[Dryk]

I told the girl I met last week that I had a thing for her. She said that she honestly has no idea what she wants right now but that she definitely doesn't want to lead me on and she doesn't want to stop chatting if we can help it. Considering that I have no fucking idea what I'd even want to do with reciprocation right now I think that's a pretty good result.

One reason I didn't ask her out is bad timing. In a couple of weeks I will go to the other side of the World to work for a month. Bad time to start dating someone.

You might as well have told her anyway, it feels so much better to just get that shit out in the open where it's easier to deal with one way or the other.

 

[GK86]

After binge watching Master of None, I really want to read this or listen to it.

I haven't finished the show, but there are some similarities between the show and the book. The book goes a bit more in depth with some of the talking points (like the episode where Dev says it is ok to treat others like shit now).

 

[MattyG]

It's been a while since I've checked back in here. I kind of missed talking to you guys, but there was really no reason for me to keep bugging you all since nothing was happening. I tried the whole "keep multiple balls in the air" thing some of you told me to do, but that shit's hard. I just haven't really found anyone else at school I'm interested in (outside of this one girl, but that's a whole other complicated situation that I don't really think would work). I had a quick question about my other situation though;

I haven't really had much contact with that girl in the last couple weeks outside of seeing her in class, mostly because of weird class situations that prevent me from getting a chance to talk to her. After that whole thing with the Halloween party, I didn't talk to her for a while and she seemed standoffish. I took it personally, and it turned out it wasn't personal at all. She was just very busy and stressed, and wasn't really talking to anyone. Then, I talked to her the other day and she was very friendly, introduced me to her roommate and stuff.

Now, before the Halloween thing, we had talked about if she was going and she said "I might go to the dance, but if not we should do something next week." That was just before Halloween. She hasn't really mentioned anything since then (because, again, we haven't talked much), but do you guys think it'd be safe to bring up lunch or something and see what she says? On one hand, she cancelled our plans because of how busy she was 3-4 times. BUT a couple weeks has passed, and when I asked her out she did say "we'll have to do something sometime" and had genuinely seemed like she wouldn't mind, on top of her saying the same thing when talking about the Halloween thing.

I feel like she isn't the type of person to set up a hangout, even if she did want to do it, so should I say something? Or should I just leave well enough alone? I feel like if we hung out, even if it wasn't a date, that the topic of me asking her out would come up and I'd at least be able to figure out what the deal is once and for all, because as it is I feel like the signals are really mixed.

I haven't finished the show, but there are some similarities between the show and the book. The book goes a bit more in depth with some of the talking points (like the episode where Dev says it is ok to treat others like shit now).

Yeah, I watched Buried Alive on Netflix after finishing MoN and I can see how a lot of his material stems from the same talking points. MoN was actually super insightful, so I'd imagine the book is even more so.

 

[Unai]

It's been a while since I've checked back in here. I kind of missed talking to you guys, but there was really no reason for me to keep bugging you all since nothing was happening. I tried the whole "keep multiple balls in the air" thing some of you told me to do, but that shit's hard. I just haven't really found anyone else at school I'm interested in (outside of this one girl, but that's a whole other complicated situation that I don't really think would work). I had a quick question about my other situation though;

I haven't really had much contact with that girl in the last couple weeks outside of seeing her in class, mostly because of weird class situations that prevent me from getting a chance to talk to her. After that whole thing with the Halloween party, I didn't talk to her for a while and she seemed standoffish. I took it personally, and it turned out it wasn't personal at all. She was just very busy and stressed, and wasn't really talking to anyone. Then, I talked to her the other day and she was very friendly, introduced me to her roommate and stuff.

Now, before the Halloween thing, we had talked about if she was going and she said "I might go to the dance, but if not we should do something next week." That was just before Halloween. She hasn't really mentioned anything since then (because, again, we haven't talked much), but do you guys think it'd be safe to bring up lunch or something and see what she says? On one hand, she cancelled our plans because of how busy she was 3-4 times. BUT a couple weeks has passed, and when I asked her out she did say "we'll have to do something sometime", on top of her saying it when talking about the Halloween thing.

I feel like she isn't the type of person to set up a hangout, even if she did want to do it, so should I say something? Or should I just leave well enough alone? I feel like if we hung out, even if it wasn't a date, that me asking her out would come up and I'd at least be able to figure out what the deal is, because as it is I feel like the signals are really mixed.

Well, she did said more than once that you two should do something. Might as well ask her again.

 

[Sami+]

Just finished watching Master of None, y'all definitely need to see it.

High recommendation from me, I think it's pretty insightful.

 

[ZackieChan]

Why do you guys overcomplicate this stuff so much?

Edit: actually, I know why. It is a perceived lack of power. You question every move you should or should not make with a girl because she has all the power to you. You need to flip that.

Want to go out with her? Ask her to go out with you. Assume that YOU are the one with power and she is the one who would be lucky to date you. Even if it isn't true. Who cares? You need to shift your mindsets to one of self worth.

It is why I champion talking to multiple potential partners, partly. It is empowering to have multiple people interested in you. And it is empowering to drop someone who isn't interested in you or is stringing you along.

 

[Sami+]

It's been a while since I've checked back in here. I kind of missed talking to you guys, but there was really no reason for me to keep bugging you all since nothing was happening. I tried the whole "keep multiple balls in the air" thing some of you told me to do, but that shit's hard. I just haven't really found anyone else at school I'm interested in (outside of this one girl, but that's a whole other complicated situation that I don't really think would work). I had a quick question about my other situation though;

I haven't really had much contact with that girl in the last couple weeks outside of seeing her in class, mostly because of weird class situations that prevent me from getting a chance to talk to her. After that whole thing with the Halloween party, I didn't talk to her for a while and she seemed standoffish. I took it personally, and it turned out it wasn't personal at all. She was just very busy and stressed, and wasn't really talking to anyone. Then, I talked to her the other day and she was very friendly, introduced me to her roommate and stuff.

Now, before the Halloween thing, we had talked about if she was going and she said "I might go to the dance, but if not we should do something next week." That was just before Halloween. She hasn't really mentioned anything since then (because, again, we haven't talked much), but do you guys think it'd be safe to bring up lunch or something and see what she says? On one hand, she cancelled our plans because of how busy she was 3-4 times. BUT a couple weeks has passed, and when I asked her out she did say "we'll have to do something sometime" and had genuinely seemed like she wouldn't mind, on top of her saying the same thing when talking about the Halloween thing.

I feel like she isn't the type of person to set up a hangout, even if she did want to do it, so should I say something? Or should I just leave well enough alone? I feel like if we hung out, even if it wasn't a date, that the topic of me asking her out would come up and I'd at least be able to figure out what the deal is once and for all, because as it is I feel like the signals are really mixed.


Yeah, I watched Buried Alive on Netflix after finishing MoN and I can see how a lot of his material stems from the same talking points. MoN was actually super insightful, so I'd imagine the book is even more so.

"Something sometime" coupled with cancelling on you 3-4 time reeks of letting you down easy. If you really truly believe that she's busy, being genuine, and likes you back, then yeah ask one more time. Tomorrow would be good most likely, it's the start of homecoming week (or is that just my school?) and you have Veteran's Day off. Lots of free time. Ask to go bowling or some shit, idk.

If she cancels then fuck it man, you gotta drop it. Stop clinging to hope and getting nothing in return. Make a move and succeed or fail. Move on, with her or not.

 

[Laekon]

So I'm going on what I think is a date tomorrow with a girl I meet in class. We've only hung out once before but I think she has great relationship potential. I'm a really slow mover though and don't want lose my chance this time. Not sure if I should just say straight out I'd like to date her or just try to be more physical (hug as soon as I meet her and hand on her back as we walk). Texting has been a little flat but it's really cause I don't know her comfort level with jokes.

 

[waveuponwave]

Hey guys, my account was just activated, but I’ve been reading this thread on and off for a while. Dating advice on the net is a tricky thing, seems sometimes that there’s only pickup artists with disgusting views on women and 13y olds posting their wish fulfillment stories… but you are awesome! As someone who’s never really dated, I think reading your advice for others has already helped me get a better perspective

Other than that, not much to report right now. I'm on exchange this semester and as I've been quite the loner for the last years, I just want to enjoy hanging around with the other exchange students. the group spirit is awesome. There's a girl who’s flirting with about everyone in the group (just jokingly) and it’s fun to try and go along, I would’ve been way too shy for that not so long ago…

Was meeting a girl at my home university in summer, but it was always in that weird zone between hanging out and dating… and I have only myself to blame for that, I almost purposefully friendzoned myself… self–confidence issues and such. But in the end it’s all good, it’s all a learning process for me right now and I guess this was a necessary step. I don’t even want to talk about the girl before that, was obsessed with her for a year although it was damn obvious I was always just the third wheel next to her best friend/now boyfriend… I must have looked a creep
Anyway, I kind of still have hopes with the girl I was seeing in summer, we’ve been messaging on and off, and if I don’t write her for a while (because I don’t want to spend my exchange obsessing over a girl back home) it’s always her that starts our chat again. Well, gotta forget about her for now and sort this out when I’m back in a few months

 

[ZackieChan]

Welcome!

 

[Jokab]

waveuponwave, I can tell you have a good mindset already. I think you'll do fine!

 

[gaiages]

So I'm going on what I think is a date tomorrow with a girl I meet in class. We've only hung out once before but I think she has great relationship potential. I'm a really slow mover though and don't want lose my chance this time. Not sure if I should just say straight out I'd like to date her or just try to be more physical (hug as soon as I meet her and hand on her back as we walk). Texting has been a little flat but it's really cause I don't know her comfort level with jokes.

Just tell her you wanna date her. Physical stuff can be interpreted a billion different ways without context.

.

<3 Hey there, welcome to both GAF and the thread!

 

[Gotdatmoney]

It's been a while since I've checked back in here. I kind of missed talking to you guys, but there was ly no reason for me to keep bugging you all since nothing was happening. I tried the whole "keep multiple balls in the air" thing some of you told me to do, but that shit's hard. I just haven't really found anyone else at school I'm interested in (outside of this one girl, but that's a whole other complicated situation that I don't really think would work). I had a quick question about my other situation though;

I haven't really had much contact with that girl in the last couple weeks outside of seeing her in class, mostly because of weird class situations that prevent me from getting a chance to talk to her. After that whole thing with the Halloween party, I didn't talk to her for a while and she seemed standoffish. I took it personally, and it turned out it wasn't personal at all. She was just very busy and stressed, and wasn't really talking to anyone. Then, I talked to her the other day and she was very friendly, introduced me to her roommate and stuff.

Now, before the Halloween thing, we had talked about if she was going and she said "I might go to the dance, but if not we should do something next week." That was just before Halloween. She hasn't really mentioned anything since then (because, again, we haven't talked much), but do you guys think it'd be safe to bring up lunch or something and see what she says? On one hand, she cancelled our plans because of how busy she was 3-4 times. BUT a couple weeks has passed, and when I asked her out she did say "we'll have to do something sometime" and had genuinely seemed like she wouldn't mind, on top of her saying the same thing when talking about the Halloween thing.

I feel like she isn't the type of person to set up a hangout, even if she did want to do it, so should I say something? Or should I just leave well enough alone? I feel like if we hung out, even if it wasn't a date, that the topic of me asking her out would come up and I'd at least be able to figure out what the deal is once and for all, because as it is I feel like the signals are really mixed.

She pretty much said she only wanted to be friends. When a.friend is being flaky, non responsive or non committing do you waffle around and wait for them to engage? I pretty much think you are still hoping there is a possibility with this girl. There isn't.

When my friends are flaky I do not engage. If they wanna hang they will inform me. I otherwise do not get into constant messaging.

Also, there is absolutely no such thing as "I'm so busy I cant message you". People play this up but its actual none sense. No one is so busy they cant take 20sec out of there day to shoot off a "hey how are you doing" text. Its garbage. Dont accept that excuse from people as valid.

 

[Philippo]

So, this girl i want to try and go out with, really can't meet her during the whole week, and when we see each other in class, we're never alone.

Should i write her? (i think its a bad idea imho since almost all our conversations starts from me and i kinda stopped because i think it looks like i'm forcing onto her)

 

[brickwalker0]

Why do you guys overcomplicate this stuff so much?

Edit: actually, I know why. It is a perceived lack of power. You question every move you should or should not make with a girl because she has all the power to you. You need to flip that.

Want to go out with her? Ask her to go out with you. Assume that YOU are the one with power and she is the one who would be lucky to date you. Even if it isn't true. Who cares? You need to shift your mindsets to one of self worth.

It is why I champion talking to multiple potential partners, partly. It is empowering to have multiple people interested in you. And it is empowering to drop someone who isn't interested in you or is stringing you along.

this is very good advice (underlined part is the most important part). i just came to this realization in the past few weeks and has changed my perception of myself and what makes me happy.

 

[Max]

So, this girl i want to try and go out with, really can't meet her during the whole week, and when we see each other in class, we're never alone.

Should i write her? (i think its a bad idea imho since almost all our conversations starts from me and i kinda stopped because i think it looks like i'm forcing onto her)

Why do you have to be alone to ask her out? Are people constantly over your shoulder when talking with her

 

[Woody Invincible]

I've got a date with a college prof. Friday, and pretty nervous about it. I bought the audiobook of Modern Romance this morning, and it really is helping ease my nerves about the date. So, thanks for that recommendation, guys.

 

[True Savior]

MattyG , the probabilities are low , but you can talk with her again and go from there. I've went out on dates with a couple of very introverted girls and they just went out with me because i insisted quite a bit.

I've got a date with a college prof. Friday, and pretty nervous about it. I bought the audiobook of Modern Romance this morning, and it really is helping ease my nerves about the date. So, thanks for that recommendation, guys.

Ask her how good is her impact factor.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

Why do you have to be alone to ask her out? Are people constantly over your shoulder when talking with her

Some people feel more comfortable doing it alone. Not a huge deal. I think its more a fear of rejection. But like imo the reality is that however you are going to ask out will tell the majority of those people anyway so if you dont want others to know you probably should forget about that.

 

[Philippo]

Why do you guys overcomplicate this stuff so much?

Edit: actually, I know why. It is a perceived lack of power. You question every move you should or should not make with a girl because she has all the power to you. You need to flip that.

Want to go out with her? Ask her to go out with you. Assume that YOU are the one with power and she is the one who would be lucky to date you. Even if it isn't true. Who cares? You need to shift your mindsets to one of self worth.

It is why I champion talking to multiple potential partners, partly. It is empowering to have multiple people interested in you. And it is empowering to drop someone who isn't interested in you or is stringing you along.

Yup, that's so true.
Sadly most of us lack even the courage to try and change this.

In my case, i do exactly what you advice, talking to multiple girls, and i'm actually very "good" at the beginning, but it always either die here or i can't go any further.

Why do you have to be alone to ask her out? Are people constantly over your shoulder when talking with her

Uuh i don't know, since it would be something between just the two of us it'd be to ask while we're not alone.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

Sigh, why are some people so completely beyond help.

This guy I talked about some time ago in here told me today that the girl he's been messaging (still the same one) recently told him she feels nothing for him and he's still fucking messaging her and hoping to arrange a meeting.

I'm just sat there thinking what the fuck is wrong with you.Where's your goddamn self respect, she's told you she's not interested and doesn't feel anything and yet here you are talking about trying to arrange a meeting and still messaging her.

Sigh. It's aggravating to see this happening. I feel like just slapping him and hoping he comes round...

 

[gaiages]

Uuh i don't know, since it would be something between just the two of us it'd be to ask while we're not alone.

Are people listening to your conversation 24/7? I doubt it, and saying something like "I'll wait until we're completely and utterly alone" sounds a bit like an excuse. Now I'm not saying ask her out in front of everyone while they're paying attention, but it's not hard to ask her for a minute away from work/friends/whatever situation you two are together in to ask her.

 

[Dryk]

So, this girl i want to try and go out with, really can't meet her during the whole week, and when we see each other in class, we're never alone.

Should i write her? (i think its a bad idea imho since almost all our conversations starts from me and i kinda stopped because i think it looks like i'm forcing onto her)

It's probably better to do it in person, but it's even better to do it now rather than later.

 

[bluethree]

Also, there is absolutely no such thing as "I'm so busy I cant message you". People play this up but its actual none sense. No one is so busy they cant take 20sec out of there day to shoot off a "hey how are you doing" text. Its garbage. Dont accept that excuse from people as valid.

That said, some people genuinely do suck at getting back to others or have certain circumstances preventing them from getting back to you right away. For example - I asked a girl out to get a drink with me a few days ago, and I didn't get back to her last text because I was on a trip recently (and she knows this). So I'll be sending her another text about that today. Everyone's response rate is different...but in this case it does sound like an excuse.

Not getting a response does suck, I sent off a text to the girl I mentioned before and somehow I don't think she's gonna get back to me -_-. If that happens I will feel kinda down about it, but rather than mope I'd rather just pursue other leads (and find a job in an area with a better dating scene )

Why do you guys overcomplicate this stuff so much?

Edit: actually, I know why. It is a perceived lack of power. You question every move you should or should not make with a girl because she has all the power to you. You need to flip that.

Want to go out with her? Ask her to go out with you. Assume that YOU are the one with power and she is the one who would be lucky to date you. Even if it isn't true. Who cares? You need to shift your mindsets to one of self worth.

It is why I champion talking to multiple potential partners, partly. It is empowering to have multiple people interested in you. And it is empowering to drop someone who isn't interested in you or is stringing you along.

just change your attitude from "I really hope I can get her to like me" to "Is she right for me?" It doesn't make the sting of rejection go away, but it does help your mindset a lot.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

That said, some people genuinely do suck at getting back to others or have certain circumstances preventing them from getting back to you right away. For example - I asked a girl out to get a drink with me a few days ago, and I didn't get back to her last text because I was on a trip recently (and she knows this). So I'll be sending her another text about that today. Everyone's response rate is different...but in this case it does sound like an excuse.

Not getting a response does suck, I sent off a text to the girl I mentioned before and somehow I don't think she's gonna get back to me -_-. If that happens I will feel kinda down about it, but rather than mope I'd rather just pursue other leads (and find a job in an area with a better dating scene )

I mean within reason but the person has to exhibit some sort of consistency here. I know some people suck with messaging but this is the era we live in and they pretty much have to adapt. I just find there are people who are legit and will get back to you on a reasonable period and there are people who arent.

I just mostly do not buy a friend who never ever initiates communication. Is that even a friendship?

 

[Amory]

So I think from both my perspective and the girls', this is going great so far. We spent basically the whole weekend together and I already miss her 24 hours later. We've only been dating for 2 weeks. It's been a long time since I was excited about seeing a girl

How do I walk the line between getting to see her and being clingy?