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[MonorailCat]

Why do you guys overcomplicate this stuff so much?

Edit: actually, I know why. It is a perceived lack of power. You question every move you should or should not make with a girl because she has all the power to you. You need to flip that.

Want to go out with her? Ask her to go out with you. Assume that YOU are the one with power and she is the one who would be lucky to date you. Even if it isn't true. Who cares? You need to shift your mindsets to one of self worth.

It is why I champion talking to multiple potential partners, partly. It is empowering to have multiple people interested in you. And it is empowering to drop someone who isn't interested in you or is stringing you along.

It's legitimate advice, IF you have any options at all. I had one date in the last six months. And I wrote a LOT of messages online. So I can't even question my actions, because I didn't even get to act in any way. I can't drop anyone, because there isn't anyone to drop.

It's just a dead end for me. The only way for me to meet women is online - but I am not attractive enough to catch their attention with my pictures. And I belive I am not the only one stuck in that way.

 

[Fuchs]

This is my follow-up post from about one month ago.

So, it's been about 4 weeks since we set a date for the 14th of november and as some of you suggested I kept myself busy with other girls, while I occasionally kept in touch with her. It did work so far, but I'm still a bit anxious though.

The date is in about 4 days, but we haven't had a word about it since, well, we set the day for it. Now I'm not quite sure if she's still up to it or even remembers that we wanted to meet up...
I should probably just ask/remind her, but I don't want to come off as too pushy or needy. Is "Hey! Still up for coming saturday?" alright for asking for confirmation?

 

[bluethree]

This is my follow-up post from about one month ago.

So, it's been about 4 weeks since we set a date for the 14th of november and as some of you suggested I kept myself busy with other girls, while I occasionally kept in touch with her. It did work so far, but I'm still a bit anxious though.

The date is in about 4 days, but we haven't had a word about it since, well, we set the day for it. Now I'm not quite sure if she's still up to it or even remembers that we wanted to meet up...
I should probably just ask/remind her, but I don't want to come off as too pushy or needy. Is "Hey! Still up for coming saturday?" alright for asking for confirmation?

Make a slight change to the plans (i.e. can we meet at 6 instead of 5? or changing the venue) and see if she responds. I usually don't like doing indirect/sneaky things like that, but in this case directly asking comes across as kind of needy IMO

 

[Salamando]

It's legitimate advice, IF you have any options at all. I had one date in the last six months. And I wrote a LOT of messages online. So I can't even question my actions, because I didn't even get to act in any way. I can't drop anyone, because there isn't anyone to drop.

It's just a dead end for me. The only way for me to meet women is online - but I am not attractive enough to catch their attention with my pictures. And I belive I am not the only one stuck in that way.

First thing you need is an attitude adjustment. Self-pity isn't a color that looks good on anyone.

You say you're not attractive. That alone infers a lack of confidence, and confidence is key in dating. It can get you further than just about any other attribute. And lucky for all involved, it can be faked easily. Surely you've some strengths you can play off of? And if you can't, develop some.

If all else fails, read more books, go to the gym more, develop a healthy meal plan, get a new haircut, and learn how clothes are supposed to fit.

 

[Fuchs]

Make a slight change to the plans (i.e. can we meet at 6 instead of 5? or changing the venue) and see if she responds. I usually don't like doing indirect/sneaky things like that, but in this case directly asking comes across as kind of needy IMO

Definitely a good idea, but it won't work in my case.
We haven't set a date yet or decided on a location...

 

[Gotdatmoney]

This is my follow-up post from about one month ago.

So, it's been about 4 weeks since we set a date for the 14th of november and as some of you suggested I kept myself busy with other girls, while I occasionally kept in touch with her. It did work so far, but I'm still a bit anxious though.

The date is in about 4 days, but we haven't had a word about it since, well, we set the day for it. Now I'm not quite sure if she's still up to it or even remembers that we wanted to meet up...
I should probably just ask/remind her, but I don't want to come off as too pushy or needy. Is "Hey! Still up for coming saturday?" alright for asking for confirmation?

Just message her asking whats up. Lead to your date within the first few texts. Honestly needy sounding or not novembed 14th is a saturday and there are a million things you can do for fun on a saturday if you dont have a date. You should ask straight up now so you can go live your life if she aint serious. Dont wait and then end up not being social cause you didnt straight up say what you wanted.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

Definitely a good idea, but it won't work in my case.
We haven't set a date yet or decided on a location...

"So, I was thinking about Saturday. How about..."

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

This is my follow-up post from about one month ago.

So, it's been about 4 weeks since we set a date for the 14th of november and as some of you suggested I kept myself busy with other girls, while I occasionally kept in touch with her. It did work so far, but I'm still a bit anxious though.

The date is in about 4 days, but we haven't had a word about it since, well, we set the day for it. Now I'm not quite sure if she's still up to it or even remembers that we wanted to meet up...
I should probably just ask/remind her, but I don't want to come off as too pushy or needy. Is "Hey! Still up for coming saturday?" alright for asking for confirmation?

I'll say this, you're not needy by confirming plans you set at least a month in advance... Like it's literally impossible.

 

[gaiages]

So I think from both my perspective and the girls', this is going great so far. We spent basically the whole weekend together and I already miss her 24 hours later. We've only been dating for 2 weeks. It's been a long time since I was excited about seeing a girl

How do I walk the line between getting to see her and being clingy?

Congrats

And that line changes from person to person. Just feel it out.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

I'm going to set the stage for what's clearly a Spanish telenovela concerning the girl I'm currently dating:

I first messaged her on OKCupid on Friday, October 23rd. We exchanged some light texting throughout the weekend, then met on Sunday, October 25th: we went to a winery, then dinner, then her friend's house (she had to pee), and finally finished up at a bar for a nightcap. We met the following day, on Monday, for drinks. She spent the night that Wednesday. We both called in sick the following Thursday. And then, that Friday evening, we both drove to Busch Gardens for our first weekend trip. We returned home on Sunday -- and she spent Sunday night at my place; we worked out Monday morning, had lunch, and she went home. Super quick stuff, am I right?

Additional nuggets: that Sunday, we also met the guy she's fucking for drinks. Before you recoil in shock, I was completely okay with this: we're angling towards an open relationship and value communication! Now, last week, I went home to see my parents from Wednesday to Friday, so we got our mileage out of texting, calling, and GChat; we also hung out with my best friends Friday night (drinking! rooftop!) and her Ph.D. cohort on Saturday night (drinking! puppies! we baked cookies! we played Cards Against Humanity!).

Now, her period's a couple days late, and if it's anyone's, it's the other dude's! We're trying to figure out if we're "together" or not. We're going on a "normal" date this Friday, I think -- just dinner and a comedy show, instead of another weekend getaway.

To put it bluntly, we're managing because we're completely open with one another. Don't be scared to intelligently communicate your feelings. Establish your expectations. If this is salvageable (and I think it is), then so's your situation.

 

[Kevtones]

So…


Woman A) we met online and I NEVER do distance but she's a Vegas Showgirl (in a show, non-stripper) and really genuine (and a 10). We talk for a couple months here and there and it never gets too crazy but we create a bond. We decide to meet and have an AMAZING time/spend the night/make love and basically a Before Sunrise on our first date. It was surreal.

Woman B) is close by. She's cool, attractive (and absolutely sexy), has a career and she gets me - I think. We're having a 6th date this week and I just fucking like what she's about. Everything is so natural and simple and she likes me like I like her. Already. We're both dorks and like the same pace and literally everything we don't sync on is kind of a win. It's the type of thing that'll help us keep ourselves. She's fucking cool.


Basically, I'm dating two very attractive women in Los Angeles and Las Vegas and I don't know how to say no. I know I need to out of respect. I've slept with both of them.

B is the obvious decision but I'm having a second weekend with A soon. Yeah, I'm a douche but I'd like be less of one...

 

[Interface23]

Girlfriend dumped me after years together for what I assume is a guy she had a crush on in high school that added her on Facebook a few months back. Says it's because we work better as friends so pretty much what I'm thinking. All of my adult life so far is now wasted on her because I've loved her since I was 20. 29 now.

I have no how to deal with this, it hurts super bad and for some reason part of me still loves and wants her back...

 

[Philippo]

So…


Woman A) we met online and I NEVER do distance but she's a Vegas Showgirl (in a show, non-stripper) and really genuine (and a 10). We talk for a couple months here and there and it never gets too crazy but we create a bond. We decide to meet and have an AMAZING time/spend the night/make love and basically a Before Sunrise on our first date. It was surreal.

Woman B) is close by. She's cool, attractive (and absolutely sexy), has a career and she gets me - I think. We're having a 6th date this week and I just fucking like what she's about. Everything is so natural and simple and she likes me like I like her. Already. We're both dorks and like the same pace and literally everything we don't sync on is kind of a win. It's the type of thing that'll help us keep ourselves. She's fucking cool.


Basically, I'm dating two very attractive women in Los Angeles and Las Vegas and I don't know how to say no. I know I need to out of respect. I've slept with both of them.

B is the obvious decision but I'm having a second weekend with A soon. Yeah, I'm a douche but I'd like be less of one...

Dude, you're crazy lucky, but as you said it's time to choose.
Go with B, be honest when you close with A and after remember her like a good adventure.

 

[bluethree]

that moment when you send a joking text to someone that you end up regretting because it could be taken the wrong way >_< remind me just to stick to light convo and setting up dates from now on.

oh well if she doesnt, great. if not, oh well.

 

[ZackieChan]

Dude, you're crazy lucky, but as you said it's time to choose.
Go with B, be honest when you close with A and after remember her like a good adventure.

Nothing to do with luck. Well, maybe a little, but that shows your mindset.

I say keep dating both until you know for sure.

that moment when you send a joking text to someone that you end up regretting because it could be taken the wrong way >_< remind me just to stick to light convo and setting up dates from now on.

oh well if she doesnt, great. if not, oh well.

"I've been stalking the shit out of you"?

 

[baudelinog]

Nothing to do with luck. Well, maybe a little, but that shows your mindset.

When someone says "you are a lucky guy", does not mean that everything that happens to him is due to luck. It's just a way to tell "congratulations". Your thinking is really strange. Maybe it's your mindset what needs some calibration here.

 

[Jokab]

When someone says "you are a lucky guy", does not mean that everything that happens to him is due to luck. It's just a way to tell "congratulations". Your thinking is really strange. Maybe it's your mindset what needs some calibration here.

The problem with these statements, in this thread and related ones in particular, is that many of the people who make them (note that I don't claim to be perfect myself, I am far from it) have the mindset of "wow you're so lucky, that could never happen to me because I'm ugly/miserable/shy/whatever, you must be amazing", when truth is that you make your own luck by having a good mindset and working towards a goal. Not by being envious of people who are successful in whichever area it pertains to and thinking that I could never do that. Because you can.

 

[Sami+]

that moment when you send a joking text to someone that you end up regretting because it could be taken the wrong way >_< remind me just to stick to light convo and setting up dates from now on.

oh well if she doesnt, great. if not, oh well.

Aww cmon man you gotta tell us the joke lol

 

[bluethree]

Aww cmon man you gotta tell us the joke lol

more like a tease that came across as bitter instead :/

Girl says she's too busy on Tuesday (today) to meet, but sends a reply to my text Tuesday night and we have a short convo, so I joke how she's taking time out of her busy schedule for a chat break. Not a girl I know too well/am super interested in, and it's not the end of the world anyway (and I'm definitely overthinking again), just afraid that it came across as bitter or something.

 

[gaiages]

.

Nice, sounds like everything's going great for you

.

It wasn't a waste, it's a life experience. Give yourself time to heal.

The problem with these statements, in this thread and related ones in particular, is that many of the people who make them (note that I don't claim to be perfect myself, I am far from it) have the mindset of "wow you're so lucky, that could never happen to me because I'm ugly/miserable/shy/whatever, you must be amazing", when truth is that you make your own luck by having a good mindset and working towards a goal. Not by being envious of people who are successful in whichever area it pertains to and thinking that I could never do that. Because you can.

Pretty much. Attributing stuff to luck tends to set off little warning signals in our heads, since we've seen exactly this many times before.

 

[eot]

I'm a little hesitant to post here, but fuck it.

I share an apartment with some people, and a little over a month ago one person moved out and a new girl moved in. Now, I'm pretty bad at meeting new people and I've been the guy who lives with someone but doesn't say much more than good morning. I've been making an effort to change that, but it doesn't happen overnight. However this new girl and I get along really well, we often end up taking for hours. So that's great, she's a cool person and I'd be excited just to keep her as a friend. I'm just trying to figure out if there's something more going on.

So, first of all, I'm not desperate enough to fall for someone just because they show me some attention (or maybe I am), but I feel like she shows me an unusual amount of attention. It's small stuff, but for example if I mention something like a song/video/article etc. she'll always react super enthusiastically and promise to check it out asap, if she's eating something and I walk into the room she almost always wants me to sit down and try some and so on. The other day we had a dinner party and, I mean I wasn't counting, but she probably touched my arm/shoulder and playfully punched me twenty times or something and also hugged me a few times (sober btw). She'd also talked me up in front of her friends, like "did you know that eot can/is good at bla bla bla".

Tell me if I'm over analysing things.

Spoiler

(Since I live with her I think it might be a bit inconsiderate to make a move, the resulting awkwardness would be much worse if it doesn't go well. As I said I also really like her as a friend. Also #2 she's very outgoing and friendly towards people in general)

 

[gaiages]

.

I'd highly, highly recommend *not* making a move while you two live together. Even if she likes you, it's only a recipe for disaster. Perhaps when one of you moves out?

Also, is she huggy/physical with most people? There are people like that. You say she's outgoing, but does she go around hugging everyone?

 

[Alavard]

I'm a little hesitant to post here, but fuck it.

I share an apartment with some people, and a little over a month ago one person moved out and a new girl moved in. Now, I'm pretty bad at meeting new people and I've been the guy who lives with someone but doesn't say much more than good morning. I've been making an effort to change that, but it doesn't happen overnight. However this new girl and I get along really well, we often end up taking for hours. So that's great, she's a cool person and I'd be excited just to keep her as a friend. I'm just trying to figure out if there's something more going on.

So, first of all, I'm not desperate enough to fall for someone just because they show me some attention (or maybe I am), but I feel like she shows me an unusual amount of attention. It's small stuff, but for example if I mention something like a song/video/article etc. she'll always react super enthusiastically and promise to check it out asap, if she's eating something and I walk into the room she almost always wants me to sit down and try some and so on. The other day we had a dinner party and, I mean I wasn't counting, but she probably touched my arm/shoulder and playfully punched me twenty times or something and also hugged me a few times (sober btw). She'd also talked me up in front of her friends, like "did you know that eot can/is good at bla bla bla".

Tell me if I'm over analysing things.

Spoiler

(Since I live with her I think it might be a bit inconsiderate to make a move, the resulting awkwardness would be much worse if it doesn't go well. As I said I also really like her as a friend. Also #2 she's very outgoing and friendly towards people in general)

In my experience fear of awkwardness itself is almost always worse than the actual awkwardness that could result. If you're at all interested in exploring the possibility of romance with her, then just ask her out, for dinner or something, making it clear it's a date. Just be direct and make it clear you enjoy spending time with her, and enjoy having her as a friend, but you'd like to see where things go.

While it is possible to 'ruin' a friendship, my experience is that people usually regret not asking someone out moreso than they regret asking people out.

 

[eot]

Also, is she huggy/physical with most people? There are people like that. You say she's outgoing, but does she go around hugging everyone?

Well, she's not like that with my other flatmate (that I've seen anyway).

 

[gaiages]

In my experience fear of awkwardness itself is almost always worse than the actual awkwardness that could result. If you're at all interested in exploring the possibility of romance with her, then just ask her out, for dinner or something, making it clear it's a date. Just be direct and make it clear you enjoy spending time with her, and enjoy having her as a friend, but you'd like to see where things go.

While it is possible to 'ruin' a friendship, my experience is that people usually regret not asking someone out moreso than they regret asking people out.

Yeah but they live together. I dunno if either would want to be in a situation like that if things go sour. They have to live with each other regardless of feelings, after all.

Well, she's not like that with my other flatmate (that I've seen anyway).

Eh, not really the other flatmate, I mean with her friends/people she talks to.

 

[Alavard]

Yeah but they live together. I dunno if either would want to be in a situation like that if things go sour. They have to live with each other regardless of feelings, after all.

I agree the worst case is bad. But the worst case is also a lot less likely than people often think. And if there's already attraction one or both ways, there's already going to be awkwardness or jealousy later down the road. Better to address it now, in a slow and mature way.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

I'm a little hesitant to post here, but fuck it.

I share an apartment with some people, and a little over a month ago one person moved out and a new girl moved in. Now, I'm pretty bad at meeting new people and I've been the guy who lives with someone but doesn't say much more than good morning. I've been making an effort to change that, but it doesn't happen overnight. However this new girl and I get along really well, we often end up taking for hours. So that's great, she's a cool person and I'd be excited just to keep her as a friend. I'm just trying to figure out if there's something more going on.

So, first of all, I'm not desperate enough to fall for someone just because they show me some attention (or maybe I am), but I feel like she shows me an unusual amount of attention. It's small stuff, but for example if I mention something like a song/video/article etc. she'll always react super enthusiastically and promise to check it out asap, if she's eating something and I walk into the room she almost always wants me to sit down and try some and so on. The other day we had a dinner party and, I mean I wasn't counting, but she probably touched my arm/shoulder and playfully punched me twenty times or something and also hugged me a few times (sober btw). She'd also talked me up in front of her friends, like "did you know that eot can/is good at bla bla bla".

Tell me if I'm over analysing things.

Spoiler

(Since I live with her I think it might be a bit inconsiderate to make a move, the resulting awkwardness would be much worse if it doesn't go well. As I said I also really like her as a friend. Also #2 she's very outgoing and friendly towards people in general)

I only ever discourge people from going for it for purely 1 reason. Don't shit where you eat.

 

[cabot]

I've seen a friend this year who met a flatmate on gumtree, subsequently moved in (great flat and cheap as for him), started going out with her, crashed and burned and was then ejected from the flat with absolutely no notice whatsoever and had to live on another friend's couch.

Be extremely careful, it sounds a bit different with regards to your situation, because she's the one that moved in, so the onus is on you to deal with it if a bad breakup occurs.

As for the signs you mention, nothing there particularly makes me thing romantic interest, aside from the touching/hugging. As previously said, this could be just who she is. She's probably just being really friendly to the flatmate showing her some attention.

 

[Roberto Larcos]

I only ever discourge people from going for it for purely 1 reason. Don't shit where you eat.

Backing this up. Not worth it.

 

[aw350]

I have to say this is a very interesting thread. Just lurking is already worth it. Human relations is such an endless and intriguing topic.

 

[Interface23]

It wasn't a waste, it's a life experience. Give yourself time to heal.

I get it, but how do you start over when you've been with someone your entire adult life so you blindly assume it's going to be forever and their family has basically become your family? I feel like my entire family just died it sucks hard...

 

[gaiages]

I get it, but how do you start over when you've been with someone your entire adult life so you blindly assume it's going to be forever and their family has basically become your family? I feel like my entire family just died it sucks hard...

It does suck, and it's gonna hurt for a while. But for now, the important thing isn't what you lost, or even anything about other people. It's all about you. Do things that make you happy, and try to improve yourself (most suggest going to the gym or something similar). It'll sucks for a while, but eventually you'll begin to realize that there's plenty beyond what you've built with your ex.

I say this as someone who went through the same thing (7 year relationship). I basically became 'one of the family', but... alas, that never worked out. It was devastating to me too, as I don't really have much of a family anymore, so it felt nice to have people that cared, lol. It'll take a while, but it'll get better, trust me.

 

[ZackieChan]

10 years here. My life has been pretty awesome since. There's hope, don't worry too much. Took me a few years to actually start dating seriously after that. No need to rush.

 

[n64coder]

It's legitimate advice, IF you have any options at all. I had one date in the last six months. And I wrote a LOT of messages online. So I can't even question my actions, because I didn't even get to act in any way. I can't drop anyone, because there isn't anyone to drop.

It's just a dead end for me. The only way for me to meet women is online - but I am not attractive enough to catch their attention with my pictures. And I belive I am not the only one stuck in that way.

You need to increase your opportunities to meet other people in real life and not just focus online. Make yourself more attractive to others by dressing better and feeling better about yourself. Increase your odds and one day you will strike gold.

 

[ZackieChan]

You need to increase your opportunities to meet other people in real life and not just focus online. Make yourself more attractive to others by dressing better and feeling better about yourself. Increase your odds and one day you will strike gold.

Also, being more interesting and doing more interesting things makes you more attractive to everyone.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

I'm going to set the stage for what's clearly a Spanish telenovela concerning the girl I'm currently dating:

I first messaged her on OKCupid on Friday, October 23rd. We exchanged some light texting throughout the weekend, then met on Sunday, October 25th: we went to a winery, then dinner, then her friend's house (she had to pee), and finally finished up at a bar for a nightcap. We met the following day, on Monday, for drinks. She spent the night that Wednesday. We both called in sick the following Thursday. And then, that Friday evening, we both drove to Busch Gardens for our first weekend trip. We returned home on Sunday -- and she spent Sunday night at my place; we worked out Monday morning, had lunch, and she went home. Super quick stuff, am I right?

Additional nuggets: that Sunday, we also met the guy she's fucking for drinks. Before you recoil in shock, I was completely okay with this: we're angling towards an open relationship and value communication! Now, last week, I went home to see my parents from Wednesday to Friday, so we got our mileage out of texting, calling, and GChat; we also hung out with my best friends Friday night (drinking! rooftop!) and her Ph.D. cohort on Saturday night (drinking! puppies! we baked cookies! we played Cards Against Humanity!).

Now, her period's a couple days late, and if it's anyone's, it's the other dude's! We're trying to figure out if we're "together" or not. We're going on a "normal" date this Friday, I think -- just dinner and a comedy show, instead of another weekend getaway.

To put it bluntly, we're managing because we're completely open with one another. Don't be scared to intelligently communicate your feelings. Establish your expectations. If this is salvageable (and I think it is), then so's your situation.

Those must be some expensive drinks she's getting.

 

[Fuchs]

She said, she'd be out of town for the weekend. So there's that

 

[Daria]

must.not.text.my.ex.

driving me bonkers :/

 

[War Peaceman]

What do y'all think about the super like? My tinder copy on windows phone just got it. I was wondering if it is as awkward in practice as I feel it would be.

 

[bluethree]

What do y'all think about the super like? My tinder copy on windows phone just got it. I was wondering if it is as awkward in practice as I feel it would be.

I don't understand why it would be, though it hasn't been especially effective for me. I try to only use super likes for girls that are near me (note that Tinder users are rare where I live).

(Japanese dating sites use a similar system in that you have to like each other before you can send messages, and you get a notification every time someone likes you, and it never seemed odd to me. The lame thing is that the likes run out and you have to purchase more :/)

 

[Daria]

What do y'all think about the super like? My tinder copy on windows phone just got it. I was wondering if it is as awkward in practice as I feel it would be.

i did it on one girl and we ended up having a little conversation for a while but it eventually led nowhere. i don't think it's awkward because you're just basically telling them you think they're more attractive than anyone else you've seen on there that day

 

[Jokab]

My Tinder is being really weird with super likes because it seems I have an unlimited stash of them right now. But I also think they might be bugged for me completely because I'm getting zero matches from super likes, but still trickling in from my normal likes. I have no idea what's up.

 

[Fuchs]

She is saying, she is extremely sorry, that the date next saturday won't happen.
Still she would like to meet up though, but because of her busy schedule she doesn't know/can't tell me when she'll have time for a date.

Nah, I think I'm going to back out of this. Feels like she's acting busy, because she doesn't want to go on a date with me. But why can't she be out front? At this stage it wouldn't hurt me really. It's just kinda stressful und annoying, when she keeps postponing the date. Sad though, I thought she was really cool.

 

[bluethree]

She is saying, she is extremely sorry, that the date next saturday won't happen.
Still she would like to meet up though, but because of her busy schedule she doesn't know/can't tell me when she'll have time for a date.

Nah, I think I'm going to back out of this. Feels like she's acting busy, because she doesn't want to go on a date with me. But why can't she be out front? At this stage it wouldn't hurt me really. It's just kinda stressful und annoying, when she keeps postponing the date. Sad though, I thought she was really cool.

I don't like it either, but that's just the way a lot of people are. All you can control are your own actions and the way you communicate. You did well by being upfront about your intentions, and recognize that this is a lost cause, which is more than a lot of people are capable of.

 

[SuperEpicGuy]

She is saying, she is extremely sorry, that the date next saturday won't happen.
Still she would like to meet up though, but because of her busy schedule she doesn't know/can't tell me when she'll have time for a date.

Nah, I think I'm going to back out of this. Feels like she's acting busy, because she doesn't want to go on a date with me. But why can't she be out front? At this stage it wouldn't hurt me really. It's just kinda stressful und annoying, when she keeps postponing the date. Sad though, I thought she was really cool.

That's the problem I've had with girls, just be upfront and tell me. Instead they opt out for the "maybe" thing which makes it worse in the long run tbh.

 

[bluethree]

That's the problem I've had with girls, just be upfront and tell me. Instead they opt out for the "maybe" thing which makes it worse in the long run tbh.

How exactly?

A lot of girls don't give an upfront rejection in part because they have no idea how a guy will react. You might be OK with an upfront rejection, but that just invites conflict and overreactions from a lot of guys.

Having been on the receiving end of this in non-dating situations recently (people blowing up at me for minor things) it really isn't pleasant, and it's a big part of the reason I tolerate this behavior from girls even though I don't like it.

 

[demosthenes]

God dammit. Single after 9 months. Feels bad.

 

[Unai]

What do y'all think about the super like? My tinder copy on windows phone just got it. I was wondering if it is as awkward in practice as I feel it would be.

My first super like granted me an awesome conversation. Nothing more than that because of geographical conditions but still.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

She is saying, she is extremely sorry, that the date next saturday won't happen.
Still she would like to meet up though, but because of her busy schedule she doesn't know/can't tell me when she'll have time for a date.

Nah, I think I'm going to back out of this. Feels like she's acting busy, because she doesn't want to go on a date with me. But why can't she be out front? At this stage it wouldn't hurt me really. It's just kinda stressful und annoying, when she keeps postponing the date. Sad though, I thought she was really cool.

Dont worry bout it. It would be better if people were upfront but its not important what the reason is. Don't engage her. Time to move on.

 

[SuperEpicGuy]

How exactly?

A lot of girls don't give an upfront rejection in part because they have no idea how a guy will react. You might be OK with an upfront rejection, but that just invites conflict and overreactions from a lot of guys.

Having been on the receiving end of this in non-dating situations recently (people blowing up at me for minor things) it really isn't pleasant, and it's a big part of the reason I tolerate this behavior from girls even though I don't like it.

I should clarify, by the maybe thing, I mean that their response leaves room for misconception. I mean I get why they do it, but it'd be nice to just have "sorry, but just not interested". But that was back when I was new to this, after a while you can sense how they're feeling without them telling you anything.