• Hey Guest. Check out your NeoGAF Wrapped 2025 results here!

Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.

Status
Not open for further replies.
Zaraki_Kenpachi said:
So like this past time we were talking about just dating norms since she's from a different country. She said for her country it's X, and I said of really, I heard it was Y. She asked where I heard it from and said friends of mine and so she replies (paraphrasing) "You're probably not good enough for them. If you were good enough they wouldn't tell you that" and then followed it up with "if you know so many of them why don't you date them?". There's then silence and I finally respond "yeah, not sure what the hell that was" and she says "well it was a joke".

Granted it's through text but she doesn't follow up with it or make smiley face and at least that one is topical, some others have just come out of left field and I'm like wtf? From hanging out with her, I think she is awkwardly trying to make a joke but I don't understand why people don't realize that insults are jokes. Jokes have punch lines, not just random insults you don't follow up on. I don't know her personality at times when texting is very different then when we're in person, not sure if it's a small part a language barrier thing since it's worse when texting.
Click to expand...

Is English her native language? Where is she from?
 
Zaraki_Kenpachi said:
So like this past time we were talking about just dating norms since she's from a different country. She said for her country it's X, and I said of really, I heard it was Y. She asked where I heard it from and said friends of mine and so she replies (paraphrasing) "You're probably not good enough for them. If you were good enough they wouldn't tell you that" and then followed it up with "if you know so many of them why don't you date them?". There's then silence and I finally respond "yeah, not sure what the hell that was" and she says "well it was a joke".

Granted it's through text but she doesn't follow up with it or make smiley face and at least that one is topical, some others have just come out of left field and I'm like wtf? From hanging out with her, I think she is awkwardly trying to make a joke but I don't understand why people don't realize that insults are jokes. Jokes have punch lines, not just random insults you don't follow up on. I don't know her personality at times when texting is very different then when we're in person, not sure if it's a small part a language barrier thing since it's worse when texting.
Click to expand...

You must be a fucking asshole.


....


...


It was a joke ;) Get it?
 
I wouldn't take it too seriously as in something bad you said - Chinese people tend to not like other Asian people or even ones from other regions (ie, Mainlanders don't like people from Hong Kong).
 
vern said:
What is the dating norm that you guys are disagreeing about?
Click to expand...

Eh, just talking about dating lengths stuff and starting relationships. The norm doesn't matter, the actual norm itself didn't matter.

gwailo said:
I wouldn't take it too seriously as in something bad you said - Chinese people tend to not like other Asian people or even ones from other regions (ie, Mainlanders don't like people from Hong Kong).
Click to expand...

Well I didn't say anything bad so I wouldn't take it that way anyhow. :p And there's no difference between them except age.


She seemed really apologetic the last time but not sure if she'll say something this time. It's kind of fatiguing so kind of tempted to just not bother.
ZackieChan said:
You must be a fucking asshole.


....


...


It was a joke ;) Get it?
Click to expand...
At least you put a smile and said get it. I don't even get that :lol
 
devilsadvocat said:
Had a great few days on the phone with this girl, she wants me to take it slow on our first date (nice restaurant)

She shows up and super awkward, apparently me?

My pictures are no more than 3,weeks old, we even faced time ., but after a two hour date she said there was no chemistry.

I felt dumb founded, this girl
I must be ugly?
Click to expand...

No, you're reading too much into it. I know I've been on dates with girls who were gorgeous but there was no chemistry and even though they were pretty I felt no attraction. And I've been on dates with girls who weren't as "perfect" and been ridiculously attracted to them. Don't take it as anything personal. Chemistry is based on way more than looks.
 
Zaraki_Kenpachi said:
Ehh, like I said it would bother me less if they didn't just come off as insults instead of jokes. Have to think about it more.
Click to expand...

I know you just said that it's over but Chinese girls (and Chinese culture I guess?) they can be brutally honest. Like, Chinese girls always tell me I'm a little bit fat. Which I guess is true... maybe. I don't have a 6 pack and I'm not rail thin like a lot of dudes out here, but I'm in decent enough physical shape.

At first when I got to China and was dating it kind of bothered me, because maybe in the USA they wouldn't be so direct, especially not the first date or first time you get intimate. That's just an example and I don't think it's mean or an insult, it's just something that comes out of the mouth of a Chinese girl... of course I don't know what she said to you so maybe it really was meant to harm you.
 
vern said:
I know you just said that it's over but Chinese girls (and Chinese culture I guess?) they can be brutally honest. Like, Chinese girls always tell me I'm a little bit fat. Which I guess is true... maybe. I don't have a 6 pack and I'm not rail thin like a lot of dudes out here, but I'm in decent enough physical shape.

At first when I got to China and was dating it kind of bothered me, because maybe in the USA they wouldn't be so direct, especially not the first date or first time you get intimate. That's just an example and I don't think it's mean or an insult, it's just something that comes out of the mouth of a Chinese girl... of course I don't know what she said to you so maybe it really was meant to harm you.
Click to expand...

Yeah, so that's definitely a common thing I've noticed but considering my experience I couldn't say one way or the other of that's a common attitude of not. Blunt isn't necessarily bad but it's always been somewhat out of left field so it's more of a like why would you say that type of thing. Plus I know she would not be receptive if I did similar back.

Do you just kind of ignore it when it happens or how do you deal with it? But yeah, definitely blunt and early on. It's hard to tell, previous gf was similar but would never say something like that over text but rather in person so I could always clearly tell her intent.
 
Zaraki_Kenpachi said:
Yeah, so that's definitely a common thing I've noticed but considering my experience I couldn't say one way or the other of that's a common attitude of not. Blunt isn't necessarily bad but it's always been somewhat out of left field so it's more of a like why would you say that type of thing. Plus I know she would not be receptive if I did similar back.

Do you just kind of ignore it when it happens or how do you deal with it? But yeah, definitely blunt and early on. It's hard to tell, previous gf was similar but would never say something like that over text but rather in person so I could always clearly tell her intent.
Click to expand...

I think you ignore it, have thick skin. I mean, she's "talking shit" but still dating with you or sleeping with you then it doesn't really matter. If you are trying to marry her then maybe get someone who doesn't insult you I guess, but if it's more casual relationship then it doesn't bother me. Just know that it comes with the territory of dating a Chinese girl.

And zackie ... Just lol, get back to Thailand and work your magic.
 
Tsukumo said:
I'll base my opinion on the pic you posted a while ago: you dress very well and the stuff you have on you looks expensive. I don't know how you present yourself to girls, if you are pushy, charming, frantic, shy or whatever, but you look like a guy who goes to club every weekend and gets laid every weekend.
Normally I would think by the one-liners and the horrific "when she's free" that she is studying you because she hasn't figured you out, but the fact that you had a long date and the "vibe" you give from the way you dress makes me think she already has made some sort of decision and she is setting you up to fail, to make really sure.
On top of that, proper reply to someone who cuts down on communication like this needs to happen fast. Since this has been going on for a day already, simply stop messaging her: anything you write at this point, even if clever, will look like you are trying to buy either time or favours. Not good.
In the future, in case you'll get other one-liners in place of proper messaging, just reply to less communication to even less communication, or even better with nonsensical communication, like:
- simply replying LMAO
- send a completely irrelevant pic
- reply with just "yes!" or "ok!".
I think that you keep finding yourself in these situations because you are stuck between the usual "I want a relationship but I wouldn't mind having sex with random girls", which means you are setting yourself for two different, possibly outright opposite goals.
Click to expand...
How long ago? I dress a bit more casually now to be honest, even if some of the shoes and jackets I wear are decent (albeit relatively cheap). Do I really come across like that? I find that a bit laughable to be honest, especially since that couldn't be further from the truth. :P

My friends don't think there's anything particularly wrong with what has been said in text, even if I have my doubts. Things have certainly died down a bit, but I don't think my anxiety is helping matters at all either.

Tomorrow I'll be going to the pub she works at (it's my local after all), so assuming she's working I'll see how she responds. That said, I won't go out of my way to speak with her.

I thought I stood a good chance since she initially instigated it, so it'll be a shame if it hasn't worked out.
 
Probably going to take a break for a while. Using up too much of my time and haven't really liked the personalities of most of the people I met. Rather focus on more important things.
 
One thing I hate about dating today is that it seems as though if you like someone, you still have to date other people to prove that you aren't too into them. Don't get me wrong; I love casual sex as much as the next creep, but it takes too much effort for me to actually treat multiple people like human beings. I am trying to be a good guy here.
 
Some girl who I stopped talking to because she went silent messaged me two days ago after after like two months of silence. I text her back asking what's up and she doesn't respond until 24 hours later with nothing substantial. When I respond to that she once again takes a day or more to respond with like a single word. It's why I stopped talking to her in the first place. I don't know what she wants but it's annoying.
 
Astral said:
Some girl who I stopped talking to because she went silent messaged me two days ago after after like two months of silence. I text her back asking what's up and she doesn't respond until 24 hours later with nothing substantial. When I respond to that she once again takes a day or more to respond with like a single word. It's why I stopped talking to her in the first place. I don't know what she wants but it's annoying.
Click to expand...
So why the hell are you even responding? Come on man, if she blew you off before I wouldn't have even responded the first time she messaged you again. What she wants is attention and you're falling over yourself to give it to her. Have more self worth.
 
Count Dookkake said:
One thing I hate about dating today is that it seems as though if you like someone, you still have to date other people to prove that you aren't too into them. Don't get me wrong; I love casual sex as much as the next creep, but it takes too much effort for me to actually treat multiple people like human beings. I am trying to be a good guy here.
Click to expand...

What?

You don't sound like a good guy.
 
Zaraki_Kenpachi said:
So why the hell are you even responding? Come on man, if she blew you off before I wouldn't have even responded the first time she messaged you again. What she wants is attention and you're falling over yourself to give it to her. Have more self worth.
Click to expand...

Just out of curiosity. I wasn't excited or anything when she tested me out of the blue. I honestly didn't know who it was at first since I had deleted her number. Believe me I have no intention of seeing her or anything. It just kinda baffles me when people do this. Like they expect a person to be crawling back. Fuck that shit. I really don't like people sometimes.
 
Astral said:
Just out of curiosity. I wasn't excited or anything when she tested me out of the blue. I honestly didn't know who it was at first since I had deleted her number. Believe me I have no intention of seeing her or anything. It just kinda baffles me when people do this. Like they expect a person to be crawling back. Fuck that shit. I really don't like people sometimes.
Click to expand...

THEN WHY EVEN RESPOND. You claim that you don't but you obviously care a little if you kept responding. You didn't even stop when you found out who it was, you had her flake on you and you were still sending her messages. Your actions aren't lining up with your words, stop giving people the time of day who don't deserve it and have more respect for yourself and your time.
 
Zaraki_Kenpachi said:
THEN WHY EVEN RESPOND. You claim that you don't but you obviously care a little if you kept responding. You didn't even stop when you found out who it was, you had her flake on you and you were still sending her messages. Your actions aren't lining up with your words, stop giving people the time of day who don't deserve it and have more respect for yourself and your time.
Click to expand...

The Ray Wonder virus is spreading.
They're taking over the thread.
 
Count Dookkake said:
One thing I hate about dating today is that it seems as though if you like someone, you still have to date other people to prove that you aren't too into them. Don't get me wrong; I love casual sex as much as the next creep, but it takes too much effort for me to actually treat multiple people like human beings. I am trying to be a good guy here.
Click to expand...

Um...you should be treating them like human beings regardless if you are trying to get into their pants or not.
 
Zaraki_Kenpachi said:
THEN WHY EVEN RESPOND. You claim that you don't but you obviously care a little if you kept responding. You didn't even stop when you found out who it was, you had her flake on you and you were still sending her messages. Your actions aren't lining up with your words, stop giving people the time of day who don't deserve it and have more respect for yourself and your time.
Click to expand...

Stop yelling. We've exchanged like literally three words. I'm just not the type of person to ignore others, even if I don't like them.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Similar threads

I just had a magical experience in the bathroom.
27
314
poppabk replied
After all these years, I took the leap, middle-age is calling me, it's finally time to embrace...
21
465
NeverYouMind replied
What do you think about age differences in relationships?
2 3 4
198
2K
Outlier replied
Age of Disclosure (UFO/UAP documentary) in theaters/streaming Nov 21st
2
95
1K
IDKFA replied
I've given up on dating
4 5 6 7 8
363
8K
Sticks replied
Top Bottom