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[Gotdatmoney]

Dating in Thailand as a white American is like playing a game on easy mode. Had a great coffee and movie date that turned into lots of hand holding and snuggling, then a few kisses at the end. Seeing each other again on Wednesday. Really cute, but Neogaf's Vern is a hater. One of the few girls I've met that looks exactly like photos! It's a rare find.

Haha honestly I think there is a lot more social pressure on women to apear perfect all the time. Its pretty apparent as an early 20 year old with lots of friends in Uni that all photos are made up and filtered to hell and back. But like in real life. Most of these people look better than on photos which is sorta funny.

I have maybe 3 friends as girls who look exactly as advertised in pictures for better or for worse. The guys generally look the same as they tend to not give a shit. Looks honestly are also tied to style and clothes. Dressing nice makes a hige difference.

 

[Llyranor]

There's this feeling we have when courting women.. this idea that we have to make all the correct moves or fail.. That idea is going to absolutely be true in a relationship that's frail to begin with.... Any truly compatible relationship is not going to depend on a very specific moment, or a specific action on your part. If things are "meant to be" your missteps won't truly be missteps. You'll always have another chance.

I mean, I totally know how you feel. A while back, I fought so hard playing an emotional game of tag to do all the right things and try to secure a relationship with this one girl. I wanted it to be so, sooo badly, and while I got to taste it briefly, it was a constant battle to try to keep things going right. That's not a relationship that would ever work.

But anyway, even in the the most difficult looking situations... if you simply express interest... give a reasonable amount of time and express interest again, you've done everything you need to do. Anything that you would perceive as messing up is likely the feeling, the result, of an incompatibility and your struggle to fit a square peg into a round hole.


So don't play that game with yourself. Relax. Be yourself. And yes, follow up.. don't worry too much about wheat I said about expressing too much interest. If you sense you've done that, ease up. When you pass the ball to the other player, it really is up to them. You can't force it, and that's going to be where you feel you'll be failing the most.

So relax, don't fixate on an individual until you know you're playing ball.

Hear hear. I had walk on eggshells with this one girl, but I was too infatuated to realize it was a toxic incompatible relationship. I got burned badly, and it took me months to recover. That was a great lesson I absolutely needed.

Screw eggshells, just be yourself, and if things are meant to be, it will happen naturally. I'm too old for girls who like manufactured drama or play mind games and 'test' you.

I take it there's no reason to continue bothering with this, right?

I really don't understand what went wrong.

I don't know the full background, but ok, so she danced with other guys. It's just dancing.

Ask her out on a date. If she says yes, great. If she avoids a positive (by saying no or by being vague/evasive), move on. It actually can be quite 'simple'. Just ask her that one question, and it will clear things for you.

 

[Kyne]

My love life has taken a hard nose dive into the shitter because I failed to realize the woman I was falling really hard for was, in fact, pretty unstable.

Started dating back in October and she had a crisis of self about a week and a half ago.

What I initially saw as fun and exciting spontaneity that got me out of my shell a bit, I've now realized is an inability to commit to anything. She'll flake last minute or expect me to be available for plans with 5 or 10 minutes notice.

She's also still crushing hard on a former FWB who she knows is destructive for her, but she recently told me that until those feelings go away she can't take anything between us more seriously.

I was really, really into her. Liked her kind nature and easy laugh. Didn't hurt that the sex was great. But now I'm just in a state between an irrational but loud voice in my head saying I should wait for her to figure her shit out and then embrace the "free spirit" in her, and the other side of me that is saying, "This is how things go from uncomfortable to toxic, just avoid her."

Top that off with a girl I've known online via MMOs moving within a relatively decent distance recently. Saturday we met up and we had a pretty great time out together. I could tell she was feeling it, and I liked her as well, but I don't know if it's something that's worth pursuing since she lives about 30-40 minutes from me.

I just don't know what to do. Having emotions is taxing as fuck.

that distance is nothing.

Dive in.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

I've been married. My ex-wife is my best friend. I may, at some point, set up a threesome between her and my girlfriend.

In other words: everything I do is trouble.

I would read your autobiography, even if you become the next James Frey.

 

[ZackieChan]

that distance is nothing.

Dive in.

Especially when most of their time will be spent playing MMOs together. On those nights they can just stay at their respective homes.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

Does it mean you've got no chance when done is really quiet? Like they agreed to meet up and such but they're just so quiet. Just weird they'll meet up but are so quiet.

 

[Pickman]

So had a frank discussion with the free spirit and that's done. She was feeling butterflies but it was more reactionary to her distancing herself from the former fwb than seeing me as a romantic partner or some other dismissive bullshit excuse. Better off this way tbo.

A big issue with the girl who lives 30 min away is that I can't drive, which tends to put a damper on local relationships, let alone ones with a commute.

Still, I'm going for it. She digs me and I dig her.

 

[peanutbutterlatte]

So this isn't really a question about dating per se, though I suppose there's an opportunity to meet people in a way. I've been invited to the birthday party of an ex co-worker, who I haven't worked with in about 10 months. We saw each other a few times after for drinks, but haven't really talked since until I ran into her on the bus the other week.

We got talking and agreed we'd meet up again, along with a bunch of other people I'd worked with. Obviously we didn't get along enough for me to make great efforts to stay in touch, but I didn't dislike any of them, and I'm crap at staying in touch anyway.

I'm imagining being a 21st it'll be family etc. and obviously dancing, which makes me a little terrified, dancing in front of people I haven't seen in a long time! Any tips for keeping cool in that sort of social climate? Obviously the answer is "don't overthink it" or "get drunk" but there's downsides to the latter!

So had a frank discussion with the free spirit and that's done. She was feeling butterflies but it was more reactionary to her distancing herself from the former fwb than seeing me as a romantic partner or some other dismissive bullshit excuse. Better off this way tbo.

A big issue with the girl who lives 30 min away is that I can't drive, which tends to put a damper on local relationships, let alone ones with a commute.

Still, I'm going for it. She digs me and I dig her.

I've stopped dating until I hopefully pass my test in December, loses so much momentum when you have to bus it everywhere...

 

[GK86]

If it is the 21st bday, I doubt the family would be there.

Took me a long time to learn this, but just don't give a fuck and dance. If you don't know how to dance, admit it and ask one of the girls to show you some dance moves that night.

People remember more the person that just sat and didn't dance, than the person who doesn't know and tried.

At some point in the night, they will be tipsy/drunk anyway.

 

[peanutbutterlatte]

If it is the 21st bday, I doubt the family would be there.

Took me a long time to learn this, but just don't give a fuck and dance. If you don't know how to dance, admit it and ask one of the girls to show you some dance moves that night.

People remember more the person that just sat and didn't dance, than the person who doesn't know and tried.

At some point in the night, they will be tipsy/drunk anyway.

Yeah this is absolutely true really isn't it? I guess I've just got to get over it, I was quite good friends with a few of them at one stage, but when you leave a workplace it's hard isn't it? All the outings they go on are directly linked around work.

 

[Jokab]

The key to dancing while not knowing how to is to laugh a lot. Laugh at yourself, with your partner/partners, make mistakes, be goofy. As long as it's something upbeat that is, but then again slow dances were never difficult to begin with.

 

[Mobile Suit Gooch]

I'm in one of those situations where I like a girl(who is a friend of mine) but I have a friend that likes her too.

He knows that that I liked her but he wants me to ask her how see feels about him.

I don't know what to do, I either tell her that I liked her in a romantic way or make a case for him. Even though according to him, she told him that they "didn't connect" or something.

Maybe it's not that complicated.

 

[Max]

I'm in one of those situations where I like a girl(who is a friend of mine) but I have a friend that likes her too.

He knows that that I liked her but he wants me to ask her how see feels about him.

I don't know what to do, I either tell her that I liked her in a romantic way or make a case for him. Even though according to him, she told him that they "didn't connect" or something.

Maybe it's not that complicated.

You don't have to do anything for your friend. They "didn't connect".

If you like her, hang out with her oe-on-one and take it slow. See how things develop

 

[Xun]

Sounds like she got jealous.

I wouldn't, but it is because I hate playing stupid games.

What exactly would make her jealous though?

The fact her friend spoke to me and my friend?

Did you ask her if something was wrong?

Then again, she was dancing with other guys, so she sounds sort of petty...

I didn't since I thought it was best to just leave it.

My anxiety probably isn't helping matters either since I overthink things, but that said my mate also noted she was acting a little off that night.

Not sure of all the backstory on this, but have you been on a date with her/asked her on a date?

I have, yes.

I posted about it here.

I don't know the full background, but ok, so she danced with other guys. It's just dancing.

Ask her out on a date. If she says yes, great. If she avoids a positive (by saying no or by being vague/evasive), move on. It actually can be quite 'simple'. Just ask her that one question, and it will clear things for you.

It didn't bother me at all, I just thought that perhaps she was trying to invoke some sort of response?

I probably will ask her out again (even though she said she'd let me know after the previous date), but maybe in person? I frequent the pub she works at quite a bit after all.

 

[gaiages]

You don't have to do anything for your friend. They "didn't connect".

If you like her, hang out with her oe-on-one and take it slow. See how things develop

If he likes her, he should just ask her out. :/

What exactly would make her jealous though?

The fact her friend spoke to me and my friend?

If her friend female? Then that's all the reason in the world for someone to get 'jealous', even if it's a shitty reason. Lots of girls get jealous if 'their boi' is talking with a another chick, no matter the reason.

I think it's personally dramatic as balls if she gets jealous because you talk to another woman though lol

 

[Mobile Suit Gooch]

You don't have to do anything for your friend. They "didn't connect".

If you like her, hang out with her oe-on-one and take it slow. See how things develop

I guess not.

I hang out with her quite a bit actually. Mostly in school tho. We'll see how this play out.

If he likes her, he should just ask her out. :/

Heh. Another thing.

She did say she would go to lunch with me.

 

[GK86]

What exactly would make her jealous though?

The fact her friend spoke to me and my friend?

If her friend female? Then that's all the reason in the world for someone to get 'jealous', even if it's a shitty reason. Lots of girls get jealous if 'their boi' is talking with a another chick, no matter the reason.

I think it's personally dramatic as balls if she gets jealous because you talk to another woman though lol

Sorry, I prematurely thought the friend was female, when you didn't state if the friend was male/female.

If it is a female, then Gaiages as the same line as thinking as me. Plus, the fact that you two "bump" into each other at the pub.

 

[gaiages]

Sorry, I prematurely thought the friend was female, when you didn't state if the friend was male/female.

If it is a female, then Gaiages as the same line as thinking as me. Plus, the fact that you two "bump" into each other at the pub.

Honestly yeah I just assumed the friend was female too judging solely on the reactions... because I can't possibly see that happening with a guy friend.

If that was a guy friend, then I don't even know what to make of the situation, lol

 

[PureYeti]

Ok so how do you know if a girl are showing interest in you? I been talking to this girl for a month and yesterday this conversation got my attention.

She mention she sees me in the gym everyday but was afraid to come say hi because she was afraid I will judge on her looks and body. Although I never see her in the gym and I don't go to the gym everyday. I told her not to worry about it and thought her body was fine.

 

[Llyranor]

Ok so how do you know if a girl are showing interest in you?

She says yes when you ask her out on a date.

 

[vern]

Dating in Thailand as a white American is like playing a game on easy mode. Had a great coffee and movie date that turned into lots of hand holding and snuggling, then a few kisses at the end. Seeing each other again on Wednesday. Really cute, but Neogaf's Vern is a hater. One of the few girls I've met that looks exactly like photos! It's a rare find.

Lol Neogaf's Vern... where is that Chappelle Show Player Hater's Ball sketch when you need it?

I only hated because you hated on mine. Only a kiss and snuggle though, cmon son! Get it together.

 

[ZackieChan]

Ok so how do you know if a girl are showing interest in you? I been talking to this girl for a month and yesterday this conversation got my attention.

She mention she sees me in the gym everyday but was afraid to come say hi because she was afraid I will judge on her looks and body. Although I never see her in the gym and I don't go to the gym everyday. I told her not to worry about it and thought her body was fine.

Did you say "your body is fine" or "your body is fooooiiiiiiinnnnnneeeeeee"?

She probably meant every day you are there. But whatever. Ask her if she wants to go out this weekend. You got nothing to lose, my man.

Lol Neogaf's Vern... where is that Chappelle Show Player Hater's Ball sketch when you need it?

I only hated because you hated on mine. Only a kiss and snuggle though, cmon son! Get it together.

 

[Max]

If he likes her, he should just ask her out. :/

Thought that part would have always been established but it is Gooch

 

[Coda]

I really need to ask this particular babe out that works at the coffee shop I frequent. She was flirting with me today, at least I think she was. Every day I leave and I don't make a move I kick myself afterwards. I think slipping her a quick note asking her out with my number is the best way without making it awkward.

Either way it'd be great to meet someone in real life than online. I can't seem to have any real luck with meeting my kind of ladies on there these days.

 

[PureYeti]

Did you say "your body is fine" or "your body is fooooiiiiiiinnnnnneeeeeee"?

She probably meant every day you are there. But whatever. Ask her if she wants to go out this weekend. You got nothing to lose, my man.

Nah it was just fine as assurance. Alright I will give it go.

 

[Max]

I really need to ask this particular babe out that works at the coffee shop I frequent. She was flirting with me today, at least I think she was. Every day I leave and I don't make a move I kick myself afterwards. I think slipping her a quick note asking her out with my number is the best way without making it awkward.

Either way it'd be great to meet someone in real life than online. I can't seem to have any real luck with meeting my kind of ladies on there these days.

ummmmmmmmmmmmmm

Ask her out. By talking. And get HER number

 

[neurochasm]

Don't get attached to someone engaged over long distance. I feel so stupid. My brains go out the window if a girl is pretty enough and says exciting things.

Don't sweat it, dude. I'm sure a lot of us internet focused types have done the same. I'm old enough to know better and still caught feelings for someone over long distance recently, and of course it didn't go anywhere.

 

[beat]

ummmmmmmmmmmmmm

Ask her out. By talking. And get HER number

In general, yes, talk to people and ask them out.

But as a customer asking out someone who is working? ... Maybe still yes, ask her out face-to-face, but remember they gotta be friendly as part of their job. I really think you gotta be pretty sure there's something there in a situation like that.

 

[Jokab]

I really need to ask this particular babe out that works at the coffee shop I frequent. She was flirting with me today, at least I think she was. Every day I leave and I don't make a move I kick myself afterwards. I think slipping her a quick note asking her out with my number is the best way without making it awkward.

Either way it'd be great to meet someone in real life than online. I can't seem to have any real luck with meeting my kind of ladies on there these days.

Yeah definitely do it this way. Asking someone out at their job might make them awkward in front of their co-workers and the customers. Furthermore, they have no place to go as they are at work making them feel cornered - at a bar they can just walk away. It might lead to them saying yes when they don't want to go, and they might ghost you later, wasting your time. A note with your number and verbally telling her sort of "You're cute/You seem interesting/I want to get to know you better, text me " is a better option.

 

[gaiages]

Thought that part would have always been established but it is Gooch

It's not even just Gooch, a lot of people seem to forget that important step xD

 

[Kyne]

I really need to ask this particular babe out that works at the coffee shop I frequent. She was flirting with me today, at least I think she was. Every day I leave and I don't make a move I kick myself afterwards. I think slipping her a quick note asking her out with my number is the best way without making it awkward.

Either way it'd be great to meet someone in real life than online. I can't seem to have any real luck with meeting my kind of ladies on there these days.

under no circumstances should you ask this girl out face to face while she's on the job.

not only will she be cornered but keep in mind that most baristas flirt with their customers. If you have to ask her out, do it with a note. If she doesn't call you then don't make it awkward.

 

[PflargBlarg]

ummmmmmmmmmmmmm

Ask her out. By talking. And get HER number

This is very wrong in this customer-employee context. His note idea was correct.

 

[Jason's Ultimatum]

Date is set for Thursday. Took GK's line, and told her I couldn't tell her the name of the restaurant, but that she'll love it.

 

[ZackieChan]

Date is set for Thursday. Took GK's line, and told her I couldn't tell her the name of the restaurant, but that she'll love it.

I can't believe you've never eaten sushi

 

[Jason's Ultimatum]

I can't believe you've never eaten sushi

I didn't tell her that I haven't yet. Should I when we arrive? I think they cook sushi, too.

 

[gaiages]

I didn't tell her that I haven't yet. Should I when we arrive? I think they cook sushi, too.

I don't see why you haven't, she could recommend something for you to try.

Why not ask her when she wants to go?

And the whole thing about sushi is that the fish is raw. I'm sure there are cooked dishes though, they just may not be actual sushi.

 

[Kyne]

I see where his date is going..

 

[Jason's Ultimatum]

I don't see why you haven't, she could recommend something for you to try.

Why not ask her when she wants to go?

And the whole thing about sushi is that the fish is raw. I'm sure there are cooked dishes though, they just may not be actual sushi.

She moved to the state, so she's unfamiliar with the area. She's the one that asked about any good sushi places when we went out last Friday. I guess on the next date, I could ask her to research the area and find something she'd like to do?

In other news, the girl from my gym I went out with over a week ago asked if I wanted to come over last night, because she was having a cookout. I said I couldn't. I mean, she's decent and cool, and it's easier with the texting and playing it cool with her, but as I've said before, this new one I don't want to screw this one over. It's like I'm a total noob at dating all over again.

EDIT-I'm sure I don't have fish allergies.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

I'm in one of those situations where I like a girl(who is a friend of mine) but I have a friend that likes her too.

He knows that that I liked her but he wants me to ask her how see feels about him.

I don't know what to do, I either tell her that I liked her in a romantic way or make a case for him. Even though according to him, she told him that they "didn't connect" or something.

Maybe it's not that complicated.

Lol your friend can handle his own dating life. Don't say shit on his behalf. If you value your friendship with him and you think going after this girl will ruin it then you have a legitimate decision to make however. If your friend was understanding he woudn't be too salty. But realistically he may get pissed off and it may hurt a friendship so really think about which you would like more.

I

 

[ZackieChan]

I'm in one of those situations where I like a girl(who is a friend of mine) but I have a friend that likes her too.

He knows that that I liked her but he wants me to ask her how see feels about him.

I don't know what to do, I either tell her that I liked her in a romantic way or make a case for him. Even though according to him, she told him that they "didn't connect" or something.

Maybe it's not that complicated.

You came to us with this nonsense before. Why are you so concerned with your friend's love lives over your own? If you like the girl, ask her out. Forget your friend.

 

[Coda]

Thanks for the affirmation guys. Unfortunately I went there, note ready to drop but she was working towards the back and not at the counter so I didn't really have an opportunity to give her the note. Another day I guess haha.

 

[isny]

Thanks for the affirmation guys. Unfortunately I went there, note ready to drop but she was working towards the back and not at the counter so I didn't really have an opportunity to give her the note. Another day I guess haha.

Why do I find this so creepy?

 

[gaiages]

She moved to the state, so she's unfamiliar with the area. She's the one that asked about any good sushi places when we went out last Friday. I guess on the next date, I could ask her to research the area and find something she'd like to do?

In other news, the girl from my gym I went out with over a week ago asked if I wanted to come over last night, because she was having a cookout. I said I couldn't. I mean, she's decent and cool, and it's easier with the texting and playing it cool with her, but as I've said before, this new one I don't want to screw this one over. It's like I'm a total noob at dating all over again.

EDIT-I'm sure I don't have fish allergies.

No, I meant why you haven't told her you've never tried sushi before, so she can help you order something you'll like

Why do I find this so creepy?

I dunno, mabye the 'haha' part? I personally don't find what he did creepy at all unless it was like
*Walk in, look around, spot woman, leave without buying something*
which I doubt he did.

 

[Coda]

Why do I find this so creepy?

Yes I bought a coffee and she was out in the open, wasn't like I was staring at her from afar. She noticed me I think but I was looking down at my wallet and tried to play it cool.

 

[Max]

My problem with leaving a note is that in the case where she receives the note and doesnt text you, its an awkward encounter the next time you enter the store. By getting the number through conversation and allowing you to be the one who texts first at least she may feel obligated to give you a straight answer (yes, no, busy) unless shes a shitty person and cant politely decline.

This is worst case scenario and im just lookin out fam

 

[Coda]

My problem with leaving a note is that in the case where she receives the note and doesnt text you, its an awkward encounter the next time you enter the store. By getting the number through conversation and allowing you to be the one who texts first at least she may feel obligated to give you a straight answer (yes, no, busy) unless shes a shitty person and cant politely decline.

This is worst case scenario and im just lookin out fam

Yeah I hear that, I guess I'd just stop going there if that happens though. I'd rather take my chances at getting to know someone who seems really cool than always wonder "what if?" There are other places I could get coffee too so it wouldn't be a big deal.

I've done the note thing twice before over the course of a few years, I only feel compelled to do it if I'm feeling a vibe from that person. Both of them texted back, even if they have a boyfriend or aren't interested. I think regardless they appreciated the subtleness of the note over just blatantly asking them out, which probably happens way more than the note approach.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

My problem with leaving a note is that in the case where she receives the note and doesnt text you, its an awkward encounter the next time you enter the store. By getting the number through conversation and allowing you to be the one who texts first at least she may feel obligated to give you a straight answer (yes, no, busy) unless shes a shitty person and cant politely decline.

This is worst case scenario and im just lookin out fam

Its only awkward if you make it awkward. If she works cash all you literally have to do is say your order and stand aside. Like I dunno why people say that it can lead to awkwardness. Do you all have intennse conversations from the people you buy coffee from?

If you go from small talk at her work to no talk O dont even see the big deal. No talk is like 95% of everyone's experience shopping.

 

[Jokab]

My problem with leaving a note is that in the case where she receives the note and doesnt text you, its an awkward encounter the next time you enter the store. By getting the number through conversation and allowing you to be the one who texts first at least she may feel obligated to give you a straight answer (yes, no, busy) unless shes a shitty person and cant politely decline.

This is worst case scenario and im just lookin out fam

A lot of girls would probably be hesitant to say no in risk of causing a scene. You never know how the person will react, and you are at work so you have to deal with it. And you shouldn't make her feel obligated to give a straight answer, what kind of tactics is that?

 

[Coda]

A lot of girls would probably be hesitant to say no in risk of causing a scene. You never know how the person will react, and you are at work so you have to deal with it. And you shouldn't make her feel obligated to give a straight answer, what kind of tactics is that?

Yes, that is why the note is effective from my experience. It gives her an opportunity to think about it and if the note is written eloquently I'm assuming it makes them smile when they read it too. It also is an unorthodox approach which makes you seem intriguing and mysterious. We all like romantic gestures when it comes off as sincere and not like a "cat call."

 

[Max]

A lot of girls would probably be hesitant to say no in risk of causing a scene. You never know how the person will react, and you are at work so you have to deal with it. And you shouldn't make her feel obligated to give a straight answer, what kind of tactics is that?

Notes with a number on it isnt a confident or mature tactic to me. Why not let her say no through text rather than saying no through literally throwing the note away and thinking nothing of it? it also lessens the *anticipates text* phase. When someone texts you the simple obligation of replying back is a pretty sincere gesture. It isnt a gun to her head

You know what it doesnt matter what we think dude should just ask her out however he feela comfortable