Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.

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So the Star Wars date last Saturday was a resounding success & I have a second date planned at our local Mexican restaurant (one of her personal favorites, as it turns out). We met not too long ago & hit it off over the last few weeks of texting. Any advice to make sure this second date goes smoothly?

If you do text, and it starts getting deeper, tease her with it a little bit. With something like "Ask me when we're on our date 😉"

I'm not against texting, as that's the generation we live in, and most people text all the time around my age. If you feel she wants to text, text her. Just don't ever let it replace a date.
 
So the Star Wars date last Saturday was a resounding success & I have a second date planned at our local Mexican restaurant (one of her personal favorites, as it turns out). We met not too long ago & hit it off over the last few weeks of texting. Any advice to make sure this second date goes smoothly?

Nothing really, just keep the conversation going as much as possible (obviously don't talk with your mouth full) and think of a second thing to do if she or you wanna do something after eating.

Lmao this makes me laugh more than it should (and yes i'm that thread's OP) ahahah

The legend of Philippo getting laid with The Phantom Menace will live on in GAF history forever
 
Spending Christmas alone this year.

Feeling really upset about it no matter how much I try not to be. It blows when the person you love most doesn't love you anymore and things like this are the result.
 
So the Star Wars date last Saturday was a resounding success & I have a second date planned at our local Mexican restaurant (one of her personal favorites, as it turns out). We met not too long ago & hit it off over the last few weeks of texting. Any advice to make sure this second date goes smoothly?

Like ZackieCHan said, try to limit your texting until the date. In the beginning texting should only be for light banter and to set up logistics for the meetup. The idea is to not giver her too much away until the actual live interaction. Any good stories, jokes, save them for the date. You'd be crippling yourself having full blown text conversations before actual date; no one is infinitely interesting. She's already agreed to see you again, you don't have prove yourself over and over again.

Nothing really, just keep the conversation going as much as possible (obviously don't talk with your mouth full) and think of a second thing to do if she or you wanna do something after eating.

Nope. See above. I hope you don't do this if ever in a similar situation.

It is not your job to keep the conversation going as much as possible. Remember: "Absence makes the heart grow fonder."

Keep it light. Touch bases every 2-3 days. She already likes you, that's why she agreed to see you again. You'll be fine.

Gaf I can't tell if I'm interested in dating a girl or I've just really become a really good friend with her. Last spring I met 4 girls in my college dorm that I would occasionally get food with around campus or hang in the dorm with. And this fall semester these 4 girls live in an apartment the floor above mine.

Some weeks they would invite me over for dinner. I would hang out and eat, I helped hang some strings of christmas lights around the main room once, and I would chauffeur them to bars some nights they needed a ride. Clearly (atleast I think) I am a good friend with these girls and I regularly text some of them. I was interested in girl 1 that I met in a class last spring(nice and very pretty) but early this fall it hit me like a brick wall that I had much more in common with girl 2. One night talking with them, girl 2's responses in the conversation were always spot on to what I was thinking but I had never had a chance to know her well before this. Girls 3 & 4 have boyfriends and I've never thought of them as more than friends.

After that realization I would try and text girl 2 a bit more often to know more about her. At first I really thought she was uninterested in talking with me as her text responses were 5-6 hours apart but she always kept the conversation going. And there were a few times I thought she had decided to end the conversation but about a day later I'd receive a long response keeping things going.

Fast forward to two weeks ago during exam week and I learn from Girl 3 that Girl 2 had rushed home in the middle of the week because her little sister had been admitted to the hospital. And within a day or two she passed away from meningo-encephalitis ( previously a perfectly healthy teenage girl). I was pretty crushed by this news about her sister I hadn't even met and spent the next few days in a range of emotions from angry to scared to sad. I was angry at the fact there was nothing I could do to make anything better, but me and the 3 other girls travelled to the wake and funeral that weekend. We even spent an evening at Girl 2s house to comfort her and keep her mind occupied.

And once that ended we all went home for winter break and I just always have her on my mind. I can't imagine the emotions she feels now and there is no way to know what she does or doesn't need at this point. I made sure to text her that if she ever needed something or someone she always had me and her 3 roommates she could count on. And since the funeral I've been able to have one good conversation with her about a new puppy she is getting to try and brighten her family's mood so that was nice. I just can't tell if I'm feeling some kind of brotherly protection type feelings for her after this event, or I've got deep feelings for her romantically.

Well, it's clear you like her. These brotherly type feeling is your subconscious' defense mechanism. You know elevating this relationship to the romantic level wouldn't be prudent, so you must label these feeling as something more contextually appropriate.

You rationalize spending time with her as looking out for her. But your feelings are not strictly platonic. Assume she, to deal with grief, needed to release physical stress. Let's say while you two talked about what she's going through, in a confused rush of emotions she jumps on you and kisses you, would you pull back and stop her, like any "friend" would? I'm sure you'd probably "protest" says she's not being herself, but you wouldn't be opposed if she persisted again.

So now that we know what you want, let's talk about how you're getting what you want. For starters, there's nothing you can do now. She's going through the grieving process. She doesn't have the time to think about her own feelings and that of another person. So keep being her "friend".

You see, men cannot be friends with women they are attracted to. You are not a friend, but a sort of jaded cop waiting for his pension. You are waiting for that show of affection, which will never come. So understand that when you tell her how you feel, you must be ready to not see her anymore if she rejects you. IF you remain with her after rejection, you are not being a friend. You are then just delusionally holding out your happiness for the benefit of someone that doesn't see you the same way.

So once you know she's reached the acceptance stage, you will take this opening to tell her how you feel. Again, you MUST make it clear; make no mistake, announcing how you feel is a double-edged sword. There is no turning back. Say: "X, these past few months, while being with you through this whole thing, I have learned so much about you and your family. What made you, you. The people that affected you in a positive light. I mean, I don't know what genes fused to produce your eyes, or that beautiful smile of yours. But I now have tangible evidence of what made you such a special friend. And I've seen that friend grow. I thought I was really helping you, but I felt more of an spectator. You are amazing. You are so much stronger now. And I gotta admit, I've fallen for this girl." You know, something to that effect.

Godspeed.
 
I never understood texting paralysis. But then, I'm always the guy who texts at the end of dates -- or makes sure they text me that they've gotten home safely.

It's weird because you've already had conversations on Tinder. Anyway, text tonight. Wish her a Merry Christmas, and that you'll be in touch after the holiday.

(Unless both of you have no Christmas plans, in which case, you both do have Christmas plans together.)

I am on christmas break from school and work (I work at the school) until the 4th. I should try to meet up with her sometime before I go back.

qckupate: i didn't wish her a merry christmas (i don't like saying that anyway), i just said hey and told her who it was. fingers crossed she's not over me for getting her number last night and then letting it hang until the next day due to me falling asleep. But I'm just going to continue on with my day and see what happens.
 
Spending Christmas alone this year.

Feeling really upset about it no matter how much I try not to be. It blows when the person you love most doesn't love you anymore and things like this are the result.

You've got GAF! What about your friends and family?

Nope. See above. I hope you don't do this if ever in a similar situation.

It is not your job to keep the conversation going as much as possible. Remember: "Absence makes the heart grow fonder."
.

I think she was referring to the question about what to do on Date #2, not texting in between.

I am on christmas break from school and work (I work at the school) until the 4th. I should try to meet up with her sometime before I go back.

qckupate: i didn't wish her a merry christmas (i don't like saying that anyway), i just said hey and told her who it was. fingers crossed she's not over me for getting her number last night and then letting it hang until the next day due to me falling asleep. But I'm just going to continue on with my day and see what happens.

The war on christmas comes to Dating-Gaf. Will the persecution ever end?
 
Nope. See above. I hope you don't do this if ever in a similar situation.

It is not your job to keep the conversation going as much as possible. Remember: "Absence makes the heart grow fonder."

Keep it light. Touch bases every 2-3 days. She already likes you, that's why she agreed to see you again. You'll be fine.

I just meant during the date itself (thus the quip about talking with your mouth full). Yeah, texting should be kept to a reasonable minimum, of course.

I am on christmas break from school and work (I work at the school) until the 4th. I should try to meet up with her sometime before I go back.

qckupate: i didn't wish her a merry christmas (i don't like saying that anyway), i just said hey and told her who it was. fingers crossed she's not over me for getting her number last night and then letting it hang until the next day due to me falling asleep. But I'm just going to continue on with my day and see what happens.

Happy holidays and Happy New Year's are still things y'know ;) (I'm just giving you a hard time)
 
If you do text, and it starts getting deeper, tease her with it a little bit. With something like "Ask me when we're on our date 😉"

I'm not against texting, as that's the generation we live in, and most people text all the time around my age. If you feel she wants to text, text her. Just don't ever let it replace a date.
Nothing really, just keep the conversation going as much as possible (obviously don't talk with your mouth full) and think of a second thing to do if she or you wanna do something after eating.
Like ZackieCHan said, try to limit your texting until the date. In the beginning texting should only be for light banter and to set up logistics for the meetup. The idea is to not giver her too much away until the actual live interaction. Any good stories, jokes, save them for the date. You'd be crippling yourself having full blown text conversations before actual date; no one is infinitely interesting. She's already agreed to see you again, you don't have prove yourself over and over again.
So don't give away too much through texting leading up to the second date. Got it.
 
Spending Christmas alone this year.

Feeling really upset about it no matter how much I try not to be. It blows when the person you love most doesn't love you anymore and things like this are the result.
I know you're friends with several Chicago GAF members because I've seen pics in the picture thread in the past. Some Chicago GAF members would be willing to open their doors I imagine e.g. Kisaya unless they already have plans. And what happened to the brother you ran into a few weeks ago? Surely there a plenty of things to do in Chicago tonight like there always is here in NYC for the people who aren't spending it with family/friends.
 
So once you know she's reached the acceptance stage, you will take this opening to tell her how you feel. Again, you MUST make it clear; make no mistake, announcing how you feel is a double-edged sword. There is no turning back. Say: "X, these past few months, while being with you through this whole thing, I have learned so much about you and your family. What made you, you. The people that affected you in a positive light. I mean, I don't know what genes fused to produce your eyes, or that beautiful smile of yours. But I now have tangible evidence of what made you such a special friend. And I've seen that friend grow. I thought I was really helping you, but I felt more of an spectator. You are amazing. You are so much stronger now. And I gotta admit, I've fallen for this girl." You know, something to that effect.

Godspeed.

Thank you for the advice. That is the direction I was leaning toward, it's just that moment of not going back that I'm not looking forward to at all. Nice to have someone agree and give their thoughts.
 
She hasn't responded since Monday night (I assume she's busy with work), but from the sounds of things this will be a sort of casual double date between me, my mate, the girl and her friend (my mate and her are now dating).

I'm not going to get my hopes up, so I'll just show my intentions and play things somewhat cool.

Edit: Is it worth texting before, or should I just leave it?
Well the night went badly.

At first I thought it was fine, but me and her spoke in depth at the end and she said I was too quiet/shy/nice for her. She even kissed me after saying this! It's a fucking headache.

I feel absolutely terrible to be honest.
 
Well the night went badly.

At first I thought it was fine, but me and her spoke in depth at the end and she said I was too quiet/shy/nice for her. She even kissed me after saying this! It's a fucking headache.

I feel absolutely terrible to be honest.

It stings at first, but at least you know where you stand. Onto the next one!
 
Well the night went badly.

At first I thought it was fine, but me and her spoke in depth at the end and she said I was too quiet/shy/nice for her. She even kissed me after saying this! It's a fucking headache.

I feel absolutely terrible to be honest.

If she actually said that you dodged a bullet friend :P

No reason to feel bad though, sometimes it doesn't work out,
 
Spent the night hanging out with my friends, drinking wine and playing cards. Texting my co-worker/friend/quasi-love interest off and on. My ex also texted me tonight twice, looking to spark a conversation (including saying that her parents say hello), but we talked earlier today and I'll wait to reply until tomorrow -- with a standard Merry Christmas.

My friend also wants to set me up with her friend, who's back in town after New Year's. Girl's a hot law clerk of Persian descent. I'm down. Also have, at least in theory, an OKC date lined up after January 4th too.

I'm watching a romcom on Netflix now, and I'm enjoying my night. Huge improvement on how I suspected I'd feel.
 
I just meant during the date itself (thus the quip about talking with your mouth full). Yeah, texting should be kept to a reasonable minimum, of course.

My apologies, I misread your post. I hit reply and wrote a little too fast to notice.


Well the night went badly.

At first I thought it was fine, but me and her spoke in depth at the end and she said I was too quiet/shy/nice for her. She even kissed me after saying this! It's a fucking headache.

I feel absolutely terrible to be honest.

I've heard this before. You should take more risks; do & ask questions later. Women will respect you for it.

The short-term advice for this situation is, yes, onto the next one. But my advice is geared towards correcting the root of whatever went wrong here so it doesn't happen again. Otherwise this will happen again. You didn't provide details about the date, so here are some general points.

Even shy girls want a guy with a certain degree of dominance. For instance if you ask "Where do you want go eat tonight?" She'll answer:"I don't know". Do not ask again.

Her response is girl-talk for you decide. This is attractive, because decisiveness is attractive.

In a similar fashion, when in a date, do not ask questions, try to go for statements. So, if you'd like to change venues mid-date, or maybe you've really hit it off and want take her to your place, say "Let's get outta here.", and not "Do you want to get outta here?" She'll probably ask "Where to?" Then say: "It's a surprise." You don't sound shy to me.

Even further, a thing I've mentioned here before: non-sexual touching on the first date. Something as simple as lightly touching her lower back when opening a door for her. Touching her arms when she makes a joke (this is good twofold: your laugh is approval of her wit, and your touch induces comfort). Or touch her hair, preferably while complimenting it. So on and so forth.

The guy that does the above doesn't sound shy or too nice to me. Sounds like the guy has a plan, doesn't mind touching and is decisive. Qualities which you may very well have, but didn't demonstrate.


Spent the night hanging out with my friends, drinking wine and playing cards. Texting my co-worker/friend/quasi-love interest off and on. My ex also texted me tonight twice, looking to spark a conversation (including saying that her parents say hello), but we talked earlier today and I'll wait to reply until tomorrow -- with a standard Merry Christmas.

My friend also wants to set me up with her friend, who's back in town after New Year's. Girl's a hot law clerk of Persian descent. I'm down. Also have, at least in theory, an OKC date lined up after January 4th too.

I'm watching a romcom on Netflix now, and I'm enjoying my night. Huge improvement on how I suspected I'd feel.

This is how a modern man should date. This is otherwise called living in abundance. Kudos.
 
I'm not sure why my ex texted me to tell me merry Christmas. I know she had to unblock my number for this. we talked for a little bit but I think it's over with now.

I was flooded with emotions and wanted to ask her if she wanted to get together before breaks over but I knew that probably wasn't going to work. she was just being nice I'm sure.
 
So super nervous about this date next week. Not sure how to actually go on a "date" with someone seeing how I was just in a normal do nothing relationship where we just hung out and crap and never went out...
 
I'm not sure why my ex texted me to tell me merry Christmas. I know she had to unblock my number for this. we talked for a little bit but I think it's over with now.

I was flooded with emotions and wanted to ask her if she wanted to get together before breaks over but I knew that probably wasn't going to work. she was just being nice I'm sure.

She didn't need to unblock you and she didn't need to be nice. She has her reasoning other then being just nice (could be curiosity though). Play it cool.

How ex are we talking about?
 
She didn't need to unblock you and she didn't need to be nice. She has her reasoning other then being just nice (could be curiosity though). Play it cool.

How ex are we talking about?

We struck up a little conversation, just asking how each other's family was and how I hope she has a good birthday on New Years. I learned from our last conversation, when she blocked me, that I need to change my communication. I kept my texts to simple, friendly topics and nothing too mushy. She ended it by saying "goodbye Daria, have a good day!" If it matters for anything, she was the first to say "I'm glad you're doing well". She told me she "thinks" she's doing ok.

This ex is the most recent one, which was also long distance. she broke up over text after our last weekend together when we started arguing over one of us stupid petty topics.
 
We struck up a little conversation, just asking how each other's family was and how I hope she has a good birthday on New Years. I learned from our last conversation, when she blocked me, that I need to change my communication. I kept my texts to simple, friendly topics and nothing too mushy. She ended it by saying "goodbye Daria, have a good day!" If it matters for anything, she was the first to say "I'm glad you're doing well". She told me she "thinks" she's doing ok.

This ex is the most recent one, which was also long distance. she broke up over text after our last weekend together when we started arguing over one of us stupid petty topics.

Like Nilaul said, she didn't have to be nice. She unblocked and messaged you for a reason. And you know, coincidentally, this happened to me today as well.

A girl I broke up with texted me today to wish me Merry Christmas. I haven't spoken to her in about 3 months. We officially broke up 6 months ago, but we "kept in touch" for 2 or so, but then the things that made me break things off with her in the first place started seeping through again. I made it final then and there.

There's a thing about rejection that women simply can't handle well. I assume it is because they haven't been trained to endure it like guys are.

So, I imagine your ex, just like mine, are doing one of two things: (1) she is lonelier during Christmas than she thought she'd be and she's trying to figure out if you are as lonely (or more) as she is; or (2) she's genuinely curious about your well-being and is trying to become friends.

You could say I may have a high chance of number 2 applying to me seeing how I broke up with her. Well, I'd still bet my car and my left nut it's number one. And since in your case, she broke up with you (over text, no less), your chances of it being number 1 are through the roof.

So, be polite, but keep your texts short take and longer to respond. And for the love of god do not attempt to reignite things. She's probably doing all of this for her own self validation. Again, who breaks up with someone over text?!

She told me she "thinks" she's doing ok.

tumblr_nsmxfqI3bd1qkko3bo1_400.gif


My ex baked me a Brownie for Christmas.I'm also dating a co-worker. This feels so freaking weird.

Ex misses you. What you must determine is if she misses your physical company or emotional. One of these should determine your level of investment in this. If its the former, you may engage; keep communication short and try to gauge the reasoning for her actions. Otherwise, does her tone imply "I miss what we had"? Then proceed, but make it known you're not looking to officially get back together. Whatever broke things off in the first place is bound to come back.

As for the other thing. Do not date a coworker. I repeat, do not date a co-worker. (I know you're going to do it anyway, as I once did despite numerous warnings from friends. I just want to let you know it may or may not end well.)
 
It stings at first, but at least you know where you stand. Onto the next one!

If she actually said that you dodged a bullet friend :P

No reason to feel bad though, sometimes it doesn't work out,

I've heard this before. You should take more risks; do & ask questions later. Women will respect you for it.

The short-term advice for this situation is, yes, onto the next one. But my advice is geared towards correcting the root of whatever went wrong here so it doesn't happen again. Otherwise this will happen again. You didn't provide details about the date, so here are some general points.

Even shy girls want a guy with a certain degree of dominance. For instance if you ask "Where do you want go eat tonight?" She'll answer:"I don't know". Do not ask again.

Her response is girl-talk for you decide. This is attractive, because decisiveness is attractive.

In a similar fashion, when in a date, do not ask questions, try to go for statements. So, if you'd like to change venues mid-date, or maybe you've really hit it off and want take her to your place, say "Let's get outta here.", and not "Do you want to get outta here?" She'll probably ask "Where to?" Then say: "It's a surprise." You don't sound shy to me.

Even further, a thing I've mentioned here before: non-sexual touching on the first date. Something as simple as lightly touching her lower back when opening a door for her. Touching her arms when she makes a joke (this is good twofold: your laugh is approval of her wit, and your touch induces comfort). Or touch her hair, preferably while complimenting it. So on and so forth.

The guy that does the above doesn't sound shy or too nice to me. Sounds like the guy has a plan, doesn't mind touching and is decisive. Qualities which you may very well have, but didn't demonstrate.
Cheers guys.

I should've been more clear, but when I wrote that I was on my phone/drunk.

It was never really a date per se in the end, but more of an evening out with her friends and one of mine.

For the majority of the night things had been going great I thought. I was talkative, confident and touchy (I had my arm around her at times). The conversation (or at least I thought) flowed well and we even briefly kissed as well in the bar. The vibes I got felt good, which only increased my confidence further. Things however seemed to fall apart when she came back from smoking. She came back inside with a guy, so maybe something happened? Whatever the case her attitude had just completely changed.

When it all started to feel a little off I had just decided to go for it and tell her I like her (perhaps a stupid move?), which wasn't really met as well as I had hoped. We had a pretty long chat outside for a bit where she was telling me how quiet I was and how I'm not suited for her. She then went in for another kiss at the end, which really just threw me off. Is it to spite me? Fuck with my head? Maybe she just wanted to fuck? I don’t get it.

I admit I am shy and quiet at times, but that’s only because it takes me a while to open up with anyone. I can't help it. Perhaps the confidence boost I've had recently plus my quietness makes me initially more intriguing? I don't know.

My head is a fucking mess.
 
Help me GAF, I need help!
Some background: I saw this girl on the bus I take everyday to get to work, but I saw her like 2 times in a month. At first, I thought she was sleeping at her bf home, since we live in a small town and it would be surprising not knowing her.
After asking around, I managed to know her name, and surprisingly, she lives like 100mt away from where I live.
Now I want to know her, problem is I can't meet her on a regular basis, and probably I won't see her till February, since she studies at university and lessons are over now until then.
A common friend gave me her number and stated she is single, but I don't know if I should write her. Everyone is pushing me to write, but I resisted because yesterday was Christmas and it doesn't sound right to write a person on these days.
Should I write her?
 
Help me GAF, I need help!
Some background: I saw this girl on the bus I take everyday to get to work, but I saw her like 2 times in a month. At first, I thought she was sleeping at her bf home, since we live in a small town and it would be surprising not knowing her.
After asking around, I managed to know her name, and surprisingly, she lives like 100mt away from where I live.
Now I want to know her, problem is I can't meet her on a regular basis, and probably I won't see her till February, since she studies at university and lessons are over now until then.
A common friend gave me her number and stated she is single, but I don't know if I should write her. Everyone is pushing me to write, but I resisted because yesterday was Christmas and it doesn't sound right to write a person on these days.
Should I write her?

I had the same kind of crush. Never spoke to her though and now she doenst take that route to whateversheworkswith anymore.

Seize the moment.
 
Help me GAF, I need help!
Some background: I saw this girl on the bus I take everyday to get to work, but I saw her like 2 times in a month. At first, I thought she was sleeping at her bf home, since we live in a small town and it would be surprising not knowing her.
After asking around, I managed to know her name, and surprisingly, she lives like 100mt away from where I live.
Now I want to know her, problem is I can't meet her on a regular basis, and probably I won't see her till February, since she studies at university and lessons are over now until then.
A common friend gave me her number and stated she is single, but I don't know if I should write her. Everyone is pushing me to write, but I resisted because yesterday was Christmas and it doesn't sound right to write a person on these days.
Should I write her?

If you do, please state how and why you have her number lol. Last thing someone needs for christmas is living in fear of a crazy creepy stalker :D Also, don'T forget she probably doesn't know how you look like, and who you are, which might probably be a reason for her to never text back.
Why not try to organize some meetup together with your common friend, he could just invite you guys to something, or to go out, no?
 
If you do, please state how and why you have her number lol. Last thing someone needs for christmas is living in fear of a crazy creepy stalker :D Also, don'T forget she probably doesn't know how you look like, and who you are, which might probably be a reason for her to never text back.
Why not try to organize some meetup together with your common friend, he could just invite you guys to something, or to go out, no?

I agree with Buf. Get the friend to organise a meetup you'll both be at. If I got a text from a random dude I'd freak out.
 
GAF, I'm noticing a pattern. The girls I get most interested in (and the girls I'm most successful with) all see shadow people. They all have a "sensitivity" towards the paranormal. I'm not complaining, but why? I've started talking to yet another one.
 
If you do, please state how and why you have her number lol. Last thing someone needs for christmas is living in fear of a crazy creepy stalker :D Also, don'T forget she probably doesn't know how you look like, and who you are, which might probably be a reason for her to never text back.
Why not try to organize some meetup together with your common friend, he could just invite you guys to something, or to go out, no?
The common friend doesn't hang out with her since years, but I'd prefer that too.
And btw, I added her on facebook a couple of weeks ago and she accepted my request, so she kinda know who I am
 
I agree with Buf. Get the friend to organise a meetup you'll both be at. If I got a text from a random dude I'd freak out.
Yeah I know, that's why I didn't write her, I would feel like a creep.
If I have to, I probably first contact our common friend and tell her to ask to the girl if I can have her number, at least if she's okay with that I wouldn't pop out of nowhere.
 
I find the whole thing kind of weird. Maybe contact her on FB?

I know, it does sound weird. But I don't like to message people on facebook, my first option is to meet her directly, I hoped for a month to see her again on the bus, but she never showed up <.<
And she accepted my friend request like 2 weeks later, so she probably doesn't use fb that much.
I will probably ask to our mutual friend to arrange something...
 
Cheers guys.

I should've been more clear, but when I wrote that I was on my phone/drunk.

It was never really a date per se in the end, but more of an evening out with her friends and one of mine.

For the majority of the night things had been going great I thought. I was talkative, confident and touchy (I had my arm around her at times). The conversation (or at least I thought) flowed well and we even briefly kissed as well in the bar. The vibes I got felt good, which only increased my confidence further. Things however seemed to fall apart when she came back from smoking. She came back inside with a guy, so maybe something happened? Whatever the case her attitude had just completely changed.

When it all started to feel a little off I had just decided to go for it and tell her I like her (perhaps a stupid move?), which wasn't really met as well as I had hoped. We had a pretty long chat outside for a bit where she was telling me how quiet I was and how I'm not suited for her. She then went in for another kiss at the end, which really just threw me off. Is it to spite me? Fuck with my head? Maybe she just wanted to fuck? I don’t get it.

I admit I am shy and quiet at times, but that’s only because it takes me a while to open up with anyone. I can't help it. Perhaps the confidence boost I've had recently plus my quietness makes me initially more intriguing? I don't know.

My head is a fucking mess.

Some girls/people just can't deal with ANY silence, and if you're a naturally quiet person you don't wanna deal with them anyway. (not saying this is the case based on what you wrote).

Something might've happened with the guy, or you were imagining it, and I think your behavior after that might have come across as a bit needy and reactive (saying "I like you" probably too soon, etc.), which might have killed it. (Some women will completely cool off at the slightest hint of needy behavior regardless of how well things are going otherwise). She probably used "too quiet" as an excuse after that regardless of how true it was.
 
GAF, I'm noticing a pattern. The girls I get most interested in (and the girls I'm most successful with) all see shadow people. They all have a "sensitivity" towards the paranormal. I'm not complaining, but why? I've started talking to yet another one.

O-o

I know, it does sound weird. But I don't like to message people on facebook, my first option is to meet her directly, I hoped for a month to see her again on the bus, but she never showed up <.<
And she accepted my friend request like 2 weeks later, so she probably doesn't use fb that much.
I will probably ask to our mutual friend to arrange something...

You might not want to contact her via FB but that's honestly the best way. Then she's most likely to know who you are, other than a random text message from a random number which you got from someone that hasn't hung with her for years. The latter's just creepy.
 
O-o



You might not want to contact her via FB but that's honestly the best way. Then she's most likely to know who you are, other than a random text message from a random number which you got from someone that hasn't hung with her for years. The latter's just creepy.

Right, I agree. At least there's a face to go along with the name!
 
When it all started to feel a little off I had just decided to go for it and tell her I like her (perhaps a stupid move?)
Honestly, this is something that should NEVER be done unless you're already in a relationship and want to take it to that next stage. Telling a girl you like her is always a shitty move if you're not already dating her. Here's why:

1. It makes it seem like you're already emotionally invested
2. Places pressure on the girl (nobody likes pressure)
3. Makes things go from casual to serious very quickly

IMO, it should be at the very top of the DON'T FUCKING DO THIS list. The best way to tell a girl you like her? Just ask her out and be flirty. Same shit. Girls aren't stupid, they'll get the message.

In your case, she just didn't like you from the start. She probably reciprocated your touching because she wanted to avoid an awkward situation. FWIW, I am friends with a girl who once dated a guy for weeks because she was too shy to reject him. People succumb to pressure sometimes, it happens.

This particular situation confuses me, however. You've admitted to being shy and the girl in question also called you shy. But you said you flirted with her? I hope your flirting wasn't half-shy-half-confident? That may have been awkward for her. Maybe you can shed some light on the situation?

Here's the other thing. You said you had your hand your arm around her, right? Don't do that. That's not the kind of flirting you want to do, that's shit couples do. You want to go for brief touching and use your eyes to convey interest. You want to have a strong gaze. Very important.

Lastly, a general tip for you. I don't know you personally but I have definitely followed your progress here with great interest. I have a feeling, and please correct me if I'm wrong, that you drink more to compensate for your shyness. Don't hit on girls while drunk. It makes you do dumb things, doesn't help when analyzing body language, and doesn't allow you to become comfortable with girls naturally. You don't want to rely on alcohol. Again, please correct me (and forgive me) if I'm wrong. This is just an assumption of mine.

Let us know what's up!
 
A year ago I made this post in the confessions thread:

I'm a 29 year old virgin who has never went on a date once.

I had a lot of friends and many of them were athletes/popular guys since I was really into sports and weightlifting. I thought this would eventually translate into some kind of female interest but nope. I was the odd man out and eventually I gave up. It seemed like in the circles, the guys would pair up with the girls but the girls left over would just pursue other guys or wait in the wings for relationships to break up so they could go in. I tried but at best, the girls were just polite to me because since I was good friends with their friend's boyfriends. In the end, I just focused on having fun with my friends and I had a very good time.

In college, I assumed this would be solved but nope. Again, I had a lot of friends but no girls ever showed any interest in me. Again, I'd make attempts but it never went anywhere with anyone. So I'd keep my head down, focus on homework, working out, and hanging out with friends.

Since I graduated, I've been working my ass off, getting up to management level and making very good money (six figures). Still, no women. I have no trouble talking to girls but it seems like when push comes to shove, no interest. At this point I've considered giving up because I can't imagine an adult woman wanting to play sexual catch-up. I dress very nice, take very good care of myself, and have various ambitions life but it hasn't translated to any sexual interest.

It isn't that bad. I'm debt free, do very well, like my job, can do whatever I want (except for the women part lol) and I'm pretty happy. It's just this giant hole in my existence. It seems like I'm at the now or never stage in things, although I suspect that I reached that point almost a decade earlier, going with the latter option.

I have to say in the year since, there has been absolutely no progress whatsoever.

I made a conscious effort this year to be more sociable and try to go on at least one date. No such luck. I had a lot of good times though so I can't say it was a total loss. However as I look back on the past year, it got extremely frustrating at times.

I think the biggest issue is that I have no idea how to pursue any girl sexually. I just don't understand it. I feel I need to note that I get along well with women in the workplace. As a manager, there are four women who report to me and we get along well. My boss is also a woman and again, we get along great. I don't think it is a matter of being afraid of women at all or else I'd be stumbling around here as well.

To continue from the last paragraph, I just don't understand the social cues for this kind of thing. How do I know if a woman is just being friendly? I don't want to be one of those guys who interprets any type of friendliness as sexual interest. I understand the concept of just trying anyway, even if you get shot down but it seems to me that I should have some base understanding or else I won't have any luck at all, which is the situation I'm in now.
 
A year ago I made this post in the confessions thread:



I have to say in the year since, there has been absolutely no progress whatsoever.

I made a conscious effort this year to be more sociable and try to go on at least one date. No such luck. I had a lot of good times though so I can't say it was a total loss. However as I look back on the past year, it got extremely frustrating at times.

I think the biggest issue is that I have no idea how to pursue any girl sexually. I just don't understand it. I feel I need to note that I get along well with women in the workplace. As a manager, there are four women who report to me and we get along well. My boss is also a woman and again, we get along great. I don't think it is a matter of being afraid of women at all or else I'd be stumbling around here as well.

To continue from the last paragraph, I just don't understand the social cues for this kind of thing. How do I know if a woman is just being friendly? I don't want to be one of those guys who interprets any type of friendliness as sexual interest. I understand the concept of just trying anyway, even if you get shot down but it seems to me that I should have some base understanding or else I won't have any luck at all, which is the situation I'm in now.

For me, it's easiest to interpret social cues in an environment you're already comfortable in. I like going to bars, but I'm not as comfortable randomly approaching women and getting shot down because I don't spend a lot of time in bars so I'm not as good at telling if a girl is making eyes at me or not. On the other hand, I have absolutely no problem going on an online dating site and shooting off messages to different random women that I'm attracted to on there, because a) I'm a writer and b) it's an "environment" I'm comfortable in - I've been flirting with women online through messenger since high school. So I'd say first of all make sure if you're looking for women to date, be in an environment you're comfortable and happy in - you can be successful, look good, and have everything in your life sorted, and still have women not be interested just because you're giving off vibes that you're not in the zone.

For example, at the beginning of this year my friends and I hosted a party at our apartment - I'm much more relaxed in a social, party atmosphere than a loud, bar one. And one of my friend's friend showed up at the party and it was very obvious to me (a guy who also sometimes has an awful time picking up social cues) that this girl was into me. She kept making me a part of her conversation (or joining mine), kept touching me (hand on shoulder, hand on leg), and was laughing at every joke I told. The way you can tell the difference between friendly and sexual interest is the way a girl physically handles herself around you. If there's lots of physical contact (even in a non-sexual way) it's definitely interest. And I was able to pick up on the obvious signals because I was already relaxed and not "looking" for a girl, and at the same time I also probably got the girl's interest because I was relaxed.

As another tip, even if you've got a date with a girl it can be hard to interpret signals so sometimes it's just important to be direct and go for it. I went on two dates with a girl this summer and there was no physical contact, and she was checking her phone a lot and I thought for sure she wasn't interested because to me she came across as bored out of her mind. But she met me for a third date so I decided "fuck it, I'm kissing her this time." And I did, and later that same day she contacted me wanting to come to my apartment for the next "date," which we spent the entire time in my bedroom. So a situation I thought I had no chance in was completely turned on its head because I made the first move and didn't beat around the bush.

For the record, this is advice coming from a guy similar in age to you who hasn't had a lot of sexual experience. Before this year I had about a five year dry spell without any dates, but this year alone I've had the same amount of sexual partners I've had for the entire rest of my life. Just because you haven't had any luck yet doesn't mean it's not right around the corner with a little effort on your part. Focusing on yourself is a good start, because if you're not happy with yourself you're not going to have any luck anywhere else - but at the same time, it's not going to do you any good if you're not looking in places where you're comfortable.

Also, don't be afraid to tap your friends for help. Make it known you're looking and you'd be surprised what opportunities might pop up, either through blind dates or friends of friends.
 
Finally got the chance to ask my co-worker out and did so. We agreed for a coffee on Sunday, which was the best day considering Christmas and our work schedules. We'll see how it goes. In reality, we don't know much about each other, besides some joking around at work, so it's going to be even more interesting I guess.

She was really nervous and surprised when I talked to her. To the point where she thought it was some prank. lmao But yeah, just ask her out boys!!!

Looks like it's not happening tomorrow. When I talked to her I said for her to give me her phone number, but we were in the workplace and couldn't leave at the time to plan things better - we only agreed for Sunday. Today was the only day before tomorrow (Sunday) where we were working at the same time. The thing is, she came to my department to talk to me a bit after her shift ended but, for some reason, only said something that I already knew about a request from a client, and I was in a hurry to take care of it. When I finished what I was doing and had the time to talk, she had gone already.

So yeah, it's not gonna be tomorrow. I guess my options now are to talk to her on Monday and plan things better and ask her to give me the her phone number right away?
 
I know, it does sound weird. But I don't like to message people on facebook, my first option is to meet her directly, I hoped for a month to see her again on the bus, but she never showed up <.<
And she accepted my friend request like 2 weeks later, so she probably doesn't use fb that much.
I will probably ask to our mutual friend to arrange something...

Do not message her. You must meet her first. In case your friend can't arrange something, be direct and show interest when you see her. Stop beating around the bush. There's nothing fantastical about liking someone; just directly imply it by inviting her for coffee.

This seem to be a common thread here as you'll see...


As you've suggested, you seem to be smart, in good shape, and with a six figures salary that supports a lifestyle of interests and hobbies. Oh my. No mention about looks, but the following analysis will focus on the following points assuming you're, ahem, reasonable in the looks department.

I made a conscious effort this year to be more sociable and try to go on at least one date. No such luck. I had a lot of good times though so I can't say it was a total loss. However as I look back on the past year, it got extremely frustrating at times.

Being sociable is not what determines your success in the dating game. Seduction does. Being sociable is all about making people love themselves so they make like you for it. Seduction, in the other hand, is loving yourself enough that'd you'd want others to join in, and be surprised--and yet unmoved--when it doesn't happen. You have not employed these qualities yet.

I think the biggest issue is that I have no idea how to pursue any girl sexually. I just don't understand it. I feel I need to note that I get along well with women in the workplace. As a manager, there are four women who report to me and we get along well. My boss is also a woman and again, we get along great. I don't think it is a matter of being afraid of women at all or else I'd be stumbling around here as well.

Now that's the elephant in the room. In a effort to keep this short (yeah, right), you must first understand what women want. Most important one is confidence. Confidence in your own value.

I don't think you believe in your own value. Do you know what made the greats great? It wasn't because the were inherently humble about their greatness. Oh, they knew it alright. They just knew what to do with the information. Does Mike Tyson need to yell he will unhinge your jaw you if you mess with him? Or does he already know and lets his actions speak for himself? When your actions speaks louder than your words, especially if those words are none, then you're considered humble. But you never not know, do you? Because not knowing is impossible.

So, with that in mind, when you approach a girl, you need to know your value. (And yes, you approach a girl with a romantic intent, you do not beat around the bush by befriending her). So you are smart, interesting, financially stable and (ok?) looking. Why should a girl date you? For your money? Not necessarily. Girls should date you because you inherently know your own value; whether that value is made by your looks, your assets, or your social confidence is irrelevant.

There's a reason why girls dislike guys that boast about their money, and yet like (or would appreciate) a guy that is indeed financially stable. It's not about the information, but how its presented.

On the flip side, there's a reason women are intrinsically attracted to narcissistic men. It's almost toxic: "Well he's so assured of himself, there must be a reason." In their road to uncovering this reason (through dating) they find out they were mostly right, and then they decide to stick with you (especially of you don't make a big deal of it all).

I can give you practical examples of this at work, but it will do no good if you don't believe it yourself.

You are afraid of rejection. You are afraid to show romantic interests. You've been sociable with women, but you've yet to seduce one. You probably believe in the friend-turned-girlfriend fantasy. Am I close?

Getting girls is actually not hard at all. The reason it is hard is because our ego is at risk. The idea is to fortify your ego through your accomplishments so that clear romantic approaches can be made. The whole point of my post is that, according your posts, you've reached your accomplishments, but you're still afraid to be direct about what you want. And, as natural selection would have it, that's precisely what women don't find particularly attractive.


To continue from the last paragraph, I just don't understand the social cues for this kind of thing. How do I know if a woman is just being friendly? I don't want to be one of those guys who interprets any type of friendliness as sexual interest. I understand the concept of just trying anyway, even if you get shot down but it seems to me that I should have some base understanding or else I won't have any luck at all, which is the situation I'm in now.

Sure, there are body language cues, but it's all a waste of your time. Are you really going to be looking for every girl that is playing with her hair, whose pupils are dilated, whose feet are pointed towards you, etc.? Every woman you interact with would rather you be in the moment, not doing mental calculation while trying to be witty.

You are going to be rejected. You cannot avoid this. You must know your value and understand half of the population's genetic code tells them to hide their interest in front of the guy they like so that, indeed, he makes the first move. So, always err on the side of too much confidence.
 
Looks like it's not happening tomorrow. When I talked to her I said for her to give me her phone number, but we were in the workplace and couldn't leave at the time to plan things better - we only agreed for Sunday. Today was the only day before tomorrow (Sunday) where we were working at the same time. The thing is, she came to my department to talk to me a bit after her shift ended but, for some reason, only said something that I already knew about a request from a client, and I was in a hurry to take care of it. When I finished what I was doing and had the time to talk, she had gone already.

So yeah, it's not gonna be tomorrow. I guess my options now are to talk to her on Monday and plan things better and ask her to give me the her phone number right away?

I was confused for minute there. So you never go her number?

If so, then that's good. She came to you so you could lay out the logistics for her. I'm actually willing to bet she knew you were already aware of the information she went to deliver to you. However, you were in work mode and didn't get the hint.

This is good though. This means she tried--in her own pedestrian way--to plan this out. Her taking interest in arranging this thing, means she's hopeful about the encounter, all which is positive.

It's funny, even when she has agreed to go out with you, she still won't make the first move to plan the date; she still needs you to make the move! Guys often fail because they are never sure whether they should, and all most girls want is for you to do it already.

So get her number on Monday. When you talk/text, keep it light & short. Focus on the logistics of the date: when, how and where. Also, do NOT apologize for not making it happen on Sunday. Try to schedule it as soon as possible.
 
texted the Tinder girl earlier and ended up getting a "[..] yeah! that would be fun" to lunch sometimes and then it hit a wall. I'm guessing my pushy response of asking where about she stays and that I'll find a place if she doesn't have a favorite is what drove to the no response.

though I could give it overnight but it's weird when 2-5 minute reply times turn into hours with some topics .?.
 
texted the Tinder girl earlier and ended up getting a "[..] yeah! that would be fun" to lunch sometimes and then it hit a wall. I'm guessing my pushy response of asking where about she stays and that I'll find a place if she doesn't have a favorite is what drove to the no response.

though I could give it overnight but it's weird when 2-5 minute reply times turn into hours with some topics .?.

This is normal. I always ask what area of town a girl will be coming from and try to select a place that isn't clear across the city. I've never had a problem with it. Sometimes people just get busy and don't respond right away. It's normal.
 
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