I definitely see what you're saying, and I sort of agree with it. Maybe we are dating, I dunno really. Perhaps the source of my confusion is that other girls I've dated have been in a more traditional sense, i.e. coffee, dinners, movies, walks in the parks etc. This girl has only been at my place, although we have done some 'activities' it's mostly around cuddling and sex.
Well, the activities don't change the nature of the relationship. The real, original purpose of dating someone is to know them intimately, both physically and interpersonally. You do this with 1 or more people, possibly at the same time, until you decide on which one you'd like to be exclusive with, and then you'd make it known to all parties if that's the case.
I also see what you're saying with the exclusivity part. You say I need to evoke emotions - what concrete things can I do? Are you referring to more romantic activities (which I'm at a loss of what to do, never done that really) or something else? Or just keep seeing her and see what happens?
You would need to tap into what she is looking for in a guy. I can't tell you what that is exactly, as it will vary from girl to girl. I do know though, that girls want what they can't have. So a few things do remain constant.
You see, she already slept with you (hopefully more than once). Which means she's attracted in how you look. But with women that's not enough. You have to give and take, give and take. For instance, cook for her and have a nice romantic dinner. Have her talk as much as possible, look intently, and look interested. Ask her: "What's your favorite memory?" An let her carry the conversation. Once you've reached a small lull in the conversation, take a nice gulp of your drink, almost implying that's the last one, then take hers away; mere seconds after her sip. Lower your voice, and talk softly. Tell her you find her X feature mesmerizing. Kiss her passionately, then swiftly take her to the bed room and make her orgasm multiple times (cunnilingus helps).
Then disappear!
Reduce contact, and seem busier with life. She will crave the connection you two had. She will crave how you made her go through that (positive) emotional roller coaster. That is something very difficult for girls to replicate with some random guy, even if attractive. You demonstrated you were genuinely interested in her, her stories, her beauty, and in her physical satisfaction. And you did it all from a place of confidence. What more does a woman want?
The thing is, if you are truly That Guy™--so in tune with her emotionally as well as physically--
then other women must want you too. (Law: women are attracted to men other women are attracted to.)
In fact, you
should be dating other girls. And she should know (factually or vaguely) that other women pursue you. She needs to understand that the emotional and physical connection you two had is at risk if she doesn't secure you soon enough. Then she'll want to have the talk you so much hear in TV that usually starts with the following question:
"So, where is this relationship going?"
You'll answer this how you see fit.
But not doing the above and simply initiating the The Talk yourself, will get you a "What have you done for
me lately?" in a nicely wrapped: "
I'm not there yet."
You also say she understands what kind of relationship this is. What kind of relationship is it?
You're a guy she is
seeing. That's how she would describe you to one of her friends that doesn't know you. That's how you should describe her as well. (Seeing=dating.)
Well, she finally texted back. She mentioned to my friends any good Indian restaurants around the area. I told her I'm going to take her to an Indian restaurant.
So she texts back finally saying she's getting a filling( which she did say). I'll ask Tuesday since I think she's off.
Sigh. I think this'll be the last date where I'm the one doing all the work. Even though she's relatively new, im going to tell her to figure out something we can do. That way the ball is in her court.
If not, then I dunno. I'll just not talk to her anymore.
LOL, I've written 2 essays worth of advice for you Jason. I told you, you missed your chance. I will just let you report back, though. I would love to be wrong about this.
(And in the rare chance I'm wrong about this, I at least hope the difference was made by our advice, because the way you were originally going surely wasn't going anywhere.)
Do keep us updated!
Just moved here not too long ago, pretty small town, bowling is pretty much all to do here. There's some other stuff like this 1 time painting class thing, but it's like 30 mins away and I'm not sure if it screams first date.
I think I'm starting to overthink things now. One of my girl friends says coffee or ice cream should be fine lol, but she's been with her guy since high school. Not sure if I should take her word when it comes to dating.
Her advice is not relevant. She wan't working with her BF.
Not sure I want to at this point. If she says no I'm about to roll with, " no problem, I understand" or some shit. Was gonna ask her yesterday, but yet again, extremely busy day where she was never alone. We continue to make eye contact which makes me think I'm sort just letting this drag on. Kind of want to ask and just move on. I think ice cream and bowling sound ok for a first date, no?
If you are not worried about plausible deniability, then yes, like I said in my first reply, I'd simply go with a direct approach. Just invite her coffee. (I recommend drinks, but can understand if you're not old enough).
And eye contact is a very good measurement of interest. She probably wants you to make the move, man. Do it.
