Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.
- Thread starter Septimius
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She didn't care. She left you behind on the 17th. It sucks you didn't get an apology, but you're owed nothing in this game. Once someone makes it clear there's no more dating, work on moving on. Anything else...revenge, "the last word"...is just wasting your time.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
And I thought I was bad after three dates. LOL.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
Text her asking if she's into the booty eating Renaissance.
ZackieChan
Member
No one is "out of your league." Get over that kind of thinking.
Girl that stood me up for coffee texted me about five hours later. "Sorry! My phone died. Text me. 123-456-7890." I'm like o shit ok, text her, she says "hey 
" on iMessage, I ask if she's free tomorrow, she goes dark again lol.
I guess I'll see if she replies tomorrow. ¯_(ツ
_/¯
On another note I sadly had a moment of shyness and didn't ask the girl sitting next to me in Clinical Psych for her number. She's cute as hell tho and we talked a bit during class (obviously not much because of the lecture lol), I'm gonna ask her for contact info on Tuesday if I find a seat next to her again and ask if she wants to get coffee after class. Not gonna mess up again. 🙏🙏🙏
" on iMessage, I ask if she's free tomorrow, she goes dark again lol.I guess I'll see if she replies tomorrow. ¯_(ツ
_/¯ On another note I sadly had a moment of shyness and didn't ask the girl sitting next to me in Clinical Psych for her number. She's cute as hell tho and we talked a bit during class (obviously not much because of the lecture lol), I'm gonna ask her for contact info on Tuesday if I find a seat next to her again and ask if she wants to get coffee after class. Not gonna mess up again. 🙏🙏🙏
Gotdatmoney
Member
It's shit like this that make it impossible to be straight with people. Like fuck her, what she did was a bit ruthless . . . okay, now what the fuck justifies the last 3 texts? Jesus man, just because someone wrongs you doesn't justify going emotional psycho on them.
This is why I suggest people go ghost. Cause people just can't handle an L.
Aight neat she replied while I was sleeping saying she's free and asked if I was too. Suggested getting coffee around 5:30, right after I finish work.
If I like her I'll invite her to this party I'm going to tomorrow.
Dude what
If I like her I'll invite her to this party I'm going to tomorrow.
Dude what
Sorry dude, you are the one in the wrong here. She made her choice, tell her your feelings once, and move on. Shit is hard but you gotta let it go.
I hate to agree with this but women basically have to learn how to lie on the spot and other avoidancy behaviours to protect themselves because there is that, 10% we'll say, that give them reasons to. Kevtones, you sound really bitter. I hope you calm down and move on from this. It's best not to hold on to the whys and whynots. At some point, you clashed or things weren't vibing with her (maybe even for personal reasons she is not close enough to tell you) and she began to withdraw and end it in a way that she felt comfortable and safe. She felt the need to keep you at arm's length.
Halcyon
Member
I went out on a date with a woman I thought was out of my league and now we're married and she's having my baby.
So I agree with this.
ZackieChan
Member
Yep, I've gone out with women that I definitely thought this about. Had them giggling and feeling shy while talking to them, and realized that I am out of THEIR league
I second this motion. A girl I thought was out of my league was flirting with me, and I thought of it as nothing more than fun and games, untill one night she outright asked why I never acted on her signals. Told her the truth, she smiled, gave me a long, intense kiss, and told me that noone is out of anybody's league.
n64coder
Member
So I understand that you had been together for about 2-3 months and then she dumped you on the 16th. Were there any warning signs prior to that? How did she dump you? Did you have a conversation or was it over text?
Anyway, as others have said, she is in her right to change her mind. It sucks but you have to move on.
Krauser Kat
Member
i need help guys.
A super cute girl thats a computer programmer sent me this in regards to hanging out again...
xn N n n n n n n n nn.n.nxn.N.X.n
what does this mean... im trying to use my google fu but im failing.
A super cute girl thats a computer programmer sent me this in regards to hanging out again...
xn N n n n n n n n nn.n.nxn.N.X.n
what does this mean... im trying to use my google fu but im failing.
Royal_Phalanx
Member
I need to move out ASAP.
MisterRoboto
Member
ask her? Make a joke about you having no idea what that means but you're gonna assume it's a yes.
BravesCountry
Banned
Speaking of ghosting, I believe I am being ghosted by the cigarette girl I mentioned in previous posts...
We met on tinder and over the course of a month and a half went on several dates, had several passion-filled nights that lasted into the hours of the morning, talked or texted at least once every single day often more, and had been keeping up with each other once a day over our individual breaks after we both left ny. The last time we text, its a long back and forth fun conversation during christmas and everything is completely normal, the last text I ever get from her is a picture of a pair of socks she got. Haven't heard from her since. A few days after christmas, day of her trip I wished her safe travels on a family trip to africa because I didnt hear from her before she left, and planned to leave it at that not expecting a response. But then I accidentally drunk texted her happy new years and my friend had taken my phone 10 minutes later and texted loser after that since the text wasn't sending and he thought it would be funny (fucking hell), but they sent the next day. I gave a lighthearted explanation and left it at that, and said would love to hear about the trip when she gets back.
A week after new years I ask if she is back yet even though I know she can communicate bc my texts from the Jan 1 say they are delivered and she had updated her facebook profile on the 3rd and responded to comments on it every hour that day...I wasn't even planning on texting her during her trip but the new years thing really might have fucked things up. I feel like an idiot and that that one text could have gave her the wrong impression that I was mad or something, but I don't think that alone should be a deal breaker or anything...I didn't even send it, explained myself and I had literally 0 reason to be mad at her and had shown myself to be very understanding before (she accidentally slept through a night she was supposed to come over once and I didn't make a big deal out of it, just brought it up once the next day very quickly, said it wasn't a big deal, and we had another amazing night together that day). I check tinder the other day and she is gone off of my match list...but I'm not blocked on facebook or anything. She may have blocked my number, I have no idea.
Shit sucks to just have someone disappear off the face of the planet with zero discernible reason besides a harmless drunk text after working for over a month to cultivate something.
Weird. From your story it doesn't even sound like it was the drunk text that did it, honestly.
You needed to quit here. She was clear. Dropping you to get with her ex was shitty but she didn't cheat on you, she made a choice and broke it off. It may have been sudden but accept that at least she didn't just give you vague signals and half-answers and string you along when she realized she wanted someone else.
Continuing past there with increasingly confrontational texts wasn't going to do anything but harass her.
MisterRoboto
Member
Yeah agreed.. I don't think someone would just drop off after a drunk text that you even explained. Nothing you can really do but stop trying to reach her and see if she gets back to you.
BravesCountry
Banned
You can imagine the confusion and self-doubt that stems from this...makes it really hard to trust anything when you are receiving a family picture from that person on christmas, she is talking about attending future events together, and then poof nothing, gone.
Having went through a horrible breakup experience half a year ago, makes me feel like giving up on dating it's just so full of shit, even when the good times are rolling it's like there is shit waiting right around the corner.
This, I would have loved for that amount of directness from this girl that ghosted me, would have saved me a lot of pain and confusion waiting to hear back.
Edit: I'm thinking about just sending this message to her on facebook and being done with it, giving myself some closure instead of allowing for any thoughts that she might reach out when I know she clearly isn't going to.
"Hey ___,
Just reaching out one last time to say that I now think I understand that you are moving on and I’m fine with that, but that I really wish this had been handled better. Everything was going so well, and then all of the sudden nothing. It's extremely confusing and hard to understand. Despite that I appreciated our brief time together and wish you nothing but the best, take care.
Goodbye and good luck with everything don’t worry about responding"
I think it would just offer me some amount of closure on the matter if anything
MisterRoboto
Member
Eh, I wouldn't send that.
BravesCountry
Banned
Alright won't send it, that's all I needed to hear. I guess I just want some closure from this...
That message won't give you closure.
If she doesn't respond, you'll see that she read it and never responded. You think you won't care, but you most definitely will.
BravesCountry
Banned
Fair enough, I guess the best way to approach someone ghosting you after so far into a burgeoning relationship is to just rationalize that that isn't a person you would want to be with anyways, someone who could just inflict that sort of pain upon somebody because they don't want to make themselves uncomfortable having to break things off. In a way it is likely a blessing in disguise. After being ghosted I know I won't do that sort of thing to anyone I have been dating, no matter what. It's awful.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
I never ghost women. Whether first time meetup or afterwards, I give them my reasons.
Used to have my GAF avatar is my Tinder profile pic, guess it's pretty bad huh?
It really is. I've been ghosted and it's pretty brutal. Ultimately it comes down to the individual not having enough courage to tell the truth. I've done the other way too, where I told a girl straight up that "I didn't want to date anymore, not a good time in my life" after two dates. I told her over text. I didn't want to ghost her, but then I had to deal with the aftermath of that. Girl was crazy.
BravesCountry
Banned
Yeah those sorts of people ruin it for everyone else, good on you though to do it.
Agreed, I'll be doing that from now on as well no matter how short the meeting or what not.
Just see the string of crazy texts above for a reason why women ghost.
It sucks, but don't take it personally, especially on a short term thing. There's no reason to send texts/messages demanding reasons/closures. Any reason they give will most likely be BS anyway (it's not you it's me, I'm too busy, school is crazy, etc). Lots of short term relationships just kind of fizzle out for no real reason. Just delete/block them from your phone and social media and move on.
It sucks, but don't take it personally, especially on a short term thing. There's no reason to send texts/messages demanding reasons/closures. Any reason they give will most likely be BS anyway (it's not you it's me, I'm too busy, school is crazy, etc). Lots of short term relationships just kind of fizzle out for no real reason. Just delete/block them from your phone and social media and move on.
Gotdatmoney
Member
If 90% of people could handle an L it wouldn't be necessary to ghost. I would have zero issue saying the truth if the truth actually was valued. Of course its not so I dont bother. I've been ghosted. It sucks. Life goes on.
BravesCountry
Banned
Yeah I get that, it's just that our last interaction was a crazy good back and forth conversation that she initiated and it left off on a really good note after what had been a stable back and forth since we both left the city, both putting in same amount of effort, so it was just extremely confusing since it didn't just fizzle it vanished instantly. I don't necessarily want an explanation anymore as people move on for myriad reasons, just wanted to let her know that disappearance acts like that really have an effect on somebody so maybe she would think more about doing that to someone in the future. But I need to forget about her and move on myself, I swear the disappearance made me want her even more than I ever did when we were happily going along, the mind is a fucked up thing.
I think that's fine in certain early circumstances but if you have been on several dates with someone, slept over and slept with them several times and talked to them every single day for over a month and every sign is pointing towards relationship, then I think it's common human decency to let them know you aren't interested anymore instead of leaving them out to dry. You don't even have to give a reason, just tell them you don't think you're a match or something and if they keep reaching out after that then no response should be necessary. Ghosting isn't even a good strategy for avoiding confrontation because the silence can really get to a person and make them more crazy than they ever would be normally, and they will keep reaching out to you until they get the hint which just prolongs the process for yourself too. I think it's just a shitty way to deal with things that far into dating someone.
Interface23
Member
So the girl I was supposed go out with today cancelled because she works for the airlines and missed her connection in Philadelphia to come back home last night at a decent time, she got home 3 hours ago apparently.
Is the fact that she just hit me up and was like "we might have to go out tomorrow or next Friday" a good sign or am I done?
Is the fact that she just hit me up and was like "we might have to go out tomorrow or next Friday" a good sign or am I done?
If that's what happened and she made the effort to let you know when she could, I think it's a good sign. Means she was looking forward to it or at least wants to follow-through despite life throwing her a bit of a curb ball.
Krauser Kat
Member
you could be super creepy and check the flights or agree to tomorrow night.
Interface23
Member
Haha, she sent me snapchats of her in the Philly airport at 2am...I know it's legitimate, just sucks
Krauser Kat
Member
Pretty much this. She wants to see where it can go and is sorry for the mix up and is willing to work a little to see you.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
"Great, I'll see you at 8!"
Gotdatmoney
Member
As I said man, as long as people cannot handle an L there is no reason why saying the true shitty reason why the person is no longer interested is going to play out fine 90% of the time. The stupid rage post in this thread is what happens when you tell people the truth. If you think "sorry I dont think this is gonna work out"out of the blue is genuinely going to make you feel comforted you are just being naive.
People need to learn something. In life you dont always get closure. Spending days of your life longing for answers to questions that are totally irrelevant to here and now is a good way to be really fucking miserable.
Real talk.
Miles Quaritch
Member
LOL, real talk my arse.
People can't handle the L.
Of course it's always only about the people who can't 'handle the L' and nothing to do with the person who is ghosting. Of course the person ghosting would be happy to give reasons if they felt the person could handle it.
Of course.
People can't handle the L.
Of course it's always only about the people who can't 'handle the L' and nothing to do with the person who is ghosting. Of course the person ghosting would be happy to give reasons if they felt the person could handle it.
Of course.
BravesCountry
Banned
Who said anything about feeling comforted? It would feel like shit but at least I would know where we stand, there is nothing worse than stretching out the ambiguity and slowly realizing you got ditched to the curb, at the very least it prolongs the moving on process there is no doubt about that.
She could literally see me hanging in the wind helplessly like an ant and did absolutely nothing to just let me know and release the ambiguity, especially considering she knew I didn't know when she got back so the questioning of it could last a lot longer than normal.
I get what you're saying. I've been in the same situation and it sucks. I don't think sending a text would result in any closure because the girl is either self-absorbed or socially inept (maybe a bit of both) so the answer she would give would be BS. She knows what she is doing, but doesn't care for whatever reason.
This is one of the problems that comes up when texting is a main form of communication. The tone can be misjudged very easily. You might think it's a fun conversation, but she may be just doing it because she's bored or out of a sense of obligation.
Also, relationships can just end for whatever reason at the drop of a hat. During college, I was dating a girl for a couple of months and I broke up one night after a date because her chewing annoyed me. It sounds like a Seinfeld episode, but a little thing might be the tipping scale in making you realize that you don't want to be with someone anymore.
Krauser Kat
Member
... are you bull shitting me? i actually want to know how you got to that. in case she does this again. Either way thanks!
Lone_Prodigy
Member
Oh I should've specified it was a joke. I hope you didn't send that to her.
Even if you did, it can be a funny way of organizing a date.
Gotdatmoney
Member
You genuinely think people would be adverse to telling the truth if they were not afraid of the fallout? I stand by my statement, you are not owed an explanation about why someone disappears. If you believe otherwise you are in for a rude awakening.
Ghosting is not nice but the issue was never about feelings. It was about why people do it and its because people can't handle an L. If everyone took rejection like a champ, you think we would need all these breakup slow fade strategies?
Ideally you would get the truth but this is not an ideal world. The moving on process is dependent on you alone. Not on whatever actions you desire someone else to take to "help" you move on. I grasp the situation sucks but the disappearing act is a staple for a reason. It illicits the least response.
I know I am being harsh, I wont hide that but people are being so idealistic about this. You are not going to get an explanation about everything. People need to learn to accept that some shit will be unknown. It is dating age, not married for 15 years age or even long term bf/gf age. If we need genuine closure from1-2 months interaction you are getting way too attached.
People ghosting you are doing you a favor. Yes, it's lame, and you're left wondering what happened and why. You feel there's no closure.
Here's your closure: they ghosted you. They're already treating you like crap and disregarding your feelings at this point in the ?relationship. Imagine if things had progressed further! Awful behavior and completely disrespectful to you as a person. THAT IS ALL THE REASON YOU TO MOVE ON.
You want "reasons"? First off, even if she gave you one, there's still a good chance it might not even be the real one. Take your pick from the list:
- She found someone else
- She's an awful person
- She doesn't care about your feelings
- All that time you spent together doesn't even deserve acknowledgement
- She's in a coma
- Aliens have kidnapped her family and forbidden her from contacting you because your future offspring together was prophecied as being the hero that brings down their civilization
- She was enjoying the attention during your time together but got bored now, yawn
- you were a creep
- She has a longstanding history of people she saw for a few dates reacting very aggressively to a breakup
- she was on the Titanic
Here's your closure: they ghosted you. They're already treating you like crap and disregarding your feelings at this point in the ?relationship. Imagine if things had progressed further! Awful behavior and completely disrespectful to you as a person. THAT IS ALL THE REASON YOU TO MOVE ON.
You want "reasons"? First off, even if she gave you one, there's still a good chance it might not even be the real one. Take your pick from the list:
- She found someone else
- She's an awful person
- She doesn't care about your feelings
- All that time you spent together doesn't even deserve acknowledgement
- She's in a coma
- Aliens have kidnapped her family and forbidden her from contacting you because your future offspring together was prophecied as being the hero that brings down their civilization
- She was enjoying the attention during your time together but got bored now, yawn
- you were a creep
- She has a longstanding history of people she saw for a few dates reacting very aggressively to a breakup
- she was on the Titanic
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