ZackieChan
Member
Most people in this thread are like you. You be the judge of how that works out.
Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.
- Thread starter Septimius
- Start date
- Status
Most people in this thread are like you. You be the judge of how that works out.
That's rude. People come here for advice, not called names because they don't have women falling all over them like you do.
Unlike you I don't define myself by how many girls I'm dating/have dated.
electricshake
Member
Nope I'm the same but not currently a concern thankfully. But I was awfully picky when it came to dating so generally couldn't find multiple men that I was interested in meeting at any given time.
Usually after a couple of hours my interest just takes a dive. The ones I've dated, it never lasted longer than 3 to 4 dates.
Thanks.
I tried that, but got the same results. Another big problem is that, and this sounds very superficial, I need to be physically attracted to the girl in order to be even slightly interested. I've tried to find middle ground, but never succeeded.
I'm trying to explain something rather emotional in a rational fashion here, but from experience I know that I can only start to develop feelings for a girl if I find her physically attractive AND interesting (both categories, like you mentioned). It bums me out that my "standard" is absurdly high.
When I talk to my girlfriends about this "problem", they say I come across as apathetic or as unreachable.
It's not that I don't enjoy single life, it's pretty great, but I find myself wanting someone to cuddle up to and all the good stuff as time goes by.
And I gave advice. I'm not claiming to be a ladies man. Just helping out.
You don't think it's sad when people don't follow the advice in here and the cycle continues with them wondering why they are alone and if they should continue dating or if they are good enough and all the woe is me bullshit we get over and over again?
Sorry what? Where did I define my self worth based on how many girls I dated? I'm many things, just like you I imagine, and my dating life isn't a huge part of what makes me me... Do you want me to explain all my other hobbies goals and dreams in this thread so you know more about what defines me? I'd assume discussing dating is enough for this specific thread but apparently I'm wrong.
Again this is an advice thread, I gave advice to a guy who asked how to keep track of more than one girl. I wish everyone in here success with women (or one special one!) which is why I come and dispense advice when I can. Sorry if anyone was offended, but I don't want anyone here to wallow in self-pity because they can't succeed with women.
Couple hours of what? Texting? What about the dates, lose interest after sex or just after a meals and hand holding?
Talking, man. Talking.
I lose interest after going out together, talking and cuddling... I'm not really a hand holder. And sex.. I never get to that phase.
Maybe it's the girls that lose interest in you, and that is why it hasn't progressed to that stage?
Don't talk so much. Talking is boring. Set up dates, as most people in here repeatedly emphasize.
Get physical on the dates. If you don't like holding hands that's tough, do something that forces you to be close or have some casual touching.
After 3-4 dates with no sex or other physical contact and sexual fun of course you feel bored. It must be like hanging out with a buddy. The whole point of dating and romance is the physical aspect. That's what separates friends from lovers/relationships obviously. Move to physical sooner and you won't feel bored. By date three invite her over to your house, if the first two dates don't end there already. Tell her you'll make her dinner. Buy some wine. Do it up proper.
A couple of questions:
How much are you afraid of losing this person as a friend?
Are you in a situation where you think you can have casual sex?
Depending on the answers you may want to take a different approach other than pussyfooting around. She obviously doesn't see you as someone who's DTF so maybe (again, depending on your answers) you should just slam that window wide open and retaliate to the whole thing by asking her if she just wants to fuck.
I think we all do, to some extent. And I get what you're saying. Guess I'm trying to feel you out for the ability to see the beauty in women who might just not doll up in a way that would normally catch your attention, but there's still potential there.
I've thought that as well, but it's not the case. Unfortunately, that would have made it easier for me.
It's not like we're talking for 3 hours straight, but if I can't get a decent conversation going, than I see no use to go further.
I'm very aware of that, and I don't (want to) write off women that, at first glance, seems to be unattractive to me. It has happened that it took me some time to find a certain girl attractive.
Been going to the shrink, talking about these problems (and others) for nearly a year now. It's helped me on other levels, but not when it comes to the problems I explained here.
God, I hope I don't come across as a big headed jackass here
I probably sound like a jackass too but get over the physical hurdle with one of them even if they are "uninteresting." You'd be surprised how much fun, and how interesting some people can be, in the bedroom. Also you learn a lot more about someone in the 5 minutes after sex than you do in the conversations and dates leading up to it.
Naw, I'd say you're fine- it's just something I think is good to be more aware of with yourself, and maybe how you developed these expectations. Nothing wrong with having 'standards' or being honest with yourself if you're just not attracted to someone.
Long time lurker here. This is one of my favorite threads to read for hundreds of pages because of the great advice people are given and the healthy atmosphere y'all create to be able to talk about these issues. Vern, I do think it's sad when posters fall back into their old habits, but calling them names doesn't solve the problem they are having and creates a hostile atmosphere in this thread where those posters are more reluctant to seek advice. Help them, don't mock them. Jokab, no need for passive aggressive attacks as a response to a comment like that. It was uncalled for.
You all are awesome and give the best advice so keep it up. Don't let this thread turn into something ugly where no one wants to ask for help.
Yeah, you are probably right.
I've been going over it in my head for a good 3 years now.
Thanks either way, guys!
Really appreciate it!
Yeah man I get that, I thought it was a pretty tame "insult" to say the least and didn't mean to offend anyone. Apologies anyway. If we identify as a sad sack lets set some goals and make positive changes.
ZackieChan
Member
I don't even think "sad sack" is much of an insult, but more of an accurate descriptor. Then again, you can be the saddest fucker ever on WeChat
Sorry, my comment was indeed uncalled for. I don't think you define yourself purely by dating, it was just something I threw out because I didn't like your initial comment. My apologies, though I still think your comment was out of line, calling people names is not the way.
I'm very afraid of losing her as a friend.
And I don't know, probably not. I think she wants someone who's physically more attractive than I am. Don't get me wrong, I'm not some unhealthy looking weirdo, but I'm not athletic or anything either, which is what I think she wants if it's gonna be a purely physical thing (that's just my assumption though). And I think at this point in our friendship she wouldn't go in for that anyways. Casual sex isn't all I want either, the last thing I want is for her to think that's all I became friends with her for.
I'm in this limbo period right now with a girl and it's frustrating as hell. We've been on three dates and I'm starting to like her quite a bit, so I feel guilty when talking to other girls on Tinder. But she doesn't text a whole lot during the day and I have to stop myself from sending her too much dumb thirsty shit. Seeing her again on wednesday thankfully.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Well, talk to other girls. The person I was referencing in my last post that you quoted canceled on me last Friday (legitimate reason, at least), and I talked to her today and asked her "Dinner this week?" She said she was sick. So I told her to rest up and let me know when she's better. I've no idea if she'll do that (she did the last time I told her to let me know when she was free), but I'm assuming not and I'm writing it off.
Also, at least for me, it's time for a well-deserved break from dating. I can't muster up enough energy to care right now.
Yeah, I can see how that would change your perspective on the not-talking-to-other-girls thing. This is the first girl from Tinder I'm dating, and so far she hasn't bailed on me yet, so maybe I'm still a bit optimistic.
I'll wait till wednesday to see how things turn out at least.Lone_Prodigy
Member
Getting sick is the worst. They respond even more sporadically and you can't do anything about a cancelled date except hope that they take the initiative to reschedule.
At least with a vacation you know the exact dates that they'll be away.
User 479360
Banned
Thanks
I'm trying to own my bowling shittiness. I told her that we should do two rounds and make the first a practice.
I have hugged her twice.
Thanks
Yeah, there's definitely pros to the bowling date, but a lot of my dates have been movie dates and I'm more comfortable with that. I'd like to make a move, but it'll be harder at bowling. I don't have the cojones.
She's likely better than me at bowling. She beat me at mini-putt and has bowled more than me. I've always been bad at bowling. But I'm going to give it a shot and have fun with it.
Charlie...
Alright. Kiss her this date. Do it. Theres nothing to be afraid of. Nothing. My advice is dont wait until the end of the date. Dont add the pressure to your nerves. The worst thats going to happen is that nothing bad is going to happen.
Again: movie dates are terrible. What is the point of sitting in a theater passively beside someone you barely know when youre trying to get to know them romantically? Youre more comfortable? That has nothing to do with accomplishing your goals if you like this woman. Make yourself uncomfortable, get to know her, understand if you like her, and then fucking go for it. FUCKING GO FOR IT DUDE.
It wont be harder to make a move at bowling. Itll be easier. Theres a million more moments and interactions and opportunities to flirt.
User 479360
Banned
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
Gonna ask her out for a second date when she gets home. I'll set the playful mood with a few words instead of just coming out with it right away.
She said her favorite food is sushi. I'm going to tell her I'm going to take her out for a dinner, but I can't say, since it's a surprise. You're gonna love it.
Wish me luck. This girl is way too damn attractive, and even though we met up on a first date and it went relatively well, I dunno. I'm a confident and direct guy, but she's just gorgeous, and she could probably have any guy she wants.
She said she's never met a guy who shared so many of the same interests, even growing up. When we first started to text, I asked her if that was a good thing, she said yes. She also said I playful and can hold a conversation. Also she told me she legit laughs at her work when I'm being funny.
She said her favorite food is sushi. I'm going to tell her I'm going to take her out for a dinner, but I can't say, since it's a surprise. You're gonna love it.
Wish me luck. This girl is way too damn attractive, and even though we met up on a first date and it went relatively well, I dunno. I'm a confident and direct guy, but she's just gorgeous, and she could probably have any guy she wants.
She said she's never met a guy who shared so many of the same interests, even growing up. When we first started to text, I asked her if that was a good thing, she said yes. She also said I playful and can hold a conversation. Also she told me she legit laughs at her work when I'm being funny.
Howard Ballou
Member
Only one way to get good, so you may as well go for it.
User 479360
Banned
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
I legitimately asked this girl that. I was thinking she was just exaggerating but I put it out of my head and we went back to fucking.
I've had sex a number of times before, but near the end of all our fucking, I decided sort of 'lose myself' and put away thoughts of only focusing on her pleasure and if I'm good enough. This is the first time I ever had sex where I did that.
I've had sex a number of times before, but near the end of all our fucking, I decided sort of 'lose myself' and put away thoughts of only focusing on her pleasure and if I'm good enough. This is the first time I ever had sex where I did that.
Hello Dating-Age!
So there's this girl I'm currently smitten with who's good friends with my older sister. Over the last few weekends we've been talking to each other more and more. Not on the phone or through texting mind you, a group of 4-5 of us usually meet up on Sundays for lunch since we live relatively close to each other. She and I have been just making more small-talk as we've gotten to know each other. This last weekend I finally reached "goodbye hug" status. Score. Granted, she hugs all of her friends goodbye, so I'm not reading into anything quite yet.
I've always been a fan of creative ways of letting someone know you're interested in them, and I think I've figured out a way to break the ice with her. As it happens, she's a nutritionist and is currently training to become a chef. Plus, I overheard her say to someone else in our group that she's actually going to France for a few weeks this summer as part of her culinary degree. So I decided that since Valentine's Day is coming up in two weeks I would play on her interests a bit.
I bought some Red Velvet Cake cookie mix, some heart-shaped cookie-cutters and this Paris-themed spatula with little hearts on it to give to her for Valentine's day. I know her well enough at this point that I know she won't find that too forward or weird. If that can't get me a first date then I don't know what can.
Because I've never asked a girl out like this before, the only thing I've yet to figure out is how exactly to give this to her. I feel like in-person might be a tad too in-your-face? My plan right now is to package everything up all pretty and leave it on her front doorstep with some sort of small card or tag with a note on it - but fuck me if I know what the note should say. A sappy poem? A cheesy quote about beauty? Whatever it says, I do plan on ending it with my number and a proposition for a date - perhaps even a date to bake the Red Velvet Cake cookies. I've got plenty of time to work out those little details, so if anybody has any suggestions I'm all ears.
*edit - Apparently this this was a tad too elaborate for the first step. Greatly appreciate the feedback!
So there's this girl I'm currently smitten with who's good friends with my older sister. Over the last few weekends we've been talking to each other more and more. Not on the phone or through texting mind you, a group of 4-5 of us usually meet up on Sundays for lunch since we live relatively close to each other. She and I have been just making more small-talk as we've gotten to know each other. This last weekend I finally reached "goodbye hug" status. Score. Granted, she hugs all of her friends goodbye, so I'm not reading into anything quite yet.
Although she has been liking all of my posts on Facebook lately so clearly she's into me right????
I bought some Red Velvet Cake cookie mix, some heart-shaped cookie-cutters and this Paris-themed spatula with little hearts on it to give to her for Valentine's day. I know her well enough at this point that I know she won't find that too forward or weird. If that can't get me a first date then I don't know what can.
Because I've never asked a girl out like this before, the only thing I've yet to figure out is how exactly to give this to her. I feel like in-person might be a tad too in-your-face? My plan right now is to package everything up all pretty and leave it on her front doorstep with some sort of small card or tag with a note on it - but fuck me if I know what the note should say. A sappy poem? A cheesy quote about beauty? Whatever it says, I do plan on ending it with my number and a proposition for a date - perhaps even a date to bake the Red Velvet Cake cookies. I've got plenty of time to work out those little details, so if anybody has any suggestions I'm all ears.
*edit - Apparently this this was a tad too elaborate for the first step. Greatly appreciate the feedback!
I personally have never seen giving gifts like that work for anyone so soon.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
lol. That's not good at all.
And she likes all your comments? Don't read too much into it.
Just be direct and ask her out for drinks.
And she likes all your comments? Don't read too much into it.
Just be direct and ask her out for drinks.
Ahh, terrible idea all around, eh?
Well the goods news is nothing has shipped yet, so I can actually cancel the orders on the cookie mix and other stuff. I was debating on how forward it would be for the initial move, but if it's immediately striking people as a resoundingly bad idea - then I'll just go a more traditional route
Well the goods news is nothing has shipped yet, so I can actually cancel the orders on the cookie mix and other stuff. I was debating on how forward it would be for the initial move, but if it's immediately striking people as a resoundingly bad idea - then I'll just go a more traditional route
Excuse me, I just dropped my monster condom for my magnum dong.
User 479360
Banned
I've never bought condoms. Well, I did by a name brand but returned them once the girl I was seeing told me she lied to me about having an STI.
I just used her condoms when I was there, and the only ones I have now I picked up from the local health department's sexual health clinic the times I went in to get tested and pick up letters.
They're helpful, and it's good for practicing putting them on.
I just used her condoms when I was there, and the only ones I have now I picked up from the local health department's sexual health clinic the times I went in to get tested and pick up letters.
They're helpful, and it's good for practicing putting them on.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
Durex is tight on me. My girth gives birth, baby.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
No. Is this an issue you've been having? Something a therapist could help with? Sorry I know nothing about it.
Not really? I don't know 
It's how I am, but I just need help actually figuring out how to do the relationship thing with it. So far it's only led to sadness.
Like I keep seeing people here talking about dong it second or third date, or working towards it. Well what do I do if the goal is date never instead of date 3? Too many people put too much emphasis on it in relationships from what I read, call it the key to a successful relationship. So what the hell do I do
It's how I am, but I just need help actually figuring out how to do the relationship thing with it. So far it's only led to sadness.Like I keep seeing people here talking about dong it second or third date, or working towards it. Well what do I do if the goal is date never instead of date 3? Too many people put too much emphasis on it in relationships from what I read, call it the key to a successful relationship. So what the hell do I do
User 479360
Banned
I don't know if I fully understand, but if what I garner from your posts is correct, and that you want someone on an emotional level but not on a sexual level, I can assume it'd be kind of hard.
Try being honest, and putting that in your profile. Look for a close friend who you can confide in who's of the opposite sex, maybe?
Try being honest, and putting that in your profile. Look for a close friend who you can confide in who's of the opposite sex, maybe?
- Status