Sounds like you're getting comfortable in the friendzone. She asked you to go hiking with her and her friends. For a month out? It doesn't sound like she's interested in you romantically, otherwise she'd have invited you to something a bit more personal, and way sooner than a month away. I'd get back to her and ask her if she wants to go out with you (and you alone) in the month leading up to your hiking trip.
Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.
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Sounds like you're getting comfortable in the friendzone. She asked you to go hiking with her and her friends. For a month out? It doesn't sound like she's interested in you romantically, otherwise she'd have invited you to something a bit more personal, and way sooner than a month away. I'd get back to her and ask her if she wants to go out with you (and you alone) in the month leading up to your hiking trip.
I said "You don't drive so it's a bit far yeah" and he responded with "So u would drive down here. U could met me somewhere here for dinner or something"
I don't expect to have dinner paid for ever but if i'm spending all that gas to get down there then yeah maybe an equal effort would be nice.
I mean I don't get the vibe that he is a gold digger because he is actively looking for work apparently. I am scared that I won't find any attraction to him when I see him or that he will be super weird when we meet. I have had way too many shitty dates so far and now i feel ruined.
I mentioned it to him and he said "It's ok u don't need to respond that fast lol" I think you are very right though he obviously doesn't have much to do in the day and is only texting me.
Maybe, I mean I am so paranoid now of having someone constantly harass me after rejecting them after one date because they get so attached. Also, yeah some PUA are so fun to fuck with its the best entertainment, I usually tell them I want to meet up to harvest their flesh for my interior designs. For some reason they like to lie and say "Um actually sometimes that line works bitch" for their rude or sexist messages in which case I am like wtf who would respond to that and be delighted?
His message altogether was meant to be an insult because of the way it was written, he was no beauty queen himself so maybe his insecurities made him act a fool.
I don't get it. This is not some super thought provoking event. Either you want to meet up/go on a date with him or not. I understand you want things to be "equal", so maybe ask him to get dinner or buy you a couple drinks in exchange for you being the one having to drive an hour and a half to go see him. And if he has some sort of problem with that, then just drop it, and maybe move on to dating a guy with an actual job and car and stop messing around with someone because "omg his body." Either shit or get off the pot, man.
Ha, yeah, I felt like/thought of this. As mentioned, I'm going to get her plans for the weekend so that we can spend some time together.
What makes you think that she has no interest in dating? The way she acted before all of this showed some tale signs, and it's fairly consistent. This was one of the things that I tried not to worry about. That kind of thing isn't something that I really wanted to worry about because I never have had to until now.
I mean, by reading what I've posted, I would like to know what makes you think this in such a complete way.
Now comes the questioning of her intentions based on the idea that you've placed in my head. Fuck.
Alright, alright, if it's that simple then.
Oh, you can be an immature idiot at any age. For proof of this, pay attention to the current US Republican presidential candidates.
All guys don't revile you. I'm a guy (last I checked) and I certainly don't. If anything guys are intimidated. Single women who don't need no man and are fully capable of supporting themselves is a very new world thought. Same goes for women asking out the man. Some people are just that stuck in tradition that you don't fit in their world view.
That is clearly their problem though, not yours.
If you haven't yet, just ask her out on a date already. It'll solve everything.
I don't understand.
ZackieChan
Member
Halp me
It's a joke reference to the thread title.
Bruce Springsteen
Member
I hope, I feel if this doesn't work out I'm done for a bit from trying to find someone
Ha, I had the opposite problem (generally). If I met someone once, I was the hot brick to drop ASAP. Other than that, the only people who would message me more than once would be like...19 year old dudes who didn't seem to understand life ("hello", "hi", "why won't you talk to me", "why", "hello", "
", "bye bitch".... "Hello").And yeah, PUA are generally hilarious and I screen cap and send to my friends lol. Except that aforementioned one that really offended me
I know, I don't think men have aged in general since I was 13. Same insults, same attitudes, etc. And the Republican race right now is both hilarious and horrifying haha (Trump and Jeb! going at it like elementary school kids on the playground was my lifeblood).
IRL guys, I mean.
Internet guys seem to think I'm super cool or one of the guys or something, but dudes who would dare to have to meet me IRL, it's like god help them, they'd rather die. But...like I said. I never have and never will date, so...doesn't really matter. They can insult and call me ugly and fat all they want, no skin off my back anymore. It was just my reality when I thought I wanted to find a partner, and it was hurtful, but it doesn't matter anymore.
Meh! Haha.
That sort of feeling is common with OLD. That is why you don't spend a lot of time messaging/texting or do anything elaborate for the first date. Keep it to a drink or coffee. That way if they're a creeper or flake, you're not out too much time/money.
Etrian Oddity
Member
Gyah, I don't like teases. -_-
ZackieChan
Member
Gyah, we don't like Vaguebooking. -_-
Yeah I think it's just because I am scared to hope that it will be good because even on good dates I find out shit about the other person that is unacceptable.
Lol ok don't make me THAT person. He is very nice and easy to get along with I don't know if he's attractive in person though and I worry that it's going to be another "why can't I be attracted to everyone" type deals again. It's not so black and white, especially for women.
Damn your experience sounds like garbage! I post my PUA experiences on facebook and everyone shares in a lol.Ha, I had the opposite problem (generally). If I met someone once, I was the hot brick to drop ASAP. Other than that, the only people who would message me more than once would be like...19 year old dudes who didn't seem to understand life ("hello", "hi", "why won't you talk to me", "why", "hello", "
And yeah, PUA are generally hilarious and I screen cap and send to my friends lol. Except that aforementioned one that really offended me
IRL guys, I mean.
But...like I said. I never have and never will date, so...doesn't really matter. They can insult and call me ugly and fat all they want, no skin off my back anymore. It was just my reality when I thought I wanted to find a partner, and it was hurtful, but it doesn't matter anymore.
Meh! Haha.
I Mean if you aren't getting ANYTHING good out of it there's no point in even doing it at all eh.
Yeah it's best to keep in nice and easy on a first date especially when you have never met organically before. I have kept it casual on one date and it ended up the worst thing ever, the guy got attached to me through text within 3 days and assumed I was a guaranteed girlfriend so when I very politely and considerately told him it wouldn't work out he viciously harassed me through text for four days straight, like non stop walls of text saying really horrible and cruel things, what is worst is I couldn't block him because my phone at the time didn't have that feature. Ever since then I have never had the same carefree feeling about going on a date where I am leaning on the uncertainties, regardless of how much i think the guy is kind.
Keihart
Member
In the "girls with initiative" subject, i find it something pretty cool. Being anecdotical here, but every girlfriend i had made the move on me, all 3 of them! (lol)
I already liiked them but i never felt confident that it was reciprocal and then suddenly out of the blue, bam! they would tell me so.
This was almost 10 years ago and i never lasted more than 2 months in a romantic relationship, but still.
Edit: thanks for the book recomendation, i'll check it out.
I already liiked them but i never felt confident that it was reciprocal and then suddenly out of the blue, bam! they would tell me so.
This was almost 10 years ago and i never lasted more than 2 months in a romantic relationship, but still.
Edit: thanks for the book recomendation, i'll check it out.
So good news. I've finally set up a date with someone for the first time since last Summer. It was kind of annoying with this chick because she took her sweet time responding to my messages. Still, that's preferable to not responding at all, so it's a step up. This would also mark a milestone in my dating career as she would be the first female of the Asian persuasion I'd be going out with. Woo!
Also, just curious what your guys' thoughts are.
If you meet some girl who you're interested in an environment where you'd be seeing them frequently (i.e. classroom, work, a book review club, etc.) how long do you attempt to sway an otherwise uninterested seeming woman before you give up?
If you meet some girl who you're interested in an environment where you'd be seeing them frequently (i.e. classroom, work, a book review club, etc.) how long do you attempt to sway an otherwise uninterested seeming woman before you give up?
I personally don't think in terms of trying to sway someone. She either likes you or she doesnt, and if she doesnt I move on unless I get some VERY strong signs that her feelings have chamged.
ZackieChan
Member
Why bother?
Good lord, just ask her out already.
Text her ASAP, "Hey, [X] here from class, looking forward to rock climbing in a few weeks, but in the meantime we should grab some drinks this weekend."
Pros:
- if she says yes, you have a date with her
- if she says she's not interested, you no longer have to spend so much time worrying about it, and you won't have to go on this rock climbing trip as friends when what you really want is to hook up with her.
Cons:
- none.
I have fun sharing any stupid messages with a friend or two, we laugh. It's fun.
And haha, I've NEVER gotten anything good out of trying to date lol. The most positive thing I can say about the experience over the last...13 years? Is that I met a guy a couple years ago who managed to stand to meet me three times before ghosting me. Like, three! I was amazed. I still miss him.
It's a never ending cycle of "let's try to date like a normal person! > Oh yeah, guys won't stop insulting me > All men hate me > I hate myself > I'm not normal at all" and then I'd go away, try to hate myself a bit less, and start from the top. Only so many times I can go through the cycle though before realizing it will always end the same. Which is one of the reasons I'll never try to date again haha. Not that I've ever really dated before anyway lol
I just keep the accounts open now on the off chance I find a decent friend. I don't really care though. Like...if the account is still going in two years, whatever. Haha.
SneakersSO
Member
Don't you say that and lie to all of us. Love is one of the most fantastic experiences a person can enjoy in their lifetime. You gonna give that up cause it didn't work out with someone?
(I say all this with confidence cause it sounds like everything is going well with you two, and I genuinely hope it continues to do so & then some)
SneakersSO
Member
Alright, I just gotta be the one to call this out - whaaaaaaaaaaaat?
You sound awesome. Very grounded & real, not at all stuck up. If guys can't handle a woman who can think for themselves, fuck it. I don't know what you look like, but honestly, i'm at the point in life, and i've seen enough people get together, where I don't really think looks matter all that much. They obviously do to some extent when establishing attraction, but your personality sounds awesome. If guys are gonna treat ya like that, then fuck those guys, they weren't worth it to begin with.
Btw, for anyone still keeping up with my situation, I keep trying to let this girl down easy. There are quite a few parts of the situation I haven't elaborated on yet, mostly because I want the situation to be resolved before I update the whole thread about what happened, but CHRIST, I feel terrible i'm breaking her heart.
Because they may change their minds once they get to know you?
SneakersSO
Member
I mean, if she is initially uninterested, i'd probably spend 0 time trying to persuade her for anything. Especially if we're in a situation where we are interacting frequently. I'll b mindful of the signs that she may have had a change of heart, for sure, and if that does occur then maybe i'd be interested, but if nothing has changed, theres no reason to pay her any mind.
that will actually never happen if you make an active effort to change their minds though. More often than not they will probably interpret that as neediness.
I feel like it's been getting worse and worse the more online dating becomes a norm. There used to be a lot of guys genuinely confident and looking to start a relationship but now it's almost like it's another tool for them to just fuck anyone (and yes women do it too) the quality of guys is usually low and I have given up so much so I don't blame you at all for not caring anymore because it seems you are having a similar problem as me a year or so back, just a bunch of freaks that like to insult for no reason and ghost after leading you on. I had a guy I really liked tell me he didn't like how I thought of men when I told him that a Parliament screening was all old white men and how I think that could be a bias in passing bills....anyway, girl there is always a diamond in the rough you just have to keep digging through the coal.
Clearly you've never played a Bioware RPG. Just gotta keep putting in 'nice guy' coins.
And as someone who's kind of a recluse, it's also disheartening to see how virtually everyone on dating platforms travels the world all the time, has dozens of hobbies, talents and interests, has many friends with whom they spend a lot of time with, and is basically a perfectly normal adult. I don't even dare to contact people like this.
It's like Facebook. People only post about their highlights and exaggerate. Don't worry about it and just send your messages.
Royal_Phalanx
Member
Yeah, I know how you feel. There's nothing that fuels my sense of being a complete fucking loser more than browsing online dating profiles.
Gotdatmoney
Member
The large bulk of people who travel amd post that shit all over social media, they are not as together as you would think. Social media is a projection. People project what they want others to know, they don't share anything that projects weakness. But believe me, the bulk of all people do not have it together regardless of what they want you to see or whether you believe what I am saying.
If you base your self worth off of what you see on social media, you're going to be unhappy. And the worst part of this is, those people are not in any particularly elevated status compared to you so you shouldn't assume it.
Social media is great, I love it, but once you see through the bullshit, you know there is nothing particularly special about the people whom use it most.
I'd post my highlights too, if I had any.
Still, the travels, hobbies and social activities they participate in are facts, independent of how they might feel about themselves. They don't waste their life as I do.
Banjo-Kazooie
Member
Looking forward to the update. I've been following
Gotdatmoney
Member
It's still nothing more than exagerations and projections either way. Unless you think these people fill every moment of existance with shit they say in their profile you are also just projecting. If you wanna travel or get hobbies than simply get out more. But a bunch of social media shit does not mean anything. Its none descriptive of anyones life.
I have a picture in social media of me holding an olympic torch. Does that mean I was an.olympian? Of course not. Context is everything. You need to understand social media is all projections you should not buy into.
What highlights would you want to have?
What kind of hobbies and social activities do you wish you could have but can't?
Is you find any of this lacking in your life, could you do something about it? Do you personally find your life/yourself boring? Are you ok with that?
Some people enjoy going out and drinking/dancing. Some people prefer spending the evening at home reading. Neither is superior to the other.
I once read a book that was of the theory that romantic interest (as opposed to platonic) was pretty much a first impression type thing, you meet someone and you have a romantic interest level, and you're either in or out of the strike zone after that first impression. If you're in the strike zone, you can increase interest and make yourself more attractive, but if you get boxed out on first contact, then just move on.
It seems to be good advice. If you think there's some interest there, put yourself out there and give it a try, but if you're not seeing more reciprocal interest fast, walk away.
Miles Quaritch
Member
I wouldn't pay too much attention to pictures. . My dating profile used to just be a picture of me in my bedroom, I put more effort into real meat of the profile which was about who I was, what I liked to do and what I was looking for in a potential partner.
If you are consistently getting ghosted, I think it's important to look at the common denominator in every one of your relationships. Hint: it's yourself.
It's too easy to point the blame outwards and say everyone else is wrong/messed up/an asshole. I did this for a while before I dealt with my personal issues (extreme jealousy / possessiveness) and then got ghosted much, much less.
Introspection is important.
It's too easy to point the blame outwards and say everyone else is wrong/messed up/an asshole. I did this for a while before I dealt with my personal issues (extreme jealousy / possessiveness) and then got ghosted much, much less.
Introspection is important.
Messofanego
Banned
A dating profile is very much your resume. You only highlight your best bits and things you did once in your life can be counted as your hobbies. So if you travelled once to some foreign country or your parents took you there as a kid, you can count yourself as someone who likes to travel the whole world and has gone to many places (e.g. I've been to Egypt and Belgium apparently but I was a wee child so I don't remember anything yet I could put that in my profile to seem well-travelled). It doesn't matter that you dropped nearly all of those hobbies after school, you did them once in your life so it qualifies. Who cares how infrequently you go out for cycling, maybe once a few months or year. STILL COUNTS!
Finn of Ooo
Member
Question time:
I'm talking to three girls, and I don't know what to do, we have not discussed being exclusive and things are early so I wouldn't say I'm cheating.
Girl 1: we get along really well, easy to be around and we have a lot in common. However she's into a lot of spiritual stuff I think is stupid like astrology and crystals, she also has a 3 year old from a prior relationship and idk if I'm ready for that level of responsibility.
Girl 2: been out a few times, dates were kind of awkward. She's shy and it makes me feel shy too, however we have a lot in common as well in regards to hobbies, plus she's really cute and I'm hoping as we progress things will get less awkward
Girl 3: we haven't been out at all but I'm 90% sure she's interested, she's smoking hot but I'm pretty sure she has a ton of emotional issues, but goddamn she's so hot. I'm pretty sure this should be a no go but I need to hear it from others.
I'm talking to three girls, and I don't know what to do, we have not discussed being exclusive and things are early so I wouldn't say I'm cheating.
Girl 1: we get along really well, easy to be around and we have a lot in common. However she's into a lot of spiritual stuff I think is stupid like astrology and crystals, she also has a 3 year old from a prior relationship and idk if I'm ready for that level of responsibility.
Girl 2: been out a few times, dates were kind of awkward. She's shy and it makes me feel shy too, however we have a lot in common as well in regards to hobbies, plus she's really cute and I'm hoping as we progress things will get less awkward
Girl 3: we haven't been out at all but I'm 90% sure she's interested, she's smoking hot but I'm pretty sure she has a ton of emotional issues, but goddamn she's so hot. I'm pretty sure this should be a no go but I need to hear it from others.
Girl 2 sounds the safest and shy people sometimes end up being the best people, I find the best way to avoid awkwardness is to just talk a lot and ask them a lot of questions to open them up a bit.
On a side note, I decided not to go with the guy I mentioned before, he started getting way too sexual too fast and kept mentioning in jokes that he likes to eat out "the V" and it annoyed the shit out of me. I kind of feel so free now.
SneakersSO
Member
Here's my advice for each lady.
Girl 1: Dating women with kids is really, really, REALLY tough, especially if the mom or the kid is younger. If you're sure you aren't ready for it, just back away now. If you two are close enough that she would be hurt if you just up & disappeared, explain to her that you're just not ready for that level of responsibility or commitment. Understand & accept one absolute truth about the situation - you will ALWAYS come second. I'm not saying all relationships must have both parties making each other their number one priority. Thats not healthy or realistic. However, for a new guy entering that situation, its a lot to walk into, and must be carefully considered before you do so, cause if you do & it doesn't end well in a year or two, you're not just breaking up with her, you're breaking up with the kid too.
Girl 2: If its been a few dates, and she's especially shy, then don't worry about how things are developing. She obviously wants to keep seeing you despite her shyness. In fact, her liking you is probably causing her to become even more shy around you. Just don't let it trip you up. Go at a speed you know she's comfortable with, but be confident in your interactions. She'll see your confidence and feel its okay to open up more. It sounds like her shyness is causing a feedback loop between you two. In any case, it sounds like you like her, so keep trying to see how that develops.
Girl 3: You say she may have a lot of emotional baggage, but she's very attractive to you. Again, like you pointed out, you're not exclusive with any of these women, so I don't see why you should feel guilty about hanging with one you deem 'hotter'. Also, you two haven't gone out yet, so who knows how you may end up feeling once you get to spend time with her. Basically, there is no reason not to pursue something, so give it a try.
SneakersSO
Member
That guy sounded like he was getting too attached, too quickly. Also, what kind of grown man calls pussy 'the V'? Like, I dunno, sexual talk in my book has never gone well when incorporating such juvenile descriptions.
Yay for dodging the bullet. I didn't wanna say anything, since people were already sharing the same sentiment I had, but it just didn't sound like it was gonna work out. Hopefully the next guy is more your speed.
Miles Quaritch
Member
"The V"
Holy shit, I haven't heard anyone say that since secondary school.
Ah man, that takes me back to a simpler time of just studying and wanting to bang...
Holy shit, I haven't heard anyone say that since secondary school.
Ah man, that takes me back to a simpler time of just studying and wanting to bang...
Miles Quaritch
Member
Too attached? Seems like the opposite, he had a very specific goal and wanted to do whatever he could to achieve it.
Mobile Suit Gooch
Grundle: The Awakening
I've never heard it used outside of those "American Pie" movies.
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