So what do you guys think? I got a girl friend telling me that she has hung out with a particular guy a couple of times just the two of them. She said she is the one asking him to go hangout from hiking, lunch to coffee. He always accepts fairly enthusiastically (she showed me the text exchanges). But said he doesn't really initiate things. All of those hangouts, she initiated by asking him. Should I tell her she has been friendzoned? I think to myself, on some level he has to be interested for him to say yes to all of her asking out, right? I have seen the two of them together before. Seems to have some chemistry too.
Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.
- Thread starter Septimius
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Miles Quaritch
Member
Some people don't initiate. That he's enthusiastic about meeting and actually meets suggests he either does like her or he's being polite. Hard to say, the only way for your friend to find out is to make her feelings clear.
Drop the friendzone bullshit, just ask the guy. It'll be yes or no but at least she'll know...
He might just be a combination of passive, shy and completely socially inept. If she's having fun with him as the initiator of the relationship. She should just keep being forward and blatantly obvious about her intentions. Some guys are just completely clueless.
Messofanego
Banned
Especially nerds.
Here's a cute story from a "Real Waifus of Twitch" PAX East panel of female gamers who had to initiate the relationship with popular male Twitch streamers of games and they had zero game: https://www.twitch.tv/pax3/v/62329810?t=2h36m23s
I am all three of those things and can confirm that she should just be straight with him. The worst that will happen is she gets shot down but he still wants to hang out with her.
I'm shy and not huge on gender roles but for what it's worth oh god no I'd love for a girl to ask me out
It's not the 1950s, guys don't care unless you're some conservative Christian "family values" dick.
Miles Quaritch
Member
The norm still is the guy asking the woman out. From my extremely limited experience of seeing some female friends being the initiators, some of them simply aren't ready to deal with/handle the type of rejection men can face on a regular basis.
It turns into something pretty ugly for some of them and really hits their self esteem.
D
Deleted member 594614
Unconfirmed Member
Ok, I think its time for me to take everyones advice and end this finally.
Yesterday she asked me if I was scared about our future together out of no where. Proceeded to tell me she was because Im not as honest a person as she is plus "not knowing were the cards will fall" bothers her...always such wierd shit that makes me feel bad.
Even this morning, I said "good luck at work today" and she got all "why good luck?!" I said I was just being thoughtful and she said "why would you wish someone good luck at a job they do everyday"...seriously cant win.
She even admitted, but would in all likely hood make a list if I said the same thing, that she does absolutely nothing for me.
So, how does this playout?
I'm suppose to see her tonight then in the morning go to an art show...
Is it wrong/dumb of me to go just for the simple fact that I will get laid at least lol And, you know, I accepted her invite to the show.
Should I wait till Sun/Mon? Is it rude to do it via text/phone? Is face to face the best way?
Yesterday she asked me if I was scared about our future together out of no where. Proceeded to tell me she was because Im not as honest a person as she is plus "not knowing were the cards will fall" bothers her...always such wierd shit that makes me feel bad.
Even this morning, I said "good luck at work today" and she got all "why good luck?!" I said I was just being thoughtful and she said "why would you wish someone good luck at a job they do everyday"...seriously cant win.
She even admitted, but would in all likely hood make a list if I said the same thing, that she does absolutely nothing for me.
So, how does this playout?
I'm suppose to see her tonight then in the morning go to an art show...
Is it wrong/dumb of me to go just for the simple fact that I will get laid at least lol And, you know, I accepted her invite to the show.
Should I wait till Sun/Mon? Is it rude to do it via text/phone? Is face to face the best way?
If you break up with her right after sex, that is a dick move. Plus she will try to use the sex to manipulate you "Maybe we can be friends with benefits" "you're just using me" etc.
I would say after 7 months deserves face to face, but this chick is borderline psycho, so I would do it over the phone right away (don't wait) and then block her number, social media, etc.
I would say after 7 months deserves face to face, but this chick is borderline psycho, so I would do it over the phone right away (don't wait) and then block her number, social media, etc.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Yup, a face to face means more personal risk and that's not something anyone should have to deal with. Send an email/message or phone call, but that means opening yourself to manipulation and drama with crying, threats, etc.
Message, wait until it shows it's been received and then block/delete infor. Don't wait for a response, don't enter into a back and forth. Send the message and be done with this.
The thing to remember is that you don't owe this person anything, the sooner you realise this, the better. She's not your problem, you're not meant to 'fix her', you're just making life harder for yourself.
Message, wait until it shows it's been received and then block/delete infor. Don't wait for a response, don't enter into a back and forth. Send the message and be done with this.
The thing to remember is that you don't owe this person anything, the sooner you realise this, the better. She's not your problem, you're not meant to 'fix her', you're just making life harder for yourself.
Messofanego
Banned
Don't have sex if you're gonna end it once and for all. Do it face to face, to show you mean it cause texts or phone calls can be dismissed. Bring up all the stuff she's said and done that you've mentioned in threads here and how you see this going nowhere good. Then get ready to start dating again.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Face to face with an unstable person is not a good idea. A message carries just as much as weight as a face to face these days and if he blocks her after sending it and refuses to take her calls she'll quickly realise it's nothing to just be dismissed.
And maybe I'm wrong, but Ahealy doesn't sound like the type who would be able to handle manipulation in person well. He'd buckle, it's better to keep things at a distance during the breakup because she sounds pretty adept at manipulating people, so we'll just be back here in a few weeks/months.
Nothing wrong with goodbye sex either...but that's just me. I'd see it as bookmarking the entire experience.
And maybe I'm wrong, but Ahealy doesn't sound like the type who would be able to handle manipulation in person well. He'd buckle, it's better to keep things at a distance during the breakup because she sounds pretty adept at manipulating people, so we'll just be back here in a few weeks/months.
Nothing wrong with goodbye sex either...but that's just me. I'd see it as bookmarking the entire experience.
Don't worry, I had a good laugh at that.
I'm such a filthy "whole," and I'll never be clean. ;_;
Anyway, it's true. You can't love someone if you can't do it for yourself. I figured that out last year, and at 27, I couldn't be happier.
And for all those who are rushing to find that "special someone", it's not a race. The right, complete person will come along when it's time. Just remember to take care of yourself & love yourself.
You all matter, people. You are all worth lovin'.
Messofanego
Banned
Friends have no need to tell you you're beautiful lol. Why would a friend and I ever discuss that?
Cheers for your thoughts though.
Is that you in the avatar profile pic?
Banjo-Kazooie
Member
Yes it is. And she's good looking. Not sure what she's so hung up about
Home from trip. Realized I don't have the game necessary to pick up girls who don't speak my language. Apparently puns and wit get lost in translation. And it's impossible to tell how old Japanese women are...
I have my guesses, but it seems impolite to psychoanalyze someone on a public forum without their permission.
Yes it is. And she's good looking. Not sure what she's so hung up about
I have my guesses, but it seems impolite to psychoanalyze someone on a public forum without their permission.
Yeah I don't know why she is so down on herself. Please feel better girlYes it is. And she's good looking. Not sure what she's so hung up about
J
Jpop
Unconfirmed Member
So I met a new girl we've been hitting it off, talk to eachother daily.
I found out through a friend that her family is worth around 500m, and now for some reason I feel self-conscious talking to her. It feels, to me, that I am now talking to her because of he r money rather than herself.
I know its dumb and unfounded but it is how it is.
I found out through a friend that her family is worth around 500m, and now for some reason I feel self-conscious talking to her. It feels, to me, that I am now talking to her because of he r money rather than herself.
I know its dumb and unfounded but it is how it is.
ZackieChan
Member
Give her my number
Lone_Prodigy
Member
That sounds like the plot of a How I Met Your Mother episode.
J
Jpop
Unconfirmed Member
Trash show.
I like her a lot though more than any girl I've talked to in the past year or so.
Setup a Tinder / Okc recently. Had a lot of matches on Tinder but no real conversations, and on Okc I more or less ran into the same thing. Went and deleted both and was gonna put some real effort into making both profiles really good and put more thought into my messages. Do you guys do the same thing, or just stick it out and change things around on your profiles?
I figured just starting over again was the best way to go but now I feel like the people I matched with originally won't match again and am kinda regretting it; but I didn't really have any good conversations going anyways.
I figured just starting over again was the best way to go but now I feel like the people I matched with originally won't match again and am kinda regretting it; but I didn't really have any good conversations going anyways.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Start over. If the current matches aren't going anywhere, why are you worried about them?
If you match someone and the person doesn't reply to your message within a week, it would probably be a good idea to unmatch them and move on. Leaving them there will keep making you wonder why they aren't replying when they matched you. It's an added stress element that you don't need.
Above all, remain detached. A match doesn't really mean anything, people match by mistake, they like to match lots of people so they get attention and some matches are bots. Send a message, forget about it for a week and if you don't get a reply, unmatch and move on.
Benzychenz
Member
So this girl I was originally going for dinner with Sunday night had to cancel because she now has to move house on Monday, but she said she'd text me once she's moved in and maybe I can check out the new place one night 😏😏😏
🤔😬💅🏼
Pancake Mix
Copied someone else's pancake recipe
Congrats Benny
Hi guys and gals.
So I've been thinking of making a Tinder account, but I deleted my Facebook account years ago so I've got a few questions.
1. How does showing your real name on Tinder work? Do I have to mutually swipe a match or they me, or is it even less private than that?
2. Would a pseudonym be seen as a red flag? I'm feeling a bit of stagefright even putting my pic up.
3. Any tips?
Thanks DatingGAF.
Hi guys and gals.
So I've been thinking of making a Tinder account, but I deleted my Facebook account years ago so I've got a few questions.
1. How does showing your real name on Tinder work? Do I have to mutually swipe a match or they me, or is it even less private than that?
2. Would a pseudonym be seen as a red flag? I'm feeling a bit of stagefright even putting my pic up.
3. Any tips?
Thanks DatingGAF.
Congrats Benny
Hi guys and gals.
So I've been thinking of making a Tinder account, but I deleted my Facebook account years ago so I've got a few questions.
1. How does showing your real name on Tinder work? Do I have to mutually swipe a match or they me, or is it even less private than that?
2. Would a pseudonym be seen as a red flag? I'm feeling a bit of stagefright even putting my pic up.
3. Any tips?
Thanks DatingGAF.
Make a new Facebook with a nickname, have real pics. My Facebook isn't my real name either, not exactly anyway. Real first name though. For question 1 if I understand correctly you wanna know if they can see your name before they match you? Yes they can. If you meant something else I don't understand.
Tips: have fun, wear a rubber.
Pancake Mix
Copied someone else's pancake recipe
You can post them here or there. Let's see 😏
I think everyone likes to be asked out. It's nice to be wanted. Plus if you aren't interested you can always say no thanks.
Royal_Phalanx
Member
I dunno, I feel like I'll never be the 'perfect individual' so to speak so there's no point in waiting 2, 3, 4 years and I might as well see what happens.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Well, dropping the idea of the perfect individual is a good place to start. They don't exist. There's only right for you or not right for you, even someone who is right for won't be perfect, they'll have some aspects that you'll have to learn to love/cope with as the good aspects make it worth it.
Sooo...did you ask her out?
peanutbutterlatte
Member
Man I think having a really nonchalant, disinterested response to a message you've put effort into on dating sites is worse than not being messaged at all.
Can you give us the gist ?
ZackieChan
Member
You shouldn't put that much effort into it.
Benzychenz
Member
😁Congrats Benny
Truth be told though I'm super nervous because of my lack of sexual experience.
I'm 22 and all I've managed is basically a fling with one girl but we never even went the full way. So I'm a little worried I'll be disappointing in bed, but I'm also scared to communicate my lack of experience because I don't want her to think there must be something wrong with me socially
Like I've been on a few dates with different girls that haven't led anywhere, so I know what's up, it's just the bedroom side of things.
This girl now though is only 18 so I'm hoping she's not much better than me.
😁
Truth be told though I'm super nervous because of my lack of sexual experience.
I'm 22 and all I've managed is basically a fling with one girl but we never even went the full way. So I'm a little worried I'll be disappointing in bed, but I'm also scared to communicate my lack of experience because I don't want her to think there must be something wrong with me socially
Like I've been on a few dates with different girls that haven't led anywhere, so I know what's up, it's just the bedroom side of things.
This girl now though is only 18 so I'm hoping she's not much better than me.
How much you communicate is up to you. If you like her and want to date her long term or be friends with benefits she will appreciate the honesty. If you tell her before. Don't be a needy guy who drops a bomb like that post sex. If it's just a hookup don't bother. Hookups can be disappointing between even the most experienced people for any number of reasons. So it's not worth bringing it up.
Everybody gets nervous even if they are experienced. Just remember to pay attention to her, to communicate what you like, listen to what she wants, be yourself and have fun.
I'm trying to figure out how much effort it really takes to send a message. Even a thoughtful one shouldn't take more than a minute or two at most. Don't send a paragraph (or more) to someone you never have even talked to.
😁
Truth be told though I'm super nervous because of my lack of sexual experience.
I'm 22 and all I've managed is basically a fling with one girl but we never even went the full way. So I'm a little worried I'll be disappointing in bed, but I'm also scared to communicate my lack of experience because I don't want her to think there must be something wrong with me socially
Like I've been on a few dates with different girls that haven't led anywhere, so I know what's up, it's just the bedroom side of things.
This girl now though is only 18 so I'm hoping she's not much better than me.
Dude don't worry, I've got lots of experience and I always disappoint in bed.
yeah for all the talk about how you're supposed to write clever and witty messages referencing something in her profile - I have never gone wrong with a simple "hey
" If she likes your profile she'll start talking from there.Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Yup. And, actually, talking with my girlfriend revealed a rather obvious side of dating: of course she was going to go on a date with me, since it meant she got a free meal. She's been to some of the best places in the city and never paid a dime. And before you mark her as an outlier, my female friends say the same thing. Just because you get a first date doesn't necessarily mean much. It's like the telephone interview before you're brought in for a real first-round presser.
What this means is that NeoGaf's vern is absolutely correct. Don't put too much effort into communicating prior to the date, and don't put too much effort into the first date itself. Or if you do break these rules, have a conscious reason for doing so. (My first date with my girlfriend was at my favorite wine bar, so the bill was something like $100, but . . . that's par for the course here, and her company was just additional garnish.)
Mobile Suit Gooch
Grundle: The Awakening
So here's an update: I happen to run into her after class. Cool, huh? Anyway, we decided to walk to the student lab and we chatted about anime stuff. (Like the upcoming convention, Video games, etc,yep!) She brought up a mutual acquaintance of ours (we'll get to that mind you I've done nothing to bring him up) she said she rather have more friends than to be in a relationship. (Because she has social anxiety and someone having strong feelings for her makes her uncomfortable.) So, basically, just be friends with her. Right?
Now about our mutual acquaintance, he's about 33-ish and he has a lot of knowledge about social interactions. He's helped me a lot as far as not being too over-the-top. Anyway whenever he's around her, I feel like a third wheel, but not really. Like he's not interested in her but he's able to get hug and get her number (Flirty mess) Shit man. Yesterday was kinda painful since he was able to get a lot out of her. ( she's kinda shy too.) He does this to other girls too btw.
Now about our mutual acquaintance, he's about 33-ish and he has a lot of knowledge about social interactions. He's helped me a lot as far as not being too over-the-top. Anyway whenever he's around her, I feel like a third wheel, but not really. Like he's not interested in her but he's able to get hug and get her number (Flirty mess) Shit man. Yesterday was kinda painful since he was able to get a lot out of her. ( she's kinda shy too.) He does this to other girls too btw.
nintendork666
Member
Is this sarcasm? I can't tell. Limited tinder experience over here.
Gifs and stickers work wonders. Not sarcasm.
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