No it wasn't. It was a poor post clouding a situation with a non-situation. Despite you having had a friendship that turned into a relationship doesn't mean anything. It also ended up not working out, so it is easy to argue that it never worked in the first place. I lend much to the saying "If two people are friends after having been in a relationship, they were either never in love, or still are", and it feels like the first is true in this case. Expect maybe for yourself.
You're not giving a viable option to someone's situation. You're giving advice you think means that if one can allow oneself to just be friends with someone, you never know if it can turn into something else. But they contradict each other, and people are trying to show you that.
That's not what I'm saying at all.
My point (that was probably poorly made to begin with, but has been explained vey clearly since) is:
The only way people will change their minds in situations like those being discussed here is if you're both absolutely honest about your intent.
If you can handle being a friend to someone who turned you down, and you let go of all expectations, then maybe things will change in the future. Maybe they will, maybe they won't, but the fact that you're not hoping they will or hinging the friendship on that fact is what makes it a possibility.
As soon as you enter a friendship hoping to change their mind, as soon as you load it with expectation, you're starting to do yourself unnecessary harm.
My point was, to clarify (hopefully) a final time:
Do not try to change a person's mind when they turn you down. It may change later naturally, or it may not, but as soon as you're dishonest about your intent you start harming yourself.
Relax. You're making a fool of yourself, now.
I'm comfortable with how I've presented myself. As I admitted, perhaps my initial point could have been made more clearly, but I think the others who jumped in making assumptions and telling me my own intentions instead of diplomatically engaging in discussion are the foolish ones here.
It's not so much feelings, but the strong sense of passiveness that comes off all your posts. You seem to entirely happy having no agency over your life and how relationships develop.
You claim you were actively dating and yet as soon as your "friend" told you she had feels, you just fell into line and leapt at the opportunity.
Not a single shred of self worth on display. It's horrifying someone can be happy living so passively.
I'm scared to ask who broke it off because I get the sense you'd lie and say it was you to try and show you're not so helpless in taking the reigns of your own life.
Good God almighty. I need to go ly dow
I'm not passive in my relationships. When I like someone I tell them, if they reciprocate we explore it, if they don't I move on without concern.
While we're involved, I strive for 50/50 diplomacy as best as I can, and I pick my partners carefully so they almost always do too. I've no interest in leading nor being lead, I think the most healthy relationships are those where each person has control of their shit and agency over their own lives and you run next to each other in parallel.
I've ended just as many relationships as the other side has, and almost all of them have been mutually agreed. I've been cheated on once, which I ended as soon as I found out, and I've treated a person badly and accepted it when they decided to move on.
I'm not passive, I'm detached. I see no reason to be overly emotional about historic relationships.
She ended it with me. I was upset but I understood why. I moved on, we're still close. It hurt for a while but I adjusted. It was a pretty standard break.
And I as actively dating on OKC. We spent the day together just hanging out, which turned into the evening, which turned into all night. When the sun came up something had changed. It was a natural thing. I didn't plan it, we didn't expect it, and that's why it happened.
Had I been desperately hanging in there, I'm fairly certain we wouldn't have been able to be ourselves so effortlessly and discover something else. Thankfully, I've only ever been shook to the point of feeling hopeless by a girl once, and that was when I was very young. I learnt the first time to deal with those kinds of emotions, I don't let them dictate my actions.
