User 479360
Banned
I sent something. Wish me luck.
It was less formal and shorter, as per your suggestion.
It was less formal and shorter, as per your suggestion.
Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.
- Thread starter Septimius
- Start date
- Status
ErrorMacro
Member
It's what I'll end up doing, since I don't know many 2 player board games. We'll probably check the list there and learn something together.
Good luck =)
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
Wow, old ex just flipped out on me and stopped responding. I guess I dodged a bullet after all. She went from texting me constantly to saying I play games and give her snarky comments (the snarky comment was apparently me wishing her good luck on something...), so confused but it seems like we're done ever talking again. What a bizarre couple of weeks.
User 479360
Banned
Appreciate the help, as always. I tried to listen to it.
I see she added me, so that's good.
Thanks
I see she added me, so that's good.
Thanks
PhantomZone
Member
Went on a meet/date with someone I met from a dating site yesterday. We got along well through messaging and then phone calls, both of our personalities bounced off well with each other.
In person different the conversation was there and almost as good as the text exchanges and phone calls, but not quite as flowing (both nervous and had patches of silence occasionally).
From my perspective I liked her as she was 1) really attractive (more so than her profile photos showed!) 2) Had the kind of personality and sense of humor I dig in people. I don't think the same thing can be said on her end about me, for one she agreed with my own assessment I talked about in the lead up in that how I look different in photos compared to in person. I don't intentionally catfish people, it's just a photo doesn't capture ALL of me.
The date itself went for close to 2 hours, and we parted ways on a good note..........however I've not messaged her and she hasn't messaged me so I assume this is a "yeah no thanks" moment lol. I'm assuming she's not interested in doing something again as she hasn't said boo compared to the lead up where we were texting back and forth quite a lot over the last couple of weeks. I know very well she could be waiting to hear from me first, BUT I'm not wanting to be the one that puts my foot in it by thinking a second date is on the cards (I'd love it to be but that's on my side not hers lol).
In person different the conversation was there and almost as good as the text exchanges and phone calls, but not quite as flowing (both nervous and had patches of silence occasionally).
From my perspective I liked her as she was 1) really attractive (more so than her profile photos showed!) 2) Had the kind of personality and sense of humor I dig in people. I don't think the same thing can be said on her end about me, for one she agreed with my own assessment I talked about in the lead up in that how I look different in photos compared to in person. I don't intentionally catfish people, it's just a photo doesn't capture ALL of me.
The date itself went for close to 2 hours, and we parted ways on a good note..........however I've not messaged her and she hasn't messaged me so I assume this is a "yeah no thanks" moment lol. I'm assuming she's not interested in doing something again as she hasn't said boo compared to the lead up where we were texting back and forth quite a lot over the last couple of weeks. I know very well she could be waiting to hear from me first, BUT I'm not wanting to be the one that puts my foot in it by thinking a second date is on the cards (I'd love it to be but that's on my side not hers lol).
ErrorMacro
Member
Why not? Worst that can happen is she rejecting your try for a second date.
Banjo-Kazooie
Member
Turned 27 today...starting to feel old 
I'm content in my "dating" life though so there's that!
I'm content in my "dating" life though so there's that!
PhantomZone
Member
Just find it awkward to do when the silence probably is an indicator that she's not
Although the shoe being on the other foot it would be hilarious if she's waiting for me to make the first move and is wondering why I'm not contacting her
.Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Just find it awkward to do when the silence probably is an indicator that she's not
Although the shoe being on the other foot it would be hilarious if she's waiting for me to make the first move and is wondering why I'm not contacting her
So, yeah: you're ghosting her. Seriously, unwritten rules.
If you like someone, you tell them to text you when they get home from the date to make sure they're safe, especially if they're hopping in a cab or an Uber or something. Ideally, you ask them out again at the conclusion of the first date.
Your behavior is irrational. You have no idea what she's thinking, and -- like so many others in this thread -- you're absolving yourself of agency and any decision-making by foisting the ball in her court when she has no idea that she's supposed to receive that pass.
Do you like her? If so, say so. Ask her out again. Stop posting on a video game message board. You're overcomplicating things.
ErrorMacro
Member
Just find it awkward to do when the silence probably is an indicator that she's not
Although the shoe being on the other foot it would be hilarious if she's waiting for me to make the first move and is wondering why I'm not contacting her
Yeah, that's what you have to worry about IMO. If the conversation used to flow well between you two, and the date wasn't a trainwreck, In your place, I would try it. The longer you wait to start a conversation, the more awkward it will be.
ZackieChan
Member
Turned 27 today...starting to feel old
I'm content in my "dating" life though so there's that!
I'm 37 and having a blast. I feel younger than ever
Bro, what the hell. Text her.
User 479360
Banned
Still no reply :/
ErrorMacro
Member
Chill dude, those things take time lol.
ZackieChan
Member
I hear if you keep staring at the phone, it'll make the pixels and internets work faster
User 479360
Banned
I know...I'm just nervous. She would've seen the message earlier...
Haha. Thanks for the heads-up.
Does the same work for computer screens? I always try it, but I can't say for sure if it actually works.
PhantomZone
Member
Texted just before, now to see what her reply (if any will be)
It'll be one of 3:
1) She's up for another date
2) She's flattered I'm interested but doesn't share the same interest in me
3) Has already blocked me or ignores the message (which in itself is point 2 but maybe a more/less cruel way of saying nopeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee lol).
ZackieChan
Member
I find that selecting and deselecting random text on the screen over and over again helps time move faster.
So, you can only be in a better position than you are now, which is assuming the worst and not texting her. It's a win-win.
You need to be able to be okay if there is no response. The time you are spending hoping she does what you want, you could be looking into someone else or doing something else.
Don't fret, forget about it. If she replies you'll find out. You don't need to look at your facebook.
Move on already.
Don't fret, forget about it. If she replies you'll find out. You don't need to look at your facebook.
Move on already.
OK so I've got a question about paying/not paying for a dinner date. To my understanding it appears it is fairly accepted that bills are split now. Now the girl I plan on asking isn't flush with cash from what I understand, so although I wouldn't want it to be a regular thing I wouldn't mind covering the bill the first time just to get her out to do something other than drive around with me (She didn't want to go for a coffee or a treat on the first two dates).
I understand that it might not be an issue because I haven't even asked her yet, but I'm trying to get a plan of action figured out beforehand. So if I ask her to dinner and she says yes then I'll leave it at that and go to dinner, but if I ask her to dinner and she says no, but not "no" to getting together, what would be the best way to offer to cover it?
I'm probably overthinking this a bit, but like I said she didn't want to go for a drink/coffee/treat on either of the last two dates, and I want to change things up if she is willing to go again.
Or just tell me to ask and go with the flow. I just don't want to make her feel like she's taking charity or something.
I understand that it might not be an issue because I haven't even asked her yet, but I'm trying to get a plan of action figured out beforehand. So if I ask her to dinner and she says yes then I'll leave it at that and go to dinner, but if I ask her to dinner and she says no, but not "no" to getting together, what would be the best way to offer to cover it?
I'm probably overthinking this a bit, but like I said she didn't want to go for a drink/coffee/treat on either of the last two dates, and I want to change things up if she is willing to go again.
Or just tell me to ask and go with the flow. I just don't want to make her feel like she's taking charity or something.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
You're overthinking things. Also, no, it's not the norm that bills are split. Plenty of girls expect the guy to pay. Others expect the asker to pay. Basically, in the Prisoner's Dilemma that's dating, you're never wrong if you offer to pay, and thus that's what you should do. As I mentioned in the other thread, sometimes girls play the "I'm looking for my credit card in my purse" game when they've no intent to pay. My girlfriend did this. Some just want to see if the guy's chivalrous. Others are looking for Tinder Food Stamps.
Basically: offer to pay. Act like it isn't a big deal, because it's not. Just be all, "Hey, I asked you. Buy me a drink if you like?"
If you think she's going to say no because she's poor, then you're within your rights to say that it's your treat because you really want to try that restaurant and want the company. Added degree of difficulty, I guess, but yeah -- don't overthink it.
User 479360
Banned
Each girl is different. I've been lucky in that more of the girls I've dated have been surprised by me paying for everything and have reciprocated the next time, than not.
The last girl I went out with brought money and was kind of surprised when I paid. I knew she wasn't flush with cash.
Our date went really well. I don't know why she's dodging me.
The last girl I went out with brought money and was kind of surprised when I paid. I knew she wasn't flush with cash.
Our date went really well. I don't know why she's dodging me.
User 479360
Banned
You could just say it's your treat.
Etrian Oddity
Member
*sigh*
I have to figure out why I don't give off masculine alpha vibes and why I give off vibes that I'm gay. I get hit on frequently here and just a moment ago waiting at the bus stop inquire if I was gay. (They claimed I looked like I put more effort and maintainence into my appearance than most. Iono.)
On the one hand it's flattering, on the other hand it's sad because I just can't find any sparks with women nor do I seem to garner any attraction (as you guys know from my previous posts).
I feel like maybe some of my mannerisms are less masculine (was mostly raised by my mother); but I have some pretty country, homophobic friends, so I feel like it would have been brought to my attention by now.
Had I been born wired gay my dating life would be significantly better, feelsbadman.
:|
I have to figure out why I don't give off masculine alpha vibes and why I give off vibes that I'm gay. I get hit on frequently here and just a moment ago waiting at the bus stop inquire if I was gay. (They claimed I looked like I put more effort and maintainence into my appearance than most. Iono.)
On the one hand it's flattering, on the other hand it's sad because I just can't find any sparks with women nor do I seem to garner any attraction (as you guys know from my previous posts).
I feel like maybe some of my mannerisms are less masculine (was mostly raised by my mother); but I have some pretty country, homophobic friends, so I feel like it would have been brought to my attention by now.
Had I been born wired gay my dating life would be significantly better, feelsbadman.
:|
User 479360
Banned
I think I'm in a similar boat, although not as severe. Sorry to hear you're dealing with this.
I seem to get more looks from gay guys because I'm a bear to them.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Meanwhile, on my end, last Sunday my girlfriend of nearly 5 months and I had a relatively minor disagreement. In short, it's due to my relative quickness to get frustrated in certain situations. This time, it was freaking out while driving. (This got much worse after Afghanistan.) She said she couldn't deal with this anymore, as she didn't see a future with someone who might not be able to handle common stressors when dealing with our possible children, then thought better of it and told me the following morning that she didn't want to be without me and asked if we could get back together after her next exam. Spoiler: her licensing exams are stressful nightmares, and I fully understand her reactions.
(Weirdly, she said I could see other girls and that she only wanted me to be happy. I told her that it was ridiculous and I only wanted her. This was probably a test.)
This week has been so difficult. I usually spend several nights per week at her house. It's weird having so much free time. The texting's been more infrequent, though it's still a daily thing. She's still flirty, and today I told her to keep next Thursday night -- the day of her exam -- open, as I plan on making a reservation at her favorite restaurant. I'm going to be more alpha (lol) about it, not tell her details, and just say to block off her evening and wear a nice dress for me. I'll arrange with the Uber driver to pick her up from her house and to take her to the restaurant, too. Kind of a celebration thing, since I start work the following Monday. I didn't get a response to the "keep your Thursday night open" text, but later on, she said that she missed me. Suppose that plan's still on.
But yeah, Chewie and others, I get it: I'm basically "beta" unless pushed. In the right situation, however, it's possible to feel the inclination to be bolder.
If I'm attempting to solicit any advice, it's mostly from the ladies, and it's basically this: how have guys (or gals, if that's your thing) effectively demonstrated, with passion, that they wanted you and wanted to be with you? I'm great at being "cute." I'm shit at the passion angle, and I want to get better.
(Weirdly, she said I could see other girls and that she only wanted me to be happy. I told her that it was ridiculous and I only wanted her. This was probably a test.)
This week has been so difficult. I usually spend several nights per week at her house. It's weird having so much free time. The texting's been more infrequent, though it's still a daily thing. She's still flirty, and today I told her to keep next Thursday night -- the day of her exam -- open, as I plan on making a reservation at her favorite restaurant. I'm going to be more alpha (lol) about it, not tell her details, and just say to block off her evening and wear a nice dress for me. I'll arrange with the Uber driver to pick her up from her house and to take her to the restaurant, too. Kind of a celebration thing, since I start work the following Monday. I didn't get a response to the "keep your Thursday night open" text, but later on, she said that she missed me. Suppose that plan's still on.
But yeah, Chewie and others, I get it: I'm basically "beta" unless pushed. In the right situation, however, it's possible to feel the inclination to be bolder.
If I'm attempting to solicit any advice, it's mostly from the ladies, and it's basically this: how have guys (or gals, if that's your thing) effectively demonstrated, with passion, that they wanted you and wanted to be with you? I'm great at being "cute." I'm shit at the passion angle, and I want to get better.
User 479360
Banned
Good luck!
Banjo-Kazooie
Member
That's actually super encouraging to hear man....I see you still getting dates left and right. thumbs up hahaI'm 37 and having a blast. I feel younger than ever
Bro, what the hell. Text her.
Gotdatmoney
Member
The alpha/beta comparisons back in style? I'm not hip with the lingo anymore. Is alpha just like being assertive? Or???
ZackieChan
Member
Well, maybe not left and right, but I do ok. My traveling lifestyle makes it difficult. So I think I'm going to settle down for 6 months or so next year and see how that goes. Where do I stay, though?
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
With me. We'll open our own practice and tag-team shit.
ZackieChan
Member
You wanna move to Bangkok for 6 months?
Edit: because there's no way I'm moving to DC
Dr Duncan Steel
Member
Bit of an update on this great story. Text her again to confirm the postponed date...no response. Like honestly it would've been better to just not respond the first time. That would've sent a clearer message. Idk, I'm getting kinda heated over this and I know I shouldn't be but.....man.
It sucks.
Yes I do.
ZackieChan
Member
Do it. January to June 2017. Crossing Thailand.
PhantomZone
Member
Rejected :-(
Still seems friendly towards me not sure if it's temporary sympathy friendliness (to the point where she'll cease talking to me at all) or if she does want a proper friendship.
Still seems friendly towards me not sure if it's temporary sympathy friendliness (to the point where she'll cease talking to me at all) or if she does want a proper friendship.
Will do. 💪🏼 for real
ZackieChan
Member
Now you dont have to wonder! Move on to bigger and better things.
Though I hate when things seem to go well, but they don't want to see you again. Happens to the best of us.
PhantomZone
Member
Early May I had a blind date with a really awesome girl, we hit it off and there were no awkward silences... she was interested in my stories I told and laughed her head off at my random jokes and observations. I was more proactive then as I felt really positive about the whole experience, messaged her hours after getting home (saying we should do it again soon and such). She replied back that although I'm an amazing guy, I'm not the right one for her - she's after her soulmate and didn't feel I was "it".
That was a kick in the you know what considering the date itself went extremely well lol.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
No reason not to try proper friendship. I still chat with a girl that I went out with at the end of 2014. We weren't compatible, and we make out every New Year's when we're drunk, but we're just friends and that's fine.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Nah, not back in style. Not sure why it was even brought up when saying being more assertive and taking control work just as well.
SneakersSO
Member
Okay guys, i'm back. This year I kinda focused on & off on dating mostly. Some of you might remember me from earlier this year. I'll write a long update bringing some clarity to my progress these last few months. However, before I go into that long update, I do find myself in a bit of a pickle.
So, I got a first date with a new lady friend tomorrow night. I'm feeling something special for this one tbh. Something about her really sticks out to me. I was wondering if anyone has some good dinner date ideas. Heres some info for additional context - we'll be meeting up around after 8pm due to our work schedule. I'm familiar enough with her work situation that I know she's definitely gonna want to eat something by then. So what kind of restaurants should I be targeting here? Also, the area we'll be grabbing dinner in is a BYOB area for all of the local restaurants. Do I bring a bottle of wine for us or would that be a bit too presumptive? I was thinking I could bring one just in case but i'm not too sure.
Anyway, sorry about that long setup. Looking forward to reading your suggestions.
So, I got a first date with a new lady friend tomorrow night. I'm feeling something special for this one tbh. Something about her really sticks out to me. I was wondering if anyone has some good dinner date ideas. Heres some info for additional context - we'll be meeting up around after 8pm due to our work schedule. I'm familiar enough with her work situation that I know she's definitely gonna want to eat something by then. So what kind of restaurants should I be targeting here? Also, the area we'll be grabbing dinner in is a BYOB area for all of the local restaurants. Do I bring a bottle of wine for us or would that be a bit too presumptive? I was thinking I could bring one just in case but i'm not too sure.
Anyway, sorry about that long setup. Looking forward to reading your suggestions.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Telling us where the area is might helpful if you're asking for recommendations...
SneakersSO
Member
Fair enough. I was looking for some broad-strokes recommendations. I'm in the NYC/North NJ area. She's on the North NJ side, so thats where the date is going to be going down.
Miles Quaritch
Member
First date, so you don't want to invest too much but you think she's special at the same time so want to make an impression.
The Frog and the Peach maybe? The name gives you some room to crack jokes and it seems well reviewed on Google...
Matthew's might be worth a shout too. Italian always works well.
Restaurant recommendations are always a bit difficult as you never know what they'll like and a the choice can make or break a date...have you done any probing into what she likes to eat?
User 479360
Banned
Nothing yet. :/
If she doesn't reply or rejects me, I may need to find another salon to go to. Hopefully that won't happen, though, because this one is uber cheap.
If she doesn't reply or rejects me, I may need to find another salon to go to. Hopefully that won't happen, though, because this one is uber cheap.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Or deal with the rejection and move on? Doing anything else isn't emotionally healthy.
Remember, it's not world ending to be rejected and still see/interact with that person.
Here's some advice.
Direct your interest elsewhere. Start again with another person. Online dating or whichever else. But at the same time, do nothing to harm your chances with this girl. I wouldn't have expected her to reply so soon either. But go to the salon, don't look for her to be there, but if she is, play it cool like you forgot you even asked her out.
It's up to her to say "oh hey, sorry for not replying", or get all weird and ask you to go somewhere else.
It's fun to hope for what you want, but people who even get dates confirmed will fret about how the date will go, how the second date will and so on. There's never a good time to start investing so much into the perfect response, and it certainly isn't this early.
The more you spend thinking and caring about this girl, the harder it will be for you to let go. It would be a shame if you thought so hard about it that you couldn't deal with it being over before it even started.
- Status