For real, women won't really make fun of you unless you're 'bye Felipe' levels or a weirdo like this, who I had the pleasure of talking to on OKC today:
http://imgur.com/ljlYe9Y
Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.
- Thread starter Septimius
- Start date
- Status
For real, women won't really make fun of you unless you're 'bye Felipe' levels or a weirdo like this, who I had the pleasure of talking to on OKC today:
http://imgur.com/ljlYe9Y
Miles Quaritch
Member
I haven't the foggiest idea. Sweaty head? Sweaty neck? Whatever it is it's sweaty.
I have to vent a little:
Normally I don't mind bad dates. They can be a fun anecdote afterwards. I don't really know yet what to make of this though.
2 dates. First one was nice and ended with making out. She was surprised when I kissed her, but into it. Very much so. She missed her train to make out some more on her request and then started talking about how she just came out of a bad relationship and didn't want to dive right into another one. Booked that under nervous but cute and it was okay for me, since I was more looking for a friend+/something casual anyway..
After that date she wrote me that I came on too strong and she wasn't really comfortable with that. That she was very shy and didn't want to rush into things. Found that a bit strange with how all of that happened, but apologized and agreed with her setting the speed from here on out.
2nd date: She wanted to eat some pancakes so I invited her over and cooked some. One kiss when she arrived. I asked before if she was cool with me kissing her. It was in the evening and we watched a movie after that. Cuddling was initiated from her side and in the end she asked to stay the night because she didn't feel like taking the train home. We are talking about a 10 minute train here. I was surprised, but pleasantly so. Got to bed, made out some more, she stopped me as soon as she didn't feel comfortable anymore, so I stopped. It was pretty hard, because she was laying next to me half naked and sexy af, but okay. We talked some more, kissed some more, got to sleep.
Next day she left after a cup of coffee. Kissed goodbye, was a passionate kiss.
Now she starts writing me how she really wasn't comfortable at all with how the date went. That I overstepped my boundaries and she didn't want to have something casual.
I was surprised, but since I actually liked her and kind of understood that friends+ wouldn't work, a relationship was out of the cards in my case and casual wouldn't work with her - I wanted to see her again and asked if she was interested in a friendship then since we seemed to have great chemistry and very similar interests. She agreed and we chatted some more. The chat got a pretty cold vibe though. Most of her messages suddenly had a passive aggressive vibe to them.
The next day she cancelled our meeting out of the blue, said she was swamped and finally admitted that this wouldn't work for her. Argued back and forth a bit until she said she was depressed, had anxiety and was taking strong medication. Then proceeded to list up things I didn't notice during our two dates, accused me to see things just how I wanted to see them and how some things I did were not cool with her, even if they were totally fine in the moment. That I was selfish and that my idea of finding a friendship+ stupid (I'm looking for something less than a relationship where you don't have to justify very little time for each other - but more than a booty call, so real dates would be nice too). I tried to be understanding, apologized if I overstepped my boundaries but also was really uncool with her painting a picture of me as a bad guy and some kind of molester. Her messages got more hurtful the more I tried to explain myself and my point of view. I don't know why, but she was out for blood.
In the end I had to block and delete her. I feel like I just came out of a horrible relationship but only had two really nice dates with this person. She seemed to be like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Totally different person in text and during our date.
Worst of all she was getting under my skin. I recall every situation she mentioned and while she is right about an inappropriate joke or two (hey, that's just my kind of humor), I'm very fucking sure that I didn't misbehave or came on too strong considering the situation. But the feeling that I misjudged everything about her personality and maybe even the whole situation in itself... Not a good one.
Long rant - end.
Normally I don't mind bad dates. They can be a fun anecdote afterwards. I don't really know yet what to make of this though.
2 dates. First one was nice and ended with making out. She was surprised when I kissed her, but into it. Very much so. She missed her train to make out some more on her request and then started talking about how she just came out of a bad relationship and didn't want to dive right into another one. Booked that under nervous but cute and it was okay for me, since I was more looking for a friend+/something casual anyway..
After that date she wrote me that I came on too strong and she wasn't really comfortable with that. That she was very shy and didn't want to rush into things. Found that a bit strange with how all of that happened, but apologized and agreed with her setting the speed from here on out.
2nd date: She wanted to eat some pancakes so I invited her over and cooked some. One kiss when she arrived. I asked before if she was cool with me kissing her. It was in the evening and we watched a movie after that. Cuddling was initiated from her side and in the end she asked to stay the night because she didn't feel like taking the train home. We are talking about a 10 minute train here. I was surprised, but pleasantly so. Got to bed, made out some more, she stopped me as soon as she didn't feel comfortable anymore, so I stopped. It was pretty hard, because she was laying next to me half naked and sexy af, but okay. We talked some more, kissed some more, got to sleep.
Next day she left after a cup of coffee. Kissed goodbye, was a passionate kiss.
Now she starts writing me how she really wasn't comfortable at all with how the date went. That I overstepped my boundaries and she didn't want to have something casual.
I was surprised, but since I actually liked her and kind of understood that friends+ wouldn't work, a relationship was out of the cards in my case and casual wouldn't work with her - I wanted to see her again and asked if she was interested in a friendship then since we seemed to have great chemistry and very similar interests. She agreed and we chatted some more. The chat got a pretty cold vibe though. Most of her messages suddenly had a passive aggressive vibe to them.
The next day she cancelled our meeting out of the blue, said she was swamped and finally admitted that this wouldn't work for her. Argued back and forth a bit until she said she was depressed, had anxiety and was taking strong medication. Then proceeded to list up things I didn't notice during our two dates, accused me to see things just how I wanted to see them and how some things I did were not cool with her, even if they were totally fine in the moment. That I was selfish and that my idea of finding a friendship+ stupid (I'm looking for something less than a relationship where you don't have to justify very little time for each other - but more than a booty call, so real dates would be nice too). I tried to be understanding, apologized if I overstepped my boundaries but also was really uncool with her painting a picture of me as a bad guy and some kind of molester. Her messages got more hurtful the more I tried to explain myself and my point of view. I don't know why, but she was out for blood.
In the end I had to block and delete her. I feel like I just came out of a horrible relationship but only had two really nice dates with this person. She seemed to be like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Totally different person in text and during our date.
Worst of all she was getting under my skin. I recall every situation she mentioned and while she is right about an inappropriate joke or two (hey, that's just my kind of humor), I'm very fucking sure that I didn't misbehave or came on too strong considering the situation. But the feeling that I misjudged everything about her personality and maybe even the whole situation in itself... Not a good one.
Long rant - end.
dskillzhtown
keep your strippers out of my American football
Sounds like she is going through some things and possibly working on getting her mix of meds right. She probably shouldn't be trying to date anyone at the moment until she is stable. It takes awhile to get the meds right and mood swings are pretty common during this time. Don't think it was you, it seems to me that it is her that is going through some issues and you happen to be around at the time. I dated a girl who had similar episodes. She would blame me for all kinds of things that I had no control over or simply were figments of her imagination. After I broke it off with her, she told me she stopped taking her meds and started having issues.
Your Entertainer
Member
Ugh, fuck that. I'm irritated just reading it. Be thankful they revealed themselves to behave like that early on - just move on.
Miles Quaritch
Member
This is going to bug me for hours now. I hope you're happy!!!
Miles Quaritch
Member
Block her and move on. Life's is too short to deal with shit like this.
So, I'm not sure how I should react. But, as I've posted before, me and my ex of 2 1/2 years spent the last 8 months being friends and working toward fixing our issues. I found out today that my best friend and her fiancea were pushing my ex not to get together with me. I mean, I understand they wanted the best for her, but in a way I feel betrayed. No one ever included me in these discussions and I didn't know a thing of it until my ex moved on and started dating. I feel really distant from my friends now, Is it wrong that I feel like they should of told me?
Miles Quaritch
Member
So you worked out your issues over 8 months and the end result of that was she started to date other people?
Okay...I've never heard of working out issues taking 8 months before.
And ask your 'best friend' why he's recommending she not get with you. That shit isn't cool. At all.
War Peaceman
You're a big guy.
It must be a sweaty nerd, right?
peanutbutterlatte
Member
After 8 months maybe call time. And yeah that snake isn't you best friend in any sense of the word. Get better best friends.
It was mainly a trust thing(nothing to do with cheating). She just has a hard time trusting men. So loving her as much as I did, I was extremely patient with her. We still spent lots of time together and talking on the phone. When she was with me, she was still very affectionate, we didn't have sex, but we cuddled, kissed, and still talked about the future. She knew she needed time and wasn't ready for a relationship.
As far as my best friends, they're a lesbian couple who hung out with me and my ex all the time. According to them(from what I pryed out today) she called wanting advice on what we should do if anything about me and her going forward. One of them basically told her trust and insecurities can't be fixed and it's best if she just moved on. I didn't know anything of this, and didn't find out she was over fixing things until she told me she's been going on dates, which hit me hard.
I took it really hard and cut her out of my life, and my friends mentioned today they supported her and even suggested her do such. I just don't know how I should take it.
Your Entertainer
Member
This goes back to fundamental advice for me - the best thing one can do after breaking up is to move on, in the overwhelming majority of cases. She's your ex for a reason. Use the time away to better yourself and discover someone new, who can be just as good or better for you - they're out there.
Your friends don't owe you anything here. It's none of your business. It sounds like they have the same view; that she needs to move on as well.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
Lol, but even if they did your never would know because you would never meet them. And I mean every single person you interact with could be doing that but you don't know so why would it matter in that instance but not other interactions?
peanutbutterlatte
Member
Mmmmmm they kinda do though. If their opinion is that valid and important to them, they could have shared it with Nights too, been proper two-faced about it though.
I mean it seriously sounds like you should cut and run, whatever "trust issues" 8 months couldn't solve aren't going away, but that isn't really the point. Friends don't pull that shit.
Gotdatmoney
Member
When people say this (or the variation, "I have a hard time trusting women"), I look at them like "then why the fuck are you dating? Go figure your shit out clown." This is a red flag. You do not need to be patient while they get over their trust issues with the half the planet's population.
Your friends fucking suck. If they are not going to be a neutral body then they shouldn't pretend to be. People who skile to your face but talk shit behind your back are not your friends.
Messofanego
Banned
Basically nothing was worked out in those 8 months (about her trust and insecurities) and it would have been better if you had quit her for good but you didn't have the willpower.
peanutbutterlatte
Member
I got a match on Bumble
What the hell
What the hell
Royal_Phalanx
Member
It's funny how I want to succeed in dating so bad and when I actually get a small amount of success anxiety takes over and I ruin everything because of fear. My head is so fucked up.
There is such a thing as trying too hard. You'll get the MOST success when you have confidence and an almost nonchalant attitude about everything. Keeping cool is the name of the game, but trying too hard to keep cool isn't...cool.
AlephAlpha
Member
Relax and just watch how the timer ticks down without you ever getting a message
NYC Gaf, there is this coffee app called App of Joe, that finds you $1 coffee or $2 for anything "fancy". Adding stuff is an extra .30-.50 cents. Only in the Lower West Side though.
Might be worth it for those going on coffee dates.
Might be worth it for those going on coffee dates.
Without understanding the neuances of this situation it's hard to not think that your friends were really shitty. If you are actively telling friends to break up you should tell both parties. It might be time to make a complete break from all involved.
Your Ex probably isn't ready for a Longterm relationship and so she should be dating other people, since you clearly want something long term
However your friends should have told you this and that you should be moving on too.
Thanks guys. I have already deleted the chat, her number and blocked her. No time for this shit. I feel for her though, it must be the worst to go through a condition like this. She also wrote that she has been taking her meds for a month now, which seems pretty early for you body to get accustomed to that I guess.
I know next to nothing about her condition and how to treat it. But if she's able to punch me down emotionally after only 2 dates, I'm not there to find out what she's able to do if we dated longer.
I'm moving on, next date already lined up
I just needed to vent a bit.timetokill
Banned
So hey is it weird to judge others on whether they "get" a TV show?
I don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't enjoy Arrested Development
I don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't enjoy Arrested Development
Yes that's a weird way to limit your options in dating.
timetokill
Banned
Okay but what about classic Simpsons
I think sense of humor is a pretty big thing in relationships right?
Alright, I though this girl I matched with was a bot. Her responses were pretty bland. She asked if I live in Atlanta (I do) and then asked if I was looking to date or hookup. She then tells me she is just looking to hook up because she just broke up with her boyfriend. She then tells me where she lives, which turns out to be a sketchy part of town. I don't know, this feels weird. Do girls ever make things this easy? I feel like Ethan Bradberry is trying to teach me the dangers of meeting people on Tinder.
Think about it in reverse though. If the girl likes AD and ask you which is your favourite character, she might judge you on which character you end up picking
Contain your inner Michael N Bluth!Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
What does that have to do with anything? Sense of humor can be big or small depending on the relationship but that has nothing to do with they better like X thing or they're undateable. I've joked with and enjoyed myself who don't enjoy the same shows I do... There's usually more to a person than a single tv show.
Literally have got the exact same messages from two bots in my area within the last week. I actually thought the first one might be real considering the town she asked where I was from might have a population of a couple thousand people, I then carried it through to her telling me a street in that town that she lived on, but eventually asked me to cam with her on some sketchy site. I unmatched with that immediately.
A few days later I matched with another girl and the conversation was verbatim the exact same, so I stopped that one pretty quick. And as of tonight I think I swiped left on like 4 of the similar profiles. I'm not sure what kinda checks Tinder has going on but hopefully they get this shit figured out fast.
Yeah, I told her to come to me and I haven't heard anything since. I have for sure noticed a big influx in bot activity in the last few days. It's so frequent I will see the same set of pictures a few different times while swiping.
timetokill
Banned
Think about it in reverse though. If the girl likes AD and ask you which is your favourite character, she might judge you on which character you end up picking
Haha that's a good point
Well I think sense of humor is a sign of intelligence as well. Anyway I wouldn't base it all on one show entirely but it's definitely a bad sign imo.
Like I'm probably one of the least experienced people here, but humor wise some things click with some people and other things don't. Like you can get a somewhat idea of a person before hand, but to get a feel if you get along you definitely have to get together and go from there. Many people write things off fairly quickly without taking a time to give it a chance, especially when it comes to comedy.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
Uhhhhhhhh, yeah liking attested development is a sign of intelligence..... uhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Yeah...
timetokill
Banned
Yeah having similar sense of humor can be a good thing for a relationship.
Couldn't sitting around watching tv shows indicate a lack of intelligence as well as extreme laziness? Seems like a pretty bad sign for you.
Finished another date with a girl. It was damn good. Girl was funny, similar boats (living with the rents), and attractive to boot. It helped that the park I'm at writing this post from is performing live music. She had to cut it short since she had a family gathering to wake up for tomorrow but she said it was fun so good signs. If I had to take a guess as to why she became bisexual, it was because of her ex who she mentioned a few times in passing. No worries about that.
The girl I went out with last week seemingly forgot about me since I texted her earlier after she replied. To be fair, she's deep into her studies so don't care much. Next date with a girl will be on Sunday with a tentative one set with yet another one tomorrow.
The girl I went out with last week seemingly forgot about me since I texted her earlier after she replied. To be fair, she's deep into her studies so don't care much. Next date with a girl will be on Sunday with a tentative one set with yet another one tomorrow.
timetokill
Banned
Uh, I guess it could, as much as any other form of entertainment? I'm not sitting around watching TV for hours upon hours.
Dead to rights on the laziness though, which I am trying to work on. XD
Well obviously I wasn't being serious about it but just shows how easy it is to make judgements. Might as well get to know the girl instead of write her off because of her TV interests. Write her off because she's boring or stupid or an asshole, after you get to know her.
timetokill
Banned
lol of course
I should have been clearer that I wasn't saying "yeah it's OVER if you can't appreciate the finer points of tricks vs illusions"
Sense of humor is more than just "having one" or "not having one". There's types of humor to consider.
Having compatible funny bones helps, but yeah, don't consider people that don't get The Simpsons to not have a sense of humor at all.
timetokill
Banned
Yeah, absolutely. But I would guess compatibility is the whole point. I can get along fine with most anybody of course, but to really connect I feel like your sense of humor has to overlap significantly.
ZackieChan
Member
Maybe some details would help?
Relax and just watch how the timer ticks down without you ever getting a message
Yep. My Bumble experience in a nutshell.
Total nonsense.
Except is she is into current Simpsons. That's a dealbreaker.
timetokill
Banned
See, everyone's got their limits!!
ZackieChan
Member
Eh, I'd probably still date her if she was cute
Someone earlier said that no one posts success stories in here, so I'll post one. Met a girl on OKCupid just before I arrived in Beijing (part of my "pregaming" strategy - don't want to waste time when I touch down in a new place). We went out the other night for drinks, lots of great conversation, and we are very similar in what we're looking for in a relationship, commitment-wise. That's a good thing when you're only in the country for 2-3 weeks.
Spent the night that night, and again last night. Didn't broach the ever-important subject of Arrested Development yet, but I will soon. Keeping my fingers crossed.
Eh, I'd probably still date her if she was cute
Someone earlier said that no one posts success stories in here, so I'll post one. Met a girl on OKCupid just before I arrived in Beijing (part of my "pregaming" strategy - don't want to waste time when I touch down in a new place). We went out the other night for drinks, lots of great conversation, and we are very similar in what we're looking for in a relationship, commitment-wise. That's a good thing when you're only in the country for 2-3 weeks.
Spent the night that night, and again last night. Didn't broach the ever-important subject of Arrested Development yet, but I will soon. Keeping my fingers crossed.
She wants that 2 week commitment? My favorite kind of girl 😏
ZackieChan
Member
They're a rare breed.
I'm settling down next year for 6 months, so bring on those "long-term" relationships 😏
Also, Lisbon-GAF and Germany-GAF, give me tips for this fall.
timetokill
Banned
Be careful, once you find out you can never take it back.
- Status