Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.

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ZackieChan said:
Quit playing with the man's name

Also, the idiom is "under no illusions," dammit.
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I dunno why said delusions. I definitely know that isnt it. I'm one of those people that freaks out when some says "I could care less" so this is even more embarassing :(

That Birdman interview is one of the funniest things I'vr watched. "You pull up on Rick Ross and Trick Daddy like that?" OHHHH SNAP.
 
Gotdatmoney said:
I dunno why said delusions. I definitely know that isnt it. I'm one of those people that freaks out when some says "I could care less" so this is even more embarassing :(

That Birdman interview is one of the funniest things I'vr watched. "You pull up on Rick Ross and Trick Daddy like that?" OHHHH SNAP.
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You only did it because he was doing it :D

You pull up on ZackieChan like that?

*leaves with 20-person posse, takes 5 minutes to storm out*
 
vern said:
Take some time for yourself or whatever, but once you get back in the dating scene you'll find that 30 is the best time. We covered this a page of two back. Al of us older guys do better than ever before. You have swifter range of girls to choose from and you know more about what you want and don't want. You'll be fine. Apps are great. Just download and swipe.
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This is gonna sound silly but I don't even know how shit like Tinder works or even if there are other dating apps. My knowledge is looking over my friend's shoulder in 2003 at his OKCupid profile.

Friend said I should make a FetLife profile too even though it's apparently not supposed to be for dating? Would help match me up with people I share links with tho.

I dunno. I've become even less of a social butterfly as I've gotten older and online stuff or apps may be the best route if I don't go out to bars or have the drive to approach women as much.
 
OniBarubary said:
This is gonna sound silly but I don't even know how shit like Tinder works or even if there are other dating apps. My knowledge is looking over my friend's shoulder in 2003 at his OKCupid profile.

Friend said I should make a FetLife profile too even though it's apparently not supposed to be for dating? Would help match me up with people I share links with tho.

I dunno. I've become even less of a social butterfly as I've gotten older and online stuff or apps may be the best route if I don't go out to bars or have the drive to approach women as much.
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Download. Write some bullshit. Add a photo or two. Meet lots of hot chicks. Enjoy life. That's how it works. I personally don't mess with okc or anything else besides swiping apps (tantan 😍)...

Fetlife I have no idea about but give it a try. I'm sure it's not complicated.
 
These apps are dead simple. There isn't that much to it. Google how to make a good profile for x site, and get moving. Make sure you have good photos that aren't bathroom selfies. Photos that show you doing interesting things with either a group of friends or by yourself (nothing with your ex, please).

Meet women. Go for it. It isn't nearly as difficult as you're building it up to be.

Edit: case in point - Vern has very low intelligence and the genitals of a small rodent, but he seems to do well.
 
OniBarubary said:
This is gonna sound silly but I don't even know how shit like Tinder works or even if there are other dating apps. My knowledge is looking over my friend's shoulder in 2003 at his OKCupid profile.

Friend said I should make a FetLife profile too even though it's apparently not supposed to be for dating? Would help match me up with people I share links with tho.

I dunno. I've become even less of a social butterfly as I've gotten older and online stuff or apps may be the best route if I don't go out to bars or have the drive to approach women as much.
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Go to the Online Dating thread and learn. Take initiative in your dating life.
 
ZackieChan said:
These apps are dead simple. There isn't that much to it. Google how to make a good profile for x site, and get moving. Make sure you have good photos that aren't bathroom selfies. Photos that show you doing interesting things with either a group of friends or by yourself (nothing with your ex, please).

Meet women. Go for it. It isn't nearly as difficult as you're building it up to be.
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I don't really have any photos of myself, especially not doing anything interesting. I read books and play games and write. I have 2 friends, by choice, and no social media.

It's not a matter of difficulty, it's a matter of...drive? Apathy? It's just been hard working up the energy to care about this shit after a 7+ year relationship that left some pretty big scars and falling into a FWB situation after with someone else that didn't work out. I'm aware you can't just meet people or hook up with someone by doing nothing, trust me, I'm not the coward on the sidelines too afraid to go in. Realistically I've never even had much trouble meeting anyone to date or just fuck. I just have difficulty finding the will to even care to try nowadays.

gaiages said:
Go to the Online Dating thread and learn. Take initiative in your dating life.
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Getting to that initiative is the issue here. The answer is obviously "put effort in, dumbass" but it's one thing to know what you have to do and another to do it. When you're depressed the answer isn't "just be happier" unfortunately.
 
OniBarubary said:
I don't really have any photos of myself, especially not doing anything interesting. I read books and play games and write. I have 2 friends, by choice, and no social media.

It's not a matter of difficulty, it's a matter of...drive? Apathy? It's just been hard working up the energy to care about this shit after a 7+ year relationship that left some pretty big scars and falling into a FWB situation after with someone else that didn't work out. I'm aware you can't just meet people or hook up with someone by doing nothing, trust me, I'm not the coward on the sidelines too afraid to go in. Realistically I've never even had much trouble meeting anyone to date or just fuck. I just have difficulty finding the will to even care to try nowadays.



Getting to that initiative is the issue here. The answer is obviously "put effort in, dumbass" but it's one thing to know what you have to do and another to do it. When you're depressed the answer isn't "just be happier" unfortunately.
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Then what do you want us to do? Make your profiles and set up dates for you?

Get help with your depression. You're not ready to date. Dating won't fix you. See a therapist/doctor/professional.
 
Going on dates and/or getting into a relationship isn't going to help you and you shouldn't expect that it should. It's incredibly selfish to expect someone to magically fix you. Your relationship radar is off and you should work on that and your depression before dating.
 
Whoops, think I misspoke and gave people the wrong impression. I'm kinda rambling because I can't find the right way to say what I mean.

I'm not depressed, in fact amusingly, I'm probably in the best mental state of my life. I'm certainly the last person to look for others to fix my problems or expect a relationship to be a magical happiness solution. I was more making an analogy of when you're depressed people say to do the end goal without the steps to get you there. My bad.

I was moreso just kinda musing on the fact that the landscape is way different from the last time I was actually picking up women 10 years ago and that I'm just kinda stumbling around like "This is what normal people do now? Whoa man"

The apathy I'm talking about is... i'm obviously having trouble capturing it accurately because of the misunderstandings but it's like seeing the steps even if they're easy and being indifferent about them. I think I just need a couple weeks outside of this FWB situation I escaped to get my head back into date mode cause my ex and this FWB approached me so I'm long out of the headspace of actively seeking anything out.

I dunno, sorry, I didn't mean to come across whiny or depressed, I certainly didn't mean it like that. Just trying to figure out the headspace to start doing this again.

I guess first step would be to get Facebook, lol. All these apps seem to require it.
 
Seems like you need a good couple of months of working on yourself. I don't think you're depressed, but you're clearing dealing with a few things that are making the current dating landscape look daunting/overwhelming.

Whatever the FWB is, get away from it and don't allow yourself to be drawn back into it because it's the easy option.
 
Yeah, FWB is out of the picture. That was dropped fast as soon as it was starting to look like a bad scene.

I wasn't really looking for help just sorta musing about. Wasn't aware there was a specific OT for online dating stuff so that's nice to know if I set one of those up.
 
ZackieChan said:
These apps are dead simple. There isn't that much to it. Google how to make a good profile for x site, and get moving. Make sure you have good photos that aren't bathroom selfies. Photos that show you doing interesting things with either a group of friends or by yourself (nothing with your ex, please).

Meet women. Go for it. It isn't nearly as difficult as you're building it up to be.

Edit: case in point - Vern has very low intelligence and the genitals of a small rodent, but he seems to do well.
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The hairless mole rat known as Neogaf's ZackieChan does alright too sometimes, clearly using these apps isn't very difficult.
 
AlephAlpha said:
Are you honest with yourself? As other's have pointed out, it seems like you stick to the (maybe subconscious) hope that she will come back to you and you are not really in a state of mind to move on.
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Nah, as time is passing, I've pretty much concluded that she isn't, and even if she is, unless she makes great strides in actually valuing my time and effort -- and me as a person, then I doubt I want her back. I'm actually telling myself: "I deserve better." Which, you know, is the healthy and rational response to certain things. I'm also done making excuses for her behavior.

I want to hear her out, mostly because I'm curious. Anyway, it's a process, but one that I'm probably speeding along. I'm not really upset anymore. I'm happy for the time I spent with her -- I learned a lot, I improved myself, and I feel like a much happier, healthier, interesting human being. I'm also at the point where I know what I deserve: it's exactly equal to what I'm willing to offer. If I'm not getting that, then what the fuck am I doing?
 
Hey DatingGAF

I'm back from my bar trivia date with the social worker. I must say it went better than expected. The two of us made a pretty decent team getting a respectful 56 points. We didn't win but we had fun together, we did booze it up but she laughed a lot at my jokes. We went with an Arrested Development joke for our team name "Mr. Manager". I knew all the sports trivia. Anyways, I walked home with her, met her dog and cat..and bunnies at her house. And of course, the dog yapped at me. Anyways she went for the side hug at the end (because she was hold her dog) but I snuck a kiss in which she accepted and then we made plans to hang out this weekend.

So yeah, things went pretty well. Only negative and it's small is that she's a smoker but she's trying to quit. I'm not a fan of smoking but I can tolerate it. She's trying to quit, so that's good.

Looking forward to our next date.
 
Blitzrules240 said:
Hey DatingGAF

I'm back from my bar trivia date with the social worker. I must say it went better than expected. The two of us made a pretty decent team getting a respectful 56 points. We didn't win but we had fun together, we did booze it up but she laughed a lot at my jokes. We went with an Arrested Development joke for our team name "Mr. Manager". I knew all the sports trivia. Anyways, I walked home with her, met her dog and cat..and bunnies at her house. And of course, the dog yapped at me. Anyways she went for the side hug at the end (because she was hold her dog) but I snuck a kiss in which she accepted and then we made plans to hang out this weekend.

So yeah, things went pretty well. Only negative and it's small is that she's a smoker but she's trying to quit. I'm not a fan of smoking but I can tolerate it. She's trying to quit, so that's good.

Looking forward to our next date.
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Does she "get" arrested development though?
 
vern said:
Does she "get" arrested development though?
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ZackieChan said:
Few truly do. The dating pool is small
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She does get it. She also like Curb Your Enthusiasm. We clicked on a lot of things. I feel potential BUT I don't want to overstep my boundaries.

My issue seems to be I get too attached or I move too fast. I'm trying to have a good pace with her. I'll see how this weekend goes and the vibes before I decide if I want to make my next move.
 
Ah nevermind, don't feel like asking these sorta questions here to be honest, I should stick to gaf for less personal stuff lol. Will figure it out in time.

PS hi blitz

1a010db8ee92e120595b5b8977a8328e.png
 
Hi Gaf, is asking someone out on Facebook messenger a big no no if someone like me has anxiety trying to talk to girls in person? Each time I try to get enough self confidence I freak out and get some sort of small anxiety attack. While it has become better since I have gone down in weight and been training I still can't go and ask someone out, I guess it's because of all the rejections I got while being a fat slob.
 
Went on a date with a girl on OkCupid, it went OK I think. Kinda worried I've dug myself into a hole because I mentioned on my OkCupid answers to those profile questions that I'm not a virgin (I really shouldn't have answered that question, but too late now, she's probably seen it by now), and probably if I end up getting an opportunity to get laid I'm going to suck. I really shouldn't be this bothered by it, but I sure am.
 
Looking through bumble. Most of the women on there that I've been presented with and swiped at seem overly model-ly and fake? Fake as in Webcam and prostituty? I think I've seen one "normal" looking girl. This might not be the app for me.
 
gwailo said:
If you can't talk to someone for a couple of minutes to ask them out on a date, how do you think the actual date will go?
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Miles Quaritch said:
Rehearse using your webcam. Make sure to record it and rewatch it. No, I'm not kiddkng, it'll help you to approach and actually talk to people.
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gaiages said:
This. If you can't talk to them irl for a quick question, how are you gonna talk to them during the course of a date?
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Well I can talk, it's just I don't have the confidence to ask them out which is why I'm getting a bit anxious about it. I've been rejected so many times it has taken a toll on me :/ I'm just afraid that I will feel hurt if they reject me which is painful
 
Royal_Phalanx said:
Went on a date with a girl on OkCupid, it went OK I think. Kinda worried I've dug myself into a hole because I mentioned on my OkCupid answers to those profile questions that I'm not a virgin (I really shouldn't have answered that question, but too late now, she's probably seen it by now), and probably if I end up getting an opportunity to get laid I'm going to suck. I really shouldn't be this bothered by it, but I sure am.
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Easy problem to solve.

"I haven't had sex in awhile."
"I'm rusty."
"The liquor got to me."
 
Mr Swine said:
Well I can talk, it's just I don't have the confidence to ask them out which is why I'm getting a bit anxious about it. I've been rejected so many times it has taken a toll on me :/ I'm just afraid that I will feel hurt if they reject me which is painful
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You need to learn how to deal with rejection better. It's a thing that happens, and it's normal. It sucks, but we all get told no for stuff. Instead of seeing it as an insult or an inherantly bad thing, just take it for face value, "no", and move on. You'll never get anywhere in well... anything if you're afraid of what is essentially the word "no".
 
GK86 said:
Easy problem to solve.

"I haven't had sex in awhile."
"I'm rusty."
"The liquor got to me."
Click to expand...

I used "you're just so beautiful, I couldn't help it" once. This was after a relatively long spell of no sex, but I obviously didn't tell her that as it was a tinder hookup.

Shit worked like a charm...
 
gaiages said:
You need to learn how to deal with rejection better. It's a thing that happens, and it's normal. It sucks, but we all get told no for stuff. Instead of seeing it as an insult or an inherantly bad thing, just take it for face value, "no", and move on. You'll never get anywhere in well... anything if you're afraid of what is essentially the word "no".
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Agreed.

Rejection is a part of life. Doesn't matter what it's for, if you can't handle someone saying 'no', you're not going to get very far anywhere.

Try not to see it as them rejecting you as a person so it doesn't sting as much.
 
The date is still on. Fuck yeah.
She's gonna be at a different event at first, so she doesn't yet know when exactly she will arrive at the parade. But she's gonna message me when she does. I'd rather have agreed on a specific time and place, of course, but I'm confident she will text me. It's been going so well.
 
Blitzrules240 said:
Hey DatingGAF

I'm back from my bar trivia date with the social worker. I must say it went better than expected. The two of us made a pretty decent team getting a respectful 56 points. We didn't win but we had fun together, we did booze it up but she laughed a lot at my jokes. We went with an Arrested Development joke for our team name "Mr. Manager". I knew all the sports trivia. Anyways, I walked home with her, met her dog and cat..and bunnies at her house. And of course, the dog yapped at me. Anyways she went for the side hug at the end (because she was hold her dog) but I snuck a kiss in which she accepted and then we made plans to hang out this weekend.

So yeah, things went pretty well. Only negative and it's small is that she's a smoker but she's trying to quit. I'm not a fan of smoking but I can tolerate it. She's trying to quit, so that's good.

Looking forward to our next date.
Click to expand...

Sounds like a keeper bro!

Also it's just "Manager."


ZackieChan said:
Few truly do. The dating pool is small
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Come on man :D I just said if a girl doesn't find it funny then our senses of humor might not match well XD
 
Mr Swine said:
Well I can talk, it's just I don't have the confidence to ask them out which is why I'm getting a bit anxious about it. I've been rejected so many times it has taken a toll on me :/ I'm just afraid that I will feel hurt if they reject me which is painful
Click to expand...

Have you had any success with normal conversations? I mean, just talking to someone and having a real nice conversation where you are going back and forth, smiling, and it's just going well? When you connect with someone like that, they'll be more receptive to doing something with you such as going on a date.
 
Royal_Phalanx said:
Went on a date with a girl on OkCupid, it went OK I think. Kinda worried I've dug myself into a hole because I mentioned on my OkCupid answers to those profile questions that I'm not a virgin (I really shouldn't have answered that question, but too late now, she's probably seen it by now), and probably if I end up getting an opportunity to get laid I'm going to suck. I really shouldn't be this bothered by it, but I sure am.
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I'm confused, did you lie when answering the question?

OK Cupid tells other people full stop: "HEY, THIS PERSON IS STILL A VIRGIN?" How does it work?
 
Let's see: I'm hammered and I swiped right to a ton of of peeps on OKC via Quickmatch. Good idea or bad idea? Also answered a bunch of messages I copied and pasted messages to girls yesterday.
 
norm9 said:
Looking through bumble. Most of the women on there that I've been presented with and swiped at seem overly model-ly and fake? Fake as in Webcam and prostituty? I think I've seen one "normal" looking girl. This might not be the app for me.
Click to expand...

Bumble seems to front load you with all the attractive women. Honestly, after a handful of matches and no actual dates developing I think that bumble is a failure so far. Maybe most women are bad at picking up guys?
 
timetokill said:
Sounds like a keeper bro!

Also it's just "Manager."



Come on man :D I just said if a girl doesn't find it funny then our senses of humor might not match well XD
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Mentioning that is the highlight of my day. Don't take this away from me 😉

Royal_Phalanx said:
There's a whole question tab that shows people's answers to the personality/lifestyle questions they give.
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I wouldn't worry about it. Concentrate on being your best self on the date, and actually getting to the sex first. You'll be fine.
 
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