So I just went on my girlfriends ipad....

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To all those that think he is petty for not talking it out or giving her a chance to explain:

Her feelings do not matter anymore. She fucked up, and if he doesn't think he can forgive her, what will talking solve? Nothing. Even worse, I've "talked" with people who have wronged me, and there is no fucking closure.

It can actually backfire if the look on their face while you expect apologies is indifference. Makes you feel like a bigger piece of shit.

OP, leave and call it a day. Do whats best for you and fuck her feelings or anything to that point.

Fitgaf got you son. Gym it up
 
Tron#1 said:
Call and have police there when this goes down. Have a friend there that can help you get your stuff and then leave.
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For fucking real? Who would even respond to such a call, let alone take it seriously?

"Hello, 911, I'd like to request a police unit to my house because I'm about to break up with my girlfriend."

"Sir, this is for emergencies only. Do you have-"

"SHE'LL BREAK MY FUCKING TV!"

-_____________________-
 
Anticol said:
This is the worse advice ever, don't do this OP, no matter what if you stay with her after this it will be the worst mistake.
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Don't listen to this guy. She might have an explanation. I know, I 've been there, and I'm in the best open relationship now ever. It's great.
 
Unfortunately in situations like this more often than not there is no real "closure" other than to move on.

The only person who can make you feel better is the one who wronged you; and for multiple reasons it's very likely they'll never be able to "make you feel better" about the situation. If you do attempt to "talk it out" the person might drive you insane with excuses.. then you are left even more hurt, and the only person you see who can fix it is this person who wronged you and then made excuses.

It can become a vicious cycle of endlessly looking for closure/to feel better and it can be very hard to let the other person go. In moments of weakness you might beg for them back and claim you just want to forget about what happened, but you never will.. it'll pop back up in your head and you'll remember that the person never even apologized whole heartedly.

The clean break IS possibly, and IMO, likely the best solution. Don't waste too much energy talking it out, be prepared to not get an explanation that isn't remotely satisfying to your desire to be apologized to or be made to feel better.
 
OCD Guy said:
It's more that there were no signs at all to make me think she was going behind my back.

In the past there's been a change in behaviour, like an ex who suddenly always put her phone screen down, and took it with her, went out more often etc.

But there's been no change in the relationship, no change in her behaviour. I'd have imagined she'd have been more secretive, certainly closed safari on the ipad.

Maybe it's the fact that our relationship has become a routine, still if she was bored, she should maybe have ended it. I'm thinking if I didn't find out, who's to say in a week she hadn't gone round there had sex and then come home to me like nothing happened and I'd have been kissing her and that after she had another mans dick in her mouth.
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I didn't see mine coming either. No change whatsoever. Also they did in fact act like nothing happened after the deed was done. As much as your situation is terrible at least you found out now. That's the one tiny ounce of good that has come out of your story. Get out when you can. Betrayal hurts so fucking much however you have a chance to bail.
 
OCD Guy said:
It's more that there were no signs at all to make me think she was going behind my back.

In the past there's been a change in behaviour, like an ex who suddenly always put her phone screen down, and took it with her, went out more often etc.

But there's been no change in the relationship, no change in her behaviour. I'd have imagined she'd have been more secretive, certainly closed safari on the ipad.

Maybe it's the fact that our relationship has become a routine, still if she was bored, she should maybe have ended it. I'm thinking if I didn't find out, who's to say in a week she hadn't gone round there had sex and then come home to me like nothing happened and I'd have been kissing her and that after she had another mans dick in her mouth.

I would never be angry at someone that just felt they didn't want to carry on anymore, it might hurt of course, but going behind someone's back in a monogamous relationship is inexcusable for me personally.
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Watch that be what is brought up in some way. Rather wrong or right, or said out right or alluded to.
 
OCD Guy said:
To try and put a bit of context, there is no talking with her.

So what tends to happen is I say nothing at all, in the past I might have but what would start off as a trivial thing would then blow up over nothing.

To give an example it's like being in the car and an idiot cuts you up, you can bang your horn, wave your hands, swear at him, and they could react, things could escalate, and all for what?

But if you just leave them to it, get on with the drive you feel calmer, and less stressed. That's how I've been living through this relationship
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Sounds like to me the relationship was in a bad place anyway. The pic you found was just another symptom of it. Funny how we will stay in a relationship that is unhealthy and we aren't happy with but wait for something monumental to go wrong before we leave. Not blaming you at all, just seems like a human trait not to want to rock the boat, even though it is already sinking.
 
OCD Guy said:
I just don't want the argument yet. It's not going to achieve anything. I don't want to be with her. Looking at her walking about here is making me feel sick.



No nothing recently. Obviously we've argued before
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I would recommend being assertive about the situation and talking about it tonight. Being passive aggressive is only going to make thinks worse.

Loudninja said:
My good people let him do it at his pace.
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But OP is being passive aggressive as hell. It's not a healthy approach to problem solving.
 
My advice plan for some friends to help you move out when you know shes not gonna be around. Then after everythings moved out and ur things are safe wait for her to come home. Confront her about it,give her a piece of your mind and then leave forever. Youre gonna wanna get that emotion( whatever it may be) out and not locked inside.
 
Vic said:
Goddammit OP, I wanted to see some good old drama but you're going at it through the mature and reasonable way, huh.

smh
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Ha ha ha. If you want that, then tune into a Jerry Springer show.

I think OP is handling this the right way by waiting until the next day to understand his rental situation, etc.
 
OCD Guy said:
If I'm honest I'll probably miss being in a relationship more than being with her.
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Sounds like this is the opportunity you've been waiting for then.

When did you move in together? Sounds like you're not so hot on your current digs either, if you are ready to up and leave so quick.
 
Jesus, if that happened to me I'd leave the ipad plugged in and open for when she gets back on that picture with a note that says "you're evicted," using a claus in the lease and bs to the landlord, then take off. No sympathy
 
7threst said:
Don't listen to this guy. She might have an explanation. I know, I 've been there, and I'm in the best open relationship now ever. It's great.
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You're one of the lucky ones. Many are not.

That trust will never be the same though.

o wait another open relationship "it's the best" solution guy.
 
OCD Guy said:
It's more that there were no signs at all to make me think she was going behind my back.

In the past there's been a change in behaviour, like an ex who suddenly always put her phone screen down, and took it with her, went out more often etc.

But there's been no change in the relationship, no change in her behaviour. I'd have imagined she'd have been more secretive, certainly closed safari on the ipad.

Maybe it's the fact that our relationship has become a routine, still if she was bored, she should maybe have ended it. I'm thinking if I didn't find out, who's to say in a week she hadn't gone round there had sex and then come home to me like nothing happened and I'd have been kissing her and that after she had another mans dick in her mouth.

I would never be angry at someone that just felt they didn't want to carry on anymore, it might hurt of course, but going behind someone's back in a monogamous relationship is inexcusable for me personally.
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maybe she wanted you to find it
 
The Beard said:
OP, did you leave the iPad as you found it? With the dick pick being the first thing that pops up in the browser?
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No I closed the page. Not before I took screenshots and emailed them to me (and deleted the emails from her sent folder) Being her ipad I sent the emails from her icloud to my gmail.

7threst said:
Don't listen to this guy. She might have an explanation. I know, I 've been there, and I'm in the best open relationship now ever. It's great.
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I don't doubt that an open relationship can be good. When I was a teenager I'd have loved that, but it wasn't really acceptable then.

But I don't want an open relationship, I want someone I care about that I can give my attention to and they focus their attention on me.

I don't want to compete for attention, and I can't imagine calling up a girlfriend for them to say "I can't see you tonight, I'm staying with Michael"
 
ant_'s advice is the best. Don't try to make it work, it not going to and it's a waste of your time, energy and emotional health. Cut it off clean, and it'll drive them crazy with guilt.

In my experience trying to make it work just gave them time to find new amazing way to fuck with me. You don't deserve that, you're in the right.
 
7threst said:
Don't listen to this guy. She might have an explanation. I know, I 've been there, and I'm in the best open relationship now ever. It's great.
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OP doesn't want an open relationship ffs. Anyways, this isn't how "open relationships" work. You don't go from being in a monogamous relationship for 4 years, then when you catch your gf sexting with some random dude and drooling over his cock, say "oh, so you decided that we should be in an open relationship without telling me? I'm totally okay with this."
 
7threst said:
That's true yeah, didn't think of that. Still, I think he should be the reasonable one in this and just hear here out.
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One thing I've discovered from this thread is that dudes in open relationships are worse than vegetarians when it comes to spreading the message.
 
If she's the type that will break your stuff, even after she violated your trust, just leave.

There is always someone that pops into these threads and tells you to hear the ex out and/or forgive, it's well meaning advice, it even sounds mature, but usually it just leads to you being sucked back in and being cheated on some more.

If she made a mistake and approached you about it, that might be worth hearing out, but your girlfriend sexted another guy while you were both in the same room together, that is a deliberate choice.
 
OP stay strong. There's a lot of people in here trying to impress their values and perceptions on you. If you know what works for you in this scenario, don't buckle to the pressures here. You do you.
 
butzopower said:
Sounds like this is the opportunity you've been waiting for then.

When did you move in together? Sounds like you're not so hot on your current digs either, if you are ready to up and leave so quick.
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We moved in about a year ago.

Firstly neither of us can afford the monthly rent alone. We decided to get a nicer place and pool our money together.

Plus I wouldn't want to be here alone, I'd want a fresh start.
 
MisterR said:
One thing I've discovered from this thread is that dudes in open relationships are worse than vegetarians when it comes to spreading the message.
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Now we finally know who the fuck watches all that cuckolding porn online.

No but seriously, stop littering this thread with polygamy shit.
 
OCD Guy said:
No I closed the page. Not before I took screenshots and emailed them to me (and deleted the emails from her sent folder) Being her ipad I sent the emails from her icloud to my gmail.



I don't doubt that an open relationship can be good. When I was a teenager I'd have loved that, but it wasn't really acceptable then.

But I don't want an open relationship, I want someone I care about that I can give my attention to and they focus their attention on me.

I don't want to compete for attention, and I can't imagine calling up a girlfriend for them to say "I can't see you tonight, I'm staying with Michael"
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I'm sorry, as I said before, I guess I was a little bit quick to answer. I also can imagine that this incident really hurt your feelings and my comment kind of shrugged that off as "hey, see this as an option to start an open realtionship!". That was really not my intention.
 
Pryce said:
Was it a good looking dick?

Be honest OP.
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image.php
 
Alpha Centauri said:
To all those that think he is petty for not talking it out or giving her a chance to explain:

Her feelings do not matter anymore. She fucked up, and if he doesn't think he can forgive her, what will talking solve? Nothing. Even worse, I've "talked" with people who have wronged me, and there is no fucking closure.

It can actually backfire if the look on their face while you expect apologies is indifference. Makes you feel like a bigger piece of shit.

OP, leave and call it a day. Do whats best for you and fuck her feelings or anything to that point.

Fitgaf got you son. Gym it up
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Frankly I'm amazed at how many people are saying he needs to give her a chance.
That's how you get people to walk all over you if you keep bending over for shit like this. Have some self respect people and some value for youreself.
I highly doubt she would be understanding if she was in his position.
 
OCD Guy said:
I'd be lying if I said I didn't stare at it.

I know I shouldn't have been, but for some reason I had to take a good look.
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to be fair, it's the reason you're ending a 4 year relationship.

not taking a second while staring would almost feel wrong.
 
OCD Guy said:
I'd be lying if I said I didn't stare at it.

I know I shouldn't have been, but for some reason I had to take a good look.
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Have you taken a closer look at your dick recently OP, maybe it was YOU.

But really don't listen to the people asking you to rush for confrontation.

If you don't feel emotionally ready to engage with her about the topic then don't, calm down, try to cover all your bases as you have said and maybe tomorrow when you are a bit more level headed things will go smoothly without you losing your temper making things worse for both of you, and actually keep on going with your life ASAP.
 
OP, aren't you at least curious about what she has to say? I'm not talking about an excuse, explanation, nothing like that.
Just to see what the fuck she has to say.
 
OCD Guy said:
I'd be lying if I said I didn't stare at it.

I know I shouldn't have been, but for some reason I had to take a good look.
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That doesn't answer the question.

Right after seeing the picture, did you frown or chuckle?



jk lol, just trying to make you laugh :D
 
nortonff said:
OP, aren't you at least curious about what she has to say? I'm not talking about an excuse, explanation, nothing like that.
Just to see what the fuck she has to say.
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Liars will continue to lie. It will backfire on the OP.

Either she will cry and play the victim, or she will get angry and make the OP in the wrong.
 
nortonff said:
OP, aren't you at least curious about what she has to say? I'm not talking about an excuse, explanation, nothing like that.
Just to see what the fuck she has to say.
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And see her squirm to come up with a lie to defend herself? Getting into a full blown screaming match? I'd personally take very little pleasure from that.

Just break it off however you see fit, make sure you let her know what she did, and ask her politely to move her shit out ASAP while you stay somewhere else for a week.
 
OCD Guy said:
We moved in about a year ago.

Firstly neither of us can afford the monthly rent alone. We decided to get a nicer place and pool our money together.

Plus I wouldn't want to be here alone, I'd want a fresh start.
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Do you think you'll find a place by yourself going forward or try and find some roommates?
 
Tron#1 said:
Worked at multiple police departments and these calls are common. He takes something and later she tries to report it as stolen. She can't do that if police are there and see everything go down. She claims he hit her on the way out. She can't do that if police are there and see what goes down.
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Not a bad idea, OP.
 
been there OP...well I caught my ex-gf kissing a guy but you know...

I'm totally with you, just go away, no arguing, no excuses...it's not worth it.
 
SilentRacoon said:
Have you taken a closer look at your dick recently OP, maybe it was YOU.
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To be honest I'm sure my dick was not the reason. If it had been I'm sure she would never have kept sleeping with me at the start.

Ultimately she was unhappy, if she was 100% happy she wouldn't need to look elsewhere. Maybe it was the routine the relationship had become, maybe she was bored of the sex, maybe she was bored of me and just fancied someone "fresh", sex is always different with someone new.

Or perhaps she's just one of those people that's incapable of being faithful. Regardless of the reason, if she was unhappy she should have just ended the relationship in my opinion.
 
ant_ said:
Liars will continue to lie. It will backfire on the OP.

Either she will cry and play the victim, or she will get angry and make the OP in the wrong.
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I don't think it can backfire at the OP anymore. He knows what he saw. And he knows its over.
 
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