Cabbagehead
Member
Give us the low down...jk
So I just went on my girlfriends ipad....
- Thread starter OCD Guy
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Mistake
Member
I agree
Thebeardofknowledge
Banned
Throw her shit out and find a roommate
TheOfficeMut
Unconfirmed Member
A lot of you truly fail to recognize the importance of closure. In even my worst relationship where my ex cheated on me several times, I needed closure. I didn't realize it then, but I did.
She cheated on me with her ex almost a year into the relationship, and being my first love, I was devastated. I needed as much information as possible in order to feel better about the situation.
You'd think that details of the affair would make it worse, but in reality having a timetable and explanation, as obtuse and practically full-of-shit as the person might be, is oddly calming. Nothing worse than constantly wondering how many times the person did it, where, when, how, why, and whatever the hell else. Even if the answers are completely fabricated, communicating with the person who had gone from being my love to private enemy number one made me feel at ease, despite truly disliking her at the same time.
Could you possibly deal without ever having any of your questions answered? Sure! But not everyone is like that. I simply want to stress the point that closure is important and not an overrated concept.
To use an even more innocuous example to illustrate my point, I got out of a very healthy 3.5 years relationship 4 months ago and still felt the need to have closure. Neither one of us cheated on each other; instead we had a disagreement about how to proceed going forward with our responsibilities and dedication to pursuing higher education and how our relationship would fit in. It ended swiftly once I said it wouldn't work out following a week's long break at her behest in order to consider how much free time we'd each have. The point is, it ended so quickly and with very little communication that I sometimes still feel like I didn't have enough closure, that we didn't share our feelings with one another as much as we should have.
We still speak once in a blue moon to inquire how the other is doing, but never do we talk about the relationship or breakup. For the first three months it was awful. I had depressive bouts where I wondered where things went wrong, but neither of us never communicated as much as we should have. Today I feel magnitudes better and would consider myself almost completely over it, but it wasn't easy.
The point is that closure is very important to a lot of people. Whether or not it is to you, OP, is a different story.
She cheated on me with her ex almost a year into the relationship, and being my first love, I was devastated. I needed as much information as possible in order to feel better about the situation.
You'd think that details of the affair would make it worse, but in reality having a timetable and explanation, as obtuse and practically full-of-shit as the person might be, is oddly calming. Nothing worse than constantly wondering how many times the person did it, where, when, how, why, and whatever the hell else. Even if the answers are completely fabricated, communicating with the person who had gone from being my love to private enemy number one made me feel at ease, despite truly disliking her at the same time.
Could you possibly deal without ever having any of your questions answered? Sure! But not everyone is like that. I simply want to stress the point that closure is important and not an overrated concept.
To use an even more innocuous example to illustrate my point, I got out of a very healthy 3.5 years relationship 4 months ago and still felt the need to have closure. Neither one of us cheated on each other; instead we had a disagreement about how to proceed going forward with our responsibilities and dedication to pursuing higher education and how our relationship would fit in. It ended swiftly once I said it wouldn't work out following a week's long break at her behest in order to consider how much free time we'd each have. The point is, it ended so quickly and with very little communication that I sometimes still feel like I didn't have enough closure, that we didn't share our feelings with one another as much as we should have.
We still speak once in a blue moon to inquire how the other is doing, but never do we talk about the relationship or breakup. For the first three months it was awful. I had depressive bouts where I wondered where things went wrong, but neither of us never communicated as much as we should have. Today I feel magnitudes better and would consider myself almost completely over it, but it wasn't easy.
The point is that closure is very important to a lot of people. Whether or not it is to you, OP, is a different story.
huh...how?
The flood of I'm Sorry texts will provide him that (with added lies no doubt) without the million problems that a mature conversation would provide.
Boom, there you go
You go out there, say your piece and be like this is over, I mean what are you going to do when she climbed in bed with uou
17 Seconds
Banned
something is amiss here
It's so hard to control your emotions and actions when you are dealing with a person you truly love and care about.
I disagree. There's still a chance the OP makes a different decision. Nothing to do with him, it's just human nature. We want things to be better.
#sorrynotsorry
Member
Once you're set to leave tomorrow, text her and tell her you've been thinking a lot about her and have a special surprise when she gets home. Then just leave a note explaining and a box of tissues.
It'll be the coldest night she's ever had.
If you want revenge of course.
It'll be the coldest night she's ever had.
If you want revenge of course.
Maybe she is happy with you but she seeks something you don't give her because whatever reason. Seriously, shouldn't you talk to her before ending something which might be a beautiful relationship?
A beautiful relationship with someone who lies and cheats behind your back? Lol
Cabbagehead
Member
Some you motherfuckers are savage but would also not do the things you suggest. lol
Plan as of now is to contact the letting agents and see if there's a way out of my lease agreement.
i don't want to live here, and certainly don't want to keep paying if I'm not there.
I can't. I've not got more right than her. Both our names are on the agreement and we went 50/50 on the deposit and advance etc
#sorrynotsorry
Member
Not if he can't trust her. If there's no trust then there's never a beautiful relationship.
Not if she invites mystery dick over
Which OP is going to have to come to terms with at this point it was heading in that direction
AudioEppa
Member
Bruhh, I love it! OP listen to this man or woman.
I honestly dont know how many times he has to say he just not interested in doing that.
Dang, that's cold.
It kind of avoids the confrontation, the arguing, the emotions. This might not be a bad idea.
Doing "what"? There is multiple sides to every story, I really don't think this is any different.
Cabbagehead
Member
Bro i'd like to believe that you're not actually writing these comments and you're keyboard was transported to an 80's cuckolding dating advice coach.
MisterR
Member
Jesus man, you're like a polygamy Jehovah's witness.
Dictator93
Member
.
edit a bit late... should probably read up on what happened.
edit2 :
Also good advice:
John Kowalski
Banned
So is she cheating or what?
Infernostew
Member
I Don't Wanna Hear It by Minor Threat
Cabbagehead
Member
That jump in logic is amazing.
I really don't want to promote polygamy or whatever. I just think he should talk first before doing something that is grounded in anger. What's wrong with finding out why before ending a relationship? Come on...
Lol
Some terrible advice itt, but this Gaf. I'd be shocked if any of these "relationship experts" have been in a relationship that lasted longer than 6 months.
From the sound of it, that's exactly what the OP is doing. Figuring out the lease situation and making up your mind about leaving does not necessarily mean he can't talk to her about it.
Oh no, that's actually just me. Sorry.
FallingEdge
Member
17 Seconds
Banned
what if OP has multiple personalities and the guy she's talking to is really him
ChaosZeroX
Banned
OP said he didn't see any, but that she described what she wanted to do sexually to dick pic guy
Well for me personally I only bother with confrontations that will change something.
I don't want to be with her after this, a confrontation isn't going to change anything.
I gave a silly example earlier about road rage, many people will get into a confrontation over someone cutting them up, they'll bang their horn, swear, get out of the car, and all for what?
Me now I leave the other drivers to it, while I just keep cruising along.
Or look at people in online games who will abuse each other, I don't react, what's the point. When I'd play online (before most people were in party chat) I'd encounter people throwin racist remarks, or telling me what they were going to do to my mother. I just ignored it, reacting will just get your blood pressure up and won't change anything.
I'm not a complete pushover though, if I feel a confrontation will change something then I'll do it.
Going back to my situation, if I bring it up now, and it ends up in an argument or stays calm what can I achieve out of it? Answers? I don't care about why she did it, she's done it it now, and that's it for me.
I don't care about excuses or justifications, I'm done. There's nothing that she could say, no reason that she could put forward that would make me change my mind.
And who know's maybe she's happy with it, maybe she'll end up with WhatsApp Dick (with motorbike profile picture). Good luck to her, he can then get angry and confront her when she likely does it to him....
Jesus.
Is this necesary?
Still, I laughed since I'm a vegetarian also. How worse does this makes me on a scale from 1 to 10? 
Don't let anyone tell you how to approach this shit. It's completely up to you.
If you want to ghost her that's your call. If it makes it so you can deal with this shit more efficiently then so be it.
She'll know what she's missing soon enough. Put it behind you and keep your chin up.
Is this necesary?
Still, I laughed since I'm a vegetarian also. How worse does this makes me on a scale from 1 to 10?
I'm going to eat a steak for dinner tonight, your thoughts?
She's done it once, she'll do it again. I think you're doing it right, staying calm will help.
17 Seconds
Banned
maybe OP is a terrible bf and she left the dick pic on her ipad as a hint for him to gtfo
KernelPanic
Member
This is only based on my experience but from what I've seen women do this if they don't get enough attention in a relationship and feel neglected emotionally. Assuming they're not crazy.
Some guy comes along, charms her and makes her feel special and before you know stuff starts happening behind your back.
best of luck OP, I've been in a similar situation and it's a pretty crappy feeling.
Some guy comes along, charms her and makes her feel special and before you know stuff starts happening behind your back.
best of luck OP, I've been in a similar situation and it's a pretty crappy feeling.
sometimes people cheat because they don't feel desired sexually by their partner, like they're taken for granted, which is something that can happen when you fall into a routine, regardless of love. This isn't justification, but sometimes there are reasons beyond just being bored or being a shitty person.
I see many people suggesting the need to talk to get closure, but that's a subjective position. I personally don;t get closure from highly emotionally charged conversation. What was said, the feelings I experienced, eat away at me. Personally clean break is best. That said I would still advocate some communication given how long they've been together. Sounds like they're on a lease together, they could have other accounts/assets intermingled. There's boring real life things that have to be sorted out.
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