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[BokehKing]

Oh she is into bad boys on bikes, and that bothers you and angers you..... yeah dude, girl don't appreciate you, let her go live out her fantasy and when she gets replaced by another chick 3 weeks later she will come crawling back, but you will have already moved on!!!

Spoiler

see you in the online dating thread!

 

[malingenie]

A lot of you truly fail to recognize the importance of closure. In even my worst relationship where my ex cheated on me several times, I needed closure. I didn't realize it then, but I did.

She cheated on me with her ex almost a year into the relationship, and being my first love, I was devastated. I needed as much information as possible in order to feel better about the situation.

You'd think that details of the affair would make it worse, but in reality having a timetable and explanation, as obtuse and practically full-of-shit as the person might be, is oddly calming. Nothing worse than constantly wondering how many times the person did it, where, when, how, why, and whatever the hell else. Even if the answers are completely fabricated, communicating with the person who had gone from being my love to private enemy number one made me feel at ease, despite truly disliking her at the same time.

Could you possibly deal without ever having any of your questions answered? Sure! But not everyone is like that. I simply want to stress the point that closure is important and not an overrated concept.

To use an even more innocuous example to illustrate my point, I got out of a very healthy 3.5 years relationship 4 months ago and still felt the need to have closure. Neither one of us cheated on each other; instead we had a disagreement about how to proceed going forward with our responsibilities and dedication to pursuing higher education and how our relationship would fit in. It ended swiftly once I said it wouldn't work out following a week's long break at her behest in order to consider how much free time we'd each have. The point is, it ended so quickly and with very little communication that I sometimes still feel like I didn't have enough closure, that we didn't share our feelings with one another as much as we should have.

We still speak once in a blue moon to inquire how the other is doing, but never do we talk about the relationship or breakup. For the first three months it was awful. I had depressive bouts where I wondered where things went wrong, but neither of us never communicated as much as we should have. Today I feel magnitudes better and would consider myself almost completely over it, but it wasn't easy.

The point is that closure is very important to a lot of people. Whether or not it is to you, OP, is a different story.

Closure is overrated, what benefit will you get from hearing her say "I like dick?"

 

[Oveja Negra]

A lot of you truly fail to recognize the importance of closure. In even my worst relationship where my ex cheated on me several times, I needed closure. I didn't realize it then, but I did.

The point is that closure is very important to a lot of people, where the even the best and worst moments require it. Whether or not you do, OP, is a different story.

OP, listen to this guy cause he is right.

A proper closure is needed and you achieve that having an adult and as calm as possible conversation about what happened.

No, it's not to try to sort it out. She betrayed you and that means the relationship is over, but you really need to let her know what you find out and how it made you feel.

Then and only then you can move on, otherwise this will haunt you for a good amount of time and that's not healthy, on the contrary.

 

[Brazil]

something is amiss here

It must be those government dogs.

 

[TheOfficeMut]

Closure is overrated, what benefit will you get from hearing her say "I like dick?"

I've said what I had to say and clearly closure isn't important to you, but don't be such a dismissive prick and say it's overrated. It's an innate emotional need. The hell is wrong with you?

 

[Daffy Duck]

How long did you sign your tennancy for?

 

[PodcastFips]

I would feel the same way as OP. Out of experience, if something like this happens to me, I'd try to break up without getting into the usual bitch fight. It's really not worth it.

 

[Dictator93]

Closure is overrated, what benefit will you get from hearing her say "I like dick?"

It may help you realise there is no problem with "you"; It may help you understand the other person better because you loved them for so long; it may allow you to realise who they actually can be. Etc...

A personal inner peace with these things, even if you completely cut off everything after it all (I have burned the bridge 2x in my life now), can be useful for some.

Obviously things like this are complex and uncomfortable, but it is definitely highly subjective what one needs to get over it.

 

[Metalingus5150]

Yeah make sure you take care of that lease. Don't fuck up your credit, that's really important, don't let your emotions ruin your credit.

 

[TM94]

At least yell at her and upload it for us to see.

 

[Nealand Liquor]

This is only based on my experience but from what I've seen women do this if they don't get enough attention in a relationship and feel neglected emotionally. Assuming they're not crazy.

Some guy comes along, charms her and makes her feel special and before you know stuff starts happening behind your back.

best of luck OP, I've been in a similar situation and it's a pretty crappy feeling.

So beautifully convenient that they get to cheat and remain a victim. Ot's one thing of someone cuts off all affection and no effort is made to change after talking/counselling. It is completely another to suggest it's understandable to cheat because somebody has a hobby that takes up a few hours a week.

 

[malingenie]

I've said what I had to say and clearly closure isn't important to you, but don't be such a dismissive prick and say it's overrated. It's an innate emotional need. The hell is wrong with you?

Sorry if I hurt you, it wasn't my intention. I should have said closure is overrated "to me". Also, as a psychologist, let me question your stated fact "It's an innate emotional need." You will find that some schools of thoughts would not adscribe to that notion.

 

[Matty8787]

Man just chuck all her shit outside the door with the ipad on top... Dont leave the apartment fot her have it yourself. Hit the gym and then bring back all the ladies.

Fuck her.

 

[Brazil]

So beautifully convenient that they get to cheat and remain a victim. Ot's one thing of someone cuts off all affection and no effort is made to change after talking/counselling. It is completely another to suggest it's understandable to cheat because somebody has a hobby that takes up a few hours a week.

There's no reason to turn this into a misogynist thread. Both men and women do the same shit in terms of cheating.

 

[Pancake Mix]

Glad the "open" relationship evangelism has cooled down, OP had no interest in that as he calmly stated repeatedly. I'm with him.

 

[tearsintherain]

You a boss OP, handling this shit maturely and well. I've been married 25 years, ups and downs and a lot of near fatal relationship hits but when its the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you know it and neither one of you will ever take that step that crosses the line.

My neighbor confessed to his wife a few months ago that he has been sleeping with a co-worker for a couple of years. They have 2 kids, its devastating their entire family. Whenever kids are involved its completely fucked up for everyone. So as bad as things are for you, at least no one else is being hurt.

It didn't work for you this time, but you'll eventually find someone who feels the same way about you as you do about them. Relationships definitely need to be constantly maintained, even to this day after 3 kids (all out of the house) me and my wife still have weekly date nights and I try to surprise her at least once a month with something she loves, because I know the beginning of the end is boredom.

 

[Honey Bunny]

sometimes people cheat because they don't feel desired sexually by their partner, like they're taken for granted, which is something that can happen when you fall into a routine, regardless of love. This isn't justification, but sometimes there are reasons beyond just being bored or being a shitty person.

Cheating instead of talking out your problems does make you a shitty person.

 

[aliengmr]

Say nothing until you get everything sorted out then...

 

[Alpha Centauri]

I've said what I had to say and clearly closure isn't important to you, but don't be such a dismissive prick and say it's overrated. It's an innate emotional need. The hell is wrong with you?

Closure takes two to participate. It's a valid question. What happens when the person you want closure from says "fuck you, I wanted extra dick?" or "I don't know I just am not happy".

Closure is for the 5 year relationships where you have to go seperate ways due to long distance or something.

Closure is great. It's also naive to expect you'll get it from someone who cheated or is looking to cheat on you.

 

[Zukuu]

4 years is not an insignificant amount of time, OP.

I dunno...I just can't believe you won't regret not having talked/argued about it in the future. Get answers while you can.

And that due to a mere dick pick. He doesn't even know if she actually knows this guy and doesn't seem to even bother finding out. Seems like the relationship meant nothing to him.

 

[MisterR]

And that due to a mere dick pick. He doesn't even know if she actually knows this guy and doesn't seem to even bother finding out. Seems like the relationship meant nothing to him.

Seems a lot more like it meant nothing to her.

 

[j0hnnix]

Cheating instead of talking out your problems does make you a shitty person.

Yup.

OP is fine leaving. Honestly if the lease is attached to both he will need to eventually talk with her.. but talk about the break up, what she did, find closure,no..if she didnt care enough about his feelings, OP shouldnt care about hers. the chick isn't worth it anymore.

 

[Hylian7]

And that due to a mere dick pick. He doesn't even know if she actually knows this guy and doesn't seem to even bother finding out. Seems like the relationship meant nothing to him.

He already said they were talking in a sexual manner...does it really matter if she "knows" him? She's already looking to cheat.

 

[TheOfficeMut]

Sorry if I hurt you, it wasn't my intention. I should have said closure is overrated "to me". Also, as a psychologist, let me question your stated fact "It's an innate emotional need." You will find that some schools of thoughts would not adscribe to that notion.

If closure is to quite literally bring to a close the ambiguity of a situation, then my desire to seek out closure is fueled by a need to have definite knowledge of a situation in order to feel content and satisfied. Whether it is an emotional need is irrelevant, as I may have ascribed that word inappropriately; my point still stands that it is an innate feeling or desire for an answer or explanation that many people need.

Closure takes two to participate. It's a valid question. What happens when the person you want closure from says "fuck you, I wanted extra dick?" or "I don't know I just am not happy".

Closure is for the 5 year relationships where you have to go seperate ways due to long distance or something.

Closure is great. It's also naive to expect you'll get it from someone who cheated or is looking to cheat on you.

The statement of "I wanted extra dick" could still serve the purpose of providing closure, because if a person wants to affirm that he or she is not at fault for infidelity, then such an answer would suffice.

As I said in my original post, when my ex cheated on me, I still required closure. It went without saying that she wanted to have sex with someone else, but I also uncovered much more: she needed more emotional investment, she had an opportunity and seized it, she missed her ex, and so on. I didn't internalize any of these answers to blame myself, but they were concrete answers that made the situation less ambiguous.

 

[qcf x2]

You a boss OP, handling this shit maturely and well. I've been married 25 years, ups and downs and a lot of near fatal relationship hits but when its the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you know it and neither one of you will ever take that step that crosses the line.

My neighbor confessed to his wife a few months ago that he has been sleeping with a co-worker for a couple of years. They have 2 kids, its devastating their entire family. Whenever kids are involved its completely fucked up for everyone. So as bad as things are for you, at least no one else is being hurt.

NickYoung???.gif

I get what you're saying, still it's a bit jarring. Your neighbors probably thought the same as what you said.

 

[Kill Your Masters]

And that due to a mere dick pick. He doesn't even know if she actually knows this guy and doesn't seem to even bother finding out. Seems like the relationship meant nothing to him.

Read his other posts. It is not just the dick pic.

 

[ChaosZeroX]

And that due to a mere dick pick. He doesn't even know if she actually knows this guy and doesn't seem to even bother finding out. Seems like the relationship meant nothing to him.

What does her knowing that guy have anything to do with this? What sense does that make?

Regardless if OP was married to her for 30 years or together for 2 months. A dick pic from another dude is a complete betrayal of his Trust and her describing what she wants to do to said dick makes it even worse.

 

[Mistake]

A lot of you truly fail to recognize the importance of closure

For me closure did nothing, if anything it made things worse. I had no idea there was some asshole at my ex's work twisting her thoughts the whole time we were dating, thereby turning into a backup when things got sour. Most things you hear will just make you think "what could I have done different?" Instead of remembering the other person is just not an adult that knows what they want.

But like you said, to each their own

 

[Reeks]

Glad the "open" relationship evangelism has cooled down, OP had no interest in that as he calmly stated repeatedly. I'm with him.

Honestly me, too, and I'm in an open relationship. It's not for everyone and has nothing to do with the OT. Oh and by the way, it's absolutely possible to cheat in an open relationship- it means you step outside the agreed upon boundaries- yes, we have boundaries, too. I feel misrepresented, for sure. Anyways, the point is, what the OP's GF did was not ok, whatsoever. On the other hand, people fuck up- if you want to make it work and can, do it. If not, that's ok, too.

 

[Herr Starr]

What the heck is up with all you people encouraging the guy to stalk the other guy, play mean pranks on the girlfriend, or any other thing that doesn't involve straight out having a conversation with the girlfriend before reaching a decision?

It doesn't matter if you can't figure out a proper explanation for what's going on. She deserves to explain herself before she's kicked out.

So many of the world's problems are caused by a lack of communication. Don't be one of the people who fall into that trap, OP. You might be right about all your concerns. But you might not. This is why we have communication. You don't just have a one-sided conversation in your own head. Act like an adult.

 

[FunkyPajamas]

Well for me personally I only bother with confrontations that will change something.

I don't want to be with her after this, a confrontation isn't going to change anything.

I gave a silly example earlier about road rage, many people will get into a confrontation over someone cutting them up, they'll bang their horn, swear, get out of the car, and all for what?

Me now I leave the other drivers to it, while I just keep cruising along.

Or look at people in online games who will abuse each other, I don't react, what's the point. When I'd play online (before most people were in party chat) I'd encounter people throwin racist remarks, or telling me what they were going to do to my mother. I just ignored it, reacting will just get your blood pressure up and won't change anything.

I'm not a complete pushover though, if I feel a confrontation will change something then I'll do it.

Going back to my situation, if I bring it up now, and it ends up in an argument or stays calm what can I achieve out of it? Answers? I don't care about why she did it, she's done it it now, and that's it for me.

I don't care about excuses or justifications, I'm done. There's nothing that she could say, no reason that she could put forward that would make me change my mind.

And who know's maybe she's happy with it, maybe she'll end up with WhatsApp Dick (with motorbike profile picture). Good luck to her, he can then get angry and confront her when she likely does it to him....

You should probably ask her about the whole deal if only to rule out STDs. You've mentioned there's been no change in her behavior so you probably don't know if she's done this before.

 

[-ImaginaryInsider]

A lot of you truly fail to recognize the importance of closure.

99% of the time "closure" is a poor excuse to justify contacting an ex.

Closure can be achieved lots of ways, most take distance and time, there are a lot of dangers trying to have a major heart to heart conversation a day/week/month after cheating takes place.

Since he's dumping his ex, she will likely chase him for awhile, distancing himself is smarter than seeking closure right now.

Not everybody finds closure the same way, and sometimes it's just not possible.

 

[SilentRacoon]

To be honest I'm sure my dick was not the reason. If it had been I'm sure she would never have kept sleeping with me at the start.

Ultimately she was unhappy, if she was 100% happy she wouldn't need to look elsewhere. Maybe it was the routine the relationship had become, maybe she was bored of the sex, maybe she was bored of me and just fancied someone "fresh", sex is always different with someone new.

Or perhaps she's just one of those people that's incapable of being faithful. Regardless of the reason, if she was unhappy she should have just ended the relationship in my opinion.

lol, It was a lame joke meant to say that it was in fact you the guy that sent the dick pick.

Regardless, 100% agree with how you feel about it.

 

[backflip10019]

OP, you're really nailing the acting like an adult thing. Approaching this with poise, confidence and no scruples at all. Really commendable.

 

[TheOfficeMut]

99% of the time "closure" is a poor excuse to justify contacting an ex.

Closure can be achieved lots of ways, most take distance and time, there are a lot of dangers trying to have a major heart to heart conversation a day/week/month after cheating takes place.

Since he's dumping his ex, she will likely chase him for awhile, distancing himself is smarter than seeking closure right now.

Not everybody finds closure the same way, and sometimes it's just not possible.

Aside from adding a few more points, you practically agree with me. I didn't say everyone requires the same thing or that closure is as important to you as it is to me.

 

[qcf x2]

There is so much bad advice in here. How do you all go through life? Running away from every confrontation? Wtf.

And that due to a mere dick pick. He doesn't even know if she actually knows this guy and doesn't seem to even bother finding out. Seems like the relationship meant nothing to him.

Good job dude.

 

[PackerinMN]

You're doing the right thing, but it's sure not as entertaining.

 

[Schlorgan]

Fuck her.

Don't do that. ;p

 

[Figboy79]

OCD, you know how this is going to go.

A confrontation is inevitable, and you avoiding it and trying to just bounce out of her life like some mic drop isn't badassery, it's cowardice. I know the emotions are high. The anger, the betrayal, and you are deep in that emotional muck, believe me, I've been there, but avoiding talking to her isn't the best move.

Putting it off tomorrow is only going to put you on the defensive. Why? Because you'll confront her tomorrow, and she'll counter with, "You knew since yesterday? Why are you bringing it up now?" and then you'll have lost control of the conversation, because you'll be fumbling for a response as to why you sat on this for a full day before talking to her about it. You're being super passive aggressive right now, and that's just not a productive way to get out of this relationship as cleanly as possible.

Talking to her isn't to try and repair things. It's to lay out what is going on, why it's happening, and to express in no uncertain terms that you're through with this relationship. You can hash out the rental lease agreement tomorrow as planned, but there's literally no point in trying to "hurt her" as you put it. Think about it this way. If you confront her now, handle your business tomorrow, then leave, when her friends or anyone else are asking what happened in the relationship, and she tells them why, what's going to hurt her the most is that her friends or family, are going to be siding with you. Because you didn't act like a baby and try and get her by just upping and leaving with no warning. That's petty and immature.

Thoughts of revenge feel really good in the moment, but anger fades, and in the end, both of you will be looking like jackasses if you take the route of avoiding confrontation and just leaving.

I've made the mistake of going to bed angry. Fuming over something my wife said or did that upset me (while she happily went about her night and slept like a baby), and tried to wait until the next day to confront her about it. It doesn't feel good. Over the years, I learned to be upfront about what was bothering me, and telling her straight up. And she does the same. We've been together 13 years, married for 7, and while we don't really fight (maybe 2 times a year, tops), and both of us hate confrontation, we always talk about our issues. I'm not perfect. Neither is she. The point I'm trying to make isn't to get you to stay with your girlfriend. God no. That's done. The relationship is over. But the point is to express that avoiding the inevitable isn't the best option.

I mean, you're going to go to bed upset whether you talk to her or not. You're going to go through your work day tomorrow upset whether you talk to her or not. The relationship is over whether you talk to her or not, but why go to sleep with the burden of what you know on your shoulder while she is oblivious to your pain? The goal isn't to hurt her, but to start the process of healing and getting over the relationship sooner rather than later.

I wish you the best, but in the end, you want to be coming out of this looking better than her. She already fucked up by cheating. You handling it like an adult and being responsible is the best form of revenge. Talk to her. Tell her it's over. Hear what she has to say. Find out about your lease agreement. Then leave, and never talk to her again. It'll eat her up that she can't throw anything you've done back in your face. She got busted fair and square, and she knows it.

It feels good when word from the grapevine comes down, and her friends and family think you were in the right.

 

[Pakoe]

OP, you're really nailing the acting like an adult thing. Approaching this with poise, confidence and no scruples at all. Really commendable.

Agreed, well played OP.

 

[The Beard]

What does her knowing that guy have anything to do with this? What sense does that make?

Regardless if OP was married to her for 30 years or together for 2 months. A dick pic from another dude is a complete betrayal of his Trust and her describing what she wants to do to said dick makes it ever worse.

The dick pic itself doesn't mean anything, it's what she was doing before and after the dick pic that matters. If it had been a random dick pick from someone she was having a non sexual conversation with, that obviously wouldn't be her fault. But telling the guy what she wants to do with the D is a total dealbreaker. If I was in OP's situation, I'd leave her too.

 

[masud]

Idk seems like she may be trying to end it herself and just going about it in a cowardly way. Why else would she leave that conversation up on an iPad that she knows you use?

 

[Woetyler]

OCD, you know how this is going to go.

A confrontation is inevitable, and you avoiding it and trying to just bounce out of her life like some mic drop isn't badassery, it's cowardice. I know the emotions are high. The anger, the betrayal, and you are deep in that emotional muck, believe me, I've been there, but avoiding talking to her isn't the best move.

Putting it off tomorrow is only going to put you on the defensive. Why? Because you'll confront her tomorrow, and she'll counter with, "You knew since yesterday? Why are you bringing it up now?" and then you'll have lost control of the conversation, because you'll be fumbling for a response as to why you sat on this for a full day before talking to her about it.

Talking to her isn't to try and repair things. It's to lay out what is going on, why it's happening, and to express in no uncertain terms that you're through with this relationship. You can hash out the rental lease agreement tomorrow as planned, but there's literally no point in trying to "hurt her" as you put it. Think about it this way. If you confront her now, handle your business tomorrow, then leave, when her friends or anyone else are asking what happened in the relationship, and she tells them why, what's going to hurt her the most is that her friends or family, are going to be siding with you. Because you didn't act like a baby and try and get her by just upping and leaving with no warning. That's petty and immature.

Thoughts of revenge feel really good in the moment, but anger fades, and in the end, both of you will be looking like jackasses if you take the route of avoiding confrontation and just leaving.

I've made the mistake of going to be angry. Fuming over something my wife said or did that upset me, but tried to wait until the next day to confront her about it. It doesn't feel good. Over the years, I learned to be upfront about what was bothering me, and telling her straight up. And she does the same. We've been together 13 years, married for 7, and while we don't really fight (maybe 2 times a year, tops), and both of us hate confrontation, we always talk about our issues. I'm not perfect. Neither is she. The point I'm trying to make isn't to get you to stay with your girlfriend. God no. That's done. The relationship is over. But the point is to express that avoiding the inevitable isn't the best option.

I mean, you're going to go to bed upset whether you talk to her or not. You're going to go through your work day tomorrow upset whether you talk to her or not. The relationship is over whether you talk to her or not, but why go to sleep with the burden of what you know on your shoulder while she is oblivious to your pain? The goal isn't to hurt her, but to start the process of healing and getting over the relationship sooner rather than later.

I wish you the best, but in the end, you want to be coming out of this looking better than her. She already fucked up by cheating. You handling it like an adult and being responsible is the best form of revenge. Talk to her. Tell her it's over. Hear what she has to say. Find out about your lease agreement. Then leave, and never talk to her again. It'll eat her up that she can't throw anything you've done back in your face. She got busted fair and square, and she knows it.

It feels good when word from the grapevine comes down, and her friends and family think you were in the right.

This.

 

[FUNKNOWN iXi]

OP sounds emotionally stable and strong as an individual, so I think this closure through communication is not as important as some are making it out to be.

His closure was seeing what him needed to see.

 

[Herr Starr]

OP, you're really nailing the acting like an adult thing. Approaching this with poise, confidence and no scruples at all. Really commendable.

Adults talk to each other.

 

[Morat]

Agreed, well played OP.

Agreed, although he appears to be handling it with scruples and decency.

 

[lifa-cobex]

Well for me personally I only bother with confrontations that will change something.

I don't want to be with her after this, a confrontation isn't going to change anything.

I gave a silly example earlier about road rage, many people will get into a confrontation over someone cutting them up, they'll bang their horn, swear, get out of the car, and all for what?

Me now I leave the other drivers to it, while I just keep cruising along.

Or look at people in online games who will abuse each other, I don't react, what's the point. When I'd play online (before most people were in party chat) I'd encounter people throwin racist remarks, or telling me what they were going to do to my mother. I just ignored it, reacting will just get your blood pressure up and won't change anything.

I'm not a complete pushover though, if I feel a confrontation will change something then I'll do it.

Going back to my situation, if I bring it up now, and it ends up in an argument or stays calm what can I achieve out of it? Answers? I don't care about why she did it, she's done it it now, and that's it for me.

I don't care about excuses or justifications, I'm done. There's nothing that she could say, no reason that she could put forward that would make me change my mind.

And who know's maybe she's happy with it, maybe she'll end up with WhatsApp Dick (with motorbike profile picture). Good luck to her, he can then get angry and confront her when she likely does it to him....

I like where your coming from and you seem chill as fuck, but were talking four years down the drain.
You are owed an explanation and your giving her a free ticket out of this.

It's the sort of thing that might bother you later in life.
Personally I think you should kick off chap.

At least for some closure. You might wake up later in life really pissed by this.

More power to you though mate.
Good luck.

 

[ChaosZeroX]

OCD, you know how this is going to go.

A confrontation is inevitable, and you avoiding it and trying to just bounce out of her life like some mic drop isn't badassery, it's cowardice. I know the emotions are high. The anger, the betrayal, and you are deep in that emotional muck, believe me, I've been there, but avoiding talking to her isn't the best move.

Putting it off tomorrow is only going to put you on the defensive. Why? Because you'll confront her tomorrow, and she'll counter with, "You knew since yesterday? Why are you bringing it up now?" and then you'll have lost control of the conversation, because you'll be fumbling for a response as to why you sat on this for a full day before talking to her about it.

Talking to her isn't to try and repair things. It's to lay out what is going on, why it's happening, and to express in no uncertain terms that you're through with this relationship. You can hash out the rental lease agreement tomorrow as planned, but there's literally no point in trying to "hurt her" as you put it. Think about it this way. If you confront her now, handle your business tomorrow, then leave, when her friends or anyone else are asking what happened in the relationship, and she tells them why, what's going to hurt her the most is that her friends or family, are going to be siding with you. Because you didn't act like a baby and try and get her by just upping and leaving with no warning. That's petty and immature.

Thoughts of revenge feel really good in the moment, but anger fades, and in the end, both of you will be looking like jackasses if you take the route of avoiding confrontation and just leaving.

I've made the mistake of going to be angry. Fuming over something my wife said or did that upset me, but tried to wait until the next day to confront her about it. It doesn't feel good. Over the years, I learned to be upfront about what was bothering me, and telling her straight up. And she does the same. We've been together 13 years, married for 7, and while we don't really fight (maybe 2 times a year, tops), and both of us hate confrontation, we always talk about our issues. I'm not perfect. Neither is she. The point I'm trying to make isn't to get you to stay with your girlfriend. God no. That's done. The relationship is over. But the point is to express that avoiding the inevitable isn't the best option.

I mean, you're going to go to bed upset whether you talk to her or not. You're going to go through your work day tomorrow upset whether you talk to her or not. The relationship is over whether you talk to her or not, but why go to sleep with the burden of what you know on your shoulder while she is oblivious to your pain? The goal isn't to hurt her, but to start the process of healing and getting over the relationship sooner rather than later.

I wish you the best, but in the end, you want to be coming out of this looking better than her. She already fucked up by cheating. You handling it like an adult and being responsible is the best form of revenge. Talk to her. Tell her it's over. Hear what she has to say. Find out about your lease agreement. Then leave, and never talk to her again. It'll eat her up that she can't throw anything you've done back in your face. She got busted fair and square, and she knows it.

It feels good when word from the grapevine comes down, and her friends and family think you were in the right.

Fantastic advice.

 

[Jokab]

OCD, you know how this is going to go.

A confrontation is inevitable, and you avoiding it and trying to just bounce out of her life like some mic drop isn't badassery, it's cowardice. I know the emotions are high. The anger, the betrayal, and you are deep in that emotional muck, believe me, I've been there, but avoiding talking to her isn't the best move.

Putting it off tomorrow is only going to put you on the defensive. Why? Because you'll confront her tomorrow, and she'll counter with, "You knew since yesterday? Why are you bringing it up now?" and then you'll have lost control of the conversation, because you'll be fumbling for a response as to why you sat on this for a full day before talking to her about it.

Talking to her isn't to try and repair things. It's to lay out what is going on, why it's happening, and to express in no uncertain terms that you're through with this relationship. You can hash out the rental lease agreement tomorrow as planned, but there's literally no point in trying to "hurt her" as you put it. Think about it this way. If you confront her now, handle your business tomorrow, then leave, when her friends or anyone else are asking what happened in the relationship, and she tells them why, what's going to hurt her the most is that her friends or family, are going to be siding with you. Because you didn't act like a baby and try and get her by just upping and leaving with no warning. That's petty and immature.

Thoughts of revenge feel really good in the moment, but anger fades, and in the end, both of you will be looking like jackasses if you take the route of avoiding confrontation and just leaving.

I've made the mistake of going to be angry. Fuming over something my wife said or did that upset me, but tried to wait until the next day to confront her about it. It doesn't feel good. Over the years, I learned to be upfront about what was bothering me, and telling her straight up. And she does the same. We've been together 13 years, married for 7, and while we don't really fight (maybe 2 times a year, tops), and both of us hate confrontation, we always talk about our issues. I'm not perfect. Neither is she. The point I'm trying to make isn't to get you to stay with your girlfriend. God no. That's done. The relationship is over. But the point is to express that avoiding the inevitable isn't the best option.

I mean, you're going to go to bed upset whether you talk to her or not. You're going to go through your work day tomorrow upset whether you talk to her or not. The relationship is over whether you talk to her or not, but why go to sleep with the burden of what you know on your shoulder while she is oblivious to your pain? The goal isn't to hurt her, but to start the process of healing and getting over the relationship sooner rather than later.

I wish you the best, but in the end, you want to be coming out of this looking better than her. She already fucked up by cheating. You handling it like an adult and being responsible is the best form of revenge. Talk to her. Tell her it's over. Hear what she has to say. Find out about your lease agreement. Then leave, and never talk to her again. It'll eat her up that she can't throw anything you've done back in your face. She got busted fair and square, and she knows it.

It feels good when word from the grapevine comes down, and her friends and family think you were in the right.

Yeah just do this OP.

 

[TM94]

Go in the studio with Taylor Swift.