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[InfiniteBento]

There is nothing wrong with being introverted, you are absolutely right but he could have stuck up for himself and still not lashed out. Too dig your head in the sand and tell yourself that you will find what your looking for because you deserve better isn't good advice. He clearly has confidence issues, and if he keeps looking to date without addressing and working on that problem, he will continue to get taken advantage of.

What good would him sticking up for himself have done? Especially considering OP already stated how his parents believe him despite her performance in front of them. It would have been completely unnecessary and detrimental almost.

And in regards to confidence, OP has already started talking to other girls and sticking himself out there. He has confidence but yeah, sure, its not 100%. Shit takes time especially considering he took a hit from being cheated on which definitely didn't help. He is still trying.

 

[d9b]

She left her key, So she can't come back.

I just want to emphasise that I didn't react more out of respect for my parents, they are a bit prim and proper and they don't like all that sort of stuff.

It wasn't anything at all to do with my ex, or not wanting to upset her, or worried about her or her friends reaction.

We've got seperate circles, yeah we would do like couple nights, but the guys were acquaintances. Her friends might think I'm a cunt, but that won't matter. It's not as though their opinions will effect me.

You did good OP. Bullet dodged, good riddance to her. Protect OLED, change locks and get some rest. Try not to dwell on it.

 

[Blackleg-sanji1]

The lock change is something I'm obviously going to mention to the estate agent, but as of now I can't do it.

The first step is obviously the assigning of the tenancy which she'll have to sign.

I need to take things one step at a time, I'm still waiting for a melt down where she refuses to do it or something and then claims that I took her key from her. Although I'm probably just paranoid.

Paranoid... reading your responses op you aren't paranoid enough in this situation

 

[Sephzilla]

The lock change is something I'm obviously going to mention to the estate agent, but as of now I can't do it.

The first step is obviously the assigning of the tenancy which she'll have to sign.

I need to take things one step at a time, I'm still waiting for a melt down where she refuses to do it or something and then claims that I took her key from her. Although I'm probably just paranoid.

1) Were your parents with you when she surrendered the key?

2) Keep your landlord informed of the situation. Basically try to beat her to the punch so she can't try to double cross you at the end. You aren't being paranoid here

 

[daveo42]

She turned up after work and I locked her out last night so she had nowhere to go, I didn't tell her why I locked her out, I've been really distant with her and it's because I've been seeing people behind her back and I've not been nice to her at all, she just can't deal with it anymore, so she want's to grab her stuff and leave.

You have infinitely more patience and willpower than I think I will ever have OP.

 

[Camwi]

The lock change is something I'm obviously going to mention to the estate agent, but as of now I can't do it.

The first step is obviously the assigning of the tenancy which she'll have to sign.

I need to take things one step at a time, I'm still waiting for a melt down where she refuses to do it or something and then claims that I took her key from her. Although I'm probably just paranoid.

That shit sounds likely, dude.

 

[Chabbles]

That shit talk to the parents is too much, damn.... You should be happy OP in some respects, this whole incident has brought out her true colors, better to see now than get deeper in.

 

[OCD Guy]

Not to worry you, but be prepared

All I can do is wait and see.

For tonight it looks like it's Just Eat (Uk guys will know about that), some gaming, and probably porn to get my frustration out.

Were your parents with you when she surrendered the key?

Yeah there were 6 of us in the room. But it's more the claims would go straight to the estate agent, landlord etc, and even if they're false it just prolongs things.

 

[TheContact]

If you have a wife and 2 kids together, you'd likely know whether or not she has a friend named "Jess" by this time in your relationship. Time to check out those cell phone records, dude. Sorry....I know it sucks. Went through a pretty similar scenario. And she denied, denied, denied, despite absolute proof once I started digging.

So I called my wife a bit later to talk and she didn't answer so I ended up calling this Jeff guy and I asked if he knew who I was and he said no. I asked if he knew my wife and said they were friends. Then I asked why he was chatting my wife on snapchat and then he hung up.

I called my wife a bit later and she answered and I asked who this Jeff person was, and she admitted in short that she was her backup plan. Things between my wife and I haven't been the greatest lately and she said she needed a plan of someone to support her in case we split up.

I had an hour on my lunch break to talk to her and has to go and she asked me what I wanted to do but I didn't have an answer yet.

Full disclosure: she says she's unhappy because she doesn't feel like she comes first (i play video games after the kids go to bed most nights) and she says I don't listen well enough.

she claims she never sent any pics to him and that he never sent any pics either but this was a guy she's been friends with behind my back since we have been together (7 years) and about 10 years ago she slept with him. She did say he has been hitting her up fairly often to hang out but according to her she hasn't hung out with him since we have been together. She did admit it was fucked up of her to talk to him like that, she went to him for emotional support and talked to him about her problems with our relationship.
I don't know what to do. I think I should just move out. Or maybe it's my fault for not giving her all of my free time

 

[GHG]

The lock change is something I'm obviously going to mention to the estate agent, but as of now I can't do it.

The first step is obviously the assigning of the tenancy which she'll have to sign.

I need to take things one step at a time, I'm still waiting for a melt down where she refuses to do it or something and then claims that I took her key from her. Although I'm probably just paranoid.

If she even attempts to fuck things up moving forwards then you need to lay the smack down.

Get that screenshot to the ready. I have a feeling you might need it. Her bitch friend seems like she likes drama, this isn't the end of it.

 

[KingSnake]

The lock change is something I'm obviously going to mention to the estate agent, but as of now I can't do it.

The first step is obviously the assigning of the tenancy which she'll have to sign.

I need to take things one step at a time, I'm still waiting for a melt down where she refuses to do it or something and then claims that I took her key from her. Although I'm probably just paranoid.

You should be prepared for a lot of delaying in signing this, I think.

If she even attempts to fuck things up moving forwards then you need to lay the smack down.

Get that screenshot to the ready. I have a feeling you might need it. Her bitch friend seems like she likes drama, this isn't the end of it.

That would be blackmail and it would be a very very bad idea.

 

[Cindi Mayweather]

Do your parents know the truth? Or did they only see her performance side of the story?

 

[Deleted member 10571]

Damnit, wrong thread.

 

[SugarDave]

She will want the lie to stay a lie.

One day she'll see through the lies she's built up. You can't run from yourself forever.

Latest photo of OP's ex:

 

[Trouble]

Change the locks!

This x1,000,000. Make sure she can't get in and fuck up your shit while you are out.

 

[Lashley]

All I can do is wait and see.

For tonight it looks like it's Just Eat (Uk guys will know about that), some gaming, and probably porn to get my frustration out.



Yeah there were 6 of us in the room. But it's more the claims would go straight to the estate agent, landlord etc, and even if they're false it just prolongs things.

Good man

 

[Condom]

I would snap so hard at the lying

 

[OCD Guy]

Do your parents know the truth? Or did they only see her performance side of the story?

They have my word, I've not shown them the conversation.

As I said earlier my parents are prim and proper (and a bit prudish). As I said they know better than anyone what type of person I am so they know it's fake.

 

[GHG]

You should be prepared for a lot of delaying in signing this, I think.



That would be blackmail and it would be a very very bad idea.

It's not blackmail if you just unleash it.

 

[Figboy79]

I appreciate that there's 3 sides to a story, if she was posting here I'm sure she'd have a version where I was a terrible boyfriend and there would be justification to do what she did.

I know I'm not perfect, and maybe I don't spend as much time with her as she likes, maybe me playing the PS4 too much instead of having sex with her was why she ended up looking elsewhere.

I just think that regardless of all that, the moment she felt unhappy she should have told me. When I played too much football manager she made it clear by throwing my laptop.

Maybe I need a woman that's into games, I sometimes read about people who say they game together, and that sounds great, but the woman I meet aren't into gaming at all.

I admit that having a wife that's into gaming like me is fucking amazing. She's been a gamer since she was a little girl, so I built her her own gaming PC so she can play shit like Skyrim with mods, and she has her own PS4 so she can play Dragon Age, Bloodborne, Dark Souls 3 and whatever else. I think she plays Minecraft still. She's stoked for No Man's Sky as well. If a game has co-op, we'll play it together. We don't always like the same games, but she at least understands my love of gaming and doesn't try to control my hobby (although, to be fair, you shouldn't be trying to control your significant other's hobby anyway, unless it truly is detracting from your relationship).

 

[maquiladora]

Fuck me, Stranger Things is cool so far. Half into Episode 2.

Dude....

 

[Cindi Mayweather]

They have my word, I've not shown them the conversation.

As I said earlier my parents are prim and proper (and a bit prudish). As I said they know better than anyone what type of person I am so they know it's fake.

Good.

My mother would have slapped the shit out of her.

 

[KingSnake]

It's not blackmail if you just unleash it.

How would that be useful? She would sign the papers after that? Why?

 

[Always-honest]

So I called my wife a bit later to talk and she didn't answer so I ended up calling this Jeff guy and I asked if he knew who I was and he said no. I asked if he knew my wife and said they were friends. Then I asked why he was chatting my wife on snapchat and then he hung up.

I called my wife a bit later and she answered and I asked who this Jeff person was, and she admitted in short that she was her backup plan. Things between my wife and I haven't been the greatest lately and she said she needed a plan of someone to support her in case we split up.

I had an hour on my lunch break to talk to her and has to go and she asked me what I wanted to do but I didn't have an answer yet.

Full disclosure: she says she's unhappy because she doesn't feel like she comes first (i play video games after the kids go to bed most nights) and she says I don't listen well enough.

she claims she never sent any pics to him and that he never sent any pics either but this was a guy she's been friends with behind my back since we have been together (7 years) and about 10 years ago she slept with him. She did say he has been hitting her up fairly often to hang out but according to her she hasn't hung out with him since we have been together. She did admit it was fucked up of her to talk to him like that, she went to him for emotional support and talked to him about her problems with our relationship.
I don't know what to do. I think I should just move out. Or maybe it's my fault for not giving her all of my free time

Take time to talk to her. I know a lot of couples who just share a house and hardly talk. If you neglected her, apologise. See if both of you are willing to fight for the relationship.

This is a critical point in the relationship.
You both have kids so it's well worth to at least have an indepth conversation with her.

Best of luck!

 

[thiscoldblack]

OCD, stay strong my friend. Have some company over and try to have as much fun as possible. Keep busy. These upcoming days will be hard.

 

[kame-sennin]

I've learnt that life is too short, I try and not get annoyed by things I can't change.

Losing my temper changes nothing, and just get's me stressed.

I gave an example of road rage, many people lose it, things escalate and it's all for nothing.

I leave people to it, much more chilled like that. Someone cuts me up, go ahead if you're in a rush. Me beeping my horn, flashing my lights and swearing at them is at best going to leave me stressed, and at worst cause them to jump out their car and attack me.

Too many people nowadays get worked up over the most trivial things, and for what? You could get hit by a bus tomorrow.

I could have gone nuts, shouted screamed and banged stuff, but what would it have done? I'm still not going to be with her, and it's just going to give her a reason for her friends to try and start on me.

I'm still pretty young, not married, no kids, so things could be a lot worse.

You are totally disconnected from your emotions.

 

[ExVicis]

I appreciate it's difficult to convey as no one here knows me, but I'm really introverted. I mean look at the facts I'm on a gaming forum and play games excessively in my spare time.

People that know me wouldn't be shocked at my reaction.

The biggest shock was me snapping last night while she had the ipad out. That alone would have suprised anyone that knows me. That's why she was shocked, and didn't know what to do.

Oh I know introversion. I am introverted to the point that I am upset at spending time with friends and having fun instead of being alone and doing nothing.

But that has nothing to do with clearing the air and making sure the truth and facts are all out and presented in very clear terms. If that doesn't happen then all sorts of rumors talk and anything else will be floating around about you. Maybe you don't think to care since you think you can't stem it or the people who would believe it would have nothing to do with you but...these things crop up in unexpected ways. It's real easy to just lay back and take it but if you let that happen what's it to stop the lies from getting so big and widespread that you want to stop it but now it's way too late?

There's nothing disrespectful about stating the facts or making all the pertinent information known and available. Your frustration speaks as much in that you're upset that there is blatant misinformation and that you ex is taking advantage of your nature.

 

[Weevilone]

She did admit it was fucked up of her to talk to him like that, she went to him for emotional support and talked to him about her problems with our relationship.
I don't know what to do. I think I should just move out. Or maybe it's my fault for not giving her all of my free time

Nobody should be going to someone they've slept with for "emotional support" when they're having marriage trouble. Doing that is turning an ordinary fixable marital issue into a divorce. This guy sounds like a sleazy asshole. Who tries to break up a marriage with kids involved? Wow.

 

[E92 M3]

So I called my wife a bit later to talk and she didn't answer so I ended up calling this Jeff guy and I asked if he knew who I was and he said no. I asked if he knew my wife and said they were friends. Then I asked why he was chatting my wife on snapchat and then he hung up.

I called my wife a bit later and she answered and I asked who this Jeff person was, and she admitted in short that she was her backup plan. Things between my wife and I haven't been the greatest lately and she said she needed a plan of someone to support her in case we split up.

I had an hour on my lunch break to talk to her and has to go and she asked me what I wanted to do but I didn't have an answer yet.

Full disclosure: she says she's unhappy because she doesn't feel like she comes first (i play video games after the kids go to bed most nights) and she says I don't listen well enough.

she claims she never sent any pics to him and that he never sent any pics either but this was a guy she's been friends with behind my back since we have been together (7 years) and about 10 years ago she slept with him. She did say he has been hitting her up fairly often to hang out but according to her she hasn't hung out with him since we have been together. She did admit it was fucked up of her to talk to him like that, she went to him for emotional support and talked to him about her problems with our relationship.
I don't know what to do. I think I should just move out. Or maybe it's my fault for not giving her all of my free time

That sounds really fishy, but I'd say you have a lot more talking to do.

 

[Blackleg-sanji1]

Wait there's another cheating incident in this thread!!? You guys are about to make me call of my engagement lol got me nervous

 

[SymbiantXenos]

Just eat is the goat service. I use it weekly.

 

[keltickennedy]

I assume OP parents are as calm as him. They knew the truth the entire time the ex was spouting out lies.

You are a better man than me OP. I would of thrown the conversations and the dick pic up on the giant OLED TV and gave a presentation.

"Everyone I give you Exhibit A."

Closely things with a bang, finally showing the people of the jury Exhibit big old D.

"I rest my case"

 

[OCD Guy]

You are totally disconnected from your emotions.

You might be right. I have a few things I need to work on, but it's a long process, not something I can solve overnight.

My main thing is dealing with insecurity.

 

[GHG]

How would that be useful? She would sign the papers after that? Why?

Why on earth would she want to stay after that?

 

[Lashley]

Wait there's another cheating incident in this thread!!? You guys are about to make me call of my engagement lol got me nervous

Not everyone cheats, congrats on your engagement btw

 

[mkenyon]

So I called my wife a bit later to talk and she didn't answer so I ended up calling this Jeff guy and I asked if he knew who I was and he said no. I asked if he knew my wife and said they were friends. Then I asked why he was chatting my wife on snapchat and then he hung up.

I called my wife a bit later and she answered and I asked who this Jeff person was, and she admitted in short that she was her backup plan. Things between my wife and I haven't been the greatest lately and she said she needed a plan of someone to support her in case we split up.

I had an hour on my lunch break to talk to her and has to go and she asked me what I wanted to do but I didn't have an answer yet.

Full disclosure: she says she's unhappy because she doesn't feel like she comes first (i play video games after the kids go to bed most nights) and she says I don't listen well enough.

she claims she never sent any pics to him and that he never sent any pics either but this was a guy she's been friends with behind my back since we have been together (7 years) and about 10 years ago she slept with him. She did say he has been hitting her up fairly often to hang out but according to her she hasn't hung out with him since we have been together. She did admit it was fucked up of her to talk to him like that, she went to him for emotional support and talked to him about her problems with our relationship.
I don't know what to do. I think I should just move out. Or maybe it's my fault for not giving her all of my free time

Turning to someone like that for emotional support is one of the most natural things that people do. Sounds like she fessed up, and did create a moral boundary of what is okay and what is not okay that is pretty legit.

What you have ahead of you is a lot of conversations if you want your marriage to succeed.

 

[Squalor]

O.P., O.P., listen to me.

It may not be today. It may not be tomorrow.

But she will contact you, and she will want to come back,

DO. NOT. DO. IT.

 

[Always-honest]

You might be right. I have a few things I need to work on, but it's a long process, not something I can solve overnight.

My main thing is dealing with insecurity.

What insecurity? You're a good looking dude.
Social insecurity?

 

[Vicetrailia]

I worry about you not properly defending yourself OCD. Your mom should know the truth. Obviously not then because she would go apeshit, but certainly by now.

 

[Weevilone]

Why on earth would she want to stay after that?

She wouldn't want to stay, but it's an opportunity to be vindictive. Even if she doesn't want to be, it sounds like she's under the sway of a drama queen. The "friend" is the sort of person that feasts on this kind of shit.. she's taking it allll in.

She knows the mother will pay her half, so she's off the hook for that. Now she can drag it out just to piss him off. She's probably livid that he won't engage and sling some mud so far.

It's just like the credit issue mentioned earlier. No only do some people not give a shit about their credit, but they will intentionally tank their own if it means hurting the ex.

 

[Squalor]

Because new page:

O.P., O.P., listen to me.

It may not be today. It may not be tomorrow.

But she will contact you, and she will want to come back,

DO. NOT. DO. IT.

I worry about you not properly defending yourself OCD. Your mom should know the truth. Obviously not then because she would go apeshit, but certainly by now.

Yeah, he claims to be an introvert, but that's just being a pushover.

 

[Yurikerr]

So I called my wife a bit later to talk and she didn't answer so I ended up calling this Jeff guy and I asked if he knew who I was and he said no. I asked if he knew my wife and said they were friends. Then I asked why he was chatting my wife on snapchat and then he hung up.

I called my wife a bit later and she answered and I asked who this Jeff person was, and she admitted in short that she was her backup plan. Things between my wife and I haven't been the greatest lately and she said she needed a plan of someone to support her in case we split up.

I had an hour on my lunch break to talk to her and has to go and she asked me what I wanted to do but I didn't have an answer yet.

Full disclosure: she says she's unhappy because she doesn't feel like she comes first (i play video games after the kids go to bed most nights) and she says I don't listen well enough.

she claims she never sent any pics to him and that he never sent any pics either but this was a guy she's been friends with behind my back since we have been together (7 years) and about 10 years ago she slept with him. She did say he has been hitting her up fairly often to hang out but according to her she hasn't hung out with him since we have been together. She did admit it was fucked up of her to talk to him like that, she went to him for emotional support and talked to him about her problems with our relationship.
I don't know what to do. I think I should just move out. Or maybe it's my fault for not giving her all of my free time

Hard situation man. I don't really know what to say to you.

Did the conversation between both of you felt sincere? If you trust what she's saying maybe you don't need to move out. Now that you know the problem you can both work together to fix it.

You seem to have a good family, 2 kids that would be devastated if you decide to distance yourself. If you feel there's the slimmest chance of things working out at least give it a try.

I know that you must be feeling betrayed that she was talking to him behind your back, but (if she's being sincere) she wanted someone trustful to listen to her problems. Now it's time to reunite and fight for your marriage, show that your the guy that she can look for when she's feeling insecure.

Your situation is one more remainder of how we, that have relationships, need to be more alert of how we spent the time with our partners/family. It's good to have personal hobbies, but the time together is very important too.

I, personally, have been working too much this past months. Never get to bed with the wife and always get up when she's already gone, I can feel that this is slowing detracting from our relationship.

 

[KingSnake]

Why on earth would she want to stay after that?

She's already out, this is no longer about her staying there. But her signing the papers, that might take a lot of time, she has no reason to do it fast.

 

[Addi]

 

[ThatGuyAgain]

You might be right. I have a few things I need to work on, but it's a long process, not something I can solve overnight.

My main thing is dealing with insecurity.

Read the entire thread.

OP, you are good guy and inspiring for how well you handled this incredibly awful situation. Every individual (from the hundreds of thousands of people) that has read this thread can learn something from you.

You have a clean slate now. That girl was exceptionally bad for you (for anyone for that matter) but don’t worry because you will find yourself a proper girl. If I was anywhere near the UK, I’d go out of my way to buy you a beer. Instead, cheers to you. Even though you may think this is the last thing you want to do, hope you go celebrate with your mates.

 

[Always-honest]

Bwaha, love the dog detail

 

[Mammoth Jones]

Ok so things didn't go the way I thought they would. A very brief summary.

I didn't have anything packed as I was waiting for parents to turn up, once they did, they were asking me how I was etc, and if I was sure I wanted to do this, while we're sitting down talking my ex turned up with her friend in tears.

My mum (or mom for you guys) is quite understanding, so she starts conversating with her to try and find out what's wrong.

She turned up after work and I locked her out last night so she had nowhere to go, I didn't tell her why I locked her out, I've been really distant with her and it's because I've been seeing people behind her back and I've not been nice to her at all, she just can't deal with it anymore, so she want's to grab her stuff and leave.

I'm listening to all this in disbelief, how she can talk this much crap with a straight face, let alone doing it with fake ass tears rolling down her face is something else. Her friend with her arm round her being quiet as a mouse is the icing on the cake.

The conversation moves onto the flat, and obviously the tenancy agreement, so while everyone's in the same room a call is made to the estate agents (or letting agents) to see the best way forward. After speaking to the landlord they're able to do an assignment, this is where they can basically assign the tenancy to me, all that's needed is a deed of assignment which my ex would need to sign, and obviously permission from the landlord.

Long story short but as there's not too long on the agreement my mum will cover the half that my ex was paying, and I'll be staying here for now.

There's obviously paperwork that needs to be done, and I'm hoping that my ex will still be co-operative once things are in motion.

She's grabbed her clothes and the dog and gone to her friends house. I didn't make any objections about the dog, as I didn't want to start something, when this might actually be the smoothest outcome for now. We paid half for the dog, but she always viewed her as more her's. Carrying him in a bag etc.

Told you she'd do that dumb shit. Clockwork.

Props to your mom for helping but make sure you get shit signed asap and if possible have your mom around when she needs to sign so she can't bullshit and try to change things on you.

"I never agreed to leave!!! It's my place you go!" She'll try that once she finds someone to pay half the rent with her....

 

[BlueBadger]

I worry about you not properly defending yourself OCD. Your mom should know the truth. Obviously not then because she would go apeshit, but certainly by now.

This.

OP, I know you said life is too short to blow up and get angry over trivial things. But like.. This isn't trivial. And life is also too short to not stand up for yourself and inadvertently hide the truth from people who are at risk of getting manipulated by someone who's contorting the truth.

 

[TastyBread]

If you have to deal with your ex and the friend again i'd have your phone recording audio in your pocket - god knows what shit they might try to pull now

 

[OCD Guy]

What insecurity? You're a good looking dude.
Social insecurity?

I've mentioned it before, but I had to deal with a lot of comments about my appearence not always positive.

I had cosmetic surgery which has helped reduce the comments but I'm still not happy.

I try and avoid looking in the mirror, and don't like when people stare at me. If I'm out and someone is looking at me I get uncomfortable and start thinking what they're looking at.

It's something I've dealt with for a long time, and there's a bit of surgery I'd like still but it's a question of funds.

Yeah I get some positive comments, like my mum will tell me I'm good looking but it's my mum lol, or she'll show a photo to someone and they'll be positive, but it's not as though they're gonna turn round and say he's ugly. It's like a mother showing their son, most people are tactful.