So jealous
Though in some way it is good to not be underweight (but that goes to overweight too)
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LGBThread |OT3| Friends of Dorothy!
- Thread starter Sai-kun
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So jealous
Though in some way it is good to not be underweight (but that goes to overweight too)
True. I twisted my ankle in January and for that reason had to skip my trainings for few weeks. I felt bad and guilty about that :lol.
The term 'straight-acting' is becoming more common for some reason. I see myself as pretty feminine, but it's been thrown at me a bit recently.. And it kind of hurts.
I'm not looking for pity, but why can't I just be who I am? Isn't that the goal of equality? Why should I have to conform to a stereotypical gay personality when I'm perfectly happy listening to terrible punk rock and playing video games?
Also, using 'straight' as an insult is kind of fucked up.
I'm not looking for pity, but why can't I just be who I am? Isn't that the goal of equality? Why should I have to conform to a stereotypical gay personality when I'm perfectly happy listening to terrible punk rock and playing video games?
Also, using 'straight' as an insult is kind of fucked up.
Guys, I have been trolling the internet for beard-growing tips because I'm curious about trimming and everything.
ANYWAY
I stumbled upon this website with success stories: http://www.beards.org/success_collin.php
ANYWAY
I stumbled upon this website with success stories: http://www.beards.org/success_collin.php
Let's see if I understood. Did someone call you straight because you don't act gay and used that word as an insult? That's fucked up. People should be the way they want if they're not hurting anyone. I don't know why people expect us to do some things just because of our sexual preference. That is why stereotypes shouldn't exist, they are just making us like robots without being unique, just being like everyone of our kind is.
The ad I get n the mobile site has a guy with a sweet beard.
It might be a sign considering how often I see it...
Yes, that means that you have to stop it. GAF is becoming an addiction to you.
The ad I get n the mobile site has a guy with a sweet beard.
It might be a sign considering how often I see it...
Addiction Treatment... I think the ad tries to tell you something.
"Straight-acting" is such a weird term, because what does it ever mean? Not acting feminine enough or slutty enough?
Just ignore those comments and those people, because obviously they have a problem with accepting themselves if they have to meter (and criticize) others' gayness level using a stereotypical gay persona as a base.
So many beards :O
Stop hurting the gay movement, Lucario!
Wait... they called you straight-acting because of your music and video game tastes? You're not a CoD fan are you?
Amibguous Cad
Member
There's not much straight-acting about you, Lucario
But even if there were, I guess this is the flip-side of the "stop doing pride parades" thing. People can be shitty, and I'm sorry to hear that people are calling you that.
Bel Marduk
Banned
I've always hated that term, too.. and even moreso because people constantly use it to describe me but its not nearly as annoying as when people ask who is the guy and girl in my relationship.. and it happens all the time and its not even a top/bottom thing. Its sad to expect anybody to conform to ridiculously outdated gender roles.. but a gay couple?
Pretty much. There's no such thing as a personality that's "too gay" or "not gay enough." While some people may be 'acting' a certain way to fit in, they deserve pity and acceptance... not exclusion and scorn.There's not much straight-acting about you, Lucario
But even if there were, I guess this is the flip-side of the "stop doing pride parades" thing. People can be shitty, and I'm sorry to hear that people are calling you that.
D
Deleted member 30609
Unconfirmed Member
I agree. I also hate it when people put no fems on their personal ad. it is so stupid. We all do the same deed in bed being fem or not does not make someone better.
D
Deleted member 30609
Unconfirmed Member
the problem I have with straight-acting is that it implicitly promotes the hurtful mirror "gay-acting", which is, ironically, what people who use the term "straight-acting" are trying to separate themselves from. It just makes everything worst for everyone. There is no upside to the word outside of a lazy immediate declaration of character, which, might I add, should be self-evident in the time it takes you to introduce yourself.
I wasn't aware it was such a... wrong term. I've been told I'm "straight-acting" plenty of times - heck, I have been told I'm downright straight because I don't go clubbing (because straight people despise clubbing, right?). It doesn't really hurt or offend me, really I don't place any importance on such things.
*Bone-clashing sound*
I don't place any importance on such things.BROFIST
*Bone-clashing sound*
Yeah, I have to agree.
The term, on its own, doesn't really communicate much. What is there to a 'straight act' other than romantically pursuing someone of the opposite gender? So, by its own description, it would only apply to people that were solely dating someone of the opposite gender to appear as heterosexual.
Or, more succinctly, it would really just apply to those in the closet.
Course, that's not what people mean when they use it and are just saying "You don't act like all those popular stereotypes" which is lazy thinking to believe that all LGBT people adhere to some collective personality as if we have meetings to train and practice a shared, communal persona. Even if they just cleaned up their language and said "you're more masculine than I thought a gay guy would be" it brings to question what it means to be masculine.
Which is probably far more ponderous thought than those who use the term have ever considered.
Fantastical
Death Prophet
"Straight-acting" sounds so stupid. You are saying "you act like a straight person"... does that sound intelligent?
There's kind of this line some people walk. They don't want to promote the idea that being gay = being feminine, but they also shouldn't make it seem like being a feminine gay is a bad thing. I feel like some people are too concerned with the former and let the latter get pushed under the rug.
There's kind of this line some people walk. They don't want to promote the idea that being gay = being feminine, but they also shouldn't make it seem like being a feminine gay is a bad thing. I feel like some people are too concerned with the former and let the latter get pushed under the rug.
Holy shit does this thread move fast.
This was my original post. I'm linking to it for context. But I wanted to reply to some of the statements some of you that replied to me. I appreciate anyone who read it and I took all advice to heart.
I wish I could say it was medication, but I am honestly not taking any medicine right now. This is all just me
Again, no medication. Thanks so much for the advice. As for the medical stuff: I don't know if it's causing low T or not, but it honestly wouldn't surprise me. Ugh....all this sucks so much. I feel handicapped and unlike a normal person. I mean, I'm sitting here in a coffee shop in such pain. No one else here is sitting in pain. What did I do to deserve this?
Also, I don't have epidytimitis anymore, though. What all these doctors' BEST GUESS is that it's scar tissue that's causing the pain. But then why does that affect the size, shape, and "position" of them? It's like someone took off my balls and replaced them with someone else's whose are entirely different from my old ones.
Luckily, like one of you already guessed, I wasn't pining for them at all. As a matter of fact I didn't like him. It only came up because he awkwardly brought up sex and asked me very personal questions. I just kinda went along with it because I don't know how to fucking properly date so I didn't know what else to do. Anyway, he basically said I was too small for him. How fun.
And yeah, I'm hoping that if I ever fall madly in love with someone again, and they fall in love back (lol), we'll be able to be intimate and nothing will matter, I guess. But still.....in the meantime, meeting with someone (for lack of a better term) "recreational sex" wouldn't be a bad thing. I mean, I know I have a nearly extinct sex drive, but I'm REALLY hoping this isn't the case forever. If it is, then shoot me, but if not, when I did have a labido, it would have been nice to actually have sex with someone I actually semi-cared for. Unfortunately, I've only been active with one other person other than my ex-boyfriend of 4 years (who I still pine for....1.5 years after our breakup) and it turned out to be a horrible disaster.
Anyway....I'm curious: What would YOU guys do if you were in this situation? --- Balls always hurt. No doctor can tell you why. The guesswork-fixes they offer are surgery (which probably does more harm than good), tying off a nerve, or hoping the pain goes away. You're-already-tiny-balls are probably shrinking. Possible low T at age 25. Constant pain. No sex drive. Can't exercise to try to look better because you're in pain. And the cost of all this is a super low self-esteem level.
Like........what. do. I. do? Seriously
This was my original post. I'm linking to it for context. But I wanted to reply to some of the statements some of you that replied to me. I appreciate anyone who read it and I took all advice to heart.
I wish I could say it was medication, but I am honestly not taking any medicine right now. This is all just me
Again, no medication. Thanks so much for the advice. As for the medical stuff: I don't know if it's causing low T or not, but it honestly wouldn't surprise me. Ugh....all this sucks so much. I feel handicapped and unlike a normal person. I mean, I'm sitting here in a coffee shop in such pain. No one else here is sitting in pain. What did I do to deserve this?
Also, I don't have epidytimitis anymore, though. What all these doctors' BEST GUESS is that it's scar tissue that's causing the pain. But then why does that affect the size, shape, and "position" of them? It's like someone took off my balls and replaced them with someone else's whose are entirely different from my old ones.
Luckily, like one of you already guessed, I wasn't pining for them at all. As a matter of fact I didn't like him. It only came up because he awkwardly brought up sex and asked me very personal questions. I just kinda went along with it because I don't know how to fucking properly date so I didn't know what else to do. Anyway, he basically said I was too small for him. How fun.
And yeah, I'm hoping that if I ever fall madly in love with someone again, and they fall in love back (lol), we'll be able to be intimate and nothing will matter, I guess. But still.....in the meantime, meeting with someone (for lack of a better term) "recreational sex" wouldn't be a bad thing. I mean, I know I have a nearly extinct sex drive, but I'm REALLY hoping this isn't the case forever. If it is, then shoot me, but if not, when I did have a labido, it would have been nice to actually have sex with someone I actually semi-cared for. Unfortunately, I've only been active with one other person other than my ex-boyfriend of 4 years (who I still pine for....1.5 years after our breakup) and it turned out to be a horrible disaster.
Anyway....I'm curious: What would YOU guys do if you were in this situation? --- Balls always hurt. No doctor can tell you why. The guesswork-fixes they offer are surgery (which probably does more harm than good), tying off a nerve, or hoping the pain goes away. You're-already-tiny-balls are probably shrinking. Possible low T at age 25. Constant pain. No sex drive. Can't exercise to try to look better because you're in pain. And the cost of all this is a super low self-esteem level.
Like........what. do. I. do? Seriously
Bel Marduk
Banned
Its more than that, though. Its really insulting that people want to shove you into a neat little box because of your sexual orientation.. its showing a major lack of respect for individuality.
Anyway....I'm curious: What would YOU guys do if you were in this situation? --- Balls always hurt. No doctor can tell you why. The guesswork-fixes they offer are surgery (which probably does more harm than good), tying off a nerve, or hoping the pain goes away. You're-already-tiny-balls are probably shrinking. Possible low T at age 25. Constant pain. No sex drive. Can't exercise to try to look better because you're in pain. And the cost of all this is a super low self-esteem level.
Like........what. do. I. do? Seriously
I would keep following it up. Chronic pain is not good and especially not in the testicles. If the pain is that severe that it impedes your daily functioning, I would think that the very least there would be medication you can be prescribed. Do you live somewhere with free/decent healthcare? I'm really sorry if you're in America.
The only times I've come across it are from ignorant individuals who meant no harm, so I try not to hold it too much against them. Course, I wouldn't put it past some people trying to use it as an insult.
Bel Marduk
Banned
I edited my post because the "straight-acting" or femme designation is just as often used by other gay people. I don't know, man but its very insulting to tell someone that they're wrong for not fitting into a stereotype.
Oh, I agree it's wrong but I think it's borne mostly from people who don't have much interaction with the LGBT community so they just don't know better.
It's my hope that such thinking will phase out with greater acceptance and recognition.
Edit: but yeah, I'll adjust for that edit.
It's my hope that such thinking will phase out with greater acceptance and recognition.
Edit: but yeah, I'll adjust for that edit.
I have never heard a straight person use it.
Bel Marduk
Banned
And fewer "uncle tom" glbt folks who try to hide it..
Perhaps not the term specifically, but I have heard "But you don't act gay!" or similar facsimiles.
I mean, if we want to discuss the opinions and viewpoints of the LGBT community itself, I'd welcome that discourse. Quite a few people have expressed the odd comment here and there about it but it hasn't really been the main topic as far as I can remember.
MyAbsolution
Member
I swear it's not in me to enjoy working out. It's simply not, working out is boring to me and there's no other way around it. So yeah, I realize it's 100% my fault that I don't have the nicest physique
I am the same way, even after a month of doing it I am bored to death and I have to force myself everyday
PS: Insanity imo is waaaay better than P90x for us ... unmotivated people. There is no equipment needed except shoes. PLUS! Insanity workouts are far shorter than P90x. Some of P90x workouts are over an hour and I just don't have that kind of time to spare. I felt I sweated more doing insanity, in shorter time, than entire workout of p90x that was longer.
D
Deleted member 30609
Unconfirmed Member
I swear it's not in me to enjoy working out. It's simply not, working out is boring to me and there's no other way around it. So yeah, I realize it's 100% my fault that I don't have the nicest physique
I always found that the "I'm bored" reaction was just my body rationalising the "I'm severely uncomfortable" feeling. It's like... a form of procrastination, maybe? It's born from the same place, at least. It's much easier for my mind to rationalise "fuck this, I have better things to do" than "I'm not motivated enough to do this, I'm not strong and fit enough".
It comes down to, well, if I think I want to achieve all these amazing things with my life, how can I say I'm motivated and smart enough to do it if I can't set aside an hour a day to make myself healthier and happier. How can I not feel like a massive hypocrite when I think of myself as motivated, enthusiastic or smart? The logical reaction, for me, was "well, of course I can do this for an hour a day". And it eventually became much easier.
If you're happy with your body, the above post makes no sense. But if you're unhappy with your body and it's actively holding you back... well, it isn't neuroscience. It's action+time=reaction. Do this enough and that will happen.
Amibguous Cad
Member
"No fems" on ads don't bother me, actually. Everyone's got their tastes. The fact tat it is often accompanied by derision of more effeminate gays and some degree of misogyny is problematic, but in the absence of those things "No fems" is fine.
Fimbulvetr
Member
I swear it's not in me to enjoy working out. It's simply not, working out is boring to me and there's no other way around it. So yeah, I realize it's 100% my fault that I don't have the nicest physique
I've heard music helps, though I've yet to try it myself.
umop_3pisdn
Member
I find it helps with exercise to treat it like a challenge. If it's just a period of enforced activity you're going to want to drop it as soon as you can because it's like you're just "doing time". But if you view it as if you're in competition with yourself (your 'motivated self' vs. your 'lower/lazy self') or as an opportunity to push your limits, build your endurance or resiliency, etc, it becomes somewhat fun.
edit: The no fems thing is stupid because it's incredibly vague. People can have their tastes (though I think it's polite not to disclose it on a profile as "no X, no Y, etc" and instead just tell the people that contact you that you're not interested), but what does "no fems" mean? No effeminate personalities, or bodies, or both? What are effeminate personalities or bodies, anyways, where is the proverbial line drawn? I generally view stuff like that as a sign that people aren't very self-aware because it seems like an unexamined bias, and thus the person is probably not very interesting.
edit: The no fems thing is stupid because it's incredibly vague. People can have their tastes (though I think it's polite not to disclose it on a profile as "no X, no Y, etc" and instead just tell the people that contact you that you're not interested), but what does "no fems" mean? No effeminate personalities, or bodies, or both? What are effeminate personalities or bodies, anyways, where is the proverbial line drawn? I generally view stuff like that as a sign that people aren't very self-aware because it seems like an unexamined bias, and thus the person is probably not very interesting.
Yeah. It seems really... easy is not the word since everyone says it's hard as heck, but it seems like getting into it is less of a hassle. I really want to try it nowMyAbsolution said:
@Rez: Yeah... it plays a role. But I think it's a combination of it indeed being boring to me and the fact that it requires so much effort and has one hell of a learning curve
@Fimbulvetr: I have tried it in the past and it honestly doesn't make a ton of difference... I have even tried watching TV while on the treadmill and I just want the show to end so I can get down, haha. To be fair, I can think of very few things more boring than a treadmill - because I enjoy walking outside a lot, actually (I walk a ton, probably one of the reasons why I'm underweight?). Sadly walking doesn't get you an athletic look, haha.
---
And about the "no fems" thing - we all have different taste, I fail to see how it's discriminatory unless you're being a jerk about it. "No bears" is okay, "No bears because they're gross, yuck yuck!" is not okay.
Running is made entirely too perfect by having an amazing playlist of music to run to. *_* Feels like no time has passed at all.
Rm: I think Amib was saying it was discriminatory because the "no fems" is often followed up by "I'm into REAL men" "i don't date women" and other really shitty things.
Rm: I think Amib was saying it was discriminatory because the "no fems" is often followed up by "I'm into REAL men" "i don't date women" and other really shitty things.
umop_3pisdn
Member
Yeah, basically.
D
Deleted member 30609
Unconfirmed Member
this is very, very true
Totally agree.
SpaceBridge
Member
I don't quite agree with you. I'm not attracted to feminine guys whatsoever, but I don't go outta my way to seek out straight acting dudes, or advertise myself as masc. I can understand though, if your cruising online, you'd wanna make you're specific attractions as clear as possible so as to not waste time.
I think the best response would be to put the actual traits you are attracted to, but that seems too much work for a lot of people. If someone said they wanted someone with a deep voice, broad shoulders and a beard who was non scene, that would be much better than 'No fems lol'
SpaceBridge
Member
Oh I agree with you there. I suspect that Grindr profiles aren't known for using that many words.
Necromanti
Member
Saying "I prefer (traditionally) masculine men" seems easy enough, I'd think (unless you want something more specific than that).
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