Yellowflashdude
Member
Just leave. Spare yourself the emotional troubles.
I just found out my wife's been cheating on me
- Thread starter kitsuneyo
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reptilescorpio
Member
Sorry dude. All I can say is that the pain will fade away eventually and it's likely you will find someone you love again.
I know it must be hard, but honesty with the cheating and this the only answer is divorce. Find someone better that wants what you want.
freenudemacusers
Member
Yeah, I personally know of three marriages (all 25-30 years old) that ended because of this.
RockTurtle
Member
she cheated because she feels there's something you can't provide for her.
what that is something you can try to discover. but it might be something unreasonable.
what that is something you can try to discover. but it might be something unreasonable.
juliushandle
Member
Not to be a jerk but what did you do to push her away from you? A woman or man just doesn't start dating someone while they're married unless there's some kind of breakdown. Why didn't you fix things before allowing it to get this far? If you didn't care well then that's your answer.
Maninthemirror
Banned
If you want my opinion.
number one thing in a relationship is trust. once its broken. everything else is band aids on an endless wound. that love does not come back again like it used to.
number two, the kids thing is a big red flag.
number one thing in a relationship is trust. once its broken. everything else is band aids on an endless wound. that love does not come back again like it used to.
number two, the kids thing is a big red flag.
Pumpkin King
Member
Sucks man. Probably best to end it in my opinion. Once that trust is gone, it's really hard to get it back. Best of luck.
Northeastmonk
Gold Member
I'd say start a new. File for a divorce, get things settled down, figure out you weren't the one to blame, and move on.
I remember the whole cheating, going behind someone's back, and granted that was high school. I feel as though I would have no tolerance if I was put in the position as you are. I'm not married, but I realize the impact relationships have on other people.
I know a few who do not believe in divorce, but I do. I feel as though a person can enter your life, you can marry them and feel as though things are going to work out forever, and that is just not true 90% OF THE TIME. People can change, they can hurt one another, and it is best just to move on.
There's 10% chance a couple could resolve their differences after one has cheated, but in all essence you can find a life 4-5 years down the road that is so much healthier and beneficial to you. I was personally affected by some girls who cheated on me when I was young and frankly I learned that is best to take care of yourself before you think you had something to do with this. I'm also trying to save you from putting yourself down because this happened. Tomorrow is a new day and I think you should accept what went on and move on.
You can forgive what she did, but personally I'd move on.
I remember the whole cheating, going behind someone's back, and granted that was high school. I feel as though I would have no tolerance if I was put in the position as you are. I'm not married, but I realize the impact relationships have on other people.
I know a few who do not believe in divorce, but I do. I feel as though a person can enter your life, you can marry them and feel as though things are going to work out forever, and that is just not true 90% OF THE TIME. People can change, they can hurt one another, and it is best just to move on.
There's 10% chance a couple could resolve their differences after one has cheated, but in all essence you can find a life 4-5 years down the road that is so much healthier and beneficial to you. I was personally affected by some girls who cheated on me when I was young and frankly I learned that is best to take care of yourself before you think you had something to do with this. I'm also trying to save you from putting yourself down because this happened. Tomorrow is a new day and I think you should accept what went on and move on.
You can forgive what she did, but personally I'd move on.
Epsilon-delta
Banned
She offered to leave instead of trying to work things out, there goes your answer. Get a divorce ASAP and move on with your life.
Wish you the best of luck in the future OP.
Wish you the best of luck in the future OP.
Thing is, we talked a lot about kids before getting married. We even talked about names. She was excited about it, more than me. Since then her life (work) hasn't gone the way she wanted and she lost confidence. Now she doesn't feel like she'd be a good mother, and her ideas changed.
reptilescorpio
Member
Kids are awesome, I never wanted kids but I couldn't think of living in a world without my son anymore.
I hope the next few months aren't too painful for you dude, good luck
Easier said than done.
outunderthestars
Banned
Sounds like she was already checked out of the relationship. Try to make the break as clean and civil as possible. Now is the time to lean on friends and other support networks.
Emotional cheating is the worse possible kind of cheating. But even more sad is that it seems to me that she wants to fuck the other dude so bad that she immediately wanted to leave when the OP confronted her. Ugh.
I feel sorry for you, but there is someone better for you out there. Take your time to heal and improve yourself. Don't ever look back at the relationship or it will drag you down more than you deserve.
Being with friends and keeping the mind entertained helped me a lot in the first months, which are the hardest. GAF is here for you.
I feel sorry for you, but there is someone better for you out there. Take your time to heal and improve yourself. Don't ever look back at the relationship or it will drag you down more than you deserve.
Being with friends and keeping the mind entertained helped me a lot in the first months, which are the hardest. GAF is here for you.
Kids are awesome, I never wanted kids but I couldn't think of living in a world without my son anymore.
I hope the next few months aren't too painful for you dude, good luck
Have a feeling they will be
Thanks for the messages everyone.
Devolution
Member
What does she do? What do you do?
If this isn't an issue, l'd say go downstairs and invite her back to bed. You can talk things over tomorrow. My advice is to not go to sleep after an unresolved fight...
EDIT: of course, this depends if you still want to be with her. Otherwise, enjoy the space!
freenudemacusers
Member
lol if my wife was cheating on me and obviously wanting to leave, I wouldn't want to sleep in the same room. 'unresolved fights' are those that aren't ending the relationship.
Don't wanna say but I have a much better job than her. She says she doesn't feel like my equal, even though I totally adore her and will do anything for her (doesn't sound too healthy does it?)
Yeah we've got problems to spare.
Foghorn Leghorn
Unconfirmed Member
Can you take some pics of the evidence and post it?
DonasaurusRex
Online Ho Champ
....what the hell is it this week one of my good friends told me he was going thru this yesterday...damn 2013 year of infidelity.
The Omega Man
Member
This might not be relevant and I understand if you don't want to answer but, where is she from and where are you from? Do you both live in your country or a different country than yours and hers? Is this other dude from the same country as her? I am asking this because maybe she felt to isolated and lonely where you live and the other guy took advantage of it.
I am sorry to hear your story and I hope everything works out fro you.
I am sorry to hear your story and I hope everything works out fro you.
Laughing Banana
Weeping Pickle
No one in their right mind would say that it is easy.
However, just because it isn't easy doesn't mean that it isn't necessary.
I will reiterate what I said: divorce her and move on OP. Once that trust is broken, *nothing* will ever be the same again, no matter how you possibly wish otherwise. Better cut loose now so you will have a better foothold in moving on and finding someone that you can be truthfully happy with instead of just stubbornly clinging into a relationship built on falsehoods.
Not to put fuel on the fire. I feel for you and understand. There is one thing I'm certain of and that is she had sex with the dude. Combined with the fact you had suspicions for awhile. Something happened. The sooner you come to grips with that the better.
I totally agree with you and I felt that way from the moment I read that letter. That's why it feels so hopeless and shitty :/
He's from my country, not hers.
oconnomiyaki
Member
Sorry to hear. It's harsh and sad to say, but it sounds like it's over. The key now is to focus on yourself. I know it's so hard when you love someone and the decision wasn't yours. You feel empty and hollow. Years ago I went through a similar situation and I was so depressed about it I couldn't even eat. But I think also what happens is that changes like this are rupturing, and people like familiarity and routine. Something like this throws it all out of the window. Obviously, it will loom for a while until it's all sorted, but what you really need to do is just surround yourself with a bunch of buddies (even if it's only GAF posters) and just focus on how you want to reshape your life from here.
Again, really sorry to hear.
Again, really sorry to hear.
Forward.
Not trying to sound like a dick, but if the messages are the point of loving each other, looking forward to the new year and spending their lives together, you've already lost her man. Not only that, he already supposedly has her heart and her body, despite what she tells you. Why would she tell you the truth now when she's been lying and 'cheating' on you for the past several months.
For me, infidelity is a deal breaker, especially after marriage and kids. The ultimate betrayal. It means my significant other didn't love and respect me enough and went behind my back.
For me, infidelity is a deal breaker, especially after marriage and kids. The ultimate betrayal. It means my significant other didn't love and respect me enough and went behind my back.
None of this matters if she's already decided that she's in love with him, that just how irrational love can be.Thanks. I thought of it this way as well, but I find it pretty impossible to think she really sees a future with this guy over me. From what I know about him, he's got nothing on me. Could just be my ego of course
fake edit: I'm surprised that this thread finally brought out the GAFers who agree that cheating doesn't have to involve sex. The last time this topic was brought up I was getting shat on for having the same opinion.
Agreed. Some people can see past issues like this however..
I don't think l could.
Laughing Banana
Weeping Pickle
I am sorry man
For whatever its worth, I too have experienced the soul-crushing pain of having someone I loved cheating on me behind my back.
Stay strong to do whatever it is you feel necessary to be happy again, kitsuneyo
Pumpkin King
Member
Yep. The wondering what exactly she did and didn't do can be awful. Best to move on now.
ConradCervantes
Banned
I am sorry, bro. Be thankful that you don't have kids with her, it'd make the situation much worse and kids almost always get caught in the crossfire in these situations.
AuthenticM
Member
If you love her more than anything, maybe you should try to work things out. You married her for a reason. Ask her if she wants the marriage to end or if she still loves you. You have to try to work things out, or else if you don't, you might regret it a lot later on.
Try.
Try.
Sounds like most of them stem from her (based on your information). Its likely that she cheated because she lost her confidence and doesnt feel like your equal, and not found a new love. She wanted to find somewhere where she feels valued, adored (not saying you dont) and not a burden. A place where she is free from her own self-imposed stress and loser-status
Yeah, my parents divorced when I was 7. There was no cheating involved, but it was the worst time.
I dont really see this as a red flag. I've been with my partner for over 7 years and I dont want kids.
OP, I really doubt the marriage is salvageable. She seems emotionally committed to someone else, sorry.
That's the way I see it. I'm sure I have my faults as well. Or she's just not attracted to me anymore.
Maybe I don't love her more than my own self respect. That's how I feel about being cheated on. It's the ultimate betrayal and kick in the nuts.
DarkJediKnight
Member
There are people out there who revel in mediocrity. They don't like being with people who are smarter, make more money, have better hygene, etc...
They want to be with people who are like them, values, lifestyle etc... It's possible that one of the reasons she doesn't want to have kids - is that she doesn't want to have kids with YOU because she feels she can't live up to being the mother you expect her to be.
fatigues_gasolini
Member
What's the protocol on snooping when suspecting cheating? I found some rather suspicious things on my girlfriends ipad.
rokkerkory
Member
Man I am really sorry to hear this, really sad.
You might not feel it right now but maybe it's for the best. You don't have any kids yet and you guys are still cordial.
Perhaps you're meant just to be friends. Keep your head up and good luck. Just keep level headed.
You might not feel it right now but maybe it's for the best. You don't have any kids yet and you guys are still cordial.
Perhaps you're meant just to be friends. Keep your head up and good luck. Just keep level headed.
SpaceShark
Member
But does your partner want kids? It's not about 'wanting kids' necessarily, it's about having an irreconcilable difference of opinion over a major life choice.
Stumpokapow
listen to the mad man
Here's how I see it:
- You've identified a downward trajectory in you relationship
- You probably correctly note that this action is a way of her to sort of work her way out of the marriage
- She volunteered to leave when caught
- The affair is an emotional one and suggests that she is checked out from your relationship
- You have a major life-choice obstacle between you that bodes poorly for the success of the marriage
- Although you've been married for a few years and have a life together, you don't have children and there's no real EXTERNAL negative ramifications to divorce
To me, I wouldn't be focusing on the infidelity, I would be focusing on the fact that your marriage appears to be broken and/or over irrespective of the infidelity. Adding the infidelity into the picture, you have trust issues with her going forward.
Of course a divorce is a pretty huge deal, but it doesn't seem to me based on your presentation of the issue that there's an obvious pathway to dealing with the issues and repairing the relationship. It seems like stuff is over.
- You've identified a downward trajectory in you relationship
- You probably correctly note that this action is a way of her to sort of work her way out of the marriage
- She volunteered to leave when caught
- The affair is an emotional one and suggests that she is checked out from your relationship
- You have a major life-choice obstacle between you that bodes poorly for the success of the marriage
- Although you've been married for a few years and have a life together, you don't have children and there's no real EXTERNAL negative ramifications to divorce
To me, I wouldn't be focusing on the infidelity, I would be focusing on the fact that your marriage appears to be broken and/or over irrespective of the infidelity. Adding the infidelity into the picture, you have trust issues with her going forward.
Of course a divorce is a pretty huge deal, but it doesn't seem to me based on your presentation of the issue that there's an obvious pathway to dealing with the issues and repairing the relationship. It seems like stuff is over.
If you've got a genuine reason to be suspicious, I say go for it. In my case I happened on the evidence by accident. Been tempted to snoop at her phone but I did trust her, and phone snooping can break trust itself.
Edit - I sort of contradicted myself there, I mean only snoop if you have a really good reason to.
Get out. Get out now. They have fucked. If you don't get out now you WILL regret it later. This is a guarantee. Trust me. You've been warned.
Life goes on. It hurts. It sucks. It feels like the end of the world. It's not. Life does go on and you will be happy again. Don't be a chump. Get. Out.
Life goes on. It hurts. It sucks. It feels like the end of the world. It's not. Life does go on and you will be happy again. Don't be a chump. Get. Out.
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