JackFrost2012
Banned
The best, funniest, most abstruse and deadpan gaming humor site on the Net is ANDORE JR. and you should ALL BE READING IT because holy crap it's funny. Some excerpts from my favorites:
"PHY 807 Quantum Mechanics Syllabus"
http://andorejr.fagfiction.net/archives/00000120.html
Sept. 9: Heisenberg: uncertainty, probability, expectation, deviation.
Sept. 14: The Schrodinger equation for the wave equation; separable solutions, the infinite well, replacing God with science.
Sept. 16: Experimentation and measurement.
"DRACULA TEACHES ANATMAN"
http://andorejr.fagfiction.net/archives/00000116.html
Simon said, "If, Dracula, there is no Person and no eternal Self to be found in you, than who is it that sucks blood? Who is it that defiles virgins and is reborn every hundred years to terrify the world anew? Who is it that is a miserable little pile of secrets? From what you say it must be implied that there is no Dracula to commit all of these acts. You say, 'my friends Frankenstein and Medusa address me as Dracula;' well, what is 'Dracula'? Is this rib 'Dracula'?"
"No, it is not."
"Is this heart 'Dracula'?"
"No."
"Your Video Card Is Not Good Enough To Run This Dating Sim"
http://andorejr.fagfiction.net/archives/00000090.html
"The Needs of the Many"
http://andorejr.fagfiction.net/archives/00000084.html
"...That Suck Themselves And Also Each Other."
http://andorejr.fagfiction.net/archives/00000079.html
notes 8/14/04: final word came in today, they're shutting project down... committee must have finally heard the rumors, nothing else to be done. another six weeks & would have had a working model...
Rei was v. confused about all this, i actually broke down crying a little trying to explain it to her... later took her over to house from lab (no place for her to live right now), which was ok since wife left/took kids months ago. started drinking+talking a few hours back, somehow ended up in game of strip poker... have her down to bra & panties now, current objective is to remain smashed enough to keep from realizing what in god's name i'm doing & giving in to despair+overwhelming disgust w/self...
suicide = best option? will inquire about nonpainful methods tomorrow... poss. borrow one of steve's guns if shame = overwhelming & swiftness is needed...
"Samus Aran = Schenkerian Analysis?"
http://andorejr.fagfiction.net/archives/00000045.html
Save for a few E-naturals and a G-flat/F-sharp (more on these later), the score limits itself more or less within the scale of B-flat major/lydian. However, the chords used initially seem very enigmatic and seemingly non-triadic. Consider the opening sonority, B-flat F C, a series of stacked fifths, which is more or less inert musically (traditional tonal theory requiring the presence of a major or minor third before a chord's function can be determined). The next measure begins A E G, a fifth plus a minor seventh (notice the lack of a third again). The third measure begins E-flat F D (major second and major seventh), which might be reinterpreted as an D minor chord in inversion (though this is somewhat dubious, considering the context). Finally, the last chord, a D-A fifth with a tremolo between an E-natural and an F-sharp (or G-flat), is a parallel to the opening chord (except with the addition of that F-sharp). The chords beginning all the measures heavily utilize fifths, sevenths, and major ninths/seconds (all of which are usually de-emphasized in favor of thirds/sixths within the language of triadic harmony), producing an "alien" sound to the item collection music that parallels the "alienness" of the Metroid game itself. Additionally, the A to E-flat tritone is carefully avoided, which makes some sense given that it too is extremely important in tonal harmony (as part of diminished and dominant chords).
(Disclaimer: many of you will not find this site funny. that's fine. don't tell me about it.)
"PHY 807 Quantum Mechanics Syllabus"
http://andorejr.fagfiction.net/archives/00000120.html
Sept. 9: Heisenberg: uncertainty, probability, expectation, deviation.
Sept. 14: The Schrodinger equation for the wave equation; separable solutions, the infinite well, replacing God with science.
Sept. 16: Experimentation and measurement.
"DRACULA TEACHES ANATMAN"
http://andorejr.fagfiction.net/archives/00000116.html
Simon said, "If, Dracula, there is no Person and no eternal Self to be found in you, than who is it that sucks blood? Who is it that defiles virgins and is reborn every hundred years to terrify the world anew? Who is it that is a miserable little pile of secrets? From what you say it must be implied that there is no Dracula to commit all of these acts. You say, 'my friends Frankenstein and Medusa address me as Dracula;' well, what is 'Dracula'? Is this rib 'Dracula'?"
"No, it is not."
"Is this heart 'Dracula'?"
"No."
"Your Video Card Is Not Good Enough To Run This Dating Sim"
http://andorejr.fagfiction.net/archives/00000090.html
"The Needs of the Many"
http://andorejr.fagfiction.net/archives/00000084.html
"...That Suck Themselves And Also Each Other."
http://andorejr.fagfiction.net/archives/00000079.html
notes 8/14/04: final word came in today, they're shutting project down... committee must have finally heard the rumors, nothing else to be done. another six weeks & would have had a working model...
Rei was v. confused about all this, i actually broke down crying a little trying to explain it to her... later took her over to house from lab (no place for her to live right now), which was ok since wife left/took kids months ago. started drinking+talking a few hours back, somehow ended up in game of strip poker... have her down to bra & panties now, current objective is to remain smashed enough to keep from realizing what in god's name i'm doing & giving in to despair+overwhelming disgust w/self...
suicide = best option? will inquire about nonpainful methods tomorrow... poss. borrow one of steve's guns if shame = overwhelming & swiftness is needed...
"Samus Aran = Schenkerian Analysis?"
http://andorejr.fagfiction.net/archives/00000045.html
Save for a few E-naturals and a G-flat/F-sharp (more on these later), the score limits itself more or less within the scale of B-flat major/lydian. However, the chords used initially seem very enigmatic and seemingly non-triadic. Consider the opening sonority, B-flat F C, a series of stacked fifths, which is more or less inert musically (traditional tonal theory requiring the presence of a major or minor third before a chord's function can be determined). The next measure begins A E G, a fifth plus a minor seventh (notice the lack of a third again). The third measure begins E-flat F D (major second and major seventh), which might be reinterpreted as an D minor chord in inversion (though this is somewhat dubious, considering the context). Finally, the last chord, a D-A fifth with a tremolo between an E-natural and an F-sharp (or G-flat), is a parallel to the opening chord (except with the addition of that F-sharp). The chords beginning all the measures heavily utilize fifths, sevenths, and major ninths/seconds (all of which are usually de-emphasized in favor of thirds/sixths within the language of triadic harmony), producing an "alien" sound to the item collection music that parallels the "alienness" of the Metroid game itself. Additionally, the A to E-flat tritone is carefully avoided, which makes some sense given that it too is extremely important in tonal harmony (as part of diminished and dominant chords).
(Disclaimer: many of you will not find this site funny. that's fine. don't tell me about it.)