I have honestly had enough of the stress and worry I keep putting behind job interviews. Sorry if this is long, but I wanted to get this off my chest.
Some back story on me, I've worked at a bunch of jobs in my field following college (about one every 2-3 years). My first job, I didn't really feel it was right for me and not really the kind of work I wanted to do. The second, it was a small non-profit and they couldn't really afford to keep me on. Moving on from there, I got into the field that I'm currently in.
The work is somewhat niche so there's always opportunity it seems, but the interviews themselves are beyond brutal. I've had three jobs since finding the field right for me, got a higher position after the first, and then was laid off when the second company that paid me more hit hard times during the recession.
Following this, I went through the process of interviewing for a new position and I seriously think I have PTSD from this. I went to interview after interview, one of them taking, I shit you not, THREE MONTHS (was unemployed for 8). For my work, I have to practically meet EVERYONE working in a firm because they'll all be working with me directly. I must have interviewed with 30 people. I had been assured that the job was mine, it wasn't. It came down to the other guy had a Masters degree and I didn't. It was rough, especially considering I was unemployed at the time and was desperate for work.
So I went to interview after interview, almost making it every single time (I think I've had four interviews in my life where I got to the final round and it came down to me and one other person, and the other candidate got it. Just really bad luck.)
When I moved to a new state, I was really low. I was suffering from severe depression and it nearly ended my relationship. I applied for a new job while working a few side gigs, and was told that again, it was down to me and one other person. Guess what happened? I got a call informing me that they were going with the other candidate and I just sort of snapped. I couldn't get out of bed for a week. It was the lowest I've ever been in my entire life.
Out of the blue calls the place I had interviewed with, asking if I can have lunch with a few people I talked with. They talk with me about the position for like an hour, pick up the tab, and then send me on my way. I'm thinking to myself, "What the fuck just happened?" and go about my day. Two hours later, I get a call telling me I got the job....somehow?? Still to this day I have absolutely no idea what happened but I lept at the chance and I've been there ever since.
Been working there coming up on three years, but recently, I got an email sent to me claiming that someone was staking me out from a larger company. This position would essentially put me at the highest level I could achieve for my age. So, I approached it with the mindset that I was going to not give a fuck about the interview whatsoever. I was going to go in and be as casual as possible because I'm at a job and I don't need this one.
I have had 5 different interviews so far with 15 different people. It has been a month and change since I received the preliminary phone interview. I have sent thank you notes and my last face to face was the tail end of last week, and over this process, I started really wanting this job.....and I feel horrible again. I feel all that depression and anxiety coming back again even though I don't need this job, except I do need it. I need a job that will allow me to buy a car, or put a down payment on a house, or start a family and as good as my job is right now, I can't do that with it.
This latest job is my ticket to that and I'm stressing out and I just want them to tell me already if I got it or not so I can stop freaking out.
The process is broken and I just want to be able to have one phone call interview, one face to face and be told within a week as to whether or not I have the job. Is that really so difficult in this day and age? Am I really asking too much? Sigh. I don't even know how to cope with this shit anymore. I'm so scared of losing my job and going back to that depression and anxiety that I hoard my money and think "Ok, I can be unemployed for this long and still have money in the bank." God, I need a drink or something.