Breaking Bad: overrated, over here, and thankfully, all over
Breaking Bad has finally ended. Ed Cumming is glad to see the back of it, and its boring
In its way, this is a historic moment. A small but long-suffering group of outcasts can breathe a sigh of relief. It feels like the Armistice Day of a long and attritional civil war. Breaking Bad, the most overrated TV show of its generation, has finished. Its plot has hinged for the last time on some ridiculously improbable decision by a character. Jesse has uttered his final idiotic exclamation. #Breakingbad will have trended its last.
Of course the problem has never been the programme itself. It is innocently beamed into our homes, easy to ignore. Neither can we blame the producers, who have made millions out of the Emperor's New Television. In Mencken's words, nobody went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public. I can even forgive Anna Gunn, who wrote a ridiculous article claiming that critics of her character didn't like strong women. No, Anna, I don't like feeling as if I've been sedated every time the ghastly Skyler lumbers into view.
The real problem has always been the fans. The Breaking Bores, media's most loathsome demographic, who whine on and on and on, like Jehovah's Witnesses without the manners. Actually, they're worse than that. Religious nuts at least usually have the grace to acknowledge that their beliefs are subjective. Breaking Bores are more like radical atheists, convinced that their position is objective fact, and about as much fun to talk to.
For five years the programme has been a Statue of Liberty for uncritical ovine viewers. Bring me your credulous, it cried, and your naive. Bring me people who've never seen Weeds. Bring me people who've never seen a real married couple, a teacher/pupil relationship or a cancer sufferer. At times I considered cooking meth myself, so I could spend the proceeds on sabotaging the enjoyment of everyone who posted about it on my Facebook. I am the one who knocks your aerial off.
I have already adjusted to a post Breaking Bad world. I look forward to using water coolers again, safe in the knowledge that there won't be some Olympian dullard banging on about Bryan Cranston. I look forward to spreading this New Yorker profile, which makes the actor out to be a total nightmare.
Most of all, I'm looking forward to never again hearing, reading or thinking about the joke about how the end of Breaking Bad is actually the start of Malcolm in the Middle. They're the same actor, you say? How brilliant.
You've had your fun, Breaking Bores. But it's over now. Let the rest of us live what remains of our lives in peace.