Cheating on your SO

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Kem0sabe

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So, just got back from an "emergency" breakfast with my best friend... the poor guy just found that that his wife has been cheating on him for 3 years... i was best man on their wedding 5 years ago.

What the hell prompts someone to cheat on their significant other? from where i´m standing, i´m seeing this happen more and more in society, a general lack of moral fiber, couples are breaking up left and right due to cheating, promiscuity is rampant and i feel like society as a whole is going to shit.

Maybe i´m just overreacting, but i would like to read other people´s thoughts on this. Do people just have less patience, these days, to work out their relationship issues or are the relationship themselves more and more messed up?

P.S Sorry for rant, office full of women is not the best place to let off some steam, so gaf is the next best thing. :D
 
Ashley Madison isn't so bad...I already got my first date!
 
Entitlement is a socially crippling disease. Some people think they can have their cake and eat it too. She did, for three bloody years!
 
I can't imagine being cheated on for 3 years without picking up on any signs. They can't have been 'right' for each other.

Don't let it phase you, OP. There are tons of great relationships out there, it's just that lately people have realised they don't have to stay in shitty relationships just to please society / the wider community.
 
Kem0sabe said:
So, just got back from an "emergency" breakfast with my best friend... the poor guy just found that that his wife has been cheating on him for 3 years... i was best man on their wedding 5 years ago.

What the hell prompts someone to cheat on their significant other? from where i´m standing, i´m seeing this happen more and more in society, a general lack of moral fiber, couples are breaking up left and right due to cheating, promiscuity is rampant and i feel like society as a whole is going to shit.

Maybe i´m just overreacting, but i would like to read other people´s thoughts on this. Do people just have less patience, these days, to work out their relationship issues or are the relationship themselves more and more messed up?

P.S Sorry for rant, office full of women is not the best place to let off some steam, so gaf is the next best thing. :D
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People cheating is not a new phenomenon. They'd just keep it hidden better or never divorce. I assume it comes from at the very base of it all, a lack of communication and selfishness.
 
Kem0sabe said:
So, just got back from an "emergency" breakfast with my best friend... the poor guy just found that that his wife has been cheating on him for 3 years... i was best man on their wedding 5 years ago.

What the hell prompts someone to cheat on their significant other? from where i´m standing, i´m seeing this happen more and more in society, a general lack of moral fiber, couples are breaking up left and right due to cheating, promiscuity is rampant and i feel like society as a whole is going to shit.

Maybe i´m just overreacting, but i would like to read other people´s thoughts on this. Do people just have less patience, these days, to work out their relationship issues or are the relationship themselves more and more messed up?

P.S Sorry for rant, office full of women is not the best place to let off some steam, so gaf is the next best thing. :D
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That's bull shit. People have always cheated and they will keep cheating. There are many reasons why people cheat you can't singel out the reasons. I guess it's just in our nature and more people will give in easier then others.
 
I don't think it's fair to generalize about relationships in general regarding this. It's probably been happening since couples desired monogamous relationships way-back-when. Cave people finding the next-cave neighbour's loin cloth in their den and all that.

IMO 3 years is far too long to forgive, though. That's some seriously mind screwing stuff for your friend. Can't believe someone would be able to lie to their SO's face that long about something so (apparently not so, in this case) serious.
 
Sometimes people will stay in relationships for the wrong reasons.

Desperation - spending time single without any interest - can cause a person to settle, go back to an ex they never really wanted, in an attempt to not be alone. Also, sometimes a person will be unable to break up with a person they don't want to be with, for fear of hurting them, or due to social awkwardness.

And some people just don't give a shit about their significant other's feelings, or don't think/consider any consequences. Human beings are weak, especially when sex is involved.

All of this leads to cheating, sometimes habitual cheating. No matter why his wife cheated on him, what she did is fucking inexcusable. I can only hope there's some sort of karmic retribution or divine punishment for cheaters.
 
There are so many reasons that she could have been cheating on your friend, and I won't try to explain what the reason behind it was. All I know is that it is a really dickish thing to break someone's trust like that.
 
Kem0sabe said:
What the hell prompts someone to cheat on their significant other? from where i´m standing, i´m seeing this happen more and more in society, a general lack of moral fiber, couples are breaking up left and right due to cheating, promiscuity is rampant and i feel like society as a whole is going to shit.

Maybe i´m just overreacting, but i would like to read other people´s thoughts on this. Do people just have less patience, these days, to work out their relationship issues or are the relationship themselves more and more messed up?
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Humans have been cheating on each other since the first ape looked at the cave next door and saw new ape butt.

People are scum all around the world in all cultures and in all times, don't kid yourself.

No, "these days" are exactly the same as "those days" and cheating has always been rampant. There's a billion reasons why it may SEEM like it happened less in older days, a major reason being less mass communication (no pics, no paper trail, no proof). Another good reason is that women were second class citizens in most Western nations until this century, so no one would have CARED if anyone cheated. ANOTHER good reason is internet porn, people are more likely to stick out their loveless, sexless marriages if they can relieve their sexual lusts online.

If anything, cheating has probably GONE DOWN in recent times. But not because of any moral reasons, just from statistics: people are marrying less young and therefore getting their wild youth and experimentation out of their systems before settling down.
 
The time span on this was mind bending. Couple of thing´s first to help you understand how this was even possible without him noticing.

We live in an island, group of islands to be more precise, my friend´s soon to be ex-wife is a doctor, gynecologist, who travels every other weak to other island´s for consults.

From what i understood she was cheating on him with her ex high school boyfriend, who lived on one of those other islands.

The reason she told him was that they (her and her douche bag lover) have decided to get married... after she leaves my friend.

I remember telling him back when they started dating that he had lucked out by finding just a great, funny and successful girl. *sigh*

I´m happily married myself, going on 2 years this July. I can´t even begin to phantom the level of crazy sociopath to lead a double life like this for 3 years... Oo
 
a coworker cheated on her bf with me this past friday. while we were in bed she was saying how she was always someone who thought it was extremely wrong, and could never understand why people would do it, but now she could. had something to do with him being very possessive, yet boring. which was the reason he was sleeping in her bed and calling her at 1am wondering where she was when he knew she was out at a bar with co workers cause he didn't want to come and is a boring guy. i feel bad but eh... if it wasnt me it wouldve been someone else. and this is just early-20s bs, not marriage level seriousness, so i guess reasoning is far less relevant.
 
I've been cheated on twice, never been the cheater and it doesn't feel good. You want to physically do something, but you can't. then comes the constant self doubt (especially if the person who did the cheating never explained themselves) about how you can approach another relationship, if things are going right, too fast, too slow, what are you doing that could cause this current person to act out like a past relationship did.

It's all just a giant mind fuck that doesn't leave you for awhile.

best thing for you to do is be there for the dude if he needs to talk in the future. which he'll most likely need to.
 
DieNgamers said:
Cheating on your loved one is one of the lowest things I can think of. Just the thought of it hurts...
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Some times the love has died out, people go through the motions and eventually the other one will decided it's not enough and seeks closeness and companionship from other people. Why they can't be upfornt with their loved ones isn't always simple issue. Common sense says it should be easy but far too many times common sense fails.
 
mcrae said:
a coworker cheated on her bf with me this past friday. while we were in bed she was saying how she was always someone who thought it was extremely wrong, and could never understand why people would do it, but now she could. had something to do with him being very possessive, yet boring. which was the reason he was sleeping in her bed and calling her at 1am wondering where she was when he knew she was out at a bar with co workers cause he didn't want to come and is a boring guy. i feel bad but eh... if it wasnt me it wouldve been someone else. and this is just early-20s bs, not marriage level seriousness, so i guess reasoning is far less relevant.
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There would still be the possiblity of her saying it into his face and put things straight (or maybe to end the relationship).. Talking can helpful. Much better than messing things up behind your partner's back, I think.
Some times the love has died out, people go through the motions and eventually the other one will decided it's not enough and seeks closeness and companionship from other people. Why they can't be upfornt with their loved ones isn't always simple issue. Common sense says it should be easy but far too many times common sense fails.
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I can agree with that, though. I just hope I never get into that situation! ;D
 
I think cheating is the most morally reprehensible.thing you can do to someone. It.happens so often and its why I will nevsr get married.

I also find it funny.that if a man hits a woman, he can go to jail. But if a woman cheats on a man for 3 years, she can divorce him, sue him, take half is assets and money not worry about any repercussions.

Im not saying anyone deserves violence, but I also dont think its right that people can cheat, divorce and sue and get away with it.
 
Here in The Netherlands we even have websites now that support cheating.
You can find people to cheat with over there...

One is called ''secondlove'', and they even have radio commercials in which stuff is said like : ''75% of cheating women feel more attractive than before''

It's really sad imo, if you are of the type that can't stick to 1 person, then don't start a monogamous relationship, it's not that hard...
 
ShinobiFist said:
Really? Why? It happen to me with a girl I was with for 3 years and it never bother me. I let karma handle that for me.
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I can´t honestly say how i would react, probably do something immensely stupid and self destructive.

I agree with some of the comments here tho, that if there is no passion, then there is nothing left in the relationship to continue with. I can see how friendship and companionship would be motivation factors to stay in a relationship, but i figure that in the end it only leads to frustration. :(

My father told me before i got married, "Loving someone is a very different thing to being in Love with someone".
 
DieNgamers said:
I can agree with that, though. I just hope I never get into that situation! ;D
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It sucks. I'm not defending cheating but I have seen it happen and it's never been black & white issue. Especially with women there are many factors. Getting married is still huge for some women, they start planning dream wedding at early age and so on, then they finally get married and daily life doesn't turn out as they had expected but since marriage in first place was such huge deal it's psychological issue to end it, even if you are not in love anymore.

Male friend of mine who cheated his wife didn't tell his family because the wife was happy as were the kids. He started cheating and it went on long. He wasn't happy in the marriage but kept the pretense on while cheating, he thought it would be right thing to do for all. Eventually other friend got him stop cheating and instead cheating he started drinking, he is now divocred. Wife didn't find out about the cheating tho.

Of course there are cases when someone will just jump to bed with another person but not always.
 
I don't know, shinobi, how can you truly trust and love someone if you're able to discard them and your feelings for them so easily?

Cheating is the goddamn worst. Just break up with the person if you want someone else. It's really not too much to ask for.
 
jaxword said:
Humans have been cheating on each other since the first ape looked at the cave next door and saw new ape butt.

People are scum all around the world in all cultures and in all times, don't kid yourself.

No, "these days" are exactly the same as "those days" and cheating has always been rampant. There's a billion reasons why it may SEEM like it happened less in older days, a major reason being less mass communication (no pics, no paper trail, no proof). Another good reason is that women were second class citizens in most Western nations until this century, so no one would have CARED if anyone cheated. ANOTHER good reason is internet porn, people are more likely to stick out their loveless, sexless marriages if they can relieve their sexual lusts online.

If anything, cheating has probably GONE DOWN in recent times. But not because of any moral reasons, just from statistics: people are marrying less young and therefore getting their wild youth and experimentation out of their systems before settling down.
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Proof that evolution is a lie.
 
When I was 18, it happened to me with a girl I dated for 2 years and I was crushed. I found out from the guys MySpace because he wrote a blog bragging about the banging.

If my fiancé ever cheated on me, I can't imagine how devastated I'd feel.
 
Kem0sabe said:
What the hell prompts someone to cheat on their significant other? from where i´m standing, i´m seeing this happen more and more in society, a general lack of moral fiber, couples are breaking up left and right due to cheating, promiscuity is rampant and i feel like society as a whole is going to shit.
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"King Henry the Eighth, to six wives he was wedded. One died, one survived, two divorced, two beheaded"

I'm not sure that the "general lack of moral fiber is" more prevalent in modern society. We're just not inclined to monogamy as a species is all.

It still feels like shit when you are betrayed like that, but it's not that unique and it never was.
 
I would defently cheat on my GF if the chance came up but thats only because im not that happy with how things are going at the moment.
 
TheVampire said:
I would defently cheat on my GF if the chance came up but thats only because im not that happy with how things are going at the moment.
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You have issues far beyond what should or could be solved by an anonymous video game nerd forum. Break up and seek professional help.
 
Zeouterlimits said:
I don't know, shinobi, how can you truly trust and love someone if you're able to discard them and your feelings for them so easily?

Cheating is the goddamn worst. Just break up with the person if you want someone else. It's really not too much to ask for.
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Easy, I get a new one. I never said I kept dating her after that incident. When she told me, I didn't say anything, went home took a shower and went to work, and did my DJ set. When we spoke on the phone the following day, I went straight to the point. And that was that. I learned a lot from my first serious break-up.
 
SonicMegaDrive said:
How to deal with being betrayed in the worst way by the one person you care most about?
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Hopefully you won´t murder anyone in a fit of rage. Luckily my buddy just sat there with me shocked, i couldn't´t get much from him and only managed to know the details because one of the girls in our group of friends was in on this shit and told me when i called her trying to know more.

Now im left with the prospect of a divided group of friends and a messed up for life best friend.

He´s crashing at my house in the next few days until they resolve their shit about the house and the rest of their stuff, thank god there are no kids involved.
 
I can see why one would like to have sex with others. But you don't, cause you don't want to hurt you SO (presuming the SO wouldn't like it). It's just a simple matter of empathy and decency. We want to keep things for ourselves. We want to be the only person who mastered the SO.
It's not like we don't want to add more people to the list, but we agreed on selfishniss in partnership. Pretty weird, since spreading the chances of propagation is much wiser biologicly/ evolutionairy speaking.

We are the dramaqueens in the animal kingdom. All emotional and shit.
 
ShinobiFist said:
Easy, I get a new one. I never said I kept dating her after that incident. When she told me, I didn't say anything, went home took a shower and went to work, and did my DJ set. When we spoke on the phone the following day, I went straight to the point. And that was that. I learned a lot from my first serious break-up.
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You learned how to not completely trust someone and open yourself up?
 
3 years is about as long as your body chemistry allows you to remain passionately enchanted by another person before been supressed by adaptive mechanisms.

Evolutionarily, we're not life long monogamous creatures - we are monogamous for as long as it takes to get the infant to a toddler stage, where the child can walk and be less of a burden on the mother.

In a society that overemphasizes and weaves unrealistic myths around the notion of romantic love... the heady passion that one feels upon meeting another that chemically aligns with you, the fall out that results once that passion expires is a natural consequence of unhealthy and false dichotomies of love.

A society that is ideally structured to take into account the ways we really feel about things would look far different from what we think a 'good society' should look like, at least from our current vantage point.

But even without going the whole hog and trashing tradition, we can still become more aware and more intune with the dual nature of love - the passion and the companionship that it offers. Pragmatically, practically, work towards the latter even as the flames of the former dies down.

Or just accept that the difference in rates of 'passions cooling off' will result in one hurt partner when the chemical cycle inevitably draws to a conclusion. But that does leave the children that are the product of such a temporary engagement rather put out.
 
ShinobiFist said:
Easy, I get a new one. I never said I kept dating her after that incident.
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Well yeah, I'd guess one would break up after finding out, I certainly would. What kind of relationship could one have after something like that?

It's the simple discarding of your feelings I couldn't do/fathom. Love my partner so much, there's no way I would just go "get a new one".
Isn't part of being so close to someone opening yourself up to that pain?
 
jaxword said:
Well, yeah, it IS just an atheist plot.
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I know, right? I mean, rational people can control how they feel about and react to everything. Except commitment to monogamous relationships. That one is still back in the caveman days.
 
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