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Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already
- Thread starter gaiages
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ZackieChan
Member
It's generally for people looking for a "real" relationship, not just hookups or casual dating, in my experience. More quality women, for sure. But sometimes difficult to get a match.
Pulled the ripcord on a conversation with a rather dull girl on OKC by bringing up fanfiction. Figure i'd either get her to talk about something interesting or scare her off (i don't mean normal dull, the mundane crap she was blogging about was kind of painful to see).
I'll admit i've lost practice, a pretty busy summer.
Edit: I had Coffee Meets Bagel recommended by a grad school friend i met in DC last week. Working professional himself, it does seem like a good option to exercise. Has to be better than PoF and its proliferation of proud "country girls."
I'll admit i've lost practice, a pretty busy summer.
Edit: I had Coffee Meets Bagel recommended by a grad school friend i met in DC last week. Working professional himself, it does seem like a good option to exercise. Has to be better than PoF and its proliferation of proud "country girls."
Yeah... so I think that Jewish girl I went out with last week is nuts. Did I mention that she's a stoner? No? Well today I get a text from her wishing me a happy hump day then she agreed to meet up on Tuesday.
She calls me mid way through as I'm typing a text to let me know that she's stoned and we have a conversation about her week and her going back today as well as making plans for next week. We finish our conversation and I text her the plans to meet me at the courtyard where I meet my boss at. Said courtyard is inside a hotel. She gets apprehensive and asks why she in the world would meet me in a hotel.
I tell her that it's not what she thinks it is and tell her that it's a public place where people (I've been there on several dates and it's been fine) meet up at then mention that there's a Starbucks nearby. She replies with a okay. I think since she smokes weed every day, it makes her super paranoid or at least whatever weed she's been smoking. I don't know if I would stick with dating this girl in the long run because that's a bit of a red flag for me as I much as I like the fact that she's direct and honest.
It's a good thing I've been chatting with and making plans with other girls as well; two girls from CMB that seem promising. Does anyone have experience dating stoners?
She calls me mid way through as I'm typing a text to let me know that she's stoned and we have a conversation about her week and her going back today as well as making plans for next week. We finish our conversation and I text her the plans to meet me at the courtyard where I meet my boss at. Said courtyard is inside a hotel. She gets apprehensive and asks why she in the world would meet me in a hotel.
I tell her that it's not what she thinks it is and tell her that it's a public place where people (I've been there on several dates and it's been fine) meet up at then mention that there's a Starbucks nearby. She replies with a okay. I think since she smokes weed every day, it makes her super paranoid or at least whatever weed she's been smoking. I don't know if I would stick with dating this girl in the long run because that's a bit of a red flag for me as I much as I like the fact that she's direct and honest.
It's a good thing I've been chatting with and making plans with other girls as well; two girls from CMB that seem promising. Does anyone have experience dating stoners?
CmB is overall pretty solid, though I tend to be more picky on it than other places I've tried. Not sure why, guess because of that more relationship-commitment angle it goes for. It's not always stable either, they need to fix that.
Speaking of which, the"maybe" gal I was talking with on there went silent on me which is too bad, but I guess she wasn't feeling it either. She's very sweet but a little too sweet and nice.
The last girl I was seeing was a stoner
Immensely frustrating. I can understand liking weed, but acting like it's the best thing ever is just a bit too much. Every little problem made her run to weed, and sometimes she wouldn't see me because she was short on cash but would still buy weed.
So the guy I've been talking to for 4 weeks just stopped answering today. Last message from him was have a good sleep and I texted him today to ask about our plans tomorrow, but nothing... Posted before about us not talking daily, but ironically since that post he's messaged me everyday. We have tickets to see a show tomorrow, but I don't have a printer so I sent him my pdf last night to print for me. Kinda messed up that he's just going to bail like that and likely give someone else my ticket after I wasted 20 bucks... This would have been date six and honestly my best streak in 2+ years. Didn't think it would bother me that much, but it has... I'm going to continue working out and investing in hobbies as much as I can, but this still sucks. It's super emotionally draining and I feel absolutely horrible and sad tonight. I've been ghosted before, but this time seems by far the most random. Deep down I hope there's an explanation, but my gut tells me its done
Megalosaro
Banned
I was at my friends house and his girlfriend asked if I like korean girls.
I asked why. She said she had a friend.
I then asked if she was north or south korean. She got pissed and said something like "why the fuck would I know someone from north korea"
Now she won't introduce me lol
I asked why. She said she had a friend.
I then asked if she was north or south korean. She got pissed and said something like "why the fuck would I know someone from north korea"
Now she won't introduce me lol
To remind ourselves of the time when Jason got flaked on (think she was stuck in traffic actually) and told the girl he had spent a whooping $6 on a parking ticket and it was very rude of her not to show up considering that. Needless to say there wasn't a second date.
Haha, oh wow. Sorry Jason, I feel ya, but that's no bueno.
SpiritSlayer
Member
I've got a question. I've recently started taking flying lessons and one of the girls that works at the school has caught my attention. I haven't really said much to her the few times I've been there but I'd like to. What do I do GAF? I don't talk much as is so I'm at a loss for words.
ZackieChan
Member
ProTip: learn to make small talk with people. It will help you in pretty much every facet of your adult life. Google it, read How to Make Friends and Influence People, check out some YouTube videos. Whatever it takes. Practice on strangers.
Honestly I wasn't looking for any evidence, I just simply went on her profile since my friend asked me what she looked like. Her pictures are the same, she's just updated the text recently.
We've not had any sort of discussion, so no, we're not exclusive. I want something more short-term/casual anyway, but that said this is beating me up more than I thought it would. Part of it is probably jealously, fear of not being good enough, Im not quite sure. Im also kind of weirded out by her fucking other guys whilst Ive been going out with her...
Ughhh.
ZackieChan
Member
Soo...you DON'T want something casual. Or you just want it to be casual on your end. That ain't fair.
I do want something short-term/casual, I'm just not actively looking for other girls at the moment so I was a little taken back by it.
I certainly don't want it to be casual just on my end, I've just not been in this situation before.
Perhaps deep down I feel attached to her, I don't know.
SpiritSlayer
Member
I can add How to Make Friends and Influence People to list of things to read. I've already read Models and No More Mr. Nice Guy but at this point it seems as though I have trouble executing what I've read. Any tips for that?
Jawmuncher
Member
Any recommendations on an audio book for small talk? I have a decent drive every morning so that would work well for me.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Incendiary
Banned
Casual means different things to different people. Casual could mean I don't want an official relationship but like hanging out with you and seeing you naked, so let's do that without commitment and it's only you I'm seeing. Or it could mean I've going on four dates this week and you're just one of many I'm seeing.
The solution is, as others have said, talking to her. Assumptions get you nowhere.
DeathoftheEndless
Crashing this plane... with no survivors!
My date went well last night. I learned very quickly that she is a talker. I just had to ask her something and off she went lol. I'm a laid-back guy and she seems like the opposite, but I think we mesh well. It was fun and we made plans to see each other again next week, so we'll see how that goes.
Had a date the other night with a girl who would just not stop talking about herself. I don't think she asked me a single thing about myself the whole time. I usually don't mind a bit of imbalance in the conversation and I'd much prefer the conversation be about her than about me, but this was extreme. She spoke about 95% of the time. Even when I tried to say something she would often interrupt me.
I'll likely see her at social events we both attend so I sent a text telling her I think the next time we see each other we should just be friends. If it weren't for the high risk of bumping into her I would have just said we're not compatible and moved on. For the sake of minimizing awkwardness though, best to keep it civil.
Honestly, I feel pretty good about how I handled it. I didn't want to waste my time going on a second date when we're so obviously not compatible and best to get it out of 'dating territory' as soon as possible so she doesn't get a chance to become invested in anything that isn't there.
Got a couple of dates lined up for the weekend that I'm looking forward to. Glad to have a bit more free time available for dating lately.
I'll likely see her at social events we both attend so I sent a text telling her I think the next time we see each other we should just be friends. If it weren't for the high risk of bumping into her I would have just said we're not compatible and moved on. For the sake of minimizing awkwardness though, best to keep it civil.
Honestly, I feel pretty good about how I handled it. I didn't want to waste my time going on a second date when we're so obviously not compatible and best to get it out of 'dating territory' as soon as possible so she doesn't get a chance to become invested in anything that isn't there.
Got a couple of dates lined up for the weekend that I'm looking forward to. Glad to have a bit more free time available for dating lately.
Is it?
I'm an introvert by nature but can be extroverted when I need to be in social situations (and it exhausts me to no end so I keep it at a minimum). Is that what you mean?
That just sounds like a buzzword/phrase for some clicks, honestly. The article itself notes that most people have a little bit of introversion and extroversion in them. Like everything, it's a sliding scale, so it's really just the headline that kind of undermines it.
I always liked this illustrative piece.
I'm seeing girls have that on their profiles.
Even the last girl I talked to claimed to be an extroverted introvert, and it's making me cautious. I can understand some people feed off of different vibes and operate on different frequencies, but I feel like it's an excuse for people to act however they want. Then when questioned about it respond with "it's just the way I am."
Yeah, sounds like they're trying to cover all their bases and not label themselves as one thing to put themselves out there. To me I see that as a sign of not really knowing who they are. Then again, if they're in their early or mid 20s (not sure what age range you're looking at) I kind of expect that and you just have to roll with it. This goes for dudes too.
I tend to date later 20s and into 30s and when I see a profile that flat out says who they are and they're comfortable with themselves, I find it incredibly attractive. This girl I'm seeing on Saturday had a picture of her in loungewear, no makeup and brushing her teeth and essentially saying "Yep, that's me." I found that sexier than any of her vacation/posing pics.
Megalosaro
Banned
Nah, I was being a smart ass. I feel it was a fair question though lol.
I think it possibly comes from a misunderstanding of introversion/extroversion. For many people introversion = shy, awkward, quiet, extroversion = talkative, outgoing, friendly. I've often had dates tell me that they're shocked that I consider myself an introvert, apparently because I'm so chatty.
I think the accepted consensus nowadays seems to hinge on how people get their energy or recharge their batteries. Introverts recharge alone and tend to expend energy in social situations. Extroverts recharge by being around others and feel drained when they are by themselves.
I think the confusion possibly stems from the inclination of introverts towards being quiet, shy types. I don't think being an introvert means you have to be shy and quiet, but there's definitely a correlation there that results from how introverts recharge. It is tougher for introverts to develop good social skills. Not to say that this isn't true for extroverts, many of them also have poor social skills (think rude or obnoxious people). Introverts unfortunately can isolate themselves quite easily, particularly in formative adolescent years and this can lead to them being poor conversationalists or otherwise not good around people.
If someone described themselves as an extroverted introvert. I would just assume that they are a person who needs a lot of time alone, but is perfectly comfortable in social situations. Or similarly it's like saying "I'm an introvert, but not an awkward weirdo."
That's what I figured, I would laugh so hard if someone asked me "north or south", not sure why she got so mad.
Incendiary
Banned
Yeah, I said something similar on my OKC profile when I had one. Essentially I explained that I'm fine in social situations and enjoy going out, but I need me time to recharge and relax. There needs to be a better term for it than extroverted introvert for sure.
Most Koreans I've met are fairly patriotic. If the girl you were chatting with was also Korean, I wouldn't be surprised at that reaction.
As I'm sure you're aware, probability-wise when someone says that they're Korean, 99% chance they mean South Korean.
On a related note, you missed out man. Korean girls are great.
Megalosaro
Banned
I don't really consider myself shy, but at the same time, I get exhausted in social situations. I have no problem intreating with new people. I'm not a fan of parties though
The girl I was talking to is filipino. If say the probability of her being s. Korean is a he'll of a lot more than 99% lol. Something like 99.999999999%
The girl I was talking to is filipino. If say the probability of her being s. Korean is a he'll of a lot more than 99% lol. Something like 99.999999999%
Lone_Prodigy
Member
I just see "extroverted introvert" as a term meant to make someone sound smart.
davidwhangchoi
Member
AlephAlpha
Member
Today I had to skype with my ex who broke my heart in January. It was because of a project at work. Now I feel like complete shit 
electricshake
Member
Outgoing introvert?
Well there is a term called ambivert too. Then again, it's not necessary to talk about being an outgoing introvert, since the term introvert does not imply not-outgoing. It has nothing to do with that. It's simply that when you have gone out, you need some time to relax by yourself.
If you give up then yeah you might be. If you don't give up, you won't be.
Being single at 40 doesn't necessarily mean you'll be unhappy at 40. I think it's unhealthy to think that you need to be in a relationship to be happy.
But I guess that's beside the point, why do you think you'll be single at 40?
I know I'm just being irrational and emotional, but I really feel like, if I don't get out of this area, nothing is gonna happen for me.
I'll either have to settle for someone that has kids, or I'm not physically attracted to.
I know I need more time to heal anyways, but it's all so frustrating. My ex is parading her guy around my friends, and I'm still depressed and stuck in the past. I know people say you need to be moved on and healed before meeting someone new, but when I meet someone awesome, it erases all the pain and agony of my last relationship. Healthy or not, it's the quickest fix for me
If the place you're living now isn't working for you dating-wise, is leaving an option? Sometimes the place you're living is just not a good match for you. I know this isn't viable for a lot of people for work or family reasons, but if finding a relationship is key to your happiness, then you need to fix the things that are stopping you from finding someone. It's a drastic change yes, but it might be necessary.
That being said, you say you are still hung up on your ex. Why do you think you can't let go of her?
We broke up 14 months ago and it still feels like yesterday. I've had many relationships, but being with her, it felt the most real and I saw marriage. I blew it though. I think it's the guilt/regret and hearing how happy she is now, that has caused me not to fully let go. It's pathetic, I know
It's not pathetic, you cared for this person a lot clearly. If your relationship with her was truly perfect, then you'd still be together. You're not, so clearly something went wrong. If you feel like it's because you blew it, then maybe try to make sure that never happens again. Learn from your mistakes.
14 months is a long time though. Have you thought about talking to someone about it?
SpiritSlayer
Member
I'd like to echo this thought as well. Is there an audiobook or book for small talk?
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