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Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already
- Thread starter gaiages
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So I'm at the point where I dread talking to and hanging out with my girl. Her personality is awful and being around her just puts me in a sour mood. I've never had to end things with someone before, but I think at this point it's what I want and need to do. What's the best way to do it?
I'm fairly direct and am planning on just saying something to the effect of "We need to stop seeing each other. I just don't see us meshing well together and we shouldn't waste each other's time anymore."
I'm fairly direct and am planning on just saying something to the effect of "We need to stop seeing each other. I just don't see us meshing well together and we shouldn't waste each other's time anymore."
Depends what kind of person she is (low-key, dramatic, emotional, maybe shy and quiet etc...) and how long you've been with her. To you it's just saying "it's over" and you've had time to think about it, to her it may come out of nowhere.
Been seeing each other for like 4-5 months, so nothing too crazy and she's somewhere between dramatic and emotional. I have no doubt she'll cuss me out when I bring it up, but I feel like the bandaid approach (rip it off fast) is probably the best route.
Ah, if it were shorter period I feel a phonecall would suffice especially if you think she'd "flip out." But a few months like that it should be a sit down and just do it. Word it nicely, don't insult or demean and expect the cussing/emotion to come, but be done with it.
Others should chime in because that's just what I think, it's not something I've ever actually done.
Edit: Also, anyone who gets broken up with usually wants to know why. So expect that. Have some answer but not "you're awful and I hate your personality."
Yeah, my exes have always been the one to end things, so I've never had to deal with this before, haha, but I think a sit down and face to face conversation is absolutely going to happen.
I expect the "why" question to come up as well, but it's gonna be tough to not sound like an ass, when I answer haha. Her personality is almost entirely why I don't want to be with her anymore and I don't know how to say that other than saying something like "I think our personalities just don't match." I feel like the next question after that is gonna be "What about them doesn't match?" :/
She's very condescending to people she deems "dumber" than her (which is just about everyone). A very common thing for her to say is that "If *insert name* just acknowledged that I'm always right, then there would be no issues."
And she definitely has some sort of inferiority complex where she constantly has to assert that she's now the smartest person in the room. She's in school now and is about to graduate in December so it's even more exacerbated because she thinks shes learned everything there is to know about everything and it's tiresome. Like if anyone makes a joke, she's the one to not laugh and say "We'll as a matter of fact..."
That probably doesn't highlight the problems well, but living it day in and day out is getting old.
Yeah, that's a good way to word it, I think. I don't know about the follow up, but if you can think of general things (maybe she's really outgoing and you're not that etc...) then that might be a way to approach it. You just have to stay away from getting into a debate/argument or her saying "I can change" because the "I can change" thing isn't really a thing.
Yeah that's the goal, haha, and I really think she wouldn't say "I can change", but she'd probably go with "Well, we can work on changing you, together." :/
Which is the crux of the issue.
ZackieChan
Member
I wanna go back...
On fleek
I'm too old for all these "terms." I guess it's like someone else said - people struggling to define themselves. I suppose that's a good thing, as before people just felt like they were broken or didn't fit in (like young introvert me). But man it's exhausting. Ambivert might be what puts me over the edge 🤓
Been meaning to post here for a while, but kept forgetting to.
So good news, peeps. Tomorrow I'll be going on my FOURTH date with a girl I've been seeing after an incredibly long dry spell. This chick's a bit of a milestone for me because she happens to be the first Asian that I've ever dated. She's sweet, cute and if I may brag a big, quite buxom.
~~
We're going to meet up for dinner and then have some playtime afterwards.
So good news, peeps. Tomorrow I'll be going on my FOURTH date with a girl I've been seeing after an incredibly long dry spell. This chick's a bit of a milestone for me because she happens to be the first Asian that I've ever dated. She's sweet, cute and if I may brag a big, quite buxom.
~~We're going to meet up for dinner and then have some playtime afterwards.
Been meaning to post here for a while, but kept forgetting to.
So good news, peeps. Tomorrow I'll be going on my FOURTH date with a girl I've been seeing after an incredibly long dry spell. This chick's a bit of a milestone for me because she happens to be the first Asian that I've ever dated. She's sweet, cute and if I may brag a big, quite buxom.
We're going to meet up for dinner and then have some playtime afterwards.
Have fun man!
What do you consider your failings with smalltalk? Inability to initiate conversation? Lack of topics you feel you can add to? Or just "yes, all that, and more"?
Frankly, I don't think there's a better teacher than practice.
My god, she sounds insufferable. Even if you are exaggerating (which I don't think you are), she does not sound like a very good person to have to deal with.
Been meaning to post here for a while, but kept forgetting to.
So good news, peeps. Tomorrow I'll be going on my FOURTH date with a girl I've been seeing after an incredibly long dry spell. This chick's a bit of a milestone for me because she happens to be the first Asian that I've ever dated. She's sweet, cute and if I may brag a big, quite buxom.
We're going to meet up for dinner and then have some playtime afterwards.
Congrats!
SpiritSlayer
Member
Yes to all that and more and then some.
Uh
Well
How do you have a typical conversation with a co-worker? Let's start there.
To get a baseline...what's a trip to the barber or hairstylist like for you? Do you just sit there in silence for 25 minutes?
This or "social introvert". I think psychologically the terms are good to know and keep in mind when interacting with people but "extroverted introvert" is clickbaity nonsense lol.
SpiritSlayer
Member
My conversations consist of "Hi" and then I'll go do my own thing.
If I have to yes. Unless I know you or you initiate the chances of me talking are close to non-existent. I really do want to talk more but I don't know how to initiate conversation and don't know what to talk about.
....
Have you tried asking people how their day is going? That's usually a good start in general politeness...
Also I decided to google "How the fuck do you talk to someone" and got this thread: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/..._the_fuck_do_you_make_small_talk_with/clyhkyp
I mean that's literally it.
I don't usually talk to my hairdresser tbh
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
If you can't manage more than "hi," are you really ready to date anyone? (The answer is no, by the way.) Work on yourself and work on friendships.
I get that she does some annoying things to others, but can you be more specific about the problems in your relationship with her?
thanks
Since we're on the topic of introvert/extrovert/ambivert (which isn't BS by the way), I highly recommend the book Quiet by Susan Cain. As someone who is an ambivert but tilts towards the introverted side, I would say that you are doing yourself a disservice by not reading it no matter who you are; I though the book was that good. Even if you are not introverted, there's a lot of amazing insightful information that can give a better understanding of how different people can be.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0307352153/?tag=neogaf0e-20
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0307352153/?tag=neogaf0e-20
I tried reading this book a few years ago but after the first few chapters I found it got a little bit too anecdotal for me. Kinda like Malcolm Gladwell but less interesting since they all basically amounted to 'introverts think differently, accommodate them'.
davidwhangchoi
Member
nice!
oh! and i'm only kidding about Korea. Everyone's #1! =)
i would just say "it's not you it's me" and leave it at that to tell you the truth... if she's condescending and thinks self righteously that she knows better than others, telling her anything is wrong with her is not really good idea if your goal is to end things well in one conversation.
say you don't think you're in the right place now, have commitment issues... you're flakey and have problems staying interested in a relationship... make it clear that you're not interested in going further and reassure her nothing is wrong with her but you got issues to deal with.
SpiritSlayer
Member
Can you elaborate on 'work on yourself'?
...does it matter?
I'm gonna assume he means your insecurities and confidence. Start sparking more conversations at work and with random people. Next time you're getting groceries, ask an employee how they're doing. Just a little small talk here and there will go a long way as far as helping you flow conversations better
ZackieChan
Member
Plus, it means doing things like going interesting places, doing cool things, hitting the gym, learning a new language, etc. The more interesting and well-rounded you are, the easier it is to have a small talk or non-small talk conversation with someone you've just met. You become a person that people want to talk to.
UnluckyKate
Member
New year on campus. I'm a teacher assistant.
Stumble upon a girl on parking. Help her retrieve her stuff. Cutie. Nerdy. Video game stuff full on her back pack. pink hair. Have a laugh. Chat a bit.
What are the chances.
She's one of my students this year. Fuck. Can't hit on one of my student. Ethics and shit.
I always asked myself if it's okay to date a student (this is uni, eveyrone is over 18) and I'm 26. It seems okay. Then there the ethics part. I can't date a student I have in my class, that's a no go for obvious reasons. But now I think I should just look for girl my age. I feel a bit creepy.
I'm not that old damn it.
Stumble upon a girl on parking. Help her retrieve her stuff. Cutie. Nerdy. Video game stuff full on her back pack. pink hair. Have a laugh. Chat a bit.
What are the chances.
She's one of my students this year. Fuck. Can't hit on one of my student. Ethics and shit.
I always asked myself if it's okay to date a student (this is uni, eveyrone is over 18) and I'm 26. It seems okay. Then there the ethics part. I can't date a student I have in my class, that's a no go for obvious reasons. But now I think I should just look for girl my age. I feel a bit creepy.
I'm not that old damn it.
davidwhangchoi
Member
i feel you man =|
Questions:
1) How old?
2) Are you relationally-OCD? Does it consume a lot of your time?
3) You are on your path regardless of her. Don't gauge her happiness, especially as a measure of your own.
4) Focus on you. You're great and deserve love.
I couldn't disagree more with this. Telling her all that bullshit just to spare her feelings? Have some self-respect, ffs.
Cheers for the advice guys.
I think I may just see what happens on the next couple of dates, then go from there. If I start to grow attached to her, I will speak to her, if I don't I'll just go with the flow until it eventually ends.
That said, how would I word it if I do?
"Where do you want things to go?"
I feel this whole thing is made more complicated since she was my first time and Im overreacting/overthinking things because of it.
Jawmuncher
Member
Initiating is what I would say for me. I always get stuck there since I don't have a valid reason to talk to anyone technically.
It's not really that big of a deal TBH (at least once she's not one of your students). I graduated later and it wasn't a big deal dating younger women. After dealing with a bunch of 18 and 19 year old broke and immature college dudes, a lot of college women prefer older guys. I would say to stay friendly with her and then ask her out after she is done with your class.
davidwhangchoi
Member
did you read my post correctly? it's not about her feelings. it's about getting out w/o drama =)
it's really for drama babies you can't reason with and think they know better:
here i'll try it on you:
"my bad you're totally right, you shouldn't spare her feelings! i shouldn't have posted that"
my girlfriend of just over a year is having to stop birth control due to some other medication she has started taking. other than a handful of casual encounters, i haven't used condoms on a regular, consistent basis since high school (i'm 29). selfish i know, but this is gonna suck: especially since we've been on the rocks recently.
Incendiary
Banned
I'm 31 and I was out with a few friends. We saw a bunch of girls celebrating a 21st birthday party and me and another friend joked about going over and hitting on them. My 22 year old female friend said deadpan "You have a steady job, a car, your own place and have your shit together compared to 21 year old guys. That's all you need to impress them."
And it's true. I matched with a 21 year old on Tinder and she was super into me almost immediately simply because I have a decent job and don't live with my parents. Of course it didn't go anywhere because she was also super immature and I felt uneasy about the whole thing considering how quickly she was into me. But yeah - college girls liking older guys is always gonna be a thing when college guys are idiots.
As for the ethical dilemma - yeah, definitely don't do anything while you're her TA. Be friendly but don't cross lines. Then if you're still feeling it when classes are over, go for it!
Female condoms? Spermicide? Birth control shots?
1. I'm 31
2. I am now, but maybe that's because she's moving on so quickly and talking about marriage.
I think I've just come to terms that I'm not in my 20's anymore, that I need to take dating more seriously
Thanks for the insight! I've tried weed in the past but I hate the taste of it and feeling high to me felt no different than feeling light headed from smoking hookah. I'm cool with it but only to a certain point.
The girl that you dated pretty much describes what this girl uses weed for since she said it helps her anxiety and to be in the present moment. I'll give her one more chance on Tuesday before deciding to move on. I would hate to be teased again so something casual would be fine since I don't see it going anywhere beyond that.
If you're only getting lightheaded, it's probably not quality smoke
But anyway, I would say to treat weed like alcohol when it comes to dating someone. Don't automatically dismiss and label someone as a "stoner" just because they smoke. There are many people who smoke regularly and in a responsible manner, it's basically the equivalent of having a couple of glasses of wine with dinner for a lot of people, a way to relax after a hard day.
Of course, there are degrees of usage. If someone wakes and bakes everyday and just sits around then, yeah, I can see not really wanting to pursue anything serious with them. The girl you have been talking to seems kinda spacy/flaky and then throwing weed on top of it probably doesn't help. But I would apply that to anyone that took anything to that extreme level: playing video games, shopping, watching TV, etc. It just gets boring after a while.
But anyway, I would say to treat weed like alcohol when it comes to dating someone. Don't automatically dismiss and label someone as a "stoner" just because they smoke. There are many people who smoke regularly and in a responsible manner, it's basically the equivalent of having a couple of glasses of wine with dinner for a lot of people, a way to relax after a hard day.
Of course, there are degrees of usage. If someone wakes and bakes everyday and just sits around then, yeah, I can see not really wanting to pursue anything serious with them. The girl you have been talking to seems kinda spacy/flaky and then throwing weed on top of it probably doesn't help. But I would apply that to anyone that took anything to that extreme level: playing video games, shopping, watching TV, etc. It just gets boring after a while.
Just looking for an outsider's perspective here.
Been seeing this girl for a month now. Met online, really hot, my kind of girl. Hit it off on the first date, went back to mine....ended up in bed. She visits mine for a film a few days later...we have sex again. Next date we had an amazing day out, nice meal and then watched a few films at mine. And had sex again. And then again another night.
So that's...four days of meeting up, getting on really really really well...and having amazing sex too. Next day she seems quite upset and confused when speaking online - says she feels everything has moved too fast, and she's worried I like her more than she likes me.
Weve met up twice since then for walks, a film and a meal out and we've got on just as well, and we've still been at the stage of holding hands, arms around and shit - but she's not happy to kiss again yet. We are still meeting up in the future - definitely next week more than once she says she wants
She did mention that she feels sad when she leaves me, but does not know why and does not know if it's good or bad. Which makes me wonder how she actually feels - it's hard to tell
Anyway hm. Would you guys say it's going well? We've both been out of a relationship for a long while - I went through a string of girls before being with my ex for eight years, and she's the first girl since that hasn't been a one night stand, and who I really do like.
Been seeing this girl for a month now. Met online, really hot, my kind of girl. Hit it off on the first date, went back to mine....ended up in bed. She visits mine for a film a few days later...we have sex again. Next date we had an amazing day out, nice meal and then watched a few films at mine. And had sex again. And then again another night.
So that's...four days of meeting up, getting on really really really well...and having amazing sex too. Next day she seems quite upset and confused when speaking online - says she feels everything has moved too fast, and she's worried I like her more than she likes me.
Weve met up twice since then for walks, a film and a meal out and we've got on just as well, and we've still been at the stage of holding hands, arms around and shit - but she's not happy to kiss again yet. We are still meeting up in the future - definitely next week more than once she says she wants
She did mention that she feels sad when she leaves me, but does not know why and does not know if it's good or bad. Which makes me wonder how she actually feels - it's hard to tell
Anyway hm. Would you guys say it's going well? We've both been out of a relationship for a long while - I went through a string of girls before being with my ex for eight years, and she's the first girl since that hasn't been a one night stand, and who I really do like.
DeathoftheEndless
Crashing this plane... with no survivors!
The "worried you like her more than she likes you", progressive lack of intimacy, and general wishy-washiness of her feelings would send off some warning bells for me. Its possible that she's having trouble moving on from an ex or something, but she also may just not be that into you. Honestly, I'd proceed going out and having fun as you have been. You'll eventually get a clearer picture of her feelings.
She's saying she wants to hang out with you and spend time with you so I think it's going fine at the moment. Things started fast and hot n heavy and now it's settling in so feelings and emotions are going to have to work themselves out and you'll both start seeing if you're compatible as partners.
I would try backing off a little. Let the anticipation build up a little before he next meeting. It will show you have a purpose other than to hang out with her everyday.
Gotdatmoney
Member
I dunno. I suggest you keep it going but see other people as well. Do other shit in general. It'll be clear soon enough if this is going anywhere with her.
Incendiary
Banned
Sounds like it's a case of slightly cold feet - it's clear she's into you on some level, but is probably worried about things going too fast. It could be related to previous relationships moving too fast and then ending badly. If you like her, I'd say allow her to slow it down but be careful it doesn't slow down too much. Going from sex every date to not kissing at all is going from 60 to about 2. If it doesn't ramp up again within a few more dates I would probably talk to her more in-depth as to why she wanted to slow it down.
Well, I matched with two pretty attractive women on CmB today. One a year younger than me and one 6 years older than me. Younger one is an insanely cute pharmacist and the older one an accountant.
All I can think about all of a sudden is how much I fucked up with the last girl I was seeing. Usually I would have a funny greeting typed up already. I have no idea what's wrong, but it's fucking me up.
I just feel terrible during this moving on process. And it's more about the mistakes I made with the last girl than anything. How do you guys cope with totally blowing it with a girl that was into you, and restarting the process of getting to know someone/small talk?
All I can think about all of a sudden is how much I fucked up with the last girl I was seeing. Usually I would have a funny greeting typed up already. I have no idea what's wrong, but it's fucking me up.
I just feel terrible during this moving on process. And it's more about the mistakes I made with the last girl than anything. How do you guys cope with totally blowing it with a girl that was into you, and restarting the process of getting to know someone/small talk?
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