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[Salamando]

What should I do from here? I don't what "activities" are around her area, and going right to her place seems a bit creepy. I really know nothing about women, let alone what would be considered a nice second date for an older woman. She also knows I'm going to back to NYC, though I told her I'd be back in Miami in June, which is true.

I guess I should also say that I'm not really looking for a serious relationship, and I doubt she is with me either, considering the age difference and the huge gap in career progress.

Help me GAF, you're my only hope

So she knows you're 23 and don't live locally? And she wants to see you again? Ignore activities, this is about sex, and both of you know it. Just arrange something near one of your places, and ask her if she wants to go back to your/her place during it.

Ask yourself, what relationship potential is there here? Would you really be out anything if she spurned your advances?

 

[Miles Quaritch]

I was using the local online dating app and not having much luck. Was chatting to a woman who didn't seem interested until I mentioned I was going to head away for Easter, to my parent's weekend house. It's at a very nice/popular location where I live. Then the usual questions pop up: do you have a boat, followed by do you have a job, what car do you have and finally, what school did you go to (I'm 33 BTW,but I know plenty of women who only date private schooled dudes).

I answered them truthfully and then she asked me on a date. She went from seemingly uninterested from my photos (which I only unlocked after she accepted my request) to asking me out.

I said I'll get back to her. I don't think she is attracted to me physically, but is this really a bad thing?

She wasn't interested until you brought up material things. Are you hoping to turn this into something where you use what you have/own to sex?

She's not interested in you as a person from the sounds of it, rather what you can do/offer her. Who asks someone if they own a boat and what car they drive during the initial conversation?

Come on my dude, you don't need this hassle in your life. Things might be tough with responses and maybe she's hot, but it's not going to end well.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

Okay GAF, need some assistance planning my next move.

While in Miami on vacation, I started a Bumble account, and it has been going well. On my second day, I was asked out to hang out at a lounge by a very attractive women.

I should note that I'm 23, however, I switched my age to 40 on my account, as I have no interest in girls my age and have a thing for older women. And yes, I did tell her I wasn't actually 40 before we met.

We had a great time. We laughed, danced, and made out quite a bit. I think I could've have gone further with her, but her friend who came with her kinda interrupted us to tell her she had to leave, as the girl I was with was her ride.

She kissed me goodbye, on the lips, and we both left the place. Later that night I texted that I had a great time and I'd like to meet again, to which she told me she felt the same. I guess that means she likes me too?

Now, it's here where I have no idea where to progress. It should be noted that this is the second time ever that I've been on a date, so I have no idea how to follow one up. I should also say I'm a virgin, just to give an idea of how inexperienced I am with all of this.

What should I do from here? I don't what "activities" are around her area, and going right to her place seems a bit creepy. I really know nothing about women, let alone what would be considered a nice second date for an older woman. She also knows I'm going to back to NYC, though I told her I'd be back in Miami in June, which is true.

I guess I should also say that I'm not really looking for a serious relationship, and I doubt she is with me either, considering the age difference and the huge gap in career progress.

Help me GAF, you're my only hope

She wants some rumpy pumpy. Stop overthinking, just play it cool and let things progress the next time you meet. Use the fact you're new to the area to your advantage. Let her take the lead, both in planning the date and whatever comes afterwards.

Just as a side note, maybe don't mention that you're a virgin. I know some women get off on taking virginity's, but some don't and someone who is just looking for some casual sex might see that level of inexperience as something to avoid.

 

[chicko1983]

She wasn't interested until you brought up material things. Are you hoping to turn this into something where you use what you have/own to sex?

She's not interested in you as a person from the sounds of it, rather what you can do/offer her. Who asks someone if they own a boat and what car they drive during the initial conversation?

Come on my dude, you don't need this hassle in your life. Things might be tough with responses and maybe she's hot, but it's not going to end well.

The boat question came after I told her I might be heading away and the location of which is a very popular place to water ski.

We chatted for an hour or so after this was brought up.

It kinda felt like she was happy to get to know me after she had sussed me out.

The shit thing is, she isn't hot herself. So it hasn't been a confidence boosting encounter, which is what I need.

Thanks for the advice had, I'm going to pass on her.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

The boat question came after I told her I might be heading away and the location of which is a very popular place to water ski.

We chatted for an hour or so after this was brought up.

It kinda felt like she was happy to get to know me after she had sussed me out.

The shit thing is, she isn't hot herself. So it hasn't been a confidence boosting encounter, which is what I need.

Thanks for the advice had, I'm going to pass on her.

If the conversation went from material things to about you and her showing some interest in you, then maybe it's worth a shot. Grab a coffee and see how things go? Just don't get attached until you have an idea of what she really wants.

I mean, you can't have talked about boats and cars for an hour. Did she make an effort to try and get to know you during that hour?

 

[Wvrs]

Oh boy, I hate it when life decisions are thrust into my hands. A few months back my first love came back into my life unexpectedly after I hadn't seen her for two years (I was in another relationship and she went travelling) and it's been almost surreal, we originally caught up over drinks and to my shock it was like no time had passed whatsoever, the chemistry is still there. Against our better judgement
we've been seeing each other regularly since and feelings have come back on both sides. For a bit of background, we first met when I was barely 18 and she was nearly 21: we had a instant connection and were together for over a year, but I'd only just started University whereas she was a soon-to-be graduate, and the age gap proved a bit too much back then.

Now I'm 21 and she's almost 24 (time passes scarily quick). Aside from those two years we've always been on and off, and I guess I always had this stupid fantasy that one day we'd end up together. But I'm graduating myself in a couple of months and have made concrete plans to move abroad and teach English as a Foreign language for a year or so; she's starting her masters diploma in September, so we're both kind of locked in to living in different countries until summer next year.

So its a very complicated situation. On the one hand the last couple of months have been so nice, any problems in our personalities that caused us trouble back when seem to have been ironed out by time and age, and she's honestly the only girl I've ever met with whom I could envision settling down. But obviously we can't get back together now, what with us living in different countries over the next year, and I don't really believe in long distance relationships. In my ideal world, we stay friendly/semi-casual while we're apart with an eye to get back together when circumstances permit, but life has a nasty way of pulling people apart against your best intentions.

So, I feel at a crossroads. On the one hand, I've got a girl who I've in the past been so deeply in love with wanting me back, and on the other I've got all these exciting plans for the next year that I'm determined to do -- I've spent the last year and a bit learning the language of the country I'm to every day, and I only stick at one thing for so long when it really matters to me. Am I overthinking things, and should I just let things unfold as they do? I've known her for nearly four years and so another year doesn't seem like much for us to get through, but there's always that risk that either she or I will meet someone else in that time...

 

[J_Viper]

Thank you all for the responses!

So the best thing course of action is to plan something near her area that could let to us going back to her place?

So a bar or something like that?

Thinking about texting her sometime tonight. We met Friday night, so that should be enough time in between to avoid seeming clingy? Because that's the last impression I'd want to give.

Also, I don't know if this is a relevant detail at all, but she told me she got divorced last year.

And a small question, does store bought "Extenze" work? My last two attempts at the sex have not gone well since my nerves kept me from "standing to attention". I'd like to avoid that this time if I get to that point.

Maybe try being fucking honest instead of fetishizing actual human beings. That said, she obviously knows you're younger: there's no one who's 23 who could pass for 40 without a fuckton of poor choices in their lives, like meth.

Let's be clear here: even if you don't understand what's going on, she clearly does. She's not looking for a serious relationship from you, and I'd be shocked if your "I'm 40, but I'm definitely not a virgin!" vibes weren't flashing red like traffic signals to her. Still, she liked what you were bringing.

This was a vacation fling. It's not going anywhere. Text her and ask her to show you around, considering it's her turf. And if she asks if you're 40, don't fucking lie. Just say that, obviously you look younger, but it was a way to expand your age range in the app.

That sounds right

But yeah, she did ask how old I was when we first met in person and I did tell her. She laughed about it, but didn't seem too put off by it.

So she knows you're 23 and don't live locally? And she wants to see you again? Ignore activities, this is about sex, and both of you know it. Just arrange something near one of your places, and ask her if she wants to go back to your/her place during it.

Ask yourself, what relationship potential is there here? Would you really be out anything if she spurned your advances?

Zero, even if I lived in Miami permanently. There's no way this could turn out to be anything serious.

She wants some rumpy pumpy. Stop overthinking, just play it cool and let things progress the next time you meet. Use the fact you're new to the area to your advantage. Let her take the lead, both in planning the date and whatever comes afterwards.

Just as a side note, maybe don't mention that you're a virgin. I know some women get off on taking virginity's, but some don't and someone who is just looking for some casual sex might see that level of inexperience as something to avoid.

Letting her take the lead is an option I'd prefer, I just not sure how to phrase that in a text that lead to her making the plans.

And yeah, no way will I tell her I'm a virgin. I just wrote that on my post so you all know how little I know about this type of thing.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

Hey, let's meet up for a drink and a bite to eat. Can you recommend a good place?

There are better ways to word it, but something along those lines should be fine.

Oh boy, I hate it when life decisions are thrust into my hands. A few months back my first love came back into my life unexpectedly after I hadn't seen her for two years (I was in another relationship and she went travelling) and it's been almost surreal, we originally caught up over drinks and to my shock it was like no time had passed whatsoever, the chemistry is still there. Against our better judgement
we've been seeing each other regularly since and feelings have come back on both sides. For a bit of background, we first met when I was barely 18 and she was nearly 21: we had a instant connection and were together for over a year, but I'd only just started University whereas she was a soon-to-be graduate, and the age gap proved a bit too much back then.

Now I'm 21 and she's almost 24 (time passes scarily quick). Aside from those two years we've always been on and off, and I guess I always had this stupid fantasy that one day we'd end up together. But I'm graduating myself in a couple of months and have made concrete plans to move abroad and teach English as a Foreign language for a year or so; she's starting her masters diploma in September, so we're both kind of locked in to living in different countries until summer next year.

So its a very complicated situation. On the one hand the last couple of months have been so nice, any problems in our personalities that caused us trouble back when seem to have been ironed out by time and age, and she's honestly the only girl I've ever met with whom I could envision settling down. But obviously we can't get back together now, what with us living in different countries over the next year, and I don't really believe in long distance relationships. In my ideal world, we stay friendly/semi-casual while we're apart with an eye to get back together when circumstances permit, but life has a nasty way of pulling people apart against your best intentions.

So, I feel at a crossroads. On the one hand, I've got a girl who I've in the past been so deeply in love with wanting me back, and on the other I've got all these exciting plans for the next year that I'm determined to do -- I've spent the last year and a bit learning the language of the country I'm to every day, and I only stick at one thing for so long when it really matters to me. Am I overthinking things, and should I just let things unfold as they do? I've known her for nearly four years and so another year doesn't seem like much for us to get through, but there's always that risk that either she or I will meet someone else in that time...

Don't change your plans, no matter what happens.

As for the rest, you're only 21. You're going to meet a lot of people who you connect with and you'll feel are the one. Did you only break up because of the age gap or was that one of many reasons?

 

[Count Dookkake]

You don't need to tell her that you're a virgin; she knows.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

You don't need to tell her that you're a virgin; she knows.

It's true. Remember that we lose our wizard powers when we have sex. And Detect Magic is a level 1 spell that all women have.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

It's a pheromone men give off, so make sure to really up the aftershave before you head out.

Hell, you should use it as your shower gel on that day and shower at least three times before you go out.

 

[Wvrs]

Don't change your plans, no matter what happens.

As for the rest, you're only 21. You're going to meet a lot of people who you connect with and you'll feel are the one. Did you only break up because of the age gap or was that one of many reasons?

I won't, if I stay here I'll just end up working full-time in a bar while I figure things out, and I'd rather figure my life out abroad doing a new job that will add some flavour to my resume. And I can't cope with the weather in England anymore, the winter just gone had me so depressed and the south of France will be the perfect scene change for me; I've wanted to move elsewhere for years, feeling trapped by University and now it's almost over, there's no way I'll limit myself again.

And yeah, logically I know that there's no such thing as 'the one' or a soulmate. I suppose it's just that I kind of sleepwalked through my last long term relationship (which was after the girl currently in question) and never really felt as strongly as I should have, and it's been an age since I went on a date where I felt there was any connection other than physical.

We didn't break up ostensibly because of the age gap, it's just the years between us made things difficult, I mean I'd only just left high school when we met and she was already a final year University student. I was somewhat immature in many ways, she wasn't appreciative of the fact that I was at a different stage in life to her, and just silly stuff that we laugh about now. 18-21 is a bigger gulf than 21-24, for sure. I think things have a good chance of working in the future, it just isn't the time for it currently.

Ahh, but we do need to cool things down right now and we both know it; sleeping and spending time together like we're a couple is doing no good now when I'm only in this country for three more months and we're on a path to heartbreak if we carry on like this. But it's difficult, it's just all too easy for us to slip into that mode when we hang out; equally, I don't think not seeing each other is an option I'd be happy with even if it probably is the most sensible one.

 

[gaiages]

There's a girl in a class I'm taking at the local community college that is really cute, but I figured not interested in me... she's a fair bit younger. Hobbies came up in class and she apparently plays videogames, so cool, intro topic. She says she's been playing Overwatch lately, and then gives me her number so we can trade Bnet ids later since she's in a hurry. I text her the next day and she says she can't come on for a few hours, but then she starts asking me about myself and we end up texting back and forth for an next hour or so until she gets home. Later we end up playing from like 11pm to 4:30am XD

Good signs. Not sure if it's anything yet, but I'm known to be oblivious.

Can't really tell if she likes you or not since all you really mentioned is that you both like games? Okay...

But the only way you're going to know is by asking her out.

 

[Xun]

Well things thankfully worked out this time and we're meeting up again tomorrow night.

I'm not sure what happened, but things in the bedroom just felt like a chore this time and I (admittedly) had performance issues.

I'll see her again at some point, but I'm not really sure how I feel anymore.

It never happened in the end.

I think I took too long to respond or she lost interest since she blocked me.

Oh well.

In other news I'm trying to arrange my schedule for next week since it looks like I have a date every night...

I really need to cut back since it's becoming pretty tiresome chatting to this many people! It also doesn't help I still continue to swipe on Tinder and Bumble as well, for whatever reason.

...what have I become?

I assumed she blocked me, but she messaged me yesterday apologising and telling me her phone was stolen.

I also at the same time got a few other girls message me apologising for taking so long to respond.

It honestly feels like I'm the one being chased now...

 

[always crazy bacon]

Don't change your awesome plans for something that may not work out, especially for someone prone to drama.

She was your first girlfriend those early emotions are much stronger than usual. Move on with your emotional and relationship development and stop anchoring yourself to the past that will hold you back when you meet other women in unfairly comparing them to your ex.

It didn't work out the first time and it wont work out the 2nd time because those issues will still be there. Get that Hollywood romance story out of your head that you met "the one" the first time.

Oh boy, I hate it when life decisions are thrust into my hands. A few months back my first love came back into my life unexpectedly after I hadn't seen her for two years (I was in another relationship and she went travelling) and it's been almost surreal, we originally caught up over drinks and to my shock it was like no time had passed whatsoever, the chemistry is still there. Against our better judgement
we've been seeing each other regularly since and feelings have come back on both sides. For a bit of background, we first met when I was barely 18 and she was nearly 21: we had a instant connection and were together for over a year, but I'd only just started University whereas she was a soon-to-be graduate, and the age gap proved a bit too much back then.

Now I'm 21 and she's almost 24 (time passes scarily quick). Aside from those two years we've always been on and off, and I guess I always had this stupid fantasy that one day we'd end up together. But I'm graduating myself in a couple of months and have made concrete plans to move abroad and teach English as a Foreign language for a year or so; she's starting her masters diploma in September, so we're both kind of locked in to living in different countries until summer next year.

So its a very complicated situation. On the one hand the last couple of months have been so nice, any problems in our personalities that caused us trouble back when seem to have been ironed out by time and age, and she's honestly the only girl I've ever met with whom I could envision settling down. But obviously we can't get back together now, what with us living in different countries over the next year, and I don't really believe in long distance relationships. In my ideal world, we stay friendly/semi-casual while we're apart with an eye to get back together when circumstances permit, but life has a nasty way of pulling people apart against your best intentions.

So, I feel at a crossroads. On the one hand, I've got a girl who I've in the past been so deeply in love with wanting me back, and on the other I've got all these exciting plans for the next year that I'm determined to do -- I've spent the last year and a bit learning the language of the country I'm to every day, and I only stick at one thing for so long when it really matters to me. Am I overthinking things, and should I just let things unfold as they do? I've known her for nearly four years and so another year doesn't seem like much for us to get through, but there's always that risk that either she or I will meet someone else in that time...

Follow the same advice we gave you last time you posted about her.

 

[chicko1983]

If the conversation went from material things to about you and her showing some interest in you, then maybe it's worth a shot. Grab a coffee and see how things go? Just don't get attached until you have an idea of what she really wants.

I mean, you can't have talked about boats and cars for an hour. Did she make an effort to try and get to know you during that hour?

Yeah she did change her tact shortly after I told her about my material worth. I'll see if she is online tonight and see if things are any different. Might as well catch up for coffee and see how it goes. I'll wear my shit clothes.

On another note, I just bombed out with my work crush. We had organised to go into work today (public holiday) to catch up on some work due this week. I had her all to myself but didn't act on asking her out for three hours. It was like watching that scene from Adaptation with Nick cage and the chick in the car (I just watched that the other day).

Man, my confidence is at an all time low.

 

[timetokill]

Can't really tell if she likes you or not since all you really mentioned is that you both like games? Okay...

But the only way you're going to know is by asking her out.

The game thing was more just the common interest I used to start talking to her that led to getting her number. I think I was just feeling good because she was asking me to tell her about myself and we had a good text chat sharing our educational goals and work goals, etc for . She's probably just being, you know, personable (or was bored in class), but in my experience most girls I just started talking to don't get into hour+ long text convos like that right away without some interest. Also I'm just trying to build up my confidence here

Anyway, I'll see how things go in our classes this week to get a better read on it, then go from there.

 

[MoFoJones99]

This past weekend, my friend's GF, who is just one of the most inconsiderate beings I have ever come across (I have red-flagged her ever since my friend and her begun dating), decides to set me up on a blind date with her best friend who she has known for 10+ years on a joint dinner-date with my friend and herself along with two other friends who are a couple, too. Never have I felt so fucking annoyed with an individual before as this girl whom she thinks is perfect for me has nothing, NOTHING in common with me and was nothing but a bore. The only thing that we shared was that we both went to varsity. That was it!

I was forced to listen to my friend's GF make up the most incredulous stories in order to convince me that her friend is the one I have been looking for all my life (She said I must 'broaden my horizon'). Like WTF?! I just could not take it, hey. One of the worst evenings I have had to endure. It definitely left me feeling in a bad spot about myself, too

 

[neurosisxeno]

This past weekend, my friend's GF, who is just one of the most inconsiderate beings I have ever come across (I have red-flagged her ever since my friend and her begun dating), decides to set me up on a blind date with her best friend who she has known for 10+ years on a joint dinner-date with my friend and herself along with two other friends who are a couple, too. Never have I felt so fucking annoyed with an individual before as this girl whom she thinks is perfect for me has nothing, NOTHING in common with me and was nothing but a bore. The only thing that we shared was that we both went to varsity. That was it!

I was forced to listen to my friend's GF make up the most incredulous stories in order to convince me that her friend is the one I have been looking for all my life (She said I must 'broaden my horizon'). Like WTF?! I just could not take it, hey. One of the worst evenings I have had to endure. It definitely left me feeling in a bad spot about myself, too

This may shock you, but 2 people can have different interests and still date/get to know each other. Yea, shared interests help, but it's not literally the determining factor. You're kind of proving her point since you sound like you were immediately dismissive of this girl because you didn't have a lot in common.

 

[ZackieChan]

I bet she wasn't even a gamer girl

 

[MoFoJones99]

This may shock you, but 2 people can have different interests and still date/get to know each other. Yea, shared interests help, but it's not literally the determining factor. You're kind of proving her point since you sound like you were immediately dismissive of this girl because you didn't have a lot in common.

I completely understand and maybe I was quick to reject a chance to get to know her better. It's just that my friend's GF is a pain-in-the-ass and made the evening quite uncomfortable for myself and her friend too through her actions and behaviour so I feel I had difficulty connecting with this girl. Sorry for sounding so picky, just needed to air out my feelings.

I bet she wasn't even a gamer girl

Ha! Yeah, she miserably failed the classic Konami Code test when I posed it to her :'').

 

[The Power Of Snap]

So i just turned 30 and while i never really got problems telling girls i'm still living with my parents, i feel it's about damn time i move out.

Many dates could have ended at my place and i feel it's now an handicap.

Girls will never tell it to my face but it's a dealbreaker for some for sure.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

I completely understand and maybe I was quick to reject a chance to get to know her better. It's just that my friend's GF is a pain-in-the-ass and made the evening quite uncomfortable for myself and her friend too through her actions and behaviour so I feel I had difficulty connecting with this girl. Sorry for sounding so picky, just needed to air out my feelings.

If you dont like your friend's gf why did you even agree to this? Don't tell me she forced you either.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

Blind dates seem so sad. I don't know, it's like the other person is thinking you're so sad and desperate that they'll take pity on you and try to hook you up because you obviously can't do it yourself.

And yeah, if you don't like your friends girlfriend, what made you think you'd like her friends? It's a rare thing that people have friends at aren't like them. People like to surround themselves with like minded individuals.

So i just turned 30 and while i never really got problems telling girls i'm still living with my parents, i feel it's about damn time i move out.

Many dates could have ended at my place and i feel it's now an handicap.

Girls will never tell it to my face but it's a dealbreaker for some for sure.

I'm sure it's a handicap, but at the same time you could have done a number of things to offset living at home. Gone to hotels, bed and breakfasts, etc.

Still, move out if you can I'm sure staying at home for as long as you have has allowed you to save a nice nest egg to help you get started.

 

[animax]

Okay GAF, need some assistance planning my next move....

Go to a bar, sit close to each other, have a few drinks and loosen up. Things should naturally ramp up. At some point (after a few drinks/hours) say something like "wanna go somewhere more private?"

Good signs. Not sure if it's anything yet, but I'm known to be oblivious.

Yep, signs are there by the sounds of it. Keep chatting a bit more and if it remains positive then suggest meeting up for a drink offline some time

This past weekend, my friend's GF, who is just one of the most inconsiderate beings I have ever come across (I have red-flagged her ever since my friend and her begun dating), decides to set me up on a blind date with her best friend ...

Sounds like she was trying to do something to help, not sure why you're so harsh on her. I guess you have deeper history than just this story. If you were insulted by the girl she suggested then go find one to your own liking!

So i just turned 30 and while i never really got problems telling girls i'm still living with my parents, i feel it's about damn time i move out.

Yes, you should. 20s and living with parents is fine, but 30s is red flag.

 

[LucidMomentum]

So a friend of mine has someone on Facebook messaging him to tell him his girlfriend is supposedly cheating on him. He's telling me the guy knows a lot of details and has photos, but I didn't ask if he's seen them or those sorts of personal details.

I basically told him unless they've had the exclusivity talk that she can date multiple people and maybe they need to talk about it and what cheating means to each of them so they can establish ground rules.

Good advice or nah?

 

[Miles Quaritch]

Seems solid enough.

Unless they've had the exclusivity talk, they aren't really exclusive. Some people just assume they are exclusive and then cry 'cheater' when the other person continues seeing other people.

It's why you have the talk.

 

[MoFoJones99]

If you dont like your friend's gf why did you even agree to this? Don't tell me she forced you either.

My friend invited me to dinner to which I said yes thinking it was a casual thing. Ended up being a cover up for the actual blind date.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

So a friend of mine has someone on Facebook messaging him to tell him his girlfriend is supposedly cheating on him. He's telling me the guy knows a lot of details and has photos, but I didn't ask if he's seen them or those sorts of personal details.

I basically told him unless they've had the exclusivity talk that she can date multiple people and maybe they need to talk about it and what cheating means to each of them so they can establish ground rules.

Good advice or nah?

I dunno. If the dude refers to this girl as his girlfriend it seems pretty cut and dry. If there is ambiguity then it isn't his girlfriend and this wouldnt even be an issue right?

My friend invited me to dinner to which I said yes thinking it was a casual thing. Ended up being a cover up for the actual blind date.

Your friend sucks. Don't blame his gf. He is your friend, he should not be going along with it, he should be the one to say "no fuck this, he wont like it".

 

[MoFoJones99]

Sounds like she was trying to do something to help, not sure why you're so harsh on her. I guess you have deeper history than just this story. If you were insulted by the girl she suggested then go find one to your own liking!

Yeah, I would not say deep but there is something she did once that proved to me that she is far from being an honest person. Think that's why I came off a bit dismissive of the girl she thought that was perfect for me. Thanks for the advice though

 

[MoFoJones99]

Your friend sucks. Don't blame his gf. He is your friend, he should not be going along with it, he should be the one to say "no fuck this, he wont like it".

Hmm... Myself and him have been good friends for over ten years so he I am thinking he would have done something to prevent this from happening but failed. Guy is head over heels over her though. Practically agrees to everything she says.

 

[Peltz]

My friend invited me to dinner to which I said yes thinking it was a casual thing. Ended up being a cover up for the actual blind date.

Lol... that's ridiculous. Your friend fucked up.

 

[SciencePilot]

Seems solid enough.

Unless they've had the exclusivity talk, they aren't really exclusive. Some people just assume they are exclusive and then cry 'cheater' when the other person continues seeing other people.

It's why you have the talk.

I don't know if I agree with that. To me, the terms "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" imply exclusivity by default, unless otherwise discussed. Obviously cultural norms vary, but that's my sense of it, and how I think most people around me would think too. This is my opinion as a Californian millennial, fwiw.

 

[Peltz]

I don't know if I agree with that. To me, the terms "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" imply exclusivity by default, unless otherwise discussed. Obviously cultural norms vary, but that's my sense of it, and how I think most people around me would think too. This is my opinion as a Californian millennial, fwiw.

It depends on the circumstances. In NYC, you would very rarely (or never) assume exclusivity with someone you've been dating without discussing things. It's just a cultural thing here. Everyone dates like crazy. In other parts of the world, I'm certain it's not at all like that

Having the conversation is never a bad thing.

 

[LucidMomentum]

I don't know if I agree with that. To me, the terms "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" imply exclusivity by default, unless otherwise discussed. Obviously cultural norms vary, but that's my sense of it, and how I think most people around me would think too. This is my opinion as a Californian millennial, fwiw.

That's the thing, he may see it that way but who knows if she sees it that way.

I'm not even gonna get into why someone is taking time out of their day to message someone she's dating just to get under their skin. That's some "nice guy" bullshit and I'm not gonna try to game theory that out.

But I figured it was a good chance to tell him that he should probably tell her about it and talk about exclusivity and ground rules if they haven't already.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

Hmm... Myself and him have been good friends for over ten years so he I am thinking he would have done something to prevent this from happening but failed.

That's just poor showing by your friend man. Sorry to say. If my ftiend is gonna actuvely do shit I do not want because his girlfriend said so that isn't gonna be my friend for very long.

Guy is head over heels over her though. Practically agrees to everything she says.

Don't direct anger toward her. Direct it towards him. He is your friend not her. He is suppose to look out for you. He is suppose to put his foot down and say no when it's something as stupid as a blind date. Direct your annoyance at the right person man.

 

[gaiages]

So a friend of mine has someone on Facebook messaging him to tell him his girlfriend is supposedly cheating on him. He's telling me the guy knows a lot of details and has photos, but I didn't ask if he's seen them or those sorts of personal details.

I basically told him unless they've had the exclusivity talk that she can date multiple people and maybe they need to talk about it and what cheating means to each of them so they can establish ground rules.

Good advice or nah?

I mean, how long have they been going out? If it's like a month, they yeah, exclusivity talk and all that, but I'd say after like 3 or 4 months it's kind of... you know, implied.

 

[Grease Bits]

So I'm in a rather incredibly shitty situation in my life right now and to top it off I just got my heart broken. I won't get into the details of it, but the breakup turned into such a hurtful shit show that well... there's really no going back and there were too many deep cuts to count. It stings more than I've felt before and I can't stop it from going through in my mind.

I'm currently unemployed (have been since I graduated in late 2016) and live with my parents. I've been trying non-stop to get a job and it's sucking my soul out of me.

I haven't been single in over 5 years and I'm at a loss what to do with my time. This relationship took the majority of my time and I'm afraid I've lost several friends because of it.

I guess I really need gafs help to suggest how to get over a relationship; because I'm at a real loss here and want to move on, but don't know how to get the thoughts racing through my mind to stop (videogames just aren't doing it).

Any suggestions? I'm lost.

 

[ionitron]

Have you thought about how you would feel/respond if it's a kink that you don't like or even repulses you? What if he's into rape fantasies, or transgirls, or pegging, or whatever, and it changes your perception of him. Or you start to feel inadequate during sex because you aren't "capable" of the kink he likes? Honestly, he probably has a good reason to not tell you, so I wouldn't push him on it anymore.

That's fine, he's explained that to me too, and I totally understand. We've talked about it recently. Thanks for the response! Frankly I came to Gaf because I'm super inexperienced with sex and whatnot myself so I dunno what all that's about.

So I'm in a rather incredibly shitty situation in my life right now and to top it off I just got my heart broken. I won't get into the details of it, but the breakup turned into such a hurtful shit show that well... there's really no going back and there were too many deep cuts to count. It stings more than I've felt before and I can't stop it from going through in my mind.

I'm currently unemployed (have been since I graduated in late 2016) and live with my parents. I've been trying non-stop to get a job and it's sucking my soul out of me.

I haven't been single in over 5 years and I'm at a loss what to do with my time. This relationship took the majority of my time and I'm afraid I've lost several friends because of it.

I guess I really need gafs help to suggest how to get over a relationship; because I'm at a real loss here and want to move on, but don't know how to get the thoughts racing through my mind to stop (videogames just aren't doing it).

Any suggestions? I'm lost.

I'm sorry, I haven't yet experienced a break up myself but if it were to happen, I think the thing to do would be to explore new things to do. Try to develop hobbies and find new things to like, and spend time on. A lot of people always suggest going to the Gym if you don't already, and I can tell you first hand that going to the gym, while painful, makes you feel better about yourself because you are taking literal steps to become healthier and stronger and boosts your self esteem, something that is quite low at the end of a relationship. Just give it time.

 

[Salamando]

So I'm in a rather incredibly shitty situation in my life right now and to top it off I just got my heart broken. I won't get into the details of it, but the breakup turned into such a hurtful shit show that well... there's really no going back and there were too many deep cuts to count. It stings more than I've felt before and I can't stop it from going through in my mind.

I'm currently unemployed (have been since I graduated in late 2016) and live with my parents. I've been trying non-stop to get a job and it's sucking my soul out of me.

I haven't been single in over 5 years and I'm at a loss what to do with my time. This relationship took the majority of my time and I'm afraid I've lost several friends because of it.

I guess I really need gafs help to suggest how to get over a relationship; because I'm at a real loss here and want to move on, but don't know how to get the thoughts racing through my mind to stop (videogames just aren't doing it).

Any suggestions? I'm lost.

We have one suggestion that we'll parrot until the universe meets its entropic heat death - hit the gym. Not because you're ugly or anything like that...you have a lot of time and energy and you need something to focus it on. It's hard to think about life when you're counting reps, maintaining proper form, and breathing properly.

 

[gaiages]

So I'm in a rather incredibly shitty situation in my life right now and to top it off I just got my heart broken. I won't get into the details of it, but the breakup turned into such a hurtful shit show that well... there's really no going back and there were too many deep cuts to count. It stings more than I've felt before and I can't stop it from going through in my mind.

I'm currently unemployed (have been since I graduated in late 2016) and live with my parents. I've been trying non-stop to get a job and it's sucking my soul out of me.

I haven't been single in over 5 years and I'm at a loss what to do with my time. This relationship took the majority of my time and I'm afraid I've lost several friends because of it.

I guess I really need gafs help to suggest how to get over a relationship; because I'm at a real loss here and want to move on, but don't know how to get the thoughts racing through my mind to stop (videogames just aren't doing it).

Any suggestions? I'm lost.

Hit the gym, find new/old hobbies to take joy in. Take some time to yourself--jumping asap into a new relationship won't help you as a person, despite the comfort it might bring.

I do recommend exercising a better social balance with your friends next time around though (if possible). Devoting all your time into a relationship can be taxing in its own right, we all still need to be individuals

 

[Gotdatmoney]

So I'm in a rather incredibly shitty situation in my life right now and to top it off I just got my heart broken. I won't get into the details of it, but the breakup turned into such a hurtful shit show that well... there's really no going back and there were too many deep cuts to count. It stings more than I've felt before and I can't stop it from going through in my mind.

I'm currently unemployed (have been since I graduated in late 2016) and live with my parents. I've been trying non-stop to get a job and it's sucking my soul out of me.

I haven't been single in over 5 years and I'm at a loss what to do with my time. This relationship took the majority of my time and I'm afraid I've lost several friends because of it.

I guess I really need gafs help to suggest how to get over a relationship; because I'm at a real loss here and want to move on, but don't know how to get the thoughts racing through my mind to stop (videogames just aren't doing it).

Any suggestions? I'm lost.

Lift heavy weights. Seriously.

Also is there some activity you always wanted to try but couldnt find the time to do? Right now, plan to do it. Do it this week if possible. No is the time to try new things and build yourself up bud. It's gonna take a while to get over a 5 year relationship but being busy and active with help.

 

[ZackieChan]

So I'm in a rather incredibly shitty situation in my life right now and to top it off I just got my heart broken. I won't get into the details of it, but the breakup turned into such a hurtful shit show that well... there's really no going back and there were too many deep cuts to count. It stings more than I've felt before and I can't stop it from going through in my mind.

I'm currently unemployed (have been since I graduated in late 2016) and live with my parents. I've been trying non-stop to get a job and it's sucking my soul out of me.

I haven't been single in over 5 years and I'm at a loss what to do with my time. This relationship took the majority of my time and I'm afraid I've lost several friends because of it.

I guess I really need gafs help to suggest how to get over a relationship; because I'm at a real loss here and want to move on, but don't know how to get the thoughts racing through my mind to stop (videogames just aren't doing it).

Any suggestions? I'm lost.

Does not compute.

Spend that time finding a job. Network in your field. Do freelance work. Start a business in your field. Write insightful stuff in your field that makes you seem like an expert and get noticed.

 

[Salamando]

This was a first...girl is super into the conversation, sent unprovoked nudes even, yet still went silent the moment I suggest a time and place for meeting up.

I know what you're thinking, "the time should've been now, and the place someone's bedroom". I proposed that, twice. If this was one of those games where she wanted me to push the issue until she relents, ain't nobody got time for that.

Spoiler

She was probably just looking for attention

.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

I don't know if I agree with that. To me, the terms "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" imply exclusivity by default, unless otherwise discussed. Obviously cultural norms vary, but that's my sense of it, and how I think most people around me would think too. This is my opinion as a Californian millennial, fwiw.

I feel now more than ever you need to have an actual conversation about exclusivity. Even if you've been 'dating' for three months, you still both need to do it just so you both have an idea of what's going on, if either person is still seeing other people, etc.

Assuming you're exclusive because you've together X amount of time is where things start to go wrong.

This was a first...girl is super into the conversation, sent unprovoked nudes even, yet still went silent the moment I suggest a time and place for meeting up.

I know what you're thinking, "the time should've been now, and the place someone's bedroom". I proposed that, twice. If this was one of those games where she wanted me to push the issue until she relents, ain't nobody got time for that.

Spoiler

She was probably just looking for attention

.

Nudes tho my dude. NUDES!!!!

Although sending nudes if she's just after attention is a weird one. Compliment fishing perhaps? Maybe she just wanted to send someone nudes for the hell of it. I mean, I can't remember any instances where someone who wanted attention sent nudes without at least first exhausting other attention seeking avenues and even then they were more suggestive pics rather than straight nudes.

 

[True Savior]

So i just turned 30 and while i never really got problems telling girls i'm still living with my parents, i feel it's about damn time i move out.

Many dates could have ended at my place and i feel it's now an handicap.

Girls will never tell it to my face but it's a dealbreaker for some for sure.

Be honest and go to a motel. If you don't behave like a serial killer they will invite you to their home though.

 

[FataIChoice]

Okay GAF, I didn't think I would ever come here for dating advice, but now I want to talk to someone.

I'm working FIFO and have been for most of my professional career and see it happening for some time still. I have only been on one date in the past two or three years and that was back in a city. There's a girl I like here, I don't know how the hell to ask her for a date within camp (limited stuff to do) or even whether dating someone from work would be a good idea, but with my future outlook continuing to be this sort of work I thought I should go ahead and ask her.

I have thought of a few things to invite her to do with me (one may involve me accidentally burning food), but I am still tossing back and forth on whether I should even try to get involved with anyone at my work to begin with. I read the bit in the OP, but I don't know if I should feel different with my workplace. FIFO workers can feel very isolated and I know my time here would be better with someone to spend it with.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

Okay GAF, I didn't think I would ever come here for dating advice, but now I want to talk to someone.

I'm working FIFO and have been for most of my professional career and see it happening for some time still. I have only been on one date in the past two or three years and that was back in a city. There's a girl I like here, I don't know how the hell to ask her for a date within camp (limited stuff to do) or even whether dating someone from work would be a good idea, but with my future outlook continuing to be this sort of work I thought I should go ahead and ask her.

I have thought of a few things to invite her to do with me (one may involve me accidentally burning food), but I am still tossing back and forth on whether I should even try to get involved with anyone at my work to begin with. I read the bit in the OP, but I don't know if I should feel different with my workplace. FIFO workers can feel very isolated and I know my time here would be better with someone to spend it with.

Everyone feels their work environment is different and won't be an issue. The fact that you're in a job where you're very isolated and could potentially end up in a situation where you spend lots of time with someone who isn't particularly happy to be around you doesn't sound very appealing and could damage your career.

Let's ignore that for a minute, do you know if she's single? Has she shown any interest that might make you think she'd be open to dating or having some fun?

 

[chicko1983]

Okay GAF, I didn't think I would ever come here for dating advice, but now I want to talk to someone.

I'm working FIFO and have been for most of my professional career and see it happening for some time still. I have only been on one date in the past two or three years and that was back in a city. There's a girl I like here, I don't know how the hell to ask her for a date within camp (limited stuff to do) or even whether dating someone from work would be a good idea, but with my future outlook continuing to be this sort of work I thought I should go ahead and ask her.

I have thought of a few things to invite her to do with me (one may involve me accidentally burning food), but I am still tossing back and forth on whether I should even try to get involved with anyone at my work to begin with. I read the bit in the OP, but I don't know if I should feel different with my workplace. FIFO workers can feel very isolated and I know my time here would be better with someone to spend it with.

I know a few fifo workers and have experienced people being mentally affected by the isolation. I would say that, at the very least you should hang out together as it will help your morale.

I also know two fifo workers who found love at camp, so I know it can be done.

Depending on the camp - hit the gym / go for a walk with her after work and then you can have dinner together in the mess. Also, find out what to shows she likes, if they are similar to yours then download some and if things are going well, and after you have hung out a few times, ask her around to watch some tv.

I agree that asking out someone from work is difficult (see my own problems in this thread) however, being at camp would be 10times more enjoyable if you were seeing someone there.

 

[Peltz]

So I'm in a rather incredibly shitty situation in my life right now and to top it off I just got my heart broken. I won't get into the details of it, but the breakup turned into such a hurtful shit show that well... there's really no going back and there were too many deep cuts to count. It stings more than I've felt before and I can't stop it from going through in my mind.

I'm currently unemployed (have been since I graduated in late 2016) and live with my parents. I've been trying non-stop to get a job and it's sucking my soul out of me.

I haven't been single in over 5 years and I'm at a loss what to do with my time. This relationship took the majority of my time and I'm afraid I've lost several friends because of it.

I guess I really need gafs help to suggest how to get over a relationship; because I'm at a real loss here and want to move on, but don't know how to get the thoughts racing through my mind to stop (videogames just aren't doing it).

Any suggestions? I'm lost.

Read a book called "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck" by Mark Manson. It's the perfect material for your situation right now.

Other people will tell you to workout (and you should, it will help). And just give it time.

But really, please do yourself a favor and read that book. It will completely fix you right up. I swear. Here's a link:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062457713/?tag=neogaf0e-20

And here's an excerpt from the book to get started:

https://markmanson.net/feedback-loop-from-hell

And here's a quote from that excerpt:

We feel bad about feeling bad. We feel guilty for feeling guilty. We get angry about getting angry. We get anxious about feeling anxious. What is wrong with me?

This is why not giving a fuck is so key. This is why it's going to save the world. And it's going to save it by accepting that the world is totally fucked and that's all right, because it's always been that way, and always will be.

By not giving a fuck that you feel bad, you short-circuit the Feedback Loop from Hell; you say to yourself, ”I feel like shit, but who gives a fuck?" And then, as if sprinkled by magic fuck-giving fairy dust, you stop hating yourself for feeling so bad.

Enjoy.