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Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already

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L

Leeness

Member
NotTheGuyYouKill said:
So I just checked it out.

He thinks this is gonna get him laid?

post-56368-dwight-schrute-no-gif-Imgur-Tu-CD5h.gif


Daffy, your friend is dumb. Sorry to say, but damn, you need to shake him back to reality. Is there something specific that's holding him back? Does he have severe anxiety or something?
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Yeah...don't use a "be comfortable with yourselves, ladies" site to try to sleep with women... kind of seems scummy.
 
N

NotTheGuyYouKill

Member
Leeness said:
Yeah...don't use a "be comfortable with yourselves, ladies" site to try to sleep with women... kind of seems scummy.
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It doesn't even make sense.

What the hell is he gonna do, go "Did you know that 65% of women will achieve a magnificent orgasm while edging" while he wiggles his eyebrows at a girl at Starbucks?
 
S

Salamando

Member
NotTheGuyYouKill said:
It doesn't even make sense.

What the hell is he gonna do, go "Did you know that 65% of women will achieve a magnificent orgasm while edging" while he wiggles his eyebrows at a girl at Starbucks?
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I *hope* he intends it to be a confidence booster. He has no practical experience and is trying to supplement it with Research.
 
C

Count Dookkake

Member
Salamando said:
There are some kinks that could only exist in fiction. A common enough one is the desire to one day wake up as the opposite gender and experience sex from another way. TLC's has enough programs that showcase the weirdness in people's libidos - one guy was really into ferris wheels. Not to downplay the excuse, because it is an excuse, but there could be merit to it.

Have you let him know how much it hurts you that his friends know and he refuses to tell you?
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Dude gets around.
 
O

Ogodei

Member
My money's on something hentai or mind control related for the secret kink. There's like a weirdness zone for kinks where something becomes optimally creepy: get *way* too far out there and you become a novelty (which is no longer something to be ashamed of, at least with someone you're really good with), whereas all sorts of stuff is now mainstream enough that an open-minded partner shouldn't reject it out of hand, but some stuff is still in the zone where its weird enough to be stigmatized but not so weird that it wraps around to acceptable again.
 
A

always crazy bacon

Banned
daffy said:
He's just really shy and possibly insecure about his age relative to his sexual inexperience.. Ultimately though he also has strict standards for women and refuses to see himself in a healthier light. An app that shows you pleasure points isn't going to change that.
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Strict standards? He's "that guy" right? I can see him attempting to attract the ladies by just mentioning he scored 10 out of 10 in the pleasuring test and getting mad when they still won't sleep with him. "YOU DONT KNOW WHAT YOU'RE MISSING!".
 
A

always crazy bacon

Banned
ionitron said:
I can't believe I'm asking this but I'm going for it, because I don't know who I'm going to talk about it with nor do I really want to have this discussion face-to-face with someone I know. I would assume that it belongs in this topic because I surely don't want to make a thread for it.

In any case, I've been dating a guy for a long time now (years+) and there's one thing he never wants to talk about, and its his fetishes. Is this normal? I ask him why not, and he says "Well, I feel like you wouldn't get it since you don't have one." and "It's totally fictional desire, not real."

What the hell? I dunno. What say you, gaf? Is it normal to not tell your partner about this? Yes, we're sexually active, so it kinda frustrates me more than anything but I don't have a reference for whether or not it's normal and I'm willing to let it go, but it just kinda makes me feel meh about not being able to do anything about it and also him hiding information about this, especially since he's told me that he's comfortable talking to his other friends about it but not me....?
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The fact that it's a curiosity to you and something everyone else has means you're not in the right mindset to even begin with. "Hiding information" is an interesting way too see how you think about this, it's a secret you want and it's not fair he won't share with you. It might not be something you're even capable of even if you did know. What if he was into mature women or women of different races? It's more than likely a threesome though.
 
D

daffy

Banned
NotTheGuyYouKill said:
What, too good for a happy ending? He thinks highly of himself indeed.

And yes, you can actually make this a thing. You would definitely have to clarify to the woman of the night what you are trying to do, and you'll have to pay well above market rate.

And you need to make a plan of attack, and find a reputable contractor.
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Hmm. I'll look into it! We're supposed to be meeting up with some other friends in a few weeks. I'll go over it with them.. sigh maybe we can pool our money together. I'm just really tired of hearing him complain about sex and being alone. He's funny and with some development i know he can be someone worth dating. I think it would lead to better things for him emotionally, but it could easily backfire.

NotTheGuyYouKill said:
Daffy, your friend is dumb. Sorry to say, but damn, you need to shake him back to reality. Is there something specific that's holding him back? Does he have severe anxiety or something?
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He has an over inflated sense of self worth. And he doesnt really pursue dates or anything with girls he's interested in. When I try to move the needle by talking to the girl he lashes out. I haven't really seen him one on one with another woman but he seems to hold his own when I'm around and apparently he talks to alot of girls on Snapchat.

always crazy bacon said:
Strict standards? He's "that guy" right? I can see him attempting to attract the ladies by just mentioning he scored 10 out of 10 in the pleasuring test and getting mad when they still won't sleep with him. "YOU DONT KNOW WHAT YOU'RE MISSING!".
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Yeah, basically. He has some super toxic thinking habits and thinks he should be with a certain type of girl. Those girls really aren't interested in him. He still lives at home and in his hometown. He's in alot of debt and takes care of his grandma so it's hard to convince him to move out. I would've checked him a long time ago but he's said some suicidial things in the past and I'm just scared i guess to REALLY "go there". Last time i told him he's on a bad path he said "that's REALLY not something i wanna hear right now" really ominously.. :(

Thanks for all the tips everyone. I ended up telling him to buy it if he thinks it'll help but also argued that expecting ANY type of reward for doing so is a bad idea. He admits that he has no experience so he's hoping learning about it will help him somehow. I'll likely never hear about it if he does use it.
 
N

NotTheGuyYouKill

Member
There was this girl in Seattle that my uncle wanted to introduce me to two months ago, but I was dating that other girl at the time, so I didn't go meet her.

I saw a picture of her though, she's cute af. I wonder if I should ask my uncle if he can still introduce me to her
 
A

always crazy bacon

Banned
NotTheGuyYouKill said:
There was this girl in Seattle that my uncle wanted to introduce me to two months ago, but I was dating that other girl at the time, so I didn't go meet her.

I saw a picture of her though, she's cute af. I wonder if I should ask my uncle if he can still introduce me to her
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Yes! It will solve many issues your having right now with your family and you might have a connection with her.
 
I

ionitron

Member
Salamando said:
There are some kinks that could only exist in fiction. A common enough one is the desire to one day wake up as the opposite gender and experience sex from another way. TLC's has enough programs that showcase the weirdness in people's libidos - one guy was really into ferris wheels. Not to downplay the excuse, because it is an excuse, but there could be merit to it.

Have you let him know how much it hurts you that his friends know and he refuses to tell you?
Click to expand...

Thanks for the insight. We have kinda talked about it, he just refuses to tell me. To be fair, we're open about almost everything else. I guess it just bothers me that he sees it as something I can't at all relate to, which I suppose is true, but it makes him feel bad about having a kink to begin with.

always crazy bacon said:
The fact that it's a curiosity to you and something everyone else has means you're not in the right mindset to even begin with. "Hiding information" is an interesting way too see how you think about this, it's a secret you want and it's not fair he won't share with you. It might not be something you're even capable of even if you did know. What if he was into mature women or women of different races? It's more than likely a threesome though.
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Yeah I definitely think it falls under the "something I'm not capable of" camp. Really I just want to know if it's something partners usually talk to each other about and I dunno, maybe it really is none of my business.
 
A

always crazy bacon

Banned
ionitron said:
Yeah I definitely think it falls under the "something I'm not capable of" camp. Really I just want to know if it's something partners usually talk to each other about and I dunno, maybe it really is none of my business.
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Sombody mentioned kink shaming just now. Ive had a bad reaction from a girlfriend for just a mild sexual request. You learn not to talk about everything and if your boyfriend had more relationship experience he would have learned to give "safe" answers to your probing and just admited a kink like a certain sexy underwear for example.
 
L

Leeness

Member
daffy said:
Thanks for all the tips everyone. I ended up telling him to buy it if he thinks it'll help but also argued that expecting ANY type of reward for doing so is a bad idea. He admits that he has no experience so he's hoping learning about it will help him somehow. I'll likely never hear about it if he does use it.
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I dunno, trying to use a site meant to empower women to try to get laid is pretty gross. :/
 
S

Scotch

Member
ionitron said:
Thanks for the insight. We have kinda talked about it, he just refuses to tell me. To be fair, we're open about almost everything else. I guess it just bothers me that he sees it as something I can't at all relate to, which I suppose is true, but it makes him feel bad about having a kink to begin with.

Yeah I definitely think it falls under the "something I'm not capable of" camp. Really I just want to know if it's something partners usually talk to each other about and I dunno, maybe it really is none of my business.
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Have you thought about how you would feel/respond if it's a kink that you don't like or even repulses you? What if he's into rape fantasies, or transgirls, or pegging, or whatever, and it changes your perception of him. Or you start to feel inadequate during sex because you aren't "capable" of the kink he likes? Honestly, he probably has a good reason to not tell you, so I wouldn't push him on it anymore.
 
K

Krauser Kat

Member
guys legitimately reading and enjoying feminist non fiction and becoming more engrossed into that world is just a positive. Using it explicitly to get laid is bad because using anything that way never really works. It has helped me though.
 
A

Advocatus Diaboli

Member
Krauser Kat said:
guys legitimately reading and enjoying feminist non fiction and becoming more engrossed into that world is just a positive. Using it explicitly to get laid is bad because using anything that way never really works. It has helped me though.
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Chicks dig my Margaret Atwood collection, consistent T-Swift repping, appreciation of shows like Jane the Virgin, and fawning over Ryan Gosling.
 
M

Miles Quaritch

Member
Salamando said:
There are some kinks that could only exist in fiction. A common enough one is the desire to one day wake up as the opposite gender and experience sex from another way. TLC's has enough programs that showcase the weirdness in people's libidos - one guy was really into ferris wheels. Not to downplay the excuse, because it is an excuse, but there could be merit to it.

Have you let him know how much it hurts you that his friends know and he refuses to tell you?
Click to expand...

I remember watching a show similar to that where a woman got off eating used nappies. This was a while ago though, so maybe I'm not remembering exactly what happened clearly...

Now everyone has their own fetish/kink, fair enough, but that shit was purely to get on TV and maybe other shows.
 
M

Messofanego

Banned
Someone call me? 😉
NotTheGuyYouKill said:
Okay, so my parents wanted me to meet this girl for marriage (Indian family, they want me to get married so bad). She's a family friend's granddaughter, newly arrived from India.

Now, I get cultural traditions, and if I meet the right girl, I don't mind making that decision quickly. But like here's the thing... I am not attracted to this girl at all. I realize I'm being superficial as fuck, but I just, I got nothing. And I feel bad, but I basically said no cause like I said, I'm not attracted to her at all, and we don't have a ton in common besides we both like horror films.

Anyways, my parents and granddad are seriously disappointed in me cause she said yes to marriage lol, and I said no, and they probably think I'm a superficial jerk right now. I'm not asking for advice or anything, just venting. I feel bad disappointing them, but I just can't say yes to someone (as nice as she is), that I'm just not attracted to. And it's not like I'm some Adonis or something, but I dunno, it's frustrating and weird.

Messofanego probably knows what I'm talking about.
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NotTheGuyYouKill said:
Oh, I can decide. It varies family to family. They're just mad that I didn't say yes because they don't get my reasons for saying no. It's like a blind date that involves meeting the family at the same time.

So I've been through this rigmarole a bunch of times. Some families are cool with the girl and guy dating a bit before deciding. Some prefer they just talk on the phone a while. I've been in situations where the family wanted a yes or no answer after a twenty minute talk (Jesus Christ that one was brutal).

I've told my parents I'd prefer to date and get to know someone before I marry them, and while they're fine with that, they don't get why I don't like the ones they pick out. They're more conservative than I am obvs.

In this case, I'm just not attracted to her, so I don't want to pursue it further. My parents would want an answer after a few weeks, and I'm not gonna drag it out.

Find me a cool girl that I have great chemistry with and I'll probably go for it. I made a profile on Shaadi.com (LOL) to make my mom happy and get her off my back.
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NotTheGuyYouKill said:
The girl is 27 :/
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Yeah, I can relate to that haha. You're gonna have to take a little heat for this but as you know, you won't be happy if you let your family decide your life for you. I have denied some girls' families offers even though on paper and status it all checks out for my family. You've got to put your foot down for this kind of stuff. Them wanting an early decision is all too common lol. Divorces are quite high in our communities because of these status-led marriages without love. At the end of the day, it's gonna be your relationship or marriage, not your parents. I'm guessing you're more interested in a girl who's lived in your country than a girl who just came over from India, right? Set down your own standards. Make yes/no decisions quicker to not lead others on. Your family will eventually accept them because they can't force this on you. Parents gotta find another hobby if they can't wait to get you hitched, you're not their hobby!

Shaadi dot com has gotten a lot better in terms of interface and you can get quite specific. Like if you put down your hobbies, it will tell you if you come across people who also like horror movies, comic books, and Person Of Interest :D But if you're not into that, don't let your mom get to you. She'll still love you even if you don't get hitched after how many years!
 
J

Jhoan

Member
Avixph said:
Yeah, any good ones for the NYC area?
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*Plugs Online-Dating thread* I've been using OKC, Coffee Meets Bagel, and Tinder (which I deleted until I head to Chicago next week to use it actively there). Out of the three, I've been using CMB actively lately. POF is also fine for the area but I've never used it. YMMV on all the apps though because you can expect to go on many, many first dates but barely second dates.
 
M

Miles Quaritch

Member
Count Dookkake said:
Eh, learning about how bodies work isn't gross.

That said, it's not going to help him get laid.
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You underestimate the allure of telling a woman that you'll tickle her earlobes with your tongue and run your hand down the inside of her arm while using your other hand to massage the gap between where her back ends and her tight, firm ass begins.
 
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