artsi
Member
I'm 28.
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Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already
- Thread starter gaiages
- Start date
- Status
I'm 28.
Jet/alt dating is the worst
Even though I've left the damn country I'm still the middle man for two good friends who have absolutely gone to shit with each other because of a fucked up relationship
electricshake
Member
Started dating November 2014, he started staying at my place almost every night from about March 2015 and officially moved in July 2015.
As I said before, first date went great: we talked about many things, felt a lot of chemistry and agreed to meet for a second date this Thursday.
While she told she didn't want to consider a relationship before having sex (which kind of put me off at first since I work the other way around), after talking it over with her I decided I would do it anyway - we feel really attracted to each other and it would be a waste not to act on it. She also explained why she wants things to happen in that order.
She did state having sex was not her end goal even if she really wanted to and her actions back up her claim (for instance, we ended up talking until 5am over the phone a couple of days ago), so I'm really up for it.
If things go well on Thursday we will probably go all the way this weekend.
While she told she didn't want to consider a relationship before having sex (which kind of put me off at first since I work the other way around), after talking it over with her I decided I would do it anyway - we feel really attracted to each other and it would be a waste not to act on it. She also explained why she wants things to happen in that order.
She did state having sex was not her end goal even if she really wanted to and her actions back up her claim (for instance, we ended up talking until 5am over the phone a couple of days ago), so I'm really up for it.
If things go well on Thursday we will probably go all the way this weekend.
You want to have a relationship with a girl without knowing if you are sexually compatible? Seems backwards. Listen to this girl.
We're unofficially official, I guess?
I said to her about making things official and she said she thought we kind of were, but was hesitant to put a label on it just yet.
She said she hasn't done anything/has no intention with anyone else, so I guess we're now exclusive at least?
She's probably also hesitant since she's going back to Romania for a month and wants to see where things go when she returns, which is understandable. She was also adamant she'll want alone time/space from time to time, which I said was pretty much required in any sort of relationship.
I guess I'll see where things go when she returns?
I fear I asked her too soon, but at the same time I was fed up not knowing what the boundaries were between us two and wanted clarification.
Yep, I realized this as we talked, but being a virgin I sometimes am a bit conscious about it. In the end, what I usually word as "a relationship" means "having a connection", but I kept wording it that way and at some point it got stuck, changing the way I approached relationships.
Good luck with your first time. 😇
So I called her and yeah, she's definitely way too invested at this point, but clearly I am at least a bit internally because I cried decently listening to her cry over it. Man. Dating sucks, just want to crawl into a hole and not talk to anyone, haha.
She kind of bargained and brought up all these kind of uncommon traits we have similar, it's true, and pushed it on me that it's up to me to break it off. I at least was able to articulate my hangups about things, how it's not really the wig thing at the front of it (apparently it's due to hair breakage and is healing, her profile pics were accurate), and how my cold feet might hurt her, but it's left a bit ambiguous. She wants to slow it down and go on a more low-key date but I feel like people here would call that a bad idea. Definitely can't ghost her at this point.
I knew dating someone this fresh would get thorny... and then hiding the wig thing just makes it even weirder a dynamic.
While I definitely think she's too over-invested and whatnot, I can understand hiding the wig thing. It's quite the social stigma for a woman to not have hair on her head (but she needs to be clean shaven everywhere else, thanks beauty society for making shit difficult), so I'm not really surprised if she doesn't make it known to everyone ever that she's wearing a wig as it doesn't bring about a good reaction. I've seen plenty of women make fun of other women that had to wear wigs because of chemo making them go bald before. I mean shit, if people can't have empathy for someone with fucking CANCER not meeting some dumbass standards just imagine a woman without cancer having no head hair.
Society isn't even nice to men without hair
PancakeBurglar
Member
Don't stress out too much over sex once you do it you'll realize it's not as big a deal as people often make it out to be. Just go in and have fun, also do some sex research beforehand it might give you some extra confidence and you may learn a new move or two.Thank you!
(I know, I know, but she knows as well and we have been really forward with the whole deal)
While I definitely think she's too over-invested and whatnot, I can understand hiding the wig thing. It's quite the social stigma for a woman to not have hair on her head (but she needs to be clean shaven everywhere else, thanks beauty society for making shit difficult), so I'm not really surprised if she doesn't make it known to everyone ever that she's wearing a wig as it doesn't bring about a good reaction. I've seen plenty of women make fun of other women that had to wear wigs because of chemo making them go bald before. I mean shit, if people can't have empathy for someone with fucking CANCER not meeting some dumbass standards just imagine a woman without cancer having no head hair.
Society isn't even nice to men without hair
I can understand not putting it in a dating profile but I feel like it could be mentionable on the first date especially when it's not a serious thing like cancer? When things are going well and can be brought up semi-casually. Way more revelatory to text me a pic after a legit date but while I'm also questioning other things about the "relationship", just turns it all into a sitcom-like mess.
Shouldn't be so emotional at this point, I just want to ignore it all already and it doesn't feel like a smooth start to something. Hate killing her self esteem about this, I want her to be confident a guy was interested at all going by the stories she's told me, but she's obviously not focused on that sort of positive spin right now.
Was wondering wether to do some research or not, in case I found a dud and took it to heart.
I hope I manage to filter out the shitty advice!
Mr Solo Dolo
Member
Just remember, "it's lower than you think"
Megalosaro
Banned
My suggestion, I'd you are going to go missionary, put a pillow under their butt for more easy access.
PancakeBurglar
Member
Make sure she is as wet as a rainforest during monsoon season before you stick it in too. Fore play before sex is often pretty important to many women so make sure you don't neglect it.
My GF and I have been together 3 years. She moved in at 6 months. Lived together for 2.5 years.
Heh, started dating my GF September 2014 and she moved in March 2015.
[KoRp]Jazzman
Member
Started dating November of 2013, did long distance for just over a year (she moved in March of 2015), bought our first house April 2016 and just got married this July.
Haha this is actually great advice.
LordKasual
Banned
You're attracted to her interest in you. Not her.
Don't bother. One day you'll probably get tired of ignoring your lack of physical attraction, and it's just going to cause more damage to her than otherwise when you break it off.
I mean, you could just work past it, and enjoy a wonderful relationship. But you should probably just be honest with yourself
DO IT
just don't get hooked on it
I used to think I was able to do this, until the opportunity came and I realized that I really don't get off on causing pain. It's harder than it seems, depending on her disposition, she's probably going to feel how timid you are.
After one experience like this, I probably would give her a heads up and let her know that you've never really been with a chick who enjoys taking damage while having sex.
Meh, if your looking for an intimate experience I wouldn't. She might not want to kiss you afterwards. Also be careful with heavy makeup (if she wears alot), that stuff can stink up your breath if your kissing her face....
So the girl I've been talking with is still down for coffee, we're planning on meeting Wednesday. She's starting graduate school next week so I hope this isn't a one time thing. Time will tell.
Megalosaro
Banned
Yeaaaah. My girl is the same way. Once I go down, I can't come back up.
Spoiled Milk
Banned
But every girl you've ever been with gave you a blowjob the first time, right
Nope, Ive tended to find that the first time with most new partners is just pure hormones and excitement and a feeling of "lets get it in as quickly as possible". Again, different experiences for everyone. But for me, usually more significant foreplay and oral (both ways) tends to come after that first frantic time.
First time I had sex with my girlfriend was after like 7 dates. There was enough pent up sexual tension there that by the time we got back to my place it was a blur from just making out on the couch to her laying on my bed with no underwear on and us having sex.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
You all are weird. Or have weird girlfriends. Going down on a girl is my goddamned favorite thing, and if she does it to me, I'll happily return the favor. Then we'll make out before, during, and after.
Etrian Oddity
Member
This is such an amazingly and disappointingly prudish attitude for one to have.
Megalosaro
Banned
Mine too. The best. Literally the vest thing in the world. I could be down there all day.
Gotta do it guys. I consider it selfish to not go down on women. Thankfully I enjoy it. I do it every time, with only one or two exceptions. It shocks me when girls tell me that most guys don't do it, even ex boyfriends. Obviously if the girl is not into it or tells you not to, then don't.
I'd recommend reading She Comes First by Dr. Ian Kerner. Not only does it provide tips on how to do it well, it might help you reset your mindset about oral sex. The book tries to get people away from the view that oral sex is something in addition to sex, but rather is a fundamental part of sex. It's coreplay instead of foreplay.
If girls don't like being kissed after you go down, step out for 30 seconds and wash your mouth.
I'd recommend reading She Comes First by Dr. Ian Kerner. Not only does it provide tips on how to do it well, it might help you reset your mindset about oral sex. The book tries to get people away from the view that oral sex is something in addition to sex, but rather is a fundamental part of sex. It's coreplay instead of foreplay.
If girls don't like being kissed after you go down, step out for 30 seconds and wash your mouth.
PancakeBurglar
Member
This! Love oral both receiving and giving. Also a proud booty eater too lol but thats not for everyone.
See below.
This is the problem with the "you gotta do it" mentality. Not every girl likes or wants it. My GF is like Gaiages. For her its because shes self-conscious about the smell (which is as clean and as fresh as I've ever experienced), and no amount of my reassuring her there is no smell will change that for her. She says that all can focus on when someone is down there is that, rather than deriving pleasure from it. Shes the first partner Ive had that feels that way, but I have to respect that. As a result I never give her oral, and not because I'm selfish or lazy.
Not all women like oral. A couple of my partners 100% didn't like it.
Hence people just need to talk and communicate with their partners about what they want and don't want, it's super easy
I've known a fair amount of women who are either worried about the scent or they just don't enjoy it and only allow it for the pleasure of their partner. And occasionally some have just had a really bad experience with it. A long time ago I would have thought that all women like to receive oral and as I got older it felt like it wasn't the case at all. Given some responses here, maybe its even relatively common for a woman to not to care for it/want it.
Yep to everything here. If a girl said I can't kiss her after I lick her pussy I'll assume I shouldn't be licking her pussy myself. Best part of sex is all the different fluids mixing in various ways.
I've been with a bunch of girls and only maybe 2 I can think of that didn't like oral.
To the dude that said the first time you hook up with a girl you just jam it in right away because you are so excited... surprised you ever make it to a second time. I guess you really know how to use your dick so it gets you some leeway.
Also y'all need some culture.
https://youtu.be/RvnRBcDn79Q
https://youtu.be/1LLWVqUZvT0
LookAtMeGo
Member
No oral no buy.
You're kind of extrapolating stuff from my post that isn't there. I'm not just jamming it in cold and raw and dry. You can get a woman wet without oral, yanno? God gave you hands for a reason. My GF doesn't like to receive oral so my fingers give her clitoris the attention instead of my mouth.
I'd consider fingering part of foreplay as well, which you said you skip on the first go round. I guess that's my mistake ☝🏽
Earthbound64
Banned
Great, am I going to have to start including "I don't do oral sex" on dating profiles or something?
I've been out of the dating game for way too long (17 years basically).
P.S. I'm perfectly fine never having oral done on me either.
P.P.S. And anything anal is absolutely not happening.
P.P.P.S. Don't tell me I have to include all that on a dating profile...
I've been out of the dating game for way too long (17 years basically).
P.S. I'm perfectly fine never having oral done on me either.
P.P.S. And anything anal is absolutely not happening.
P.P.P.S. Don't tell me I have to include all that on a dating profile...
Yep it's a must to include on your profile. Actually most people don't even include anything else these days. Times have changed.
For real though do whatever you want sexually.
sounds so boring though
Earthbound64
Banned
Well, I mean, are people these days just assuming all those things are going to happen unless stated otherwise or something?
Has anyone dealt with a partner who's allergic to your pets?
I have a third date coming up with this amazing woman. We're compatible in major ways, different enough to excite each other, and the chemistry/interest is explosively mutual. Sex will happen soon enough. It poses some issues...
- I have a cat, she's allergic to cats.
- She lives with her parents. Her place = not an option.
- She does have allergy meds that help, but don't eliminate the symptoms. She specifically mentioned a friend whose house was too much for her that she had to get a hotel, despite taking her meds.
- I am not getting rid of the cat.
- My cat is a lovebug. She gets to know you, she'll rub all up against you.
- Small-ass apartment, no keeping the cat out of the bedroom.
- I'm too cheap for a hotel and too tall for a backseat.
I have a third date coming up with this amazing woman. We're compatible in major ways, different enough to excite each other, and the chemistry/interest is explosively mutual. Sex will happen soon enough. It poses some issues...
- I have a cat, she's allergic to cats.
- She lives with her parents. Her place = not an option.
- She does have allergy meds that help, but don't eliminate the symptoms. She specifically mentioned a friend whose house was too much for her that she had to get a hotel, despite taking her meds.
- I am not getting rid of the cat.
- My cat is a lovebug. She gets to know you, she'll rub all up against you.
- Small-ass apartment, no keeping the cat out of the bedroom.
- I'm too cheap for a hotel and too tall for a backseat.
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