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[Peltz]

Her and I are 23 and 24, respectively. I'd expect this from a girl I was dating who was like, 18 or 19, but this is absurd.


True. I don't wanna come across as someone whose desperate to have sex though, or petty about lacking it. At the same time, I don't wanna appear meek or timid. It's a double edged sword.

If sex is important to you and she is too timid to go on a trip with you because of what her parents think, then you may be in different stages of your life.

If you're willing to be with her despite that, then all power to you. Continue dating. Sex and traveling really ain't everything. If it's only one aspect of a deeper connection, then just let it go and don't ask her to travel with you.

But if you're with her in the hopes that you can turn this aspect of your relationship around, then maybe it would be better to move on. There are tons of girls who will travel with you and won't care what their parents think. It's all about finding someone who shares the same views on what you deem to be important and lives her life according to compatible values.

Yes it is for sure. It's been four months though, you're not being desperate at all.

It's all relative. I lost my virginity at 19. When I was 26 though, I dated a 23 year old virgin and didn't care about the lack of sex at the time because she was a great person who was fun to be around. I'd had plenty of sex by that point, so the lack of sex didn't feel like a big deal in the grand scheme of things.

 

[petertheb]

Her and I are 23 and 24, respectively. I'd expect this from a girl I was dating who was like, 18 or 19, but this is absurd.


True. I don't wanna come across as someone whose desperate to have sex though, or petty about lacking it. At the same time, I don't wanna appear meek or timid. It's a double edged sword.

Brother, you've waited more than a man should. Wanting sex is not desperate. A woman who is attracted to you will want to have sex with you and will find a WAY to do it and not an EXCUSE why she can't.

Find someone who is attracted to you , doesn't need parent permission at 24, and who has a healthy sex drive . You're a young guy don't do this to yourself.

 

[MegaManTrigger]

True. I don't wanna come across as someone whose desperate to have sex though, or petty about lacking it. At the same time, I don't wanna appear meek or timid. It's a double edged sword.

You could just ask what her views are on sex (while simultaneously mentioning your own). It won't come off as desperation (unless you guys are just meeting for the first few times?), it's more of seeing if both of you are compatible and share the same views. Trust me, you'll be much more frustrated if you play the guessing/hinting game.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

Her and I are 23 and 24, respectively. I'd expect this from a girl I was dating who was like, 18 or 19, but this is absurd.


True. I don't wanna come across as someone whose desperate to have sex though, or petty about lacking it. At the same time, I don't wanna appear meek or timid. It's a double edged sword.

You've been dating someone for 4 months and you haven't done more than kiss. That's not normal. I'm not saying to cut bait and run by any stretch of the imagination, but none of this bodes well for eventually having a healthy sex life. And her parents having control over her sexual agency at age 23 is fucking bizarre.

(She probably needs therapy.)

I think you need to have a talk with her about things as far as mutual expectations. If she's a starfish-missionary only-only to make babies (after marriage!) then you deserve to know that sooner rather than later. If it's, I want to wait until we're more comfortable, that's another thing entirely.

Don't write off a good thing, but man, get the operative facts.

 

[Stopdoor]

So I broke it off completely with the girl I've been dating. I met her because she wanted "closure" and it wasn't too bad at first, I thought she was taking it pretty smoothly, but I think that sort of positivity got her too confident and she thought I was giving signals we'd keep it going so when I finally backed out for sure she got really chilly. Awkward. I don't feel too bad about it on my end except for the fact that she probably feels really awful now. Claiming she was "fine" and all that when you could tell she wasn't fine. Eugh. I should've pushed back earlier in dates if I was so wishy-washy.

Probably gonna take a break from dating, for like a month. Felt almost like a legit break up which is kind of a mess after 4 dates.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

So I broke it off completely with the girl I've been dating. I met her because she wanted "closure" and it wasn't too bad at first, I thought she was taking it pretty smoothly, but I think that sort of positivity got her too confident and she thought I was giving signals we'd keep it going so when I finally backed out for sure she got really chilly. Awkward. I don't feel too bad about it on my end except for the fact that she probably feels really awful now. Claiming she was "fine" and all that when you could tell she wasn't fine. Eugh. I should've pushed back earlier in dates if I was so wishy-washy.

Probably gonna take a break from dating, for like a month. Felt almost like a legit break up which is kind of a mess after 4 dates.

You don't own her feelings. You're not responsible for them. Take a break if you want, but there's no reason to throw in the towel after 4 dates that were, as you said, wishy-washy. To be perfectly honest, after 4 dates, you're barely more than acquaintances.

You did what you should.

Hell, I just had a conversation where I told a girl that I'm not trying to start something serious because I might be leaving. I've been blunt about telling her I could be gone for a couple months. The discussion was hard to have; it was awkward. But it was the right thing to do. (Maybe this kind of talk will get easier in time?)

 

[MegaManTrigger]

So I broke it off completely with the girl I've been dating. I met her because she wanted "closure" and it wasn't too bad at first, I thought she was taking it pretty smoothly, but I think that sort of positivity got her too confident and she thought I was giving signals we'd keep it going so when I finally backed out for sure she got really chilly. Awkward. I don't feel too bad about it on my end except for the fact that she probably feels really awful now. Claiming she was "fine" and all that when you could tell she wasn't fine. Eugh. I should've pushed back earlier in dates if I was so wishy-washy.

Probably gonna take a break from dating, for like a month. Felt almost like a legit break up which is kind of a mess after 4 dates.

Wanting to meet because of closure is a red flag IMO bc you never know how the other person is going to interpret it unless you or they literally spell it out, whether it's a second chance or actually wanting to move on, and judging by how you described it, seems like the girl expected the former as opposed to the latter. It sucks but you have to be definitive with yourself, even if it means it seems harsh and awkward.

 

[Xun]

Yeah i had that issue before because i didn't know were i stood. Big mistake.

Never ask a girl to be official. SHE needs to ask it. It needs to come from her.

Now the only thing you need to do is give her space. Don't call or text until she does.

Date other girls too.

Even if she doesn't want to put a label on it yet, it sounds like she wants to be exclusive though?

 

[Go_Ly_Dow]

If my past experiences have taught me anything it's to wait at least a year or two before moving in, preferably two years. You can patch alot of holes in yourself or even in the relationship by living together and always seeing eachother, but eventually those holes widen and it all falls apart. Give yourself at least two years to date them and really experience the good parts of life with them before moving in together. This will also allow you to really know whether or not you want to be with them, as there will be nothing holding you back from ending things should they not sit right with you

One month. We've been together 3 years now.

I got a couple of dates lined up for this week, one is 8 years older than me and other is 11 years older than me.



With my first GF (together for 5 years) it was around 1 year
With my second (together for 4 years) a few months.

Started dating November 2014, he started staying at my place almost every night from about March 2015 and officially moved in July 2015.

My GF and I have been together 3 years. She moved in at 6 months. Lived together for 2.5 years.

Started dating November of 2013, did long distance for just over a year (she moved in March of 2015), bought our first house April 2016 and just got married this July.

Thanks for all the input. As expected, I can see it varies quite a lot then.

Me and my GF have known each other for over a year and have been officially a couple for just going on 7 months. We're considering if we should move into together as both our places are small and a bigger place would be great and it's something we want. We live about a 1min walk apart from each other and we haven't got sick of each other yet which is a good sign haha. We usually see each other 4-5 times a week and sometimes more. So there are signs it can work. It's a big step for both of us though as she has always maintained long distance relationships with her partners and is younger than me (24 in September) and apart from a few dates in the past, she's my first real girlfriend (I'm 27).

So it's unknown territory for both of us, hence why I asked.

 

[dreamcastmaster]

You never truely know someone until you live with them. Thats a common phrase. Get it over with and move in. Just keep your finances seperate.

 

[TeddyBoy]

The date yesterday went really well GAF and we've planned a second for next Monday doing bowling at the Trafford centre

Quick question though, the week after is my birthday with quite a few of my mates and my sister coming over to have a night out. Now she doesn't know any of my mates so it could be a little awkward for her being suddenly thrown in the deep end with my mates (not all my mates attending will know each other so it's not like she'd be the only person who didn't know everyone or anything).

I also have a second issue of, by her being there, would I introduce her as my girlfriend after only a two dates and three weeks or go with the 'just another friend' card? (This card will almost immediately collapse if we start making out half way through the night).

Alternatively I've thought about being open with her about this slight problem and thought about suggesting we instead do something together separately? (I'd let her pick what she wants to do).

Opinions GAF?

 

[Tom Nook Sawyer]

Introduce her by her name; your friends will figure out the rest

 

[Prime crotch]

The date yesterday went really well GAF and we've planned a second for next Monday doing bowling at the Trafford centre

Quick question though, the week after is my birthday with quite a few of my mates and my sister coming over to have a night out. Now she doesn't know any of my mates so it could be a little awkward for her being suddenly thrown in the deep end with my mates (not all my mates attending will know each other so it's not like she'd be the only person who didn't know everyone or anything).

I also have a second issue of, by her being there, would I introduce her as my girlfriend after only a two dates and three weeks or go with the 'just another friend' card? (This card will almost immediately collapse if we start making out half way through the night).

Alternatively I've thought about being open with her about this slight problem and thought about suggesting we instead do something together separately? (I'd let her pick what she wants to do).

Opinions GAF?

Most people will assume you guys are kinda together even if you say it's just a friend. Just say "hey this is herName" and let it play out

 

[Jintor]

Date went good. Another date queued up with her. A tad drunk which is the only reason I let myself call her cute which she liked. Need to work on being more... Physical? Or direct?

Not a bad night

 

[TeddyBoy]

Introduce her by her name; your friends will figure out the rest

Most people will assume you guys are kinda together even if you say it's just a friend. Just say "hey this is herName" and let it play out

Cheers guys

 

[Stopdoor]

Wanting to meet because of closure is a red flag IMO bc you never know how the other person is going to interpret it unless you or they literally spell it out, whether it's a second chance or actually wanting to move on, and judging by how you described it, seems like the girl expected the former as opposed to the latter. It sucks but you have to be definitive with yourself, even if it means it seems harsh and awkward.

Yeah, I knew it would probably be a bad idea but I wanted to play along if it might help satisfy her. I think it was still better than leaving it at a weeping phone call tbh, as awkward as it was. I'm lucky it didn't devolve into more of a mess in public.

Anyway, emotionally draining. I think a break's a good idea for my own sake, or else I'll be stupid and talking about rebounding from this in future dates because I'm way too transparent.

 

[Solo]

Thanks for all the input. As expected, I can see it varies quite a lot then.

Me and my GF have known each other for over a year and have been officially a couple for just going on 7 months. We're considering if we should move into together as both our places are small and a bigger place would be great and it's something we want. We live about a 1min walk apart from each other and we haven't got sick of each other yet which is a good sign haha. We usually see each other 4-5 times a week and sometimes more. So there are signs it can work. It's a big step for both of us though as she has always maintained long distance relationships with her partners and is younger than me (24 in September) and apart from a few dates in the past, she's my first real girlfriend (I'm 27).

So it's unknown territory for both of us, hence why I asked.

As was said above, moving in with your partner is the only way to really know if it's going to work long term. You learn a LOT about your partner AND yourself when you live with them. When you're earlier on dating and living apart, seeing eachother 3-5 times a week, that's like a greatest hits package for both of you - you're basically only seeing eachother at the top of your game. When you live together, you're going to see eachother in every single messy situation of life. Had a big fight? Too bad, you still live together so you can't disappear for a day to cool down! Hate her inlaws? Too bad, they are coming over to stay for a week! Hate her mangy little dog? Too bad, he's you're dog now!

I know that makes it sound awful, but it really isn't. But it WILL change your relationship in countless ways. It takes the mystery out of both of you, so you'd better have a really solid base to build off of. And just remember, everyone poops.

My girlfriend and I have had 3 living scenarios:
- the first 6 months I lived in my own place and she lived with 2 other girls. In this scenario, we both lived apart and were honeymooning hard, so it was heaven every time we managed to get together, usually 3-5 times a week. I didn't even think she pooped at this time. She was just this sexy angel who descemded upon me several times a week.
- between 6 months and 2 years she lived with me in my condo. My condo was quite large and spacious, had 2 bathrooms, and was quite comfortable. During this time we really got to know eachother's quirks (and trust me, you both have a ton of them) and adjust to them. During this time I was aware that she pooped. But we had 2 bathrooms and opposite schedules, so it usually happened when I was away or in another room.
- between 2 years and 3 years we relocated for work and rent a teeny tiny little one bedroom, one bathroom place. I now know it is built to last because we asre basically living on top of eachother and still making it work. Now we have to hear eachother poop because we currently live in a prison cell.

 

[gaiages]

Yeah i had that issue before because i didn't know were i stood. Big mistake.

Never ask a girl to be official. SHE needs to ask it. It needs to come from her.

Now the only thing you need to do is give her space. Don't call or text until she does.

Date other girls too.

What? Why? Is this some kind of weird power play thing?

 

[Solo]

Yeah can't say I understand that either. Sounds like some kind of lame bro code/PUA shit.

I wanted to be official/exclusive with my GF. I asked her. She said yes. Liife went on.

 

[desertsession]

Got a date lined up for Friday, after a girl I was considering sending a DM sent me one first!

What dy'all recommend? Pick her up and go for a couple of drinks somewhere?

 

[Solo]

That's not a bad plan, but don't go to like a club or someplace super noisy or with blaring music.

 

[Beren the Empty-Handed]

Got a date lined up for Friday, after a girl I was considering sending a DM sent me one first!

What dy'all recommend? Pick her up and go for a couple of drinks somewhere?

I'm in the same boat as you. I suggested going out for coffee, and she replied yes and she'd like to do it around happy hour. If coffee goes well, maybe we'll segue to drinks.

The point is, it's really just about finding something you're both comfortable with. For my other first date on Saturday, I'm taking the girl out to a bar. *shrugs*

 

[desertsession]

That's opposed to inviting her to my place, which I assume is second date territory?

 

[Solo]

You just kind of have to feel out the situation with respect to inviting her over to your place. My GF came to my place on our second date, but it wasn't with the intent of getting intimate - we were going to a movie, missed the first show and had an hour to kill, so I just showed her my place to fill the time haha.

Third date is when she came over afterwards and fooled around.

You'll know if it's too early or too forward to ask her if she wants to come over.

 

[Krauser Kat]

Dear good people of neogaf... I have to vent about a date i had last night.
This was a second date. How, as someone who takes prides as a reader of people and people watcher did not notice she had a severe lazy eye last friday is beyond me. The date started in a dark bar and ended in a club so i guess that is all i will chalk it up to.

I couldnt look at her in the face the whole time... it was so rough. I kept having to play with my glass placement. The conversation was fine. When we finished dinner and moved to go to a bar. The bar we thought about going to looked sooo very sad. So we kept going.

We started talking about exs and past relationships and random shit we did in our past. Her most current ex comes up and holy shit i could not have been prepared for it. She opens with it was the best sex she has had in her life (she is 34). Im like cool, you are coming from a strong place and probably confident. She then says he had some issues and that were complicated. I dont judge people on their ex's so i urge her to proceed. I love a juicy story.

Men and women of neogaf dating. I was not prepared when she said this dude was an admitted pedophile. Like she was okay with it. He didnt act on it. They dated for 4 months. He got comfortable enough that when they were out in public and as couples do comment on the people around them. Like hey, that guy is attractive or that couple looks cute. This dude let his freak flag fly would comment on the 8-9 yr olds around her...

I have to maintain my fucking composure. What the fuck my friends.
She didnt break up with him on the spot either she kept going. I needed another drink.
What pushed her over the edge, which i think when your partner starts going on about Lolitas you are already at terminal velocity. Is while watching IT and talking about Bev being pretty hot and if 10yr olds can be into bev why not a 28yr old.
NOOOOOOOO

I drowned my soul with the rest of my beer and was like hey we should head out this place is closing soon anyway. I LYFTed out of there so fast.

 

[gaiages]

I was reading that story and did not suspect that twist like holy shit no

Spoiler

Was she dating Amir0x

 

[Alpende]

Just had my first Tinder date and it went fine, we talked about a bunch of stuff and had a few drinks. I don't think I'll go on another date because she isn't really what I expected or my type but that comes with Tinder I guess. It also sucks when girls don't have body shots whatsoever on their profile.

 

[vypek]

Dear good people of neogaf... I have to vent about a date i had last night.
This was a second date. How, as someone who takes prides as a reader of people and people watcher did not notice she had a severe lazy eye last friday is beyond me. The date started in a dark bar and ended in a club so i guess that is all i will chalk it up to.

I couldnt look at her in the face the whole time... it was so rough. I kept having to play with my glass placement. The conversation was fine. When we finished dinner and moved to go to a bar. The bar we thought about going to looked sooo very sad. So we kept going.

We started talking about exs and past relationships and random shit we did in our past. Her most current ex comes up and holy shit i could not have been prepared for it. She opens with it was the best sex she has had in her life (she is 34). Im like cool, you are coming from a strong place and probably confident. She then says he had some issues and that were complicated. I dont judge people on their ex's so i urge her to proceed. I love a juicy story.

Men and women of neogaf dating. I was not prepared when she said this dude was an admitted pedophile. Like she was okay with it. He didnt act on it. They dated for 4 months. He got comfortable enough that when they were out in public and as couples do comment on the people around them. Like hey, that guy is attractive or that couple looks cute. This dude let his freak flag fly would comment on the 8-9 yr olds around her...

I have to maintain my fucking composure. What the fuck my friends.
She didnt break up with him on the spot either she kept going. I needed another drink.
What pushed her over the edge, which i think when your partner starts going on about Lolitas you are already at terminal velocity. Is while watching IT and talking about Bev being pretty hot and if 10yr olds can be into bev why not a 28yr old.
NOOOOOOOO

I drowned my sould with the rest of my beer and was like hey we should head out this place is closing soon anyway. I LYFTed out of there so fast.

Whoa. Did not see that coming. Ugh.

Spoiler

Was she dating Amir0x

JESUS CHRIST. I didn't see that coming either. lol

 

[vegohead]

As was said above, moving in with your partner is the only way to really know if it's going to work long term. You learn a LOT about your partner AND yourself when you live with them. When you're earlier on dating and living apart, seeing eachother 3-5 times a week, that's like a greatest hits package for both of you - you're basically only seeing eachother at the top of your game. When you live together, you're going to see eachother in every single messy situation of life. Had a big fight? Too bad, you still live together so you can't disappear for a day to cool down! Hate her inlaws? Too bad, they are coming over to stay for a week! Hate her mangy little dog? Too bad, he's you're dog now!

I know that makes it sound awful, but it really isn't. But it WILL change your relationship in countless ways. It takes the mystery out of both of you, so you'd better have a really solid base to build off of. And just remember, everyone poops.

My girlfriend and I have had 3 living scenarios:
- the first 6 months I lived in my own place and she lived with 2 other girls. In this scenario, we both lived apart and were honeymooning hard, so it was heaven every time we managed to get together, usually 3-5 times a week. I didn't even think she pooped at this time. She was just this sexy angel who descemded upon me several times a week.
- between 6 months and 2 years she lived with me in my condo. My condo was quite large and spacious, had 2 bathrooms, and was quite comfortable. During this time we really got to know eachother's quirks (and trust me, you both have a ton of them) and adjust to them. During this time I was aware that she pooped. But we had 2 bathrooms and opposite schedules, so it usually happened when I was away or in another room.
- between 2 years and 3 years we relocated for work and rent a teeny tiny little one bedroom, one bathroom place. I now know it is built to last because we asre basically living on top of eachother and still making it work. Now we have to hear eachother poop because we currently live in a prison cell.

This sounds like a story my friends would tell me, because they know talking about pooping makes me uncomfortable. I'm quite anal(no pun intended) with sharing personal bathrooms, but my experience with women has been good so far.

Having bathroom affluence has really done me no favors in life.

 

[TheLostBigBoss]

Dear good people of neogaf... I have to vent about a date i had last night.
This was a second date. How, as someone who takes prides as a reader of people and people watcher did not notice she had a severe lazy eye last friday is beyond me. The date started in a dark bar and ended in a club so i guess that is all i will chalk it up to.

I couldnt look at her in the face the whole time... it was so rough. I kept having to play with my glass placement. The conversation was fine. When we finished dinner and moved to go to a bar. The bar we thought about going to looked sooo very sad. So we kept going.

We started talking about exs and past relationships and random shit we did in our past. Her most current ex comes up and holy shit i could not have been prepared for it. She opens with it was the best sex she has had in her life (she is 34). Im like cool, you are coming from a strong place and probably confident. She then says he had some issues and that were complicated. I dont judge people on their ex's so i urge her to proceed. I love a juicy story.

Men and women of neogaf dating. I was not prepared when she said this dude was an admitted pedophile. Like she was okay with it. He didnt act on it. They dated for 4 months. He got comfortable enough that when they were out in public and as couples do comment on the people around them. Like hey, that guy is attractive or that couple looks cute. This dude let his freak flag fly would comment on the 8-9 yr olds around her...

I have to maintain my fucking composure. What the fuck my friends.
She didnt break up with him on the spot either she kept going. I needed another drink.
What pushed her over the edge, which i think when your partner starts going on about Lolitas you are already at terminal velocity. Is while watching IT and talking about Bev being pretty hot and if 10yr olds can be into bev why not a 28yr old.
NOOOOOOOO

I drowned my sould with the rest of my beer and was like hey we should head out this place is closing soon anyway. I LYFTed out of there so fast.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

Krauser Kat wins the thread for the week. No one can top that.

 

[PancakeBurglar]

Yeah that's one hell of a revelation lol

 

[Krauser Kat]

I am still reeling from it.

How do you not pull the ripcord after he goes all Humbert Humbert in public with you.

 

[MogCakes]

Damn...story of the month right there

 

[Salamando]

On the complete opposite side of the coin...had a date with cat allergy girl last night.

Something I always dread in dating is mentioning that I was an orphan (both parents died while I was in high school). Reactions run from normal ("I'm sorry") to the outright bad ("High school? You must be over it by now"). Her reaction was to say nothing and hug me. By FAR the best thing she could've said/did.

She'll be coming over this weekend; i'll get to see how bad her allergies are in my apartment. I'm a bit nervous that she's far more sexperienced than I am, and all I can do is my best.

 

[Krauser Kat]

On the complete opposite side of the coin...had a date with cat allergy girl last night.

Something I always dread in dating is mentioning that I was an orphan (both parents died while I was in high school). Reactions run from normal ("I'm sorry") to the outright bad ("High school? You must be over it by now"). Her reaction was to say nothing and hug me. By FAR the best thing she could've said/did.

She'll be coming over this weekend; i'll get to see how bad her allergies are in my apartment. I'm a bit nervous that she's far more sexperienced than I am, and all I can do is my best.

Best of luck! as long as she takes an allergy pill before hand she should be good.

 

[gaiages]

On the complete opposite side of the coin...had a date with cat allergy girl last night.

Something I always dread in dating is mentioning that I was an orphan (both parents died while I was in high school). Reactions run from normal ("I'm sorry") to the outright bad ("High school? You must be over it by now"). Her reaction was to say nothing and hug me. By FAR the best thing she could've said/did.

She'll be coming over this weekend; i'll get to see how bad her allergies are in my apartment. I'm a bit nervous that she's far more sexperienced than I am, and all I can do is my best.

Wow fuck the person who said that

 

[Llyranor]

Make sure the cat watches.

 

[Salamando]

Wow fuck the person who said that

I think she was on the autistic spectrum. At least, a lot of the date made more sense when looked at through that lens.

Make sure the cat watches.

That cat was going to watch anyway >.> She doesn't like strangers in her territory, so they never leave her sight.

 

[MogCakes]

I think she was on the autistic spectrum. At least, a lot of the date made more sense when looked at through that lens.

That cat was going to watch anyway >.> She doesn't like strangers in her territory, so they never leave her sight.

Fingers crossed. Pets can be a make or break sometimes, but it seems she likes you enough that it isn't a big deal.

 

[protomouse]

Well, I might have been "ghosted" by this girl I've been dating for a month. Thing is, she's been leaning into me emotionally, saying how she's missed me when we've been apart, and how she's longing to see me again. We have sex (no intercourse, I gave her oral/hand), she stays the night, and afterwards she cancels our next date and no longer takes my calls. I'm a bit confused.

 

[Megalosaro]

Well, I might have been "ghosted" by this girl I've been dating for a month. Thing is, she's been leaning into me emotionally, saying how she's missed me when we've been apart, and how she's longing to see me again. We have sex (no intercourse, I gave her oral/hand), she stays the night, and afterwards she cancels our next date and no longer takes my calls. I'm a bit confused.

A month huh? That's not normal but I guess it happens. Sucks though....

When did you last speak to her? How was she after you fooled around? Did she reciprocate?

 

[Peltz]

Dear good people of neogaf... I have to vent about a date i had last night.
This was a second date. How, as someone who takes prides as a reader of people and people watcher did not notice she had a severe lazy eye last friday is beyond me. The date started in a dark bar and ended in a club so i guess that is all i will chalk it up to.

I couldnt look at her in the face the whole time... it was so rough. I kept having to play with my glass placement. The conversation was fine. When we finished dinner and moved to go to a bar. The bar we thought about going to looked sooo very sad. So we kept going.

We started talking about exs and past relationships and random shit we did in our past. Her most current ex comes up and holy shit i could not have been prepared for it. She opens with it was the best sex she has had in her life (she is 34). Im like cool, you are coming from a strong place and probably confident. She then says he had some issues and that were complicated. I dont judge people on their ex's so i urge her to proceed. I love a juicy story.

Men and women of neogaf dating. I was not prepared when she said this dude was an admitted pedophile. Like she was okay with it. He didnt act on it. They dated for 4 months. He got comfortable enough that when they were out in public and as couples do comment on the people around them. Like hey, that guy is attractive or that couple looks cute. This dude let his freak flag fly would comment on the 8-9 yr olds around her...

I have to maintain my fucking composure. What the fuck my friends.
She didnt break up with him on the spot either she kept going. I needed another drink.
What pushed her over the edge, which i think when your partner starts going on about Lolitas you are already at terminal velocity. Is while watching IT and talking about Bev being pretty hot and if 10yr olds can be into bev why not a 28yr old.
NOOOOOOOO

I drowned my soul with the rest of my beer and was like hey we should head out this place is closing soon anyway. I LYFTed out of there so fast.

Holy
Fucking
Shit

I've literally never had a date that bad.

 

[protomouse]

A month huh? That's not normal but I guess it happens. Sucks though....

When did you last speak to her? How was she after you fooled around? Did she reciprocate?

I spoke to her last time the morning she left, which was little over a week ago. So not a great deal of time still. Tried calling her the following day to finalize the date, and left her a text when she didn't answer. That's when she wrote back and cancelled. Tried a second call just a while ago - nothing. I mean, life always happens.

She was active in bed, though afterwards I noticed that she didn't reciprocate smiles like she used to during extended periods of eye contact. She would just look at me as if uncomfortable, though she said it was ok. The morning after we were both up early. She was a bit hurried because of work, but we hugged and kissed goodbye. And she took with her the flower I had given.

I've yet to decide whether I actually want to try another call in a week or two. On the one hand, she's a lovely girl. On the other hand, if she is "ghosting", she's lost a lot of my respect. Since she's moved in just up the street, I'll at the very least leave a text to try and ease her mind about the whole thing, seeing as it's possible we might cross paths at some point.

But yeah, it does suck. Within the last few days, I've gone from questioning my every move that night, to being sad, to being annoyed, to being "eh, nothing to do about it" atm. Maybe if I keep telling myself she's not worth it, it'll all go away.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

I spoke to her last time the morning she left, which was little over a week ago. So not a great deal of time still. Tried calling her the following day to finalize the date, and left her a text when she didn't answer. That's when she wrote back and cancelled. Tried a second call just a while ago - nothing. I mean, life always happens.

She was active in bed, though afterwards I noticed that she didn't reciprocate smiles like she used to during extended periods of eye contact. She would just look at me as if uncomfortable, though she said it was ok. The morning after we were both up early. She was a bit hurried because of work, but we hugged and kissed goodbye. And she took with her the flower I had given.

I've yet to decide whether I actually want to try another call in a week or two. On the one hand, she's a lovely girl. On the other hand, if she is "ghosting", she's lost a lot of my respect. Since she's moved in just up the street, I'll at the very least leave a text to try and ease her mind about the whole thing, seeing as it's possible we might cross paths at some point.

But yeah, it does suck. Within the last few days, I've gone from questioning my every move that night, to being sad, to being annoyed, to being "eh, nothing to do about it" atm. Maybe if I keep telling myself she's not worth it, it'll all go away.

Write her off. She's not contacting you again. If she does, be pleasantly surprised but cautious. There are very few good reasons why she couldn't text you over a span of 168 hours, including the weekend.

Note that, unlike some, I'm basically pro-ghosting early on. On the other hand, you need to read the signals here.

Don't bother with the conciliatory text. What's it going to say? "Hey, I know you didn't want to talk to me again, so if I see you, things won't be weird." Well, just make them not weird. At best, you'll have polite conversation, smile, and literally engage in no structured, substantive conversation -- that's how these things go. I did it myself after hooking up with a friend of a friend, and it was a garden-variety, "Hey, how are you?" "Good, you?" "Welp, gotta get back to work, take care!"

That's how these things go.

 

[Megalosaro]

At work today, I mentioned that she works a lot overtime.

She mentioned that before we started dating, it wasnt bad but now it gets in the way of her time with me.

I made a joke about how I had way more free time before we met. She countered with a joke about how I had more money too.

That transitioned into me asking if she wanted to discuss our financial situations and compare budgets because I wanted to started building longterm financial goals with her.

She got really excited about that. So we are going to go over that stuff with a bottle of wine this weekend.

Re: ghosting. I don't have a problem with ghosting. But a month seems like about the cut off would be where someone deserves some sort of break up. Pending the number of dates and circumstances of course. If it's 1-4 dates, then ghost away. But more than that and I dunno...

 

[Seirith]

At work today, I mentioned that she works a lot overtime.

She mentioned that before we started dating, it wasnt bad but now it gets in the way of her time with me.

I made a joke about how I had way more free time before we met. She countered with a joke about how I had more money too.

That transitioned into me asking if she wanted to discuss our financial situations and compare budgets because I wanted to started building longterm financial goals with her.

She got really excited about that. So we are going to go over that stuff with a bottle of wine this weekend.

Sounds like things are going well! Aren't you glad you decided not to end things?

 

[Megalosaro]

Sounds like things are going well! Aren't you glad you decided not to end things?

She's truly remarkable. I know it's still early (4 months) but a lot of times I can't help but think "you know, things wouldn't be so bad if this was it".

 

[vegohead]

"Hey, how are you?" "Good, you?" "Welp, gotta get back to work, take care!"

That's how these things go.

I just imagine a instance where someone says instead "Welp, gotta go find someone else to fuck, take care!."

Thanks again for your advice earlier this year man, it helped alot.

 

[MegaManTrigger]

Re: ghosting. I don't have a problem with ghosting. But a month seems like about the cut off would be where someone deserves some sort of break up. Pending the number of dates and circumstances of course. If it's 1-4 dates, then ghost away. But more than that and I dunno...

For me, if people make such a big emphasis on stating your intentions ASAP when you like someone, then it's only fair that you state your intentions to stop dating/break up no matter how many dates it has been (I'd draw the line at creepy people though since they're not reasonable, and the risk of dealing with a potential stalker far outweighs the benefits of telling someone that you're not attracted to them).