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[TheSchwab_7]

If someone judges me or condemns me for my feelings I tell them to go fuck themselves.

Also, as of right now, I don't really care what other people think of me. What matters to me is me and what I want out of life. And there are people out there who like me for who I am. Those are the people I want to gravitate to and be around because they are my support group.

If you are friends with people you can't share your feelings with then they are not your friends. They are stumbling blocks to your own personal happiness.

This. I mean if your friends are telling you that you're wrong all the time (this girl's case) and are judging you, then tell them to stfu and live your life. Friends are there for you no matter what. Sure you'll make mistakes and have regrets, but it's important to have that experience as well. You have a better idea of what you want and don't want.

Maybe you've never had a boyfriend because you were too afraid to talk about how you feel. I mean shit, you can't have a wrong feeling, we all feel different about things. /rant

 

[Sanky Panky]

This. I mean if your friends are telling you that you're wrong all the time (this girl's case) and are judging you, then tell them to stfu and live your life. Friends are there for you no matter what. Sure you'll make mistakes and have regrets, but it's important to have that experience as well. You have a better idea of what you want and don't want.

Maybe you've never had a boyfriend because you were too afraid to talk about how you feel. I mean shit, you can't have a wrong feeling, we all feel different about things. /rant

When you tell her to hit the road, please educate her that her bitchy attitude and immaturity won't lead her anywhere and it is no wonder she has never had a boyfriend. You'll be doing her a favor.

 

[Atramental]

When you tell her to hit the road, please educate her that her bitchy attitude and immaturity won't lead her anywhere and it is no wonder she has never had a boyfriend. You'll be doing her a favor.

Plus, tell her that she should never be afraid to be herself and that those "friends" of her's are robbing her of her own personal happiness.

 

[Vermillion]

If someone judges me or condemns me for my feelings I tell them to go fuck themselves.

Also, as of right now, I don't really care what other people think of me. What matters to me is me and what I want out of life. And there are people out there who like me for who I am. Those are the people I want to gravitate to and be around because they are my support group.

If you are friends with people you can't share your feelings with then they are not your friends. They are stumbling blocks to your own personal happiness.

This. I mean if your friends are telling you that you're wrong all the time (this girl's case) and are judging you, then tell them to stfu and live your life. Friends are there for you no matter what. Sure you'll make mistakes and have regrets, but it's important to have that experience as well. You have a better idea of what you want and don't want.

Maybe you've never had a boyfriend because you were too afraid to talk about how you feel. I mean shit, you can't have a wrong feeling, we all feel different about things. /rant

People will judge you. And once you've amassed a group of friends, try telling them to go fuck themselves, I dare you. Especially if they happen to be even remotely connected to anyone else, then you can go wallow in sadness all by yourself. Depending on the feelings you're sharing, you'll fuck up your social dynamic with them (if it concerns them), or you'll sound whiny as fuck, and get a disinterested "yeah, I understand, that's cool/that sucks." If no one is going to do anything to fix your feelings (and sans a break-up, they probably won't) why the hell are you going to them with your feelings anyways?

 

[Atramental]

People will judge you. And once you've amassed a group of friends, try telling them to go fuck themselves, I dare you. Especially if they happen to be even remotely connected to anyone else, then you can go wallow in sadness all by yourself. Depending on the feelings you're sharing, you'll fuck up your social dynamic with them (if it concerns them), or you'll sound whiny as fuck, and get a disinterested "yeah, I understand, that's cool/that sucks." If no one is going to do anything to fix your feelings (and sans a break-up, they probably won't) why the hell are you going to them with your feelings anyways?

People are sheep and they can judge me all they want. The true movers and shakers of this world are individuals who didn't bend to the pressure of the "herd". And I have told "friends" to fuck off and they are no longer my friends. But I made new friends and I continue to grow as an individual.

I don't know what your specific social situation is like but it sounds like you're apart of a group that you don't truly belong to. Maybe it's time to start planning your exit strategy into a new group or maybe you need to make your own group.

Anyways, I'm tired as fuck and I need some sleep. goodnight.

edit: If you need some more specific (and less sleep deprived lol) advice PM me and I'll try to respond back to you tomorrow.

 

[shanshan310]

Forgive me, but that kind of thinking is rather self centred. Of course you need to focus on you at some point, but telling people who consider you friends to fuck off cause you've got new friends is incredibly rude. You can't just "make new groups", that's not how friendship works. If you really don't enjoy someone's company just don't hang out with them. No need to be an asshole about it.

I hope you mean you go for a one night stand with her (or multiple ones). If you go for a relationship you just know you will never trust her, because she cheated on her current BF with you, so she might cheat on you as well. :lol

holding hands is cheating now? Its suggestive and flirty but it might have been friendly. I know some girls who hold hands with everyone.

Truth101, if she's in a relationship don't go for it. Don't put her in that awkward position. For one thing it seems like you barely know her, you have no idea what her intentions are. If she gets out of the relationship then that's your time to go. But anytime before then? no, just no.

 

[Bam Bam Baklava]

Man Atramental is passing around hot advice like Nino Brown passes around Turkeys. I'm interested to see how it works out for his own life.

 

[theignoramus]

So I'm having a beer this afternoon with a cute, scuba diving,bisexual neuroscience major. she's a much more well rounded person than I, and probably as smart or smarter, so this should be fun, haha.
In terms of etiquette though, I shouldnt be expected to cover both our drinks the first date, should I? Cause I damn sure dont want to, drinks at the fucking lounge I picked aint cheap, lol. I just like the laid back atmosphere of the place in the afternoons, when it's not busy.

i had a date lined up on Saturday with a really pretty poli sci major, but she dropped out at the last minute, claiming an illness in the family. This may or may not be true (why do people make shit up anyway, when they want to drop out of a date? I dropped out of a date a few weeks ago and I just told the girl I wasnt up for the meet. no BS, just straight talk) but I hope it was, cause this girl was brainy and hot.

 

[Keikaku]

So I'm having a beer this afternoon with a cute, scuba diving,bisexual neuroscience major. she's a much more well rounded person than I, and probably as smart or smarter, so this should be fun, haha.
In terms of etiquette though, I shouldnt be expected to cover both our drinks the first date, should I? Cause I damn sure dont want to, drinks at the fucking lounge I picked aint cheap, lol. I just like the laid back atmosphere of the place in the afternoons, when it's not busy.

I generally pick up the tab. I was always told growing up that the guy always pays for the first date. I follow this rule unless:

• It's apparent that we have zero chemistry. Maybe I've been lucky but in these instances the woman has always paid for her stuff.
• The woman is rude or hostile.
• I think that she's only looking for a free drink/meal

 

[Opus Angelorum]

I suggest buying the first drink, nothing wrong with being polite. That should be returned though.

 

[HarryHengst]

I suggest buying the first drink, nothing wrong with being polite. That should be returned though.

this is what i should do, yes. I've found that girls dont really like it when the guy pays everything. It sets an imbalance and might lead to expectations. Of course, it's possible i always go for girls who are more independent, so perhaps there are girls out there who do expect the guy to pay the bill.

 

[RawPower]

One question, what do you do when you run out of things to say/talk about when conversing with a girl? I find that this happens very frequently in conversations with just about anybody, let alone potential mates.

 

[Vigilant Walrus]

Six months since break off with girl. We had a great relationship but no time for each at the end.

She was not nice in the end. Blamed stress. I thought no excuse to just ignore someone.

This is the 2-3 time she has called me because she wants to go out and eat with me or drink some coffee. I have said in the past that I've had no time, but this time that I would text her a time that I am available at.
She is always "im so happy i finally got a hold of you, i asked your friend and she said it was hard to get a hold of you and that i shouldn't try".

I don't want to read anything into it because she has this thing about being great friends with her exes. And everyone have told me not to not to go back right after a rebound.

Honestly I still miss this broad. She was great. I made a mistake by being too needy and she was too busy with two university studies.
she told me that she had gone through hypnosis and have stopped her studies.
I think I am strong enough to meet her now, and see her and not be affected.

But I also want to be optimistic and positive, because ideally that's what I am not good at. I often go into negative mode and likes to create hypothetical-scenarios about the worst that could happen at any given time.
I'm thinking about saying that I am available for dinner (she invited me out, so I guess she is paying).

Do any of you have any thoughts about all this? Is it ever worth forgiving someone? I'm not mad at her at all. I love her. She is also a beautiful girl and I truly believe we had good chemistry. But things change, and when it seemed like her feelings changed for me, it hurt me. A lot. How can you say you love me, and then just ignore me. No matter how tough your two simultaneous university studies (medicine + biology = ciropractor) you dont have to ignore your partner, like she did with me.
So I don't trust her. And I never told her. I never explained to her what she did, because the last time I saw her, I knew it would have come off as jealousy and bad blood had I started pointing out all the bad things she did in our relationship.

Is six months enough for someone to change? And can you build something meaningful from the ground?
This one was not a waste of time. She made me want to be a better person and I don't regret a day spend with her. The only thing I would change had I known what I know now, then It would be not to have been so easy. I shouldn't have been so available for every day, I shouldn't be the one initiating sex 2-3 times a day. In many ways I was just too impatient and it came off as clingy.
I stopped being my best and started relaxing after a while. because the pussy was on the tab. I didn't train and study as hard as I should have had. I know now that I must never compromise myself or stop trying to be myself no matter were I am in a relationship. I'm almost 25 and I am glad I've learned this lesson now. This should benefit me.


I must try to be positive. Okay. 3 positive things right now:

1) I don't regret anything about my behavior with her besides being too affectious / clingy. I think I was a terrific boyfriend, besides that.

2) It's been tough being single, but it's been great not to compromise my ideals and being a pushover.

3) Since leaving her, I have not initiated context, and only looked at her facebook once (when she added me a month ago).

 

[HarryHengst]

One question, what do you do when you run out of things to say/talk about when conversing with a girl? I find that this happens very frequently in conversations with just about anybody, let alone potential mates.

Talk about the ceiling, or the person walking by, or the menu, or the dumb shoes the waiter is wearing, or the cute kitten you saw yesterday, or the thing you bought in the store yesterday. Im not even kidding, its literally what i do. The art of talking is being able to talk about dumb shit, not deep, meaningful conversations.

Or, if you're not yet comfortable talking about nothing, just ask her questions about her childhood, or her last holiday, or her parents/grandparents, or her pets or something. It doesnt really matter, just show interest in her. And if she likes you, she doesnt care either what you are talking about.

 

[shanshan310]

So I'm having a beer this afternoon with a cute, scuba diving,bisexual neuroscience major. she's a much more well rounded person than I, and probably as smart or smarter, so this should be fun, haha.
In terms of etiquette though, I shouldnt be expected to cover both our drinks the first date, should I? Cause I damn sure dont want to, drinks at the fucking lounge I picked aint cheap, lol. I just like the laid back atmosphere of the place in the afternoons, when it's not busy.

i had a date lined up on Saturday with a really pretty poli sci major, but she dropped out at the last minute, claiming an illness in the family. This may or may not be true (why do people make shit up anyway, when they want to drop out of a date? I dropped out of a date a few weeks ago and I just told the girl I wasnt up for the meet. no BS, just straight talk) but I hope it was, cause this girl was brainy and hot.

It kinds sets a bad precedent. She might then expect you to pay for everything. If it goes well, think about buying her dinner on the second/ third date. I'd feel bad if someone paid for me entirely

 

[Darklord]

I started talking to this girl online and she's a two-face. One picture I saw of her, she looked cute. Then next picture, mother of god, please no! And it was like that through all the pictures. For each cute picture, there was a terrible one as well. So I'm not sure what to expect if I meet her. 0_0

 

[AdventureRacing]

It kinds sets a bad precedent. She might then expect you to pay for everything. If it goes well, think about buying her dinner on the second/ third date. I'd feel bad if someone paid for me entirely

See i just am in the habit of buying things like that. I rarely spend money on myself so i always have plenty to spend on other people. Not sure it's a good thing and i don't recommend it but that's what i'm like.

 

[The Anti-Monitor]

So I'm having a beer this afternoon with a cute, scuba diving,bisexual neuroscience major. she's a much more well rounded person than I, and probably as smart or smarter, so this should be fun, haha.
In terms of etiquette though, I shouldnt be expected to cover both our drinks the first date, should I? Cause I damn sure dont want to, drinks at the fucking lounge I picked aint cheap, lol. I just like the laid back atmosphere of the place in the afternoons, when it's not busy.

Depends on the moment and her, really. If she doesn't hesitate about paying her drink, tell her you pay this time but she gotta do it the next time. If she doesn't seem like she wants to pay, but you've enjoyed her company so far, tell her as you pay something like you pay this time. If you haven't really enjoyed it that much, don't pay her drink.

If she argues and wants to pay anyways (and I wouldn't be surprised if she does), argue just a bit, if she seems determined tell her you'll invite her next time.

One question, what do you do when you run out of things to say/talk about when conversing with a girl? I find that this happens very frequently in conversations with just about anybody, let alone potential mates.

Find a topic you both really enjoy, and you could speak for hours.

No joking, I was with 2 friends in New Year's Eve at a party, and the moment Batman Arkham City was mentioned we didn't stop for 3 hours. Try a show, a movie, anything you know you both like, and you should be able to speak no problem.

If you can't, just try and speak about anything, whatever is on your mind, but try to make it interesting. Very rarely the actual topic is important, what matters is who you're talking to.

I started talking to this girl online and she's a two-face. One picture I saw of her, she looked cute. Then next picture, mother of god, please no! And it was like that through all the pictures. For each cute picture, there was a terrible one as well. So I'm not sure what to expect if I meet her. 0_0

Hard for us to say anything without evidence.

 

[FinalD]

FinalD - you are psyching yourself out. Don't over-think this. If you keep worrying like this it'll happen again and again. It's all in your head - there is nothing wrong with you or her. Just kick this mode of thinking.

She wants you as much as you want her by the sounds of it. You obviously really like this girl, so show her, be confident, be yourself and have a great time.

I know, I'm always over-thinking. That's why I needed advice on how to get it out of my head. But fortunately it worked out in the end. Took me a while though, but I think I'm "cured" now

Thanks anyway

 

[Darren870]

Things die and are born, feelings are no exception. I wouldn't be bothered too much.

Agreed Mate. My gf (of 7+ years) was dating someone when I met her. I wouldn't worry about it.....

 

[shanshan310]

Agreed Mate. My gf (of 7+ years) was dating someone when I met her. I wouldn't worry about it.....

Except he barely knows her and has no idea what their relationship is like. At this point all she's done is hold his hand. I wouldn't get his hopes up like that yet. If he tries something now its likely to get very awkward. I say this from personal experience.

 

[Qwerty710710]

All right I'm starting too feel better than I did last week no more sinking, or shitty ass feelings. I did act stupid and sent a text that I wouldn't even send to my worst enemy to her on Saturday night basically called her a piece of shit and other expletives. She said to lose my number and never speak to me again type of text. But that shit is over now, and I want to move on. I plan to message more girls very soon on my online profiles, but I really want to start focusing on the outside world. I don't want to meet women in bars or clubs I have a little success in the past with some one night stands but I'm a lot different when I start drinking I basically throw everything out the window. When I'm sober I'm very hit or miss depending on the situation on hand I wish I'm more ballsy. I want to know where are the best places too meet women I know book stores can be one.

 

[Darren870]

Except he barely knows her and has no idea what their relationship is like. At this point all she's done is hold his hand. I wouldn't get his hopes up like that yet. If he tries something now its likely to get very awkward. I say this from personal experience.

I was in the same boat as that as well. Didn't know the girl at all. However, if she is making signals that its worth a shot.

What I was really saying that is if something were to happen it doesn't mean she will be a cheater her whole life.....

 

[shanshan310]

I was in the same boat as that as well. Didn't know the girl at all. However, if she is making signals that its worth a shot.

What I was really saying that is if something were to happen it doesn't mean she will be a cheater her whole life.....

At least wait until they break up. Or get to know the girl better. Its just dirty otherwise. If she's not going to break up with him she's not interested.

 

[Hylian7]

Well balls, she's busy during the pool party tomorrow. I'll regroup and try to set up something for later this week.

She's busy all this week and this weekend, lol. I know she usually does a lot of stuff, but it feels like there's a 50% chance I'm striking out here, not sure. I pretty much just said "Well I would like to see you again, let me know when you aren't busy?"

Update: Her response to that seemed to indicate that she really is busy. Either that or she is just putting off being up front about not wanting to see me anymore. I guess the best choice here would be to believe she actually is busy.

 

[Vermillion]

People are sheep and they can judge me all they want. The true movers and shakers of this world are individuals who didn't bend to the pressure of the "herd". And I have told "friends" to fuck off and they are no longer my friends. But I made new friends and I continue to grow as an individual.

I don't know what your specific social situation is like but it sounds like you're apart of a group that you don't truly belong to. Maybe it's time to start planning your exit strategy into a new group or maybe you need to make your own group.

Anyways, I'm tired as fuck and I need some sleep. goodnight.

edit: If you need some more specific (and less sleep deprived lol) advice PM me and I'll try to respond back to you tomorrow.

I'm a part of many groups. My friends are always lovable assholes. And my response to something that pisses me off is silence. Until they try to break that by hugs. I do enjoy their company though, but I cannot tell them certain things. And so I don't.

And I have a high tolerance for assholes anyways. At this point I've learned to ignore most of it.

 

[Devolution]

I'm a part of many groups. My friends are always lovable assholes. And my response to something that pisses me off is silence. Until they try to break that by hugs. I do enjoy their company though, but I cannot tell them certain things. And so I don't.

And I have a high tolerance for assholes anyways. At this point I've learned to ignore most of it.

You gotta have that one friend (or lover) you can tell just about anything to or else you're doomed to bottle some shit up that needs to be talked out.

 

[Vermillion]

If only. I've learned to bottle it up, or talk to myself when I'm entirely alone.

 

[TheSchwab_7]

I started talking to this girl online and she's a two-face. One picture I saw of her, she looked cute. Then next picture, mother of god, please no! And it was like that through all the pictures. For each cute picture, there was a terrible one as well. So I'm not sure what to expect if I meet her. 0_0

It's a trap. But seriously, if you do meet her expect the worst and hope for the best. Got nothing to lose by meeting her.

 

[luckyboyceo]

Six months since break off with girl. We had a great relationship but no time for each at the end.

She was not nice in the end. Blamed stress. I thought no excuse to just ignore someone.

This is the 2-3 time she has called me because she wants to go out and eat with me or drink some coffee. I have said in the past that I've had no time, but this time that I would text her a time that I am available at.
She is always "im so happy i finally got a hold of you, i asked your friend and she said it was hard to get a hold of you and that i shouldn't try".

I don't want to read anything into it because she has this thing about being great friends with her exes. And everyone have told me not to not to go back right after a rebound.

Honestly I still miss this broad. She was great. I made a mistake by being too needy and she was too busy with two university studies.
she told me that she had gone through hypnosis and have stopped her studies.
I think I am strong enough to meet her now, and see her and not be affected.

But I also want to be optimistic and positive, because ideally that's what I am not good at. I often go into negative mode and likes to create hypothetical-scenarios about the worst that could happen at any given time.
I'm thinking about saying that I am available for dinner (she invited me out, so I guess she is paying).

Do any of you have any thoughts about all this? Is it ever worth forgiving someone? I'm not mad at her at all. I love her. She is also a beautiful girl and I truly believe we had good chemistry. But things change, and when it seemed like her feelings changed for me, it hurt me. A lot. How can you say you love me, and then just ignore me. No matter how tough your two simultaneous university studies (medicine + biology = ciropractor) you dont have to ignore your partner, like she did with me.
So I don't trust her. And I never told her. I never explained to her what she did, because the last time I saw her, I knew it would have come off as jealousy and bad blood had I started pointing out all the bad things she did in our relationship.

Is six months enough for someone to change? And can you build something meaningful from the ground?
This one was not a waste of time. She made me want to be a better person and I don't regret a day spend with her. The only thing I would change had I known what I know now, then It would be not to have been so easy. I shouldn't have been so available for every day, I shouldn't be the one initiating sex 2-3 times a day. In many ways I was just too impatient and it came off as clingy.
I stopped being my best and started relaxing after a while. because the pussy was on the tab. I didn't train and study as hard as I should have had. I know now that I must never compromise myself or stop trying to be myself no matter were I am in a relationship. I'm almost 25 and I am glad I've learned this lesson now. This should benefit me.


I must try to be positive. Okay. 3 positive things right now:

1) I don't regret anything about my behavior with her besides being too affectious / clingy. I think I was a terrific boyfriend, besides that.

2) It's been tough being single, but it's been great not to compromise my ideals and being a pushover.

3) Since leaving her, I have not initiated context, and only looked at her facebook once (when she added me a month ago).

I'm confused, what are you asking here? Are you wanting to get back together with her romantically? Or just be friends?

As far as your question on whether or not 6 months is a long enough time for someone to change, I would say yes, primarily because I don't think you can put a time table on things like that. It can take you 6 months, it can take you 6 years, everyone is different. You obviously know her very well so I'd trust your gut in this case. Just be cautious.

I started talking to this girl online and she's a two-face. One picture I saw of her, she looked cute. Then next picture, mother of god, please no! And it was like that through all the pictures. For each cute picture, there was a terrible one as well. So I'm not sure what to expect if I meet her. 0_0

I'd err on the side of caution here.

Everyone tries their hardest to put up their best photos, some are more misleading than others. I know a handful of girls who have absolutely amazing photos on their facebook but look nothing like them in real life. You should probably go into it expecting less than more, and if she turns out to be more along the lines of her best photos, then great.

All right I'm starting too feel better than I did last week no more sinking, or shitty ass feelings. I did act stupid and sent a text that I wouldn't even send to my worst enemy to her on Saturday night basically called her a piece of shit and other expletives. She said to lose my number and never speak to me again type of text. But that shit is over now, and I want to move on. I plan to message more girls very soon on my online profiles, but I really want to start focusing on the outside world. I don't want to meet women in bars or clubs I have a little success in the past with some one night stands but I'm a lot different when I start drinking I basically throw everything out the window. When I'm sober I'm very hit or miss depending on the situation on hand I wish I'm more ballsy. I want to know where are the best places too meet women I know book stores can be one.

I feel like if you go out with the sole intention of meeting women, they'll see right through you. Chances are you'll come off as creepy or weird. They'll recognize that you've been standing at the same magazine rack for 30 minutes.

I know this isn't the answer you want to hear, but try not to think about going out just to meet women. You can meet women anywhere. Just use this time as an opportunity to be more outgoing, men included. You never know, they may have some hot friends they can introduce you too and then bam! You're in. I know in my life, women have always shown up when I'm not actively looking. If you go out every day with intentions on meeting someone, you're only setting yourself up for failure. I know that's not the easiest answer but it's the truth.

Well balls, she's busy during the pool party tomorrow. I'll regroup and try to set up something for later this week.

She's busy all this week and this weekend, lol. I know she usually does a lot of stuff, but it feels like there's a 50% chance I'm striking out here, not sure. I pretty much just said "Well I would like to see you again, let me know when you aren't busy?"

Update: Her response to that seemed to indicate that she really is busy. Either that or she is just putting off being up front about not wanting to see me anymore. I guess the best choice here would be to believe she actually is busy.

Not to get you down or anything, but I'm a firm believer that if someone really wants to see you, they'll make time for you. Sure, she very well could be (and probably is) extremely busy, but I feel like she'd try and suggest another time that would work better for her instead. I don't know, just my opinion based off what you've told us about your situation in the past.

I'd take your foot off the gas a little bit and see how she responds.

 

[Bit-Bit]

Met a girl two weeks ago through a friend. Started talking to her on facebook and we really hit it off. Wish me luck, GAF.

 

[theignoramus]

Okay, so I just got back from my drink date with the cute neuroscience major. she's pretty attractive and definitely has her priorities in order.I did a good job keeping the conversation lively (there were no awkward moments) and I had fun. (though I was drinking delicious beer simultaneously)

Tomorrow afternoon is a walk on the boardwalk with the pretty poli sci major who bailed on me last saturday.

 

[Minamu]

If anyone made a Brent Smith shirt for the GAF store, I'd totally buy a couple! I'm not artistic enough to do it myself :S

 

[windz]

I know, I'm always over-thinking. That's why I needed advice on how to get it out of my head. But fortunately it worked out in the end. Took me a while though, but I think I'm "cured" now

Thanks anyway

Sometimes, the cure is simply time and growing more comfortable with a person. but hey! that's awesome, glad it worked out for you.

 

[Cubsfan23]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFa-PZ8Osbs

 

[wormstrangler]

What are the people who 'don't have time for a relationship' doing with all their time? It just seems like an excuse to me. I haven't come across someone like that in real life but I see that a lot of Gaffers run in to this one. Even a post from Atramental saying he doesn't have enough time for one. Not trying to call you out too much Atramental - I know you're a hard working uni guy and the like and I've never been to school outside of high-school so maybe I don't know the pressure that school can put on your life.

A question for all you don't have time people - are you constantly multi-tasking while on GAF and doing school work at the same time, or are you mostly procrastinating?

Shoot me now if I'm so busy that I never have time to talk to another person. Sounds like it would be too stressful.

 

[Hylian7]

Not to get you down or anything, but I'm a firm believer that if someone really wants to see you, they'll make time for you. Sure, she very well could be (and probably is) extremely busy, but I feel like she'd try and suggest another time that would work better for her instead. I don't know, just my opinion based off what you've told us about your situation in the past.

I'd take your foot off the gas a little bit and see how she responds.

That was already the plan. She is in the Honors College here though, and she talked before about all the stuff she does, so I'm not surprised that she actually is busy. Regardless, ball's in her court now. I gave her an obvious opening to say if she didn't want to see me anymore, she did not take it.

 

[Izick]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFa-PZ8Osbs

That's all well and good, but I don't see how that helps. You can't just tell myself "I'm a doctor" or "I'm going to date her" and it magically happens. That's not how it works.

I guess those things could help build like your self-esteem, but somewhere doesn't it feel like you're just lying to yourself?

 

[Etrian Oddity]

Sometimes I wonder just what the fuck goes through girls' heads.

You make plans with a guy three times and flake each time, then spot him (in a hidden nook at campus) and say "oh i feel so bad" and then proceed to try to hold a normal conversation.

rly bitch?

I think from now on I need to just go up to girls and ask if they wanna fuck. Apparently anything short of that relegates you to "platonic friend" status.

 

[Vigilant Walrus]

I'm confused, what are you asking here? Are you wanting to get back together with her romantically? Or just be friends?

As far as your question on whether or not 6 months is a long enough time for someone to change, I would say yes, primarily because I don't think you can put a time table on things like that. It can take you 6 months, it can take you 6 years, everyone is different. You obviously know her very well so I'd trust your gut in this case. Just be cautious.

thank you. I didn't know what I was asking. Thoughts are all over the place. Don't know much.

 

[TheSchwab_7]

Met a girl two weeks ago through a friend. Started talking to her on facebook and we really hit it off. Wish me luck, GAF.

Good luck man.

In recent news I message this girl one of my friend knows and asked her if she wanted to get some pizza. We shall see.

Sometimes I wonder just what the fuck goes through girls' heads.

You make plans with a guy three times and flake each time, then spot him (in a hidden nook at campus) and say "oh i feel so bad" and then proceed to try to hold a normal conversation.

rly bitch?

I think from now on I need to just go up to girls and ask if they wanna fuck. Apparently anything short of that relegates you to "platonic friend" status.

Yeah forreal. I've had this happen to me a few times. And watch if you ask them to just fuck they'll be like "oh my god you're only talking to me cause you want in my pants i'm not a slut!"

 

[Cubsfan23]

doesn't it feel like you're just lying to yourself?

you're lying to yourself when you say you can't do something

all of your current negative beliefs are a result of you telling yourself so over and over again. So why not do the opposite?

 

[Izick]

you're lying to yourself when you say you can't do something

How? What if you honestly can't do it?

 

[Sanky Panky]

That's all well and good, but I don't see how that helps. You can't just tell myself "I'm a doctor" or "I'm going to date her" and it magically happens. That's not how it works.

I guess those things could help build like your self-esteem, but somewhere doesn't it feel like you're just lying to yourself?

I think it's more that we've all ran across techniques, advice, etc that are enough to just go out there and take action. Some people get hung up in the stage of wanting to learn more and more, when in reality they already know what they need to know to take that first step.

There is no need to master anything. You just gotta go for it. I don't really like the guy, but this was good advice.

 

[Cubsfan23]

How? What if you honestly can't do it?

your mind can't tell the difference between fantasy and reality. Whatever you convince itself it can do, it will find anyway to make it into your true reality.

 

[Izick]

your mind can't tell the difference between fantasy and reality. Whatever you convince itself it can do, it will find anyway to make it into your true reality.

What? That's not true. If that were true then I could do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted with no ramifications or barriers.

I think it's more that we've all ran across techniques, advice, etc that are enough to just go out there and take action. Some people get hung up in the stage of wanting to learn more and more, when in reality they already know what they need to know to take that first step.

There is no need to master anything. You just gotta go for it. I don't really like the guy, but this was good advice.

Hm, okay, I think I understand what he's saying, but I still don't agree with it.

 

[windz]

No, it may not work by simply saying those things, but through positive reinforcement (from yourself or others) and by thinking positively and ACTIVELY seeking and ACTING in a manner that reflects your thoughts/desires/goals, you WILL see results at some point. And you keep thinking positive, acting like you want to, and seeking what you desire EVERY DAY. And what you end up getting will be the results you desired, because you kept at something and didn't let your OWN negative reinforcement/thoughts cripple your progress towards future dreams.

A whole hell of a lot better results than being a pity party, not believing in yourself, and doing absolutely nothing at all. Doing that will get you absolutely no where and you won't see any positive change any time soon in your life. You have to start somewhere, and constantly thinking "oh but I don't really believe I can" or "I really don't deserve that" is simply you doing what you've always done: nothing. And continually asking those questions/thinking that way are a waste of god damn time.

Does it feel like we are only lying to ourselves? For some - absolutely - but the difference is the people who choose to ignore that "lie" and make it their "reality" - by striving for it. If you believe you're lying to yourself, you're already setting yourself up to fail.

 

[Izick]

Edit. Wrong thread.

 

[Idde]

What are the people who 'don't have time for a relationship' doing with all their time? It just seems like an excuse to me. I haven't come across someone like that in real life but I see that a lot of Gaffers run in to this one. Even a post from Atramental saying he doesn't have enough time for one. Not trying to call you out too much Atramental - I know you're a hard working uni guy and the like and I've never been to school outside of high-school so maybe I don't know the pressure that school can put on your life.

A question for all you don't have time people - are you constantly multi-tasking while on GAF and doing school work at the same time, or are you mostly procrastinating?

Shoot me now if I'm so busy that I never have time to talk to another person. Sounds like it would be too stressful.

Unfortunately...this is my situation. I'd like to have a girlfriend, but I've had difficulty planning dates because I'm really busy. I work 25 hours a week, study 25 hours, work out two or three times, go salsadancing one evening and kickboxing another...And I still have other friends/family I also want to spend time with. So unless some girl actually blows my socks off, I simply have no time for her, because the things taking up my time are to awesome to blow of.

 

[Cubsfan23]

What? That's not true. If that were true then I could do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted with no ramifications or barriers.




Hm, okay, I think I understand what he's saying, but I still don't agree with it.

It is true with your subconscious. That's why when you wake up from dreaming, you think it's real until you conscious mind takes over and says it wasn't real.

But your subconscious holds your beliefs and habits, so when it comes to creating anything, all you have to do is convince it that it is true..........Is it hard to convince if you've been telling yourself the opposite for years? Yes, but you just have to stay committed to the process. There are also ways to get rid of the negative belief, and make it easier to install the positive..........


So the harder way to change is to just bombard yourself with the positive, and drown the negative out.

The easy way is to get rid of it, then install the positive. This way is better because it's like cleaning your hard drive and starting over.