Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy

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hipgnosis said:
Shiiit. Bumped into the girl I dated for two months last fall. I was really into her at the time, but she wanted to be just friends after our two month relationship. Seeing her today got my feelings up again and now I'm pissed we couldn't work it out. She seemed really happy seeing me and was so cheery.

Got me thinking I don't have these kinds of feelings towards the girl I'm dating now and I'm not feeling too good about her after bumping to the other girl. I'm confused again and don't know what to do. I might want a girl with a similar cheery, cute and kind nature as the girl I dated before.
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Ugh, unfortunately this is the reason I hope I never run into the girl I split with a few weeks ago. I know that all the progress I've made lately would be thrown out the window and I'd end up feeling as bad as I did when we first split.

Regarding the 2nd part of your post, I'd say you should see how you feel in a couple days. Right now it's understandable to be feeling the way you are. You didn't expect to run into your ex, and it's only natural that some old feelings rushed back and made you second guess your current relationship. I think you're biased to the old girl right now because she's fresh in your mind, but you may end up feeling completely different this time next week.

Basically, don't make a snap judgement. Let us know next week if you're feeling the same way but I have a feeling you won't be.

Emily Chu said:
so here's the situation living with friends recently in a two story house

There's this girl 23-24? Recent Chinese immigrant upstairs that seems like a ghost up at 6-7 am for work and back home @ god knows what hr but I know she exist and she does me, when said hi a number of times smiles and all she speaks Cantonese and I know that shit....

HOW do I approach her ? Do I just go upstairs and well do what exactly ?

I don't wanna go upstairs with literally nothing but dick in hand looking foolish

Wished it was that easy....

She has no internet

Seems akward as fuck though....

Any ideas GAF ?

I've had GFs and relationships in the past but those were fall ass backward lucky as fuck kind where she approached me....
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She's relatively new, right? She's probably desperately looking for friends right now. The fact that you speak cantonese alone should be enough to get her to go out with you. Really, I'm serious.

Next time you see her, introduce yourself. Ask her if she's new in the area and when she says yes, offer to show her around sometime. Play up the fact that you speak cantonese too, it will make her feel comfortable around you.

Chinner said:
threaten to deport her if she doesnt go out with you
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Or there's this lol.
 
TheSchwab_7 said:
So this girl tells me that she likes me, but she won't do anything with me. Anytime I try, she says she's not ready. We both leave to go home from college in less than two weeks. Seems like a complete waste of time even bothering here since she's so stuck on her stance on this.
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women's words are meaningless, go by their actions
 
Cubsfan23 said:
women's words are meaningless, go by their actions
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That's what I'm starting to think, and her actions show that she's insane and isn't going to do anything with me.

That being said I'm running into a little problem. The girl above, let's call her H, invited me over to a party that her friend is throwing tomorrow night. H's friend A is hooking up with my friend D, and A knows that I just want to get some. So A invites her friend J over to the party, and J told her that she thinks I'm cute and wants to meet me. The problem is that H is going to be at this party as well, and I want to focus all my attention on J so that we can have a good night together. Also, J isn't a prude who thinks that letting me touch her boobs is something that should be sacred like H does. And J seems to be a normal fucking human being so that's a plus as well.

Do I just ignore H completely and focus on J like I plan on doing or is there better way to handle this?
 
TheSchwab_7 said:
That's what I'm starting to think, and her actions show that she's insane and isn't going to do anything with me.

That being said I'm running into a little problem. The girl above, let's call her H, invited me over to a party that her friend is throwing tomorrow night. H's friend A is hooking up with my friend D, and A knows that I just want to get some. So A invites her friend J over to the party, and J told her that she thinks I'm cute and wants to meet me. The problem is that H is going to be at this party as well, and I want to focus all my attention on J so that we can have a good night together. Also, J isn't a prude who thinks that letting me touch her boobs is something that should be sacred like H does. And J seems to be a normal fucking human being so that's a plus as well.

Do I just ignore H completely and focus on J like I plan on doing or is there better way to handle this?
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Divide J by A and multiply H with D to get 13.
 
TheSchwab_7 said:
That's what I'm starting to think, and her actions show that she's insane and isn't going to do anything with me.

That being said I'm running into a little problem. The girl above, let's call her H, invited me over to a party that her friend is throwing tomorrow night. H's friend A is hooking up with my friend D, and A knows that I just want to get some. So A invites her friend J over to the party, and J told her that she thinks I'm cute and wants to meet me. The problem is that H is going to be at this party as well, and I want to focus all my attention on J so that we can have a good night together. Also, J isn't a prude who thinks that letting me touch her boobs is something that should be sacred like H does. And J seems to be a normal fucking human being so that's a plus as well.

Do I just ignore H completely and focus on J like I plan on doing or is there better way to handle this?
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You said you two are in college? How long have you known her, and how long have you two been going out? If you're relationship is still young, then it's not unreasonable for her to want to wait a little bit before engaging in anything sexual with you. Especially if she's had bad relationships in the past which might be affecting the way she approaches you.

I would say that if she really cares for you, and all you want is to get some, then it might be best to let her go before she gets too much more attached to you. That way you don't end up hurting her too badly, and you can get with J, or whatever letter is more interested in you at this party.
 
For those of you who remember my last few posts, (single mom was my gf, she made things super hard, I ended it) I reconnected with a girl that I had been on a few dates with about a year ago. It didn't end badly, and there was some chemistry, but we both just got super busy at the same time and that was that.

Anyway, we actually work a block and a half from each other so we agreed to have lunch. Afterwards, I walked her back to her work building and an exhcange kinda like this happened:

Me: Wanna come over for dinner soon?
Her: I can't this week, but I'm free all of next week.
Me: Want to just come over after work on Tuesday then?
Her: Sure, sounds great

I had forgotten how easy and smooth it is to set up dates when the girl in question doesn't keep looking for reasons not to have it. haha
 
TheSchwab_7 said:
So this girl tells me that she likes me, but she won't do anything with me. Anytime I try, she says she's not ready. We both leave to go home from college in less than two weeks. Seems like a complete waste of time even bothering here since she's so stuck on her stance on this.
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Ask her about her intimacy issues instead of forcing the issue. If she doesn't want to tell your her hang ups, then there isn't much you can do. You don't know what she's been through.
 
TheSchwab_7 said:
Woo! Congrats man! :) I know that feel too.

@Devolution: She just thinks that it's "gross". If I had to guess she may be a germaphobe. Anything that involves saliva or body fluids is off limits for her.
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Hahaha what? Yeah I wouldn't bother with her, good luck getting anything done with that attitude.
 
Sooo while I was bumbling about in the drunk thread I decided to create some leverage on myself:

Atramental said:
Haha... just had an idea which is a challenge for myself.

If I don't get laid before the end of this year (2012) I'll mail $15 to the top ten posters of this thread who are:

-not me. lol
-& are not perma-banned. So that means blame space and coldvein are included because they have temporary bans.

Here's the people in the lead so far:
ibrpUN8CAGhsx.jpg


If you live outside of the US I'll handle the shipping costs ...or maybe I should just get myself a paypal account. ...which I'm totally ignorant about.

But I've got a whole entire year to figure this out. So this is just the basics so far.
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I don't want to lose $150 so I better get cracking. Haha.
 
EviLore said:
Do this tomorrow night: http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=470680

And be less polite.

Done!*

*Combat training may be helpful in case of altercation with roided up dudebro :D
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I'll be done with my final exam/design project on Friday so that's when I'll head downtown and check out the bars. (edit: Oh it's already thursday, lol. nevermind)

I don't think there's many dudebros in my area but it only takes one to kick your ass to next Tuesday. haha
 
Just remember if you go to a bar alone: everyone who wants to talk to strangers generally breaks off from any large group they arrived with anyway, so it's only awkward if you decide it's awkward. Relax, walk around a bit but don't zoom or target aggressively, and make eye contact with people assertively, acknowledge, and greet them (with a pleasant and approachable facial expression and tone) if they're close and not busy. Don't browse GAF on your phone or stare at your beer. Doesn't take much more than that, since social lubricant is flowing freely. Just aim to talk to people.
 
EviLore said:
Just remember if you go to a bar alone: everyone who wants to talk to strangers generally breaks off from any large group they arrived with anyway, so it's only awkward if you decide it's awkward. Relax, walk around a bit but don't zoom or target aggressively, and make eye contact with people assertively and greet them (with a pleasant and approachable facial expression and tone) if they're close and not busy. Don't browse GAF on your phone or stare at your beer. Doesn't take much more than that, since social lubricant is flowing freely. Just aim to talk to people.
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I no longer have a smart phone (long story) so that won't be an issue and a beer is not that exciting to stare at. Haha.

I should be fine. I now have all the psychological and social tools I need to keep my cool and remain confident in most situations.
 
EviLore said:
Just remember if you go to a bar alone: everyone who wants to talk to strangers generally breaks off from any large group they arrived with anyway, so it's only awkward if you decide it's awkward. Relax, walk around a bit but don't zoom or target aggressively, and make eye contact with people assertively, acknowledge, and greet them (with a pleasant and approachable facial expression and tone) if they're close and not busy. Don't browse GAF on your phone or stare at your beer. Doesn't take much more than that, since social lubricant is flowing freely. Just aim to talk to people.
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What do you do when you aren't talking to anyone/in between random conversations? Just walk around? Chill out and watch any TVs that are around? Talk to the bartender?
 
Altramental, if by some off chance you live anywhere near Seattle I'd be glad to accompany you on your adventures. If not then good luck, my friend! You have your goal in sight!
 
luckyboyceo said:
Altramental, if by some off chance you live anywhere near Seattle I'd be glad to accompany you on your adventures. If not then good luck, my friend! You have your goal in sight!
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If I remember right, once he escapes the hellhole that is... wherever he is, he will venture to the Great Pacific Northwest.
 
EviLore said:
Just remember if you go to a bar alone: everyone who wants to talk to strangers generally breaks off from any large group they arrived with anyway, so it's only awkward if you decide it's awkward. Relax, walk around a bit but don't zoom or target aggressively, and make eye contact with people assertively, acknowledge, and greet them (with a pleasant and approachable facial expression and tone) if they're close and not busy. Don't browse GAF on your phone or stare at your beer. Doesn't take much more than that, since social lubricant is flowing freely. Just aim to talk to people.
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I've done this once or twice recently and I've had good experiences meeting new people and making good conversation, it hass even got me a few numbers just talking to some pleasant girls and having good chit-chat. It is a lot easier than people might think and usually 8/10 times they are happy to talk or feel complimented that you went up and made friendly conversation. It's probably why I have enjoyed being single after a long relationship because it makes you want to go out and try new things and broaden your curiosity and explore many other venues.

Speaking on an note I made yesterday about meeting up one of the girls I've talked to recently, I've decided after texting her and a briefly friendly message on facebook with no response for over a day I am just going to wait and let her reply so I know if she would like to continue what we have been doing (although she did say she had a lovely time with me on Tuesday night you can never know with how women act sometimes after haha). It sucks I won't be going out drinking with a friend going to a bar this Friday/weekend because I've already got other arrangements on other activities but I can't wait to go to my local place on Tuesday and see what girls I might meet next! Take my advice, there's no harm on going up and making conversation to any girls that you're interested in. Even on the worst case if they are not interested it will still improve on your confidence if you keep doing it.
 
When I changed my diet, I took it step by step. Cutting down portion size, substituting unhealthy snacks with healthy snacks, and no junk food/fast food (there's more but those 3 are good ones). What do YOU think is wrong with your current diet? It might be different for you.
 
Danj said:
Just thought that I'd mention that now that it's payday tomorrow, I'm going to make the attempt to change my diet. If anyone has any additional suggestions to offer please let me know.
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Personally I began the instant I decided to do it, started taking little walks and cutting calories, eventually siding with some slight low carb stuff. I've lost over 130 lbs and it's definitely a large part of my surging confidence and success with the ladies these days.

Count your calories, get some exercise, even small walks are OK to start with. Drink water, because it's delicious and refreshing. Spring water / filtered water if you're picky, with ice cubes or not.
 
luckyboyceo said:
She's relatively new, right? She's probably desperately looking for friends right now. The fact that you speak cantonese alone should be enough to get her to go out with you. Really, I'm serious.

Next time you see her, introduce yourself. Ask her if she's new in the area and when she says yes, offer to show her around sometime. Play up the fact that you speak cantonese too, it will make her feel comfortable around you.


Or there's this lol.
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ok update guise

welp I knocked on her door tonight, her mother answer I said HI, would you guise like to go HOT POTTING ? tonight ?

mother said oh lol we're already eating though maybe next time
ask me if I wanted some duck feet... I said yes
invited me up, I said hi to the whole FAMILY, Mom, little bro, and her.
asked her if she wanna hang out sometime
got her number from her and some duck feets (wut)

not bad GAF

gonna call her this weekend when shes off of work to go hot potting.

her name is Allie

Z5cOA.jpg
 
Strange.

A friend of a mate of mine would appear to like me.

She keeps giving me signals (well I believe so), and even wanted to play with my hair.

Just too bad I'm not attracted to her...
 
Emily Chu said:
ok update guise

welp I knocked on her door tonight, her mother answer I said HI, would you guise like to go HOT POTTING ? tonight ?

mother said oh lol we're already eating though maybe next time
ask me if I wanted some duck feet... I said yes
invited me up, I said hi to the whole FAMILY, Mom, little bro, and her.
asked her if she wanna hang out sometime
got her number from her and some duck feets (wut)

not bad GAF

gonna call her this weekend when shes off of work to go hot potting.

her name is Allie

Z5cOA.jpg
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You did very well. Now just relax and be yourself.
 
So 'cause of my inability to be completely honest about things (regarding my health) and being caught in that, my ex-g/f (and classmate, former best friend) was pretty much forced to break it off me with. It was a contentious issue that I've always lied to myself about because thinking about it brought me a shitton of grief, but I promised from the get go with her (she had been my best friend for two years) I would be open and honest about the important things. This is relevant as it is only to provide context: I fucked things up.

Fast forward a month later, and we're still friends, but there's a bit of distance growing. She forgave me for it because she knew it was 'cause I was just protecting myself and didn't mean to hurt her. But she knew she had to move on, 'cause I just couldn't be honest about things. Sad thing is, she just told me today tearfully she really loved me (before). Moments after saying she's starting "talking" to a dude in my class (i.e. getting to know for dating purposes). Ouch. She says her biological clock is ticking and he's been super resilient (he didn't know we were going out, we were stealth about it). She says the fact that he's been resilient means that he must like her and that's enough reason to give him a chance...even though she doesn't really like him right now. Shit can happen though, obviously.

In my head I know I can change the things I've been so protective about. I just need time; I can't subject her to those things again until I know I'm different (who knows? She may not even want me then). And I can't change overnight. So I'm left with hardcore fucking feelings, knowing I can't be with her right now, knowing that she and this dude might click, knowing I haven't got forever to fix my issues and knowing that I'm gonna be a fucking wreck for months.

I guess I don't need advice, I just needed to vent 'cause I wanna QQ hard lol.
 
DogWelder said:
So 'cause of my inability to be completely honest about things (regarding my health) and being caught in that, my ex-g/f (and classmate, former best friend) was pretty much forced to break it off me with. It was a contentious issue that I've always lied to myself about because thinking about it brought me a shitton of grief, but I promised from the get go with her (she had been my best friend for two years) I would be open and honest about the important things. This is relevant as it is only to provide context: I fucked things up..
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What is the issue that you had to be so secretive about? is it sexually related?

Mully said:
Why the fuck do I always hook up with girls that are looking "to get out of the single game."
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Maybe you just give off that "stable, relationship kind if guy" vibe. It's cool brah...
 
Girlfriend of 4 years just said that I'm her best friend, she loves me, but she doesn't know of she's on love with me anymore. Says she just doesn't know.

We started dating when I was a sophomore and she was a junior in college. She never cared about hooking up p anything like that bit now she says she doesn't want to have regrets. But she admits she still doesn't want to hook up with anyone.

We live together and she's going on vacation with her family for the next week and we decided to not talk to each other and see how we feel when she gets back.

What do I do? Any advice? I love this girl and really dont want this to end.
 
zmoney said:
Girlfriend of 4 years just said that I'm her best friend, she loves me, but she doesn't know of she's on love with me anymore. Says she just doesn't know.

We started dating when I was a sophomore and she was a junior in college. She never cared about hooking up p anything like that bit now she says she doesn't want to have regrets. But she admits she still doesn't want to hook up with anyone.

We live together and she's going on vacation with her family for the next week and we decided to not talk to each other and see how we feel when she gets back.

What do I do? Any advice? I love this girl and really dont want this to end.
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From what I understand about from what my parents and grandparents say, the passion isn't always there. Rough patches are inevitable but love work through even the rough patches. From what you describe, and don't take this bad or anything, but you two sound like a young couple recently married, sans rings of course. Now that you're around each other much more than just dating by living with each other, there's no more secrets no more excitement, but that something everyone works through, if my family is to be believed.

I home I'm not misinterpreting anything. My advice would be to give her some distance, but when she gets back, explain how you feel and what you're going through, and tell her what she really mean to you.

Godspeed.
 
FelixOrion said:
From what I understand about from what my parents and grandparents say, the passion isn't always there. Rough patches are inevitable but love work through even the rough patches. From what you describe, and don't take this bad or anything, but you two sound like a young couple recently married, sans rings of course. Now that you're around each other much more than just dating by living with each other, there's no more secrets no more excitement, but that something everyone works through, if my family is to be believed.

I home I'm not misinterpreting anything. My advice would be to give her some distance, but when she gets back, explain how you feel and what you're going through, and tell her what she really mean to you.

Godspeed.
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Yea you hit the nail on the head. Everyone always tells us that we act like "an old married couple" (not sure if that's a good thing or not lol).

I told her that we'll take a "break" while she's away so she can have fun and not worry about us for a week. And when she gets back we'll have a talk. She did say that she really wants to work things out, so I guess that's a good sign.

She had a cyst in her brain about 1.5 years ago that never got taken out but it caused some medical problems and ever since then our relationship has been less passionate and more of a best friend type thing. Mainly bc that was what she needed but I think that we may have gotten in the rut of friends and with the movig in together, just neve got back into the passionate romance.
 
Does anyone else here have no troubles getting girls to reply back or go out on first dates, but run into issues moving those dates to second or third?

I feel that I'm far better than the average OKCer at getting girls to talk or meet up with me, but I run into trouble when I want to keep that going beyond a first date.
 
Well gentlemen, I had a very positive night out with my closest friends at one of the local nightclubs. I was one of the few guys who actually approached girls (my friends are pussies with high standards, haha) and I danced with a couple females tonight. I hadn't been to the club in a while, and I have to say tonight did compel me to start doing it more often because I normally don't approach girls.

[note: I use the term "females" often in an exaggerated, scientifically sarcastic context]
 
zmoney said:
Girlfriend of 4 years just said that I'm her best friend, she loves me, but she doesn't know of she's on love with me anymore. Says she just doesn't know.

We started dating when I was a sophomore and she was a junior in college. She never cared about hooking up p anything like that bit now she says she doesn't want to have regrets. But she admits she still doesn't want to hook up with anyone.

We live together and she's going on vacation with her family for the next week and we decided to not talk to each other and see how we feel when she gets back.

What do I do? Any advice? I love this girl and really dont want this to end.
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Well, see how it goes after she gets back. But honestly, if she still doesn't know how she feels, its time to move on. You deserve someone who's going to want to be with you and have no doubts that you're "the one".
 
I really don't understand some chicks sometimes

Went on a date with a lady, everything was cool, she even walked me to the train station when I said she didn't have to...She said she liked the whole date, etc

So a little while later we txting, and she said "she's so glad to have met me after all that time", then I said "yeah, we shouldn't leave it too long to meet each other again" and she replied "i absolutely agree :)"

So blam, I'm thinking OK she's on one...but that's about it. I text her and she'll reply like a hours and hours later lol. I asked her yesterday how her plans are for the weekend, she said busy but wanted to know what my calendar looked like- I said busy, but can be free if you wanted to hook up again

Then blam part 2..nothing in response. That was yesterday evening, so I dunno. Not heard much, not gonna hold my breath. It was only one date, but wouldn't it have been easier just to say you aren't interested anymore?!
 
she may be busy/shit at texting but i'd generally interpret responses that take over a day to show that shes not really that interested.
 
Mecha_Infantry said:
I really don't understand some chicks sometimes

Went on a date with a lady, everything was cool, she even walked me to the train station when I said she didn't have to...She said she liked the whole date, etc

So a little while later we txting, and she said "she's so glad to have met me after all that time", then I said "yeah, we shouldn't leave it too long to meet each other again" and she replied "i absolutely agree :)"

So blam, I'm thinking OK she's on one...but that's about it. I text her and she'll reply like a hours and hours later lol. I asked her yesterday how her plans are for the weekend, she said busy but wanted to know what my calendar looked like- I said busy, but can be free if you wanted to hook up again

Then blam part 2..nothing in response. That was yesterday evening, so I dunno. Not heard much, not gonna hold my breath. It was only one date, but wouldn't it have been easier just to say you aren't interested anymore?!
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I wouldn't send her a single text back even if she does reply back eventually. This whole excuse of "I'm busy" is starting to become really stale. In an age where we have instant communication 24-7 with cell phones and internet it's very easy to determine your worth to someone.

In this facebook era I feel like everyone wants to appear as the busy person. Constantly posting bull shit on their wall about how busy work is and how many plans they have for the weekend. A lot of time they're cryptic metaphors so they can sucker people into replying to their status.

I've noticed some friends who will not reply back to my text/email, but yet continue to post stuff on facebook. I don't get upset about it, but I now know where I stand with them. Then if they every come calling me I'll treat them the way they treated me.

You can't instantly move a girl you just met up to top tier. They have to start at the bottom and work their way up.
 
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