Your avatar makes me laugh if that helps at all.
Need some goals, friend. I've been depressed a lot lately and I think it's for lack of some clear goals and challenges in my life.
Ha, thanks I guess!
I'm always making goals, I'm just torn on whether or not I want to stay in my career choice.
Xun, I'm getting close to looking up flights to London just to show you a good time.
What exactly feels awful? That you're not meeting women? Or that you just don't feel like you're making any progress self-improvement wise? It's one thing to tell yourself you're going out without any intentions, it's another thing to actually do it. It can be hard to distinguish between the two. Sometimes, I find that being spontaneous really helps to rid myself of expectations. It gives you less time to over-think the night and more time to just go with the flow. Maybe that's what you need? Also, would you consider your circle of friends to be a good group of people? Maybe you need to try hanging around others? Just some thoughts. Regardless, I hope things pick up for you soon. You seem like a cool dude, based off your posts.
Go for it.
Although I'd like to meet some girls, I'm more focused on branching my friends out a bit. That's honestly what I'm aiming to do at the moment, but it isn't easy.
I have a few good friends I'm very grateful to have, but things would certainly be easier with a slightly larger group of close friends to go out with.
Spontaneity could certainly help, but my friends aren't really that spontaneous. Having said that though, I did have a rather spontaneous (and regrettable) experience the other night...
Dude, I read about your fear about getting a full time job in the Unemployed thread. I completely understand your sentiments (my oldest brother has the same fear too; hell, we all have that fear) about not having time to do anything as well as trying to look for contractual work. You seem to be a nice guy to echo what luckyboyceo said, but you have insecurities about life (like everyone does including myself).
Don't ever feel sorry for yourself; that's a mistake that a lot of Negative Nancy's in this thread make. I also know you want to start band.
So what I think you should do is post a couple of realistic goals (e.g. start a band, get into the gym, network with animators in London, host another London GAF meet up, etc.) in the Summer Goals thread by MasterMilk and aspire to do all of them by the end of the summer (give yourself a deadline). I posted my summer goals last year in the thread and did almost all of them (e.g. met up with one chick from Okcupid); it felt pretty satisfying. I'm planning on doing it again and posting my goals soon.
Also, I think you should host another London GAF meet up or at least make that another summer goal like I mentioned above. You guys all looked like you had a great time at the last one (again, Namco Land>>>Coney Island/Luna Park; I've never been to Luna Park, but still), so it would do you some good to host another one. The best thing about meeting Gaffers is that you could potentially make some really good friends and network with people.
Regarding the women situation, don't talk to women with the expectation of getting their number at the end of a conversation, do it for practice. Soultron mentioned a great exercise about talking to women just talk to them and then if you find her interesting, then go for her number. I've been doing the same exact execersise myself; I talk to women just to talk to them and to practice.
So you can do it man. Get rid of the negativity; it's not gonna help you in the long run and it's only going to destroy your self-esteem/confidence. Positivity is the name of the game as this thread suggests.
Good advice.
In regards to speaking with girls, I can't even do that. That's my problem. I solely want to learn how to initiate conversations with people (not just girls), but then my body essentially goes into shutdown. However I am starting to open up a bit thanks to many things Cubsfan23 suggested, but I feel a lot of what I struggle with is far more complex.
Also I've been planning to host another London-GAF meetup, but I'm just trying to get some stuff sorted out first.
It certainly isn't easy organising something like it, but it was a blast.
I hate the bar scene and maybe it isn't for you either. Do something you -enjoy-. If you're coming home feeling awful it's probably not something you enjoy. You have an idea in your head of what you want, but that's -wanting-...
I actually enjoy bars a lot, I just guess my brain latched onto a negative thought that night with the alcohol.
Outside of bars I still aim to go to some classes, but I'm putting that on the back burner for a while until I get some of my shit together first.
Its the alcohol. Alcohol contains some depressive chemicals which cause bad consciousness, guilt, regret and so forth. Its normal to feel down after some heavy drinking.
But keep doing what youre doing. Going out with no intentions is a good way to expand your horizons. I'd recomend - if youre up for it - for you to bring your guitar with you when its sunny weather, go to the inner city or a park, relax on a bench, practice and get inspired while just meditating in peace in an open space. It'll clear your mind and break your comfort zone/threshold even further. It should be good for you.
I do it myself, but replace the guitar with a sketchbook and pencil and its practically the same thing.
I wouldn't mind taking my guitar with me where I go sometimes, and just chill out and play some music. Fact, I may even do that tomorrow.
Alternatively I could very much do what you do and just sketch.
I thought i was the only one who felt like this.
Walking around manhattan durring the summer doesn't help things. Seeing all these girls and woman who i have yet to even kiss is just fucking sad.
Both you and Xun need to focus on stablising your lives first, before you start focusing on those issues. You get too hooked up on finding somebody right away when the roots of conflict mostly lie within yourselves right now.
In other words, work on straightening out your "inner game" first.
I know, and I agree.
I'm honestly not looking for anyone at the moment, I just get frustrated with my brain having an almost instinctual fear of introducing myself to new people (especially to women). This is the biggest hurdle I need to pass.
I was starting to get better and more open in the 2nd year of college, but as I've mentioned something happened to me at the end of that year which shattered my confidence completely (in everything).
Also I've said it before, but I'm not even looking for anything that serious at the moment. I just want a bit of fun, not only because of my lack of experience, but also because I'd rather not deal with someone like a girlfriend at the moment.
(this was from a relationship of five years and I proposed to her in October 2011 and ended in January 2012)
