I thought the debate was whether men would be friends with someone they weren't at all physically attracted to. Women are "allowed" to do whatever they want.
Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
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I thought the debate was whether men would be friends with someone they weren't at all physically attracted to. Women are "allowed" to do whatever they want.
Holy shit, this is what needs to happen right here.
I am TERRIBLE, at meeting new people. I don't even know where to start.
Try finding a club you're interested in. Can be anything really.
Keru_Shiri
Member
I've seen this thrown out a bit, but are there a lot of clubs for post-college age adults? I took up fencing for awhile, and that was a great way to meet folks, but the commute became too much. Are there any good online resources for such a thing? Most of the stuff I've searched for comes up rather barren.
Alright guys, weird question time.
This girl I've just started seeing is pretty distant. She had reserved body language on the first date and she's not the type (that I can tell) that likes to text every day. We were supposed to go out for drinks in less than an hour from now, but she cancelled. She offered a raincheck..but should I ask her about how I've noticed how reserved she is? Its hard for me to tell just how interested she is even though she wants to go out.
This girl I've just started seeing is pretty distant. She had reserved body language on the first date and she's not the type (that I can tell) that likes to text every day. We were supposed to go out for drinks in less than an hour from now, but she cancelled. She offered a raincheck..but should I ask her about how I've noticed how reserved she is? Its hard for me to tell just how interested she is even though she wants to go out.
SquiddyCracker
Banned
Lone_Prodigy
Member
"Most men cannot be just friends with women."
"I can."
"You're an exception. A rare exception."
"I can."
"You're also an exception."
"I can."
"Exception."
"I can."
"...You're in denial."
"I can."
"You're an exception. A rare exception."
"I can."
"You're also an exception."
"I can."
"Exception."
"I can."
"...You're in denial."
SquiddyCracker
Banned
I'm part of à service club for young adults (rotaract) which I think is great. Met tons of great people through it (including my girlfriend), raise money for charity and do all kinds of cool stuff (this summer I had trips to both Moscow and France and a national beach volley tournament).
Sports and volunteering are options as well.
True. Just sent her a message, let's see how it goes.
NihonTiger90
Member
Feeling like I'm about to bail out of conversation with the girl I met this weekend. I just feel like I'm not interesting her at all; we talk and enjoy the conversation and this past weekend went well meeting for the first time in person, but I can't shake this feeling she's just putting up with me because she's too nice to let me down hard all at once.
I'm in no rush to make a move and I'm fine taking a lot of time getting to know her. But something in the back of my head is telling me this is a waste of time and she's not interested despite the daily convos we have. Am I thinking of bailing out too quick? I just don't want to be wasting time if she really isn't interested.
I'm in no rush to make a move and I'm fine taking a lot of time getting to know her. But something in the back of my head is telling me this is a waste of time and she's not interested despite the daily convos we have. Am I thinking of bailing out too quick? I just don't want to be wasting time if she really isn't interested.
SquiddyCracker
Banned
Eh, if you're enjoying the talk, and it kinda looks like she is enjoying it as well, then why bail out?
I'd suggest you try to get more up-front with her, quickest way of finding out if you're just wasting your time.
Kung Fu Grip
Banned
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QgHOquV4lic&feature=related
Take your time. It's an hour long (at least listen to half if your lazy). Then come at me.
Take your time. It's an hour long (at least listen to half if your lazy). Then come at me.
NihonTiger90
Member
I'll try. I feel like, too, that I'm putting too much pressure on myself to always do something awesome. That could be the source of all this, too.
SquiddyCracker
Banned
Sorry, that's a bit too much to dive into blindly.
I'd rather have a list of his points, from what I've gathered:
- It's society's fault that guys have a hard time dating girls
- It's unfair on guys, and women have way too much "power" in society
- Being a heterosexual male is tough
I skipped ahead and he's talking about how men are fixing everything in society, how women assumes guys will fix their cars/computers/problems and aren't appreciative of men.
Sorry, sounds misogynistic.
EDIT: And lol, there we go "So we do them favours, and maybe expect a relationship in return, but women don't care".
"Never in the history of mankind, has a woman's vagina had this much power. They're not gonna let this power go, this will be a fight to the death"
That's about it, not gonna listen to more of that drivel.
SquiddyCracker
Banned
Abort.
NihonTiger90
Member
Yeah, that's Bad News Bears. Bail out of that.
-ImaginaryInsider
Member
I have plenty of married female friends, but only a few single female friends. I've seen too many single girls who use their male friends like surrogate boyfriends, and I avoid girls that have "orbiters".
But youre right, the more female friends you have, the more of her single friends you tend to meet... wish I had figured that out sooner.
Kung Fu Grip
Banned
Yeah, your skipping through trying to find faults. It's not like you were ever going to understand our side of this situation anyway (which they even mention!). You assume it's one reason when it's much bigger than that. Listen to it.
I'm sorry bro but if the message of this video is that women have more power in our society when it comes to dating (at least thats what I gather from these comments) I smell bullshit.
so basically stop doing what the typical guy does. What I've been saying.
women only have too much power if you give them it.
NeOak
Member
This. THIS.
NihonTiger90
Member
So yeah, just heard back from one of the two girls in town I messaged and she's agreed to meet up at a local restaurant; I've never been there and asked her about it, and said it'd be good to go with someone who could help me pick out something good from the menu. Time and date are still being worked out, but this is the first time ever I'll have done two meetings with girls from OKC in such a short time frame.
The other girl I haven't heard from yet. I'll do the usual, give her a week and then fire off a second message. If nothing back after that, cut my losses and move on.
As for the girl I met this weekend, just not gonna worry so much, power on and try to have fun.
The other girl I haven't heard from yet. I'll do the usual, give her a week and then fire off a second message. If nothing back after that, cut my losses and move on.
As for the girl I met this weekend, just not gonna worry so much, power on and try to have fun.
Vermillion
Banned
Quite.
clearacell
Member
Sounds like marriage material to me.
So, gentlemen, the woman-that-didn't-really-want-to-date-and-then-messages-me-some-time-later-wanting-to-go-out-again (?) still "doesn't want to date right now", after the second time of her asking ME out. I've come to the conclusion that she doesn't know what she wants. And it's funny, I'm somehow not even mad in the slightest - life of abundance my friends. "She doesn't know what she is missing out on" and all of that. I definitely won't be there for round three if she tries this again.
On to the next one!
/slight vent
On to the next one!
/slight vent
cornontheCoD
Neo Member
Woah, I think some of you misunderstood what I was saying. It's a difficult feeling to get across, I don't think I'm communicating it effectively. I'm going to carefully reword my point. I don't like talking to most people, partly because of the example you've seen in my posts: I am poor at communicating through spoken or written word. I find small talk boring, and when I say I find most people uninteresting, I do not say that with the pretense that I am more interesting than them. In fact, I would consider myself about average in terms of interesting-ness. I would rather spend my time alone than making small talk with someone I don't find interesting. I don't think anyone needs to impress me, though.
Going out of your way to get to know tons of people takes a lot of small talk with a lot of people, whereas it's a lot quicker if you see/meet someone that you instantly find interesting and try to become friends with that person. This doesn't happen all that often, though, leaving me in my situation. That's all I was saying. I don't think anyone owes me anything.
Bold 1: So you agree with me but do the opposite? You're buckling to social pressure, dude. I like to take action in what I believe, even if it is as something as small as tipping, rather than doing something because people might judge me if I do otherwise.
Bold 2: aren't half of the posts here about how men looking to have a relationship should treat women just like they treat men? I don't try to "conquer" my friends, why should I try to "conquer" a woman I'm interested in?
And man, I would be having casual sex if I knew how I could get any. And no, I'm not talking about prostitutes.
This particular instance was at an Ihop, and I got like $3 of eggs. And good thing no place requires a tip, because by definition a tip isn't required!
And if a woman is going to cut it off with me for something as small as not tipping and doesn't even listen to my reasoning, I wouldn't want to be with her anyway. Better to find that out early.
I don't think the world owes me something special beyond everyone else. There are boring people out there, and there are awesome people out there. Doesn't everyone gravitate towards the people they think are awesome? My way of doing that is well, lazier to be honest. I don't like talking to strangers. I will do it if the situation calls for it, but I'm not good at striking up a conversation with someone I don't know.
And a sociopath? Don't you think that's a little much?
Top of my current post for some clarification. I hope that that changes your response.
Well, you guys gave me a lot to think about. I just didn't think I would come across so much hostility here. I'm going to try to be more open-minded to meeting new people, but just saying "be around women more" doesn't help me on the dating side.
Note: I wrote this post knowing that I need to become better at a lot of things, hoping talking to people about it will help, not to argue. If my posts are argumentative, please let me know.
Going out of your way to get to know tons of people takes a lot of small talk with a lot of people, whereas it's a lot quicker if you see/meet someone that you instantly find interesting and try to become friends with that person. This doesn't happen all that often, though, leaving me in my situation. That's all I was saying. I don't think anyone owes me anything.
Bold 1: So you agree with me but do the opposite? You're buckling to social pressure, dude. I like to take action in what I believe, even if it is as something as small as tipping, rather than doing something because people might judge me if I do otherwise.
Bold 2: aren't half of the posts here about how men looking to have a relationship should treat women just like they treat men? I don't try to "conquer" my friends, why should I try to "conquer" a woman I'm interested in?
And man, I would be having casual sex if I knew how I could get any. And no, I'm not talking about prostitutes.
This particular instance was at an Ihop, and I got like $3 of eggs. And good thing no place requires a tip, because by definition a tip isn't required!
I know, I know. I get what you meant
I don't think the world owes me something special beyond everyone else. There are boring people out there, and there are awesome people out there. Doesn't everyone gravitate towards the people they think are awesome? My way of doing that is well, lazier to be honest. I don't like talking to strangers. I will do it if the situation calls for it, but I'm not good at striking up a conversation with someone I don't know.
And a sociopath? Don't you think that's a little much?
Top of my current post for some clarification. I hope that that changes your response.
Well, you guys gave me a lot to think about. I just didn't think I would come across so much hostility here. I'm going to try to be more open-minded to meeting new people, but just saying "be around women more" doesn't help me on the dating side.
Note: I wrote this post knowing that I need to become better at a lot of things, hoping talking to people about it will help, not to argue. If my posts are argumentative, please let me know.
Anyone going out solo tonight? I guess I have done so 8-10 times over the last couple of months.
My social skills are improving each time and I'm getting more and more comfortable doing so. This will be the first weekend where I will start to go out both Fridays and Saturdays.
Warming up with a cold one back home right now.
My social skills are improving each time and I'm getting more and more comfortable doing so. This will be the first weekend where I will start to go out both Fridays and Saturdays.
Warming up with a cold one back home right now.
Jo Shishido's Cheeks
Member
I must admit the post you quoted did make me laugh a little.
You have an inflated-sense-of-self (it's true, you do) and refuse to tip.
These two things most definitely do not make you a sociopath.
It's ludicrous and rather insulting to suggest so.
I am interested in how you can ascertain how interesting somebody may be without making small talk with them however?
Congrats to you sir. I really need to start stepping out my comfort zone and build up a social circle. I'm turning 25 this month. And my social circle sucks. I recently moved out of my Mom's house and rooming with my cousin and a friend. They both have strong social circles. So there is no reason for me to complain. I got off every other weekend. It's time for me to enjoy life and meet these ladies that I have been ignoring.
Leggo...!
Keru_Shiri
Member
Does anyone else have trouble making it to the 2nd date? Even when I do manage to meet someone on okcupid, it never seems to go anywhere.
Thanks. I'll definitely check into Rotaract, once I get another vehicle.
Kung Fu Grip
Banned
It's not only about that. Stop focusing on one thing an actually listen to it.
One point that was made is the ugly to average looking guys have zero chance out there because not even the girls in the same class as them want them. They want something better, and they get it. Those guys can't get 10's and they can't get 5's, so what are they to do? Date a dog??????? Shit is crazy out there.
I went out by myself for the first time on wednesday night. I went to the movies to see TDKR. I was always nervous to do that cause i know i would get looks, and i did, it felt awkward. I don't get when girls look at you for going to movies alone, obviously i have no one to go with and it's not like you would've went with me.
Where are you going this weekend?
Well, tonight wasn't really my night. Didn't have proper energy which affected my conversations. Talked to a couple of sets of girls but I wasn't able to make it properly engaging. I saw one of the girls checking me after I had parted but that was the only pulse.
Sitting in the taxi now omw home. Going out again tonight though.
Edit: not many people out in Melbourne chapel street today due to winter anyways. A couple of half-filled clubs and rest empty.
Sitting in the taxi now omw home. Going out again tonight though.
Edit: not many people out in Melbourne chapel street today due to winter anyways. A couple of half-filled clubs and rest empty.
One group consisted of two sisters and a friend (all housemates). They weren't really drinking and conversation had to be pressed so yeah...
First group was three europeans (I'm also European visiting Australia which made us have something in common). One lady from Netherlands, one from Germany and one from Switzerland or something. The lady from NL was checking me out later and averted her eyes when I caught on. Her english was pretty bad though and it took effort to have just normal conversation. I was planning to rebound but they had disappeared.
edit: Nice to be going out twice though, weekend is not over.
First group was three europeans (I'm also European visiting Australia which made us have something in common). One lady from Netherlands, one from Germany and one from Switzerland or something. The lady from NL was checking me out later and averted her eyes when I caught on. Her english was pretty bad though and it took effort to have just normal conversation. I was planning to rebound but they had disappeared.
edit: Nice to be going out twice though, weekend is not over.
Howard Ballou
Member
I'd say it's more likely that this self-defeating attitude is holding them back than their looks.
SquiddyCracker
Banned
That's a terrible point.
I also heard them talking about how they always see good looking guys out there with ugly to average looking broads.
What kinda generalizing bullshit is that?
To start with, attractiveness is subjective and in the eye of the beholder, so what they're talking about is seeing guys they think look attractive with gals they don't think look attractive.
Even we agree on there being a general attractiveness "scale" that most people agree upon, unless you are rich/powerful/socially desirable, it's the good looking guys that end up pulling the good looking gals.
So how do the ugly to average looking gals get it together with guys "above their league" when all the attractive guys get it together with attractive gals?
No, what I think is really the case is that these "ugly to average looking" guys have a warped view of attractiveness and what they deserve, and don't realize what a girl in "their league" looks like.
Then again, this whole dividing people up in different attractiveness levels is a bunch of simplification as well. People get it together because they like each other most of the time, and I can understand why no one would like to date someone who constantly whines about women, society, and what they really deserves.
shanshan310
Member
Basically this.
I don't think 'in your league' necessarily has much to do with looks, but refers more to someone you have a lot in common with.
So petty, yet feels so good.
ConradCervantes
Banned
That always feels nice, doesn't it? The best is when they come back and complain to you how they were treated.
I went to her facebook and it was all those "You moved on so quickly, it was like I never existed" and all that crap. I bust out laughing when I saw that.
That's a really defeatist perception of reality. Not sure if you're arguing for or against the video... For one thing the others are saying the 10's only think they're 10's because of how men have treated them, and that's 100% true.
But beyond that, very fucking few people really rate themselves in their own heads, and most people have a lot of insecurities. Also, people have different preferences in an ideal mate. My 9 might be your 4, and vice versa. In fact, that's probably true.
Lots of girls and guys think they're hot shit in their own heads and sometimes it's true within some realm of rationality, but it doesn't convert into the way relationships work so directly.
In reality the real value of a person is much more complex than attractiveness. Did the girl make some dumb decisions and now has 3 kids and now needs money? Is that guy likely to die in a dare? Is he a kind and giving person? Is she interested in the same stuff?
Even when it comes to casual sex most women want some very basic emotional connection, in my experience.
Honestly, your posts made me angry because of how selfish you sounded (the tipping thing to start things off) and to me you sounded like a sociopath. In text you really have to look at how you read/sound. We all have our quirks and sometimes it's more grating than other times. But seriously think about how you're perceived by others, because it does matter.
I know some people that are like 'the world should change for me, I don't want to change', but those people also, like you, have unrealistic standards of how they deserve to be treated. In turn, they don't get treated the way they want, they treat others like crap, and they're fucking miserable most of the time. Really, this only works if you're obviously hot shit (rich, extremely attractive) and people can realistically assume you have a lot to offer but you're stingy with it. Dudes like the people I know that do this just come off as bitter.
I could go on and on about giving & taking and the odds of getting laid or a relationship with this or that methodology, but if you give too much or don't give enough people are going to not value you as much.
I had a bunch of those early on, and still encounter them occasionally. Just remember the 1st date is when people find out what the other person is really like, you don't know that much talking online. If you're nervous because you're starting out and such you won't do as well early on, just keep at it.
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