Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy

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GAF, Advice needed!

So theres this girl I kinda know through some friends, we always dance together at partys and stuff but nothing ever happens. So today I run into her and a female friend of mine in the mall. They ask me if I'm going out tonight, I say I hadn't been planning on it and they both say I should definitely go, the girl I kinda know says its several times that I should go. Lots of eye contact too.

So later on, a few of my buddys ask me to go out too, I figure I've nothing to lose, no Uni till 1 tomorrow afternoon. So I write to the girl on FB (Don't have her number) and ask if she's still going out, she says she is and then states that I better be there.

Fast forward to the party tonight, we're standing with some friends and a good song comes on so I start dancing a little, she immediately joins in with me and then pulls me onto the dance floor. We're dancing for a while and getting closer. Literally as close as we can be to kissing without out actually kissing and then she pulls back and just kinda smiles at me, but keeps dancing with me, we're holding hands and everything. Same again then, close to kissing and she just pulls back and and looks at me and says "You can do better". I'm pretty stunned at this cuz I think she's damn sexy. I hadn't a clue how to react, there was no point talking cuz the drop in the song came and any conversation would have been lost.

Then for the rest of the night she was just kinda not looking at me and kinda half avoiding me, she'd always be with a friend when I was around. Just wondering what was up with her? Why the change of heart? She seemed so into me and then she told I could do better and preceded to practically ignore me! Whats up?

She either just wants to play games or she wants you to pursue her. The question is: are you the type to pursue, and do you feel like giving chase?
 
Was going to ask cute choir girl out after rehearsal but my friend made Valentine's Day plans with her first. lolololol. Lesson: don't hesitate if a cute girl is single.

It would be bad form to call her later this week to ask her out for the weekend, no?
 
Was going to ask cute choir girl out after rehearsal but my friend made Valentine's Day plans with her first. lolololol. Lesson: don't hesitate if a cute girl is single.

It would be bad form to call her later this week to ask her out for the weekend, no?

C'mon, son. You snoozed, you lose.

Even if your friend flops, that girl's off limits to you until you talk to him and ask his express permission. Well, if this guy's close to you and you operate on honour and such.
 
Also, I imagine this girl must be really submissive and freaky in bed too. I bet she'll be into some raw domination. Girls that commonly, display nervous body language i.e nervously laughing, clumsy, acting overly nice, slight stutter, "uhm.."-ing alot etc. etc. most of the time indicates they adore being dominated in one form or the other.
You have a quite adorable stereotype in there. If I may, I would like to say that clumsyness, friendliness, nervous laughing or anything like that has most likely nothing to do with females preferences in bed.

For example I am not at all that clumpsy, I don't laugh nervously, I don't stutter, I am actually pretty far for being overly nice or basicly anything with those lines, and yet, still, I generally do like to be totally dominated in bed. Of course variation is appreciated and taking is fun as well, but it is generally very pleasing. Yet my friends who would actually fit in your description aren't like that at all.
 
You do realize you left that answer open.
-Hahah. It was just totally you, I am a horrid academic boring douche. ;)
-Hahah. It was totally a joke.
Yes I am aware. And that option is totally me.

To me it is over 5 am. What is your excuse?
I have an acute case of love induced dumbass-ery

OK, back to work

GAF, Advice needed!

So theres this girl I kinda know through some friends, we always dance together at partys and stuff but nothing ever happens. So today I run into her and a female friend of mine in the mall. They ask me if I'm going out tonight, I say I hadn't been planning on it and they both say I should definitely go, the girl I kinda know says its several times that I should go. Lots of eye contact too.

So later on, a few of my buddys ask me to go out too, I figure I've nothing to lose, no Uni till 1 tomorrow afternoon. So I write to the girl on FB (Don't have her number) and ask if she's still going out, she says she is and then states that I better be there.

Fast forward to the party tonight, we're standing with some friends and a good song comes on so I start dancing a little, she immediately joins in with me and then pulls me onto the dance floor. We're dancing for a while and getting closer. Literally as close as we can be to kissing without out actually kissing and then she pulls back and just kinda smiles at me, but keeps dancing with me, we're holding hands and everything. Same again then, close to kissing and she just pulls back and and looks at me and says "You can do better". I'm pretty stunned at this cuz I think she's damn sexy. I hadn't a clue how to react, there was no point talking cuz the drop in the song came and any conversation would have been lost.

Then for the rest of the night she was just kinda not looking at me and kinda half avoiding me, she'd always be with a friend when I was around. Just wondering what was up with her? Why the change of heart? She seemed so into me and then she told I could do better and preceded to practically ignore me! Whats up?

She just owned you like a kid. You proved no challenge, no passion or fun. She got you dancing, she led the dance and you just let her control the ride. I am sorry, that's not sexy for a girl at all. You should have taken charge, say something like "OK enough dancing, let's get to know each other" or something like that. She told you you could do better because you already failed.

Oh I am. Thing is I am still living in the town I went to school in. I have one of my best friends, and my brother still in town, but everyone else has moved away. My best friend is married and we're all really good friends but they don't go out to bars or anywhere like that. I get out around town, and am very friendly, I just haven't ran into any girl that has given me the light of day. Frustrating for sure, I just don't get why I haven't met one interested yet.
There is just not enough girls. I would just keep talking to people even though you are not interested in them, you never know who might have a cool daughter in dire need of getting a boyfriend

Was going to ask cute choir girl out after rehearsal but my friend made Valentine's Day plans with her first. lolololol. Lesson: don't hesitate if a cute girl is single.

It would be bad form to call her later this week to ask her out for the weekend, no?
Lost your chance right now, bro. Don't ask until two weeks have passed, let the bro crash his game, then it's your turn

To shorten a long story - I met a girl at an after-party thing (I was drunk and she was sober), and she ended up asking for my number, so I gave it to her. I went to text her once, and she seemed interested or whatever, but, damn my awkwardness, I couldn't think of anything meaningful to say. And I'm not even sure if I'm interested in this girl, but then again, I don't know her.

So I haven't texted her in a while, and now whenever we see each other on the street (what's the point of a big campus, really), we don't say anything or do anything past the initial noticing of each other. It's awkward as fuck and I feel terrible.

This was, for the record, last semester. What should/can I do?
You need to learn to ask questions: "How do you feel about that class? Are you seriously going on hiking? No way you are from that state, how is it? when are you coming back? Will you take me? no? Then I will go on my own, no biggie"

For example I am not at all that clumpsy, I don't laugh nervously, I don't stutter, I am actually pretty far for being overly nice or basicly anything with those lines, and yet, still, I generally do like to be totally dominated in bed. Of course variation is appreciated and taking is fun as well, but it is generally very pleasing. Yet my friends who would actually fit in your description aren't like that at all.
taking notes
 
Yet another reason why you shouldn't wait to ask a girl out for Valentine's day. Some other dude has the same plan, and he's smarter/bolder than you because he's going to nut up and ask sooner rather than later.

Just like it's not good to wait to break up, it's not good to wait to ask a girl out if you feel it right then and there. You don't want to be with a girl any longer? Break up with her ASAP. You owe her that. Find a girl (who you think is read for dating; not terminally ill, getting over a bad break up, etc.) attractive? Ask her out ASAP. You owe it to yourself.
 
Yet another reason why you shouldn't wait to ask a girl out for Valentine's day. Some other dude has the same plan, and he's smarter/bolder than you because he's going to nut up and ask sooner rather than later.

Just like it's not good to wait to break up, it's not good to wait to ask a girl out if you feel it right then and there. You don't want to be with a girl any longer? Break up with her ASAP. You owe her that. Find a girl (who you think is read for dating; not terminally ill, getting over a bad break up, etc.) attractive? Ask her out ASAP. You owe it to yourself.

Yeah, it's really infuriating too when you can't find the person you're trying to ask by then too. x_x
 
where's she at on Sunday usually?

I have no idea, I've only known of her existence since Wednesday. All I have is a name and a Facebook page that barely tells me anything. She wasn't working today, so that fell flat on it's face. I might go buy Rhythm Heaven Fever from that same store tomorrow though, so there's still hope I guess.
 
Yeah, it's really infuriating too when you can't find the person you're trying to ask by then too. x_x

Yeah, this too. You might never see someone ever again unless you met at your/their work/church/school/etc.

So seize the opportunity or watch it slip through your fingers like sand.

:lol @ "buddy pass"
 
Did you ask for her?

I suppose I could try that, although I'm not sure which department she works in, if she sticks to just one (the store is a Target, one of the fancier ones that has a Starbucks and everything, my friend works at that Starbucks). Also my friend has no idea when she works next.
 
Yet another reason why you shouldn't wait to ask a girl out for Valentine's day. Some other dude has the same plan, and he's smarter/bolder than you because he's going to nut up and ask sooner rather than later.

Just like it's not good to wait to break up, it's not good to wait to ask a girl out if you feel it right then and there. You don't want to be with a girl any longer? Break up with her ASAP. You owe her that. Find a girl (who you think is read for dating; not terminally ill, getting over a bad break up, etc.) attractive? Ask her out ASAP. You owe it to yourself.
I agree, always ask a girl out if you have even slightest idea she could be awesome. Even if she would say no, she would still think you are absolutely a darling for even asking and it would made her day. Also it can turn out well and you could be a really lucky lad.

I don't get this whole thrill around Valentine's day btw. Are people seriously thinking it is that big of a deal? In here it is like all friends' day and it is totally fine to hang around with your best friends and for example play videogames or go eat together. I have been perfectly happy my whole life without never stressing about some commercial made-up day.
 
I suppose I could try that, although I'm not sure which department she works in, if she sticks to just one (the store is a Target, one of the fancier ones that has a Starbucks and everything, my friend works at that Starbucks). Also my friend has no idea when she works next.
I say ask around. What have you got to lose? Just don't be like "BITCH you tell me where that chick at cause I needs her so much" and you'll be fine
 
You have a quite adorable stereotype in there. If I may, I would like to say that clumsyness, friendliness, nervous laughing or anything like that has most likely nothing to do with females preferences in bed.

For example I am not at all that clumpsy, I don't laugh nervously, I don't stutter, I am actually pretty far for being overly nice or basicly anything with those lines, and yet, still, I generally do like to be totally dominated in bed. Of course variation is appreciated and taking is fun as well, but it is generally very pleasing. Yet my friends who would actually fit in your description aren't like that at all.

I appreciate taking your time posting this.

Youre going further proving my point though. What I described were raw examples, and put emphasis on examples. It may not mean exactly interest from the get-go or much at start, but if you begin to attract a girl varied indicators of her attraction to you will begin to surface. It all depends on the scenario. Being that I have dated many women/girls, I'd know the difference between intimidation, disinterest and attraction.

Despite this, most girls/women I do imagine have fantasies about subcumbing to a man in one way or the other. It may not be through direct domination, but when a man doesnt take the lead, or show some guidance in some way its usually a turn off.

Generalisation is the last thing I do, in fact I keep a very open mind. And if you dont identify yourself with any of these, then I understand. Largely its individual.

But then again, who said these examples were framed to describe your sexual tendency?
 
Eh, I mean if you enjoy drinking coffee or writing go for it, but I'd really advise you to go out with friends.

As mentioned, that's a bit harder as my good friend and his wife don't go out much. My brother does, he's still in college, so that's not bad time to time. Who knows.
 
As mentioned, that's a bit harder as my good friend and his wife don't go out much. My brother does, he's still in college, so that's not bad time to time. Who knows.

Do something to expand your friend network first. Visit the OT2 for suggestions. (It's linked in the OP of this thread.)
 
I appreciate taking your time posting this.

Youre going further proving my point though. What I described were raw examples, and put emphasis on examples. It may not mean exactly interest from the get-go or much at start, but if you begin to attract a girl varied indicators of her attraction to you will begin to surface. It all depends on the scenario. Being that I have dated many women/girls, I'd know the difference between intimidation and attraction.

Despite this, most girls/women I do imagine have fantasies about succumbing to a man in one way or the other. It may not be through direct domination, but when a man doesnt take the lead, or show some guidance in some way its usually a turn off.

Generalisation is the last thing I do, in fact I keep a very open mind. And if you dont identify yourself with any of these, then I understand. Largely its individual.

But then again, who said these examples were framed to desrcibe your sexual tendency?
I understand the nature of our examples as just examples, but you were making quite far conclusions based on very little information about that said girl. I just wanted to point out, that those conclusions aren't every time the case. You were giving to lads, who may not all be as experienced as you, this kind of information and some of them may fail to see it as an only example. I just wanted to save them for possible future disappointments.

So like you said, keeping an open mind and not doing generalisations will carry one far.
 
I understand the nature of our examples as just examples, but you were making quite far conclusions based on very little information about that said girl. I just wanted to point out, that those conclusions aren't every time the case. You were giving to lads, who may not all be as experienced as you, this kind of information and some of them may fail to see it as an only example. I just wanted to save them for possible future disappointments.

So like you said, keeping an open mind and not doing generalisations will carry one far.

Probably one of my favorite sentences in the english language. All pleasure centers.

Im pretty freaky, and very curious sexually. But not bisexual. I tried, but that just isnt me. Still have many fantasies left unexplored though.

Glad you put a big emphasis on being openminded. We ought to have more people like that these days.
 
Hey guys I have a very abstract girl problem....

This girl hit on me one night and basically hooked up with me. We hooked up a second night. She's batshit crazy.

She won't leave me alone and she keeps texting me. She said I make her the happiest she's ever been and that I was basically the best fuck she ever had.

It's like she's addicted to me or something she's sending me voicemails where she's crying for me and it's sort of overbearing.....

I threatened to block her number but she threatened suicide....

She's been in a mental ward in the past before and I had no idea.

I don't know what to do.....
 
Hey guys I have a very abstract girl problem....

This girl hit on me one night and basically hooked up with me. We hooked up a second night. She's batshit crazy.

She won't leave me alone and she keeps texting me. She said I make her the happiest she's ever been and that I was basically the best fuck she ever had.

It's like she's addicted to me or something she's sending me voicemails where she's crying for me and it's sort of overbearing.....

I threatened to block her number but she threatened suicide....

She's been in a mental ward in the past before and I had no idea.

I don't know what to do.....

She on Facebook? Find her family through that maybe?
 
Hey guys I have a very abstract girl problem....

This girl hit on me one night and basically hooked up with me. We hooked up a second night. She's batshit crazy.

She won't leave me alone and she keeps texting me. She said I make her the happiest she's ever been and that I was basically the best fuck she ever had.

It's like she's addicted to me or something she's sending me voicemails where she's crying for me and it's sort of overbearing.....

I threatened to block her number but she threatened suicide....

She's been in a mental ward in the past before and I had no idea.

I don't know what to do.....

Call her bluff. If she doesn't care about her own life to flush it down the drain over a hookup, then why should you?
 
I threatened to block her number but she threatened suicide....

She's been in a mental ward in the past before and I had no idea.

I don't know what to do.....
If I would be you, I would just inform her that what ever it was is over, get some help and then block her out of my life. I would think she is someone else's problem, not mine. But then again, I am not a nice lad, like you might be.

taking notes
That sounds academic and smart, if you think you will need that kind of information for future references.

Probably one of my favorite sentences in the english language. All pleasure centers.

Glad you put a big emphasis on being openminded. We ought to have more people like that these days.
I heartily agree with all of the above. <3
 
If women are going for those pieces of shit that's a bigger endorsement than the shit coming out of their mouths.

I dont even...

Look, Ive been really showing alot of patience towards your negative posts, but I think youve finally made it to be the first VIP on my ignore list with your most recent posts. And thats quite a honor.

Hopefully I'll never come across someone as negative as you in reality. It'd drain me of all my positive energy and mental health.
 
I'm just concerned because I only met her two days ago.....

She keeps trying to communicate. I may have to completely block her out of my life. I just hope I won't have to get a restraining order or something....
 
I dont even...

Look, Ive been really showing alot of patience towards your negative posts, but I think youve finally made it to be the first VIP on my ignore list with your most recent posts. And thats quite a honor.

Hopefully I'll never come across someone as negative as you in reality. It'd drain me of all my positive energy.

Are you serious with this shit? Are you guys actually endorsing the crap coming out of these guys mouths? This is the fucking twilight zone right here. You are fucking insane.
 
I'm just concerned because I only met her two days ago.....

She keeps trying to communicate. I may have to completely block her out of my life. I just hope I won't have to get a restraining order or something....

She will move on, don't worry. She is just like kinggii
 
Are you serious with this shit? Are you guys actually endorsing the crap coming out of these guys mouths? This is the fucking twilight zone right here. You are fucking insane.
Come on lads lets show some love and understanding.

I am sure we can all tolerate each other and be civiliced towards one another.
 
Come on lads lets show some love and understanding.

I am sure we can all tolerate each other and be civiliced towards one another.

It's a little different now that we have folk in this thread who are actually endorsing new lows for the male race about how we all need to grab bitches wrists and smack them around a little for some fun time in the ghetto.
 
I thought I fucked things up with this girl I met and hooked up with on a ski trip a few weeks ago.

I asked her to lunch, a few days after the trip, she didn't sound too excited, we haven't talked since then. She just texted me, "Hey! Have a random text of the night." Is she showing interest or is this just a weird trend or something? I'm not sure how to respond, or if I even should.

I'd like to hook up with her again and see if anything happens but its not like she's my primary interest right now.
 
I'm in a complicated situation with a girl atm and I guess it'd be nice to get some perspective on it since it's something I can't really talk to any of my friends about. Basically this girl who I've been good friends with for two years decided that she had feelings for me and of course prudence isn't a trait of people with romantic feelings so she thought wise to tell me. Fast forward some time (to today) and we are both developing strong feelings for one another. The problem? She's got an extreme phobia of relationships due to anxiety-inducing obsessive tendencies that arise when she's in love with someone (yes, it's diagnostic of a certain psychological disorder). It's only happened once before but she knows (and I know, based on the characteristics of the disorder) that it will happen again if we date. She says she hopes time and therapy will sort her issues out. They may eventually, but that's not something I can just wait around for. So now I'm kinda stuck in a shitty place. Lose one of the best friendships I've had in my life (because if we continue to hang out, "date", cuddle, etc. feelings will never dissipate) or continue to do this dance and live on a hope and a prayer.
 
I thought I fucked things up with this girl I met and hooked up with on a ski trip a few weeks ago.

I asked her to lunch, a few days after the trip, she didn't sound too excited, we haven't talked since then. She just texted me, "Hey! Have a random text of the night." Is she showing interest or is this just a weird trend or something? I'm not sure how to respond, or if I even should.

Could be wanting attention but you never know. Why not try your luck? You have nothing to lose.
 
I thought I fucked things up with this girl I met and hooked up with on a ski trip a few weeks ago.

I asked her to lunch, a few days after the trip, she didn't sound too excited, we haven't talked since then. She just texted me, "Hey! Have a random text of the night." Is she showing interest or is this just a weird trend or something? I'm not sure how to respond, or if I even should.

I'd like to hook up with her again and see if anything happens but its not like she's my primary interest right now.
More information is needed from her so I would just answer:
"Hey!"
3 minutes
"So how you been?"

And then wait on her

I'm in a complicated situation with a girl atm and I guess it'd be nice to get some perspective on it since it's something I can't really talk to any of my friends about. Basically this girl who I've been good friends with for two years decided that she had feelings for me and of course prudence isn't a trait of people with romantic feelings so she thought wise to tell me. Fast forward some time (to today) and we are both developing strong feelings for one another. The problem? She's got an extreme phobia of relationships due to anxiety-inducing obsessive tendencies that arise when she's in love with someone (yes, it's diagnostic of a certain psychological disorder). It's only happened once before but she knows (and I know, based on the characteristics of the disorder) that it will happen again if we date. She says she hopes time and therapy will sort her issues out. They may eventually, but that's not something I can just wait around for. So now I'm kinda stuck in a shitty place. Lose one of the best friendships I've had in my life (because if we continue to hang out, "date", cuddle, etc. feelings will never dissipate) or continue to do this dance and live on a hope and a prayer.

I say, do not wait on her. She is not ready for serious dating and if you want that, I see that as an impasse
 
Could be wanting attention but you never know. Why not try your luck? You have nothing to lose.
I think she was just wanting some fun past time during a ski trip, but like Soultron said, it doesn't hurt to try.

And ~Kinggi~, calm down darling. Worries and negativity are like babies and they all tend to grow if you care about them.
 
I thought I fucked things up with this girl I met and hooked up with on a ski trip a few weeks ago.

I asked her to lunch, a few days after the trip, she didn't sound too excited, we haven't talked since then. She just texted me, "Hey! Have a random text of the night." Is she showing interest or is this just a weird trend or something? I'm not sure how to respond, or if I even should.

I'd like to hook up with her again and see if anything happens but its not like she's my primary interest right now.

Could be wanting attention but you never know. Why not try your luck? You have nothing to lose.

Probably the lovely influence of alcohol. Thats a very vague text. Most likely nothing. Just ignore it.
 
Probably the lovely influence of alcohol. Thats a very vague text. Most likely nothing. Just ignore it.

Nothing to lose. I'd say go for it but know that she could be fishing for attention. If he's feeling it, set up a date. If not, or if she flakes, then what have you lost if you went into it knowing she might flake out in the first place? Like he said, he has other focuses right now anyway, so he won't be putting all of his eggs in this basket. Just my thoughts.
 
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