Bucket-o-roadkill
Member
Are you only trying to talk to women you are already friends with? That will usually end in a nice Friend Zone Vacation.
I'm afraid not, every single one of them weren't friends previously. Lol
Are you only trying to talk to women you are already friends with? That will usually end in a nice Friend Zone Vacation.
I'm afraid not, every single one of them weren't friends previously. Lol
I forgot to mention that after the story I told earlier, I texted my friend that had walked up to talk to me when that happened. I basically said "God dammit, I was planning on pulling something like that other guy did." She thought that other guy was annoying. I'm not banking on this, but I'm kind of hoping they don't get along and I get another chance at this. It will be obvious since they are in the same class with me.
You need to be more aggressive. What is your current plan of action?
I think I agree with that, I've not really gone into things both feet first and perhaps they can sense that. After my previous ex, I've been really wary of getting in too deep and getting hurt. I need to wait and make sure someone is worth the risk before trying this shit again I guess.
I am sure many people will come and thank you for this one.Though I'll note that eye contact is more likely to seem creepy (i.e. unnatural) if it's accompanied by low-status signals.
Back when I was a student at university, I took an improv class. One of the most useful things I got out of it was a list of high-status and low-status characteristics, for use in creating characters for improv scenes. Turned out to be pretty helpful for real life, too.
I played around a lot with these things, just walking around campus. Some general rules are that mixed high- and low-status signals often come off as weird or creepy, that high-status signals mixed with neutral come off weakened, as you'd expect, and that getting into status one-upmanship invites conflict, especially if you're not quite selling it. Oh, and that this stuff works enormously better with strangers--friends and people you know can be damn resistant to attempted changes in status, and are likely to subconsciously fight back.
High-status characteristics are mostly about confidence and having a large personal space:
-feet in a broad stance, shoulders back
-no defensive body language
-high eye-level (i.e. looking towards other people's heads or beyond rather than at your feet)
-economy of motion
-comfortable making physical contact with people
-decisive, willing to make decisions for others
-and of course, making and holding eye contact
Low-status characteristics are mostly about seeming small and invisible, or harmless:
-feet close together, shoulders hunched
-crossed arms, crossed legs, touching your own face
-low eye-level
-fidgeting
-avoid initiating physical contact
-look to others for permission or instructions
-avoid holding eye contact
I don't think this is a complete list, but it's what comes to mind. The important take-away isn't that you must adopt all the high-status characteristics, but that you should avoid the low-status ones.
Though do experiment with high status, it's fun. I've found that it's much easier to move through crowds using high status--shoulders back, long, evenly-paced strides, looking past the people walking towards you. Like, people get out of your way. Good times.
As long as they don't look like they ate a rat (don't know why the saying is popular, I love rats), you are ok
When youre out approach girls you're not attracted to, introduce yourself, say hi whatever. Approach guys, say hi and whatever. Get your social ball rolling, be friendly and socialable with everyone. After doing this to start off your night your social confidence that night will be in beast mode.
Low-status characteristics are mostly about seeming small and invisible, or harmless:
-crossed arms, crossed legs, touching your own face
-fidgeting
-avoid initiating physical contact
-avoid holding eye contact
Well today I had my first friend zone/rejection of 2012, one and a half months into the year. Fml
Considering I had 5 last year this isn't a great start, thats a record I dont want to break. Bummer.
Game's gone gold.
Reviewers have it, confirmed from Todd Batty.
Oh man, I'm slowly starting to digg the singer girl. She is funny and so happy all the time, her laugh is fantastic. She's been to my place three times already and everytime I'm surprised how comfortable I am and how much fun I'm having. I could instantly make this into a relationship since she seems to be crazy about me.
She is a lot younger than me, but seems pretty mature. Guess I'll be seeing her and see how this developes, but not rushing into anything.
Going out with my ex tomorrow. It's pretty weird were at this situation, but I'm somewhat relieved. I can enjoy her company without the drama and problems.
Life is pretty stress free at the moment, I feel like I'm having the best years of my life.
Bail early from the birthday party = 11p-12a. It's a good friend I'm not missing her birthday over a date i am just setting up. I've already told her Friday doesn't work so she's not expecting me. Depending how the birthday is going i might text her and see what's up.Go to the birthday party first and don't show up too early. It shows you have other (social) things to do and are not running after her like a puppy.
Man I've been out of the loop for so long I almost forgot how to talk to girls god damn. Talked to this really cute chick at one of my classes as we left class. She seemed like in a hurry or not so much hurry but had something to do. As she was walking away I just called out her name so she would turn and wait for me. Just started talking about shit from class, complimenting her work etc, stuff that happened in class and asked her what her major was since I thought she was from a specific major because of her amazing work but turns out she's from something totally unrelated. Anyways didn't have much time to talk because it was only from the class room to the parking lot and we had to part ways there. She seemed nice and all just not enough time to really do much or notice much. I shall see as time goes by, gotta talk more to her.
Well that was pretty cool.
After finishing my midterm this one cute girl in my class was waiting outside the room. We've briefly talked before, nothing major. Anyways, she notices me and we start chatting about how the test went. We kept chatting and next thing I know we've been standing in the hall talking for 30 mins. I got to learn a little bit about her (couple of things she likes, what her major is, basic stuff) and the best part was that I was acting cool the whole time. Wasn't nervous or shy at all. Even made her laugh a couple of times. Feels good man. She then said she had to go, so we parted ways. Needless to say, I'm looking forward to that class more often now.
Please do come off strong and ask her out on a proper date. Up the physical contact tenfoldI just don't want to come off too strong and ending up creeping her out or scaring her off. Bleh. Don't know what to do next or where I stand.
So don't act like a dog does to another dog, act like a cat does to it's owner, gotcha.-don't give total body language to a girl right away. as in just move your head towards her to say hi, face your body towards her only after she turns her body towards you first.
Low-status characteristics are mostly about seeming small and invisible, or harmless:
-feet close together, shoulders hunched
-crossed arms, crossed legs, touching your own face
-low eye-level
-fidgeting
-avoid initiating physical contact
-look to others for permission or instructions
-avoid holding eye contact
There's this really cute girl in my class that happens to have the same major as me, and we have been in three classes together. We have worked in group projects before, and we have exchanged numbers to communicate with group projects.
Today, she asked me if I could help her out with the homework that neither of us had done, and I agreed. We got some coffee and suggested we have lunch as we do our work because she has four classes in a row and we were both skipping out on our class to do this work. We struck up a casual conversation about where she works and exercising and stuff.
I think I realized about a few weeks ago that I'm interested in her, but I don't know what kind of chance I'll have. I decided that nothing ventured, nothing gained, and said fuck it. After we had our last class together I sent her a text thanking her for today and hanging out with her made my not so great week so much better.
I don't know if she has a boyfriend, so I want to go for it. I just don't want to come off too strong and ending up creeping her out or scaring her off. Bleh. Don't know what to do next or where I stand.
You only had 5 rejections last year? You need to get rejected more often. I'm being serious.
i would feel creepier sending that text vs a 'hey, today was fun. lets do it again, minus the school work. does thursday night drinks work for you?'
saying that having a platonic working lunch made your entire week better makes you seem desperate and like you have no other options in the female department, imo.
Agreed. Texting is cowardly. Go up and talk to her, confident and friendly, and ask her if she's doing something on X day and would like to grab a drink.
Aaahhh god damn it. I already fucked it up!
I can TOTALLY see what you did wrong from your post...
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:|
Aaahhh god damn it. I already fucked it up!
I tried the eye contact thing about twenty minutes ago. It was weird. I made a joke, and she laughed, but I don't know if she laughed cause she found it amusing or because she's the check-out girl and she has to placate the customer's crappy joke.
Just reading the responses made me realize my stupid text mistake and may have ended up creeping her out unintentionally.I can TOTALLY see what you did wrong from your post...
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.
.
:|
Just reading the responses made me realize my stupid text mistake and may have ended up creeping her out unintentionally.
Oh well. Damage is done, will be more direct next time I see her.
You both have to ask them out:
"You are cool, I'm gonna get pancakes, wanna come with me?"
lol what, you should already be making eye contact with cashiers and such...
Ha. You and your pancakes.
Anyway this girl who told me she's dealing with a bunch of shit in her life texted me this novel running in circles, telling me she loves that we have fun together and that I take an interest in her life (amazing how much you surprise them by listening to what they say and remembering it) blah blah blah I did nothing wrong, it's all her and other crap.. Kind of annoying really...
Why cant she just be upfront and honest without sugar coating it with bs? Not getting involved and I'm letting things be now, but it kind of just caught me off guard with this out of the blue novel she sent me whilst I was at work.
It would be hilarious if you were like:
[lengthy thesis about our friendship]
Notrollious: "mmm yeah, so I'm hungry, up for a hotdog?"
Forget about the looks. Yeah, a neckbeard looks really stupid and it's hard to pull off. But with some confidence and a lot of inner work, it wouldn't hold anyone back. I'm not saying you should keep it, but I'm saying the root problem isn't with facial hair. The fact that you feel embarrassed over everything you've written is a good thing. I interpret that as you're learning new things and are changing in some way. Into what, I don't know. But change is rarely a bad thing. Feeling comfortable and too comfortable with a look, style or whatever is thin line we all walk in life. If you truly don't know much about women and/or socializing, I suggest you start reading up on these subjects. Please try your hardest to keep an open mind, for the simple reason that what you've been doing have probably been working pretty poorly. Thus, the opposite should work wonders, right? You don't have to agree with the stuff that PUA teaches, it's not required. It is however new information and I think that's exactly what you need. Attitude wise, I see an older self in certain things you say, and guess what, you need to let go of these firm beliefs. A lot of them are only there because "they should be".The last couple of pages are rather embarrassing for me to look at, to say the least. I think that's what happens when two radically different belief systems clash in one thread. And honestly, until I posted in here, I was proud of the way I looked. It's not that I don't care about myself, but I genuinely feel comfortable with my "punk" look. That said, I can and will make some adjustments and improvements.
Why would I need to fake it?Awesome man!
If I were to give you a mission, I'd want you to go out as a 70's pornstar (John Holmes), with a big fake slong (rubbery dildo) in your pants, with musical interest and act like nothing.
The only girls there were with their boyfriends, but I didn't mind.What concert?
From experience head to the front row of the crowd.
At Glastonbury I would leave my friends as there were people only id want to see and I could go up the side and along the front and be front row, within 6ft of the Djs etc.
Also more often than not there are girls up there with the same goal and its pretty easy to say hi when you are in the situation.
Oh and its genrally more fun and you can feed of others energy, Actually the more I think about it I run off to the front row quite alot..
Forget about the looks. Yeah, a neckbeard looks really stupid and it's hard to pull off. But with some confidence and a lot of inner work, it wouldn't hold anyone back. I'm not saying you should keep it, but I'm saying the root problem isn't with facial hair. The fact that you feel embarrassed over everything you've written is a good thing. I interpret that as you're learning new things and are changing in some way. Into what, I don't know. But change is rarely a bad thing. Feeling comfortable and too comfortable with a look, style or whatever is thin line we all walk in life. If you truly don't know much about women and/or socializing, I suggest you start reading up on these subjects. Please try your hardest to keep an open mind, for the simple reason that what you've been doing have probably been working pretty poorly. Thus, the opposite should work wonders, right? You don't have to agree with the stuff that PUA teaches, it's not required. It is however new information and I think that's exactly what you need. Attitude wise, I see an older self in certain things you say, and guess what, you need to let go of these firm beliefs. A lot of them are only there because "they should be".
You seem to be accepting the help we give here, and that's a huge step forward that quite a few haven't taken yet. So you're already ahead of the curve, and how hard was that, really?Yes, I'm one of the few (?) that like PUA in here. There are shady things about it, or rather shady people imho, but it also teaches a lot of useful things, things that have been mentioned since the post I'm quoting now. Stick around
If you want the help, you'll get it from everyone here.
Edit: And of course, you'll see Brent smith videos pop up in here every now and then. Watch them. Listen, whether or not you agree. As a punk guy you are, I assume you already know how to not give a shit about certain things. So that'll help![]()
Go to the date. Have fun. Don't call herMy friend has set me up on a blind date with one of his Girlfriends friend. I've texted this girl back and forth for a few days now and I'm really not feeling it (a mix of her being in High school, living far away ,and a bad experience with a 17 year old before) I don't really know how to tell her I'm not interested without coming across as a dick. Any advice?
FUCK.Though I'll note that eye contact is more likely to seem creepy (i.e. unnatural) if it's accompanied by low-status signals.
Back when I was a student at university, I took an improv class. One of the most useful things I got out of it was a list of high-status and low-status characteristics, for use in creating characters for improv scenes. Turned out to be pretty helpful for real life, too.
I played around a lot with these things, just walking around campus. Some general rules are that mixed high- and low-status signals often come off as weird or creepy, that high-status signals mixed with neutral come off weakened, as you'd expect, and that getting into status one-upmanship invites conflict, especially if you're not quite selling it. Oh, and that this stuff works enormously better with strangers--friends and people you know can be damn resistant to attempted changes in status, and are likely to subconsciously fight back.
High-status characteristics are mostly about confidence and having a large personal space:
-feet in a broad stance, shoulders back
-no defensive body language
-high eye-level (i.e. looking towards other people's heads or beyond rather than at your feet)
-economy of motion
-comfortable making physical contact with people
-decisive, willing to make decisions for others
-and of course, making and holding eye contact
Low-status characteristics are mostly about seeming small and invisible, or harmless:
-feet close together, shoulders hunched
-crossed arms, crossed legs, touching your own face
-low eye-level
-fidgeting
-avoid initiating physical contact
-look to others for permission or instructions
-avoid holding eye contact
I don't think this is a complete list, but it's what comes to mind. The important take-away isn't that you must adopt all the high-status characteristics, but that you should avoid the low-status ones.
Though do experiment with high status, it's fun. I've found that it's much easier to move through crowds using high status--shoulders back, long, evenly-paced strides, looking past the people walking towards you. Like, people get out of your way. Good times.
Thanks, man, I tryOh my Swedish friend, when you are right, you are right.
Hey RawPower, I've been there. It's a hell of a shock when your view of yourself is stripped apart. It's like building a muscle, break it down and it will rebuild itself stronger.
Perhaps not the best analogy, but it's all I got. But becoming aware of your flaws is the easy part... it's doing something about them that takes a bit more effort.
She could be the girl of your dreams if you just met her. Not feeling it after a few text messages doesn't mean anything necessarily. At the very least, you could be losing out on a good time. You're being a tad judgemental hereMy friend has set me up on a blind date with one of his Girlfriends friend. I've texted this girl back and forth for a few days now and I'm really not feeling it (a mix of her being in High school, living far away ,and a bad experience with a 17 year old before) I don't really know how to tell her I'm not interested without coming across as a dick. Any advice?
She could be the girl of your dreams if you just met her. Not feeling it after a few text messages doesn't mean anything necessarily. At the very least, you could be losing out on a good time. You're being a tad judgemental here![]()
I think I'm just freaking out a bit, as I've never been on a blind date before.
He challenged me to a game of pool in front of them, which I refused and said Im only here to observe. He then went on to compliment me on my clothes saying that I look like Im a great pool player. He kept pushing, but I kinda flinched because Im not experienced with going head to head on another player and alpha male'ing them. He then displayed, disqualified me as not being man enough to take a challenge, re-positioning him as the alpha leader.
Later on he used me as social proof to further his power in the game he was playing, when I walked over to him, sat down and told him "I see what hes going for". He then proceeded to raise his voice slightly higher to reaffirm that he still didnt see me as an equal.
He even told me he was all natural and just drunk, with no idea of what he was doing when I busted him on it, which is bullshit.
He was pretty much controlling all the girls (about 8 in the beginning - later 3-4 before I noticed what he was up to) and positioning every guy approaching him or them as a beta male unworthy of women.
What was most impressive that I learned from it was how he did all of this with marginal physical touching. Despite using alot of sexual innuendo, suggestive talk and not being afraid of expressing his sexual desire and openess.
He build up so much sexual tension all the girls were so attracted to him like flies to the nastiest, most nutricient, rich, juiciest, most moist turd you can imagine.
In the end, being as I could see my level was not as high as his I observed and learned instead.
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Despressing? I take it as a learning experience. Its exciting and fun.
I rarely devalue another guy, unless he really deserves it. Some times I do it unintentionally and discover new ways to do it. Besides, Ive rarely come across another player. Maybe three times at most have I identified players. Most guys just improvise.
Same with women, if they treat me nicely, then I return that favor.
By the way Walrus, if you are willing we could meet up some time if youre in Copenhagen.