Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy

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After all that shit, why would anyone even consider being in a relationship with her? Tell her she needs to be a supportive friend or gtfo. You should not have any problems cutting negative influences out of your life.
 
Well you are not the first people to say that, her friends said that too. :lol

I was once kidding and said that I was into her, she really didn't really mind, but till now she even didn't really have a long relationship or what you could call a relationship.

Three weeks ago I told her that I guess that we were fighting often because I guess that I really am into her, after that she seemed...calm, and in the car we were talking like a tsunami and laughing. I really guess I should try. lol
 
This just put that classic movie scene where people get into a fight then have make up sex and realize that they're in a relationship.

Exactly!

Well you are not the first people to say that, her friends said that too. :lol

I was once kidding and said that I was into her, she really didn't really mind, but till now she even didn't really have a long relationship or what you could call a relationship.

Three weeks ago I told her that I guess that we were fighting often because I guess that I really am into her, after that she seemed...calm, and in the car we were talking like a tsunami and laughing. I really guess I should try. lol

Hey man... either go big or go home. Go for it. One of two things happens... she will either reciprocate or it blows up in your face, but one way or another you won't be living in this vague purgatory type thing anymore.

Edit: And then here is what you say immediately after. Play it cool. "You in or out?". Indie rock plays.
 
Asked out the girl I've been seeing. Was worrier about it but then I remembered I'm the man and just did it. She said yes.

Thus ends a long two years of bachelorhood.
 
Hello, fellow Gaffers. I've got a difficult burden on my shoulders, and I need your help.

I'm in a longterm (6 years) relationship with this great woman. She's my fiance now, and we're planning a wedding. We have very much in common, we've got pretty decent jobs, and we're planning to buy a house this year (with a 20yrs bank loan...). There is love, there is sex in many forms, there is laughter, we don't quarrel too much. You can say that this is a perfect relationship.

She's my first and only girlfiend in my entire life (25 years old right now).
I was a big pussy before I met her, but thanks to her I'm now a grown motherfucker.
She was my motivation to work out in the gym, she tought what clothes to wear, and you can say that thanks to her I graduaded college. She made my life much better than it was and much better it could have ever been.

But...

Now that I feel confident with myself, I see that women look different at me. And I'm intigued...

Ok, I'll be honest - I think I need some other pussy.
I don't plan to abandon this fantastic chick that made me the way I am... but I want to taste different flavours of life.

Should I discuss this with my fiance? Or just cockblock myself, and aprreciate more what I have?
Maybe some swing party a few years after the wedding? Partner swap with our friends?
Maybe my recent sex obssesion is the fault of the intenet and the avalibity of porn?

Please help me :(
If you were single and had the ability to choose between all these girls and your current girlfriend knowing now what you are capable of, would you still choose her?

About swinging: with your good friends or total strangers?
Strangers at first. You don't want any kind of drama on your relationship if things go south

If that's what he means I don't think that's right. So he's assuming that's what all "shy" girls are thinking? If I'm misunderstanding I apologize.
Not only shy girls, but ALL girls. And they don't think it, they feel it, quite the difference. A girl that WANTS to have sex with you, but somehow CAN'T because she is embarrassed of her body, her skills will think you will scorn her somehow. Just back up a step, reassure her and go back again, for example, if you are kissing and you start going to the neck and she recoils, go back, reassure her that you won't do anything she is not comfortable with and start again with kissing shortly thereafter coming back to the neck. Try three times, if she still has not broken down her barrier, stop making out and start doing something else.

Works all the way to sex, on all the girls.

Man, just flat out ask her. She kinda seems crazy.

Or be romantic and go for the kiss, see what happens. But asking her might be the more rational option.

Better to just kiss it and leave the words out.

Asked out the girl I've been seeing. Was worrier about it but then I remembered I'm the man and just did it. She said yes.

Thus ends a long two years of bachelorhood.

Now you pound that shit like there is no fucking tomorrow! And PREPARE yourself for your first drama.

NO, I am NOT kidding
 
hello again folks. i did speed dating(lol) last week, and I met a girl that is interested. i have her number and i have been making idle chit chat via text with her(she basically texted me her number and I didn't want to seem like a pompous douche and not respond). since we really don't know each other, i was wondering what the best course of action is. should i just call her up and see if she is busy tonight and if not ask her on a date?
 
hello again folks. i did speed dating(lol) last week, and I met a girl that is interested. i have her number and i have been making idle chit chat via text with her(she basically texted me her number and I didn't want to seem like a pompous douche and not respond). since we really don't know each other, i was wondering what the best course of action is. should i just call her up and see if she is busy tonight and if not ask her on a date?

Yes.
 
hello again folks. i did speed dating(lol) last week, and I met a girl that is interested. i have her number and i have been making idle chit chat via text with her(she basically texted me her number and I didn't want to seem like a pompous douche and not respond). since we really don't know each other, i was wondering what the best course of action is. should i just call her up and see if she is busy tonight and if not ask her on a date?

I think she'd expect you to text her about a date. Agree on a time and place and take it from there. Make a plan on what you want to do.
 
Gym is a good place to start meeting girls?
I still don't get this. Every time I'm at the gym, (and granted, it's rare to see girls my age at the time I go) I don't see any way to meet, let alone begin a conversation with a girl since most of them have their ear-buds on or are reading something. And that's not when they are focused on their routines.
 
Gym is just a place where an opportunity may arise, IMO. I don't see it as an ideal meeting place. People are busy, sometimes tired, often listening to music, usually feeling sweaty and gross...
 
Girl who said she was going through too much shit to have a relationship with me texted me today after a week. Thought it was interesting. Cordially responded but not much more than that (she told me to try this app). I'm not doing anything with it, just interested in seeing if she decides to keep trying to talk to me.
 
Seems like you already know what to do...

I think she'd expect you to text her about a date. Agree on a time and place and take it from there. Make a plan on what you want to do.


well that was quick haha. i'm just really nervous(like i bet most people are so that is no excuse) and would find it a lot easier to do it via text. i'll try calling her after this class though and see what she's up to.
 
Does anyone else have a problem having long term relationships? The longest I've ever gone out with anyone in my life is about a month.

Things always start out well but as soon as the girl starts getting needy or dramatic it is such a turn off that I just ditch them. I can't deal with that shit, I already have a job having to also keep someone else happy is just too much work/stress.

There just always comes a time when weighing the hassle of a relationship starts far outweighing the benefits. I used to always think that I just hadn't met the right person but now I'm not so sure because this is certainly a pattern but it just seems easier for me to just forget the drama and move on to the next girl. Is anyone else like this?
 
Does anyone else have a problem having long term relationships? The longest I've ever gone out with anyone in my life is about a month.

Things always start out well but as soon as the girl starts getting needy or dramatic it is such a turn off that I just ditch them. I can't deal with that shit, I already have a job having to also keep someone else happy is just too much work/stress.

There just always comes a time when weighing the hassle of a relationship starts far outweighing the benefits. I used to always think that I just hadn't met the right person but now I'm not so sure because this is certainly a pattern but it just seems easier for me to just forget the drama and move on to the next girl. Is anyone else like this?

Don't feel bad, I'm the same way.

For me I think the problem is that I'm a perfectionist. I am too picky and I start to take minor problems with too much weight, and end up bailing out.

It's too bad, my last ex was actually a really good match for me and she liked me a lot. I feel like an asshole and I'm trying to change my pickiness...

At the same time, I don't want to compromise too much because that wouldn't be entirely good either.
 
can i have some coaching for the phone call? i'm fretting over the little things. for example, i can't decide if it is useful to state who i am since she already has me entered on my phone haha
 
can i have some coaching for the phone call? i'm fretting over the little things. for example, i can't decide if it is useful to state who i am since she already has me entered on my phone haha

"Hey, I think it'd be cool to grab a bite to eat together on Xday. Want to come?" (revised)

You've got each others' info and have made idle chit chat. Just ask :)
 
I've got to be honest here--I never had any kind of success with women until I started acting like a total asshole. It works on virtually every woman.
 
"Hey, I think it'd be cool to grab a bite to eat together on Xday. Want to come?" (revised)

You've got each others' info and have made idle chit chat. Just ask :)

is it best to give a few days notice like that? i really just want to get this over with haha
 
is it best to give a few days notice like that? i really just want to get this over with haha

If you can split on a minute's notice, sure. Sometimes women might feel a little pressed for time, but I don't know her life. Tomorrow or Thursday at the latest, I think.
 
Don't feel bad, I'm the same way.

For me I think the problem is that I'm a perfectionist. I am too picky and I start to take minor problems with too much weight, and end up bailing out.

It's too bad, my last ex was actually a really good match for me and she liked me a lot. I feel like an asshole and I'm trying to change my pickiness...

At the same time, I don't want to compromise too much because that wouldn't be entirely good either.

Cool, good to know there are others like me.

Your post actually made me just think back on some of my previous relationships and you know what, I really can't think of any that followed that pattern where I regret moving on so I definitely don't think I'm being too picky. In fact, now I feel like I generally end things at just the right time rather than trying to make something work that never will.

Now just wondering if low maintenance women really exist :)

I remember earlier in this thread there was a link about dealing with drama and in it the author said something like "women don't like drama anymore than men". Bullshit, then why are women so obsessed with reality TV, soap operas, and celebrity gossip? Many are obsessed with drama to the point where they need to fabricate it if it doesn't exist.

I just need to find a laid back girl who doesn't need to rely on others as her entire source of happiness. There is a big difference between a loving, supportive relationship and a needy one.
 
Good third date idea?

Was planning on heading to the beach for dinner tonight, but it's pissing rain out. Live in a relatively large town outside of Vancouver, your usual list of things-to-do.
 
is it best to give a few days notice like that? i really just want to get this over with haha
You're stressing out way too much.

You can try and be spontaneous and ask her out for tonight, though I'd recommend giving her an alternate day as well. "Hey, want to grab a drink tonight or Thursday?"

You don't need to overthink it. Do it.
 
Cool, good to know there are others like me.

Your post actually made me just think back on some of my previous relationships and you know what, I really can't think of any that followed that pattern where I regret moving on so I definitely don't think I'm being too picky. In fact, now I feel like I generally end things at just the right time rather than trying to make something work that never will.

Now just wondering if low maintenance women really exist :)

I remember earlier in this thread there was a link about dealing with drama and in it the author said something like "women don't like drama anymore than men". Bullshit, then why are women so obsessed with reality TV, soap operas, and celebrity gossip? Many are obsessed with drama to the point where they need to fabricate it if it doesn't exist.

I just need to find a laid back girl who doesn't need to rely on others as her entire source of happiness. There is a big difference between a loving, supportive relationship and a needy one.

Yeah I don't believe that either. I've met plenty of girls who I could tell were easygoing and non-dramatic, and many others who I could instantly tell they would make a big deal about losing a parking space at Wal-Mart.
 
You're stressing out way too much.

You can try and be spontaneous and ask her out for tonight, though I'd recommend giving her an alternate day as well. "Hey, want to grab a drink tonight or Thursday?"

You don't need to overthink it. Do it.

well i'm extremely nervous lol. my friend is making fun of me for it
 
With good cause. Do it.

Or give me her number and I'll do it for you. But I won't be kind about it. TAKING A PAGE OUT OF BRONZEWOLF'S PLAYBOOK, THAT'S HOW BAD IT WILL GET.

explain please

i called and she said she has a midterm tomorrow and wants to study tonight, but she is available this weekend for dinner if I want to text her a time. so it went okay i guess?
 
I'm envisioning that now:

"Like pancakes, bitch?! Want some pancakes?! Maybe some sex afterwards?!"

According to him, that stuff actually seems to work, so maybe there's something to it!

Gosh, I'd wanna be in the room when he does that.

explain please

i called and she said she has a midterm tomorrow and wants to study tonight, but she is available this weekend for dinner if I want to text her a time. so it went okay i guess?

BronzeWolf is kinda like a boot camp instructor but instead of prepping you for the army, his mission in life is to prep you to get a girl.

But hey, that sounds like progress!

tumblr_ly826rmBf91qbuptc.gif
 
explain please

i called and she said she has a midterm tomorrow and wants to study tonight, but she is available this weekend for dinner if I want to text her a time. so it went okay i guess?
Hell yeah. Pick a night and hop to it. She made herself available for a night. Not reading too much into it, but it's also a weekend, so there's potential for being out later. Not suggesting that a first date homer is on the docket, but you might be able to get a better idea of her if you have/ more time, dig?
 
I need someone to yell at me and my friends don't want to do it. I passed up a chance today to ask this cute girl out to lunch today. Maybe BronzeWolf or someone that is subbing in for him today can yell at me.

I want to ask her out, but now I wont have any free time until the weekend, what day should I ask her?
 
I need someone to yell at me and my friends don't want to do it. I passed up a chance today to ask this cute girl out to lunch today. Maybe BronzeWolf or someone that is subbing in for him today can yell at me.

I want to ask her out, but now I wont have any free time until the weekend, what day should I ask her?

YOU FUCKING IDIOT, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU YOU HAVE MISSED OUT YOUR ONLY CHANCE FOR LOVE AND COMPANIONSHIP AND SEX. THE REST OF YOUR LIFE IS MEANINGLESS.

Am I doing it right? I wanna do justice to BronzeWolf ;)

Do you know her or can contact her? Cause I mean, just ask her out like to hang out or something. On Saturday, since your week isn't free apparently.
 
I need someone to yell at me and my friends don't want to do it. I passed up a chance today to ask this cute girl out to lunch today. Maybe BronzeWolf or someone that is subbing in for him today can yell at me.

I want to ask her out, but now I wont have any free time until the weekend, what day should I ask her?

no need to yell. shame is better.

Cowardice will get you no where, in any facet of life. If you like sitting idly by while that cute girl across the room that youve been wanting to make a move on for 15 minutes gets picked up by gymbro, you're only hurting yourself. besides, it could have been you pounding that ass right now instead of him. Step it up son, and say hi.
 
YOU FUCKING IDIOT, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU YOU HAVE MISSED OUT YOUR ONLY CHANCE FOR LOVE AND COMPANIONSHIP AND SEX. THE REST OF YOUR LIFE IS MEANINGLESS.

Am I doing it right? I wanna do justice to BronzeWolf ;)

Do you know her or can contact her? Cause I mean, just ask her out like to hang out or something. On Saturday, since your week isn't free apparently.

I accidentally a word in my post. I meant to dinner this weekend, it would be a first date.

I don't have her number unfortunately.


no need to yell. shame is better.

Cowardice will get you no where, in any facet of life. If you like sitting idly by while that cute girl across the room that youve been wanting to make a move on for 15 minutes gets picked up by gymbro, you're only hurting yourself. besides, it could have been you pounding that ass right now instead of him. Step it up son, and say hi.

Yelling at me usually works in situations like this. If its any consolation, i'm not afraid to talk to her. I just bitched out and didn't ask her to come to lunch with me.
 
I need someone to yell at me and my friends don't want to do it. I passed up a chance today to ask this cute girl out to lunch today. Maybe BronzeWolf or someone that is subbing in for him today can yell at me.

I want to ask her out, but now I wont have any free time until the weekend, what day should I ask her?
Don't sweat a missed opportunity, dwelling is for losers. Make a new opportunity and ask her out for the weekend. You're already in the mindset of what'll work for you with the days here...

Fuck it. Say Friday. That's a good date night. And don't hesitate. Just roll up, ask her out. What's the worst that'll happen? She'd say no and then you're free to find something else...again, no dwelling. Chin up, and get the fuck back out there.
 
I accidentally a word in my post. I meant to dinner this weekend, it would be a first date.

I don't have her number unfortunately.




Yelling at me usually works in situations like this. If its any consolation, i'm not afraid to talk to her. I just bitched out and didn't ask her to come to lunch with me.

ah ok. well that's good. Just feel that place where your balls are supposed to be, man up, and ask her the fuck out!!! It doesn't matter when or where. Just ask .
 
explain please

i called and she said she has a midterm tomorrow and wants to study tonight, but she is available this weekend for dinner if I want to text her a time. so it went okay i guess?
Pick a day/time and text it to her. Don't make one of the crucial mistakes guys make in this thread and not be assertive. Do it later today or tomorrow.

See? Wasn't so hard.
 
Insert hard situation.
Just as a small tip, I would say if you open up in here about things you wouldn't want your fiance to find out, I wouldn't keep any personal information in your profile. I don't know does she read NeoGAF, but if she does and even if she wouldn't know your username, you have some personal information (as in your homepage) in your profile.

Insert long story.
I would say she is totally into you and feel jealous about you when you are with other girls.

Just kiss her or ask her to a date.

If she refuses she is seriously only trying to own you (and not even use you for anything fancy or nice... what a waste) to boost her ego and make herself feel better. If that is the case, I would strongly advice you to spend less time around her.

But don't worry, that is highly unlikely to happen.
 
Not that this is necessarily a problem (ok maybe a little in the grand scheme of things), I can never get myself looking elsewhere once I have a good date or two with a girl. I know at that point it's nowhere near serious relationship status, but I always get the sense that trying to juggle multiple girls in the initial dating phase would just get too messy.

It's a flawed view I think, since for all I know the girl is likely dating others, but I've never been comfortable with it I suppose. Not that I have any other prospects at the moment, but I'm also not really actively looking after date 1 and a very positive response since then, with 1.5 (lunch) and 2 (movie and/or drinks) on the horizon.
 
Not that this is necessarily a problem (ok maybe a little in the grand scheme of things), I can never get myself looking elsewhere once I have a good date or two with a girl. I know at that point it's nowhere near serious relationship status, but I always get the sense that trying to juggle multiple girls in the initial dating phase would just get too messy.

It's a flawed view I think, since for all I know the girl is likely dating others, but I've never been comfortable with it I suppose. Not that I have any other prospects at the moment, but I'm also not really actively looking after date 1 and a very positive response since then, with 1.5 (lunch) and 2 (movie and/or drinks) on the horizon.
I understand that very well. I am totally unable to date more than one at a time. Just call me old fashioned, but I am seriously so bad with names and faces, that it takes all my attention to remember even one new name not to mention to be able to connect it to the right face.
 
That recent Ok Cupid thread has inspired me to get back on the site and *bam* as luck has it I see a girl that's my "type" in a physical sense. :P
Dark hair, piercing blue eyes, pale skin.

But she's religious... but I'm just going to ignore that for now.

I'm sending her a quick little message that reads:
"Hey there K***! My name is W***. :)
What kind of music are you into? "

Thoughts?
 
I understand that very well. I am totally unable to date more than one at a time. Just call me old fashioned, but I am seriously so bad with names and faces, that it takes all my attention to remember even one new name not to mention to be able to connect it to the right face.

The thing is... from a pure logistics standpoint, I'd be pretty damn awesome at it. I'm awesome with names/faces, remembering details, etc, but something about doing that doesn't sit right with me. Not that it's a bad thing, but I don't know that I'd be able to pull it off well. Maybe that's part of the issue (overall in my life, not necessarily at this moment) I start to invest too much too early in someone.

Just a random thought I suppose. Realized today I hadn't logged in since Saturday to either dating site, when it's normally a daily thing for me.
 
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